


Come Around

by AbsolutelyIris



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Future, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Future Fic, Gen, Original Character(s), POV Female Character, POV Male Character, Romance, Slow Burn, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-30
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2017-11-19 21:07:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 182,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsolutelyIris/pseuds/AbsolutelyIris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A woman travels the world over in search of what she needs and returns home to find it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_A ~~man~~ woman travels the world over in search of what ~~he~~ she needs and returns home to find it._  
– George Moore (as revised by Veronica Mars)  
  
  
It goes a little something like this.  
  
 _Wednesday, August 6th, 2014, 12pm: Veronica Mars is officially fired from the FBI for insubordination and reckless behavior. She is immediately asked for her badge, gun, and identification card. Her boss seems regretful, but firm in his decision. “You’re just not cut out for this kind of discipline, Mars...”_  
  
1:30pm: She is allowed to pack her belongings and escorted off the property by Dan, the friendly but professional security guard.  
  
2:25pm: She returns to her fully furnished condo, shaken and stirred.  
  
  
Veronica held it together from headquarters to her car through the ride back home. Yet, she found herself blinking back tears as soon as she turned on the lights of her kitchen, and she angrily wiped at her eyes. No, she had never been fired from a job- any job- before. Especially not a job she had fought and worked towards, a job she had wanted for many, many years. At twenty-six years old, her career was over, long before it even started.  
  
Her eyes fell on Ace, the black and white Jack Russell terrier her ex-boyfriend had bought her nearly a year ago, after Backup had passed away. The dog happily ran in her direction, and she let out a weary sigh, dropping to her knees and rubbing the dog's head weakly. “Good boy,” she whispered, staring at the floor as her eyes blurred once more.  
  
It had been lonely in Washington, D.C. since the impulsive move all those years ago. The “sex tape” between Piz and herself had been released, and the humiliation that followed was brutal, it even rivaled that year of hell after Lilly died. Logan quietly snapped and had his scarily but not all too surprising violent breakdown, unraveling and rebuilding before her very eyes and it had disappointed and excited her all the same. That behavior, along with the stress of it all happened way too fast, and Veronica couldn’t handle it. Then, the FBI internship surprisingly, shockingly, went through, and she freaked out, getting the hell out of Neptune before anything else could happen.  
  
It took her five long years to figure out that what she did was “freak out.”  
  
Social status in ruins, personal relationships crumbling, sanity dwindling, paranoia and guilt overwhelming, and the fear and confusion overpowering it all.  
  
Veronica knew she had burned many, many bridges when she took off without as much as a goodbye to anyone besides her father. She wasn’t thinking and all she wanted was to get the hell out of that forsaken town. She had just up and left, taking only Backup, her clothes, laptop, and detective equipment.  
  
Her father was convinced that she was suffering an emotional breakdown. There was no crying or emotion on her end, yet he tried to get her to sit still before she “became catatonic.” It was typical of him- here he was facing a criminal charge and an election loss, and he was worried about her. He had even begged her to stay, but she didn’t listen, kissing him one last time before taking off.  
  
Maybe she shouldn’t have left him alone to deal with the aftermath.  
  
She had missed her father a lot, and called him at least four times a week. He was always loving if a bit distant, but she had been expecting it. He was probably more hurt by her dismissal than he had let on. He was defeated by Vinnie, and placed on five years of probation for evidence tampering, but he didn’t appear to mind going back to private investigation.  
  
Veronica was happy that she missed Harmony Chase moving into their apartment six months after her departure. Her father didn’t bother to ask for her thoughts on the matter, and she didn’t blame him. After all, she hadn’t allowed him an opinion on her leaving California.  
  
Her father had also tried to keep her priorities in check. He called her an hour into her great escape, requesting that she call Wallace, so he wouldn’t worry. She ignored the request, not wanting to talk to anyone but her father.  
  
Especially not Logan. However, Logan didn’t matter, since her father said Logan had disappeared the last night they had seen each other. He actually skipped town before she did. Vanished into thin air.  
  
Logan. She hadn't thought about Logan in a long while. She had told him to stay out of her life; she needed to get over what he did, yet she had been tempted to check up on him in the beginning. She never did, though, afraid of what she might find out. She didn’t want to discover that he had been taken out by the mob or dead from an overdose or whatever else. But she still cared. She definitely cared.  
  
She told her father to look out for Logan, refused to elaborate on why, and she had hoped he did. She never got any calls in the middle of the night, so that was a good thing. She went back to Neptune, once. Didn’t talk to her father or anyone, really, but after that week, she knew she had nothing to worry about. Everyone would be fine, especially Logan.  
  
The night of Logan’s fight with Gorya still haunted her, and she didn’t want to relive it in any way, shape, or form. She didn’t want to remember the blood on Logan’s shirt and knuckles or the way he smiled at her or the elaborate heat boiling in her stomach and down her body at the sight of that smile.  
  
And then, he smiled at the idea of death.  
  
She had been too scared and too pissed off to call him when she drove out of Neptune for good.  
  
Even Wallace was a distant memory now; she hadn't talked to him in over a year. He had refused her calls two months after she ran, just because he was still angry with her. He said he had been scared for her, and she didn’t care. Even as the guilt ebbed and flowed within her, she couldn’t get the emotion out, to let him know she was truly sorry. Needless to say, he didn’t believe her when she apologized, and their already fragile relationship was never the same.  
  
Last she heard, he was working at some engineering company in Florida.  
  
She had convinced herself that leaving California for bigger and better things was the best thing she could do, and the fact that Piz had followed was an added bonus. Even if she had to give up everything in search of “bigger and better,” she was determined to do so, because she _deserved_ better. Even Piz said she deserved better than Neptune, and she had believed him.  
  
Veronica even let herself believe for almost a year that she was in love with Piz. He took care of her, loved her, and was there during the most trying time of her life. He was nice, safe and reliable, so she was grateful to have him.  
  
He wasn't safe and reliable for long. In fact, he wasn’t so nice, either.  
  
As luck would have it, Stosh Piznarski wasn't built to handle the hectic, unpredictable life of living with an FBI intern/agent. He hadn’t been built for anything, really. He hadn’t defended her honor after the sex tape, and grew more insecure after that afternoon in the cafeteria. He grew distant. She dove deeper into her training and her work, and he said nothing, allowing her to do what she had to, if it made her happy. All she wanted was for him to be up front with her, and he wasn’t.  
  
So, she got colder.  
  
Piz had tried to keep himself busy, just so he wouldn’t have to deal with an increasingly moody and secretive Veronica, and she supposed that was her fault for taking off the mask and getting comfortable too soon into their relationship when she should’ve been building up more walls. He wasn’t ready to see the real her. He was never ready.  
  
She didn’t know why she thought he was different, why he was safe.  
  
Piz had gotten a job at a local radio station that barely paid for their groceries. It was a small station that paid close to nothing and it was another twist of the knife. The slow start of Piz’s own career and the overwhelming loneliness had shook him, and he had quickly grown passive-aggressively bitter with all the time and effort Veronica was putting into her job. He was lucky she came home for dinner four times a week.  
  
In exasperation, she recommended that he start up another band to busy himself, so he did. A year later, she found out about his _other_ girlfriend.  
  
The breakup was bad, but Veronica didn’t expect Piz to come out with a laundry list of her faults. He had held back all those years, and finally, the truth was revealed. He even brought up things that had happened back in Neptune. In retaliation, she went for the jugular by reminding him of his inadequacy as a boyfriend, a lover, and as a professional musician-slash-DJ, and in hindsight, it was a bad move. She knew he felt guilty for what he had done, but, dammit, she couldn’t allow herself to be talked to like that. His truth still hurt, though, and he still loved his girlfriend that wasn’t her, and he wouldn’t allow Veronica to belittle him any longer. It was over.  
  
She kicked him out, and he sent her roses a week later with a final note of apology. She threw the flowers in the trash.  
  
She spent a year alone, barring a couple of flings here and there. Then came Garrison Lloyd, a linguist for the FBI. He was a good one, three years of loyalty and truth. Nice guy, decent lover, good conversation. He had never noticed her frigidity- he had been too preoccupied with his own job. Garrison was sweet, but professional, and he was trustworthy and gave her space when she needed it.  
  
They were a match made in heaven. He had even been there when Backup died, and helped her through her grief, which was stronger than she had ever thought possible.  
  
A year ago, Garrison decided to go home to be with his ailing mother. Home was St. Louis, Missouri. Veronica refused to relocate with him, even after he had begged, so Ace was a goodbye present. She refused to cry over Garrison’s departure, instead opting to hunt down a child molester in Britain.  
  
Failure after failure. She had hoped this job would be the one bright spot in her life, but it just wasn't to be. That was life, apparently. She was never going to be given a good, clean break.  
  
Veronica stood up hastily when she realized she was crying again, and she wiped at her eyes roughly. Crying was a weakness. She just needed to get out of there before she officially lost her mind.  
  
“Veronica?”  
  
A sharp gasp escaped Veronica as she spun around, coming face to face with Piz, in his typical jeans and striped button-down, the annoying rock tee peeking out from underneath. His hair was shorter, there were some laugh lines in the corners of his eyes, but other than that, he looked the same.  
  
She was surprised by the sharp ache that nearly sliced through her chest at the sight of him. The wound was still fresh, the wound was still open. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.  
  
Veronica inhaled sharply, pushing her shoulders back in a vain attempt at looking strong. “Piz.”  
  
He gave her a small smile, staying in the doorway. “Hey. You had the door open...” he trailed off, his eyes falling on her face. “Why are you crying?”  
  
She shook her head, turning away from him and clearing her throat. “I-I just had a rough day-”  
  
“It’s only two o’clock,” he said with a faintly confused chuckle. “What’s-”  
  
“I'm fine,” she said sharply. "What are you doing here?”  
  
“Can I come in?” he asked, ignoring her previous question. She didn't respond and he took that as a yes, stepping inside. “I'm visiting. The radio station's doing a promotional gig here, so I'm the head DJ,” he sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You look good, Veronica.”  
  
Veronica stared at him hard, crossing her arms over her chest. “So do you,” she replied robotically.  
  
She knew he was lying. Her grey business suit did nothing for her figure, and her hair was a mess. She imagined her makeup was, as well. She was probably pale and dead-looking. Her mouth had the stale taste of toothpaste, and she wished she had picked up her morning coffee.  
  
Piz nodded, glancing around the apartment. “The place looks good. Cleaner than I remember,” his eyes fell on Ace, a grin on his face as he bent over, holding his hands out for the dog. “He’s cute. Come here, boy.”  
  
“His name’s Ace.” Veronica’s jaw clenched as she watched Ace approach Piz, sniffing his fingers before licking the backs of his hands. She hated Piz then for getting her dog’s affection so quickly. It had taken her a week just to get the puppy to stop wiggling out of her grasp.  
  
“Ace! Cool name,” Piz rubbed the top of Ace’s head warmly before straightening up. He licked his lips slowly, his eyes on Veronica once more. “Where’s Backup?”  
  
Backup had died in her arms on the floor of her apartment, his eyes slowly closing until his body was limp. He had licked her hand one last time, and she had kissed him and cried into his fur until she had fallen asleep. She allowed the pain to pass before responding. “He died,” she said stiffly. “A year ago.”  
  
He looked downright grief-stricken for a moment, shaking his head. He waited, watching Veronica’s face carefully, as if anticipating any semblance of grief in her eyes, a sob from her throat. It never came, her face was still blank. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “He was a good dog.”  
  
The tears began to form in her eyes again, the reminder of her best friend gone was too much, and she immediately glanced at the floor, blinking rapidly. After a moment, she looked up at him, and the mask was back on. “He was.”  
  
Piz was silent for a long moment, his mouth twitching nervously. She stared at him blankly, and he finally laughed, glancing at her. “You know, Ace kinda reminds me of this time I was at a Battle of the Bands and Am said-”  
  
Am. The nickname was enough to have her seething, all these years later.  
  
“How _is_ the girlfriend?” Veronica asked bitterly. “Amber, was it?” she forced a smile on her face. “Cute, perky redhead with a nice rack? Amber?”  
  
Piz didn't bite, even though his posture had stiffened. “ _Amberly’s_ fine. She’s-” his mouth clamped shut, and the flinch wasn’t lost on Veronica.  
  
The pause from Piz was long and excruciating, and Veronica was startled by the dread suddenly filling her. “What? She’s what?”  
  
“She’s five months along,” he said quietly. “It's a boy.”  
  
Veronica exhaled sharply, suddenly feeling dizzy. “Good for you. Congrats,” she said quickly, turning on her heels and rushing for her bedroom. Now, she really needed to get the hell out of there. She had to go. She had to leave. She had to run. Run, run, run.  
  
Piz followed down the hallway, his eyes widening in alarm as Veronica yanked her suitcase out from underneath the bed, throwing it on the mattress. “Veronica. Hold on-”  
  
“Do you have a name picked out yet?” she asked hastily, moving to her closet. The tremble in her voice made her cringe, and she turned away from him, looking through her clothes.  
  
“Brendan.”  
  
She laughed as she pulling clothes off hangers, not knowing what else to do. “Good. Good for you. That’s a nice name. Brendan. Brendan Piznarski. It’s a _super_ name.”  
  
There was regret in Piz's eyes now as he watched her move about, flinging the pile of clothes in her arms onto the mattress. “Don’t be like this, Veronica,” he said, his voice even. “Please.”  
  
Veronica smirked, folding clothes quickly before throwing them in the suitcase. All of her stupid power suits were left behind. Only casual clothes, and some formal wear. All of her shoes. Underwear. Socks. Jewelry. It all had to fit in her car. “Come on, Piz- how did you expect me to react? You...you're having a baby with the girl you _cheated_ on me with.”  
  
He let out a shaky breath. “We were over long before Amberly came around, and you know it, Veronica.”  
  
She straightened up, throwing a pair of socks into her suitcase. “And yet, it took me completely by surprise!” she exclaimed with a loud laugh. “Imagine that!”  
  
Piz looked genuinely annoyed as he stared into her eyes, and his jaw clenched. “It took you by surprise because you were so self-involved-”  
  
“Oh, so it's my fault, now?” she chuckled, shaking her head. “I’m not self-involved,” she muttered, more to herself than to him.  
  
He placed his hands on his hips, staring at her hard. “You didn’t even congratulate me when I got a promotion.”  
  
Her eyes narrowed in faint confusion. “You never got a promotion.”  
  
“Yeah, I did. A big one.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“You see?” he exclaimed, jabbing a finger at her. “You don’t even-”  
  
She shook her head, turning away from him. “Listen, I had a lot of stuff on my mind, then. Stuff you wouldn’t understand but that still doesn’t mean you could cheat-”  
  
“You...you’re just so cold and secretive- what did you think was going to happen, huh?”  
  
Veronica’s fists clenched as she glared at Piz, feeling the anger boiling inside her. “That didn’t give you the right to cheat on me, Piz! You cheated on me and then acted like it was an accident! You had the nerve to get angry because I was angry! Now, now...FIVE years later, you swing on by with the _wonderful_ news about your perfect girlfriend and your perfect baby and you’re expecting me not to get upset?”  
  
“That wasn’t what I came here for!”  
  
“What, then? To say hey?” she rolled her eyes, pulling a makeup bag from her dresser and throwing in all of her jewelry and makeup. “How nice of you.”  
  
Piz pointed at her, his face red and his eyes flashing with a rare anger. “There you go again, belittling me. It’s all you do, Veronica. You think you’re so superior-”  
  
“I do not!”  
  
“You DO!” he exclaimed. “All you do is judge and my God, I felt like I was nothing after a year with you! Don’t you know what you do to people’s self esteem? You kill everything, Veronica- and you haven’t changed, not one bit,” he inhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Haven’t you noticed how alone you are? What’s wrong with you?”  
  
Veronica laughed bitterly, ignoring his question. “I thought you were different, you know. I thought you were-”  
  
He laughed. “What- not like Logan? I thought you liked that in a guy,” he raised his eyebrows as shock flashed in her eyes for only a moment. “Like we both weren't thinking it, Veronica,” he said softly.  
  
“I- I can’t believe you’re still holding on to that...” Veronica trailed off, forcing a tight smile. “No, you’re nothing like Logan, Piz. He never cheated on me. Ever.”  
  
Piz nodded, licking his lips slowly. “I apologized, Veronica. I said I was sorry, over and over. I apologized until you got sick of it, and then I apologized for apologizing so much. I didn't want it to end like that, and I was sick with the guilt of it, okay? It was like a bad movie, and I'm sorry, but it's been years. Why haven't you gotten over it?”  
  
She rolled her eyes, turning back to her suitcase. “I’m so over it. Is Amberly as big as a house, yet?”  
  
“She looks beautiful.”  
  
Veronica laughed bitterly, starting to throw socks into her bag. She didn't even know why she was so damn angry- Piz was right, it had been years since the incident happened. He had moved on, was happy, and she didn’t want kids, anyway. It had all worked out for the best. Even if that should’ve been her life, it had all worked out for the best.  
  
Still, it didn’t stop her from saying- “Aw, you’re just the best boyfriend ever! Saying exactly what she needs to hear...”  
  
That rare, rare anger was in his eyes, and he scowled at her. “Stop it.”  
  
“Why? Am I lying? Don’t you love your little groupie-”  
  
“I loved _you_!” Piz said loudly, and he blinked fast as the words stumbled out of his mouth, clumsy and rushed. “I loved you and I wanted to be with you and you didn’t care! You expected me to sit around while you did your thing, and it was a mistake, Veronica! I moved away from everyone and everything for you and it was a mistake!”  
  
“You didn’t HAVE to come with me!”  
  
“But I _wanted_ to!” he shot back harshly. “I wanted to because I loved you but you didn’t even say thank you. You just got more distant and cold and you acted like I was a burden...it fucking hurt, Veronica. You made me feel like nothing!”  
  
She rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, you’re such a martyr...”  
  
“Veronica, it was, like, five years ago. Okay? Get over it. Grow up,” he snapped. “I came over here for a reason, not to fight with you over stupid crap-”  
  
Veronica nodded quickly, slamming her suitcase shut. She zipped it up violently as the tears welled in her eyes again. She faced Piz fully, sticking her jaw out defiantly. “You know what? You’re absolutely right. Thank you, Piz, for showing me what a horrible human being I am.”  
  
Piz swallowed hard, running a shaky hand through his hair. “Veronica, I didn’t come here for this. I’m so-”  
  
“Don’t,” she snapped, jerking the suitcase off her mattress and hauling it past Piz. The bag hit her thigh hard as she made her way down the hallway. He turned, starting to follow her, and she walked faster, Ace right behind her.  
  
It was bullshit. It was all bullshit, and she needed to get away. She knew where she was going before she even reached the door.  
  
“Where are you going?” Piz called after her.  
  
“I’m going home,” Veronica muttered, not caring if he heard her or not.  
  
  
 _Friday, August 8, 2014, 6:25am: Veronica Mars heads back to Neptune, California after a seven-year absence._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Left Neptune, did the internship, transferred to another college, graduated, worked for the FBI. Clearly, not as fascinating as your tale.”

If there was one thing Veronica could take solace in, it was the fact that after seven years, her father still hadn't changed the locks to their apartment.  
  
The place still looked the same as she remembered. That baby picture of her was still framed on the shelf, and her graduation picture was still on the refrigerator. The same couches, the same paintings on the walls, the same knick-knacks on the shelves. The only differences were the white cashmere shawl on the couch, and the pictures of Harmony (with and without Keith) now adorning the walls along with the Mars family.  
  
There was the distinct smell of jasmine in their air, a sweetly feminine touch. The air conditioning was on full blast, the sudden breeze sending goose bumps down her arms, even though she wore a jacket. Ace fidgeted in her arms, so she released him, watching for a moment as he sniffed the carpet, then began walking around the living room.  
  
Veronica walked down the hallway, passing the shelf that led to her bedroom, her eyes falling on a photo right between the one of her and her father in New York, and a picture of her and her father, when she was four. Herself, Logan, and her father, when Logan had taken them both out to dinner, about a week before their final break-up.  
  
She leaned comfortably against Logan, and her father was across from them, his hand reaching across the table and resting on her wrist. Logan had thought it would be fun to go to a place that served food, drinks, and featured cabaret singing. Her dad had more fun than they did, surprisingly. She remembered thanking Logan properly for the good time later that night, then deciding to find some lingerie for him.  
  
Then, of course, the whole Madison thing happened.  
  
Veronica rolled her eyes, deciding not to dwell as she entered her bedroom, inhaling the vanilla scent that was now getting a bit nauseating. Clearly, someone had been having a field day with Glade Plug-ins.  
  
She threw her suitcase on her bed, still in the same condition as she had left it. Her eyes searched the room as she realized nothing had been touched. Absolutely nothing. It was like she had never left, like she never stopped being nineteen.  
  
She glanced at her partially open closet, noting that even that hadn’t been touched. Her shoes clacked on the floor as she moved to the closet, her fingertips trailing over the clothes hanging neatly. Denim miniskirts, cutesy hoodies, and stylish t-shirts. She pushed aside the clothes, pushing away the old Veronica as she searched past the jackets and tight size 2 jeans.  
  
There was her red homecoming dress, her prom dress, and her graduation dress. Then, in the back, hidden from view, were two items that she had long forgotten. The first brought on an influx of emotions- her pink homecoming dress, covered with a clear, thin plastic. For a moment, she thought of Lilly, of how grateful she was that Lilly didn’t end up like that girl in Michigan, wrapped in plastic on her prom night and dumped in a ravine by a jilted ex, her eyes still open in terror. Lilly’s demise had come quickly; this girl had suffered for hours.   
  
Veronica’s eyes closed shortly, not wanting to think of it. The parallels were too great, it had nearly ripped her in two. It was a bad case to have had as one of her first- she was surprised her superior didn’t demote her then, instead of waiting years.  
  
Before she could fold under the memory, her eyes locked on the item of clothing behind her dress, a dark green, long sleeved shirt. Logan’s shirt. She frowned, trying to recall why the hell she had Logan’s shirt before remembering exactly why. He had ripped her own shirt during one of their many private sessions, and she snuck back home wearing his shirt. She wondered why she never gave it back to him.  
  
Veronica pushed several hangers of clothes in front of the shirt and dress with a satisfyingly hard swipe, her eyes settling on a red shirt with nonsensical designs on it. She hadn’t worn a shirt like that in years.   
  
Her eyes drifted down to her jeans and black business shirt, and she wondered for a moment when exactly she had become so bland. Even her makeup was ordinary- black mascara, pale lips, pale pink eyeshadow. She looked like her mother, before the alcohol took over.  
  
It made her sick.  
  
She cursed silently, trying to remember the last time she wore red lipstick or anything tight without being on a case. Or even nice heels. Or even had nice hair. She hadn’t even worn black nail polish in ages. No identity, none at all. She had become the FBI.  
  
Was Piz right, after all?  
  
There would be no more of that. Veronica had left everything in the apartment that she couldn’t fit into her car. She had left a note, along with her final payment and five hundred dollars extra, for Amar, her landlord, to take everything and sell it. She was sure he would be able to afford that car for his daughter Parvati, now.  
  
The drive to California had been hell. Four days with nothing but the radio, Ace, and her thoughts. She was sick with worry over how her father would react. She had been too scared to even call him, she figured if she just showed up, he couldn’t throw her out.   
  
At least, she hoped he wouldn’t.  
  
The door creaked behind Veronica, and she stiffened, all those years of FBI training quickly filling her blood. She wasn’t in the mood to be attacked, but she was definitely in a bad enough mood to be itching for a fight. She inhaled sharply before swinging around, already in a defensive position.  
  
Harmony Chase jumped, and she nearly lost the towel wrapped around her body, pressing herself against the door. “Veronica!” she exclaimed, her hand flying to her chest. “I almost called the police!”  
  
Veronica slowly relaxed, lowering her arms. Of course. She had almost forgotten in the mess of her colliding thoughts that Harmony lived with her father, now. A quick divorce six and a half years ago had all but guaranteed it. They were more into each other than Veronica had ever thought.   
  
“Harmony. Hey,” she said flatly. “You guys never changed the locks. Good morning.”  
  
“You know your father- good morning!” Harmony shook her damp hair out of her eyes, giving Veronica a smile. It was a kind smile, but the faint panic in her eyes wasn’t lost on Veronica. “It’s been too long! Come here!” she walked over to Veronica, one hand holding on to her towel as the other wrapped around Veronica's back, pulling her into a tight hug.  
  
Veronica returned the hug awkwardly, her mouth twitching into a frown as she realized that it was Harmony who had gone nuts with the scents lingering in the house. Harmony was also uncomfortable, stiffly rubbing Veronica’s back like they were old friends. A slow feeling of dread began to fill Veronica as she realized that just dropping in probably wasn’t the best idea ever. “You look...good,” she said weakly.  
  
“So do you,” Harmony pulled back, her grin growing a bit too wide. “You should’ve called- I would've made a big dinner.” she laughed, waving a dismissive hand in the air. “What am I talking about- you don’t need to call! What are you doing here?”  
  
“I...I left the FBI,” Veronica said, her voice hesitant and almost ashamed, and she wanted to smack some sense into herself, then.  
  
Harmony nodded, biting on her lower lip. “Got sick of the hum-drum repetitious routine, huh? I would’ve.”  
  
Veronica smiled brightly, realizing that Harmony hadn't heard the real story yet. “Yes. I got sick of the routine. It was awful-”   
  
“Are you staying here for a while?”  
  
Veronica’s grin faded briefly. “Well, I was kind of hoping I could stay here until I got on my feet-”  
  
“Oh, honey, yes!” Harmony exclaimed, laughing a bit too loud as Veronica grinned. “Don’t worry about it!”  
  
“T-Thank you,” Veronica stammered, a bit surprised at Harmony’s open hospitality. She hadn’t expected it, especially considering the way she had treated Harmony all those years ago. Her father clearly had better taste than she thought. Her smile grew wider, more nervous now. “Do you like dogs? I have a new one. A small one!”  
  
Harmony’s eyes widened in delight, and she looked almost grateful for the change of subject. “I love dogs! And your dog is our dog, you know that.”  
  
“His name is Ace. He’s really good, very obedient...” she trailed off, glancing over Harmony's shoulder. She wanted to ask the question, but she was so very scared of the answer. It was embarrassing, really. “My dad wasn't in there with you, right?”  
  
Harmony's laugh was loud and crass, and she quickly covered her mouth. “Oh, how embarrassing. No, honey, _no_! He’s working!” she waved absently down the hall. “He’s been so busy- it’s really a blessing. We’re getting new plumbing put in, thanks to a big case. And we’re getting a widescreen next week! It’s a gift from-”  
  
“That’s really nice,” Veronica replied in a small voice, wanting desperately to get to the point. “But my dad-”  
  
“Oh! Do you want to see him? Of course you do,” Harmony said, taking Veronica’s hand and leading her down the hallway before Veronica could protest properly. She gasped at the sight of Ace, looking up at them both quizzically. “Is this your dog?” she exclaimed.  
  
“Y-Yeah.” Veronica shook her head before she could stop herself, realizing then that Harmony just wanted her the hell out of there. She was already an intrusion. “Ace-”  
  
“He’s adorable! I’ll look after your sweet little dog, and you go see your father. Same building, same office,” she gave Veronica a pleasant grin. “Go drop by, it’ll be such a great surprise for him.”  
  
What was left of Veronica’s stunned smile faded. After this, she somehow doubted that.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Maybe it was the soft smell of wood that she missed the most.  
  
Veronica ran her hand over the Mars Investigations label on the closed door, the metal cooling her fingertips. She remembered the first time she walked through those doors, when she was sixteen. Newly shorn hair, with her newly single father, ready to start their newly turned upside-down lives. She had immediately claimed the receptionist desk, and neither had looked back.  
  
It took seeing the door for her to realize that she had missed the office terribly. She had gotten nothing but plain, cold offices, everyday desks and regular phones at FBI Headquarters. She missed the simplicity of Mars Investigations with its kitchen that was falling apart, the walls that always needed re-painting, the coffee table that was about to fall over.  
  
She missed all of it.  
  
With a deep breath, she slipped inside, smiling faintly at the stained glass that shadowed the office. Just like old times. She could already see her and her father eating macaroni and cheese on the couch after closing.  
  
The smile faded at the sight of the young teenager sitting at the receptionist desk and typing away rapidly, her light pink sweater clashing with the red and green hues staining the office. A bright pink iPod sat next to the new computer, plugged into the black tower and quietly playing some pop song. Next to the iPod was a silver picture frame, adorned with pink and purple ribbons that cascaded down to the desk.  
  
 _Her_ desk.  
  
The brunette straightened up as Veronica approached, her long ponytail swaying under the large pink fuzzy band holding it together. “Hi!” she chirped with a wide smile on her shiny pink lips and exposing very white, perfect teeth. “Hello, there!” Her high-pitched voice was sugary sweet, a startlingly cheerful tone. “Can I help you?”  
  
Veronica stared at the girl for a long moment, too stunned to speak. This girl was a very pink distraction in the musky, dim safety of the office. She swallowed hard, getting herself together. “Keith,” she said stiffly. “I’m here to see Keith Mars.”  
  
The girl nodded, primly opening up a crimson notebook and quickly turning pages. “Do you have an appointment?” she asked, her french manicured finger running down the page. “We don't accept walk-ins on Tuesdays, ma’am.”  
  
“I’m his daughter,” Veronica nearly whispered.  
  
The girl lifted her head, her brown eyes flickering with recognition. “Oh! You’re _Veronica_!” she jumped to her feet abruptly, running rather daintily to Keith's closed door, flailing hands and all. Her pink and white Skechers squeaked on the hardwood floors as she went. “Hold on!”  
  
Veronica watched the girl knock, then disappear into Keith's office. She couldn’t have been any more than sixteen years old. A child. And she was cheerful. And perky. And young. This little girl was nothing like her, nothing at all.  
  
For some reason, this annoyed her more than anything.   
  
Veronica scowled down at the receptionist desk, littered with pink post-its and bubbly scribbles in red and blue pen on stationary with the Mars Investigations logo on it. At least the girl was neat- all her post-its and files were arranged just so, and she had even made sure her pens faced down in the purple cup with a cat on it.   
  
She tilted her head at the sight of a newly made identification card. Neptune High. This girl was indeed as young as she looked. She frowned, trying to catch a glimpse of the girl’s name without moving the book resting over it, and only managing to come up with her last name. Marcos.  
  
Ultimately, she hoped her father was understanding, and at least a bit forgiving. She was already drained, she didn’t think she could take her father’s wrath at the moment. More importantly, she didn’t think she could handle his disappointment. She didn’t know how he was going to react upon seeing her, and the thought frightened her just a bit.  
  
“Veronica?”  
  
Veronica lifted her head, her breath catching at the sight of her father there, looking faintly stunned and emotional in his usual business pants and blue button-down. A bit older, more wrinkles near his eyes, but it was still him. She wanted to cry.   
  
Her father had nearly given up his career and reputation to protect her. Hell, he almost lost his freedom. And now, she couldn’t think of anything to say other than-  
  
“Hi, dad.”  
  
He wordlessly walked across the room, embracing her.  
  
Her eyes closed as his strong arms wrapped around her, and she nearly clung to his waist, burying her face against his shoulder. He didn’t say a word, rubbing her back tenderly, and she nearly collapsed against him. “I missed you,” she said hoarsely.  
  
“I missed you, too, honey,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head before holding her at arms length. A short laugh escaped him as he shook his head. “You look great, Veronica.”  
  
Veronica grinned weakly, squeezing his wrists tightly, not wanting to let him go. She had expected the worst. For him to have no reaction, to shun her, anything but the hug he had just given. “You look...awesome. I’m sorry I didn’t call-”  
  
“Stop. This is a nice surprise.”   
  
The girl stepped forward, smiling bashfully. “I can take my lunch if you want, Mr. Mars...”  
  
Keith waved her suggestion away, holding his hand out in her direction, which she promptly took. Immediately, his hand dropped from Veronica’s shoulder, and he gestured at the girl. “Veronica, this is Ashley,” he said with a proud smile in Ashley's direction. “She’s been with me for almost two years now. She is a godsend.”  
  
Ashley blushed, her smile growing wider. “ _Mr. Mars_ ,” she scolded him quietly before facing Veronica. “I’ve heard so much about you, Veronica!”  
  
Veronica smiled uncomfortably, glancing at the ground. Anywhere but at the girl her father was now looking at with admiration. It was a specific adoration he had usually reserved for her, not for some random teenager with a Panic! At the Disco fetish. “Good or bad?” she jumped at Ashley's high laugh, and cringed inwardly.  
  
“I’ve already told Mr. Mars that I want to do what you guys do, I want to be just like you,” Ashley gushed, a faint flush on her cheeks. “My dad doesn’t approve, but he won’t have to know, right?”  
  
“I still think you should tell him of your decision, Ashley,” Keith said firmly. He glanced briefly at Veronica, nodding at his office. “Come on.”  
  
Veronica glanced at Ashley before following Keith inside. She was strangely elated by the fact that her father didn’t ask Ashley to join them, grateful that some things were still sacred.   
  
She observed the room as Keith shut the door, smiling at the brand new fax machine that rested next to his desk, next to the same old rotary phone beside the laptop. His certification was still on the wall and the same file cabinet still stood next to the door. She loved the familiarity of it all.  
  
Keith walked around Veronica, taking a seat at his desk. “Is Piz with you?” A frown played on his lips. “I haven’t really had a conversation with you that lasted more than five minutes since...” he trailed off, glancing at her.  
  
Veronica laughed, shaking her head. “No. Ancient history.”  
  
“What? I thought you guys would’ve- what happened?”  
  
Her smile faded abruptly. “He cheated on me and is now with the mother of his unborn child,” her smile reappeared weakly. “That was a fun year.”  
  
“Oh?” Concern was in Keith’s eyes then, a frown on his lips. “I thought he was a good guy...”  
  
“So did I. I guess I was too much man for him.”  
  
He shook his head. “That’s a shame. I’m sorry, Veronica.”  
  
Veronica shrugged, a sigh escaping her. “Bygones. It was five years ago. He’s happy, I’m happier than I was then, so it all worked out.”  
  
Keith nodded slowly, eyeing her for a moment. “How’s the job?”  
  
“History,” she said with a light, high laugh. “It’s done. I’m over it and back home.” There was something in Keith’s eyes she couldn’t quite place, so she quickly continued. “Obviously.” Another laugh escaped her, one she hoped was free-and-easy, “It got so mundane...so I decided to come home!”  
  
“I suppose that’s good news,” Keith said with a nod.   
  
Something had definitely changed in his eyes, and Veronica wondered for a moment what exactly she had said wrong, what possibly could’ve brought about that look that just crossed his features. Just moments ago, he had been at least moderately happy to see her, and now, he seemed to be almost cringing at the idea of her presence becoming permanent. “Um-”  
  
“How’s life been treating you?” he asked softly.  
  
“Good. Better now that I’ve seen you,” she stood there, noticing for the first time since she reunited with her father the distinct chill in the room. Her gaze shifted to Keith, and he quickly picked up a file, opening it. Of course he would choose now to become a master avoider. “How are you? Really?”  
  
“I’m excellent, Veronica,” he said shortly. “Harmony is fantastic-”  
  
“I know,” she interrupted with a wry smile as she approached his desk, hoping then that a playful, casual demeanor would make her presence more appealing. She hoped a nice, shiny attitude would loosen him up, just a bit. “I ran into her and her towel.”  
  
His eyebrows rose as he glanced at her. “You’ve already been to the apartment?” he asked, unable to keep the surprised tinge from his voice. “Are you staying?”  
  
Veronica’s smile faded, and she quickly looked at her shoes. “Harmony said I could,” she said quietly.   
  
“Ah,” Keith glanced down at his file, picking up a photograph and examining it. “So, what are you planning to do with yourself?” he mumbled, his brow furrowing. “Career-wise.”  
  
Veronica rested her hip against the edge of Keith's desk, awkwardly walking her fingers along her father's bronze nameplate. “I...I could maybe work at the office again. With you. For you.”  
  
He lowered the photo slowly, and the apprehension on his face was painful. “I don’t think so, honey.”  
  
She blinked, shocked. “What?”  
  
Keith sighed, climbing to his feet. “It’s a hard business,” he said gently, walking around the desk so they were face to face. “And I can only hire people I trust. You know that.”  
  
Veronica was unable to keep the hurt from her voice now, and she could feel her chest tightening, her throat closing up. She could almost see fate laughing at her now, ripping away every bit of stability that she had. “You don’t trust me?”  
  
He didn’t answer her question, simply running his hand over her the top of her head, smoothing down her hair in a weak attempt at comfort. “I have to get back to work, honey. Why don’t you go downtown and walk around? Neptune’s changed over the years...go shopping. Be normal.”  
  
She nodded quickly, lowering her head before he could see the embarrassed tears that had begun to fill her eyes. “What about tonight?” she asked desperately, keeping her eyes on the ground. “Are we having dinner?”  
  
“I have to take a trip to Napa. You can have dinner with Harmony.”  
  
“What about tomorrow night?”  
  
He shrugged briefly, resting his hands on the edge of his desk. “I’m having dinner with Harmony and some other people. It’s a private dinner.”  
  
“It’s not a family dinner, is it?” Veronica laughed bitterly when he didn’t respond, lifting her head and not caring that if he saw the tears or not. “I-I’m not family, anymore?”  
  
Keith avoided her gaze, now, busying himself with his tie. “Honey...it’s a routine. We’ve been doing this for years, now, and I can’t just invite you without everyone’s permission. Some people might not be comfortable.”  
  
“I’m unwelcome company, now?” she asked, and she couldn’t stand the sudden shrillness in her voice.  
  
“Honey, it’s going to take time-”  
  
“Fine,” she said sharply, heading for the door just as he reached for her. She still hated the way he always used “honey” as a crutch, a way to soften the blows. She just needed to get away. “Fine.”  
  
Keith rolled his eyes, sinking to the edge of his desk as she flung the door open. “Veronica.”  
  
“I’m fine!” Veronica said with a harsh laugh, giving him a quick nod. “I’ll see you at home.”  
  
“Veronica.”  
  
She was already out the door, pushing her hair behind her ears. “Have a good day.”  
  
Ashley straightened up at her desk as Veronica stalked past, and she gave the blonde a bright smile. “Bye, Veronica! Nice meeting you!”  
  
“Oh, fuck off,” Veronica snapped, immediately feeling guilty at the brief satisfaction that had filled her at seeing Ashley’s smile fade.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Everything had changed.  
  
That was the first thing Veronica noticed as she walked through downtown Neptune. Gone were the crumbling buildings, and up were the newly painted and flourishing businesses. The old dance studio was gone, replaced by a law office. Her favorite Italian restaurant was now a McDonald’s. There was a discount store where the pawn shop used to be. A sleek jewelry store stood next to a dELiAs clothing store, and next to it was a Starbucks. More boutiques. More cafes. More luxury. Less grime.  
  
If there was anything resembling the poor and the seedy, it was kept nicely hidden.  
  
Everything had changed, possibly for the better, and Veronica knew she should’ve been thrilled. This was the Neptune she wished she had grown up in. There still were cheating spouses and crime, but not as obvious. Everything was cleaner, more attractive. _Come to Neptune! Mass murders? Where?!_  
  
Veronica kept her eyes on the scene around her, anything to distract herself from her reunion with her father. He had embraced her warmly, said he missed her, but then chilled considerably. She could’ve sworn he was being completely passive-aggressive with whatever feelings he had toward her at the moment. She guessed he didn’t want to give her seven years worth of a talking-to in front of the help.  
  
She was glad she got out of there in time.  
  
She stepped out of the way of a woman with an armful of roses, nearly running into a row of stylish chairs and circular tables. Another café. Its name was Chasm.  
  
Her eyes fell on the small white gates separating the café from the sidewalk. White and stylish. Everything was white and stylish. Even the hostess at the black (oh, how rebellious!) counter was chipper and bright, all chichi earrings and impeccable makeup. Her breasts were perky in the tight black shirt she was wearing, and the apron she was supposed to be wearing lay on the counter.  
  
More importantly, instead of doing her job, this girl was openly flirting with the gentleman across from her, staring at him coyly through her highlighted hair and running her tongue over her bottom lip, and Veronica couldn’t help but smirk. Some girls were just too desperate. At least that hadn’t changed.  
  
There was a woman in a black suit next to the man, and she seemed to also be talking his ear off. She seemed oblivious to the hostess almost licking her crimson lipstick off, focusing her attention on the gentleman next to her, staring at him intently, trying to make that sale. “So, I think the investment would be wise, you could make a lot of money...”  
  
Veronica’s smile faded as the man leaned forward, resting one elbow on the counter as he crossed one leg over the other at the ankle casually. That back, that posture, that lazy ease. _Oh, no._  
  
Out of all the restaurants in Neptune...  
  
She blinked rapidly, panic coursing through her then. She told her feet to start moving, to break into a run, to do anything but stay frozen on the sidewalk. Then, she demanded that her mouth stay shut, but even that part of her body appeared to be pissed off at her, and before she could even stop herself- “Logan?”  
  
Always alert, Logan Echolls stiffened, then straightened up instantly, and she wondered for a moment how the hell he had heard her in the busy area. He turned, his eyes falling on her almost immediately, and she felt her breath catch.  
  
Even through all the pain and the fighting and the want and the need and the reality of it all, she still felt the distinct lightheadedness that always came when Logan Echolls gazed upon her. It was something she never could explain, maybe it was the strength of a mere glance, the knowledge that they had a sizable amount of history that no one but them could understand.  
  
Seven years later, she still felt the pull, as much as she hated to admit it. Electricity that had been void for so many years.   
  
His hair was a bit shorter, and there was a hint of stubble on his face, but he was still fit and lean. His white dress shirt was tailored to fit, the sleeves rolled to the elbows, and his khaki pants were flattering to his frame. He still looked boyish, and his gaze still intense.  
  
And she might have still been attracted.  
  
Logan’s smile faded at the sight of her, a mix of alarm and confusion passing in his eyes for only a moment. Veronica felt her heart stop, and she was debating which would be worse from Logan- a verbal lashing or the ice cold shoulder.  
  
Then, suddenly, surprisingly, he grinned, and he was still Logan Echolls, in the flesh. “Veronica?”  
  
Veronica exhaled, weakly returning the smile. Her eyes widened in surprise as he left the woman, mid-sentence, and dashed past the crowded tables towards the gates. He was still graceful, hopping over the gates, and she had to laugh as the woman rolled her eyes.  
  
“Mr. Echolls, that is not acceptable!” The woman called loudly.  
  
Logan ignored her, stopping in front of Veronica. “Hey,” he said quietly.  
  
Veronica swallowed hard, staring into Logan’s dark eyes. They were unreadable, even as the smile remained on his face. She suddenly felt remarkably unattractive, wondering if her jeans and shirt were too bland, too frumpy. She wondered if he even noticed how badly she was dressed, if he even cared after seven years apart. “Hi,” she said breathlessly.  
  
She could’ve died from the shock when Logan leaned down, scooping her up into a tight hug.  
  
An anxious, quick laugh escaped her as she awkwardly patted his back, trying to ignore her heart, which decided to wait until that specific time to start racing. “Uh...”  
  
He pulled back, a grin on his face as he looked her up and down. “You look good.”  
  
“So do you,” she replied, unable to keep the smile from her face now. She meant it. He looked great. He looked healthy and happy and not bitter and angry and depressed and everything else she had remembered about him. “What are you doing here? In Neptune?”  
  
“I kind of still live here,” he said with a chuckle. “And I’m about to have lunch,” he paused, glancing at the restaurant. “Are you hungry?”  
  
“Yes,” she said without hesitation.  
  
A short while later, Veronica and Logan sat in a quiet corner of the restaurant, plates of food in front of them. Logan had a glass of beer and a smaller one of water along with his grilled chicken and Spanish rice; while Veronica settled on spinach-stuffed chicken and pasta, along with several glasses of wine.  
  
Veronica was stunned by Logan’s hospitality and his general air of cheerfulness. She hadn’t expected this, not from him. She was ready to see him miserable and bitterly angry, but this was a complete surprise. He was chatty, smiling happily, and just generally full of life. After what they had been through, she was kind of glad that he turned out okay, at least on the outside.  
  
“You know, you might not believe me, but I’ve actually missed you, Mars,” Logan said with a grin. “Bad blood and all. I missed someone calling me on my crap.”  
  
She lowered her wineglass, giving him a skeptical rise of her eyebrows. “No one does? Ever?”  
  
“I just liked when you did. It was a big turn on,” he said with a wink. “I almost tried to contact you, but then I remembered...” he trailed off, his smile fading. “I remembered.”  
  
Veronica smiled sadly. “I had a lot on my mind, remember?” she shrugged briefly. “It wouldn’t have been appropriate, anyway. You know.” A silent, breathless laugh escaped him, one she had always associated with him being uncomfortable, and she quickly glanced down at her plate. “Since I left. With Piz. And didn’t leave a forwarding address. Or a Dear John letter.”  
  
“I know,” he said softly. “Took me a long time to get over that piece of reality.”  
  
An awkward silence fell over them, and the look in Logan’s eyes darkened. Veronica stared at him, wondering if she should explain herself, or demand another apology, or say anything, but before she could open her mouth, Logan continued.  
  
“After that day in the cafeteria, reality hit hard,” he said with a wry grin. “And I went into this slightly ridiculous depression for a day. Only a day. Didn’t get out of bed, just stared at the ceiling and wondered what the hell I was planning on doing with myself. Then...I went nuts. Total breakdown. After I beat the shit out of that guy, and moped around for a day, thinking about what that asshole said to me and you and about what a mess I’ve made of my life, I took off in my truck. Left Neptune, left everything. So, naturally, I went-”  
  
“To TJ,” Veronica finished with a smirk.  
  
The grin on Logan’s face was amused and sardonic all the same. “Naturally. I was messed up and relapsed. I didn’t know what to do with myself and I just went completely insane...booze, drugs, women- the whole nine. For about two long months. I was such a fucking wasteland, I don’t know what the hell was wrong with me. Typical me, I guess,” Logan laughed at the memory, setting down his napkin. “So, your dad randomly calls me, like, a month before school starts up, asking if I’m planning on returning for the semester. Shock and drunken awe aside, I call you a few choice names, curse him out, curse the family name, both yours and mine, and he yells. He actually _yells_ , and I swear to God, Veronica, that sobered me up good.”  
  
“My dad.” Veronica frowned slightly, unable to remove the cynicism from her tone. She knew she had told her father to look out for Logan, but she hadn’t expected him to actually take Logan under his wing. “Dad called you. To come back to Neptune.”  
  
“Yeah. He gave me twenty-four hours to get my ass back home. He even threatened to come after me himself.”  
  
“Are you serious?”  
  
He nodded quickly. “I guess he was lonely. Or bored and wanted a project, I don’t know. Anyway,” he chuckled, glancing up at Veronica. “I was in my car and back to Neptune in three hours.” He paused, taking a quick drink of his beer. “I get home, and your dad puts me through total detox. No drinking, smoking, drugs, not even women. He calls me pathetic and just goes all Sheriff Mars on me.”  
  
She leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re not screwing around with me?”  
  
“Baby, this isn't something I can make up. In a nutshell, your dad is all,” Logan paused, mimicking a very angry Keith. “ _You think I’m going to let you ruin your life? No! No, I will not! Get over it, get over HER, and get yourself together before I do it for you_!” he straightened up, his face relaxing. “Your dad should’ve hosted that Scared Straight show. He, like, lived at the Grand with me for a month. He escorted me to class. He-”  
  
“Was distracting himself,” Veronica said quietly, picking up her wineglass and downing the rest of it.  
  
Logan shrugged, a sigh escaping him. “Maybe.” He smiled slowly. “You know, in seven years, I’ve never really asked him why.”  
  
“He wouldn’t have told you anyways.”  
  
He chuckled. “That’s true. But there's a happy ending, though. Look at me,” he opened his arms, glancing down at himself, then back at Veronica. “Graduated from Hearst, got a job, became a man. Bask in my glory.”  
  
She didn't bite, giving Logan a faint smile. She knew, just as he did, that they were all lucky he had made it this far. All with her father’s help. He had given up on her, and transferred all of his fatherly effort onto Logan. Obviously, it was just what Logan needed. “What did you major in?”  
  
He grinned. “Journalism, of course.”  
  
She mimicked his smile. “Of course! Is that what you’re doing now? Freelance?”  
  
“Kind of. I have a syndicated column- it’s pretty popular in these parts, kind of autobiographical. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it.”  
  
Veronica gave a prompt shrug, glancing down at her food. “I was...busy. And working. A lot. Didn’t have time to read much.”  
  
“Ah.” Logan cleared his throat, pouring Veronica another glass of wine. “Enough about my life. What about you? What’s your tale?”  
  
She smiled. “Left Neptune, did the internship, transferred to another college, graduated, worked for the FBI. Clearly, not as fascinating as _your_ tale.”  
  
He returned her smile. “Every story is fascinating in the end.”  
  
“How poignant.”  
  
“Yeah, I stole that from your dad,” Logan’s smile faded slightly, and he looked almost lost in thought. “I owe him everything, Veronica,” he said quietly. “The last five years have been all kinds of tough, and for some reason, he’s been there.”  
  
Veronica nodded quickly, picking up her fork and continuing to eat. “I’m sure he’s just happy that you did well, Logan,” she paused, unnerved by the slight turning of her stomach. “It sound like you two are close.”  
  
“You have no idea,” he said with a laugh. “I have dinner with him every Wednesday, now. It’s really nice.”  
  
Veronica frowned slightly as she remembered what her father had told her earlier. That family dinner. Oh, God, he was talking about _Logan_ not being comfortable.   
  
She suddenly felt anxious, and she quickly glanced at Logan, realizing with dread that he felt the same way. She saw it in his eyes then, a distinct awkwardness that she recalled seeing when he asked her if he could date Parker. He was uncomfortable.   
  
Then, as if to confirm her thoughts, he laughed, shaking his head. “I have to admit, this is kind of shocking. I never expected you to come back.”  
  
“Do you want me to go?” she asked, trying to keep her tone light and humorous but cringing at the hesitation in her voice.  
  
“No! No...” his smile wavered. “It’s just been a while. That’s all.”  
  
“If it makes you feel any better, you’re not the first person I’ve run into.”  
  
“Who were the other victims?”  
  
Her eyes narrowed slightly at his choice of words, wondering for a moment if he was being passive-aggressive or if it was just her imagination. “Dad. And Harmony.”  
  
He nodded. “They must’ve been thrilled.”  
  
“Sure,” A sigh fell from her lips as she remembered her conversation with Keith, earlier that day. “Dad said I couldn’t work for him anymore, you know,” she said with a bitter smile. “He said he didn’t trust me.”  
  
Logan chuckled at the sight of Veronica’s hurt expression, and Veronica could almost see him likening her at that moment to a rejected toddler. He quickly straightened up when she glared at him. “Don’t take it personally, Mars. It’s because you're a G-Man. You could compromise his work or something.”  
  
Veronica’s jaw clenched as she realized he had a point, but the slight chill in her father's touch wasn't forgotten. “He doesn’t _trust_ me, Logan.”  
  
“Well, what do you expect? You up and left him.” The icy silence that followed from Veronica gave Logan the chance to swipe her wine glass, taking a long sip. He set it down, giving her the faintest of smiles. “Speaking of the FBI, I heard you got kicked out of _said_ FBI,” he said softly, leaning his forearms on the table as he gazed at her.  
  
Veronica flushed, and she quickly glanced down at her plate. “Who told you that?”  
  
“Dick.”  
  
She laughed, not knowing what else to do. “He’s like a twelve-year old girl.”  
  
“That’s our Dick,” Logan picked up his glass of water, staring at it for a long moment before taking a drink. “What happened?”  
  
Veronica’s gaze lifted, and she met his stare. “Are you going to write about it?” she asked sternly.  
  
He held up his hand. “You have my word, it stays between us. I swear on my mother.”  
  
“Insubordination.”  
  
His laugh was loud and startling. “I knew it! Dick owes me a grand, that fucker.”  
  
Her eyes narrowed as Logan continued to laugh. “Why exactly are you taking bets on my personal failures?”  
  
“Don't be so melodramatic. Dick swore you got kicked out for being a double agent, I told him not to be a dumbass and it went from there. Doesn't matter- I win, and the status quo once again prevails.”  
  
Veronica gazed at Logan, suddenly annoyed. Apparently, the status quo was her reputation for failing, for defying authority, for being a screw up. She wondered if he knew he had insulted her, if he even cared. “Nice to know you think so highly of me.”  
  
His grin faded slightly, and he shrugged. “It's not that serious.”  
  
“It is to me,” she responded, an edge in her voice.  
  
Logan leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest as he examined Veronica’s face. “Heard good ol’ Pizzy is going to be a dad, too.”  
  
She sighed wearily, picturing the figurative knife Logan was currently shoving deeper into her chest. “Who told you that?”  
  
His smile was small, but gentle. “Dick. He heard it on some radio show,” he chuckled. Immediately, the grin was gone. “What happened.”  
  
“Does it matter?”  
  
“Color me insanely curious.”  
  
Veronica shrugged, meeting his gaze. “We grew apart, and he...he started seeing another girl. Her name is Amberly and of course, she’s gorgeous,” the bitter smile was on her face before she could stop it. “Total rocker chick.”  
  
The look in Logan’s eyes was unreadable. “You guys broke up because he was seeing another girl, or he _left_ you because he was seeing another girl?”  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly at Logan’s question, her gaze quickly dropping to her plate. “I still don’t know,” she lied.  
  
He nodded, deciding then to drop the discussion at hand. “Okay. He was your only _one and only_?”  
  
She smiled briefly. “No...there was Garrison. He worked for the FBI. He kind of looked like Blair Underwood-”  
  
Logan gave her a surprised grin, his eyebrows rising. “So you dipped in the dark chocolate, huh? Never would’ve thought...”  
  
Veronica smirked. “Oh, like you didn’t!”  
  
“I totally did, but I find myself liking the mocha a bit more these days-”  
  
“Can I help you with anything, Logan?”  
  
Veronica froze, lifting her head. There was Carmen Ruiz, hair curly and pinned prettily so strands fell down to her shoulders. She held a black notepad and wore a similar look of surprise on her face. “Carmen?”  
  
Carmen’s mouth dropped, and she smiled happily. “Veronica! Oh my God! How are you?”  
  
“Fine,” she sat, stiffly returning the quick hug Carmen gave her. “You?”  
  
“Wonderful! I’m fabulous- Neptune’s fabulous! You came back at the right time.”  
  
Veronica laughed slightly. “I’m thinking I did! I just keep running into people...” she trailed off, gesturing at Logan.  
  
“Just like old times, huh? You’re lucky you ran into some familiar people, nearly everyone left and didn’t come back. Don’t leave- my shift’s over in an hour.” Carmen’s gaze moved to Logan, and something changed in her eyes. “Are you free tonight?” she asked quietly.  
  
Logan’s smile was unmistakable, Veronica knew it well. That knowing, wicked grin that had turned her on so many times in their relationship, and oh God, he was sleeping with Carmen Ruiz.  
  
“I’m working tonight,” Logan responded, his grin growing.  
  
Carmen bit back a smile, peering at him through her curls, and it was like Veronica wasn’t even there. “I can bring over a snack...”  
  
Veronica felt like throwing up in mortification, or punching Logan upside the head. Maybe both.  
  
Logan shook his head slowly. “Can’t. Unfortunately, I have a deadline,” he paused, gazing up at Carmen. “I could maybe use some breakfast, though...” he smiled as Carmen slowly smiled. “What do you say, doll?”  
  
“We’ll see,” Carmen said with a dismissive wave, and Logan laughed as she stuck her pen behind her ear. “Can I get you anything?”  
  
“A check?”  
  
She smirked, backing away from their table. “It’ll be at the register.”  
  
Logan cringed playfully. “Ouch.”  
  
Veronica’s scowl was on Logan now as Carmen walked away. He watched Carmen leave, and she leaned over, swiping at his arm and getting his attention. “Exactly how many girls are you sleeping with?” she hissed.  
  
“Two,” he whispered, more than amused by her reaction.  
  
She shook her head in disgust, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest. Just when she thought he had changed for the better, he managed to prove her undoubtedly wrong. “Good to know _some_ things never change.”  
  
He rolled his eyes. “Oh, shut up. It’s just sex. Carmen knows what it is, I know what it is. We’re both adults.”  
  
Veronica laughed skeptically. “So, casual sex is still one of your many addictions?”  
  
“ _Good_ sex. You clearly haven’t had any in a couple of years- my chippies know it’s not serious. They’re in it for satisfaction, just like me.”  
  
“So, what, you take them to a hotel?”  
  
“ _No_ , I take them to my condo. I romance them, fuck them, then I cook them breakfast and give them a ride home the next morning,” he smiled. “Call it the Echolls Special.”  
  
She stared at him with slight revulsion, yet strangely grateful for the familiarity of their discussion. “You haven’t changed one bit.”  
  
“You’d be surprised.” Logan said dryly, staring at her hard. “Jealous?”  
  
Veronica snorted. “Not in the slightest.”  
  
Logan smirked. “All right...” he sang softly, glancing off to the side at the balcony. Something caught his eye, and he grinned slowly.  
  
Veronica’s gaze followed Logan’s, falling on the group of leggy, attractive women near the balcony, all three watching Logan with hungry eyes. Potential trophy wives, apparently. All wore diamonds and heels, and Veronica wagered that they were all named Heather.  
  
She glanced at Logan, then back at the girls, making sure they were looking at him. Of course they were, and the tall brunette in the middle was currently attempting to have eye sex with him. And of course, she would be.  
  
Logan was evidently Neptune’s most eligible, richest, and attractive bachelor.  
  
Veronica cleared her throat loudly. “Logan.”  
  
His eyes darted in her direction, and he was back, the lazy smile was back on his face. “So, tell me about your trials and tribulations in the FBI. What exact moment of insubordination prompted them to fire your tiny ass?”  
  
She sighed wearily, not wanting to talk about the FBI thing again. It was definitely the last thing she wanted to discuss. “Can we talk about something else?”  
  
“Whatever you want.”  
  
She glanced at the balcony, where more trophy wives had gathered like a bunch of vultures around their prey. Logan’s eyes had drifted back to the balcony as well, and he eyed the women, sizing them up.  
  
Veronica suddenly felt lonely.  
  
She remembered when Logan only had eyes for her, nearly ten years ago. His whole world had revolved around her and trying to make her happy, and she was comfortable, at least for a little while, in that little bubble of suffocating, intense love. Now, he barely acknowledged her when she was just three feet away. He was more interested in the skanks over at stage left. Their past barely made a blip on his radar, and he had moved on.  
  
Veronica was definitely lonely.  
  
She missed what she had just experienced in an hour-long lunch. Conversation and laughter. Dry humor. Naughty jokes and sordid stories. Silly tales of times past. She missed having a conversation with a close friend. Yet, strangely enough, and more than anything, she missed the physical. The loneliness was always worst when there was absolutely nothing to look forward to, nothing at all.  
  
A smile perked on Logan’s lips, and oh, God, he was still so very attractive. He was healthy and successful and a respectable citizen and downright _hot_. Everything she had wished for when they dated. He had become the man she had needed him to be all those years ago.  
  
At the moment, a one-night stand wasn't looking like such a bad idea. It would drastically help with her depression, and Logan was much better than a random guy. If he could partake in casual, no-strings-attached sex, she didn't see why she couldn't. At least she knew the sex would be fantastic.  
  
Or maybe that was just the wine talking.  
  
She wasn’t thinking straight, which was probably why she leaned over, resting her hand on Logan’s wrist. She hesitated for a moment before running her fingertips along the inside of his exposed forearm, immediately capturing his attention.  
  
A tried and true method. He always responded to her touch, right there. That touch had gotten her many favors, had gotten him to bend when he had previously refused. Her magic touch.  
  
“So,” she purred, fixing him with a firm, powerful, and knowing stare. “What does a girl have to do to get the Echolls Special?”A look Veronica couldn’t place flashed in Logan’s eyes, and she fought to keep the smile on her face. “I’m just curious...”   
  
He leaned forward, gazing at her suggestively, and her smile was there, bright and genuine until his hand clamped down on hers. The look in his eyes was hard and almost blank now. “It was never _just sex_ with you,” he said with a hint of annoyance, quietly and just for her ears. “You ought to know that by now,” he released her, leaning back in his seat and glancing around the restaurant.  
  
Anywhere but her.  
  
Veronica pulled her arm back underneath the table, as she felt her face heat up with the embarrassment of Logan’s rejection. With the shame of her obvious desperation. With the realization that she had attempted to use Logan, and he hadn’t fallen for it. “You know what? I-I’m going to...”  
  
“Let me walk you to your car.”  
  
Her head shot up, her confused eyes locking on his. “Huh?”  
  
As always, Logan paid for their lunch, and to Veronica’s surprise, he left a hearty tip for all the waitresses working on that shift, including Carmen. She wasn’t surprised by the cheerful goodbyes he got from the employees, he probably kept them all well-paid.  
  
They walked in silence to her car, Logan’s hands buried in his pockets, and Veronica’s arms crossed tightly over her chest. She glanced at him as they neared her silver Saturn, noticing that he wasn’t even paying her any mind, focusing intently on the sidewalk.  
  
As they reached her car, she forced a grin on her face, unhooking her keys from her belt loop. “Thanks for the lunch,” she said, trying in vain to keep her voice light and friendly. Ultimately, she was trying not to die of embarrassment in front of him.  
  
Logan nodded quickly, pulling his hands out of his pockets. With them came a small, white business card in his left hand. “This is my new home number,” he said quietly, pulling a small, sleek pen out of his back pocket. “And,” he clicked the pen, starting to write on the back of the card. “My new cell number that no one but very important people get. Consider yourself lucky.”  
  
He handed over the card, watching as Veronica inspected it. He tapped a corner, raising his eyebrows. “My work number and e-mail are on there, too,” he said matter-of-factly.  
  
Veronica stared at the card, noting the professional-looking “Talk Magazine” logo- simple font, “Talk” was large and underlined, with a large circle above the T. His name was to the right, and under it was “Columnist.” Beneath it were his work number, as well as his e-mail.   
  
That checked out. He actually had a legitimate job.  
  
“Just in case you need anything,” Logan continued, slipping his pen back into his pocket. He pulled out a pair of sunglasses from his breast pocket, opening them up. “You know. A ride, dinner, shoulder to cry on, partner in crime...”  
  
Veronica smiled faintly, tucking the card in her back pocket. “If I need anything-”  
  
“Which you won’t.”  
  
“I’ll give you a call,” she finished, undeterred. She was quiet for a moment, wondering if he was giving her the card out of consideration, or because he really wanted to. She decided then she didn’t want to know the truth, allowing the moment of kindness to pass. “What are you up to?”  
  
He shrugged, glancing over her head at the cars passing by. “I have to get back to the office, pick up my laptop. Go to a meeting. Then I’m done until tonight,” he finally glanced down at her, a fine dreariness in his eyes that she hadn’t noticed before. “What are you doing with yourself?”  
  
She laughed slightly. “I guess I’m hanging with Harmony.”  
  
He nodded, a heavy sigh escaping him. “She’s cool. Keith did her good, she’s really happy now...” he trailed off, nodding. “It was nice seeing you again, Veronica.”  
  
Veronica gave Logan a smile, nodding once. “It was nice,” she agreed.  
  
Logan tilted forward, then seemed to catch himself, nodding again with a smile and holding his hand out. “We should do this again.”  
  
She nodded once more, taking his hand and shaking it loosely. She had caught his mistake- he was going to hug her, or kiss her, or something. An instinctive move, and he had stopped himself. She was disappointed and grateful all the same. “I’ll call you.”  
  
“I’ll be waiting,” Before she could respond, he had slipped his sunglasses over his eyes, giving her a brief smile. “Have a good one, Mars.”  
  
Without another word, he turned, walking away from her and down the sidewalk.  
  
Veronica watched him go, an overwhelmingly heavy loneliness dropping down on her shoulders. He didn’t look back, didn’t hesitate, just kept walking away like he had done that afternoon in the Hearst cafeteria. For about two hours, she had felt like she was truly back to a Neptune she understood and appreciated, only to have jolting reminders of the actual reality.  
  
Logan wasn’t her Logan anymore. He was more confident, more mature, successful, happy. A man. She was pleased over this development, but at the same time, she didn’t recognize him at all. He was a complete stranger.  
  
Everything had changed, morphing and growing into this new town with new people she didn’t recognize. She didn’t even know her father anymore.  
  
Her lips pressed together tightly and she refused to dwell on it any longer, walking around to the driver’s side door and climbing inside. It was time to go back home and rebuild her life.  
  
Hopefully, luck would be on her side.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, she didn’t think telling her dad that she was getting ready for The Great Escape, Part Two was the best way to start any conversation.

Carmen was using one of his couches as a trampoline and Logan would seriously have found it to be cute and strangely hot if he wasn’t so pissed off.  
  
She showed up at one in the morning with a bag of champagne bottles from Chasm, as well as some of those excellent spinach rolls that might convince him to invest in the restaurant after all. He had played coy and even held up his laptop for her viewing pleasure, but, frankly, he couldn’t resist the cherries and silk ties she pulled out of the bag.  
  
His eyes followed as she danced on the white couch, sipping on a bottle of champagne and loudly singing along to the Rihanna CD she had slipped into his stereo earlier. A smile perked on his lips as he saluted her sly seduction routine- food, drink, and a sheer boy shorts and tank combo. The red lips didn't hurt, either.  
  
Logan had to give it to Carmen Ruiz- she was never desperate. She had kissed him hello just twenty minutes earlier, then refused to touch him since bouncing on the couch seemed a lot more appealing, he supposed. It was refreshing. Usually, girls jumped him the second they waltzed in, wearing nothing under their jackets. Yet, Carmen undressed in front of him, paying him no mind as she opened up that bottle of champagne.  
  
Foreplay like this was awesome. He loved the chase.  
  
Logan didn’t know who he was kidding- it wasn’t like their “thing” was remotely special anymore. She had slept over far too many times to count. He was her rebound guy, after all. Carmen’s taste in men hadn’t improved after that Tad shithead, so she looked for comfort in a familiar face.  
  
Truth be told, he never thought he would ever fuck Carmen Ruiz. Yes, she had been a resident hottie at Neptune High, but, like Meg Manning before her, had been untouchable. They had hung out, even paired up for classes, but he never thought of her like that. Even after the whole Popsicle debacle, he had kept his distance.  
  
Then, years passed and he ran into her at Chasm. She a waitress and he a patron. Their first time was an accident- a random go on the beach after too many beers and other alcoholic beverages. He wasn’t drunk, but she was inviting, so he gave in.  
  
Surprisingly, he enjoyed her company, and even offered to beat up her shitty boyfriend. She had laughed, and it was enough for him.  
  
Deep down, he appreciated the friendship that came with his thing with Carmen. It really wasn’t just sex, they were legitimately friends. He always looked out for her, and she had his back just the same. She never expected anything in return, and that alone made her different than ninety percent of the girls who tried to get into his bedroom.  
  
Ultimately, Carmen Ruiz was cool. He liked how chill she was about everything, they never needed to have long conversations about their feelings. It was wonderful.  
  
But Carmen wasn’t the reason why he was so angry.  
  
“Enjoying yourself?” Logan called over the music, propping his feet up on the coffee table in front of his large couch.  
  
She nodded, halting her dance for just a moment. “Dying yet?”  
  
He smirked. “Take off your shirt and we’ll see.”  
  
Carmen rolled her eyes, leaning over towards the cherry bowl, resting on the couch arm. She flung a cherry at him before continuing her dance.  
  
Logan chuckled, catching the cherry before it could hit him, and tossed it into his mouth. “I’m expecting some serious fun soon,” he warned her.  
  
“Patience is a virtue...” she sang quietly.  
  
Of course, overanalyzing his relationship with Carmen was just a cover. Their thing was just that. Nothing more, nothing less.  
  
But it kept him from thinking about Veronica Mars.  
  
The revolving thoughts were what pissed him off. He didn’t need the drama that followed that girl around. He didn’t need the drama that inevitably smacked him in the face when he was around her. For years, he had done everything differently, had relationships that were the exact opposite of the one he had with her, just to avoid the pain and the heartache that came with being around Veronica Mars.  
  
He just wanted to move on. And yet, after nearly ten years, she had found him without even trying.  
  
She was still as beautiful as ever, if a bit worn. She had gained a bit of weight in all the right places, and her hair was still long and soft. She still smelled wonderfully. She still had a smile that made him want to have it just for himself. She still fit into his arms perfectly. Her eyes were still ice cold. She was still witty in an insecure way.  
  
She was also kind of pathetic.  
  
Logan didn’t want to waste time thinking about Veronica, not when he had survived for so long without her and her baggage. She had nearly destroyed him all those years ago- no. She hadn’t destroyed him. He had ruined himself. However, he had allowed himself to be affected by her in such a way...  
  
He didn’t want to experience that, ever again. Not when he finally had his life in order, everything packaged and labeled and lined up neatly with care. Everything was perfect and without complications, just the way he liked it.  
  
He was living the fucking American dream.  
  
He didn’t want to fucking think about Veronica Mars anymore. He didn’t want to worry about her anymore, either. He just wanted to live his perfect, uncomplicated life, just the way he liked it.  
  
“Are you thinking about Veronica?”  
  
Logan blinked in annoyance at the sound of Carmen’s teasing tone, and he shot her a glare, jumping to his feet. “ _No_.”  
  
“I can tell, you know. You get all intense...” her eyes lit up with a certain naughty playfulness. “It’s kind of hot.”  
  
He chuckled, not knowing what else to do as he started to pace around the coffee table. “You’re warped.”  
  
“Mm...it’s okay, you know,” Carmen continued, her words breathless gasps as she jumped. “You were in love with her-”  
  
“For those of us playing the home game, _were_ happens to be the keyword,” he snapped. He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “She looked odd.”  
  
Carmen popped a cherry in her mouth, frowning. “Depressed.”  
  
“Yeah.” Logan glanced at her, stopping in his tracks. “What do you think?”  
  
“About Veronica or in general?”  
  
“Veronica.”  
  
Carmen shrugged, returning to her game.  
  
Logan nodded, inhaling deeply. “You’re a big help, _princesa_.”  
  
She rolled her eyes, coming to a stop. She took a moment to regain her balance, giving him a tiny smirk. “Why don’t you come over here?” she asked in a low voice.  
  
He smiled slowly, moving towards her. “You’re ready to play?”  
  
“As long as you play nice...”  
  
Logan eyed her, hooking his finger underneath the band of her underwear. “I always play nice.” There was a hard knock on the door, and he froze, glancing over his shoulder. His eyes narrowed. “What the hell.”  
  
Another sharp knock echoed through the condo, and he let out an annoyed huff, walking to the door.  
  
Carmen rolled her eyes, beginning to jump again. “Don’t take too long.”  
  
“Uh huh,” Logan flung the front door open, blinking as he came face to face with Dick Casablancas. Dick, who currently looked like he had been sleeping in his car. “Dude. Are you drunk?”  
  
“ _Dude_. My lady kicked me out because of this stupid-” Dick ran a weary hand over his face, holding up his cell phone. “You need to call Parker. And tell her to stop fucking calling me. She’s getting me in trouble with the missus.”  
  
Logan’s eyes narrowed. “ _Why_ is she calling you?”  
  
“Because you won’t answer your fucking phone, that’s why.” He held up his hand before Logan could respond. “And before you start bitching, I tried to call you myself, but I got your voicemail. So, shut the fuck up.”  
  
Logan sighed. “What’s the problem?”  
  
“Are you avoiding her?”  
  
“No...” he trailed off, shrugging. “I’ve been busy. I’ll call her in the morning,” he paused, a frown playing on his lips. “Veronica’s in town.”  
  
“ _Veronica_? Rich-dude-kryptonite Veronica?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Huh.” Dick shook his head. “Listen, fucking call Parker now, she’s driving me nuts. She’s acting like your mom, and she’s acting like MY mom, and that’s not hot,” he gave Logan a knowing look. “And that sucks, ‘cause Parker’s too _hot_ to be a grown man’s mommy, dude.”  
  
Logan gave Dick a hard look before glancing over his shoulder at Carmen. “Don’t talk about her like that, man,” he mumbled.  
  
Dick peered over Logan’s shoulder, giving Carmen a bright smile. “ _Hola_ , Carmen!” Carmen waved at Dick absently, and his smile grew as he glanced at her chest. “It’s kinda cold tonight, isn’t it?”  
  
Logan smirked at Carmen’s scowl, before facing Dick. “Classy,” he said matter-of-factly, closing the door so only he was visible. “Are you done?”  
  
Dick groaned. “I still can’t believe you’re banging Carmen Ruiz. Give some of the little guys a shot, man.”  
  
“She chose me, my friend,” Logan said proudly. Dick was quiet for a moment, and for that moment, Logan was almost fearful as he stared into Dick’s eyes. He knew that look, that devious look. “What.”  
  
“So...” Dick cringed playfully. “Mind if I take a crack at Ronnie? I haven’t seen her yet, but she’s probably still a hottie-”  
  
“ _Stop_ before I make you regret it,” Logan said sharply. “Good night.”  
  
“You’re just greedy, man.”  
  
Logan grinned. “Get some sleep. I’ll call Parker in the morning, and then we’ll hang.”  
  
Dick tilted his head, trying to keep eye contact with Logan even as the door started to close. “Don’t ditch me, dude!”  
  
Logan nodded, shutting the door in Dick’s face. Another problem averted for the time being. Now he really needed a distraction. A pleasant one, at that. No more worries or obligations or reminders or forgotten memories or any other headaches.  
  
That column could be written tomorrow. It could wait.  
  
He turned to Carmen with a flourish, sauntering to the couch. “Done torturing me?”  
  
Carmen stopped bouncing, giving Logan a wicked little smile as she took another sip from her champagne bottle. “Just how bad do you want it?”  
  
“I’ll fold and say _pretty damn bad_ ,” he replied, gently taking the bottle out of her hand and setting it down.  
  
Carmen smiled as Logan cupped the back of her neck, bringing her down. His lips ran over her skin, and she gently touched the side of his face, pulling back. “Listen, we can do this another time,” she said, her eyes with a hint of concern. “We can just talk, you know? We can talk about random crap, about Veronica-”  
  
“Veronica?” Logan frowned, confused. “Veronica who?” he lunged forward, grabbing Carmen’s thighs and throwing her over his shoulder. A smile played on his lips as she squealed, and he started for the bedroom.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
“Veronica! Breakfast!”  
  
Veronica’s eyes opened slowly and she blinked, stifling the yawn threatening to escape. Her bleary eyes focused on her alarm clock, noting the time. 7:22am. It was definitely way too early for this crap, especially from Harmony. “Yeah,” she muttered to herself, covering her eyes with her hands.  
  
Another restless night, another night of counting the cars that drove below her window. She had slept in her old bedroom for a week now, and each night brought fewer and fewer hours of sleep.  
  
Her dad had finished with his job in Napa and had come home to a house full of awkwardness, with Harmony watching television and Veronica locked in her bedroom. This trend had continued for the rest of the week. Veronica didn’t bother denying to him that she and Harmony weren’t getting along, he would see right through her lies anyway. She was certain that anything that came out of her mouth would sound like she was attacking Harmony, and she decided that she didn’t want to get into an argument with her father so early into her indeterminate stay.  
  
Harmony wasn’t that bad, in all honesty. Veronica knew Harmony was trying. She cooked, cleaned, and attempted conversation, but Veronica just wasn’t having any of it. She didn’t want to tell Harmony about what had been going on for the last seven years, and she definitely didn’t want to confide in someone who had just entered the picture. Deep down, she knew the only reason Harmony was being nice to her was because she held the privileged title of Keith’s Only Daughter. Still, Harmony attempted to bond, and Veronica continued to rebuff her.  
  
If Veronica weren’t so miserable, she would’ve felt bad for Harmony.  
  
Veronica also hadn’t given her father the details of how she spent her time during the last week. She wasn’t sure he would be pleased to know she was busy looking up jobs in Nevada and New Mexico and had already gotten an offer to be an investigator in Crescent Valley for less money than she ever made working for her father. Somehow, she didn’t think telling her dad that she was getting ready for The Great Escape, Part Two was the best way to start any conversation.  
  
Honestly, his anger and/or shock would’ve been unwarranted- what exactly did he expect to happen? She was feeling- again- like an outcast, and he hadn’t exactly welcomed her back with open arms. She tried not to anticipate the argument before it happened. After all, she hadn’t left yet. She was depressed and lonely, but she was still there.  
  
She had also been staring at Logan’s business card for embarrassingly long stretches of time, and fought the sporadic urges to give him a call. Despite the fact that she was still kicking herself over her faux pas a week ago, she was still shocked to find him on her mind when she wasn’t stressing over the rest of her situation. His name sat there, mocking her with its shiny writing and the rejuvenated man behind the name, and she almost went mad with confusion and curiosity. However, she didn’t call, not wanting to seem desperate. In turn, he didn’t call her even once, and she had to keep reminding herself that it was because she never gave him her phone number, and not because he just wasn’t interested in getting it.  
  
Regardless, she refused to appear desperate.  
  
Desperate for what, she wasn’t sure. A friend, someone to keep her company, someone to join her in her misery, whatever. She just knew she liked what she had seen in the restaurant, even though she was still skeptical of whether Logan’s behavior was permanent or just a phase.  
  
In this new Neptune, she was kind of hoping it was just a phase- at least being disappointed by Logan would be a welcome familiarity.  
  
Despite all of the thoughts running through her head, what really disturbed Veronica was the fact that her father had kept in close contact with Logan and didn’t feel the need to tell her. She had told him to look after Logan, and she hadn’t heard a thing since. Betrayal was the first emotion to come to mind- apparently, it wasn’t important to let her know that her ex had cleaned up, graduated, and got a job.  
  
Everyone had just moved on and forgotten about her. It was far more upsetting than she would ever admit.  
  
  
 ** _Seven Years Ago_**  
  
“Look, you don’t have to come. I...I’m going whether you agree or not, because I need to get out of here before I jump off the Coronado Bridge, so if you don’t want to go, maybe we should just break up so you won’t be waiting for me because I’m not coming back. I’m just trying to be fair, okay? I know you have your own priorities, but for my own sanity, I need to go.”  
  
Veronica inhaled deeply, her rehearsed speech now out and left floating in the tension of the room. She swallowed hard, her eyes settling on Piz, who continued to stare at his lap and definitely not at her. He was as silent as he was when she first started talking, and it was beginning to unnerve her.  
  
A part of her was angry that the only safe haven on campus just happened to be in Piz and Wallace’s dorm, and she was even angrier when she realized that Wallace wasn’t even there to comfort her, since he was currently at one of his Invisible Children meetings.  
  
She couldn’t go anywhere without getting stared at. Whispers and giggles followed her wherever she went, and it was like she never left Neptune High. She almost expected Madison and her ilk to show up in one of the bathrooms, writing her phone number on the wall beneath an untrue proclamation of how many guys she had given head to.  
  
Frustratingly, Piz still wasn’t talking.  
  
The awkwardness from the whole altercation in the cafeteria wasn’t really there when she gave Piz a hello kiss, and if he was annoyed or angry with her, he wasn’t showing it. Really, he had no reason to be pissed off- she didn’t do anything wrong. She had smiled at Logan- so what? Piz had nothing to be upset about.  
  
She honestly didn’t know what Piz’s reaction was going to be. After all that had happened, she felt she owed Piz the courtesy of informing him of her plans. Beyond all the politeness and the rules of being a good girlfriend, she just didn’t want to leave town by herself. She couldn’t ask her father to leave, Wallace wouldn’t go, and she couldn’t even dream of asking Mac. Obviously, Parker and Logan were no-go’s, and Veronica realized that she didn’t really have other people to turn to.  
  
She nodded to herself, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. “Piz.”  
  
Piz blinked, finally lifting his gaze and focusing on her. “Y-Yeah?”  
  
Veronica let out an impatient sigh, her arms falling at her sides. “Are you going to come with me or not?” she asked, trying to keep her voice steady.  
  
Truth was, she was terrified. She was about to leave her home permanently for the first time ever, and she was now asking her boyfriend of a couple of weeks to more or less move in with her. From second base to sharing space on the bathroom sink. It had taken her months to leave a change of clothes at Logan’s place, and that was after about three break-ups and reunions, several near-death experiences, and countless “I love you’s” and sleep overs. She was more than terrified. She was scared to death.  
  
“I’m trying to be fair to you, but if you don’t want to come with me, I understand- you have your own internship to do and I definitely don’t want to stop you but I don’t want you to think that I’m pushing you away because I’m definitely not-”  
  
“Veronica.”  
  
“Piz, I don’t want you to hate me, but I have to go, so I’ll understand if you want to break up and do your internship. No hard feelings-”  
  
Piz laughed slightly, giving her a shrug. “Veronica, I’ll go.”  
  
She blinked, surprised, and found herself staring at him rather dumbly. “What?”  
  
“I’ll go with you.”  
  
Veronica laughed nervously, shoving her hair behind her ears. “But what about your internship-”  
  
He climbed to his feet, walking towards her. “Veronica, there will be other internships...Hearst kind of sucks, anyway, and I just don’t want to lose you or our thing together.”  
  
Still stunned and unsure of what else to do, she gave him a relieved smile as he embraced her, her arms wrapping around his waist. “Are you sure you’re just not going because you think the big bad FBI will sweep me away?” she teased gently.  
  
He didn’t respond, his fingers running through her hair, and her smile faded.  
  
“I’m going because I think I’m falling in love with you,” Piz finally mumbled against her hair, holding her tighter.  
  
Veronica nodded, her smile fading completely. Out of all the things she wanted and needed for him to say, that definitely wasn’t it. She felt her face grow hot, and she was certain Piz could see her panic as he cupped her face. She blinked, hoping the fear was gone when he gazed into her eyes, but she quickly shut them as he leaned down, kissing her softly.  
  
He pulled back slightly, giving her a faint smile. “Are all the bugs gone?” he asked softly.  
  
“Yeah,” she smiled anxiously. “Why?”  
  
He shrugged. “Well...stupidity from outside parties shouldn’t stop the inevitable, right?”  
  
Veronica gave him a suggestive leer, fighting back the nervous giggles threatening to escape her. “What exactly do you have in mind, Piznarski?”  
  
Piz didn’t respond, his mouth pressing against hers firmly.  
  
She kissed Piz back, already convincing herself that this was all normal, that new couples made these kinds of decisions all the time. He guided her to his bed and she let him, her fingers grasping onto his shirt tightly as she tried to forget that this was going to be their first time, not allowing to let the anxiety take over.  
  
This was normal. Eventually, new couples had sex, and she was surprised to be more prepared for it than she thought she would be. She sighed when his lips pressed against her neck and she was actually going to enjoy this, she was sure of it. It all felt good and not weird and, really, nothing was more normal and carefree than having sex in your boyfriend’s dorm. It beat worrying about mobs and sex tapes and her father being in trouble with the authorities. She welcomed the distraction.  
  
Her hands pulled at his t-shirt and she blocked out the dueling worries in her head, focusing on what was happening then and there- not on the state of her life and the fact that she was eventually going to have to tell her father of her plans.  
  
  
 ** _Now_**  
  
“Veronica! Breakfast!”  
  
Veronica grit her teeth at the sound of Harmony’s husky yell, throwing her blanket off her body in a huff. “I’m COMING!” she shouted, sitting up swiftly.  
  
“Veronica!”  
  
She froze, knowing her father’s warning tone all too well. She forced a tight smile on her face, inhaling deeply. “Yes?”  
  
“You need to come right now. Your food’s getting cold!”  
  
Veronica fought the urge to roll her eyes, climbing to her feet. “Can’t I at least shower, first?” she muttered, running a hand through her unruly hair as she padded to the bathroom.  
  
Clearly, her father and Harmony had used up all the hot water, and Veronica closed her eyes tightly through the ice cold stream, trying to will some heat onto her body as she scrubbed her skin. She dipped her head under the water, gasping as the cold water hit her scalp and slid down her body, and before long, she was shivering.  
  
Fate was already shitting on her, she didn’t see why it had to allow her a warm shower all of a sudden.  
  
She didn’t look at the mirror as she brushed her teeth and tied her wet hair into a ponytail. A part of her didn’t want to see how she knew she looked- dead, sickly, pale, miserable. No reminders necessary.  
  
Veronica walked to the counter in the kitchen, winding her hair into a bun as she approached the counter. She gave both Harmony and Keith a small smile as she slid into her seat. “Good morning,” she said stiffly.  
  
Keith didn’t look up from the sports pages, reaching for his glass of orange juice. “Morning.”  
  
Veronica’s smile faded as she glanced down at her plate, a hearty helping of scrambled eggs and thick slices of ham. “I don’t eat ham,” she said automatically.  
  
Keith looked at Harmony, who flushed red, before turning to Veronica, giving her a firm stare. “Then just eat the eggs.”  
  
With a short nod, Veronica picked up her fork, digging into the eggs. “Ran into Logan at this restaurant. Chasm?” she said, trying to keep her voice light.  
  
“Oh?”  
  
Veronica nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me you guys had really kept in touch?” she laughed after Keith gave her a puzzled look. “When we talked on the phone?”  
  
“Considering all our conversations were always under five minutes and usually were about the same thing, there wasn’t really any time-”  
  
“You didn’t think that information was important enough to tell me?” she cut him off sharply.  
  
“You didn’t think you quitting your job and breaking up with Piz was important enough to tell _me_?” Keith shot back, giving her a hard look.  
  
Veronica’s jaw set, not wanting to get into an argument then and there with her father. True, their conversations had consisted of the awkward “how are you, fine, how’s life, fine” for seven years, but somehow, the whole thing with Logan seemed like news of a different level. She knew she should’ve made more of an effort to reconnect with her father over the years, but between the fear of what she would find out and the fact that her life was having more downs than ups, she had decided it was best for them both if they kept their conversations simple.  
  
Now, she was regretting it.  
  
“There wasn’t much to tell,” she said shortly. “We just broke up, I just quit my job.”  
  
Keith stared at her for a long moment, and she caught him trying to see through her lie. “Okay.”  
  
She set down her fork, glancing from Keith to Harmony. She was just going to bite the bullet and ask exactly what she had been wondering for the last week. “Okay, honestly- do you guys even want me here?” she chuckled nervously, almost afraid of their answers and growing more panicked by their blank expressions. “I’ll find a place to stay if I’m barging in on your-”  
  
“It’s not that,” Harmony interjected, looking slightly embarrassed when both Keith and Veronica looked at her. “It’s just...I don’t think we’re used to having permanent company after six years of being alone. It’s going to take some getting used to.”  
  
Veronica glanced at Keith, looking for confirmation of Harmony’s words, and was relieved when he finally nodded, avoiding her gaze. “Are you guys sure? I can look somewhere else...”  
  
“No,” Keith said quickly. “No. You’re staying here until you get on your feet.”  
  
She frowned slightly, eyeing her father almost suspiciously and waiting for him to reveal his true feelings about the situation. Instead, he gave her a warm smile, and she couldn't stop the faint thrill that ran through her at the sight of it. Maybe he wasn’t as mad as her as she thought.  
  
With a faint grin, she picked up her fork and started to eat. “What are you guys doing today?” she asked lightly.  
  
“Working at the art gallery,” Harmony said, climbing to her feet. “In fact, I’m going to be late,” she gave Keith a quick kiss on the forehead before racing for the bathroom.  
  
“I’m working at the office,” Keith said, continuing before Veronica could speak. “Why don’t you keep yourself busy? Go shop downtown, be normal.”  
  
Veronica’s fork dropped with a clang, and she gave her father a slight glare.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Logan stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, a sigh escaping him. This definitely wasn’t the way to start out a day. He had bags under his eyes, his back was sore, his hair was a mess, and he looked tired as hell. Sure, he hadn’t gotten much sleep, but it was his own fault. A shower was going to have to fix all his problems.  
  
He reached for the electric razor on the counter next to the sink, his eyes drifting down, then back up at his reflection. The last time he had shaved was about two weeks ago, and he couldn’t say he was dying to get rid of the stubble. With a press of his lips, he pulled his hand back, running it through his hair. Maybe he would shave it off another day.  
  
A hot shower managed to soothe the tension in his back, and he noted as he dressed that he was about a good hour early for work. He glanced at his watch as he headed out the door, wondering if he could catch his favorite gamer before she reached the bus.  
  
The forecast was warm and sunny, and he couldn’t say it suited his mood. He had been in a funk since running into Veronica just a week ago, a funk he hadn’t been able to shake off. Certainly, it wasn’t Veronica’s presence that was causing the mood swing, rather, he realized it was _her_ mood that had drastically changed his.  
  
Unfortunately, she was a dark grey rain cloud in his warm and sunny life, and he didn’t know how to rid her from his thoughts. Concerned. He was concerned, and maybe just a bit annoyed. He had a life, a regular routine, and Veronica had definitely thrown his everyday into a figurative twist. The voice in his head told him to just let it go, that she would be gone in a couple of days and everything would go back to normal.  
  
Considering Keith hadn’t informed him otherwise, Logan took that as a sign that Veronica was, for the time being, there to stay. As much as he cared for Veronica, he couldn’t help but associate her with suffocating love, pain, and slamming doors. He didn’t need it in his life.  
  
A small smile came upon Logan’s face as he drove, spotting the tall brunette walking down the sidewalk, a khaki bag flung over her shoulder. He slowed beside the girl, lowering his car window and giving her a grin. “Hey there, beautiful!” he called. “Wanna ride?”  
  
Heather Button bit back a smile, glancing over her shoulder at Logan’s truck. “Good morning, old man!”  
  
“Morning, college girl.”  
  
She gave him a roll of her eyes. “Not yet- I’m still in orientation, remember?”  
  
“But you made it,” he paused, cringing playfully as he pulled to a stop. “I suppose it’ll be creepy to offer you some candy?”  
  
Heather laughed, jumping off the curb and swinging the car door open. “Shush, people will _talk_ ,” she gasped as he held up a tiny, makeshift bouquet of colorful Tootsie Roll lollipops. “Oh my God, you were serious about the candy!”  
  
Logan jerked the candy out of her grasp. “Aced the French?”  
  
She gave him a pleased smile as she climbed into the car. “ _Oui, j'ai fait, mon ami_.” she snatched the candy out of his grasp before leaning over and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “You’re awesome!”  
  
He smiled, jerking back slightly when her lips got too close to his, giving her a faintly anxious nod as he reached into the backseat, his eyes still on the road. “Look what else I got you-” He pulled out a grey t-shirt, tossing it on her lap. “It’s customary to get a shirt when you become a Hearst co-ed...now you’re official.”  
  
Heather grinned, putting the shirt on over her tank top. “How’s it look?” she asked, striking a pose.  
  
“You look like a girl gone wild,” Logan turned the corner, heading for Heart, and a small smile played on his face. “XBox after class?”  
  
“Don’t you have to work, gramps?”  
  
“Excuse you, I have what’s called a lunch break.”  
  
* * * * *  
  
Veronica slipped into Chasm, dodging the laughing teenagers walking out with their strawberry smoothies. The café, as usual, was packed with locals and college kids. The television propped against the wall was tuned to some coverage of Fashion Week, and from the speakers came the end of a We Are Scientists song, and the beginning of an Amy Winehouse one.  
  
The sight of this New Neptune still shocked her. Everyone was happy and the town was full of young money-makers and hipsters. The latest mayor had definitely revitalized the town and turned it into the hippest place to live this side of San Diego. Even the River Styx was bought out and replaced with a sports bar.  
  
Veronica surveyed the crowded restaurant, looking for the only familiar face. She found her near the bar, leaning on the counter as the bartender slid her a glass of water. Another younger waitress with glasses appeared behind the counter, and Veronica noted that she looked like a taller, slimmer Mac. The teenager told Carmen something, and Carmen pointed to the table across the room, and the young girl was off.  
  
She hadn’t spoken to Carmen since that day in the restaurant, not wanting to rehash Carmen’s exchange with Logan or the fact that she hadn’t waited for Carmen’s shift to end before bolting. Most of all, she didn’t want to keep explaining why she was back home or how it happened or anything in that area.  
  
At the moment, all she wanted was a fruit salad and a smoothie.  
  
With a shake of her head, Veronica walked over to the bar, quickly gathering her nerve. Carmen didn’t seem to notice her, continuing to chat with the bartender, sipping her drink. “Carmen.”  
  
Carmen turned, a happy little grin coming upon her face at the sight of Veronica. “Hey, girl! Good morning! What’s going on?”  
  
Veronica smiled briefly, appreciating the genuine niceness coming from Carmen. It was a welcome break from the cautious tiptoeing in her own home. “Just wanted some breakfast.”  
  
“Okay, what do you need?”  
  
She shrugged. “Fruit salad and a banana smoothie?” she watched as Carmen nodded, quickly writing down her order and handing it to a passing waitress. “I’m sorry.”  
  
Carmen’s brow furrowed. “For what?”  
  
“For...” Veronica trailed off, sighing as she gripped the back of a chair. “For leaving without saying goodbye. It was rude and I was tired...”  
  
“Oh, that’s fine. I figured as much-” she smiled as the bartender slipped a cherry into her water, and she grabbed his wrist. “Veronica, this is Chad- the hottest gay man you will ever meet.”  
  
Veronica waved, forcing a grin on her face. The last thing she needed was a big introduction to the newest Neptune residents, but she chose to be polite. She couldn’t really afford to be a bitch in her current state. “Hi.”  
  
“So you’re Miss Veronica, huh?” Chad said, looking her up and down. “You’re a bit of a legend around these parts. I heard about the popsicle and Carmen, here.”  
  
Carmen nodded, looking briefly shamed. “Veronica had my back...”  
  
“Well, then I think she deserves a free meal,” Chad winked at Veronica before walking across the bar and serving a waiting customer.  
  
“I’m serious about that,” Carmen said, facing Veronica once more. “You had my back, and it...it was really a learning experience. I mean, I became more open and vocal now because of it,” she grinned. “Honestly, could you have seen me like this ten years ago?”  
  
Veronica chuckled, remembering the whole thing between Carmen and Logan and no, she definitely couldn’t have seen Carmen like that ten years ago. She dug the pads of her fingers into the chair she was holding, clearing her throat. “Um, listen, Carmen. I just wanted to...” she trailed off, an anxious laugh escaping her as her mouth started to move before she could stop it. “Logan used to be my boyfriend and I know you guys have a thing...but I’m not saying that I’m upset or anything-”  
  
Carmen laughed, blinking in shock. “Oh my God, Veronica- are you seriously annoyed that we’re messing around?” Veronica didn’t respond, and Carmen face lit up in an amused dismay. “ _Veronica_! Are you serious?”  
  
Veronica’s jaw clenched, and she forced a tight smile. She knew she should’ve stopped talking, tried to prevent herself from shoving her own foot deeper into her mouth, but of course, her mouth now had a life of its own and was not concerned with keeping what was left of Veronica’s self-respect intact. “He used to be-”  
  
“But it was almost ten years ago! I honestly thought you would’ve been cool with it- you went out with Duncan and Logan, remember? And didn’t you leave town with that other guy, anyways?”  
  
Veronica laughed, not knowing what else to do. “I-I don’t see what one has to do with the other...”  
  
Carmen glanced around the restaurant as if someone would come to her defense, before fixing Veronica with a gaze that Veronica closely associated with a sort of confused pity. “I honestly had no idea you would’ve been so up-in-arms about this, Veronica. I mean, really, no one thought you were ever coming back. We all thought you were gone forever.” she gave Veronica a small, faintly embarrassed smile. “Besides...I’m not exactly dating him. It’s just a friendship. And sex-”  
  
Carmen suddenly gasped, grabbing Veronica’s arm. “You don’t still have a thing for him, do you?”  
  
“What?” Veronica let out a loud laugh, shaking her head. “No! No...I just-”  
  
“You just thought you would mark your territory without peeing on his leg?” Carmen smirked at Veronica’s look of shock, squeezing Veronica’s arm comfortingly. “Veronica, I’m sorry if my thing with Logan freaked you out, but honestly, it’s been years. And we all thought you weren’t coming back. Ever.” she said gently. “I’m sorry if this is awkward, but...get over it.”  
  
Veronica stared at Carmen for a long moment in shock, processing her words. Finally, she nodded, her lips pressing together tightly. “You’re right,” she said, trying to keep her voice even. “You’re absolutely right. I-I mean, exactly who am I to expect Logan to stay alone-”  
  
“Trust me, he didn’t. There was this one girl-”  
  
“Of course there was...” Veronica said with a high-pitched laugh. She felt sick, the last thing she needed or wanted to do was discuss all of Logan’s little skanks over at stage left. “That’s enough, Carmen.”  
  
“Yeah,” Carmen said, her mouth puckering into a frown. “Don’t worry about it, though. Logan and I...we’re nothing serious.”  
  
“Thank you, Carmen,” Veronica said, unable to keep the sharp tinge from her voice. She turned, pushing past patrons toward the door, ignoring Carmen’s shouts.  
  
She didn’t want to eat, anyway.  
  
She couldn’t reach her car fast enough, and the aimless drive around helped her mood slightly. She didn’t know what came over her- why should she care about Logan and Carmen? None of that mattered, even if she was dying to know what Carmen saw in Logan that she was missing. Seven years had passed, and while she really had no desire to go through the epic pain and bloodshed of any sort of a relationship with Logan, she still wondered why all these girls were trying to jump on him. It couldn’t have just been the sex. Had he changed that much?  
  
After several minutes of kicking herself over her run-in with Carmen, Veronica decided to elevate her mood by shopping at the discount clothing store. She could get a cheap outfit and voila, instant mood lifter.  
  
It didn’t take long for her to realize that she was lost.  
  
Pulling over out of the way of traffic, Veronica licked her lips, clutching the steering wheel firmly. She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply through her nose. She wasn’t about to have a panic attack because she couldn’t find the discount boutique. There was no way in hell she was going to have a breakdown because she was lost in the middle of Neptune. No way in hell.  
  
“Everything’s okay. Everything’s fine. I’m okay. I’m going to be just fine. Everything’s cool...” she whispered to herself, her voice shaking. “No one hates me, I am loved. No one hates me...”  
  
She inhaled deeply, blinking back the tears threatening to break through. “I am not a failure, this is just a setback in my path. I am loved, I am not a failure, everything’s okay,” she shut her eyes tightly, clutching the steering wheel painfully taut. “Everything’s just cool- I’m cool- everything’s fine-”  
  
The sharp knock to her window startled her, and she jumped with a gasp. Her eyes flew open, and she glanced at the driver’s side window, spotting Logan peering in, a faintly concerned look in his eyes.  
  
Perfect.  
  
A strong annoyance filled her at the sight of him, and she hastily pressed the button on her door that lowered the window. “Are you following me?” she snapped.  
  
Immediately, the concern was gone from Logan’s eyes, and he shot her a look. She continued to glare at him, and he looked at her oddly, before gesturing down the street to a sleek building. “That’s where I work,” he said simply. “Talk Magazine. I work on the tenth floor, where I have worked for the last three years. My boss’ name is Harrison Stewart and his daughter is the receptionist. Your dad got me the job. My coffee mug has lightning bolts.”  
  
She blinked rapidly in embarrassment, noticing that he was in black dress pants and a white shirt with a loose, dark red tie. His hair was neatly done, and he clutched a metal coffee thermos in his left hand. He was indeed heading to work. “Sorry.”  
  
He nodded, even though the annoyance wasn’t fully gone from his eyes. “What are you doing this fine morning?” he asked dryly.  
  
“I got lost looking for the discount boutique,” she mumbled, wiping at her eyes.  
  
Logan shook his head, a sigh escaping him. “Closed down about six years ago, replaced by a comic book store.”  
  
She nodded, stifling the frustrated scream that was threatening to break free. “Of course, it was.”  
  
He frowned. “Wait- how the hell did you get lost?”  
  
Veronica let out an exasperated sigh, not in the mood to participate in Logan’s Q &A. “I left that restaurant you like and was driving like normal people do, was thinking and not paying attention, and I got lost.”  
  
Logan glanced to his left, biting back a smile as he faced her once more. “Chasm is, like, four blocks away. You were driving around in circles,” he chuckled, his smile fading when he caught her glaring at him. “Yeah, no boutique.”  
  
She scowled, hating him then for finding her misfortune so damn amusing. It was just like high school all over again. Something bad happened to her, and he found the humor in it. It was the second time in one week that he had made light of her very real problems, and yes, this was a minor blip of a problem, a stupid case of misdirection, yet she still felt slighted.  
  
“There’s a dELiAs two blocks down-”  
  
“I don’t want a dELiAs,” Veronica said sharply. “I want the boutique.”  
  
He frowned, glancing down at his thermos. He seemed unfazed by her snipe as he lifted his head, eyes on her once more. “Want some pink lemonade?” he asked, lifting his thermos and wiggling it at her. “I made it.”  
  
“You did not.”  
  
“You’re right, I didn’t.”  
  
She sniffed, glancing up at him. Their previous exchange, and her bad mood, was almost immediately forgotten as she gratefully sank into the absurdity of their conversation. “Who did?” She waited for his answer, already assuming, hoping it wasn’t Carmen.  
  
He shrugged, looking faintly amused. “Mr. Kool-Aid?”  
  
A laugh escaped Veronica then, and she nodded, pushing her hair behind her ears. “Your kitchen skills have gotten better since I last-”  
  
“Listen, I have to get to work,” Logan said abruptly, straightening up. He nodded down the street. “The dELiAs is all you’re gonna find, V.”  
  
She blinked, startled by the sudden shift in discussion. “O-Okay.”  
  
“Okay,” he nodded once, waving his thermos at her. “See ya.” With that, he walked away from her car, waiting for a moment before jogging down the street.  
  
Veronica watched him go, once again not turning back to look at her, and she felt that strong depression overwhelm her. She didn’t want to shop, she didn’t want to eat, she didn’t want to be normal.  
  
Nothing about her life was normal and would never be normal again, and she didn’t want to even try to fit in. She had spent the last fifteen years trying to fit in, and she was just tired. Logan didn’t want anything to do with her, not even her father wanted to bother with her.  
  
She didn’t want to feel awkward anymore. All she wanted to do was disappear.  
  
  
 ** _Seven Years Ago_**  
  
“Veronica, stop for a second.”  
  
“I have to go.”  
  
Keith watched as Veronica tugged her suitcase down the hall, Backup right behind her, and he could feel his chest tightening with a specific kind of dread. She had told him that she was leaving Neptune permanently just fifteen minutes ago, and it was safe to say he was extremely close to freaking out and tying her down before she did something she would regret. “Veronica.”  
  
She gritted her teeth, yanking the suitcase to the door before opening it. “Dad, I...I can’t stay here. I have the internship and I’m just _tired_. I _can’t_.”  
  
“Veronica-”  
  
“Dad, I just need you to let me go.”  
  
“You’re moving out on a whim, Veronica. You’re leaving with a boy you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks- can’t you see why I can’t agree to this?”  
  
“I do see,” she said solemnly. “But I still have to go.”  
  
He nodded, vowing to keep steady, not to panic. She was a big girl and she could do whatever she wanted, but he knew if he could just convince her to relax and think things through, then everything would be all right. Everything had to be. “Veronica. Just sit down and talk to me. If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. Just sleep on it-”  
  
Veronica chuckled dryly, shaking her head as she walked past her father towards her bedroom. “I can’t.”  
  
Keith followed her, watching as she opened her desk drawer, pulling out a metal box. Her hands shook, and all he wanted to do was hold her, but he remained stuck to the spot, afraid to even touch her. “What if I wanted you to stay?” he asked quietly.  
  
“Dad,” her voice trembled, and her lips pressed together as she pulled out a small envelope, papers and items falling to the table. He knew what that envelope was- identification papers. Legal documents. Social security card. She was really leaving. “Just...please. Let me go.”  
  
“Veronica.”  
  
Veronica walked over to her father, averting her gaze from his as she tilted up on her toes, leaving a gentle kiss on his cheek. “I love you.”  
  
He embraced her, hating when she stiffened in his hold. “Just think carefully about this.”  
  
She pulled away, shaking her head as she pushed her hair behind her ears. “I need you to look after Logan for me, okay?” she said quietly, her words rushed. “I really need you to.”  
  
Keith didn’t bother hiding his surprise at her request, knowing full well that this wasn’t the kind of request Veronica made every day. “I-I don’t-”  
  
“Please,” she sighed heavily, her shoulders slouching. “I have to go.”  
  
“Veronica.”  
  
“I love you, dad.”  
  
“ _Veronica_.”  
  
“I’ll call you when I get there.”  
  
“Please.”  
  
Veronica’s gaze finally locked on his, and he could see the tears welling in her eyes and threatening to spill over. “I love you.”  
  
Before he could respond, she had walked away, her head lowering as she reached the door. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, anything to make her stay, but he stayed silent as she picked up her suitcase, lugging it out on the porch.  
  
Keith knew then that he had to say something. Now or never. He needed to, or she was just going to walk out. He didn’t even know if she was going to come back or if this departure was just an overreaction and she would return in time for dinner. “I love you, honey.”  
  
She hesitated there, and hope filled him as he waited for her to turn, to announce she was reconsidering. Then, she bit her lip, shutting the door with a slam.  
  
He stood there for a long moment that turned into five minutes, then ten, waiting for the front door to open and for Veronica to reappear. The sun hadn’t even set, and his daughter was gone for good. He had expected this much later, when she had a well-paying career and a well-adjusted life, when he was confident in letting her go.  
  
Yet, now, he wasn’t ready. He definitely wasn’t ready.  
  
Keith turned, walking further into Veronica’s room and glancing around. Her room was in an almost neat disarray, and although he wasn’t sure how that was possible, she had managed. He sank to the computer chair, his eyes landing on her green graduation cap, forgotten next to a picture of herself and Wallace.  
  
His gaze shifted to the metal box left opened on the table, and he picked up the stack of photographs still in it.  
  
Lianne. Lianne and Veronica at various ages. Himself, Lianne and Veronica. Lilly. Duncan. Wallace. A lot of scenery shots of the beach. Logan.  
  
Keith’s eyes narrowed as he dropped the pictures, focusing on the one in his hand. Veronica and Logan on what looked like a bed, both in their pajamas and looking just woken, smiling for the camera that Veronica held over their faces. Not exactly the way he wanted to have the point drilled in that his daughter had sleepovers at her ex-boyfriend’s place.  
  
A part of him felt a gnawing guilt at looking through Veronica’s personal, private items, things that she had obviously kept hidden from view. However, it was out in the open, now. If she had wanted it, she would’ve kept it.  
  
He picked up a piece of paper, deep square creases from being folded and opened and folded again, a letter that had been read continuously. His eyes skimmed over the page, a typical, ordinary love letter from Logan to his daughter, and he quickly averted his gaze to the bottom of the page when the letter got too personal, too intimate for his eyes.  
  
His gaze fell on the last sentence before the end of the letter, a scrawled, almost rushed _You make me happy_.  
  
With a shake of his head, Keith gathered up all of these keepsakes that Veronica had kept and treasured for years, placing them back into the metal box and closing it. He slipped it into her drawer and shut it before standing and walking out of her bedroom.  
  
When Veronica returned, that box would be there for her.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Piz glanced anxiously at Veronica as he drove, watching briefly as she stared absently out the window. She had been silent since she got into her- now _their_ \- car, allowing him to drive and pick the radio station the entire trip.  
  
“Veronica?”  
  
She blinked, slowly turning toward Piz and offering him a weak smile. “Yes.”  
  
“We can turn back any time you want,” he said gently. “We don’t have to go.”  
  
“Yes, we do,” she nodded to herself, turning back to stare out the window. “I’ll be fine, just keep driving.”  
  
Piz didn’t respond, returning his attention to the road and focusing on the task ahead and not on the clearly troubled girl next to him. She was off in her own world, and he didn’t know how to help her, if she even wanted help. So, he chose to ignore it, telling himself that everything would be okay once they got out of Neptune.  
  
Veronica sighed, a faint, sad smile on her lips. “I don’t know how-” she froze when Piz suddenly reached over, raising the volume of the radio. Her smile faded as she returned her gaze to the passing scenery. “Everything is going to be just fine,” she whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely rock bottom. Veronica Mars was cruising the self-help section.

A faintly disgusted frown formed on Veronica’s lips as she flopped back on the new and improved Mars Investigations couch, crossing her arms over her chest. Her father was currently showing Ashley: Super Secretary how to use a camera- a Nikon Coolpix 8700 to be exact. Much to Veronica’s dismay, Ashley appeared to be getting the hang of it rather quickly and Keith was quick to show his pride for his new protege.  
  
Ashley laughed, shaking her head as she adjusted her fingers, peering at the lens before pointing the camera at Keith, who struck a rather silly pose. Veronica didn’t even know why Ashley was there- it was a Friday afternoon- why wasn’t she hanging out with her friends or something? She wasn’t a normal teenager and crap, she was hugging Keith’s arm.  
  
Primitive instincts told Veronica to march over to the receptionist desk, shove Ashley aside and proclaim “MY DADDY” but she subdued them, instead opting to glower at the pair, her legs bobbing rapidly against the coffee table. She didn’t know why she sat there when she could’ve just stayed home like Keith had probably expected her to, but she didn’t want to continue the awkward dance with Harmony, nor did she want her father to helpfully tell her to “be normal.” She would suffer the indignity of being the third wheel. For the time being.  
  
Keith glanced at Veronica, giving her a slight smile. “Veronica, want to show Ashley how to shoot a wide shot?”  
  
Veronica forced a smile on her face, leaning forward and picking up her bottle of vitamin water. “I think you’ve got it covered, dad.”  
  
He hesitated for a moment before nodding, turning back to Ashley. “Let’s go over to the window and I’ll show you how this old man does it.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes closed shortly as Ashley’s high laugh echoed through the empty office. She stifled a sigh, her fingers clutching at her water bottle. “Dad,” she said through gritted teeth. There was no response as Keith continued to talk. “ _Dad_.”  
  
“Yes, honey?”  
  
“Doesn’t Ashley have homework to do?” she laughed slightly. “Aren’t you wasting her time?”  
  
“No problem!” Ashley chirped, giving Veronica a bright smile. “I did most of it during study hall. I just have this one project for AP English-”  
  
Veronica gave Ashley a tight smile. “Then why don’t you get to it?”  
  
Ashley’s smile faltered. “I will. Tonight.”  
  
The front door opened, and Veronica silently thanked whatever God was listening for the sudden interruption. She turned, ready to greet the potential customer before the great Ashley could. The sight of Logan paralyzed her, and she sat there, mouth open in mid-greeting, and then exhaled sharply when he smiled at her. “Hey.”  
  
“Hey,” he responded, giving her a short nod before walking past her to the receptionist desk, a small duffel bag flung over his shoulder.  
  
Veronica sat up, setting down her vitamin water as she watched Logan move across the room. He looked like he was ready to go to the gym, and she was tempted to ask if she could tag along, just to get the hell out of that office. Her eyes lingered on his back for a moment before sharply darting down to the coffee table and quickly picking up a magazine and flipping through it.  
  
Silently, she questioned Logan’s timing- he had a knack for showing up when she looked her worst. The jeans and oversized hoodie she currently wore had seemed comfortable at the time, but in hindsight her clothes undoubtedly made her look frumpy, especially when Logan’s workout clothes looked brand-spanking new.  
  
Keith offered Logan a smile as he approached. “Good afternoon.”  
  
“It’s not a very good afternoon,” Logan muttered, glancing at Ashley. “Hi.”  
  
Ashley flushed crimson and gave him a quick, awkward wave, and Veronica fought the urge to roll her eyes.  
  
“Listen,” Logan reached into his bag, pulling out a black folder and holding it up. “I want you to read this,” he said, waving the folder for emphasis. “Before I mail it.”  
  
Keith frowned. “What is it?”  
  
“I’m doing battle with the realtor. I’ve had it.”  
  
“Then you might want to get your lawyer to read it.” Keith shrugged when Logan made a face. “Cliff? What happened to Connie?”  
  
“Cliff’s _a_ lawyer,” Logan said, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. “ _Connie_ said she doesn’t give a shit about my frivolous issues and to call her when I get involved in the long overdue custody battle. _You_ , on the other hand, are well-equipped to read and critique a freaking dissatisfied customer letter.”  
  
Veronica eyed the group across the room and she could almost feel her ears perk up in curiosity. “Why are you doing battle with a realtor?”  
  
Logan glanced at her over his shoulder, giving her a tight smile. She weakly returned his smile, rubbing her hands along her knees anxiously. The stubble still bothered her and he looked tired and rather pissed off, but his smile still got to her. His entire presence did- his head wasn’t down, he wasn’t mumbling as much as she remembered, he didn’t look depressed or insecure- she still hadn’t gotten used to it.  
  
It wasn’t attraction that was making her dwell on Logan. Definitely not attraction, but she was fascinated. Intrigued. She wanted to know what caused the change and why it bothered her so much. She wanted to get under his skin and see what happened to him. Of course, as much as she wanted to know the truth, she knew she wouldn’t follow through on the curiosity. At least, not yet. She didn’t need Logan’s incredible journey to personal and professional success to twist the knife in her back even more than it already was.  
  
“I was told there were no fire ants,” he explained. “And surprise, fire ants all over my mini-lawn.”  
  
“I could look up some exterminators-”  
  
“Keith,” Logan ignored Veronica, turning back to the conversation at hand. “I refuse to pay for this.”  
  
Keith shook his head, opening up the folder and skimming the page inside. “Logan, I honestly don’t think you’re going to be able to make your realtor pay for this...especially when it’s such a trivial thing. Besides, you’re a millionaire with thousands of dollars in investments and stocks. It kind of makes you look like...” he trailed off, glancing at Logan.  
  
“A douche?” Veronica offered with a bright smile.  
  
Keith, Logan, and Ashley stared at Veronica, not one even humoring her with a smile. Finally, Logan chuckled, lowering his head as he nodded. “I really missed you busting my balls, Mars.”  
  
Veronica shrugged, smiling even though she felt like crawling underneath the couch. “That’s what I’m here for!” she said, inwardly cringing at the sound of her voice reaching that infuriatingly high-pitched level of embarrassment.  
  
“Logan,” Keith handed him the folder. “Bite the bullet, pay for pest control, stop throwing a tantrum. Shred that letter.”  
  
“I’m going to burn it. And the ants.”  
  
Keith picked up his camera again, glancing at Ashley. “You know you have to call Connie before you use any flammable objects.”  
  
Logan rolled his eyes. “Oh, that’s just a precautionary rule!”  
  
Being the odd man out was never fun and it was even less fun witnessing the quipping currently going on between Logan and Keith, with Ashley the Super Receptionist smiling like an idiot. Veronica had seen enough, and it was time for her to get the hell out of there.  
  
“I’m going out,” Veronica announced loudly, jumping to her feet. She waited although she wasn’t sure for what, and she wasn’t really surprised when no one responded to her. All three stared at her blankly and she wanted to run from the room screaming. “I want to go to the bookstore...” she trailed off, glancing at Logan helplessly.  
  
He gave her a quick smile. “Replaced by a Barnes and Noble. There’s also a Borders near Hearst.”  
  
She grinned weakly, picking up her bag from the couch. “Okay, then. See you guys later.”  
  
“You’ll be back for dinner?” Keith called after her as she walked to the door.  
  
Veronica forced a smile on her face, inhaling sharply through her nose and forcing the smartass remark back down her throat as she turned to face the group. “I will.”  
  
Logan stepped forward, adjusting his bag over his shoulder. “Want me to drop you off? It’s on my way.”  
  
She shook her head swiftly, her eyes lowering to the floor. There was no way she was going to allow Logan to drive her anywhere, not after the way she made an ass of herself at that restaurant. Distance was a good thing at the moment, at least until she got back on her feet and he wasn’t standing there waving the upper hand right in her face. “No. Thank you. I don’t mind the drive. Alone.”  
  
The look exchanged between Keith and Logan wasn’t lost on Veronica and she bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep from talking. She watched as Logan turned to face her again, an obviously forced smile on his face and she wanted to hit him, then.  
  
“Okay,” Logan sighed, giving her a nod. “You have my number if you need anything.”  
  
“I won’t,” Veronica said lightly, opening the door. “Just going to the bookstore.”  
  
“The new V.C. Andrews is worth a read...”  
  
She hesitated, giving him a look. Now he was fucking with her. There was no way he wasn’t, he knew she hated those books with a passion and always had. He was really fucking with her and she couldn’t blame it on paranoia or insanity or self-pity. Logan Echolls was definitely fucking with her and right in front of her father because he knew that was an obscure dig and she couldn’t say a thing without seeming crazy. “I _hate_ V.C. Andrews.”  
  
His smile was genuine now. “I know.”  
  
Veronica scowled, flipping her hair over her shoulder before stomping out into the hallway and she could’ve sworn she heard him laugh.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Finding Meaning In Your Crisis. A Guide To Loving Yourself. Ten Days to Self-Improvement. What’s Right With Me: 30 Ways to Celebrate Your Inner Strengths. When Perfect People Fail: Rebuilding Your Life Toward Success. You’re Fired, Now What?  
  
This was definitely rock bottom. Veronica Mars was cruising the self-help section.  
  
She had gotten there completely by accident. All the true crime books were ones she had already read (with the exception of all the Lilly Kane “tell-alls”), she wasn’t touching the latest Stephen King, and the CSI tie-in books just made her eye twitch. After wandering aimlessly for nearly forty minutes, she had ended up in the self-help section with a short man with steel-rimmed glasses. He was currently looking at a book for overcoming nicotine addiction.  
  
Her eyes ran over the same row of titles, a frown on her lips. Somehow, she didn’t think she was going to find _Everyone Hates You, Now What?_ in this section.  
  
In spite of everything that had happened, she knew she didn’t need any books to help her with her problems. Therapy hadn’t helped all those years ago, these books wouldn’t, either. No book could help her if she walked into the police station begging for a job before trying to explain her layoff from the FBI. Unfairly, the FBI hadn’t prepared her for that.  
  
With a sigh, Veronica reached up, pulling a book from the top shelf and gazing at its cover. _New Life, New Me_. She turned the book around, reading the back cover and her eyebrows rose. This book actually looked promising. It was all about rebuilding self-esteem and confidence and surely, it wouldn’t be a waste of twenty bucks...  
  
“RONNIE!”  
  
Veronica jumped, nearly throwing the book back on the shelf and spinning around toward the awfully familiar voice. “Dammit,” she hissed through gritted teeth before fixing what she hoped was a pleasant smile on her face. “Hello...”  
  
Dick Casablancas lifted his hands in the air, giving Veronica a big grin as he walked down the aisle toward her. “Ronnie Mars! Welcome home, ya frickin’ hottie!”  
  
Her eyes widened as he abruptly scooped her up in a tight hug. “Dick...” His hands moved down her lower back and she scowled. “That’s enough, Dick.”  
  
He released her, looking her up and down as he ran his hands down her arms. “I can’t believe it took me almost three weeks to find you,” he said loudly, ignoring the shushes he got. “Logan said he ran into you and might I say, you’re looking tasty-”  
  
“That’s _enough_ ,” she said, her voice rising as she pushed his hands away. She silently reminded herself to be on her best behavior and as happy as she could be because anything that happened would definitely be relayed back to Logan for their two-man gossip party. “How are you?”  
  
“Living large, Ronnie!” Dick glanced over his shoulder. “Waiting for the missus to finish up...” he leaned in, waiting for Veronica to do the same before continuing. “Getting some karma sutra books for those slow nights,” he whispered loudly, giving her a wink.  
  
Veronica’s smile faltered, and she forced the disgust back down her throat, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. “You’re married!”  
  
He snorted. “ _No_! Rita’s my lady- total hottie.”  
  
“Is she blind?”  
  
“No, but she’s got a nice rack-” Dick frowned, glancing around. “RITA!”  
  
Veronica closed her eyes shortly as several people turned to stare. Logan might have changed, but not much if he was still friends with Dick. Obnoxious Dick. Idiotic Dick. Inappropriate Dick. At least that hadn’t changed. “Dick,” she hissed, running her hands through her hair. “ _Shut up_.”  
  
Dick glanced at Veronica, grabbing her hand and leading her down the aisle. “No, you gotta meet Rita- you’ll love her,” he grinned down at her. “It’s awesome that you’re home. Logan must’ve loved seeing you, right?”  
  
Veronica sighed loudly. “Yeah, he also _loved_ the whole me getting kicked out of the FBI story. Thanks!” she said, delivering a hard punch to his arm.  
  
Dick’s mouth widened in pain and he quickly let go of her arm, taking a step away from her. “Calm down, Buffy! It wasn’t a secret.”  
  
She halted, crossing her arms over her chest and staying put so Dick was forced to stop in his tracks. “Who told you?”  
  
“Maddy.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes narrowed. “How did she find out?”  
  
He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “From Casey. He lives in D.C. with his wifey, saw you being escorted out with your shit by some security guard.” He grinned. “He put two and two together and called to see if I heard anything from Logan...like you kept in touch with him or something.”  
  
She sighed, ignoring his last dig and pretending to be disappointed. “And he couldn’t even say hi...”  
  
“He figured it was the wrong time. Casey was always the sensitive one, when Logan wasn’t beating people up. And Duncan wasn’t fleeing the country.”  
  
“Did Madison tell anyone else?”  
  
Dick shrugged again. “Probably. You know Maddy, always getting joy out of someone else’s problems.”  
  
Veronica forced a bright smile on her face. “What’s _Maddy_ doing with herself?”  
  
“Married some Hollywood agent, she lives in Studio City now. Two kids.”  
  
She blinked, surprised. “Madison has two kids?”  
  
“Adopted,” Dick gave her a look. “You really think Maddy’s going to give up her figure for a bunch of kids? She doesn’t even like her husband that much.”  
  
“Oh,” Veronica grinned happily. “I am _so_ glad to hear that.”  
  
Dick’s eyes lit up as he looked at someone past Veronica and she turned, coming face to face with a tall, slim woman with a blonde bob. She was in long white skirt and a lime green tube top and this definitely wasn’t the type of girl she expected Dick to be seeing. She didn’t even look skanky. Already, this might have surpassed Logan’s 180 to be the most surprising news upon her return.  
  
“Rita!” Dick exclaimed, resting his hands on Veronica’s shoulders. “This is Veronica Mars. You know, Logan’s ex.”  
  
“Hi,” Rita glanced at Dick, confusion in her eyes. “Which one?”  
  
Veronica’s jaw clenched and she inhaled sharply, refusing to respond.  
  
Dick laughed, nudging Rita’s shoulder with his knuckles. “Veronica! You know...”  
  
Rita shook her head, her brow furrowing, and Dick nodded. She kept shaking her head and he kept nodding and Veronica nearly rolled her eyes at the silent conversation that was going on right in front of her.  
  
Suddenly Rita’s green eyes widened as she smiled, and Veronica grinned back, relieved. “OH! Veronica!” she glanced at Veronica, her smile fading. “Oh.”  
  
Veronica’s smile disappeared abruptly. “ _Oh_? What do you mean, _oh_?”  
  
Rita opened her mouth and was steered away by Dick. “Go pay for your books, babe,” he said quietly, smacking her ass as she walked away. “Don’t worry about it,” he told Veronica, winking at her. “She read Keith’s book. And this one,” he reached over to the bargain books table, picking up a paperback with Lilly’s face on the cover. He pointed to another book. “And that one.”  
  
“Ah...”  
  
“And she reads Logan’s column.”  
  
Veronica’s face fell, and she could feel the panic bubbling in her. “What does Logan say about me in his column?” she asked, her voice rising to that irritatingly anxious level.  
  
“You haven’t read it yet?”  
  
She blinked rapidly, looking to recover. “I have no interest,” she said before she could stop herself. “I mean, I haven’t had the chance...”  
  
Dick nodded, dropping the book back on the table. “It’s cool. I don’t read his stupid column either unless he talks about me,” he grinned. “So, what do you think of Rita? She’s hot, right?”  
  
“She’s definitely pretty,” Veronica offered weakly. “What does she do?”  
  
“She’s a teacher.”  
  
She blinked, unsure if she had heard him correctly, and the image of Rita’s tongue ring now struck her as inappropriate, especially for a teacher. She sincerely hoped Rita was teaching some college course and not impressionable young children. “Really.”  
  
“Hell yeah- third grade and she did seventh grade English last summer. You should see her in her school clothes- skirts and heels and-”  
  
“That’s enough, Dick.”  
  
Rita reappeared, giving the two a grin as she swung her plastic bag merrily. “All ready to go!”  
  
Dick smiled at her, and Veronica was taken by the faint glimpse of admiration in his gaze. “Good job, baby,” he faced Veronica again. “Gotta cut this reunion short. We’re going shopping for school supplies,” he explained, rolling his eyes.  
  
Rita smiled sweetly. “Something for him, something for me,” she grabbed Veronica’s arm, unaware of the way Veronica tensed at the contact. “Hey, we’re going to the beach tonight- a big group of us, you wanna go? We can get better acquainted!”  
  
Veronica gave the woman a weak grin, trying to pull her arm away. “Oh, I don’t want to intrude...”  
  
“What?” Rita snorted, rolling her eyes. “Please! It’s a party! Everyone’s invited. You better show up, you’re like an urban legend around these parts. I’ve heard so much about you.”  
  
“Good or bad?”  
  
Rita laughed loudly, turning and walking toward the front entrance and Veronica couldn’t help but cringe. It was the same flippant laugh Ashley: Super Receptionist gave during their first meeting. She inhaled deeply, facing Dick. “Well.”  
  
“We’re meeting up at ten,” Dick gave her a look. “So, yeah, you better show. If Rita wants you there, you gotta be there. What Rita wants, Rita gets,” he paused. “And don’t look all Veronica Plain and Short, ‘kay?”  
  
“Do you really think I’m plain?” Veronica frowned playfully. “I always thought I was cute. And charming.”  
  
“Whatever, you should come,” he grinned, nudging her. “It might be fun, Ronnie- we can see you in your skimpy bikini...a thong, maybe?”  
  
Her mouth set in a thin line at his comment and she chose to ignore it rather than egg him on. “I’ll think about it.” She frowned when Dick continued to stand there, staring at her expectantly. “What?”  
  
“Go ahead, ask me. You know you wanna.”  
  
“Ask you _what_?”  
  
Dick shifted impatiently. “ _Is Logan coming_?”  
  
Veronica snorted, a sharp, harsh laugh escaping her. He was still an idiot, after all those years. She had to revel in the familiarity of it. “Honestly, I don’t care if Logan’s going or not. He’s probably off with one of his skanks-”  
  
“Yeah, Logan really isn’t into the parties anymore. He’s all grown up and boring. I invited him anyway, our crew’s got money on whether he’s going to show or not. You want in?” Dick smiled wickedly. “Or do you wanna bet on how many drinks it’ll take for you to take your top off?”  
  
Veronica stared at Dick blankly as he continued to grin like an idiot. Finally, she nodded, turning on her heels and walking down the aisle. She ignored the self help books as she went, knowing full well if she stopped for a moment, she was going to take one of those books and hit Dick with it.  
  
* * * * *  
  
“Where is she buried?”  
  
Keith’s fingers halted over his laptop keyboard as he glanced to his right, his eyes resting on Veronica. Veronica, who sat stiffly with her hands on the counter, her eyes intently on her half-full glass of soda. Her jaw clenched, her mouth setting into a firm, thin line and he just didn’t know how to react to her question.  
  
It was definitely a random question- they had both sat in silence for nearly an hour in the kitchen, she eating her dinner and he finishing a background check. Even with Harmony nowhere in sight Veronica wasn’t talkative and he made no attempts to engage her in conversation. She had come from the bookstore in bigger funk than she had previously been in and he had braced himself for some smartass remarks, maybe even a fit or a tantrum, but definitely not that question.  
  
That phone call three years ago still didn’t seem real. He had the unfortunate task of informing Veronica that her mother had been found dead in a hotel room just a couple of miles south of Vernal, Utah. There hadn’t been any foul play of any sort- Lianne had died of natural causes. All the drinking had caught up with her and her heart just failed.  
  
Keith and Jake Kane had been the only numbers in the cell phone found in her hotel room, so Keith wasn’t surprised when he was called to identify the body. He had waited a couple of days between going to Utah and bringing Lianne home- in retrospect, he was probably just trying to buy some time before making the phone call to Veronica.  
  
He didn’t know what he had expected when he called Veronica. Certainly not tears, but he had at least hoped she would say she was returning home for the burial. Instead she had merely said “okay” and hung up. For almost a week she didn’t answer his calls and when she finally did, she hurriedly told him that she was on her way to New Mexico on a case.  
  
It was then, four years after she had left, that Keith had finally accepted that Veronica was long gone. Yet, here she sat, tense and wondering about her mother who had been buried years ago. She didn’t look at him, just continued to sit there like a statue, her face blank but her posture rigid.  
  
“At the cemetery. I didn’t want to cremate her...she never told me what she wanted.”  
  
Veronica was silent, blinking rapidly. “Are her things still in storage?” she asked, her voice even as she clenched and unclenched her fists.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
She nodded. “I want her cabinet. The oak one that was in our old house.”  
  
Keith stared at Veronica for long moment, waiting for her to clarify. Of course she didn’t, and he sighed. “Did you get her jewelry I mailed to you? You never told me-”  
  
“I got it,” Veronica mumbled, finally shifting in her seat as she leaned back and pushed her hair behind her ears. “Can I have her cabinet?”  
  
“You can have whatever you want.”  
  
Veronica nodded, seemingly pleased with his answer.  
  
Keith frowned faintly. “Why the sudden question?”  
  
She shook her head, pushing her hair behind her ears. “I’m going to hang out with Dick and his girlfriend tonight,” she said quietly. “I’m gonna be normal like you said.” She ignored his gaze as she stood, walking to her bedroom. After a moment, the door shut behind her and Keith was once again alone.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Veronica feigned amusement at Rita’s overwrought, ten-minutes-too-long story on how she met Dick two years ago at some charity event. The yells and splashes of Dick and his rowdy friends sounded distant, but she could make out Dick’s surfboard behind Rita’s wet hair. The moonlight made Rita look beautiful and Veronica was certain Rita looked better than she did at the moment. Hell, Veronica was certain she looked like a wet cat after one swim, she certainly didn’t look as hot as Rita did.  
  
Ridiculously long story short, Rita and Dick had met through Logan, who had an allegedly innocent working relationship with Rita’s sister, Stacey. Logan was the reason Rita had found her soul mate in Dick.  
  
Logan the Great struck again and Veronica had to admit she shouldn’t have been so surprised. Instead of voicing these admittedly bitter concerns, she chose to drink more vodka.  
  
“So, Logan’s cool, you know? And I’m thinking, oh, Stacey’s hooking me up with this guy and he’s totally cute so I’m game, you know?”  
  
Veronica had already figured out three things about Rita in the two hours they had spent talking and drinking while Dick swam and surfed with his buddies: 1. Rita liked to talk, 2. Rita said “you know” a lot when drunk, and 3. Rita didn’t seem to mind or care that Dick was Dick, and in fact found it to be quite endearing.  
  
“Logan spent the entire evening talking to me. I mean, he quizzed me on everything like an interrogation, you know?” Rita paused, adjusting the strap of her pink bikini top. “I’m thinking he’s totally interested in me and he’s a writer and this is awesome, you know?”  
  
“Oh, _I know_ ,” Veronica said sardonically, taking a long drink out of her plastic cup and using the opportunity to discreetly glance at her watch. 12:27am.  
  
Another thing she realized was that even though it had been seven years since she had interacted with Neptune’s residents, the 09ers were still alive and well. Yes, the original 09ers were long gone, but there were replacements and it was like that group never left. All they were missing was Logan as their king.  
  
“It gets to the point that I start to fuckin’ like him, you know? He’s witty and self-deprecating and he looks really good in a suit- turns out, he’s pretty much interviewing me for his buddy! I was so pissed, you know?”  
  
Veronica forced a smile on her face, nodding quickly. “I know.”  
  
Rita sighed, glancing at her half-empty plastic cup. “But then I met Dick, and-”  
  
“You threw up?” Veronica offered cheerfully.  
  
“No,” Rita frowned, downing the rest of her drink. “No...I liked him. More than I thought I would, you know? He acted all pervy and like a jerk at first and that kind of infuriated me, but I realized that it was an act, you know?”  
  
“Oh, that’s not an act,” Veronica muttered.  
  
“-He was merely acting out because of how he was raised by his father...he told me all about Cassidy and the horrible abuse-”  
  
Veronica’s smirk faded away at the mention of Cassidy Casablancas and she felt her stomach turn. Her lips pressed tightly together as she struggled to keep her liquor down. As Rita continued to talk and nearly propel Cassidy to sainthood, Veronica felt the sand begin to tilt and she closed her eyes, trying to drown out Rita with a rousing rendition of some Madonna song she had forgotten the name to that was playing on the stereo at that moment.  
  
“Rita, baby!”  
  
Veronica’s eyes shot open and she inhaled sharply, breathing in the ocean air as Dick came running over. He scooped Rita out of her seat, hugging her from behind as she squealed. Veronica blinked in shock at the sight of Dick being affectionate toward anyone as he was never even that tender with Madison, not that Madison Sinclair ever deserved that kind of treatment, but that was beside the point.  
  
Veronica felt her chest tighten as Dick kissed Rita’s neck and their eyes locked for a moment. Suddenly, Veronica felt like she was intruding on a personal moment between the two that she didn’t think Dick was capable of. Then, the moment was over as Dick spun Rita in his arms as she screamed happily.  
  
It was in that moment that Veronica tried to recall the last time she had someone grab her like that, made her that happy doing so little, and she couldn’t come up with a single occurrence, at least not in the last five years or so. Piz had attempted to be carefree once, she had pushed him away and gotten back to her schoolwork. After that, she had told him to start a band and he did. The rest was ancient history.  
  
With a weary sigh, Veronica downed the rest of her drink, holding up the empty glass.  
  
Dick let out a whoop, opening the cooler Rita had been sitting on and pulling out two beers. “Another drink for the lady?”  
  
“Hit me,” Veronica said glumly, nodding as he opened the bottle and poured its contents into her cup.  
  
Rita shook her head, tossing her cup on the sand and leaning over the cooler. “No more drinking- let’s go swimming!”  
  
Veronica laughed, shaking her head. “I think I’m too wasted to go swimming...”  
  
“Whatever- let’s go!” Rita grabbed Veronica’s arm, jerking her out of her seat.  
  
“If I drown,” Veronica handed her cup to Dick, following Rita to the water. “If I drown, someone needs to tell my dad I died saving a puppy. Or a small child.” Veronica grinned as Rita laughed loudly at her weak joke and she was grateful for Rita’s friendliness. She was happy to have fun, even if it was with this girl she had just met hours before.  
  
Veronica laughed when Rita stumbled and hugged her tightly for support, allowing herself to hold Rita up. This was wasn’t bad at all, it was like hanging out with Lilly all over again. She glanced over her shoulder, expecting Dick to be right behind them but was startled by the bright headlights of an SUV parking next to the other cars along the boardwalk. Her smile faded as she could only guess who was the new arrival.  
  
Logan glanced out the window as he pulled up beside the other SUVs and sports cars of the crowd that had been Dick’s for the last couple of years. He let out a heavy sigh, glancing at Carmen. “It’s almost one in the morning,” he told her matter-of-factly.  
  
Carmen nodded, adjusting her tank top. “Fact.”  
  
“We could be at my place, having some fun.”  
  
“Also fact.”  
  
“So why are we still sitting here when we could be ditching this disaster?”  
  
Carmen grinned, giving Logan a look. “Because Dick invited both of us, that’s why. You haven’t gone to one of these things for a while.”  
  
Logan rolled his eyes, throwing his arms over the back of his seat. “It’s not my thing anymore. It’s the same old, same old and I’m just tired.”  
  
She frowned playfully. “So...you’re tired of me?”  
  
“Absolutely not,” he said, smiling slightly. “On the plus side, Dick’s probably betting big money that I’m not going to show, so it’ll be awesome seeing him hand back all that money to his friends.” He paused, tapping his knees absently. “Okay. Let’s go.”  
  
The sound of two doors slamming caught Veronica’s attention, and she started to turn toward the boardwalk. She was suddenly distracted by Rita, her eyes widening as Rita cupped her face. A laugh escaped her when Rita kissed her cheek firmly, and they both stumbled as the waves crashed into them. Two hours and many drinks after Rita’s epic storytelling and Veronica was feeling perfectly fine. Great, even.  
  
“Oh!” Rita lifted her hand, waving wildly near the rows of cars. “Hey, look!”  
  
Veronica leaned against Rita, glancing over her shoulder in the direction Rita was gesturing at. She squinted, trying to make out the shadowy figures getting closer. She nearly groaned at the sight of Logan walking alongside Carmen, her arm wrapped around his like they were a couple. Of course it was Logan. “Here comes Perfect Logan!” she said loudly.  
  
Rita laughed, grabbing Veronica’s arm and pulling her toward the sand. “Let’s have another drink!”  
  
Dick groaned at the sight of Logan and Carmen, reaching into his pocket. “God _dammit_ , Logan,” he said bitterly, pulling out a wad of bills. “He always fucking does that to me- every single time...”  
  
Logan laughed at the sight of the group across the sand. “Look!” he intoned while nodding at Dick, who was busy handing back money to his buddies. “I fucking told you...” he told Carmen, trailing off as he watched Veronica stumble about on the sand with an equally unsteady Rita. He absently reached out, grabbing at Carmen’s shirt and pulling her back. “What is wrong with her?”  
  
Carmen glanced over at the group, squinting. “Veronica? Is she drunk?”  
  
“Veronica doesn’t get drunk.”  
  
Carmen’s eyebrows rose as Veronica cackled loudly as Rita fell to the sand. “She’s kind of drunk, Logan.”  
  
“She can’t go home like that,” Logan said, cringing as Veronica took a tumble. He knew what he had to do before he said it out loud and he cursed his conscience, then. “Keith is going to flip.” He glanced at Carmen, catching her eye. “Sorry,” he muttered.  
  
Carmen shook her head, brushing his apology off. “Don’t- just take her home before she hurts herself. We can hang some other time.”  
  
Dick smirked when Logan approached. “Nice of you to show late...lost my winnings. Again. You hate me, don’t you?”  
  
“No, I love you,” Logan mumbled, unzipping his khaki hoodie. “How much did she have to drink?” he asked, gesturing toward Veronica, who was loudly singing along with Rita to the song playing on the radio.  
  
Dick shrugged. “Four? Maybe five. But that was before I stopped counting- the girl can drink, dude.”  
  
Logan rolled his eyes as he pulled off his hoodie, reaching over and grabbing Veronica’s arm as she danced by. “We’re leaving,” he told her firmly, wrapping his hoodie around her soaked body. He caught the bag- Veronica’s bag, he assumed- that Dick tossed at him and he handed it to Carmen.  
  
“We?” Veronica laughed, hanging on to his arm. “We? We’re exclusive, now? Me and Logan the Great, I should be flattered-”  
  
He ignored her, his fingers wrapping around her wrist. “We as in you, me, and Carmen, Veronica.”  
  
“Oooh, threesome!” Rita squealed, laughing as Dick picked her up and carried her to the water. “Bye, Veronica!”  
  
Veronica blinked slowly, laughing as Logan led her to his truck, Carmen’s arm wrapped around her waist. “Where are we going?”  
  
“We’re having a sleepover,” Logan said dryly, pressing his car remote and unlocking the car doors. “You’re ridiculously drunk and you really don’t want Keith seeing you like that. Get in the car.”  
  
Veronica dug her heels into the boardwalk, yanking her hand out of Carmen’s hold. “I’m not going anywhere-”  
  
Logan’s patience seemed to evaporate dramatically and his hand slammed down on the hood of his truck. “Get in the car!” he barked.  
  
Carmen rolled her eyes, opening the backseat of Logan’s truck. “Logan, chill.”  
  
“I’ll chill when she gets in the damn car,” Logan snapped, grabbing Veronica’s hand and pulling her toward his car. “Veronica, get in.”  
  
Veronica was stunned by Logan’s abrupt outburst, clumsily climbing into the backseat. She sighed as Logan leaned inside, buckling her in. “Logan, Logan, Logan...aren’t you the bestest little thing ever,” she mumbled, her eyes darting down as his elbow brushed over her bare knee. She was confused by the care he put into buckling her in safely and she frowned when he leaned forward, adjusting the shoulder strap. “What are you doing?”  
  
“Stay put,” he said, climbing out of the car and slamming the door behind him.  
  
Veronica swayed as Logan walked over to Carmen, talking to her. Veronica could already guess what he was telling her. Carmen was going to drive Veronica’s car and follow them. He looked annoyed, and Veronica had to roll her eyes. He was definitely playing the martyr card to a tee.  
  
She laughed as Logan climbed into the driver’s seat, starting the car. He sat there for a moment, clutching the wheel and she sighed, glancing at the ceiling of his car. “Logan...”  
  
“Don’t,” he said sharply.  
  
Veronica’s mouth clamped shut as Logan pulled out onto the road and drove toward the city. She could see how taut his grip was on the steering wheel, he was upset. Of course he was.  
  
“You hooked Dick and his girlfriend up,” she slurred, laughing weakly before she could finish the sentence.  
  
“Just wanted to get Dick laid,” Logan muttered, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out his cell phone, quickly dialing.  
  
The car shifted and she squeezed her eyes shut, her fingers clutching at the sleeves of Logan’s hoodie as a wave of dizziness swept over her. “And they lived happily ever after thanks to you, the relationship maestro...”  
  
“Keith!”  
  
Veronica’s eyes shot open, and she struggled to focus on the conversation Logan was having with her father. She started to laugh at her predicament, unable to stop, and her laughter continued when Logan glanced at her, a flash of annoyance in his eyes.  
  
“Yeah, she partied a bit too hard and asked if she could crash at my place...no, she didn’t want to drive, she drank enough to- what?” Logan let out a strained chuckle. “Maybe four drinks? She’s a lightweight...mixed drinks, Keith. Nothing solid, no drugs.”  
  
Veronica opened her eyes, blinking slowly as she gazed out the window. The scenery flew past her, all blotched lights and blurry shadows. A wave of nausea overwhelmed her and she shut her eyes once more.  
  
“Keith, dude, she’s _fine_ , I promise. Mostly embarrassed...” Logan trailed off, listening to Keith. He sighed, shrugging as though Keith were in the car with him. “You know Veronica, safety first. Don’t worry about it- she’ll sleep on the couch and I’ll send her home before I go to the gym.”  
  
“Still obsessed with working out, huh?” Veronica mumbled. “Must’ve been your minor. Writing and lifting weights- they go hand in hand.”  
  
His jaw clenched. “Yep. No problem. You too. Night.”  
  
Logan tossed his phone on the passenger seat as he pulled to a stop at a red light, using the opportunity to turn and glare at her. “All you can do is sit there and laugh, huh? Laugh and throw insults...just like old times. Right, Veronica?”  
  
He faced the road again as the light turned green, and his foot slammed down on the gas, sending the car speeding down the street. “You- you know, my life was fine and dandy before you came back,” he laughed slightly. “It was perfect, just perfect. Now, you’re here and just like that-” he snapped his fingers for emphasis, “My drama-free life now has- wait for it- drama! How about that? I mean, how old are you, huh? Aren’t you too old to be getting drunk off your ass? I’m not here to be your damn chaperone.”  
  
Veronica smiled lazily, unable to stop the laugh from escaping. “You sound so pissed...it’s so cute.”  
  
Logan glanced at her, not bothering to hide his disgust. “You’re not even going to remember any of this tomorrow, are you?”  
  
Veronica didn’t respond, and it was then Logan realized that she was fast asleep. He shook his head, sighing as he pulled into his driveway. “Fucking unreal...”  
  
Carmen climbed out of Veronica’s car a moment later, smiling at Logan as he slowly backed out of the backseat, Veronica in his arms. “This was fun!” she said cheerfully, shoving Veronica’s car keys into his pocket.  
  
“Yeah,” he wiggled the hand underneath Veronica’s back at her, keys hanging off the tips of his fingers. “Get my door, will ya?”  
  
Carmen opened up the front door to Logan’s apartment, stepping to the side as Logan carried Veronica in. She watched as he gingerly lowered Veronica to the couch before adjusting the pillow beneath her head. “Okay! I’m off.”  
  
Logan’s head whipped in her direction, his eyes widening in panic. “What- where the hell are you going?”  
  
“I’m going home.”  
  
“No. No- you can’t leave me with her.”  
  
Carmen laughed. “It’s Veronica!”  
  
He smiled weakly, glancing down at Veronica. “What if she throws up? I’m not prepared for this.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes slowly opened, and she was able to make out Logan’s legs as he walked away from her. She could hear Carmen talking somewhere above her, maybe a couple of feet away. Another wave of nausea struck Veronica and she wanted nothing more than to crawl into a ball and sleep.  
  
“Logan, I think you have more than enough experience in the vomit category,” Carmen laughed.  
  
“I lost the bucket.”  
  
“Well, you could always use one of those wok bowls you never cook with...”  
  
“Nice. And _ew_.”  
  
Veronica swallowed hard as Carmen laughed and then there was silence. A moment later there was a certain smacking noise that Veronica was able to associate clearly- a make out session was going on just a couple of feet away from her. She inhaled sharply, a loud groan escaping her, loud enough to make it clear that she was conscious and not having any of this.  
  
Several feet away, Logan sighed. “See you around,” he muttered.  
  
“Sleep well,” Carmen walked to the door, opening it. “Feel better, Veronica!” she called.  
  
Veronica didn’t reply, closing her eyes tightly.  
  
The door shut and was promptly locked, if the added click told her anything. She could hear Logan moving around somewhere in front of her and he suddenly grabbed her hand, moving it off the couch. Her eyes opened and she came face to face with an orange plastic bucket used for sand castles, her fingers grazing the edges.  
  
“I’m leaving this here,” he told her matter-of-factly, setting the pail down on the floor. “And now I’m going to bed. Don’t touch anything.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes fluttered shut, and Logan stifled the frustrated sigh threatening to break through. He straightened up, his hands on his hips as he looked down at her. “You’re really not going to remember this tomorrow, are you?” She didn’t respond, and he nodded, turning and walking to his bedroom. “Fucking unreal...”  
  
 ** _Seven Years Ago_**  
  
Piz watched as Veronica paced the almost empty apartment, waiting until she walked past him once more before rising from his seat on his suitcase. She had been pacing and staring at her cell phone for the last ten minutes, chewing on her bottom lip and he was certain that she had bitten through skin at this point. “Veronica,” he said, a hand rising to his hair as he swiped it off his forehead.  
  
“Hold on,” she muttered, not bothering to continue the conversation.  
  
“Just call your dad.”  
  
She shook her head swiftly. “Maybe he’ll call first.”  
  
With a sigh, Piz fell into step behind Veronica, lunging forward and wrapping his arms around her waist and forcing her to stop. “We can go back anytime you want,” he whispered against her neck.  
  
Veronica coaxed a tight smile on her face, turning toward him. “I don’t want to go back,” she said, ignoring the shake in her voice. “I kind of like it here. With you. Alone.”  
  
Piz grinned happily, and she was grateful that she wasn’t forced to elaborate. Her fingers ran over the back of his neck, her nails scraping over the small hairs there.  
  
“I love you,” he said quietly, kissing the top of her head. He coaxed her to the carpet, stretching his legs out in front of him. “We should’ve gone furniture shopping before we moved.”  
  
Veronica sighed, her lips pressing together as she played with her phone, switching the ring tone from loud to vibrate before dropping it to the carpet. “Yeah, well, we live in a studio- we’re not going to need that much.”  
  
He grinned, glancing at her. “Not until you’re Veronica Mars, secret agent man.”  
  
She returned the smile, batting her eyelashes at him. “Aw, you’re going to live off my riches? That’s so cute!”  
  
Piz nodded, the grin fading from his face as he turned serious at the sight of Veronica’s gaze dropping to her lap. “Seriously, Veronica, we can go back whenever you want.”  
  
Veronica shook her head, forcing a smile as she turned, facing him completely. “I’m _fine_ , Piznarski,” she said lightly, smirking as she straddled his lap. She wasn’t going to worry about anything anymore. Everything was going to be fine because she was going to make it so. No one was going to decide her destiny anymore.  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
Her jaw set at his tentative question. “I’m fine!” she laughed and her hands ran down his chest as she tilted forward, leaving a faint kiss on his temple. “And I’m going to be even better in a minute...” she trailed off, kissing him firmly. Several feet away, she could hear the distinctive buzz of her phone and she kissed Piz harder as she pushed him down on the carpet. She ignored the buzzing, focusing on Piz and her new life and not on the life she left behind.  
  
 ** _Now_**  
  
The first thing Veronica was able to figure out, even before she opened her eyes, was that she definitely wasn’t in her father’s apartment. She wasn’t on her father’s couch. There was no sickening vanilla smell; in fact, the place smelled like cinnamon, coffee and some sort of cleaner or detergent.  
  
Her eyes opened slowly and her gaze focused on Logan, who sat on the loveseat across from her. He was in blue and yellow board shorts and a black t-shirt. There was no gel in his hair, and the look in his eyes was indescribable.  
  
A feeling of dread filled her then as she glanced down at her body, covered with an oversized sweater that must’ve been Logan’s. She swallowed hard as she struggled to recall the previous night. She had gone drinking with Dick and his girlfriend, his girlfriend was telling a story and then after that...nothing. The last time she couldn’t remember her actions after drinking had been the worst night of her life, and this was nowhere near as horrible as that night, but the feeling was similar. Helplessness. Confusion. Fear.  
  
“Hi,” was all she could manage, sitting up slowly. She stared at him fearfully, the tension in her easing when she saw his gaze soften.  
  
“Morning.”  
  
“Oh my God, last night-” she cut herself off, a weak laugh escaping her as she rubbed at her throbbing head. “I don’t- we didn’t...we didn’t, right?”  
  
He gave a swift shake of his head. “No.”  
  
Veronica felt herself relax at the sight of his expression, annoyed and almost bored. She realized then that nothing questionable had happened between them, but the relief was soon trumped by the unspoken confirmation that while they didn’t do anything, she herself must’ve done something to land her on his couch. “How much did I- I made an ass out of myself, didn’t I?”  
  
“ _Oh, yeah_ ,” Logan jumped to his feet, scratching the back of his neck as he walked to the front door. “I covered for you, so don’t worry about it. Keith just thinks you got tipsy, so stick with the story. Your car’s outside, and I’m going to the gym, so just let yourself out when you’re ready.”  
  
Veronica licked her lips, cringing at the stale taste of liquor on her dry mouth. “Did I say anything incriminating?”  
  
He didn’t respond, shutting the door behind him.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Keith’s jaw clenched as he gripped the bottom of the oak cabinet, inching down the hallway. “To the right,” he grunted.  
  
“Dude, I’m in the freakin’ tub,” Logan said through gritted teeth, his voice strained as he tried to move out of the bathroom. “Why are we moving this thing into Veronica’s room, anyway?”  
  
“It’s hers. Her mother’s, actually. She wants it back.”  
  
Logan chuckled, adjusting his grip on the cabinet. “She was gone for seven years. To me, she loses all claim to possessions left behind,” he cringed as the cabinet pressed against his shoulder. “Dammit, Keith- pivot!”  
  
Keith sighed heavily, taking a small step backwards. “This is different. Lianne died, so she wants...” he trailed off, another sigh escaping him. “She’s having a normal reaction. It’s all normal.”  
  
“Yeah, I know it’s normal. I still have my mom’s lighter. Key word, lighter. Something I can put in my pocket. Not a fucking cabinet. You can’t fit a cabinet in your pocket.”  
  
“She has her mother’s jewelry, but she really wants the cabinet.”  
  
Logan inhaled sharply, the pads of his fingers digging into the oak as he felt a bead of sweat slip down his back. “Where the hell is she, anyway?”  
  
“She went food shopping with Harmony. I didn’t even have to ask her twice,” Keith smiled, slightly pleased. “I really think Veronica’s starting to warm up to her-”  
  
“Hopefully there won’t be any tears or bloodshed-” Logan gasped, grimacing as his shoulder hit the wall. “Keith, I can’t hold on to this thing-”  
  
“Set it down, set it down,” Keith said quickly, and they lowered the cabinet to the floor. Logan poked his head around the edge of the cabinet, raising his eyebrows playfully, and Keith rolled his eyes. “You’ve never done any moving of your own, have you?”  
  
Logan grinned cheekily. “That's what the help is for, Mr. Mars.”  
  
Keith nodded, leaning against the wall. He was quiet for a moment, rubbing at his eyes. “Veronica told me you guys were hanging out.”  
  
“Yeah, if by hanging out you mean her sitting in her car and freaking out when I happened to walk by and engage her in conversation.”  
  
“I was actually talking about the beach thing,” he frowned as he ran Logan’s words through his head. “What was she upset about?”  
  
“She didn’t know where the boutique was- no one told her it had closed down years ago,” Logan paused, a frown on his lips. “Then she accused me of stalking her, not knowing that I worked just one block down,” another pause, and the frown on his face turned into a scowl. “Then she slept on my couch.”  
  
Keith shook his head. “She's having a rough time settling in.”  
  
Logan shrugged, leaning against the cabinet. “She isn’t in Veronica Land anymore.”  
  
“I know, and I think she knows...” Keith sighed, wiping at his brow. “I’m really, really angry with her, but I still feel like I should be protecting her. She has no idea how Neptune has changed- how _we’ve_ changed-”  
  
Logan rolled his eyes. “Whatever, dude. She walked out, we didn’t. She just wants to waltz in like nothing’s changed, and she’s gonna get a rude awakening. That’s it. We can’t freakin’ baby her anymore if she just doesn’t get it.”  
  
“I _know_ that,” Keith said with a hint of annoyance, shooting Logan a hard look. “But we just have to be...nicer.”  
  
“She's a vampire, Keith,” Logan said matter-of-factly. “An emotional vampire. I couldn’t concentrate on my work today, and I wasn’t even thinking about her. She just...drains souls. Or something.”  
  
Keith smiled slightly, choosing to ignore Logan’s choice of words and deciding to focus on what he was most likely trying to say through the insults. “She has that tendency. She just sticks with you.”  
  
“I don't know if I want to kick her ass out of Neptune, or comfort her,” Logan cringed at the sight of Keith’s icy stare, waving him off. “I alternate between a strong annoyance and a sense of pity, don't worry about it.”  
  
Keith nodded, slipping away from the cabinet and into the kitchen. “She’s a good girl,” he called from the kitchen, opening up the refrigerator.  
  
Logan nodded, his lips pressing together. “She’s a very good girl,” he agreed. “With an attitude problem.”  
  
Keith reappeared by the cabinet, holding out a beer bottle over the top of the cabinet. Logan accepted it, and Keith waited until Logan had opened the bottle to talk. “If I recall, you still have quite the attitude problem yourself, young man,” he said sternly.  
  
“Yeah, well, we’re not talking about me, are we?” Logan grinned as Keith chuckled. “We spent the last seven years talking about me. Let’s change topics.”  
  
“She’s a good girl,” Keith repeated.  
  
“I know she is,” Logan said quietly. “Don’t think for a second I don’t know that, man. It’s just...she just came back like nothing happened. You know?”  
  
“She’s going to have a really tough time fitting back in,” Keith agreed quietly.  
  
“Such is life,” Logan said, taking a long swig of his beer. A small grin perked on his face. “She ditched you, and instead of giving some tough love, you’re feeling sorry for her. You’re such a dad, dude.”  
  
Keith chuckled, moving his arm around the cabinet and wiggling his bottle at Logan, who tapped the neck with his own bottle. “You’re giving me parenting advice?”  
  
Logan smirked. “Yes...yes, I am. It’s a scary and confusing time, I know.”  
  
Keith nodded, downing half of his beer. “She’s going to have some drinks with us tonight, Logan,” he muttered, staring inside his bottle. “When she comes home, I’m going to tell her we’re all going out.”  
  
Logan’s response was too quick. “Fine.”  
  
Keith gave him a warning look over the cabinet. “I want you to be nice.”  
  
“I’m always nice,” Logan laughed as Keith rolled his eyes before walking to the kitchen. “What?” he called after him. “I’m Mr. Congeniality!”  
  
 ** _Seven Years Ago_**  
  
Logan slouched down on the hard chair with the stiff, uncomfortable maroon cushion, his eyes closing. He swallowed hard, his throat hurting from the mere action, and he wiped the sweat from his face as some girl whose name he had forgotten more than four hours ago continued to service him.  
  
He didn’t know what time it was. His bender of booze, drugs, and various indecent sex acts had been nonstop and he didn’t even know what day it was. After he had nearly burned the rubber off his tires during his great escape from Neptune, after he fled to Mexico without a second thought, after he had said “fuck it” and dove back into old habits, he was certain he was losing his mind.  
  
Being threatened with death wasn’t a problem for him. His father had done more than his fair share of endangering the welfare of his child and Logan had been dealing with his father’s brand of punishment since he was old enough to walk, so that asshole’s weak ass kiss of death at Hearst had been nothing. Logan knew he should’ve punched him again for being so unoriginal.  
  
What really got him was how alone he was. Parker was long gone, Dick would be, and Veronica was no longer any sort of safe zone. As he lay in his suite amid empty beer bottles and filth that generally disgusted him, Logan had realized that he was truly, completely, and utterly alone. Even if these were his last days, he had no one to share them with, and this trip proved that.  
  
Somewhere, he knew his father was laughing at what a fuck up his son had turned out to be, just as he knew Logan would.  
  
Logan gasped as that familiar, welcomed rush swept over him, his body tensing as his fingers grasped at blonde hair that wasn’t familiar, not at all.  
  
His eyes shut tightly, trying not to remember the last mouth that had done these things to him, the last pairs of hands that had worked on him until he was helpless in their grasp. That girl was gone, happier and better off without him.  
  
God, he didn’t want to think about the way she had smiled at him in that cafeteria. The way she had looked at him. The way she had walked out on him. He didn’t even know who he was thinking about anymore.  
  
The blonde stranger gave Logan a wicked smile as she lifted her head, wiping at her mouth. “That was great. What’s your name again?”  
  
This girl had lips like Parker’s. Or maybe Lilly’s. He was definitely going insane. Maybe he would visit the roof of the hotel before the sun came up. Doing cartwheels off the edge was definitely a way to go.  
  
“Doesn’t matter,” he said breathlessly as he grinned, grabbing her by the shoulders and lifting her up on his lap. “I’m a dead man anyway.”  
  
He frowned as she turned away from his embrace, lazily reaching over to the table next to them. She helped herself to the last of the drugs he had purchased at some bar, and he rolled his eyes. “And I bet you’re expecting payment.”  
  
“Do I look like a hooker?” she asked icily and scowled when he started to smirk. “Fuck you, loser.”  
  
Logan laughed, snatching the beer off the table before she could grab at it, taking a long swig. “If you want me to fuck you, you could just beg-” His phone started to ring, and he laughed, pulling it out of his pocket and glancing at the screen. “Another telemarketer...”  
  
His smile faded at the sight of two words on his caller ID: _V Home_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "As a rule and from experience, I tend to get scared when you ask me to trust you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't bother looking up Randy Modi, he's about as real as Desmond Fellows and Connor Larkin.

**_Seven Years Ago_**  
  
Keith was waiting at the door when Logan reached the apartment complex and he knew at that moment that Logan had to regret calling him earlier to notify him of his arrival in Neptune. It was nearly three in the morning and yet Keith was still in his work clothes, watching patiently as Logan climbed out of his truck without bothering to hide his public drunkenness. He was wearing jeans that were too baggy, a blue wifebeater that was stained with some sort of liquid and a white button-down shirt over it that was wrinkled and too big on his frame. Logan had lost quite a bit of weight during his three-month vacation in hell.  
  
The indifference in Logan’s eyes momentarily stunned Keith before angering him, and he eyed Logan warily. “I thought I was going to have to get you.”  
  
Logan didn’t respond, a dark look settling in his eyes. He was definitely drunk, possibly still hopped up on something else. The circles under his eyes were nearly black and there was a bruise beginning to form right below his right cheekbone.  
  
Before Keith could voice what was really going on in his head (pathetic, disgusting, stupid, so stupid), he flung the front door open, nodding at the living room. “Get in.” Logan blinked slowly, clearly struggling to focus, and Keith resisted the urge to slam him into the wall. “Logan. Get inside.”  
  
“No.”  
  
Keith’s voice was quiet enough to get his point across. “Get in before I make you.”  
  
Logan’s options weren’t ample and he was smart enough to figure that out, drug haze and all. “What are you going to do to me?”  
  
Keith was taken aback by the sudden caution in Logan’s tone and his brow furrowed in slight confusion. “What exactly do you think I’m going to do to you?”  
  
The boy shrugged, lunging himself forward and into the apartment. Keith stood there for a moment, watching as Logan flopped on the couch and it was as if that exchange hadn’t happened at all. He waited for Logan to speak but even that was like pulling teeth as the boy just continued to sit there, stubbornly angry and not even completely sober or conscious. With a shake of his head, Keith moved into his home, shutting and locking the door behind him.  
  
“You can’t keep me here, you know,” Logan finally spoke as Keith turned the final lock into place. “That’s called kidnapping. False imprisonment.”  
  
Keith turned to face Logan, crossing his arms over his chest and forgetting for a moment that he was supposed to be severely pissed off at this kid. “What TV show taught you that?”  
  
A flash of anger was in Logan’s eyes once more and he laughed bitterly, flinging his arms over the back of the couch. “I don’t need to watch TV to know what the hell false imprisonment is,” the smile faded from his lips as he glanced at the hallway. “Did Veronica sic you on me?”  
  
“Veronica’s not here,” Keith said stiffly, refusing to look in the direction of Logan’s stare. There was no point in it, Veronica wasn’t about to magically appear in her pajamas with her brow furrowed in concern.  
  
Logan’s gaze continued to linger on the hallway as if he expected Veronica to walk through at any moment. “On a case?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Logan’s shoulders slouched slightly. “Hanging with that boyfriend of hers?”  
  
“Probably.”  
  
“At Hearst?”  
  
Keith felt his tolerance for Logan’s questions rapidly evaporate and he rolled his eyes. “Logan, she’s not here, all right?” he said sharply.  
  
A look of surprise flashed in Logan’s eyes at Keith’s outburst, yet he quickly recovered, giving Keith a sardonic grin. “Did I hit a nerve?” he chuckled when Keith didn’t respond, shaking his head. Then, with a nod, he climbed to his feet. “Okay, I’m going to-”  
  
“SIT DOWN.”  
  
Whatever was left of Logan’s patience immediately vanished. “You can’t keep me here, man! You can fucking threaten me all you want but I can walk out whenever-”  
  
“Then walk,” Keith snapped. “Go. I’m giving you a clean, safe place to sleep in for the night, but if you want to sleep in that truck of yours-”  
  
“And what do I have to give you?” Logan rubbed at his eyes, his shoulders slouching once more. “You want money?”  
  
“I don’t want your money. You’re going to go back to school.”  
  
Logan laughed, flopping back on the couch. “You have got to be shitting me-”  
  
Keith walked across the room, sitting on the armchair across from Logan. “Tomorrow, we are going back to the Grand and getting back your suite. You will go to class, you will kick this self-destructive streak, and you will graduate if I have to make you.”  
  
Logan shook his head. “You can’t tell me what to do...”  
  
Keith jabbed a finger in Logan’s direction, ignoring his last comment. “You are not to snort, inject, smoke, inhale, or eat anything illegal, you got me? The binges are over- they’re done! Do it and I will find out, and you don’t want me to find out, Logan. I don’t even want to see alcohol in your hand until you’re twenty-one, do you understand me? It’s time to grow up, Logan.”  
  
There was a moment of silence as Logan seemed to visibly debate his options as they were. He glanced at Keith, then the door, and Keith was certain he was planning his escape. Then, instead of running, he sighed loudly. “Why are you doing this?” he scowled.  
  
Keith didn’t respond to Logan’s question, climbing to his feet and walking into the kitchen. “Do you want some breakfast?”  
  
Logan slouched in his seat. “Yeah.”  
  
  
 ** _Now_**  
  
Veronica let out a laugh, pushing her hair off her face as she straightened up in her seat. The bar was busy and packed, but she paid the other patrons no mind, focusing on her story and on Harmony, but not on Keith and Logan’s rather intrusive stares. “So...so I go into the training academy for six months, and honestly? Worst six months of my life. I went in there all cocky, thinking I had to run a couple of laps every day...no. Wrong.”  
  
Keith bit back a grin, leaning back in his chair as Harmony nodded, way too into Veronica’s story. Veronica’s story had been epic indeed because she had told them more in the last couple of hours than she had in her entire seven-year absence. He glanced over at Logan, who raised his eyebrows as he sipped his beer. Logan, who had seemed more interested in his dinner than Veronica’s story until it had become readily apparent just how nervous Veronica was.  
  
Veronica felt like she had been talking for hours about the few shining moments of her career. Maybe she had been. In fact, she couldn’t recall when Keith or Logan got a word in. All she focused on was the better times of her life without the occupants of their table, trying to convince them, and herself, that she had done just fine without them. She was starting to believe it herself.  
  
“So, the sergeant was this really mean guy, he kind of looked like Alec Baldwin? But meaner?”  
  
“Are you telling _us_ or asking _us_?” Logan asked, mimicking the high tilt of her voice. He quieted down when Keith shot him a glare, focusing once again on his plate of French fries.  
  
Veronica was undeterred, continuing her story. If she stopped talking, she would get nervous, more nervous than what she already was. It wasn’t happening. She was going to be calm, cool, and collected, like she had been before her new life. “Every part of my body hurt, for weeks. I felt like scaling a fence and hitchhiking back to Neptune,” a faint smile came on her face. “Then came kick boxing. I loved kick boxing. I could just punch and kick and there was no climbing or throwing. It was cool, and it kept me in shape.”  
  
Harmony nodded eagerly. “I heard kick boxing is excellent cardio.”  
  
Veronica gave a quick nod. “Yes. My stomach was so tight by the end of it- I had abs! My body was awesome...no pain, no gain, right?”  
  
Logan glanced at Keith, who gave him a simple shrug.  
  
She paused, taking a long drink of her rum and coke. “Everyone else thought it was beneath them, because it didn’t involve weapons or explosives or whatever, but not me. I loved it. I wouldn’t let them get me down,” she let out a high, anxious laugh. “Imagine having people hate me...shocker, I know-”  
  
Logan sighed, remembering Keith’s request earlier. They had to be nice to Veronica and it was obvious as she sat there nervously rambling that mocking her wasn’t going to help. She was unstoppable in her drive to avoid any awkward silences. He shot her a quick glance as she continued to ramble and he plucked his napkin from his lap, tossing it over his plate.  
  
“There was this one girl... _totally_ gave me the evil eye every chance she got-”  
  
Finally, Logan smiled briefly, placing his hand on Veronica’s leg and giving her knee a firm squeeze. Her eyes fell on his face and he met her gaze. “I bet they loved you.”  
  
Veronica faltered, her eyes falling on her plate and a shock of surprise coursing through her at their sudden contact. Then, his hand was gone and she inhaled sharply, nodding with a grin. “They _hated_ me. But that was fine- I made it in and they didn’t. While I was on location, they did their little desk jobs and drank at the bar. _I_ went around the world and got the bad guys.”  
  
“Kicking ass, taking names,” Logan added, picking up his beer and tilting it in Keith’s direction as a short toast before taking a swig. “And scaring the crap out of everyone.”  
  
She gave him a grateful smile, more than pleased that he hadn’t made any mention of the beach fiasco in any way, it was like it had never happened. He had showed discretion and restraint and the fact surprised and comforted her more than she thought it would. “Always.”  
  
Keith glanced at his watch, his eyes widening. “Look at the time- we’re all acting like we don’t have to work tomorrow,” he climbed to his feet, helping Harmony into her coat. “I think it’s time for us all to retire.”  
  
Veronica’s jaw clenched as she looked at her own watch. She wasn't expecting this. She was hoping they could all act friendly a bit longer. She knew what would happen once they went home- Keith and Harmony would go to bed and she would be by herself, watching television on the couch or stuck in her room. “It’s only nine,” she said, feeling her smile tighten. “Let’s go to a movie or something.”  
  
Keith’s lips pressed together tightly. “Veronica.”  
  
“Come on! It’s early!”  
  
Logan watched as Veronica and her father started to quietly and calmly argue, a stab of pity hitting him as Veronica continued to talk. She was lonely, there was no way Veronica Mars would practically be begging for company unless she felt completely and utterly alone. Even then, he knew Veronica was never one to beg. She was definitely lonely, lost and possibly hungry for something normal. Reliable.  
  
Then, like clockwork, there was the anger. Of course, they all had to be reliable for _her_.  
  
He quickly lowered his gaze, trying to quiet his conflicting emotions. It definitely wasn’t the time.  
  
“Dad, come on,” Veronica pleaded urgently. “I just came home...can’t we all hang out? I don’t want to go home yet.”  
  
“Honey,” Keith said gently. “I’m _tired_.”  
  
Keith and Veronica continued to argue and Logan stole a quick glance at Keith, noticing then that Keith really did look tired. He looked exasperated and annoyed and just plain tired, and Logan realized that Keith was just unable and unwilling to deal with a stubborn, combative Veronica that night. After almost ten years apart, Keith just wasn’t prepared to go through the motions once again.  
  
“Dad-”  
  
Logan jumped to his feet abruptly, wiping the crumbs from his pants. “Go home, Keith. I’ll take her out for a couple of hours.”  
  
Keith froze, his eyebrows rising in surprise. “Really?”  
  
“ _Really_?” Veronica repeated, her eyes narrowing.  
  
Logan nodded, forcing a tight smile on his face. “I’ll give her a tour of the new Neptune so she won’t get lost ever again,” he nodded again, downing the rest of his drink before setting it down and holding out his hand to Veronica. “Let’s go, princess.”  
  
She took his hand, allowing him to pull her to her feet before releasing her. “Dad, do you want me to-”  
  
Keith held up his hand, silencing her. “Veronica, go hang out. Don’t let your old man hold you back,” his smile was weak and strained and he was sure Veronica could see right through him. “Make sure Logan doesn’t get arrested.”  
  
Veronica grinned as Logan rolled his eyes. “I’ll be the perfect parole officer.”  
  
“Okay, I’m putting an end to Logan’s Life Is A Joke,” Logan said loudly, giving Keith a nod. “And I’m taking Veronica and getting the hell out of here. Let’s go, Veronica,” he smiled at Keith and Harmony. “Have a good night.”  
  
Veronica gave her father one last look before following Logan out, grateful for the moment that he was currently her savior from another awkward night of listening to her iPod and going to sleep early. “Where are we going?” she called after him.  
  
“If I told you,” Logan responded, holding the front door open for her. “Then it wouldn’t be an interesting tour, now would it? Trust me.”  
  
“As a rule and from experience, I tend to get scared when you ask me to trust you...”  
  
“Ha, ha.”  
  


* * * * *

  
  
To Veronica’s disappointment, Logan grand tour of this new Neptune only lasted about an hour. Logan had spent most of the time quipping and pointing out places where Dick got drunk at, and if anything, Veronica was grateful that he was doing all the talking. It left very little time for her to embarrass herself or anyone else.  
  
At the moment they sat in Logan’s truck, still a black Range Rover but a brand spanking new model, a couple of feet away from the fountains in Neptune’s city park. Logan promised that the jets of water would change colors but as of ten minutes in, nothing much had happened other than a bunch of skateboarders passing through.  
  
Sitting alone with Logan wasn’t as awkward as Veronica expected. In fact, it was quite calming being with him. She liked being able to sit in silence with him- it was easier that way. Silence couldn’t lead to arguments or potential embarrassment.  
  
“So,” she started, patting her knees absently. “Do you bring all your dates here?”  
  
A small smile came upon his face and she was relieved.  
  
“Only the cute ones,” he replied, his eyes on the sprays of water shooting up into the sky. “Keep watching, it’ll happen.”  
  
Veronica couldn’t keep the grin from her face any longer. He sat anxiously, his body rigid and his eyes intently watching the water. He looked just like a little kid. “This is really exciting to you, isn’t it?”  
  
“It’s _beautiful_.”  
  
Her smile faded, a bit thrown off by the sincerity in his tone. She licked her lips, glancing down at her lap. “Did you date anyone?”  
  
“When? Now?”  
  
Her laugh came out a bit too forced and she flushed when his gaze pulled away from the fountains at the sound of it, focusing on her. “No...we haven’t talked for seven years...” she trailed off, shrugging. “At least humor me with some small talk.”  
  
He nodded, his eyes moving back to the water. “I dated a lot. Short, tall, big, small, yellow, green, purple, and-”  
  
“Anyone serious?”  
  
Logan shrugged. “There was this one girl...” he sighed heavily, chuckling. “It’s ancient history, you know. Not worth mentioning.”  
  
“Ever married?” The way his jaw clenched wasn’t lost on her, and she felt her chest tightening at the look in his eyes. There was a fresh wound in that impending answer and she was dying to know what it was, even if she were afraid of the answer.  
  
She started to panic at his long silence and she just knew if he had married and Dick had this perfect, steady partner all the while she couldn’t even have a relationship, she was going to lose it. “You were married?” her voice rose to that pitch she hated and she abruptly closed her mouth.  
  
“No.”  
  
Veronica smiled before she could stop herself, elated and relieved but quickly hiding it before Logan could catch her. “Have any kids?”  
  
He slowly smiled, glancing down at his lap. “Wondering if I fucked up some poor soul?”  
  
Her grin faded. “I guess I’m not wondering anymore...”  
  
Logan held up his hand, stopping her before she could continue. “No, no, it’s a hypothetical, since you decided to go there. Let’s say I did have a kid- would it bother you?”  
  
She was silent for a long moment, considering his question and the likelihood of it. Staring at him, she came to the conclusion that this just wasn’t likely at all, he would’ve mentioned it and he didn’t appear to be uncomfortable with the discussion currently at hand. He was just teasing her. Again. “If you’re honest, then no,” a slow smile came on her face at the sight of his genuine one, and this didn’t feel weird or awkward at all. He laughed quietly and she sighed happily as she leaned toward him. “Are you a daddy, Logan?” she teased.  
  
He opened his mouth as if to answer her then abruptly shook his head. “I’ll plead the fifth for now.”  
  
A smirk played on her lips, her eyes still on his amused expression. It was a glorious sight, not the same bland indifference that she had hated seeing in his eyes before. For a moment, it was like nothing had changed between them, it was like they could still be friends. Like they were friends. “Come on, do you have a kid?”  
  
“I said I’m pleading the fifth. Respect my rights, Agent Mars.”  
  
Veronica huffed, turning and giving him her sweetest smile. “Did you knock someone up, Logan?”  
  
Logan turned, meeting her gaze and she had to laugh at the fact that he was trying to hide his smile and failing miserably. “No. I didn’t knock anyone up, Veronica.”  
  
They sat in silence for a long moment, staring at each other and Veronica could remember the last time they had done that. Eight years ago, in his old truck, he was dropping her off after their final official date together. He had said he loved her and she had kissed him and then Madison ran into her at that boutique.  
  
She smiled sadly and Logan blinked, turning away from her. “What?”  
  
“This is awkward,” he said with a slight laugh.  
  
Her smile faded. “Why is this awkward?”  
  
He shrugged abruptly and she was thrown off by the sudden iciness radiating from him. “Just is.”  
  
Veronica sat in silence for a long moment, biting on her lower lip. She wasn’t about to let all of this ruin her night, she wasn’t about to let Logan get cold on her. This definitely wasn’t allowed. “You know what’s awkward? Waking up hung over in your ex-boyfriend’s house without a toothbrush. That’s awkward.” He didn’t budge and she shifted a bit closer to him, tilting her head and trying to get a glance at his face. “Isn’t that awkward?”  
  
A smile played on his lips, then. “Yes.”  
  
Her eyes widened as her mouth dropped and when he chuckled, she knew flirty self-deprecation was the way to go around Logan Echolls. “You’re _petty_.”  
  
Logan’s eyebrows rose in faint surprise. “Thanks, pot.”  
  
“You’re welcome, kettle,” Veronica lowered her gaze, her smile disappearing as she remembered the morning after. “Thanks for covering for me...at the beach,” she whispered. “That had the potential to be _horrifically_ awkward, as opposed to _really_ awkward.”  
  
“You’re welcome,” he whispered back, still staring at the fountain. “You looked cute in your bikini, by the way. Stupidly drunk, but cute.”  
  
Veronica grinned at his compliment, which wasn’t lost in his underhanded insult, gazing at his profile as he continued to watch that damn fountain. “Thanks.”  
  
“Yep.”  
  
“Not that I don’t love talking about me and my drunk ass, but what do you really do at your job? I wouldn’t think being a writer would have you doing a nine to five...”  
  
He shrugged. “Go to meetings, do some schmoozing with outside companies, get involved in the layout of the issues- writer-wise, we’re actually a pretty small company. The big money’s with the photographers and the photo shoots and all that important product placement stuff.”  
  
“But what do you _do_?”  
  
“I write, I give suggestions at meetings, sometimes I go on location if there’s a special issue or whatever. You never do just one job at Talk...it never gets boring, I’ll tell you that,” he grinned. “One time, we got those new scooters to try out- you know, the ones with the voice activation box- and a bunch of us just went around all twelve floors, up and down, in the elevators...it was fun. And then there’s fashion week, when we have all these models parading around- Linda Evangelista was there last year, it was pretty fucking trippy-”  
  
Veronica felt herself grow depressed as she listened to him talk about his job. He was so blasé about it all and yet, to her, it sounded like such an ideal job at the moment. He got paid to do something he didn’t mind doing and it sounded like a lot of fun was to be had at that magazine.  
  
Logan was happy, loved his job and had no interest in her. The reality of it all was depressing and yet she was happy for him. He was okay, he was alive, he was happy and he wasn’t scarily dependent on her. The attraction was something she could work on later.  
  
Logan grabbed her knee abruptly, nodding at the fountain. “Look,” a wide grin came on his face as the water sprayed upwards, changing color as the blue and purple lights hit it. “Look at it, there’s a reason couples come here-”  
  
She barely glanced at the fountain, her eyes on his face. His hand was still on her knee and there was no way she was misinterpreting this. “It’s beautiful.”  
  
“I told you. You should see it around Christmas and Valentine’s day. It’s just fantastic.”  
  
“As fantastic as that job of yours?”  
  
He smiled. “Close, but the fountains don’t have open bar Fridays after four,” a chuckle escaped him. “And that’s what I do at my job. I’ll take you inside one day, if you want to come.”  
  
Veronica leaned closer to him, her eyes on his mouth as he licked his lips. “I would love to come.”  
  
He grinned, glancing at her. “I bet you would, you’re probably bored out of your mind-” His eyes widened when Veronica’s lips got closer to his and he shifted closer to the door, running his hand through his hair. He chuckled, leaning back. “What are you doing?”  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly in confusion and a certain amount of mortification. “You touched my knee. At the bar,” she said, hating how weak she sounded, then. “And just now.”  
  
His smile was gentle, if a bit sympathetic. To Veronica’s horror, he also looked just as humiliated as she was. “Wow. I was just trying to make you relax. You were a hot mess. The nonstop...you just looked uncomfortable all night.”  
  
She cringed as she covered her face, shaking her head miserably. “Oh God, look at me. I’m so pathetic.”  
  
“You’re not,” he protested weakly. “Just a little bit drunk. Again.”  
  
“And pathetic.”  
  
He paused, a frown on his lips. “Yes,” he finally admitted. “A little bit.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
Logan was quiet for a long moment, gazing at the steering wheel as he chewed on his lower lip. Finally, he grinned weakly, glancing at Veronica. “Don’t worry about it,” he said lightly. “I should be thanking God. A beautiful woman tries to take advantage of me...it doesn’t happen often enough. At least not with the element of surprise.”  
  
She shook her head, her shoulders slouching as her hands fell to her lap. “Logan, just stop.”  
  
Logan nodded at the awkward silence that lay thick between them, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel. “Wanna see my place?” he asked suddenly. “I mean, really see my place. Without the hangover.”  
  
Veronica glanced at him, frowning. “What?”  
  
“It’s not an invitation for sex,” he said swiftly. “It’s a tour, right? How can we have a big tour of Neptune if you don’t see my place?”  
  
She nodded slowly, unwilling then to decipher his motives. There wasn’t any ulterior motive, he wasn’t bringing her to his place to give her that special of his, but she could hear the strain in his voice. He was an unwilling party here. “Okay...”  
  
Logan grinned tightly, starting the car. “Good.” The radio was turned on before either could say a word as he drove toward his condo.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Veronica’s fingertips ran over the black marble counter in Logan’s kitchen, her eyes on the black cabinets. “This place is nicer than my apartment was.”  
  
“Well, that’s stating the obvious- my place is nicer than most mansions in Neptune,” Logan muttered, throwing his jacket on the couch.  
  
“I mean, my place was nice but this is a whole other level...why didn’t I notice this when I was here before?” she smacked her forehead, grinning sheepishly. “Oh, that’s right, I was trying to get out of here as quick as possible.”  
  
He grinned, hopping on the counter next to her. “I’m glad to see you’ve gotten your sense of humor back. I was one step away from handing you a knife,” she glanced at him quizzically and he shrugged. “You know,” he gestured at his left wrist. “Up the road, not across the street?”  
  
Veronica faked a laugh, leaning against the counter. “When did you move in here?”  
  
Logan frowned slightly, thinking. “Five...six years ago?” his brow furrowed as he counted silently. “Five years, two months. Three months? No, five years, two months,” he grinned triumphantly. “Five years and two months ago.”  
  
She raised her eyebrows, finding his attention to detail more than amusing. “But what about the minutes and seconds?”  
  
“Ha,” he nodded to the large living room. “That’s my big ass couch and my big ass widescreen and my big ass paintings. I have more pieces in the hallway, my bedroom, the bathroom...”  
  
“You still like art, huh,” Veronica pushed off the counter, walking over to the living room and straight for the large painting above the white loveseat. Logan jumped off the counter, following her as she gazed at the biggest piece in his collection.  
  
Bright yellows and whites and reds and purples, it was a wild, psychedelic burst of splashes and swirls and she could vaguely make out the idea of a beautiful young woman’s face in the painting and around it, clouds and the ocean. The girl’s face was a mess of colors but her eyes were a stark violet, untouched by the other colors, it was like she were staring out at the observer. Ringlets and waves surrounded the face in the picture and that must’ve been her hair, and it took Veronica a second to realize that this painting was a portrait. It was surreal, cluttered and just downright beautiful, Veronica was amazed by what she could see in that carefully constructed mess of colors and shapes. Then she glanced down at the artist.  
  
A gasp escaped her and she spun around, facing Logan. “This is a Randy Modi painting.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Is this an original?”  
  
“Oh, yes.”  
  
Veronica laughed, slightly amazed. “Does he even sell paintings anymore? How did you manage to get one? It must’ve cost you a fortune!”  
  
Logan chuckled, giving Veronica a shrug. “Didn’t pay a dime,” he shrugged again. “It was a gift. His daughter gave it to me.”  
  
She blinked rapidly, unsure if she had heard him right. “His daughter gave it to you. She just gave it to you?” she eyed him warily. “Did you sleep with her?”  
  
“Something like that.”  
  
With a roll of her eyes, Veronica turned back to the painting, running her hand along the edge of the heavy frame. “This is the only guy I would pay for a painting of...I had some mock-ups in my old apartment. I can’t believe you got this for free.”  
  
“One of my co-workers keeps trying to buy it from me- it’s not for sale. It’s one of my most prized possessions, it was part of his soul series- it was the last one he did...” he glanced at the painting, staring at it for a long moment before looking at Veronica, who continued to gaze at the picture enviously. “You can’t have it.”  
  
Veronica turned to face him, a laugh escaping her. “I honestly...I can’t believe you know and appreciate Randy Modi’s work.”  
  
Logan’s smile faded slowly. “Why wouldn’t I know his work?”  
  
She shrugged. “His stuff is just so complex and deep and-“  
  
“And I’m strictly relegated to the shallow end of the pool,” he interjected, giving Veronica a curt nod. “Got it.”  
  
Veronica frowned, thrown off by his abrupt shift in mood. Instantly, he looked annoyed if not downright pissed off, his jaw clenching as he stared at the couch at her side. “What? I didn’t say-”  
  
“You didn’t _say_ but you implied,” Logan said, crossing his arms over his chest. “You didn’t even notice you insulted me, did you? It’s like a second language, huh.”  
  
“What- what’s with the attitude?” she laughed, shaking her head. This definitely wasn’t how the evening was supposed to go. They weren’t supposed to have a fight, they weren’t supposed to hate each other. It was only about a month since she had come home- it was way too early to be fighting with anyone, especially Logan. “Look, I don’t know what your problem is, but you’ve been treating me like crap since I got back-”  
  
He rolled his eyes, glancing at the ceiling and letting out an aggravated sigh. “Veronica, Veronica, _Veronica_ \- not everything is about _you_.”  
  
“But it is about me!” she said, ignoring the shrillness of her voice. She could feel all the pent-up negativity spilling over and there was no more making nice for anyone’s sake, Logan looked like he was well past his safe zone, her apparent insult had pushed him over and now she was forced to defend herself. Just like old times, nothing had changed. “You, dad, and everyone...everyone is angry with me and no one is telling me why! You’re pissed off and we weren’t on bad terms when I left so I don’t understand-”  
  
“This isn’t about us, Veronica!” Logan exclaimed. “This is about you coming back to Neptune all smug and shit. Do you know how much everyone’s gone through? Do you know what I’ve gone through? Do you even care?”  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
“You LEFT,” he said harshly. “You left and you didn’t say goodbye.”  
  
Veronica’s brow furrowed in confusion and she shook her head. “Why would you care if I said goodbye? Would you have picked up the phone? We were broken up!”  
  
“This isn’t about our relationship, Veronica, that was done,” Logan snapped. “I’m talking about you leaving Neptune and then coming back like nothing. SEVEN years, and you come back like nothing had happened, all arrogant and you wonder why everyone hates you.”  
  
She stood there, stunned and unsure of what to say. She was sure Logan was right, he was completely right and he was saying exactly what everyone was thinking. She could feel her face grow hot as he glared at her and she realized he had been holding that in for weeks. Hell, she was certain he wasn’t done ripping into her. “Logan, listen, I didn’t owe anyone an explanation-”  
  
“No one wanted an explanation, Veronica,” Logan muttered, bitterness coating his words. “Everyone wanted a goodbye. Do you know how many people you hurt? You can’t just come back and expect everything to be swell,” he laughed abruptly. “And you don’t even apologize!”  
  
“I didn’t OWE anyone-”  
  
“You didn’t owe anyone anything but you burned so many fucking bridges-”  
  
Veronica ran her hands through her hair, pulling at the ends as she struggled to curb her anger. She didn’t want to go through any of this, especially not with him. She didn’t need to be lectured by Logan of all people. “Logan,” she said through gritted teeth. “I know what I did was wrong and I should’ve called but I didn’t owe anyone-”  
  
“Oh, come on, Veronica!” he exclaimed. “You- you go away and no phone calls- no anything- and we’ve known each other since we were twelve. You left cookies in my bookbag on my thirteenth birthday, I was your biology partner in junior high-” he cut himself off, letting out a sharp breath.  
  
She blinked rapidly, less than willing to go through one of those fights with Logan again. Those fights that never went anywhere and just left them both angrier than before. She had been wrong about Logan, nothing had changed with him, he just managed to hide it better. “Logan-” she interjected.  
  
“You helped my mom bake Christmas cookies, I was the one who picked out your Halloween costume that one year- I gave up my best friend for you!”  
  
“LOGAN.”  
  
“We dated for two years,” he said through gritted teeth, jabbing a finger at her. “We shared food and you wore my damn clothes- we loved each other and we have a textbook of history and you owed me a fucking goodbye, Veronica.”  
  
And it was suddenly so clear. Logan wasn’t talking about everyone else being upset about her disappearance, he was talking about his own feelings. She had hurt him by not saying goodbye, and she was ashamed to admit she hadn’t given his feelings much thought when she had fled Neptune. She simply didn’t think he cared whether she left or not, especially since she had left with Piz.  
  
Veronica licked her lips, glancing at Logan and realizing that he wasn’t glaring at her anymore, that he looked just as mortified as she did and he definitely hadn’t meant to let any of that out. “Logan, I-” she stammered.  
  
“And stop treating me like I’m still a fuck up, dammit,” he interrupted, his voice shaking slightly. “You haven’t been around me for years.”  
  
“I know you’ve changed,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You changed and everyone keeps talking about how great you are- I KNOW, okay? You changed and you’re perfect and I’m miserable, is that what you want to hear?”  
  
“No, that’s not what I want to hear!” Logan snapped. “You think I wanted you to just show up, Veronica? I knew this was going to happen when I saw you at the restaurant. I knew this wasn’t going to end well, I just knew it.”  
  
“Then why did you even talk to me?” she exclaimed. “You could’ve ignored me and it would’ve been over! Why didn’t you just ignore me?”  
  
“I couldn’t!”  
  
“Why not?” she demanded. “Why not? We could’ve just ignored each other and this wouldn’t be happening-”  
  
“I couldn’t just...” Logan trailed off, a sigh escaping him. “I can’t just pretend we don’t know each other, Veronica. I don’t know...I really was happy to see you, you know.”  
  
Veronica’s shoulders slouched slightly and she wanted nothing more than to run out of there. She knew she had this kind of conversation to look forward to from everyone, including her father. Logan was right, she had burned so many bridges and everyone was angry. She had known it all along. “I...I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”  
  
He shook his head slowly. “Don’t worry about it.”  
  
“No, I really didn’t think it would bother you so much...I didn’t think you cared.”  
  
Logan laughed slightly, glancing at her in confusion and their argument momentarily forgotten. “Why did you think I wouldn’t care?”  
  
She just gave him a shake of her head, breathing in the awkwardness that had been lifted for that short time. The night was officially ruined and she just wanted to leave before they could get into another argument. “Listen, why don't you just take me home?”  
  
His gaze softened. “Veronica, I didn't mean to get-”  
  
“It’s okay. I’m get it, I screwed up,” she forced a smile on her face, heading for the front door. She hoped he couldn’t see the effort it took her to hold herself together. All she wanted to do was get the hell out of there before Logan could rip into her any further. “Take me home, please.”  
  
The drive back to the apartment was more awkward than Veronica could’ve imagined. Logan didn’t speak for the entire ride, didn’t even try to. He just stared straight ahead, looking miserable, and she must’ve felt like he looked at the moment.  
  
She wondered how her father would react if she ran away again. He would probably be relieved.  
  
Veronica inhaled sharply as Logan pulled into the Sunset Cliffs apartments, coaxing a smile on her face. Logan pulled up in front of Keith’s apartment, sighing heavily, and she nodded slowly. She had to make the first move, obviously. “Thanks for the tour, Logan. It was fun.”  
  
“It was a lot of fun,” he admitted, giving her a faint smile. “Before the awkwardness. And the fighting.”  
  
“We continued our streak of fun and drama in the same night,” she concluded with a bright grin.  
  
“I apologize...for ruining your night.”  
  
Veronica shook her head. “You didn’t ruin it, trust me. Tonight has been a continuation of the last couple of weeks- actually, tonight’s been better.”  
  
“Still.” Logan nodded slowly, sighing once more as he glanced at her. “You have a good night.”  
  
“You too,” she leaned over, freezing when she realized he was doing the same. He turned his head at just the right time, her lips clumsily pressed against his jaw, and he exhaled, his lips brushing against her cheek.  
  
Logan pulled back abruptly, giving Veronica an anxious smile. “So are we good?”  
  
“We are.”  
  
Logan nodded. “Good. So...good night.”  
  
“Night.” Veronica leaned over once more, rolling her eyes as he stared at her. She finally lifted her hand, and he high-fived her. “See you around.”  
  
“Later.”  
  
She climbed out of the car, shutting the door quietly so she didn’t wake the neighbors. She stood there for a long moment, waiting, as if Logan would roll down the window or jump out of the car or something. Instead, he continued to sit in his car, his hands gripping the wheel and she finally nodded, walking to her father’s apartment. Behind her, Logan’s car took off toward the street and she appreciated his hasty exit.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Veronica squinted as she focused on the couple across the street, the brunette looking over her shoulder before turning back to her partner. Her hand brushed over her hair, and Veronica caught the platinum wedding band on her finger. The woman stood on her toes, leaving a quick peck on the gentleman's cheek, and Veronica's eyes narrowed. The man's hand ran down the woman's arm before leaning forward once more, and Veronica found herself reaching for her bag that rested at her hip. With a slight flinch, she moved her hand back on her lap, remembering that she hadn't carried a camera for spying in years.  
  
The couple separated, the man unlocking his car and the woman disappearing into the post office, and Veronica frowned, wondering if they were married, and if they weren't, if this woman's husband knew about his cheating wife. And, in an instant, her thoughts traveled to exactly how much this woman's husband would offer a private detective to catch his spouse in the act. Maybe she could convince her father to let her help, he had to if she brought the client in herself.  
  
“ _What_ are you doing?”  
  
Veronica jumped, glancing over her shoulder and gasping at the sight of Logan’s face, just inches from hers as he stared in the direction of her stare. “Hi!”  
  
“Morning,” he walked around the bench, taking a seat next to her as he smoothed down his black and blue-striped tie. “People watching?”  
  
She shrugged, trying her best to seem nonchalant. It was best not to remember their last meeting two nights ago. A nerve-racking “family” dinner, a disastrous attempt at seduction, a rocky fight, and an awkward end wasn’t what she considered a wonderful night to remember. “I like to play ID the Psychopath in the morning...”  
  
“Ah. Fun.” Logan leaned back in his seat, holding up his cup of Starbucks coffee. “Want some?”  
  
Veronica eyed the cup, feeling the “yes” at the tip of her tongue and yet she looked away, focusing on the patrons leaving the post office. “No. Thank you.”  
  
“It’s white chocolate mocha. I don’t know why I still drink this...the coffee and the flavor, I mean. I think my ex’s bad habits rubbed off,” he paused, licking his lips as he glanced at the bus stop across the street. “Take some. I’m not going to drink it all.”  
  
“No.”  
  
He shrugged. “Okay...”  
  
She frowned slightly, watching out of the corner of her eye as he sipped his coffee and feeling faintly envious as she imagined the sweet taste of the hot coffee on her tongue. “I had some orange juice this morning,” she explained stiffly.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Her mouth twitched, and she wordlessly held out her hand. He placed the cup in her hand without hesitation, his eyes still on the bus stop. She took a long sip, closing her eyes as the burst of flavor spread over her tongue. After drinking stale office coffee for years, it was nice to get something new.  
  
Veronica set the cup down on her lap, wiping at the corners of her mouth. “Thank you.”  
  
“I didn’t say you could keep it.” Veronica flushed as she started to hand the cup back and Logan smirked, glancing down at his lap. “I’m joking, Veronica.”  
  
She nodded, smiling weakly. “Funny.”  
  
He was silent for a moment, remembering his discussion with Keith the day before their last dinner. Be nice to Veronica. Everything had changed and she needed time to adjust, if she actually wanted to adjust. Be nice to Veronica. With a certain sense of defeat, Logan decided then to let it all go. After the last seven years, he couldn’t muster up another grudge for anyone, especially not Veronica. She had expressed some sort of regret two nights ago and he decided to believe her.  
  
“I was just teasing,” he said quietly.  
  
“I know.”  
  
Logan glanced at Veronica, frowning at the sight of her staring down at her lap. “No one’s laughing behind your back, you know,” he said carefully. “It’s okay.”  
  
Veronica laughed, giving him a look. “Please. Knowing the people in this town-”  
  
“But you don’t,” he interrupted swiftly. “Trust me, you’re not on the top of the gossip list anymore and I mean that in the nicest way.”  
  
A faint smile played on her lips as she eyed him. “You? Being _nice_?”  
  
He cringed playfully. “It’s not really working for me, is it?” he looked at her, inspecting her face carefully before looking across the street once more, squinting back the glare of the sun. “Listen, do you need a job?”  
  
Veronica frowned, glancing at Logan and waiting for him to start laughing. He didn’t, continuing to watch people walk about. “What?”  
  
He shrugged. “Talk needs a photographer, a local one so they don’t have to pay the same salary they were giving our resident. It’s not a bad job...I can set you up with an interview if you want.”  
  
She suddenly felt slighted, something about his offer didn’t seem genuine to her. How could he go from talking about trivial manners to offering her a job? Her father must’ve put him up to it. “Don’t give me a job because you have to,” she snapped. “I don’t know who told you to-”  
  
He shot her a look. “ _Veronica_ , it’s not charity. Just say yes, we really need someone.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“What the hell else are you doing with yourself? At least think about it.”  
  
She sighed, knowing he was absolutely right. “Fine.”  
  
“Fine.” Logan’s phone began to chirp, and he straightened up, pulling his cell phone out of his pants pocket. He glanced down at the screen, staring at the I.D. for a long moment before glancing at Veronica with a tight smile. “Excuse me.”  
  
Veronica shooed him away, and he stood, walking a couple of feet away as he answered. She watched him as he talked, his head dropping as he spoke quietly. His fingers rubbed on the back of his neck as he fidgeted, his hand dropping as he shook his head. She leaned forward discreetly, trying to see his face as he talked, trying to see if he was having a fight with someone. He turned toward the street and she quickly sat back, focusing on the cup of coffee in her hand. Her eyes lifted, catching the small smile on his face and then he laughed, shaking his head.  
  
It wasn’t any of her business, yet she was still dying to know with whom he was talking. She could feel the curiosity eating at her, she wanted to know who he was talking to that made him smile like that. It couldn’t have been Carmen; he wouldn’t have walked away for Carmen.  
  
Logan closed his phone, walking back over to Veronica. “Sorry about that.”  
  
She gave him what she hoped was a relaxed smile, relaxed enough to show how cool and collected she was. “Who was that?”  
  
He shrugged, shoving his phone into his pocket. “Just a friend.”  
  
“Friend with a big F, or friend with a little F?”  
  
He chuckled. “It depends on what the big and the little signify.”  
  
Veronica placed the cup between her knees, lifting her hands in defeat. “Enough said.”  
  
Logan leaned over, plucking the cup from Veronica’s hold. “I have to get to work. Can you tell Keith I’ll drop off my boss’ stuff tonight?”  
  
She perked up at the information, fixing a bright smile on her face. “ _Tawdry_ stuff?”  
  
“Employee stuff,” he corrected, taking a long sip of his coffee. “He’s doing background checks on some interns for the magazine. He does thousands of dollars of work for cheap. The boss loves him.”  
  
Veronica nodded in agreement. “Everyone does.”  
  
He grinned. “And in return, my boss loves me.”  
  
She laughed dryly. “Looks like _everyone_ loves you.”  
  
“It's a gift.” Logan winked at Veronica, handing her the coffee cup before giving her a short wave. “Later.”  
  
Veronica started to wave as he walked away then stopped, her smile fading. “You’ll be over tonight?” she called.  
  
Logan turned, giving her a nod. “Yeah.”  
  
“What time?”  
  
He frowned. “Does it matter?”  
  
Her mouth opened, unsure of how to respond without seeming psychotic or desperate. Despite the fact that he seemed to have warmed up considerably to her since the night of their fight, she still wasn’t comfortable with having both Logan, her father, and Harmony in such close proximity. She didn’t feel like making an embarrassment of herself into a daily event. “Not really...I just wouldn't want you to come by and no one’s home.”  
  
Logan gazed at her for a long moment, his lips pressing together in a faint irritation. With a sigh, he raised his eyebrows. “I’ll be over around seven.”  
  
Veronica nodded, giving him a grin. “I’ll be sure to order Italian.”  
  
“You should, your cooking was never that great.”  
  
Her eyes began to narrow, until she saw the smirk playing on his lips. “Funny!” she exclaimed.  
  
He grinned, walking away from her. “See you tonight!” he called.  
  
Veronica watched him go, a smile on her lips before she could stop it. She had the entire day to fix herself up in a pretty-but-effortless sort of way, feeling then that she had to prove to Logan that she wasn’t as sad as she had appeared for the last couple of weeks. She had to prove she could move on and forward.  
  
And despite the nagging curiosity nipping at the back of her conscience, she wasn’t about to poke into Logan's private life with the predictable investigating he was probably expecting- it wasn’t where she belonged. She was going to show Logan that she had changed, that she was a different person.  
  
Of course, that wasn’t about to stop her from drilling her father for some information.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All she could focus on and what startled her was just how unhappy Logan looked when staring at that phone. It wasn’t written over his face, but she could see it in the clench of his jaw and the all too brief look in his eyes as he finally looked up, meeting her gaze and catching that same look of misery in her eyes.

Veronica let out an aggravated sigh, following her father as he walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. “Dad! What’s wrong with just telling me about Logan’s life? Why can’t you just make this easy for me, just this once? I promise to leave you alone after this.”  
  
Keith rolled his eyes, setting his briefcase down on the couch. He picked up Veronica’s dog from the couch, holding him out in front of his chest. “Veronica, if you want to know what’s going on with Logan, why don’t you just ask him?”  
  
She took Ace from her father, holding the dog to her chest. The plus side of the night was this: her father had an emergency case in Sacramento and Harmony was going to drop him off at the airport, thus relieving Veronica of the anxiety over having them and Logan in the same room for another night. The negative to all this was that her father’s abrupt exit wasn’t deterring him from protecting Logan from her prying. “Because it’s awkward? Besides, it’s easier for you to say it so I’m not sitting around looking confused.”  
  
“Why don’t you try reading his columns? Some are online and I’m sure he’ll give you back copies.”  
  
“Dad!”  
  
He gave her a look. “I just don’t feel comfortable telling you anything he might not want you to know. In fact, I would feel guilty. He has his own life and his own history and it’s not up to me to fill you in.”  
  
“So he _was_ married?”  
  
Keith chuckled, shaking his head. “Veronica!”  
  
“Child out of wedlock? Tax evasion?”  
  
“We’re not having this conversation.”  
  
“Dad, I promise not to get upset. I’ll be super understanding with whatever you tell me,” she said firmly.  
  
“Veronica, when he wants to let you in on his life, I’m sure he’ll tell you.”  
  
A huff of annoyance escaped Veronica and she set Ace down on the floor. There was no use continuing that conversation, her father clearly wasn’t going to bend on the subject. In fact, his commitment to Logan’s privacy was startling. “When will you be back?”  
  
“In two days and I have to leave now, that’s why I’m taking a plane instead of driving,” he picked up his duffel bag. “You remember how to do background checks, right?”  
  
She snorted, following him to the door. “Do I remember how to do background checks? Who do you think you’re talking to?”  
  
“Right, stupid question,” Keith opened the door, planting a quick kiss on Veronica’s forehead before glancing down the hallway. “Harmony! I’m going to miss my plane!” he called.  
  
Almost immediately, Harmony emerged from the bathroom, clasping an earring. “I’m here, I’m here,” she gasped as she almost tripped over Ace. “Veronica, I almost killed your dog! Can you get him under control, please?”  
  
Veronica scooped Ace up in her arms, rubbing his neck. “He’s a dog, Harmony. He didn’t mean to get in your way.”  
  
“Okay, okay,” Keith gave Veronica a look. “Don’t give Logan a hard time- tonight he’s a customer, got it?”  
  
“Of course,” Veronica smiled. “When have I ever given him a hard time?”  
  
He rolled his eyes, coaxing Harmony out the door. “Save Harmony some food. See you in two days, honey.”  
  
Veronica gave the two a short wave, not waiting for them to reach their car before shutting and locking the door. She kissed the top of Ace’s head before letting him go, watching as he darted down the hall and disappeared into her bedroom. She glanced at her watch, cringing at the time.  
  
7:05. He wasn’t late, though. 7:05 wasn’t late, he never said he was going to be at the apartment at exactly seven.  
  
She shouldn’t have been so excited for Logan’s company. Then again, how does one admit that they have no friends to hang out with? Living in denial was better than facing the truth.  
  
Her eyes lit up at the sight of the shadow in the front door window and she quickly dashed over, smoothing down her bangs on the way. There was a sharp knock and she fixed a bright, hopefully relaxed smile on her face, flinging the door open.  
  
Logan was still in his work clothes and holding a thick yellow envelope as he looked her over briefly. “Hey.”  
  
“Hi,” Veronica held the door open, stepping aside. “Dad had some super-important case to run to so he put me in his place.”  
  
“Did he?” he muttered, holding up the envelope as he walked into the apartment. She snatched it up, immediately opening it as he glanced around. “Just you and me, huh?”  
  
“Yeah, Harmony had to drop him off at the airport,” she said, already distracted by the stacks of resumes and photos of the new employees of Talk magazine. Even years later, any problem could be momentarily solved by potentially entertaining background checks. The lure was just too great. “Some super important case that couldn’t wait until...how much are you paying dad for this?”  
  
“My boss is paying your father two hundred per applicant, so that’s two hundred multiplied by the forty new employees and interns,” he grinned at her. “Your father will be well paid.”  
  
Veronica sank to the arm of the couch, quickly skimming through one applicant’s resume. “Harvard _and_ Juilliard?” she muttered. “Yeah, right.”  
  
Logan sighed, walking to the kitchen and opening up the refrigerator. A moment later, he came up with a bottle of water. “Did you think about the interview?” he asked, opening up the bottle.  
  
Veronica lowered the envelope, sighing wearily. “Listen, you don’t have to do this. I’ll find a job eventually,” she paused, a frown on her face. “The sudden persistence...tell me why. Why me, I mean.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Tell me why you want me for this job so badly,” she paused, unable to resist the urge to mess with him just then. Sure, her father had said to leave Logan alone tonight but as long as her father didn’t know, it wouldn’t make him mad. “In less than ten words.”  
  
He raised his eyebrows. “Are you kidding me?”  
  
“My attention span is tragically low at the moment.”  
  
Logan nodded, licking his lips as he set down the water bottle, holding up both hands and preparing to count off his words. “We really need someone,” a bright grin came upon his face. “You are a last resort.”  
  
Veronica bit back a smile, glancing down at the envelope once more. “Okay, fine, I’ll go to the interview.”  
  
“Thank God because I already told them you would be there tomorrow morning at eight-thirty,” he smiled at the horrified look on her face. “I was banking on either you changing your mind or me convincing you to go.”  
  
“Logan.”  
  
“Come on, it all worked out- you said yes, didn’t you?” he pointed at her, walking around the kitchen counter. “Brenda said she needs to see your photo portfolio as well as a recent resume and four references. I’m one and Rita said she would be kind and vouch for you. Bren’s a complete hardass and I just know she’s going to get you nervous and snippety so I’ll sit in with you if you want-”  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly, feeling herself begin to panic. This was all happening a bit too fast and she was slightly annoyed that Logan had pretty much orchestrated her very first job interview since her firing and all without telling her. “Logan,” she interrupted tersely as she jumped to her feet. “Hold on. I don’t have enough time.”  
  
“Sure you do,” Logan said, walking down the hall toward her bedroom. “You took a bunch of pictures during high school and Hearst, just use that stuff. You’re really good, it’ll show. What are you going to wear?”  
  
She followed him, gaping as he opened up her closet, inspecting her clothes. She shook her head, a laugh escaping her, He really had some balls, looking through her things like he owned the place. “Logan.”  
  
“Damn, you dress like Harmony, Veronica,” Logan turned, staring at her blankly. “Okay. What are you planning to wear tomorrow?”  
  
“You mean, what am I planning to wear tomorrow for the interview I had no idea I had until thirty seconds ago?” she asked sharply. He didn’t respond, placing his hands on his hips and she rolled her eyes, walking to the closet. She pushed aside clothes, a frown on her face as she looked for the perfect interview outfit.  
  
“Hair? Make up?”  
  
“Pinned back, simple make up.” She finally pulled out a pair of black slacks and a navy blue button-down and held them in front of Logan’s face. “That.”  
  
He stared at her clothes in a state of utter shock for just a moment before shaking his head. “Oh hell no, you would get eaten alive,” he pulled out his cell phone. “Hold on, I’ll bring in some backup.”  
  
“Backup?” she repeated, unable to stop that all too familiar anxiety from creeping inside her. This definitely wasn’t how she saw the night going. She had planned on putting on the charm and regaining her self-confidence in front of Logan and that wasn’t what was happening at all. Standing around dumbly while Logan waltzed around wasn’t in her plans at all.  
  
This wasn’t good, she had no control whatsoever, Logan was orchestrating every twist and turn of her potential new job and there was no part of her that was involved in it. She wasn’t even sure if she would’ve known how to put herself together for this interview. She was running blind like she had been since coming back to Neptune, only now Logan had the decency- or audacity- to lead her, and she just didn’t know how to deal with it.  
  
Unfortunately- or perhaps fortunately, Veronica didn’t have enough time to debate the pros and cons of Logan’s sudden helpfulness. Twenty minutes after Logan’s mysterious phone call to his backup, there was a loud knock on the door, which sent Ace running.  
  
Veronica shot Logan a look before walking after her dog. She could feel Logan following her and she chuckled dryly. “Are you getting off on making me your project, Logan?”  
  
“No, I just wouldn’t want you to go into my place of business and embarrass yourself.”  
  
“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Veronica said with a laugh, swinging the front door open. Her face fell at the sight of Rita and Carmen, both holding book bags. Behind them, Dick hopped on his toes, giving Veronica the universal “rock on” sign. “Oh.”  
  
“Oh my God, I haven’t done a makeover in ages!” Rita squealed, rushing into the apartment. “Since high school, even! It’s been years- I’m so excited.”  
  
Veronica gave Logan a look. “A makeover, huh?”  
  
“ _Not_ a makeover,” Logan corrected, gesturing towards Veronica’s bedroom. Rita immediately grabbed Veronica’s arm, dragging her down the hallway. “Just trying to make you presentable for Brenda, Ego Killer.”  
  
Dick took a seat on the edge of Veronica’s table, obediently accepting the cosmetic case Rita placed on his lap. “She’s hella hot, though.”  
  
Veronica was stunned as Rita sat her down at her computer desk and both she and Carmen began pulling out makeup cases, setting them down in front of Veronica. She inhaled sharply, biting back an insult as Rita started to apply foundation on her face. “How bad is this woman?”  
  
“Oh my God!” Carmen exclaimed, checking out the clothes in Veronica’s closet. “The restaurant had to cater an event at Talk and that bitch was so cold. Everything on her plate had to be precise and just so and...” she trailed off, shuddering. “I don’t think she ever said thank you- Veronica, what’s your shoe size?”  
  
“Six,” Veronica said, glancing at Rita when she huffed. “What?”  
  
“Stop making faces!” Rita scolded before handing her a bottle of foundation. “We have the same complexion, so use this. I’m going to show you how to frame your eyes and you’re going to use minimal mascara and eyeshadow, got it? You’re a criminal over user.”  
  
Logan flopped backwards on Veronica’s bed, pulling out his cell phone. “I have to agree.”  
  
“You have to agree?” Veronica snapped. “Since when have you been an expert in makeup?”  
  
“I’m not, I just know I like a more natural look. I don’t want metallic glittery stuff all over my face and pillows after sex, thank you.”  
  
Carmen shrugged, pulling out a black skirt before crinkling her nose at it. “My boyfriend likes the glitter stuff- the one you can lick off?”  
  
Veronica’s gaze shifted to Logan, who continued to play with his phone and have no reaction to Carmen’s over share. “You mean Logan...”  
  
Carmen laughed. “Hell no, Logan’s my friend, I’m talking about my boyfriend.”  
  
Veronica glanced at Logan once more and he nodded, still intently typing what she assumed was a text message. “Carmen and I were never exclusive, she got back with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago,” he held up his phone in front of Dick’s face. “I disapprove of the guy, but whatever.”  
  
Dick glanced at the phone, shrugging. “Cute.”  
  
“Cute?” Logan pulled the phone back to his eye level, grinning. “She’s beautiful.”  
  
“Uh huh.”  
  
Carmen rolled her eyes, putting back Veronica’s skirt and pulling out a white tank top. “Weevil is a good guy, Logan-”  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly at the quick progression of the two conversations in going on in front of her, unable to even take Rita’s mild insult to heart. Logan had someone sending him pictures, Logan and Carmen were no longer an item and yet the only thing that came to mind was- “Weevil.”  
  
Logan glanced at Veronica, a slow grin coming on his face. “Hm?”  
  
“Weevil. You were dating _Weevil’s_ girlfriend.”  
  
Carmen pulled out a short black dress, holding it up. “Oh, Logan and I never dated.”  
  
Veronica ignored Carmen, glaring at Logan. “You were sleeping with Weevil’s girlfriend.”  
  
He grinned at the look of disgust on her face, turning back to his phone. “Please, they were broken up. And besides, if he hadn’t told a date of mine that I had a little girl fetish, then this never would’ve went down the way it did,” he paused. “Okay, I’m lying. Carmen and I were an accident, me telling Weevil won’t be.”  
  
“Don’t you dare!” Carmen gasped, shooting him a look.  
  
Veronica shook her head, getting a scowl from Rita. And finally, there was that bit of the old Logan she feared was long gone. “I’m so glad some things don’t change.”  
  
“Oh, relax, I’m not going to tell him,” Logan chuckled, beginning to type again. “Weevs and I have an epic rivalry, don’t act so surprised, Veronica.”  
  
Dick smirked. “Not as epic as Sheriff Vinnie’s last stand.”  
  
A long silence followed and Veronica found herself growing unnerved. Something had happened to Vinnie Van Lowe and it had to have been something big. Out of all the things she should’ve asked about, this should’ve been one of the first things.  
  
It took Veronica a moment to notice that Rita was giggling.  
  
Something big and amusing had happened with Vinnie, and now she was dying to know. “What happened?”  
  
Logan sat up, glancing at the others. “You want the long story, or the super awesome short version?”  
  
Veronica perked up in her seat. “I don’t care. Hit me.”  
  
“One year into Vinnie’s term, he was found dead in a hotel room,” Logan started, grinning as Dick nearly snorted.  
  
“How is that funny?”  
  
“I’m not done. Turns out Vinnie had a heart attack. While having sex. With an underage girl.”  
  
Veronica frowned. “How underage? And how is this funny?”  
  
Logan shrugged. “Sixteen, not so underage. The girl was also handcuffed to the bed, so he fell on top of her, dead, and she fainted from fright or whatever. The girl? Daughter of Mayor Meyers who had been missing for two days prior.”  
  
Veronica’s mouth dropped before she could stop it. “No.”  
  
“Oh yes,” Logan chuckled, turning so his back rested against the wall. “It was awesome. Keith was totally thrilled behind that grim exterior of his.”  
  
“I only heard about it and I think it’s amazing,” Rita said with a grin before pointing at the black dress Carmen still held in her hands. “That is perfect.”  
  
Carmen nodded, leaning down and into her bag. “Veronica can wear my red heels, we’re the same shoe size. Hair down or up?”  
  
“Definitely down,” Rita said with a nod. “Bangs in front, none of that pulled-back bullshit,” she added, ignoring Veronica’s frown.  
  
Dick sighed loudly, rolling his eyes. “Rita, baby- this isn’t Extreme Makeover. Show her how to do her make up so we can get dinner.”  
  
Rita frowned. “It’s a big deal! She’s going on a stressful job interview-”  
  
“It’s not stressful,” Logan interrupted. “It’s just a regular interview with a tough interviewer. She has no reason to be stressed out.”  
  
“Fine. She’s going on her first job interview in, what, four years and I want to make sure she’s absolutely flawless-”  
  
“Babe,” Dick cut Rita off. “This is Veronica Mars. You don’t know Veronica Mars. I know Veronica Mars and she’s a fucking Doberman.”  
  
Logan smirked, beginning to text once more. “Rita is our mother hen, Dick, I don’t know why you haven’t knocked her up already.”  
  
“He said he’s not ready,” Rita said tersely. “Not ready to get married, not ready for kids. I’m ready, though, and I really wish he would understand and agree to compromise-”  
  
“No more self-help books for you,” Logan told Rita swiftly.  
  
Dick pointed at Logan, nodding. “That’s what I’m saying! Thank you!” Logan nodded, turning back to his phone and Dick turned his attention to Rita. “Baby, I’m only twenty-six and you’re twenty-five. Let’s slow it down a little.”  
  
Veronica chuckled, glancing down at her lap while noting that these people were indeed a group of their own and she was the odd man out. “And it’s like I’m not even here.”  
  
She listened as Dick continued his attempt at quelling Rita’s complaints and she found a sense of yearning grow in her as Dick suddenly became the understanding boyfriend, cupping Rita’s face in his hands as he gave her a quick kiss. Even Dick Casablancas had someone who wanted to spend the rest of their life with him.  
  
A few moments later, Rita and Carmen started a conversation as Rita tested different colors of lipstick on the back of Veronica’s hand as Dick answered a call. Even with a room full of chatty, lively people that had more personality than everyone at FBI headquarters, Veronica felt alone. She knew all she had to do was chime in, start fitting in, and yet, she couldn’t. She just couldn’t and she didn’t know why.  
  
Veronica glanced at Logan, still sitting on her bed and gazing intently at something on his phone screen. She couldn’t tell if it was a text message or a picture or whatever and she supposed it didn’t really matter. All she could focus on and what startled her was just how unhappy Logan looked when staring at that phone. It wasn’t written over his face, but she could see it in the clench of his jaw and the all too brief look in his eyes as he finally looked up, meeting her gaze and catching that same look of misery in her eyes.  
  
In that instant, the sadness was gone from him and he offered her the weakest of smiles.  
  
Any curiosity that might’ve came from seeing Logan so troubled at whatever was on his phone was trumped by the surprise and the ugly relief that he was maybe just as lonely and lost as Veronica was, that maybe he understood exactly what she was going through.  
  
Logan’s gaze moved back to his phone before Veronica could return the smile and it was as if the moment hadn’t happened at all.  
  
  
 ** _Seven Years Ago_**  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly as she continued to type on her laptop, trying her best to focus on her assignment and her father at the same time. The couch was uncomfortable and the coffee table was too short for her to balance her laptop on her lap without it sliding off but she supposed you get what you pay for. She sat uncomfortably, her neck cramped and her wrists hurting from typing in that position.  
  
Her father was telling her exactly how to spot a fake passport and she knew she needed this information for her homework but her father had gone off and started a story about an old case and she was close to snapping at him. She just didn’t have the time.  
  
“Dad. Dad- I really want to hear your story but I’m pressed for time. I have to finish this before I go to work.”  
  
“Oh,” Keith hesitated. “Well, I gave you all the information you need.”  
  
“Oh, good. That’s good,” Veronica cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder, She heard the front door open and a moment later, she heard Piz drop his keys on the kitchen counter. The sound made her cringe, she hated that sound. He did it constantly and it was a habit she tried to break in the ten months they had been living together but it seemed like now he was doing it just because he knew she hated it.  
  
Maybe not. Maybe she was just paranoid.  
  
“Dad, I have to go, Piz is home,” she muttered, saving her work and closing the laptop.  
  
“What? Honey, I thought we were going to try to have an actual conversation tonight- I have a lot I have to tell you.”  
  
His tone was one of hurt and that pained Veronica so, she didn’t even want to imagine his face.  
  
She glanced up as Piz took off his jacket, throwing it on the stool beside the counter and he had that look on his face. He was in a bad mood. “Dad, I really have to go. I’ll call you when I can.”  
  
Keith was silent for a long moment and then- “I love you, honey.”  
  
“Love you. Bye.”  
  
Veronica set her computer aside as Piz took a seat beside her, running his hand through his hair. He didn’t speak and after a moment she slid against him, resting her head on his shoulder. “How was work?” she said softly.  
  
“Seeing you is the high point of my day,” he muttered, his hand rubbing against her knee.  
  
She sighed, throwing her arm over his waist. “It’ll get better, Piz. You have to start from the bottom to get to the-”  
  
“No, don’t do that. Spare me for one day, okay?”  
  
Veronica sat up, momentarily thrown off by the sudden edge in his voice. She didn’t need another passive aggressive fight, she didn’t need to sleep on the couch for the second night in a row. He continued to glower silently next to her and she knew what she had to do. Be supportive. Be caring. Be the good girlfriend, he didn’t need nagging. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
  
Piz finally glanced at Veronica. “I work at a station that hates me. I work twelve hour days, six days a week. I have no friends. We’re barely scraping by and I make you miserable. Do you need me to go on?”  
  
She laughed slightly. “Piz, you don’t make me miserable. I like having you around.”  
  
His hand came up, gently pushing Veronica’s hair off her cheek. “Let’s go back home, Veronica. We can go back to Hearst and hang with Wallace...” he trailed off, smiling. “We can go back to being normal kids making out in dorm rooms. Let’s just go.”  
  
Veronica’s grin faded and she lowered her gaze. “This is my home now, Piz. What’s so bad here? I mean, really. We’re just having a hard time because we’re still settling. Give it time.”  
  
Piz looked almost devastatingly disappointed, his shoulders slouching. “I’ve given it a year. This isn’t my scene.”  
  
“I can’t just leave, Piz,” she said evenly. “I’m going to have a real job after I graduate. This is my dream job and you hated Hearst anyway.”  
  
He was quiet for a moment, licking his lips. His silence began to unnerve Veronica, it was as if at any moment he would explode. She knew he wouldn’t, Piz never would, but it still made her uneasy.  
  
“Piz-”  
  
“It’s okay,” Piz said lightly, leaning over and leaving a quick kiss on Veronica’s forehead. “I’m just having a bad day.”  
  
Veronica shook her head, her lips pressing together tightly. “No, let’s talk about this.”  
  
“Veronica, I’m fine,” he chuckled, glancing at his watch. “Just needed to vent. How much time do you have?”  
  
“I don’t know, five minutes? Why?”  
  
He shrugged. “Just thought we could have some time to ourselves. You’re going to be late for work.”  
  
She sighed dramatically. “Going on coffee runs for police officers...I doubt they would notice if I was a little bit late,” she said with a laugh, resting her hand on his and giving his fingers a squeeze. “Let’s have dinner together at least.”  
  
Piz abruptly stood, waiting for a moment before bending over, cupping Veronica’s face in his hands. “Go to work. Don’t get in trouble because I’m throwing a tantrum. Wake me up when you get home and we’ll have a late, late dinner.”  
  
Veronica smiled, even as she knew that dinner date would never happen. He would fall asleep in their bedroom and she would come home and conk out on the couch until he woke her up the next morning. “Okay. I’ll bring some ice cream home.”  
  
Piz grinned, kissing her gently. She returned the kiss and was slightly disappointed when he pulled away, running his hand down her face before walking to their bedroom. She watched him go, listening as he turned on the bathroom light and a moment later, the shower was running.  
  
It had been three weeks since they had been intimate in any way. Exhaustion, bad moods and a lack of time were to blame. He was getting fed up, she could feel it.  
  
Veronica picked up her phone, quickly dialing her job. She inhaled sharply when her supervisor Mindy picked up. “Mindy, hi, it’s Veronica. Listen, I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it tonight, my boyfriend’s sick and I think I’m going to run him to the hospital,” she listened as Mindy expressed her concern, her eyes continuing to linger on her bedroom door. “Yeah, hopefully he’ll be all right. I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.”  
  
She hung up, jumping to her feet. A smile was fixed on her face as she walked into their bedroom. He wasn’t there but the bathroom door was open and she took that as an invitation. She moved into the bathroom, catching him shirtless, staring into the mirror.  
  
“Guess who got the night off?” she said cheerfully. He glanced at her, his expression blank and she continued hurriedly. “So, I was thinking. You and me. Italian, some ice cream, an all-nighter. In that order.”  
  
A smile played on his lips and she grinned back, leaning against the door. “What do you say?”  
  
Piz nodded, turning to face her as she walked into the small bathroom, embracing him. “Make it Chinese and you got yourself a deal.”  
  
She smiled, leaving a quick kiss on his shoulder. “We’re going to have a good night,” she said, her eyes closing as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

****

**_Now_**  
  
“Don’t be nervous,” Logan muttered, rubbing Veronica’s shoulders as if she were a boxer about to step into the ring. “Just be calm. This is nothing.”  
  
Veronica glanced over her shoulder at him, cursing his encouragement for the lurch of her stomach. She was in the red heels and black dress that Carmen and Rita had picked out for her and Rita had come over early that morning and flat ironed her hair into a most flattering style and had applied red lipstick and subtly smoky eyeshadow that brought out her eyes. Veronica would have been marveling over how hot she looked if she wasn’t ready to throw up.  
  
“Look at that plant over there.”  
  
“Shut up, Logan.”  
  
This wasn’t normal for her- she never got nervous during interviews. Yet as she stood in the lobby of Talk magazine and observed the clothes and hair of the employees and saw how flawless they all looked, something had changed. She felt like she was back in high school being sneered at by the 09ers except this time, there was no bitchy defense mechanism. This time, she actually could believe that she was of a lower species than they. These were people who, even though they were faceless entities for the magazine, were more or less paid to be beautiful.  
  
And that was before she saw the models.  
  
“So this is why you look so perfect every day,” she muttered.  
  
“Nah, I’m just really hot. I wake up like this,” Logan said with a grin.  
  
“I don’t think I can do this,” Veronica said shakily. “I’m not prepared. Look at these people- I’m not even experienced enough.”  
  
He rolled his eyes, turning her around so she was facing him. “Veronica, I wouldn’t have brought you in here if I didn’t think you could do this.” He took her hand, leading her down the lobby.  
  
Veronica followed him, her free hand holding her portfolio to her chest. She pressed her lips together, hoping she didn’t get any of her red lipstick on her teeth. He stopped in front of a large white desk, grinning at the pretty young black girl behind the counter. She fought back the roll of her eyes at his obvious flirtation, weakly smiling at the girl.  
  
“Hello, welcome to Talk Magazine,” the girl drawled and the boredom in her eyes was so very apparent as she looked up at the two. “Morning, Logan.”  
  
“Morning, Ella,” he took a moment to clip his identification to a belt loop on his pants. “This is Veronica Mars, she has an eight o’clock with Brenda Mahoney.”  
  
Ella picked up her iced coffee, taking a long sip and looking at Logan from behind her long bangs. For a moment it looked seductive until Veronica realized that the girl was in fact being obnoxious in her stalling to give Logan any sort of leeway.  
  
Logan slowly grinned. “Come on, Ella. No fooling today, I have a girl ready to throw up at my side, here.”  
  
Veronica took a moment to admire the girl’s nails. They were black with a small diamond-looking jewel on the left tip of each finger. Her eyes drifted to her chest and she noticed the military dog tags on her neck that clashed with her silver necklaces. This girl was too young to be some soldier’s girlfriend, she had to be no older than twenty.  
  
“Who do those belong to?” Veronica spoke up, pointing at Ella’s chest. “Your boyfriend’s a marine?”  
  
Ella glanced down before staring at Veronica. “My brother _was_ ,” she said curtly. “He’s dead.”  
  
Panic flashed in Logan’s eyes for a moment as Veronica’s mouth dropped in mortification and he quickly smiled, leaning forward. “Ella.”  
  
Ella glowered at Veronica for a moment before looking to Logan. “Brenda’s in at eight-thirty. _Her_ appointments start at eight-thirty. _You_ know that. _She_ is thirty minutes early.”  
  
“Well, I guess that means she’s stuck with me until Brenda gets here. Can she have a visitor’s pass?”  
  
Veronica forced a smile on her face as Ella wrote down Veronica’s name on a visitor’s pass, ripping it off the pad and handing it to her with a frown. “Thank you,” Veronica said, trying to keep her voice cheerful. “Sorry about your brother-”  
  
“Okay, stop talking,” Logan muttered, grabbing her by the elbow and steering her toward the elevator. “From now on, do not talk unless you’re spoken to.”  
  
“I didn’t know they belonged to her brother!” Veronica hissed, jerking her arm from his grasp. “And I’m not a child, thanks.”  
  
“That was my boss’ daughter, Veronica,” He moved inside the elevator, holding the door for her. “And I know you’re not a child but you’re my guest until you are employed. Hopefully,” he pressed ‘ten,’ glancing at her. “Listen, I just don’t want to have to confront the angry mob you leave in your wake so let’s keep the talking to a minimum until you see Brenda. For my sake.”  
  
She shook her head, pushing her hair behind her ears as the elevator began to rise. She knew her face was red and she needed to get some control of herself. She couldn’t be flustered when she went in for this interview and at the moment, Logan wasn’t helping. “I just don’t get-” she began.  
  
“Veronica,” Logan said firmly. “This is my job and I like it here. This isn’t a hobby for me. I want my life here to be as pleasant and drama-free as possible.”  
  
Veronica’s jaw clenched as she nodded, her hands tightening into fists. “Understood.”  
  
The elevator stopped on the tenth floor and the doors opened, the brightness of the area surprising Veronica. Like much of Neptune nowadays, Logan’s workplace was white and impeccable. White walls, white carpets, white furniture.  
  
Veronica examined the framed covers of Talk that decorated the walls as they walked down the hallway as Logan paused to accept a memo someone’s assistant handed him and he told her of Veronica’s presence. The pictures looked like your typical magazine with models and celebrities on the covers and the random eye-catching blurbs about the current issue. What caught her attention was that on the edge of each cover was a quote. An ironically inspirational quote, at that.  
  
She had to smirk.  
  
Logan smiled, stepping behind Veronica as she stared up at a cover with Agyness Deyn posing in a red kimono. “Like it?”  
  
“I’m guessing the quote thing was your idea.”  
  
“You guess correctly,” the pads of his fingers dug into her hip as he steered her down the hallway. “Multitask. Look and walk.”  
  
She followed Logan, more than aware of the stares she was getting as he led her down the office. Clearly, the employees of Talk magazine were long-term and new faces weren’t welcomed. She attempted to walk closer to Logan and he took her hand, stopping in front of a cubicle.  
  
“Veronica, this is Leon, who plays the drums in a salsa band awesomely. Leon, this is Veronica,” he said to the gentleman seated in front of a long table, nodding at her. “She might be working here soon.”  
  
The dark, goateed man glanced up, giving Veronica a grin. “And a good morning to you, Miss Veronica,” Veronica smiled as he looked at Logan, holding up two pieces of cardboard. Two magazine covers, one with a red background and a model in a black dress, the other with a black background and the same model in a red dress. “A or B?”  
  
Veronica chuckled. “It’s the same picture.”  
  
Leon shot her a look before glancing down at the covers. “Color makes all the difference, Miss Veronica.”  
  
Logan carefully examined the black cover, frowning. “Giselle looks old...”  
  
“Focus, my friend.”  
  
“B.”  
  
Leon’s brow furrowed. “It’s not too dark?”  
  
“It’s the issue with the goth spread, remember? Go with the theme. Harry will love it,” Logan raised his eyebrows, glancing at Veronica as he led her away. “If you get the job, you won’t be working here. You’ll be on the sixth floor with the other snappers and graphic artists.”  
  
Her nose crinkled. “ _Snappers_?”  
  
“I was going to go for whipper snappers but I figured it was a little _too_ corny,” he perked up at the sight of a redhead with a short bob walking past, her silver heels getting Veronica’s attention.  
  
Even from that far away, Veronica could tell those shoes cost more than her entire wardrobe including the shoes that weren’t hers and the Victoria’s Secret underwear she wore underneath.  
  
“That’s Bren,” Logan said, beckoning Veronica onward. “Let’s go.”  
  
Veronica clutched her portfolio tighter to her chest, following Logan as he dashed after Brenda into the elevator. This woman had a tough walk and Veronica had to admit that it was intimidating, even after traveling around the world and taking down killers and child molesters. She knew the power of confidence and a hard stare and she just knew this woman had both.  
  
Logan pressed the ‘six’ button as soon as Veronica stepped inside, smiling down at Brenda. “Good morning.”  
  
Brenda glanced up at Logan, nodding once as the elevator lurched down. “Morning.”  
  
“I have Veronica Mars here for her interview-”  
  
“At eight-thirty,” Brenda interrupted coolly as the elevator doors opened on the sixth floor. “I’m well aware of my appointments and she is five minutes early,” she moved forward, leaving Logan and Veronica behind.  
  
“Come on,” Logan muttered, following Brenda out.  
  
Veronica nodded, walking after Logan. She glanced down at Brenda’s shoes once more and somewhere between looking back up and putting one foot in front of the other, her right foot caught behind her left and she went flying straight to the ground. She managed to spot the obvious cringe on Logan’s face before she slammed to the floor, her folder hitting Brenda’s foot.  
  
Brenda barely glanced at Veronica, continuing her walk to her office. “First impressions...”  
  
Veronica blinked back the embarrassed tears in her eyes, gathering herself up to her knees. “Oh my God.”  
  
“She’s okay!” Logan called to the small group that stared at Veronica from several feet away. He crouched down next to her, picking up her black folder. “Are you all right, Mars?”  
  
“Oh my God.”  
  
Before he could stop himself he laughed, shaking his head. “Okay, seriously, how would you rate your wipe-out on a scale of one to ten?”  
  
She snatched the folder out of his grasp, carefully wiping at her eyes with a shaking hand. In an instant, her morale had dipped dramatically. She didn’t know how she was going to be able to go through with that interview. Hell, she didn’t want to even look at that woman again. “Stop. I want to leave.”  
  
His laughter faded as he realized how mortified she really was as her hands shook and she kept her head bowed. His gaze softened as he attempted to glance at her face through her hair, his hand resting on her shoulder awkwardly. “Veronica.”  
  
Veronica shook her head. “Can you just take me home?”  
  
“No. It’s okay,” he said quietly, firmly. “Get up, stand up straight, and go to your interview.”  
  
“Logan.”  
  
Logan leaned forward, his face inches from her hair. “I didn’t bring you here so you could ditch the interview,” he said softly. “Come on, I’m going in with you.”  
  
She clutched her portfolio, her jaw clenching. “I just want to go.”  
  
He inhaled sharply, his hand sliding down to her elbow. “Veronica, get yourself together, get the fuck up and let’s fucking go before this crowd expands. You’re better than this and to be honest, I’m kind of pissed you’ve actually come to this. Move it.”  
  
Veronica turned her head, looking at Logan, who raised his eyebrows in response. She knew then if she refused to go and walked out, he would give her that look of his, that look of complete disgust. He would completely blow her off and she wasn’t going to allow that to happen. She was better than this. “Okay,” she whispered, handing him her folder.  
  
Logan nodded, grasping her by the elbow as he helped her to her feet. He waited as she wiped off her skirt and fixed her hair, glancing at the first few pages of her portfolio. He had to admit he was surprised by her choices. Very basic, common photographs. There were some gems from the school newspaper and some arty photos but nothing that stood out. He was suddenly worried for her.  
  
“Why didn’t you include any of Lilly?” he mumbled.  
  
Veronica glanced up at him, wiping at the corner of her eye. “What?”  
  
“Lilly. You took a lot of great pictures of her, why didn’t you use them?”  
  
“Those are private,” she said shortly.  
  
“Your future job might depend on them,” he replied, just as curt.  
  
She wordlessly took the folder out of his hands, closing it as she started down the hallway toward Brenda’s office. “Let’s go.”  
  
Whatever newfound confidence Veronica had gained after Logan’s pep talk was slowly withering fifteen minutes into her interview with Brenda. Interview was pushing it. An interview actually involved talking and conversation. For the last ten minutes, Brenda had opted for examining Veronica’s portfolio instead of talking to her.  
  
Veronica was hesitant to speak unless spoken to after both the receptionist incident and the fall outside Brenda’s office, so she chose to closely inspect her surroundings. It was better than daydreaming.  
  
Brenda’s office was huge and fashionably modern. The bookcase and desk were beautifully peculiar with their size and asymmetrical shapes. On her walls were photographs and more photographs, some of models, some of scenery, and some that were just plain weird and clearly from some foreign, high fashion magazines. Veronica caught the Vogue Italia logo on the corner of several pieces and there were some photos from W, Numero and Jalou.  
  
Occasionally, Brenda wiggled her pen between her fingers or made a humming noise. Veronica wasn’t sure if Brenda’s mumbles and looks were reactions that were in her favor. Brenda wasn’t a talkative or very expressive person, Veronica could tell. The woman barely mustered a greeting when they walked in earlier.  
  
Logan sat quietly beside Veronica, his knees bobbing rapidly as he checked his cell phone. She silently wished he would say something to break the ice, anything to ease her growing anxiety over Brenda’s lack of decipherable reaction.  
  
“Are you a professional, Ms. Mars?”  
  
Veronica jumped, slightly startled by Brenda’s abrupt question. She glanced at the woman who continued to flip through her photos. “N-No. I did a lot of photography in high school and college. Lead photographer four years in a row during high school...” she trailed off when Brenda looked up, her brown eyes boring into Veronica. “I did most of my photography in high school.”  
  
“School’s out, Ms. Mars.”  
  
Veronica sat there dumbly, almost speechless by Brenda’s brusque attitude. She had dealt with a lot of mean, nasty people throughout her life, she had even been one of those nasty people, but this woman unnerved her. Brenda wasn’t outwardly mean or nasty, she was unsympathetically frank. For some reason this almost frightened her. “It is.”  
  
Brenda examined a photograph, one of the beach near Veronica’s home, before turning the page. “Do you like fashion?”  
  
Veronica hesitated, glancing at Logan. He shrugged, nodding toward Brenda and she quickly turned, facing her. “Yes. I guess.”  
  
“Do you follow it?”  
  
“No...not really. I usually do my own thing. If I like it, I wear it.”  
  
A frown played on Brenda’s lips. “Is your current appearance you doing _your own thing_?”  
  
Veronica laughed nervously. “Well, the dress is mine, but a friend did my hair and makeup- I’m not usually into dressing up all the time even though I like to look...pretty, I guess-”  
  
“Do you know where you are?” Brenda interrupted.  
  
“What?” Veronica blinked. “Y-Yes, I know where I am.”  
  
“Are you willing to _dress up_ for the duration of your employment at Talk? Since you consider how you look right now to be _dressing up_ , I wonder how you expected to dress on a daily basis.” Brenda sighed heavily, looking Veronica over. “We project a certain kind of image here at Talk-”  
  
“What are you talking about?” Logan interrupted, gesturing at Veronica. He seemed to know exactly where Brenda was going and that worried Veronica. “Look at her, she’s gorgeous!”  
  
Veronica smiled slightly at Logan’s compliment, giving him a grateful glance. She went unnoticed as Logan continued to argue with Brenda, leaning forward in his seat, his hands on the edge of the table.  
  
“Bren, she’s a knockout.”  
  
Brenda’s eyebrow rose. “I assume you have ulterior motives, Logan.”  
  
“It’s not like that at all,” Logan said with a laugh. “There’s no motives- she’s just a friend. But if you’re going to actually pull the image card, I think you’re being unfair because you’re around models and actors all day. In the real world, Veronica is gorgeous and to be honest, who the hell cares anyway? She’s behind the camera, not in front of it. Who cares how she looks?”  
  
Bren held her hand up, silencing Logan. His mouth set in a thin line as he leaned back in his seat. She glanced at Veronica, her eyebrow rising. “Ms. Mars, if you have any sort of disdain for the fashion industry, as well as toward any persons who are meticulous and take pride in their appearance...if you are the type who looks down on those who work here, then this is not a job for you.”  
  
Veronica smiled firmly. “I assure you that I take pride in my appearance. I would love to work here despite our differences of opinion in fashion.”  
  
That answer didn’t seem to please Brenda yet she turned back to Veronica’s portfolio. “What was your previous job?”  
  
“My previous job?”  
  
Brenda blinked slowly as she glanced up at Veronica, her annoyance clear. “I don’t need an echo, I can understand myself perfectly.”  
  
Veronica sat up straighter in her seat when Logan glanced at her, forcing a smile on her face. She knew this topic would come up, she should’ve been better prepared. “I worked for the FBI.”  
  
Logan nodded when Brenda glanced at him, perhaps for verification. “It’s true.”  
  
Brenda shifted her gaze back to Veronica. “If you worked for the FBI, then what the hell are you doing here?”  
  
Veronica felt her cheeks begin to hurt with all the smiling she was doing. “I need a new job. I was let go and that kind of sucked but I’m ready to work,” she perked up in her seat. “Bright eyed and bushy tailed!”  
  
“You were released from the FBI,” Brenda intoned.  
  
Veronica’s smile faded slightly. “Yes.”  
  
“For what reason.”  
  
The smile faltered even more and she could feel her face begin to grow hot. “Insubordination.”  
  
A hint of a smirk fell on Brenda’s lips as she returned back to Veronica’s photographs. “Good to know.”  
  
Veronica frowned, feeling something inside her slowly twist into anger. She wasn’t going to let Brenda Mahoney, a complete stranger, make her feel like nothing. It wasn’t about to happen, not after all the crap she went through in high school. She defeated people like Brenda. “Look, Ms. Mahoney, I know I might not have experience but I have drive and I will work to be the best possible photographer you have-”  
  
“If you have _drive_ ,” Brenda interrupted swiftly. “Then why did you bring me the most benign, mediocre pieces I have ever seen in all my years? My five year-old can take better pictures than this. Right now, I am insulted that you’re actually wasting my time.”  
  
Logan shook his head, straightening up in his chair. “Brenda, that’s not fair. Veronica’s been aggressively going after bad guys for years- when would she have the opportunity to take recent pictures? If you give her a chance-”  
  
Brenda’s eyes narrowed. “I’m sorry, what do you do here at Talk?”  
  
He frowned in confusion. “I write.”  
  
“All right, then,” she turned back to Veronica, ignoring the scowl Logan shot her. “Ms. Mars, I’m going to be very blunt with you since you came all this way for an interview. Based on your portfolio, I would not hire you for Talk. You show no passion or pride in your work, there’s no sense of artistry but a solid sense of pathos which clashes dramatically with the vision of this magazine. Other than your job at the Bureau which did _not_ include a reference, your resume is less than impressive and your pictures would best be suited for amateur photo contests for the Neptune Herald.”  
  
Brenda leaned back in her chair, her pen tapping against the edge of her desk. “First impressions are key and I can tell just by looking at you that you are uncomfortable in your own skin- how would you manage to coexist among the people in this building? Confident, smart, funny, bright people who were hired for their personality and image and not for how many honor rolls they were on or how many popular cliques they were in. You radiate an alarmingly low sense of self-worth because not once, _not once_ , did you try to stop me as I berated you, not even now as you are ready to cry.”  
  
Logan glanced at Veronica who sat stone faced beside him with the exception of the look in her eyes. She was barely holding it together. “Brenda.”  
  
“You fell outside my office and it took you a whole two minutes to gather yourself together instead of the fifteen seconds needed at most,” Brenda continued firmly. “If you cannot handle a minor fall in front of a handful of people how can I trust you to walk amongst models and actors? Hell, how can I trust you to handle yourself among the cutthroats trying to get your job and they _will_ try to get your job.”  
  
“Brenda,” Logan tried again, leaning forward. “Come on.”  
  
Brenda ignored him, gazing at Veronica. “Logan described you as smart, witty, talented and a sight to behold. I was actually quite excited to meet this woman that got him in such a state because I’ve only seen him speak in such a way for three women before you. His mother, our current resident and...” Brenda trailed off, shaking her head. “I was expecting more than what I see before me. Frankly, I’m quite disappointed that you haven’t made me laugh once, didn’t attempt small talk, did nothing to show off what sparkling personality you _should_ have, and even _now_ you still haven’t told me off. I cannot have such a weak spirit working for me, you would wilt and die.”  
  
Veronica licked her lips, left with the aftermath of Brenda’s scathing words. “I’ve had a tough year,” she mumbled.  
  
“That is an excuse,” Brenda said icily. “I do not accept excuses unless it involves a death.”  
  
Veronica nodded swiftly wanting nothing more at that moment than to run out of that office. If she had known the interview would’ve gone down the way it did, she never would’ve showed. She couldn’t blame Logan, though. He looked visibly guilty as he glanced at her. She just wanted to go. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Don’t apologize,” Logan muttered. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”  
  
There was a knock on the door and after a pause Brenda waved the visitor in. Logan glanced over his shoulder and Veronica could’ve sworn he tensed as the clacking of heels got louder as the newest arrival approached.  
  
A smile fell on Brenda’s face, the first Veronica had seen since the interview started. “Good morning.”  
  
“Good morning,” came a smooth, faintly hoarse voice from behind Veronica.  
  
Logan straightened up in his seat, nodding at Veronica. “Veronica, this is Razia, our resident photographer. Razia, this is Veronica.”  
  
The woman now identified as Razia barely glanced at Veronica, focusing intently on her papers as she approached Brenda’s desk. “Veronica?”  
  
“Veronica Mars,” Logan replied and the slight waver of his voice wasn’t lost on Veronica. “Veronica Mars.”  
  
“Oh?” Razia’s brown eyes suddenly lit up with a certain recognition and she looked at Veronica. “Oh!” Then, suddenly, she cringed. “ _Oh_.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes narrowed. “Why is that everyone’s reaction when they meet me?”  
  
Logan shrugged, glancing down at his lap. “You’re a legend, Mars.”  
  
“Nice to meet you,” Razia said and once again, the change in tone wasn’t lost on Veronica. This time, there was a forced cheerfulness in Razia’s voice. “What brings you around these parts?”  
  
A slow grin came on Logan’s face and Veronica was surprised to see him flush. “Trying to get her your job.”  
  
Razia’s eyebrows rose. “I wasn’t aware I was gone yet,” she met Logan’s gaze for a moment before turning to Brenda, holding out a large manila envelope. “Modern hippie shoot, proofs and finals.”  
  
Brenda took the envelope, giving Razia a look. “Choosing the finals are _my_ job.”  
  
A frown played on Veronica’s lips as she gave Razia a once-over. Long tan legs in a black pencil skirt, red heels that were clearly more expensive than hers, and a form-fitting white button down. Her long, wavy black hair fell down her back and over her shoulders and she chewed on her bottom lip as she looked through her stack of papers.  
  
It took Veronica only a moment to realize Logan was also staring at this woman’s mouth in an admirably discreet way.  
  
“I’m sure you’ll agree my picks are the finals, Brenda,” Razia said confidently, leaning against Brenda’s desk as she looked through her paperwork for something specific.  
  
“What’s wrong with your voice?” Logan asked softly.  
  
Razia gave him a faint smile. “Woke up and it was almost gone. Karma for smoking, I’m sure.”  
  
“I told you to stop.”  
  
“How do you pronounce your name?” Veronica asked abruptly, ignoring the looks she got in her direction.  
  
Razia looked at Veronica in an almost suspicious manner. “Rah-zee-uh.”  
  
“No snooping,” Logan said under his breath, straightening up in his chair. “Bren, are you done berating my friend, here?”  
  
Brenda gave Logan a brief smile, picking up Veronica’s portfolio. “Ms. Mars, your resume will unfortunately be kept in our files for a year to the day you came in for your interview. Feel free to apply to other jobs at our magazine as well as elsewhere,” her smile disappeared abruptly. “Have a lovely day.”  
  
Veronica was on her feet before Brenda finished her last sentence, giving Brenda a forced smile as she nodded to Logan. “Let’s go, let’s go,” she muttered. Logan climbed to his feet and she couldn’t help but notice that he was staring rather intently at this Razia woman as he slipped past her to get to the door.  
  
She smiled grimly as Logan joined her outside the office, pushing her hair behind her ears. He started to speak and she quickly beat him to the punch. “Talk to me. Anything except this failure of an interview. Tell me about your tie.”  
  
Logan glanced down at his tie as they walked to the elevator. “It’s blue.”  
  
“Elaborate.”  
  
“Blue...navy blue? Persian blue? Midnight blue?” A pause. “Sapphire blue.”  
  
Veronica smiled gratefully at Logan’s lame attempt at distracting her, glancing up at him as he pressed the ‘down’ button. “How do you know her?”  
  
“Know who?”  
  
“What’s her name- Razia?”  
  
Logan shrugged, staring up as the numbers lit up over their heads. “Old girlfriend.”  
  
Veronica’s eyebrows rose. “White chocolate mocha girlfriend?” she asked carefully, already knowing the answer just from the look on his face. The tension in his jaw. Definitely an old girlfriend.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“How serious was it?”  
  
“Listen,” Logan glanced down at Veronica as the elevator doors opened. “I’m really sorry about that interview. I knew Bren was a hardass but if I had known she was going to treat you that way, I wouldn’t even have bothered. I’m sorry.”  
  
Veronica chuckled as they walked into the elevator, waiting until the doors had closed to face him. “Stop saying you’re sorry. Sorry doesn’t suit you. Don’t you have to work?”  
  
He shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Took a day off. I figured a morning with you would exhaust me, so...” he trailed off, giving her a grin. He jumped as his phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket, checking it.  
  
She glanced at the phone, trying to get a clear view of what he was smiling at. “Who’s that?”  
  
“Parker.”  
  
The way he abruptly cut himself off after saying her name didn’t go unnoticed by Veronica and she waited as he finished texting Parker before shoving the phone back in his pocket. “Parker...” she smiled at Logan, knowing then if he said the wrong thing, she was going to kill him. “Did you two get back together?”  
  
Logan shook his head slowly. “Not exactly. We’re, uh, just friends. Again.”  
  
“Just, _uh_ , friends?” Veronica mimicked, growing slightly uneasy by the short answers he was providing. “Friends with a big F?”  
  
“Friends as in friends,” he responded carefully. “She’s a very good friend.”  
  
“Why haven’t I seen her?”  
  
“She’s in Denver. Was in Paris on vacation.”  
  
What was remaining of her smile faded. “You don’t want to tell me?” she asked, hating herself for allowing the question to come out. “How bad is it?”  
  
Logan chuckled, shaking his head as the elevator doors opened to the lobby. He walked out, waiting for Veronica to join him. “It’s not bad, I’m just not into sharing at the moment. You know, you could just read my columns and all will be revealed-”  
  
“Why can’t you just tell me?” she cut him off.  
  
“Because I don’t want to, okay?” he sighed, his voice softening as he continued. “Not now, it’s complicated and there are years of stories and events that I don’t really want to rehash at the moment. When I’m ready, I’ll talk.”  
  
“You don’t trust me?” Veronica eyed Logan as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, texting someone once more. “Parker?”  
  
“Heather.”  
  
“Heather?”  
  
Logan grinned slightly. “Perpetually happy child, wearing your shirt, tried to get us back together in the elevator of the Grand.”  
  
Veronica was silent for a long moment, trying to recall this Heather. Then, there the memory was. Rather, there the memory of the mortification was. “Yes! You kept in touch with Heather? That’s good!”  
  
“Yeah, we’re pretty close. When her family or sister came to Neptune on vacation, we would hang. Every year, holidays, and whatever,” Logan frowned suddenly, something interrupting his cheerful story. “When she was about fifteen, she read The _Time Traveler’s Wife_. Got a bit of an obsession with it.”  
  
Veronica slowly smiled when Logan began to flush. “What happened?”  
  
“She decided that our relationship sort of mirrored the book’s in a warped way and on her sixteenth birthday...” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
She laughed loudly, ignoring the stares she got from the employees of Talk magazine. “Oh my God, now you have to tell me.”  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it!” Logan exclaimed, starting to walk toward the front entrance.  
  
She laughed, rushing after Logan as he nearly flew out the door. “Logan! It cannot be that bad!”  
  
“It was traumatizing. New subject.”  
  
“Traumatizing for her?”  
  
Logan snorted, unlocking his car and climbing inside. He waited for Veronica to buckle herself in before starting the car. “Traumatizing for _me_. Who cares about her feelings?”  
  
All Veronica could do was laugh harder because despite all of Logan’s bravado and cool exterior, he was now as red as a tomato and nothing was funnier than Logan being embarrassed. This was familiar and she embraced it. Even with the crash and burn of that interview, she couldn’t stress while Logan sat next to her blushing furiously. “Oh my God, are you going to cry?”  
  
“Shut up!”  
  
  
 ** _Seven Years Ago_**  
  
Keith looked up from his newspaper when the front door of the Presidential Suite of the Grand opened and in walked Logan, his eyes on the floor as he shut the door behind him. Keith watched as Logan moved into the living room area, kicking off his sneakers and throwing aside his book bag. His hands were hidden underneath his green sweater and his pants were so baggy that they almost covered his feet.  
  
Logan looked like such a little boy, Keith noted as the boy flopped on the couch farthest away from him.  
  
With a faint frown, Keith turned the page of his paper, leaning back in his seat. Logan remained stubbornly silent and Keith sighed calmly. “How was school?”  
  
“Fine,” Logan said shortly.  
  
“Learn anything?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Keith finally lowered his newspaper, glancing at Logan. “What did you learn today?” he asked firmly.  
  
Logan scowled before staring up at the ceiling. “Learned how to write stuff. Tudor England.”  
  
Keith’s eyebrows rose. “Really? Which wife?”  
  
“We’re still on Anne Boleyn and the whole Church of England crap.”  
  
Truth be told, Keith didn’t know much about any of the royals and their troubles. Even Veronica didn’t care about that stuff and yet here was Logan taking Tudor history “for fun” in his words. He knew Logan had no goals, no drive for anything other than girls and his surfing, so the fact that he actually decided to take a challenging course “for fun” surprised and pleased Keith to no end.  
  
Logically, he knew Logan was only taking the class to shut him up.  
  
“Is it interesting?” Keith tried before the awkward silence could set in.  
  
Logan shrugged, his gaze shifting down to his lap. “It’s all right. It’s just pretty insane that this one woman changed the history of England, you know? It’s nuts...” he trailed off, frowning. “Are you leaving or staying or what?”  
  
Keith hesitated, thinking about Logan’s question carefully. It was past seven, Keith hadn’t even eaten dinner, and yet he had expected a conversation with Logan once the boy had come from school. Veronica’s absence had taken a specific toll on Keith, he knew that now. He missed having someone to talk to and unfortunately, it looked like Logan didn’t want to be that person.  
  
“Why are you so solitary?” Keith asked abruptly.  
  
Logan glanced at Keith, his brow furrowing. “Hm?”  
  
“Why do you want to be alone all the time? That stupid friend of yours doesn’t even hang out here as much,” Keith said, giving Logan a shrug. “It’s been almost a year and you don’t have friends or a girl- if you’re dating or have a girlfriend, I don’t know about it.”  
  
“I’m used to being alone,” Logan muttered, staring at the ceiling once more. “And I do not have a girlfriend,” he sighed loudly, looking at Keith. “You’re not my dad, you know.”  
  
Keith was thrown off by the matter-of-fact manner in which Logan delivered that information. There wasn’t a moment of hesitation to spare any embarrassment or awkwardness, Logan just said it and it hung there. It didn’t really embarrass Keith but it was definitely something he couldn’t really respond to. “I know that.”  
  
“Then why are you here?”  
  
“I’m here to make sure you have a good life.”  
  
Logan straightened up in his seat. “So let’s say I did have a girl coming over, would you just hang out here to make sure I didn’t snort coke off her ass or something?”  
  
Keith couldn’t help but smile, giving Logan a look. “If you were to have a lady friend over, I would leave with the promise that you wouldn’t try to escape Neptune.”  
  
“Okay, deal. I won’t leave Neptune if you let me have _lady friends_.”  
  
Keith eyed Logan, noting the swiftness at which his mood had suddenly elevated. “You were always going to come back to Neptune, weren’t you?”  
  
Logan shrugged, his expression indescribable. “Eventually. I kind of like it here, painful trauma and all,” he paused, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his cell phone. “It’s clear you don’t want to leave so shall we order some Italian?”  
  
And there it was. Despite the performance Logan put on and the insistence that he preferred to be alone, in reality, he really didn’t want to be. He put up a fight to save face but ultimately, he just wanted to have someone there with him. Everyone he loved had left him in some way and he never had an appropriate parental figure. Even if this entire thing had began over Keith’s disappointment and disgust over his, Logan’s, and Veronica’s respectful situations, Keith knew now that it was beyond a disposable chaperone relationship. Logan needed Keith to keep him alive and Keith supposed they were in the same bind.  
  
“I’m proud of you, you know,” Keith said quietly.  
  
Logan’s jaw clenched as he stared at his phone, refusing to even look at or acknowledge Keith. “Yeah. Do you want pasta or lasagna?”  
  
  
 ** _Now_**  
  
Five minutes past two in the morning and endless sheep counting and Veronica was still awake.  
  
She hated to admit it but Brenda’s words had stuck with her far longer than she thought they would. Really, she shouldn’t have cared what some stranger thought about her but she couldn’t help but believe that Brenda’s observation of her was simply spot-on. If this stranger thought so low of her, she couldn’t imagine what those close to her thought.  
  
For the last ten minutes, she had taken to staring at Logan’s business card. He was definitely hiding something from her, it didn’t take a psychic to figure that out. He had a relationship with Parker, and she wasn’t sure if she should dwell on it or not. He was definitely thrown off by the presence of that Razia woman and Veronica had to tell herself not to snoop on either Parker or Razia’s backgrounds with and without Logan. Logan claimed that he needed space and time before telling Veronica about the last seven years and Veronica was going to respect that.  
  
Despite all her troublesome thoughts, Veronica knew she had no right to snoop. Logan had clearly explained why he was being so sparse with information on his past and she knew she had to respect that and honor it.  
  
It didn’t mean she had to like it, though.  
  
Veronica gazed at the business card for a long moment, the pad of her finger running over the raised lettering. She flipped the card around, her eyes scanning the two handwritten numbers that he had scrawled weeks earlier when they had barely known each other. With a sigh, she picked up her phone, typing in the cell number, her teeth nipping at her lower lip. Her thumb hovered over the green button of her cell phone, silently debating the pros and cons of what she was about to do.  
  
Finally, and before she could change her mind, she pressed the green button, her eyes shutting tightly as she waited.  
  
Logan would understand her. Out of all those she had abandoned and forgotten and come back to, she was certain Logan would be able to see her point of view. He had to, no one else knew what it was like to burn their own bridges and struggle with the aftermath like Logan.  
  
After a couple of agonizing seconds, she heard a click and a rustling as the call was picked up. She held her breath, waiting.  
  
“Hel...Hello?”  
  
Veronica exhaled slowly, forcing a weak smile on her face as though Logan could see her. His voice sounded strained, like she had woken him and she suddenly wanted to hang up the phone. “Hi.”  
  
“Hi?”  
  
She was silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. Finally, she settled on- “How are you?”  
  
“Fine. I’m kind of-” he inhaled sharply. “Wait. Who is this?”  
  
Her smile faltered. “Veronica.”  
  
Logan inhaled audibly once more, and she could hear him moving around on the other end. "Ver...” he trailed off before continuing. “Wha...it’s two in the morning, Veronica.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Okay...oh my God, Keith isn’t dead, is he?”  
  
Veronica laughed abruptly, shaking her head. “No! No, he’s fine. He’s still on his case...probably sleeping.”  
  
“At least someone is,” Logan sighed when Veronica didn't respond. “What’s up?”  
  
Her mouth opened as she prepared to spill her heart out but nothing came out and she found herself sputtering silently for a few moments until her lips pressed together in frustration. She swallowed hard, trying again. “Nothing.”  
  
“Nothing made you call me at two in the morning when I have to work tomorrow?”  
  
She opened her eyes, staring at the shadows that formed on the ceiling before dropping her gaze to the foot of the bed, where her dog slept. “I need someone to talk to,” she finally admitted, her eyes closing.  
  
He chuckled dryly. “I had no idea I was a therapist now.”  
  
Veronica was momentarily stunned by his comment, unsure if he had meant to be hurtful or not. Finally, she chose to ignore it, cutting right to the chase. “I don’t really have anyone to talk to.”  
  
“Did you call Keith? What did he-”  
  
“I don’t want to talk to him,” Veronica cut him off abruptly.  
  
He sighed heavily and she could hear him move about. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”  
  
Veronica sat up swiftly, feeling her heart begin to race in a steady panic. Out of all the things she had expected, him coming over wasn’t one of them. She didn’t need this. At least if she embarrassed herself over the phone she could hang up on him. “Logan, no. You don’t have to-”  
  
“Twenty minutes.”  
  
“I can’t wake up Harmony.”  
  
“Then don’t walk like an angry man like you usually do. Twenty minutes.” With that, he hung up on her.  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly, her gaze drifting to her phone which she had let fall to the bed. Logan wasn’t playing around and she needed to fix herself up.  
  
True to Logan’s word, roughly twenty minutes later Veronica’s phone rang as she pulled her hair into a loose ponytail. She picked up the phone, but before she could get a “hello” out-  
  
“Come outside.”  
  
Veronica rolled her eyes, pushing her hair behind her left ear. “I’m not going outside until you get here, so forget about it.”  
  
“I’m _outside_ , jerk. Move it or lose it.”  
  
Veronica hung up on him, inhaling sharply as she stared at her reflection. He definitely wasn’t joking around, he had actually driven all the way to the apartment. She checked her face, making sure she looked acceptable before slipping out of her bedroom, tiptoeing past her father’s bedroom as she headed for the front door. Anxiety began to overwhelm her, and she wanted nothing more than to tell Logan to go home, to just forget about it. Of course, she knew he wouldn’t, especially after driving all that way.  
  
She opened the door, walking out and closing it as quietly as she could. She glanced out, spotting Logan’s car and she closed her eyes momentarily, resisting the urge to run back inside. She walked down the path slowly, her lips pressing together tightly when Logan stepped out of the car, giving her a short wave as she reached him.  
  
Logan’s hair was a mess and he was dressed sloppily in a pair of wrinkled cargo shorts that fell below his knees, sneakers with no socks, and a baggy Hearst sweatshirt. Veronica felt guilty then because he still looked half-asleep.  
  
With a weary sigh, Logan smiled, leaning against his car as Veronica approached. “Only you would do this to me.”  
  
“It’s a gift,” Veronica replied weakly, nervously glancing down at her feet.  
  
“Your gift is my curse, I suppose,” he waited until she looked up at him to nod, gesturing to the pool area several feet away. “Let’s at least attempt to be quiet.”  
  
Veronica followed Logan to the pool, watching as he sat down at the edge of the shallow end, removing his shoes before setting his feet in the water. He glanced up at her expectantly, so she took a seat beside him, pulling down her shorts over her thighs before she could imagine the feel of his eyes on her.  
  
She moved her legs, enjoying the feel of the cool water against her skin. Her eyes drifted to Logan’s, also in the pool but still. “Were you alone?”  
  
“When you called?” Logan replied quietly as he glanced at her. She nodded and he shrugged in response. “Yeah...”  
  
“Lying?”  
  
“No. I actually needed to get some sleep,” a smile played on his lips. “And if I had company, I wouldn’t have answered the phone.”  
  
“Oh.” She frowned, focusing on the leaves floating in the water. “So what happened with Heather?”  
  
Logan’s gaze darted to Veronica’s face and he had to laugh when she gave him her most innocent smile. “Come on.”  
  
“Logan, I’ve had a crappy day. Humor me.”  
  
He glanced at the black sky, letting out a huff. “So, you’ve read _The Time Traveler’s Wife_ , right?” he looked down at the water when she nodded. “Yeah, so, remember that scene where the guy’s wife sleeps with him on her birthday because he promised her he would or something? Yeah, that’s what happened to Heather and I, except I never promised shit.”  
  
“Wow,” Veronica laughed, shaking her head. “And here I am complaining about my problems.”  
  
“Yes, perspective is key,” Logan intoned. “So, I come home from work and at this point of our lives, Heather had a key to my place because she was having problems with her big sister,” he paused, clearly reliving the memory and Veronica nearly lost it with how pained he looked. “I come home and she’s actually in my bedroom in this white, really virginal slip and she all but offers herself to me, saying that if she wanted to lose her virginity, she wanted it to be with me.”  
  
“Wait. Rewind,” she slowly grinned. “Just like that. She brought up the whole sex thing just like that.”  
  
“No!” Logan exclaimed. “We had talked about it. She asked me about girls and sex and so on and I knew she was upset because she hadn’t had sex yet and all her friends had...” he trailed off, shaking his head. “In hindsight, not a good plan. _In hindsight_ , I never would’ve told her that she just needed to wait, the right guy was right in front of her, waiting.”  
  
“So, you know,” Logan continued. “She decided months earlier that I was going to fucking take her virginity, never mind that she was a minor and I was, like, in my twenties and hello- illegal. She’s there in my bedroom looking inappropriately virginal and pure and I wanted to kill myself.”  
  
Veronica tried to hold herself together, knowing full well if she burst out laughing, Logan would never finish the story. “Nice. What did you do?”  
  
“I ran away.”  
  
That was her breaking point and she let out a loud laugh, quickly covering her mouth. “You _ran away_?” she repeated incredulously.  
  
“Veronica,” Logan said, annoyed. “She was a minor in lingerie in my apartment that was filled with my girlfriend’s shit. I would’ve been arrested, had my ass kicked, and been dumped, no questions asked.”  
  
“So you ran away.”  
  
“No, I looked at her, nodded, turned around and then ran away.” Logan frowned, pulling the sleeves of his shirt over his knuckles. “It was about a week before I was able to face her, but we got the outline of our relationship clear- she’s like my little sister,” he nodded once, giving Veronica a look. “There’s your story for the day.”  
  
She gave him a faint smile. “Will you be telling me more?”  
  
“Maybe. Why am I here right now?”  
  
“Because you offered?”  
  
“Veronica.”  
  
Veronica frowned, reclining on the pavement and leaning on her elbows. She had been hoping Logan wouldn’t bring the subject up at all. “I have no one to talk to.”  
  
He glanced down at her, shrugging. “Harmony?”  
  
A chuckle escaped her. “Come on, Logan. Harmony and I can barely talk. Dad keeps avoiding me, I barely know Rita and I refuse to talk to Dick. You...” she trailed off, sighing deeply. “You I can trust.”  
  
His eyebrows rose in slight disbelief. “Really.”  
  
She nodded slowly. “I think I can accept that you’re not out to get me,” she said carefully. “And I don’t blame you for what happened today, okay?”  
  
Logan gazed at her, his brow furrowing. “It was never my intent to embarrass you-”  
  
“Stop apologizing,” she said with a laugh, shaking her head. Her smile faded as she felt the heat of his body as he reclined beside her, his eyes still on her face. “Next time, I’ll be better prepared for that bitch.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
She licked her lips, her eyes on his profile as he turned to stare at the few stars in the sky. “Wanna tell me about this Razia girl?”  
  
“You got your story for the night, don’t be greedy.”  
  
“Ouch,” Veronica glanced at him, a sigh escaping her. This felt normal to her, nothing much had been said, but she appreciated his presence. Not everyone would’ve gotten out of bed to keep her company in the middle of the night. “Thanks for coming.”  
  
He met her gaze, offering her a slight smile. “It was my pleasure.”  
  
She smirked, nudging him with her shoulder as they started to sit up. “Liar. You’re falling asleep right now.”  
  
Logan grinned, nudging her back. “Yeah, I’m going home.”  
  
“Really, though,” Veronica said, glancing at the water. “Thank you. For humoring me.”  
  
“Whatever, it’s almost three in the morning, you bitch,” he muttered, a smile coming on his face when she laughed. He pulled his legs out of the pool, climbing to his feet. He held out his hands, helping her up. “And really, you’re welcome. I could be sleeping, but this isn’t a bad alternative.”  
  
She nodded, feeling her breath catching in her throat when he didn’t let go of her hands, holding on to them loosely as they stood there. Years ago, this was the moment when he pulled her into his embrace but now, he didn’t budge and she didn’t know what to make of it. Finally, she smiled, pulling her hands out of his grasp. “I won’t call you this late again, I promise.”  
  
He grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets as they began the walk to the parking area. “It’s a promise that will inevitably be broken, I’m sure.”  
  
“Okay, I’ll wait a week,” she said as cheerfully as she could.  
  
“That was five days more than I expected,” Logan said lightly as they stopped in front of his car. “Good night, Veronica.”  
  
“Good night, Logan.”  
  
Logan nodded to the door of Keith’s apartment. “Go inside before I get in my car.”  
  
Veronica gave him a knowing look. “What if I go inside and you get maimed? Why don’t you think about how guilty I’d feel?”  
  
“Why don’t you think about the fact that I am tired and it’s almost three in the morning and maybe you should do what I say considering you’re the reason I’m awake?”  
  
She was slightly thrown off by the faintly sharp tinge in his voice, glancing at his face. Before she could get too nervous, she saw the flash of amusement in his eyes and she smiled, moving toward the door. “Fine. Good night, Logan.”  
  
He watched as she opened the door, pulling his keys out of his pocket. “Night.”  
  
Veronica stopped halfway inside, leaning backwards and tilting her head back so she was staring at him. Sure, he was upside down, but at least she was looking at him. “Thank you!” she said in a loud whisper.  
  
“You’re welcome!” he responded in an equally loud whisper.  
  
She smiled, standing upright as she moved into the house, closing the door ever so slowly. He continued to watch her, backing to his truck and she couldn’t stop the odd, long-forgotten feeling in her stomach. Strangely enough, the feeling of Logan’s eyes on her as she walked to the door was probably the most comforting and familiar thing she could’ve felt in all the weeks she had been in Neptune.  
  
In his presence was the safest she had felt in seven years and she wasn’t sure how to feel about that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was a passive, weak waste of space and everyone knew it just by looking at her. They all couldn’t be any more wrong.

Logan dug his spoon into the ridiculously large, half-eaten sundae he had bought for himself and Heather, twisting and spearing the edge into a slice of banana. It was a Chasm specialty with extra peanuts, cherries, four different ice cream flavors and dark chocolate syrup- and it was the only reason Heather wanted to come to the restaurant for lunch to begin with. She had scoffed at his suggestion of actual, hot food and had begged for the ten dollar sundae, so who was he to argue? He wasn’t even that much of a sundae person, but Heather was, so he resorted to eating the fruit and vanilla ice cream around the junk surrounding it.  
  
At the moment, Heather was busy telling him of her most recent suitor, some jackass named Chad who would probably be trying to get in her pants in about two more weeks. Logan eyed Heather as she giggled over some lame joke Chad had told her, making a mental note to find Chad and have a special talk with him.  
  
In the middle of Heather’s continuous chatter and the quickly melting ice cream, Logan’s thoughts managed to wander to the one topic he had so steadily avoided for weeks now: Veronica. She was still a mess but now a less pathetic one. His foray into job recruitment for Talk didn’t go as well as he had planned but he hoped she hadn’t taken the blow to heart, even if he was still kind of pissed she didn’t defend herself against Brenda after he had vouched for her so strongly.  
  
Veronica’s ego wasn’t the only one that took a hit that morning, unfortunately. He was certain Brenda wouldn’t be trusting his opinion on anything else of importance in the near future.  
  
Despite that minor bump in the road, Logan was quite happy that Veronica was slowly, surely, steadily getting back on her feet. The awkwardness and pity was almost becoming too much to bear and the fact that Veronica had stepped a few paces out of her slump had to be a good sign. He could even say he saw glimpses of the old Veronica last night by the pool. A sadder, world-weary Veronica, but still the Veronica he remembered.  
  
Also remembered were those feelings, the damn emotions he had buried away and forgotten for years. Veronica lay by the pool, eyes bright and her smile easy as she laughed at his Heather story, and he had been momentarily reminded of the Veronica he had fallen for when he was young and ridiculously stupid. She had looked seventeen again in her ponytail and he had found himself, to his everlasting mortification, wanting to kiss her.  
  
Luckily for him, his common sense wasn’t about to let him slip off the wagon. They weren’t teenagers and he couldn’t just kiss Veronica on a whim of nostalgia.  
  
Ultimately, he knew he hadn’t wanted to pursue even a kiss with Veronica. It was a moment that had passed quickly and all he was left with was the memory of it and he preferred that to the regret that was sure to have followed had he gone through with it. Still, it didn’t stop him from wondering if Veronica would’ve allowed the slip. He knew she would’ve and there was absolutely no fun in that, especially not as he knew their curiosity lay in the unknown. They didn’t know each other at all, Veronica still thought of him as the stupid boy she had left behind when she escaped Neptune, and he saw a complete stranger when he interacted with her.  
  
Logan had a hell of a lot more important things on his mind, but he gladly allowed Veronica to cut ahead of the line this time. He needed a break from the stress of trying to stay relaxed and perfect. Behind this carefully orchestrated facade of cool and stable, certain things were threatening to break him and he just needed to focus on something less challenging until he was able to clear his head.  
  
He had awoken that morning in the bleakest of moods, wanting to stay in bed but knowing full well if he did, people would notice. Even with his network of friends, co-workers, lovers, lawyers, and associates, he didn’t have a single person who got him. Those feelings were elevated by his unfortunate meet-up with Razia as Veronica stood nearby. Two worlds, two lives, collided to an uncomfortable level and he just didn’t want to deal with it.  
  
Certain pieces were missing in his life and he knew exactly what they were, but why bother trying to fix something that was already done, broken, and over with? He preferred not to think of the less than satisfactory state of his private life- no one needed to know that loneliness wasn’t limited to the old Logan. Dick wouldn’t understand although he would pretend to, Keith wasn’t around to listen and he just didn’t feel like talking on the phone to anyone. Wallowing alone would have to do.  
  
“So, I told him to be a man and take the strap-on-”  
  
Logan blinked out of his reverie, abruptly straightening up in his chair. “What.”  
  
A slow grin spread on Heather’s face and she pointed her spoon at him. “Just checking if you were paying attention. You were staring into space,” she glanced at his hand, the area below his pinkie stained with syrup. “And drowning your spoon.”  
  
He dropped his spoon, picking up a napkin and wiping at his hand. “So there’s no strap-on incidents?”  
  
She giggled. “No,” she paused. “Heard about your great love being back in town.”  
  
“She never-” Logan abruptly cut himself off, staring at Heather. A frown was on his lips and he was slightly ashamed when it took him a couple of seconds to realize who she was really talking about. “Who told you?”  
  
“Dick.”  
  
“He’s such a whore- yes, Veronica’s back in town.”  
  
Amusement flashed in Heather’s eyes as she lowered her spoon. “Who did you think I was talking about?”  
  
He shrugged, glancing down at the ice cream bowl. “Gonna try to hook me up with her again?”  
  
“No, I won’t need to. I’m confident fate will run its course,” her eyes moved down to the messenger bag resting at Logan’s feet. “Finished the column yet?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Am I in it this time?”  
  
A sigh escaped Logan as he leaned forward, picking up his spoon once more. “Negative. I was told to do some nostalgic writings, so I’m writing about my firsts.”  
  
Her nose crinkled in confusion. “Your firsts?”  
  
“First kiss, first make out, first time, first girlfriend, first time in love, and so on,” he was silent for a moment, a frown on his lips. Discussing his column definitely wasn’t helping to elevate his mood. “And then I invite my dear readers to give their own thoughts and opinions like I give a shit.”  
  
Heather’s eyebrows rose as she turned her attention to the ice cream bowl between them on the table. “You’re dark today, what’s wrong with you?”  
  
“Just moody. I’m having a Paxil kind of day. ”  
  
“Wanna hear about my period?”  
  
Logan barely contained his smirk, giving her a warning look. “Stop it now. And that is really gross,” his brow furrowed as his cell phone began to ring and he pulled it out of his pocket, glancing at the screen. He grinned as he glanced at Heather. “Excuse me.”  
  
“Who is it?”  
  
“My baby mama,” he winked at her before answering the call.  
  
Heather watched as Logan turned in his chair, dropping his spoon to the table. “Which one?” he flipped her off, jumping to his feet as he walked toward the balcony. She frowned, pointing at the ice cream bowl. “Can I eat your half?” she called, smiling as he waved her off.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Harmony hadn’t questioned Veronica when she walked out the door just twenty minutes earlier and Veronica really wished she had. At least an inquiry of Veronica’s path, a message to give her father should he call, or maybe even a request to stay.  
  
Even if Harmony had known Veronica would’ve declined, the gesture would’ve been appreciated. A simple act to show Veronica was wanted, but unfortunately, Harmony had turned right back to the morning news. Even when Veronica had said she was going to visit her mother, Harmony had nodded, her face unreadable as she ate her toast.  
  
Veronica wasn’t looking for any kind of relationship with Harmony. She didn’t even care if Harmony liked her. Harmony’s approval wasn’t a necessity to Veronica getting by in life.  
  
However, Harmony’s hospitality or concern might’ve kept Veronica from driving twenty minutes to the cemetery. It might’ve kept Veronica from where she had stood numbly for a good ten minutes now, trying to think of something uplifting or poignant to remember about her mother.  
  
Her mother’s grave wasn’t what Veronica had expected. She didn’t know what she had been expecting, but a simple grave marker wasn’t it. Nothing fancy, nothing expensive, just a small marker.  
  
Lianne Mars. Wife. Mother.  
  
Short and simple. There would be no rush of tears, no uncontrollable sobbing or anguished, angry cries at God. Lianne Mars was dead and her final resting place held a title she had never really earned or wanted. Even in death, her mother was wrapped in lies.  
  
Then, in an instant, was the one pure moment that hadn’t been tainted by the truth or rose-colored glasses being shattered. Her mother brushing Veronica’s long hair, she had to have been ten or so, as they sat on the grass outside their house, listening to some 80's station on the radio. She could still remember how gentle her mother’s hands were on her hair, her neck, her back. She could still remember how nice her mother smelled, how she actually looked like she was content there with her daughter and not wanting to be somewhere else with that distant look in her eyes.  
  
Veronica stared down at her mother’s tombstone, inhaling sharply as she felt a sudden ache against her chest, an ache that she had thought was forgotten and long gone.  
  
Before the tears could fully form, she felt a warmth against her palm, and it took her a moment to realize that someone had taken her hand in theirs. She already knew who it was, years of holding that hand had accustomed her to his touch and their contact now just reminded her of how lost and alone she had been for the last seven years. She could’ve wept.  
  
Instead, she nodded, licking her lips as her shoulders slouched. She was exhausted and she didn’t even know why. “Hi,” she said softly.  
  
She didn’t move as Keith’s other hand wrapped around the back of her hand, squeezing tightly. “Hi, honey,” he whispered against her cheek.  
  
Veronica turned her head, allowing her father’s lips to press against her forehead in a faint kiss and her jaw clenched as she was overwhelmed by the emotions that she had no energy or desire to identify or analyze at the moment.  
  
“You’re home,” she managed, her gaze turning back to her mother’s grave.  
  
“You finally came.”  
  
She nodded, her teeth clenching so tightly her jaw was beginning to hurt. “I don’t know what to do,” she finally admitted, feeling that quiver coursing from her voice down her back and to her toes.  
  
“Then don’t do anything.”  
  
Veronica felt her father squeeze her fingers in that comforting way he did when she was five and scared of the world. It seemed like a lifetime before she clutched his fingers back, and then her eyes closed.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Veronica jogged to the front door as another sharp knock reverberated through the apartment, Ace on her heels at the prospect of a new visitor. “I got it!” she called to her father, knowing full well if he was interrupted in his task, it would never get done.  
  
“Okay, okay,” she muttered to Ace, who attempted to jump on her legs as she opened the door. “Relax-” her eyes widened as Logan grinned at her. “Oh!”  
  
“And a good afternoon to you,” he glanced down at Ace, his smile growing as he squatted down, holding out his hand. “And this must be Backup the Second.”  
  
“Ace,” Veronica said swiftly, watching as Ace immediately took to Logan, jumping on his knees. “He’s not friendly.”  
  
Logan chuckled, rubbing the dog’s head. “Yeah, he’s about to rip my face off. Where’s Keith?”  
  
“Helping Harmony put up a bookcase in their bedroom.”  
  
He jumped to his feet, moving into the apartment as if it were his own. Veronica stood there stunned for a moment before shaking her head in disbelief, closing the door behind him. He glanced down the hallway. “Keith!”  
  
“Logan!” Came Keith’s reply from the bedroom.  
  
“Welcome back!” Logan said loudly, dropping his messenger bag on the couch. “Hey, Harmony!”  
  
“Hello, Logan!” Harmony shouted from inside the bedroom.  
  
Logan glanced at Veronica, a troubled look suddenly on his face. “When you say putting up a bookcase, they’re really putting up a bookcase, right?”  
  
Veronica’s face scrunched up in disgust. “God, yes.”  
  
“I’m so glad to hear that,” he paused, giving her a slight grin as he sank to the arm of the couch. “Before you ask, I’m here for lunch and am only staying for an hour. Your dad invited me.”  
  
“We only have turkey slices.”  
  
“I can handle a turkey sandwich.”  
  
“Still toasted?”  
  
“I’m firm with my sandwich choices.”  
  
Veronica nodded, glancing down at his shoes. Black leather, definitely Gucci. The pants he wore were probably just as expensive as the shoes and she knew he must’ve really loved his job. Appearance was key at Talk magazine and he clearly made an effort. She knew full well if Logan hated something, he just wouldn’t do it. The fact that he actually showed up to work and dressed perfectly each and every day spoke volumes.  
  
“How’s work?”  
  
Logan shrugged. “It’s going. How’s unemployment?”  
  
Her mouth twisted into a sardonic grin. “It’s going nowhere,” she allowed the silence to fall between them, biting on her lower lip. There was a lot she wanted to talk about with Logan, things having specifically to do with him. The disastrous job interview. That night by the pool. All of her questions about him and what had happened in her absence. Why he was being so secretive.  
  
Rather than voice any of those concerns, she settled on the subject that had been clouding her thoughts for several hours now. “I went to my mom's grave today.”  
  
Logan was silent for a moment, carefully watching her expression. He waited for her expression to shift into any sort of emotion and yet was unsurprised when that stony facade didn’t change. This was a direction he didn’t really want the conversation to go, but they were already there and he wasn’t about to ignore the topic when she had made the effort to talk about it. “You okay?”  
  
She shook her head, keeping her gaze on his shoes. “Not really,” she chuckled, giving him a shrug as she looked up at him. “I don’t know why I went to the...the place. Why I went there.”  
  
“Maybe you needed closure,” he mumbled, staring past Veronica at the wall behind her.  
  
“Maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t go when dad first called me...” she trailed off, laughing dryly. “I’m just five years behind on everything, huh?” he barely nodded, so she quickly continued. “It’s just weird. I was so mad...I didn’t want to see her, she did so- I needed to see her, and I don’t know why.”  
  
“Maybe you just needed time,” Logan said evenly and Veronica could see him start to drift away. It happened right then, his eyes just glazed over and it was a sudden shift. “It happens.”  
  
She nodded, rubbing her bare arms with her hands before hugging herself tightly. “Are you okay?”  
  
Logan blinked, glancing at Veronica and giving her a slight smile. “This just isn’t my area of expertise, you know. Talking about dealing with it, I mean.”  
  
Veronica flushed, nodding quickly. “I’m sorry for bringing it up...” she trailed off. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“No,” he sighed, rubbing his hands over his lap. “It’s not a big deal. Veronica, she was your mom. For better or worse. You needed closure and now you can move on, right? That chapter of your life is closed.”  
  
Veronica grinned before she could stop herself. “Logan Echolls: Therapist.”  
  
He smirked, glancing down at his lap. “Only a damaged little fucker could help another damaged little fucker out. That should be on a t-shirt.”  
  
“You should write about it.”  
  
“Maybe I will.”  
  
“Logan!” Keith exclaimed, wiping his hands on his jeans as he entered the living room. “How’s it going?”  
  
Logan grinned, jumping to his feet and following Keith into the kitchen. “Still alive.”  
  
Keith smiled, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a pitcher of iced tea. “Always good- get some glasses out of the cabinet for me.”  
  
Veronica lingered in the living room, watching as Logan pulled out four glasses and Keith set down the pitcher on the counter. They continued to make mindless chatter, Harmony walking into the room mid-conversation and joining in without hesitation. She watched as Harmony gave Logan a quick kiss on the cheek before going to wash her hands and Veronica never felt more out of place. “Need some help?” she asked loudly.  
  
Keith looked up at her, nodding at the refrigerator. “Grab that coffee cake out of there.”  
  
A couple of minutes later, the group sat at the table and once again the status quo prevailed- Veronica was almost ignored as her father, Logan, and Harmony discussed the flat screen television Logan was trying to get installed in Keith’s living room.  
  
“I’m just saying, Logan, I am never home and neither is Harmony,” Keith lowered his glass. “Who is going to be here when the guy comes?”  
  
Logan gestured at Veronica, not bothering to look at her. “Her! Listen,” he leaned forward. “High definition, crystal clear picture and sound...dude, your little noir movies are going to look awesome,” his smile faded abruptly. “Just accept my gift, you’re insulting me if you don’t accept my gift.”  
  
“Keith,” Harmony said with a laugh. “He’s giving us a gift- just accept it!” she lowered her voice. “I want to watch Dancing with the Stars in high definition.”  
  
Logan nodded, pointing at Harmony. “Listen to your woman, dude.”  
  
“Logan,” Keith said, sounding faintly annoyed. “I have no use-”  
  
“You were practically drooling all over it when we went to Best Buy that one time!” he leaned back in his chair. “Fine. I’ll be here when the guy arrives. Thank me when you’re watching the Sharks in high def.”  
  
Keith shook his head, barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “You’re wasting your money. Anyway,” he grinned at Logan. “How’s your latest column coming?”  
  
Logan sighed, leaning back in his seat. Immediately, his good mood has evaporated. “It’s coming. Slowly, painfully, ripped from my bones coming. Readers want to see more wit and advice, less schmaltz. You know what I mean.”  
  
Veronica felt the stupidly confused grin come upon her face before she could stop it and she lowered her fork, swallowing the last of her coffee cake. “What _do_ you mean?”  
  
Keith and Logan exchanged a glance and Logan quickly smirked, tapping his fingers on the edge of the counter. “You really should read my columns.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“It’s an sarcastic, witty, painful and yet utterly hysterically honest autobiography,” Keith offered, pouring Veronica another glass of iced tea. “Or so says the company wanting to publish his work.”  
  
Logan shook his head briefly. “They can’t offer me enough,” he mumbled.  
  
“You should,” Veronica spoke up, straightening in her seat. She felt herself flush as everyone’s eyes fell on her, and quickly continued. “Well, to be honest, you did write well in high school. If you got a degree in it, got better at it, you should be awesome, right?” Logan continued to stare at her as she continued. “You do this, you can be read internationally, possibly get a TV deal like that girl who wrote Sex and the City- there’s a market for this, Logan!”  
  
Veronica sighed anxiously. “Logan, you always do this. You underestimate yourself and you like staying in that little bubble of yours when you should be branching out and showing the world what you got. You have the talent, you just need the initiative. Do you realize you have no one around you to tell you the truth? All you have is people kissing your ass and no one to smack you upside the head- you seriously need a life coach or a handler or something...”  
  
Logan tilted his head to the side as Veronica continued to ramble out a list of his faults, a smile on his lips. Keith’s eyes drifted from his daughter to Logan and he glanced at Harmony, also watching the interaction between the two. She raised her eyebrows at Keith, and he smirked slightly. Like clockwork, those two always danced around each other.  
  
“I mean, you just float around and half-ass it all the time...you’re going to be stuck in a rut and it’s going to be no one’s fault but your own-”  
  
“Veronica,” Keith warned weakly.  
  
“Maybe I’m just happy where I am,” Logan finally spoke.  
  
“Or maybe you’re just comfortable where you are,” Veronica said firmly. “Get out of that safety zone and live a little.”  
  
“I’ve already lived.”  
  
“What- so now you’re dead? Come on, Logan- you can’t give me advice and then turn around and talk like that. And by the way,” Veronica continued, ignoring her father and gesturing at Logan’s face. “You _really_ need to shave that off.”  
  
Logan smirked, his fingers touching the side of his jaw. “You don’t like the stubble?”  
  
“I _hate_ the stubble.”  
  
“The ladies _love_ the stubble,” he countered swiftly.  
  
The frown was briefly on her face at his response. “I don’t care. I hate it with a passion.”  
  
Logan nodded briefly, picking up his fork with a flourish. “All right, then. I’ll shave it off tomorrow...” A pause. “If you hate it so much.”  
  
She nodded primly, taking a sip of her tea. “I do.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
Keith glanced from Veronica to Logan as the two started to ignore each other as a sudden awkwardness began to fill the kitchen, Veronica focusing on her cake and Logan on his fork. “So...how about those Sharks, huh?”  
  
Veronica decided to walk Logan to his car not for any specific reason, just because she wanted to get out of the house. She refused to acknowledge Keith’s look as she followed Logan out of the apartment, the neighborly gesture wasn’t anything major and nothing to have allowed such a “oh, I see” look from her father. It was just a walk.  
  
“Making sure I don’t get mugged?” Logan cringed. “I mean, it’s a horrible neighborhood and I’m wearing some classy clothes...I could get shot.”  
  
“I’ll protect you with my mad kung fu skills,” Veronica responded, smiling when Logan laughed. She hesitated as they reached his car, crossing her arms over her chest. “Listen, about the job interview the other day.”  
  
He shook his head. “Bren’s a hardass, V. I’m sorry I didn’t better prepare you for it,” he unlocked his car with the remote, opening the driver’s side door and throwing his bag inside. “Maybe next time you can get a better portfolio and blow her socks off. If you want-”  
  
“You didn’t even defend me,” she cut him off quietly.  
  
He was stunned at her response for a moment, gazing at her face for a long moment as he thought about her words. Finally, he shrugged, moving into the car. “I just thought you would stand up for yourself,” he muttered with a raise of his eyebrows. “It’s not my responsibility to make sure you come out of a job interview unscathed when you didn’t even bring your A-game, you know. I thought you were better than that,” he sighed, slamming the door shut without another word.  
  
Veronica’s brow furrowed as Logan started his car and pulled out of the parking spot. Something about his response threw her off. It wasn’t the blatant refusal to accept her accusation, it wasn’t the flippant way he had brushed her off- it was what he had said. He had, in not as many damaging words, repeated Brenda’s assessment of her. He had agreed with Brenda and his response just seconds ago confirmed it.  
  
She was a passive, weak waste of space and everyone knew it just by looking at her. They all couldn’t be any more wrong.  
  
Her jaw clenched as she turned, stomping back into her father’s apartment. She walked past Keith and Harmony and straight into her bedroom, waiting until Ace raced in to shut the door behind her. She moved to her closet, opening it up wide.  
  
Everyone had their own opinions and everyone was entitled to theirs but the idea that she was some weak, sad, pathetic person was one she couldn’t let slide. The Veronica that had existed nearly ten years ago was a ghost and she was going to get that power back if she had to kill herself doing so. No one was going to look at her with that faintly pitying look ever again. She was sick of that look.  
  
Veronica pulled out a pair of black slacks and a light blue tank top, throwing them on her computer table. Dropping to her knees, she dug through a clear plastic box on the floor, smiling triumphantly when she came up with a pair of black peep toe pumps. They weren’t Jimmy Choos, but they would have to do for tomorrow.  
  
She glanced up at the clothes she had lay on the desk as she stood, placing the shoes beside the hangers. With a frown, she searched her dresser, opening up drawers until she found the long blue silk scarf Duncan had bought her years ago and Lilly had “fixed” by making it into a fashionable head band of sorts. She threw the scarf on top of her clothes before moving to the desk.  
  
Her eyes traveled down to the floor before she leaned over, pulling out a thick cardboard box from underneath her desk. She opened the box, looking through the various items inside before coming up with a thick plastic folder. She opened it up, coming face to face with the various photographs she had hidden away as her life progressively got worse, then better, and back again.  
  
Pictures of Lilly laughing, Lilly on the beach, Lilly and Logan’s silhouettes on the beach taken on the roof of Duncan’s car, Lilly modeling various outfits, the ocean, the Kane family pool, her mother as she slept, a close-up of Wallace tying his lucky basketball sneakers, the list went on.  
  
With a heavy sigh, Veronica climbed to her feet, throwing the folder on the table. If Brenda wanted an impressive portfolio, she was going to give her one first thing tomorrow morning.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Getting into the Talk magazine building was a lot easier the second time around, Veronica noted as the elevator began its climb to the sixth floor. Luckily, it helped that she had decided to hold off her trip until late afternoon and Ella the receptionist was at lunch and replaced by an intern who didn’t know any better.  
  
Veronica glanced down at her outfit, silently reminding herself to stay confident. The tank top showed a bit too much skin for her liking and she knew she should’ve brought a jacket, but she refused to turn back now. Her hair was as wavy as she could manage, pulled back with the makeshift headband and she had on the biggest hoops she could find in her jewelry box. The shoes hurt her feet slightly, but she could put up with it for the time being. She could always drive home barefoot and buy a new pair later.  
  
As soon as the elevator doors opened, Veronica stormed down the hall straight for Brenda’s office, gripping her new and improved portfolio tightly. She walked into the office without knocking, ignoring the man standing there in front of Brenda’s desk.  
  
Brenda and the gentleman watched as Veronica threw her portfolio down on Brenda’s desk. “There’s your _passionate artistry_ ,” she said harshly. “Listen, you really pissed me off with your attitude.”  
  
Brenda’s brow furrowed in confusion, even as she reached across the desk, pulling the folder in front of her. “Excuse me?”  
  
Veronica huffed impatiently as Brenda flipped through the photographs. “My interview! You didn’t even give me a chance.”  
  
The man next to Veronica laughed dryly, shaking his head. “Is this a joke, Brenda?” he faced Veronica. “Who exactly do you think you are? You can’t just walk in here-”  
  
“Veronica Mars,” Veronica interrupted, giving the man a hard look. “I am Veronica fucking Mars and your boss here sucks,” she turned to Brenda, jabbing a finger at her. “I don’t have what it takes? You think you know me so well- do you know who I am? I’ve handled far worse than lollipop heads and walking coat hangers.”  
  
Brenda’s eyebrows rose at Veronica’s words before returning her attention to Veronica’s portfolio. “Have you really.”  
  
“Please. These people don’t scare me- they should instinctively _fear_ me because I will turn this place upside down if I see an opening. I will run circles around all these fucktards faster than you can spell my last name.”  
  
Brenda barely glanced at Veronica as she closed the folder and shoved it back in Veronica’s direction before turning back to her work, but Veronica could see a ghost of a smile on her lips. “You start Tuesday.”  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly, unsure if she heard this woman correctly. “Excuse me?”  
  
“Tuesday at 9am. You start as an intern for Razia.”  
  
“Good,” Veronica said breathlessly. She kept her cool even though triumph filled her and she wanted nothing more than to squeal or perhaps laugh in this woman’s face. “That’s fine.”  
  
“This isn’t a job offer,” Brenda said coolly. “Consider this a trial run since you decided to show _with_ a personality this time around,” she turned to the man still standing next to Veronica. “Leave.”  
  
Veronica smirked at the man who in turn glared at her as he walked out of the office and shut the door behind him. Less than a minute after being hired, she already had an enemy. The thought elated her more than she thought it would’ve.  
  
Brenda glanced at Veronica, looking her up and down. “Your pay will be minimal if and when you are officially hired, but Razia is one of the best so this should be an honor. Hundreds of men and women want your job, I wouldn’t take this offer lightly.”  
  
“Got it.”  
  
“Don’t disappoint me,” Brenda reached over, pressing a button on her phone. “Jenna, connect me with Logan Echolls.”  
  
Veronica relaxed slowly, her eyes on Brenda as they waited in silence. Brenda didn’t pay Veronica any mind, picking up her pen and writing something on a post-it note. She pulled the blue square off its pad, placing it on the corner of Veronica’s portfolio folder.  
  
“Hello, Queen of Sunshine,” came Logan’s voice over the phone.  
  
Brenda rolled her eyes, leaning back in her seat. “Logan, your recruit is on a trial run. I need you to take her to HR to fill out paperwork and down to fifth for her ID. I would have one of my interns do it but frankly, they have better things to do and I just know you’re sitting around and spinning in your chair.”  
  
“Wait- what?”  
  
A frown formed on Brenda’s lips. “I hope you’re not asking me to repeat myself.”  
  
Logan chuckled anxiously on the other end. “No, I understand- Veronica’s there?”  
  
“I thought I made that clear. Come get her.” With that, Brenda hung up on Logan. She glanced up at Veronica, motioning at the seat across from her desk. “Logan gets a bonus because you’ve been...hired, for lack of a better word. Five hundred just for getting you a job, imagine that.”  
  
Veronica took a seat across from Brenda, keeping her hands on her lap, refusing to let them curl into fists. “Yeah, I’m sure he needs the money.”  
  
Brenda smirked. “Green isn’t a good color for you, Miss Mars.”  
  
“I’m not jealous,” Veronica said with a laugh. “I’m just honest. He’s ridiculously rich. He doesn’t even need this job.”  
  
“But he enjoys it. We _all_ enjoy our jobs here at Talk,” Brenda leaned forward, an indescribable look in her eyes. “Consider this an opportunity and a privilege,” she paused. “And be grateful Razia decided to resign.”  
  
Veronica’s brow furrowed. “Why is she resigning?”  
  
“That’s none of your business. You’ll train with Razia until she leaves, then if I feel confident in your abilities, the job will be yours. If you play your cards right, there won’t be an issue.”  
  
There was a sharp knock on the door and Logan poked his head into the office. “Is everyone decent?”  
  
Brenda waved Logan in before opening up Veronica’s portfolio and pulling out her resume. “Like we discussed, Veronica is on a trial run in this department. She’ll need to get processed in HR before coming to work on Tuesday morning,” she glanced at Veronica. “You are to be fifteen minutes early every day if you wish to be prepared at precisely nine.”  
  
Veronica nodded. “Got it.”  
  
Logan took Veronica’s resume, giving Brenda a smile. “She melted your cold heart with a warm song, didn’t she?”  
  
Brenda wasn’t amused, gazing at him blankly. “She brought the goods. There’s the door.”  
  
Veronica stood, following Logan out of Brenda’s office. “Do I say thank you?” she whispered to Logan.  
  
“Just keep walking, don’t look back,” Logan muttered, waiting for her to join him in the hallway before shutting the door. He grinned, holding up his hand. “Someone brought their A-game, didn’t they?”  
  
She smirked, high-fiving him. “You hit a nerve, let’s leave it at that.”  
  
“My job is done, come on.”  
  
The trip to Human Resources and the paperwork that followed was rather uneventful. Veronica wasn’t sure of what she was expecting, but after all the drama and buildup over the job, she was looking for something more. The HR offices even looked like a regular office, it was like a separate world away from Talk magazine’s fantastical reality.  
  
Lowered expectations aside, when all was said and done Veronica was a new member of the Talk family, or as close as she would currently get. The red “INTERN” in bold on her laminated ID did nothing to help her confidence.  
  
Logan gazed at her photo ID as they walked across the lobby. “You’ve got dead eyes.”  
  
Veronica rolled her eyes, snatching the card out of his hand. “Shut up, I do not,” she shoved the card into her pants pocket, glancing up at Logan as they walked outside and into the afternoon sun. “Happy you got your bonus?”  
  
“Sure am,” he squinted back the sun’s glare, following her lead to her car. “Just do me two favors. Don’t fuck this up and,” he pulled out his wallet as they reached her car, pulling out several bills. “I know you have your own money, but I insist. Go get some real work clothes.”  
  
She shook her head at the sight of the hundred dollar bills, pushing his hand away. “Logan, stop. I can’t take your money.”  
  
He grinned. “You can and will. Consider this a loan.”  
  
“I’ll pay you back.”  
  
“I don’t need the money. Buy me a pet rock or something.”  
  
Logan’s smile faltered as he glanced over Veronica’s shoulder and she turned to see what had captured his attention. There was the elusive Razia closing the door of her white roadster, slipping her sunglasses on top of her head as she walked across the parking lot. Veronica smiled slightly as Razia slowed upon spotting them, her brow furrowing slightly.  
  
Logan exhaled beside Veronica, giving Razia a smile. “Hey!” he called.  
  
“Hi,” she called back but stayed put three cars away from the two. “How’s it going?”  
  
“Good!” he said weakly.  
  
She nodded, giving Veronica a brief smile before continuing her walk to the building. Veronica’s eyes followed, admiring Razia’s pink sleeveless dress for a moment before turning to Logan, who continued to stare at Razia’s retreating form.  
  
The intensity with which Logan gazed at Razia bothered Veronica. It wasn’t a nagging concern, but alarms were definitely blaring. Something had gone down between those two and Veronica knew she had to honor Logan’s wishes to respect his privacy. Despite this, the curiosity was just killing her.  
  
“Okay,” Veronica said abruptly. “At least give me her last name.”  
  
“Modi.” Logan seemed to snap out of his reverie then, giving Veronica a look. “No snooping.”  
  
“No snooping will be had. Is Razia her real name?”  
  
“Yes,” the look Logan gave her was surprisingly firm and closely resembled that warning glare Veronica had received from her father many, many times before. “ _No snooping_.”  
  
“Just tell me-”  
  
“Veronica,” Logan cut Veronica off with a laugh, opening her car door for her. “Look, just don’t, alright? She was an old girlfriend and let’s just leave it at that.”  
  
Veronica frowned, a sigh escaping her. “I really hate that you’re leaving me in the dark like this, you know. It’s killing me.”  
  
“It’s killing you because you can’t handle not knowing everything,” he grinned. “It’s not that big of a deal- I’m not asking you about your past relationships, right?”  
  
“Ask away!”  
  
“I don’t want to know!” he exclaimed. “It’s none of my business. Separate lives, remember?” his gaze softened, and he smiled at her. “Congratulations, intern.”  
  
She slowly grinned. “I’ll celebrate when this label is changed to _photographer_.”  
  
He nodded, glancing at the sky. “It will. I have faith...” he trailed off, his gaze shifting back to her. “I’m really glad you snapped out of your funk,” he said quietly.  
  
Veronica nodded, leaning against her car but not bothering to respond to Logan. She knew she was nowhere near out of that “funk” he was talking about, as that whole scene up in Brenda’s office had been a well-organized speech devised during her morning shower. A portion of her confidence had been found, but as she stood in the parking lot of this magazine that was really not her scene, she could feel that annoying insecurity of hers sneaking up and growing as Logan continued to stare at her.  
  
“I’ll see you around, Logan,” Veronica said finally, stepping into her car.  
  
Logan shut the car door for her, standing there for a moment as she started the vehicle. Then, abruptly, he leaned down and knocked on the driver’s side window. She lowered the window and he leaned over, a faintly anxious look in his eyes. “Listen, Veronica,” he started.  
  
Veronica buckled her seatbelt, glancing at him. “Yeah?”  
  
His lips pressed together tightly and he quickly grinned. “I’m glad we’re friends again.”  
  
She smiled back, slightly confused as he stood there looking somewhat confused and nervous. “Me too,” she paused as he continued to linger. “That’s it?”  
  
Logan nodded, straightening up. “I’ll see you later, then.”  
  
Veronica nodded, giving him a grin as she rolled up the window. He continued to stand there as she pulled out of her parking spot and she smiled as he waved to her awkwardly before turning and walking back to the building.  
  
As Veronica drove away from the Talk magazine building, Logan found himself glancing over his shoulder at her car. He wasn’t sure exactly what he had been about to say to Veronica or even if it was going to be something relevant or just another meaningless quip or insult, but something had stopped him. His gaze drifted to Razia’s Porsche and suddenly, he felt more lost than he had in years. Before he could dwell, he turned, walking back into the building.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Veronica wasn’t snooping. There was no snooping involved. She was respecting Logan’s wishes when he asked that she not pry into his private life.  
  
He didn’t, however, ask her to leave Razia’s family out of her inquiry.  
  
She started out easy, doing a safe search of Razia Modi’s family. A rather average search, even: “Razia” and “Modi family,” it was just that simple. She wasn’t snooping on Razia specifically, and definitely not Logan and Razia’s thing, so this was all fair game.  
  
She jumped as her cell phone rang and she scooped it up, praying it wasn’t Logan, just because she knew he would hear the guilt in her voice. She sighed in relief at the sight of her father’s ID, quickly answering. “Hey! Enjoying dinner?”  
  
“Yeah,” her father said on the other end and she frowned at the weakness in his voice. “Veronica, I’m not feeling so well- do you mind getting an ice pack in the fridge for when Harmony and I get home?”  
  
Veronica straightened up in her chair, her brow furrowing. “Are you okay?”  
  
“Yeah, honey, I’m fine. Just not feeling so hot. Don’t worry about your old man, Harm and I are just finishing up...” he trailed off, sighing wearily. “Just do that for me, okay?”  
  
“Do you want some soup?”  
  
“Just the ice pack. Talk to you later, honey.”  
  
“Okay...” she trailed off, frowning as her father hung up on her. She shook her head, turning back to her laptop. Her father sounded tired and she hoped that he and Harmony decided to get home before he strained himself further.  
  
Her eyes fell on the search page she had created, her mouth dropping at the first name that popped up. Randy Modi, the painter. Randy Modi and his wife, former model Penelope Howard have three children: Jude, Razia, and Sonali. She blinked, shaking her head. This couldn’t possibly be the same Randy Modi whose painting hung in Logan’s living room. The painting that Randy Modi’s daughter had given to him.  
  
She suddenly gasped, remembering the face in that painting. It was clearly, obviously Razia’s face in that painting. A younger, teenage Razia, but definitely Razia. “Oh, holy shit.”  
  
Veronica licked her lips, trying to think clearly. So Razia Modi’s father just happened to be one of the most influential painters of the last thirty years. Her mother was a model and photographer whose poses Lilly herself had copied in various pictures. She had grown up in this successful, insanely rich family and it suddenly made sense why Logan would’ve been drawn to her.  
  
She chewed on her lower lip, tapping on the edge of her desk. It wasn’t snooping if she just looked into Razia’s sister’s history. There was no snooping at all- it had nothing to do with Razia and she was still respecting Logan’s wishes.  
  
A quick search of Sonali Modi pulled up a Facebook that hadn’t been updated in over a year and which was swiftly hacked into. Sonali actually went by Sonia and she was nineteen years old and a student of The Eastman School of Music in New York. She was a cellist. She had a hip black bob and glittery eye makeup in her profile picture.  
  
Veronica clicked on Sonia’s photo album and pulled up several categories. Concerts, The World, Friends, and Family. With a frown, Veronica clicked on the “family” album, quickly going through the pictures inside.  
  
The Modi family appeared to be your typical hipster family, whose lives Sonia kept in pictures. Randy Modi was a handsome man originally from India, who married Penelope from England and they settled in Brooklyn, New York. Wedding pictures, childhood photographs, and Sonia’s own commentary told the story.  
  
Before Veronica could find herself too envious over this seemingly perfect, attractive, and wealthy family, her attention was captured on a photo near the bottom of the page. There was Logan with Razia, sitting on a couch between her and a younger-looking Sonia. His arm was wrapped around Razia’s waist and she wore a pageboy hat as she flashed a peace sign at the camera. Sonia’s commentary was simple: _Me and Zee and Hollywood_.  
  
Logan was apparently comfortable enough with Razia’s family that he had a nickname with her sister.  
  
Veronica gazed at the photograph for a long moment, her eye drifting to the date it was uploaded. July 3rd, 2012. Logan had been with this woman at least two years ago and long enough to be featured in her sister’s photo album.  
  
There was one last picture after that one. A toddler in a pink swimsuit at dusk, standing in a plastic kiddie pool and holding on to a bright blue glow stick. Her brown hair was in pigtails and she wore large sunglasses with white frames that were too big for her face. Again, the commentary was short and sweet: _Mia the Diva rocking the 4th_.  
  
The child was cute and she stood next to who had to be Jude, Razia and Sonia’s brother. The kid had to have gotten her mother’s looks.  
  
Veronica jumped as her cell phone rang again and she blinked, glancing at her watch, her eyes widening. An hour. She had been snooping into Razia’s family for an hour. She quickly clicked off the window before the guilt could hit her and she answered her cell phone. “Dad, shouldn’t you be driving home right about now?”  
  
“Veronica, it’s Harmony.”  
  
Veronica’s smile faded at the sound of Harmony’s shaky voice. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Your dad had a heart attack. We’re on our way to the hospital- just meet us over there. Please.”  
  
Something shut off in Veronica’s head, she could almost feel the wheels turning as her mind was closed off and emotions were compartmentalized just so she could function. “How is he?”  
  
“He...he’s fine. I think. He’s sedated. But fine. I think- Veronica, please, just meet us there.”  
  
“Okay,” Veronica said absently, closing her laptop. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Before Harmony could respond, Veronica had hung up on her, staring at her lap. She swallowed hard, replaying Harmony’s words and her brief conversation with her father in her head. Then suddenly, bizarrely, she thought about the day at her mother’s grave and a shudder ran down her spine.  
  
She inhaled sharply, jumping to her feet and rushing for the front door.  
  
  
 ** _Seven Years Ago_**  
  
Keith was just about halfway done with Logan’s autobiographical essay when he realized that Logan had severe daddy issues. And possibly some abandonment issues. There was a certain detachment with his writings and Keith would’ve said it was half-assed had he not known better. Daddy issues practically radiated off of Logan but the red flags from this “Everything I Learned...” paper made it so much more worse.  
  
Punishment for being bad, unnecessary for mommy to step in but it would’ve been appreciated, never ever the sister, remember to lock the door, never wear belts.  
  
He lifted his gaze, glancing at Logan. Logan didn’t even seem to look alarmed or nervous. He just continued to sit there, chewing on his gum and looking bored. “It’s interesting.”  
  
Logan shrugged. “Think I’ll pass?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Keith said honestly, setting down the paper. “Did you think it through?”  
  
The boy flushed slightly. “I kind of rushed through it...it was due this morning. I just wrote whatever and handed it in- did you check my grammar? Dude’s a total grammar Nazi.”  
  
“Did your dad abuse you and your mother, Logan?”  
  
Logan’s jaw set and Keith could see the exact moment Logan started to shut down and block him out. “The essay’s about things I learned as a child. It’s supposed to be funny or something.”  
  
Keith sat there silent for a long moment, at a loss for words. He didn’t have the heart to tell Logan that the essay wasn’t even morbidly funny, that at the very least, his professor might make him visit the campus counselor. “You spoke of your mother fondly.”  
  
“She did her best,” Logan said shortly, jumping to his feet. “I should’ve been nicer.”  
  
Keith stood, watching as Logan snatched the paper from off the table, shoving it in his bookbag. “Are you staying for dinner?” he asked Logan quietly.  
  
“Aren’t you having Harmony over or something?”  
  
“I don’t think she cares if you stick around.”  
  
Logan grinned wryly. “I don’t need a family meal. They make me all edgy...my dad hated them. Always ended in me being a smartass and ruining it for my mother. So, no thank you, bad memories aside.”  
  
Keith sighed, leaning over and grasping Logan’s wrist. “It’s not your fault, Logan.”  
  
Logan smiled uncomfortably, tensing under Keith’s hold. “What, is this your Good Will Hunting moment?”  
  
“Knock it off,” Keith said quietly. He could see it clearly now- Logan definitely wasn’t used to any sort of affectionate touch from a male figure, he had almost immediately stiffened when Keith got close. Logan couldn’t wait to get away from him. “It really wasn’t your fault. None of it.”  
  
“Matt Damon really rocked the shit out of that,” Logan said with a laugh that could only be described as anxious. “Maybe I should write a script-” he continued with a grin.  
  
“Your mother loved you, Logan.”  
  
Logan jerked his arm away, giving Keith a hard glare. “Don’t touch me,” he said through gritted teeth. “Don’t fucking touch me.”  
  
Keith’s head dropped, defeated, as Logan stomped toward the front door. “Logan!”  
  
“Don’t talk about my mom ever again,” Logan snapped, not waiting for a response before slamming the door behind him.  
  
  
 ** _Now_**  
  
A heavy sigh escaped Veronica as she shifted in the hard waiting room chair, watching as Harmony took another phone call. Two hours in the emergency room and Harmony had spent most of that time either running in and out of Keith’s room or taking phone calls. Her father and Harmony had a lot of friends.  
  
Veronica had made only one phone call and left a brief message. There was no point in dwelling and stressing out. She wouldn’t allow herself to, even as her heart continued to pound.  
  
Harmony laughed weakly, lowering her head as she listened to the person on the other end of her call. “Yes, I’ll tell him. You know Keith- not even a heart attack would keep him from working!” her smile faltered as she fell silent. “He has to be.”  
  
Veronica swallowed hard, trying to ignore the anger that raged in her over the fact that she should’ve been the one being consoled by people, not Harmony. She crossed her arms, reminding herself that Harmony was emotionally involved as well. Actually, Harmony was a nervous wreck. She knew she had to stop being bitter and weird towards Harmony and she definitely knew she should’ve said or done something to try to ease both of their anxiety.  
  
Still, she sat there, watching as Harmony took another phone call.  
  
“Veronica?”  
  
Her gaze lifted, falling on Harmony’s pale face. “Yeah?”  
  
Harmony nodded down the hall, shoving her cell phone in her pocket. “Do you want to see him? He’s sleeping, but you could just check in.”  
  
Veronica quickly shook her head, glancing down at her lap. “No. No, I can’t.” That was the truth, at least. She couldn’t see her father in that hospital bed with those wires and tubes attached to him. She had faced the reality of his mortality too often in her lifetime, yet she couldn’t bring herself to walk in there without the certainty that she would be calm and he would be perfectly all right. He wasn’t dead, this was all just a setback.  
  
Her father wasn’t dead, she had to keep telling herself that.  
  
Harmony’s mouth set in a thin line, yet she nodded. “I’ll tell him you dropped by,” she said shortly, turning and walking down the hallway to Keith’s room.  
  
Veronica slouched down in her seat, enjoying the brief moment of quiet. Her eyes closed, refusing to think about anything negative- her father wasn’t dead. He definitely wasn’t dead.  
  
Her eyes opened as she heard the automatic doors open and she looked up, her breath catching at the sight of Logan walking down the hallway. He glanced around the waiting area, obviously looking for her. She stood, and Logan immediately spotted her, rushing for her.  
  
Veronica inhaled sharply as Logan opened his arms slightly, allowing him to embrace her. She hesitated for a long moment before resting her hands on his waist in an almost detached hug. “I’m glad you’re here,” she mumbled against his shirt.  
  
“I got here as soon as I could- I was at a meeting. How is he?” he asked softly.  
  
“Sleeping. But fine,” she lifted her head, giving Logan a weak smile. “He’ll be fine.”  
  
Logan nodded, glancing over his shoulder. “Where’s the doctor?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
“Let’s find them.”  
  
It took almost an hour to locate Keith’s doctor and to Veronica’s horror, she began to drill Veronica on Keith’s medical history, questions she was ashamed to admit she didn’t know the answers to. After about five minutes of the incessant queries, Logan finally stepped in, asking some questions of his own. Veronica was sure she should’ve jumped in but found herself unable and unwilling to, numbly allowing Logan to take over, allowing Logan to ask all the questions she wanted to.  
  
Veronica couldn’t even muster up surprise at the sight of Logan quietly paying off whatever hospital bills her father was sure to have. Logan didn’t even blink an eye, just signed on the dotted lines and handed over his black American Express like he was buying dinner. Whatever remaining shock over this new Logan was fading away as Veronica’s gratitude over his presence slowly pushed her doubts aside.  
  
When Logan was done filling out paperwork and had placed his credit card and driver’s license in his wallet, he turned to Veronica and gave her a warm smile, shoving his hands in his pocket. “How about some stale meatloaf and rubbery jell-O?”  
  
Her jaw clenched and she quickly shook her head, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. “I just want to go home.”  
  
His smile faded. “Are you sure? Your dad-”  
  
“Logan,” she interrupted sharply, finally looking up at him. “I can’t be here.”  
  
Logan nodded, gesturing for the exit. “Let’s go, then.”  
  
Veronica’s car was left in the hospital parking lot and she allowed Logan to drive her back to the apartment. Everything was in a haze and she could vaguely recall him sitting her on the couch before taking a phone call. He stepped outside and she was left alone, blankly watching some direct-to-cable movie starring some no-name actor.  
  
After what seemed like a long while, Logan appeared back in the apartment, closing and locking the door behind him. “I just spoke to Harmony,” he said quietly, taking a seat beside Veronica. “Keith’s still doing alright. He asked for you, so we’ll go visit first thing tomorrow morning.”  
  
She swallowed, feeling how dry her throat was. “You have to go to work.”  
  
“Already called out.”  
  
She watched as he unbuttoned his shirt, opening it as he relaxed on the couch. He pulled his undershirt out from his pants, kicking off his shoes as he picked up the remote, lowering the volume on the TV slightly. “I’m scared,” she said tersely, her jaw clenching before she could elaborate further.  
  
Logan silently took her hand in his, resting it on his knee. “He’ll be fine,” he said, nodding once. “Don’t worry,” he licked his lips, his eyes falling on his hand over hers. “Listen, don’t tell Keith I paid for his bills, okay? He’ll never shut up about it.”  
  
“I won’t say a word.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
Veronica kept her hand under Logan’s as he watched the movie on the television, and she watched as his fingers lightly dragged over hers and over her palm. She didn’t want to think about all the possibilities of her father’s current situation and she was grateful that Logan didn’t press her to share her feelings. He was worried, she could tell, but he kept to himself, eyes on that stupid movie.  
  
Her eyebrows rose as the next movie began to play, some soft-core film with equally cheesy music and she could feel Logan’s grin against her temple as he picked up the remote from her lap, changing the channel. “Juno, it is,” he said, unable to keep the amusement from his voice.  
  
It wasn’t until Juno was giving birth that Logan found Veronica’s hand again, touching but not squeezing as he finally admitted, “I’m think I’m scared, too.”  
  
Veronica closed her eyes, resting her head on his shoulder. “He’ll be fine,” she mumbled, more to herself than to him. “He has to be.”


	8. Chapter 8

Keith watched with a faint annoyance as Veronica rushed about his room, leaving behind a trail of blonde hair and perfume every time she passed. First thing that morning she had burst into the room, waking him and Harmony up with two cups of coffee. Luckily, Harmony needed the boost before working an early shift at the gallery. Unluckily, that meant Keith was stuck with Veronica and her anxiety until _she_ went to work.  
  
It wasn’t that she was helping that was bugging him. It was the fact that she was helping so much. She had practically pushed Harmony out of the care giver role and took over and after an almost ten year absence, he was certain she didn’t have the right to do that. Keith knew why Veronica was suddenly willing to play nurse- she was feeling guilty for not visiting him in the hospital, Logan had told him that much. This whole “Nurse Veronica” bit was overcompensating for that guilt and he felt like he was suffocating. After all that time of having to pretty much fend for himself without Veronica looking after him, this was a daunting change.  
  
He exhaled in relief as Veronica dashed out of his bedroom, Ace running right behind her. He took the moment to enjoy the silence and calm that came with her departure, but as soon as it had come it was gone with Veronica moving back into the room, now with a tray.  
  
Veronica set down the tray on Keith’s lap with a smile. “Okay. So, here’s your breakfast,” she gestured at the tray. “Some grapefruit, a glass of water, and a croissant, courtesy of the nice folks at Chasm. Carmen said she will deliver your lunch of fish, salad, and mango juice today at exactly one o’clock, so be sure to answer the door,” she pointed to his bedside table. “I’ve given you enough magazines and books to keep you busy. Before I go, I’m going to make you some tea-”  
  
“Veronica,” he cut her off with a sigh. “I had a heart attack, I’m not an invalid. Thank you for the food, but I think it’s time for you to go to work.”  
  
She shook her head. “I still have a half hour. I think you should...” she trailed off at the raise of his eyebrows. “What?”  
  
“If I am bored, I will walk to the living room and watch TV with Ace sitting on my lap and the phone next to me. If I want to take a nap, I have the couch or my bed, and I’ll even take my medication with me wherever I go. I promise.”  
  
“Dad, I just don’t want you to-”  
  
“Honey,” Keith interrupted firmly. “I will be fine, I don’t need you to coddle me. The doctor said I just need to take it easy.”  
  
Veronica straightened up, crossing her arms over her chest. “I want to help.”  
  
He nodded. “I understand, but you have other priorities right now. Ashley said she would come over after school to help me; and Harmony will be home at five. You have to go to work. Go finish getting dressed before Logan comes.”  
  
“Dad,” she said, blinking rapidly with frustration. “I don’t have to carpool with Logan. I’ll send him on his way and I’ll take care of you-”  
  
“Finish up before Logan comes and you keep him waiting,” Keith grinned as though Veronica hadn’t spoken, picking up his spoon. “Don’t worry about me, I’m going to enjoy my grapefruit.”  
  
“I don’t want you to be alone,” she said urgently. “Just in case.”  
  
There was a loud knock at the front door and Keith nodded. “He’s early.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes widened and she exited the bedroom, rushing for the front door. She flung the door open, giving Logan a grin. He smiled back, holding up a bag and her eyebrows rose. “What’s that?”  
  
“I figured you were going to forget to eat so here’s a bagel,” he glanced down at her outfit of black cropped pants and a dark green short sleeved Oxford shirt before gesturing at his green tie. “Hey, we match.”  
  
“Small world. Come in,” she said, taking the bag from him. “Thanks. I just have to finish my makeup and then we can go.”  
  
“Yeah,” he poked her shoulder before pointing at his cleanly shaved face. “See, I listen to you.”  
  
She gave him a bright smile. “Much, much better. Be right back.”  
  
He watched as she rushed to the bathroom. “Put your hair down, it looks better down,” he called after her before heading down the hallway to Keith’s bedroom, her heels clacking on the hardwood floor. “Morning!” he exclaimed, walking inside.  
  
“Good morning,” Keith gave Logan a smile. “She’s driving me crazy.”  
  
“She’ll be gone in five minutes and you know you love it,” Logan leaned against the doorframe. “How are you?”  
  
“Better. Glad to be home and resting.”  
  
“Taking your meds?”  
  
“Of course,” Keith’s brow furrowed. “Wait a minute, when did you kids start taking care of _me_?”  
  
“It’s the circle of life, Keith,” Logan glanced over his shoulder. “Veronica, it shouldn’t take you an hour to put on eye shadow!”  
  
Veronica shot him a glare as she moved out of the bathroom, her purse thrown over her shoulder. “Excuse me, I was in there for a second and since you’re bitching, I’ll do my makeup in the car.”  
  
“Have a nice day, honey,” Keith said, giving her a grin. “You’ll be great.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re happy to get rid of me- do not strain yourself, I’m going to text you every hour and you better respond,” Veronica faced Logan, nodding at the front door. “Let’s go.”  
  
Logan gave Keith a smile before following Veronica to the door. “So you’re putting on makeup in my car, huh? Just like old times.”  
  
“Don’t get excited, I just have to do my lipstick and mascara.”  
  
“I’ll be sure to hit those potholes.”  
  
She glanced over her shoulder, giving him a tight smile. “Funny!”  
  
He laughed, holding the door open for her. “You got some gloss? I want to sparkle for the big meet and greet,” she rolled her eyes, ignoring him, and he continued. “How about some eyeliner? Blue? I want to bring out my eyes.”  
  


* * * * *

  
  
“My name is Harrison, I am the Editor-in-Chief of this operation. You can call me Harry.”  
  
Exactly thirty seconds into the big company meeting at Talk and Veronica already felt like public enemy number one. Word had apparently gotten around amongst the new interns that she had been chosen as Razia Modi’s intern-slash-assistant and she could now feel the looks coming from the new hires standing around her.  
  
Logan stood behind his boss Harrison, next to Leon and Razia who stood out in her white sleeveless turtleneck dress with a bright red belt. He leaned against the large dry erase board, looking just bored out of his mind as Razia smiled brightly at a weak joke Harrison made. She glanced over her shoulder at Logan, swiping at his arm when she noticed he wasn’t paying attention.  
  
Despite the passive aggressiveness radiating from the other new employees and the slight interaction going on between Logan and Razia, Harrison’s deep, positive voice was soothing to Veronica as he had a genuine smile that she appreciated. However, he also continued to talk and talk and that paired with his smooth voice, had the exact opposite of keeping Veronica alert. He went through the motions, telling the new hires of Talk’s history and Veronica felt herself zoning out just as Logan had.  
  
A snicker caught Veronica’s attention and she glanced over her shoulder, spotting two blonde girls right out of college giving her the evil eye. Her mouth set into a thin line as she turned back to the big boss, straightening her posture confidently. A bunch of bitchy girls weren’t about to get to her.  
  
Harrison stepped to the side, gesturing with a smile at the group of over thirty people that stood behind him. He had a shaved head, trimmed goatee, and strong build that made him look like he could be on the Talk magazine cover himself- much like the majority of people who worked there.  
  
“And this is my all-star, award-winning team. I’ll just introduce you to the VIPs or, rather, the ones you actually care about,” he winked at the newbies, getting laughs out of them and Veronica managed a smile. “Just trying to spare you all since you’ll be doing individual orientations later.”  
  
He placed his hand on the shoulder of a tall blonde with a pixie cut. “Stacey Jacobson, she is located on the seventh floor and is our music scout. You all probably know her from Rolling Stone magazine. If your question isn’t music-related, then leave her the hell alone. She’s busy trying to score that U2 interview in time for Christmas,” he moved down the line, pointing at a pretty black girl with a chic bob. “Trisha Hamilton, our Jill of all trades in research. You need answers, she’ll get them for you for a price and her reward of choice are Marlboro Lights.”  
  
Harrison paused, giving Logan a look. Logan raised his eyebrows innocently, which got a considerable amount of giggles from the girls behind Veronica. Veronica smirked, rolling her eyes.  
  
“Logan Echolls,” Harrison intoned. “Our resident rambling Hollywood spawn-slash-bad boy gone good, he’s also one of the reasons I have a bottle of Pepto-Bismol in my desk.” Another round of laughter and Veronica managed another weak smile. Harrison pointed at the group of interns Veronica was currently in the middle of. “He’s not here for photo ops or to answer your disrespectfully intrusive questions, he’s here to work. Make him uncomfortable and I make you uncomfortable,” he turned, giving Logan another look before facing the group. “Likewise, he’s not here to _date_ so if you want one you are to do so after work hours.”  
  
Veronica felt herself zoning out as Harrison continued to introduce the rest of the VIPs of the Talk squad, going through entire departments in a rapid fire pace. Her gaze drifted to Logan and it took her a moment to realize he was staring right back at her. She blinked, giving him a tightlipped smile which turned into a genuine one when he winked at her. She turned back to Harrison, ignoring the whispering going on behind her.  
  
“Photography!”  
  
Veronica perked up, inching just a bit closer to the front. Razia and Brenda stepped forward, along with a tall man with piercing eyes.  
  
Harrison rested his hands on Brenda’s shoulders. “Brenda Mahoney is your Big Brother for the duration of your stay, and I will be honest, most of you will not be here come the new year,” he grinned at the new hires. “She’s a tough boss, so get a thick skin or get out.”  
  
He pointed a long finger at a tall, built man with dirty blonde hair. “Mark Stevens, Brenda’s right hand.”  
  
Mark managed a thin smile, waving half-heartedly at the group, and Veronica’s eyes widened as she recognized him as the man Brenda had kicked out of her office when she had showed up with her new portfolio. The guy that had given her that death glare.  
  
“When she says no, he’s the guy to go to and beg for a reprieve.”  
  
Great.  
  
Harrison reached out, gently taking Razia’s hand and holding it up. “Razia Modi, our resident lead photographer. She is your guru and like Mr. Echolls, not here to answer rude questions about her personal life. And, like Mr. Echolls and our other attractive employees, she is not here to reject your advances, gentlemen.”  
  
Veronica gaze drifted to Logan, noticing how his eyes subtly lingered on Razia as Harrison talked and continued to sing her praises. In an instant, the moment was gone and Logan was back to looking as bored as humanly possible and Harrison moved on to the next person down the line.  
  
Veronica glanced down at her phone as it started to vibrate in her hands, checking the text that was just sent to her. Rita. _Want 2 eat lunch @ Chasm w Dick & me @ 1?_ Veronica smiled slightly at Rita’s message, just a bit thrown off by the sudden invite. Before she could find a reason to decline, she responded with a “sure” and quickly closed the phone.  
  
As soon as the meeting ended, Logan began to make his way toward Veronica and was cut off by an oblivious Razia, who pointed at Veronica as she approached. Veronica felt a slight panic grow in her as Razia got closer and Logan promptly turned and walked out of the conference room, giving neither of them a second glance.  
  
“Veronica Mars,” Razia said loudly, clapping her hands once as she stopped in front of Veronica. “Ready to dance?” she glanced over Veronica’s shoulder at the other smiling photography interns. “Hello, you guys are with Brenda,” she cringed playfully, pointing over her shoulder at Brenda.  
  
A smile perked on Veronica’s lips as the interns moved past Veronica and shot not so subtle glares at her. Her list of enemies was growing by the minute and it was refreshing. “I’m ready,” she said, facing Razia.  
  
“I knew that you would be,” Razia turned and started walking to the exit. She glanced over her shoulder at Veronica. “Are you my shadow?”  
  
Veronica frowned, confused. “Your what?”  
  
Razia shrugged before continuing her walk. “I don’t see my shadow...”  
  
Veronica cringed, starting after Razia. From behind, Veronica could understand why Logan had continuously stared. Razia was all curves and legs and hair, her walk was calm and confident- any guy would’ve ogled her. What Veronica had noticed most of all was her eyes- dark, intense, and expressive, just like Logan’s. Veronica was growing less and less sure of herself by the minute. She just hoped Razia wasn’t anything like Logan.  
  
“Now,” Razia started as they walked down the hallway. “I won’t need you every day. Some days I’ll just need the help and I’ll give you a ring, so you need to give me your cell number. I set the date for photo shoots, the company sets the times, so when it so happens that there is a shoot, you’ll get a memo even though you’ll probably hear from me first.”  
  
Razia stopped in front of a door, holding it open for Veronica. “There’s stuff I’m forgetting, I’m sure, but I haven’t done this before, so whatever,” she glanced at Veronica. “Before we do anything, I need to stop at my apartment.”  
  
Veronica walked into the room, blinking at Razia’s rapid fire one-woman conversation. “What?” she watched as Razia walked hurriedly to a large cabinet, opening it up and pulling out a tan bag. “Why are we going to your apartment?”  
  
“I forgot my prints.”  
  
“Won’t we get in trouble?”  
  
Razia chuckled, turning around and facing Veronica with a confused furrow of her brow. “Why would I get you in trouble?”  
  
Veronica shrugged, growing uneasy by Razia’s question. There were so many ways to answer that question, just from knowing how mean and spiteful girls could be. She didn’t know Razia at all, but that had never stopped anyone from hating Veronica, so she didn’t really see why Razia would be any different. “For a laugh?”  
  
“Misery isn’t my ideal outlet for comedy but if you want, we’ll find a Boy Scout and throw eggs at him,” Razia winked at Veronica, nodding to the door. “Let’s go.”  
  
Less than ten minutes later, Veronica felt like she was about to have a heart attack. Although the roads weren’t all that crowded, Razia chose to drive like a maniac, swerving and driving well over ten miles above the speed limit while Veronica had been clutching her purse tightly the entire time. To make matters worse, that wind from the speed and the driving had successfully ruined Veronica’s hair.  
  
“Am I going too fast?” Razia shouted over the wind and the music blasting from her radio. “Is this too fast?”  
  
“Just a tad!” Veronica said lightly, her eyes closing as Razia veered into the right lane. She only drove fast when she was in danger or on a chase. Always for work. Logan always drove fast and she had nearly killed him many times for his recklessness. She actually had more confidence in Razia, just for the simple fact that she wasn’t texting at the wheel or trying to figure out her CD player while nearly slamming into an SUV.  
  
“Sorry!” Razia pressed down on the brakes and Veronica snuck a peek at the speedometer. She was still going fifty in a residential zone. “I bet you’re used to this- I heard you were in the FBI.”  
  
“Word gets around.”  
  
“Yeah...Brenda told me. Logan told me, years ago.”  
  
Veronica glanced at her, whatever smile that had remained on her face now gone at the casual mention of Logan. “He talked about me with you?”  
  
“Oh, yeah, all the time,” Razia pulled into a parking spot in front of a tall building, putting the car into park. She unbuckled her seatbelt, giving Veronica a strained smile. “Look, Veronica, I know exactly who you are and I’m pretty sure you know who I am and trust me, this is probably as awkward for me as it is for you,” she let out a slight laugh. “Please tell me we don’t have to play dumb here.”  
  
Veronica held her hands up, shaking her head. “You’ll get no argument from me,” she said, almost grateful for the sudden confession. She had no idea what they would talk about and she was glad Razia brought it up before she could. “It’s out in the open.”  
  
“Thank God,” Razia’s smile faded slightly. “How did he approach you with the job?”  
  
“He just asked if I was interested. I moved back home and was jobless and...” she trailed off, growing uneasy by the indescribable look in Razia’s eyes. “Why?”  
  
Razia leaned back against the door of her car, eyebrows rising. “There’s rumors.”  
  
Veronica’s brow furrowed. “What kind of rumors?”  
  
“That you fuck for work.”  
  
“What?” Veronica exclaimed, letting out a laugh of disbelief before throwing her hands up. “Every. Single. Time!” she shook her head. “Do I really look like that big of a slut?”  
  
“No! And honestly, I figured as much because Logan wouldn’t trade goods for sex- so yes,” she gave Veronica a pleased smile. “Just another rumor started by a bunch of immature bitches who won’t be at Talk in five months.”  
  
Veronica couldn’t return the grin, a frown on her lips. “Who would say that? Logan and I are just friends.”  
  
Razia shook her head. “I wouldn’t stress. I overheard it in the bathroom and shut them down. They’re sullying not only your character but Logan’s as well and frankly, I hate gossip. It followed Logan around and it pissed me off.”  
  
“You and Logan were serious, huh?”  
  
A tight, halfhearted grin came upon Razia’s lips. “Sure. We were really cool for a bit...” she trailed off, sighing. “Okay, now that we’re cool and all that has been cleared, let me ask you something because it’s been bothering me for years now,” Razia leaned forward, gazing at Veronica intently.  
  
Veronica stared at Razia warily, no longer wanting to even start a new conversation. “What?”  
  
“Did Logan make you watch _Easy Rider_ over and over?”  
  
Veronica let out a groan, rolling her eyes and the previous conversation momentarily forgotten. “You have no idea!”  
  
Razia laughed, pointing at Veronica. “That and _The Hustler_! _A Streetcar Named Desire_. _The Third Man_. _Vertigo_. He loves his damn old school movies,” she glanced at her watch, cringing. “Okay, now I have to hustle before they notice we’re gone and we get in the trouble I promised not to get us into.” She opened the car door, stepping out before leaning down and giving Veronica a smile. “Stay here, I’ll be right back,” she said with a wink before shutting the door behind her.  
  
Veronica watched as Razia rushed into the apartment building, smiling at the doorman before running to the elevators. She couldn’t even begin to describe what emotions were running through her- she had expected to dislike Razia, to find something immediately wrong with her. Even with the awkward conversation and the highspeed race to the ridiculously rich part of Neptune, there was nothing to say, even as the questions continued to race through her mind.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
“I can’t hate her,” Veronica said matter-of-factly, glancing at Dick and Rita, who sat across from her as they shared a plate of pasta. “I’m trying, but I can’t. She’s unbelievably nice and smart and funny and she’s got these killer clothes and THIS is my competition.”  
  
Rita frowned, lowering her fork. “How is she your competition? You’re not throwing down over Logan.”  
  
“I don’t mean like that,” Veronica said with a sigh. “See, Logan and Duncan,” she glanced at Dick, who nodded. “They always compared- Logan would ask me the most random questions about Duncan before he went insane and set that stupid pool on fire. It’s like that.”  
  
Dick nodded again, glancing at Rita. “It’s only natural, babe. It’s a primal thing, if course Ronnie’s gonna want to rip the ex’s head off.”  
  
Rita glanced from Dick to Veronica, shaking her head. “But neither of them are fighting for Logan-”  
  
“It doesn’t matter!” Dick said loudly. “Veronica’s got to be the better, hotter ex. This has nothing to do with Logan. Nothing at all. It’s all about egos. And honestly, babe, you think I didn’t check out that ex-boyfriend of yours when we were at In-N-Out?”  
  
Rita gave Dick a bright smile. “You’re so much more hotter than Brandon.”  
  
Dick snorted, raising his eyebrows at Veronica. “I _know_.”  
  
“Okay, yeah, back to me-” Veronica eyed Dick, knowing full well if she was going to get a straight answer out of anyone, it was going to be Dick. “What’s up with Logan and Razia? He’s all secretive.”  
  
“Logan’s secretive about a lot of things to a lot of people, you’re not special,” Dick said shortly.  
  
Her eyes narrowed. “ _Why_ is he secretive?”  
  
He shrugged. “After getting shit on by the public for ten years, he finally said “fuck this” and tried really hard to keep everything private. If you even talk about stuff he doesn’t want you talking about with other people, you’re dead to him. We shouldn’t even be having this conversation right now.”  
  
Veronica laughed, slightly frustrated, as she threw down her fork. “And yet, he writes about said private life for some crappy magazine!”  
  
“Way harsh- that magazine is amazing,” Rita interjected.  
  
“Yeah, what’s wrong with you, Ronnie?” Dick said. “You’re in bitch mode today.”  
  
Veronica shot him a glare, picking up her fork again. “I’m always in bitch mode.”  
  
“At least you’re admitting it,” Dick muttered.  
  
“Look, whatever,” Veronica snapped. “Excuse me for not seeing the logic in protecting your private life when your damn job is to _talk_ about your private life.”  
  
“There is a difference between willingly sharing details and having people pry,” Rita said firmly, glancing at her watch. “Well, I have to get back to the school in about twenty minutes,” Rita said, giving Veronica a smile before touching Dick’s arm. “Let me borrow your car?”  
  
“I’ll drive you,” Dick said, throwing down his napkin.  
  
“No, you have to keep Veronica company.”  
  
Dick let out a short, dismissive laugh. “She has to go back to work.”  
  
Veronica smiled tightly, an uneasy feeling creeping inside her. It was like neither one of them wanted to hang out with her and the thought kept eating at her, but she did her best to remind herself that she was being paranoid. “No- Razia had to go pick up someone at the airport. I’m free.”  
  
“Okay, fine,” Dick said, an irritated tinge to his voice. “I just want to hang out with my lady for a couple of minutes alone and I was just too embarrassed to say so out loud.”  
  
Veronica could almost see Rita’s cool and composed facade melt as her eyes lit up and she wrapped her arms around Dick’s neck.  
  
“Aw, baby!” Rita cooed as they began to kiss.  
  
Veronica was close to gagging and quickly glanced down at her plate. “Okay, I’m done and you guys have to go,” she glanced up, noticing Dick and Rita were uninterrupted by her words. “Okay...” she trailed off, blinking rapidly as tongue began to enter the embrace between the two. “GO. Please, I’m about to vomit.”  
  
Rita laughed as she pulled away from Dick, jumping to her feet. “All right, we get the hint,” she leaned over the table, grabbing Veronica’s face and kissing her cheek. “We should hang again.”  
  
“Don’t give her an opening,” Dick said dryly, throwing a fifty down on the table. “She’ll use that as an excuse to fuck with me.”  
  
Veronica smiled brightly at Dick, ignoring his slight insult. “Have a great day doing nothing, Dick.”  
  
She continued to smile as he gave her a look, knowing full well he wouldn’t dare insult her in front of his nice, sweet girlfriend. Dick Casablancas might have changed enough to get himself a good girl, but she knew he wasn’t stupid. At least, not completely.  
  
Several minutes passed as she sat alone, watching customers walk in and out of the restaurant. She didn’t see anyone she knew, Carmen must’ve had the day off. Loneliness was a feeling Veronica was used to, she had more than her fair share of eating meals alone, and she could definitely survive it in the long run, but at the moment, she really wanted someone to talk to. For the first time in years, she allowed herself to miss Wallace.  
  
With a sigh, she picked up her fork, digging into her food glumly. She definitely didn’t want to go home. Her father was still weak, but that’s what Harmony was there for. She knew if she tried to help, she would overdo it and it would just annoy everyone, she could feel the tension the last time she tried to help, and she felt it that morning. Maybe being alone was her best bet at the moment.  
  
“People watching again?”  
  
“Logan!” Veronica exclaimed, turning around in her seat to face him. “What are you doing here?”  
  
Logan grinned, walking around the table and taking the seat across from her. “Leon invited me to lunch,” he glanced around the restaurant before pulling out his cell phone and checking it. “And the rest of the office decided to follow,” he leaned back in his seat, tapping the edge of the table. “How was the brutal tyrant?”  
  
“Brenda?”  
  
“Razia.”  
  
The shift in his voice didn’t go unnoticed by Veronica, but she continued. “She’s very...not a tyrant. Really nice. I like her.”  
  
He nodded shortly. “Good. I’m glad,” his gaze moved down to his cell phone. “She’s dating some guy in your department. Brenda’s right hand...Mark, I think his name is. He’s always around Brenda- I’ve never met him, personally.”  
  
She straightened up in her seat, suddenly aware of who Logan might be speaking of. “Tall guy, short light brown hair, air of arrogance?”  
  
Logan gave her a tight, humorless smile. “So I heard.”  
  
She nodded, her gaze shifting to a small, dark-haired child running past Logan’s chair, a sparkly ball in her hand. “Yeah, I’m sure he hates me,” she puffed out her chest proudly. “Got him kicked out of Brenda’s office when I got hired...”  
  
“Well, I’m sure he hates me too, so we can keep each other company.”  
  
Veronica was silent for a moment, watching his expression carefully as it remained frustratingly blank. Finally, she leaned forward, fixing an easy smile on her face. “Want to guess the latest rumor swimming around at our wonderful workplace?”  
  
“You fuck for work.”  
  
Her smile faded abruptly. “How did you know?”  
  
“I was in the elevator with a bunch of fashionistas from your department,” he muttered, glancing at her plate of food for a moment before lifting his gaze to hers. “Tact wasn’t their strong suit. I promptly shut them down and complained to Brenda,” his eyebrows quirked up in amusement. “Who says I can’t be an adult?”  
  
She was unable to hide the surprise in her voice as she spoke. “You were really that upset about it?” she asked, unsure if she really wanted to know the answer of what exactly he was so offended by.  
  
A quick shake of his head was his first reply. “I have a reputation to maintain and I _never_ fuck for work.”  
  
“What about me?”  
  
Logan smirked, averting her gaze by glancing down at her plate of food. “You’re a big girl. Stick up for yourself,” he cleared his throat, straightening up in his seat before leaning forward. “Listen, there’s this big, formal dinner coming up for the magazine. Expensive food, fancy wine, and designer dresses. The works.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes narrowed, impatiently shifting in her chair as she felt the same little girl hit the back of her chair with her ball. “What- are you bragging?”  
  
“No,” he said with a chuckle. “It’s some annual thing where we all get together and schmooze and congratulate each other on what a success we all are,” an anxious smile played on his lips then. “You wanna go?”  
  
She blinked rapidly, waiting for him to laugh or continue the joke. He didn’t, staring at her expectantly and in an almost apprehensive way, and she found herself leaning back in her chair in a weak attempt to get away from his gaze. “Like a date?” she asked slowly, preparing herself for his laugh.  
  
He didn’t, instead shrugging in a rather sheepish way. “I don’t know. Maybe. Like you’re a girl and I’m a guy date. Or as friends. If you want. Whatever you want.”  
  
Veronica didn’t respond, eying Logan warily. She was more than a bit weirded out by his sudden proposal. It had almost come out of thin air, along with the abrupt shift in attitude. As he continued to sit there, staring at her as she stared at him, she was convinced they were both crazy. “I thought we were friends?”  
  
“Friends can’t go out on dates?”  
  
She finally laughed, shaking her head. “Friends don’t kiss, which tends to go with the dating game.”  
  
His eyebrows rose. “I never said I wanted to kiss you. I just said I would like for you to go with me to a company dinner,” he paused, a smile on his lips. “Do you want me to kiss you?”  
  
“Oh, we’re not having that conversation,” Veronica muttered, lowering her gaze before he could see her begin to flush. “Your ego is big enough,” she picked up her fork to busy herself, moving the remainder of her salad around on her plate. “So, a company dinner, huh?”  
  
“You’re invited to begin with, but I figured we shouldn’t have to be dateless.”  
  
The little girl who had made the restaurant her personal romper room interrupted the conversation at hand when her ball bounced once, twice, before hitting the edge of the table. Veronica inhaled sharply, stifling the urge to shove the ball in her purse, but Logan bent over, catching the ball before it bounced away. He held on to it as the little girl approached and she stopped in her tracks, staring at him.  
  
Wordlessly, Logan smiled at the child, holding out the ball and she snatched it out of his hand, giving him a shy grin which turned into a giggle when he stuck his tongue out at her. She returned the gesture before running back to her family’s table.  
  
Veronica stared at Logan as he watched the little girl run off, a smile on his face. She gazed at him for a long moment, thrown off by his sudden shift in demeanor, the almost gentle way at which he handled the little girl. He had always been good with little kids, even when they had dated, but it was like a whole new person was sitting before her. She couldn’t process it. “You- you don’t have one of your little playthings to take?”  
  
Logan shrugged, turning his attention back to Veronica. “I would prefer to go with someone who gives good conversation,” he glanced down at his watch. “Don’t you have to get back?”  
  
Veronica glanced up at him, confused by the abrupt change in conversation. “Don’t you?”  
  
A smile crept on his face. “I’m a writer, I don’t need to be on time.”  
  
She bit back her grin, leaning forward. “I think I’m done for the day- Razia had to pick up someone at the airport.”  
  
Logan nodded. “Her sister.”  
  
“Why’s her sister in town?”  
  
“Razia’s birthday is tomorrow. She’ll be turning twenty-five.”  
  
Veronica’s eyebrows rose. This girl was younger than her. Only a year younger, but that was enough. She was younger than Logan. “So you were robbing the cradle, huh?”  
  
He laughed slightly. “I was twenty-one when we started dating. She was twenty. That’s not even close to robbing the cradle,” he paused, his eyes lighting up. “And you’re teasing me.”  
  
Her smile started to fade. “When did you guys break up?”  
  
Logan’s grin had nearly vanished now. “About eight months ago.”  
  
She blinked rapidly. “You were together for four years?” He didn’t respond, and she laughed, not knowing what else to do. “Well, good for you! I-I never had a relationship last...” she trailed off, shaking her head. “That long! Last that long. There was Garrison, but we never saw each other- that’s probably why we lasted that long-”  
  
“I don’t care, Veronica,” Logan said gently, but firmly. “Separate lives. Remember?”  
  
“We don’t have to be strangers, Logan,” Veronica muttered, leaning back in her chair. “We can talk about our lives without each other.”  
  
“Maybe I just want to compartmentalize.”  
  
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, pulling her bag onto her lap. “Well, I guess that’s my cue to skedaddle,” she said lightly, pulling out her wallet. “Don’t hurt yourself trying to get me to stay.”  
  
Logan remained seated although his gaze followed Veronica as she stood. “I didn’t tell you to leave.”  
  
“You’re not asking me to stay,” she said with a firm smile, throwing down a twenty. “Don’t feel guilty- I want to go home and check on dad anyway.”  
  
“We car pooled, how are you going to get home?”  
  
“I’ll take a cab!” she flung her bag over her shoulder, walking around the table. She stopped beside Logan, clutching her bag tightly as his gaze lowered to the table. “And I’ll go with you to the dinner.”  
  
He glanced up at her, his eyebrows rising in slight surprise. “Yeah?”  
  
Veronica shrugged, doing her best to seem as nonchalant as possible. It wasn’t a date. It was a rather ambiguous gathering of two people who _used_ to date. She was just keeping him company at an event she wasn’t sure he even wanted to go to. “Sure.”  
  
“Okay. Why don’t we meet up at my place at seven and we’ll go together?”  
  
“That’s fine,” she waited, unsure for what, as Logan continued to stare up at her. Finally, she nodded, smiling wryly. “Yeah...” she muttered, turning and walking toward the exit.  
  
Logan sat there for a moment before turning around, watching as Veronica exited the restaurant. His eyes lingered on her hair before drifting down to her back and down to her curves. His gaze held on her ass for a long moment before he turned back to the table, slouching down in his chair.  
  
A sigh escaped him as he tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling. “That was...fun,” he muttered to himself, his gaze shifting to the plates left on the table. He glanced over at the bar, gesturing at the waitress standing there to get rid of the plates.  
  
He didn’t exactly know what his problem was. The impulse had overtaken him and he had more or less asked Veronica out on a date with better results than he had anticipated. At this point, he didn’t know what he was expecting, or even why he had approached her to begin with. Perhaps it was better to avoid Veronica when she was on his mind, when he had fantasized about her the previous night.  
  
Logan’s willpower started going out the window the morning after Keith’s heart attack. Both he and Veronica had fallen asleep on the couch and he had awoken to find Veronica buried against his chest, her arm flung over his stomach and her shirt crumbled around her ribs, leaving her waist exposed. Instead of the dull indifference that he had expected, he had felt a sudden urge to touch the bare skin there, to see if it was as soft as he had remembered.  
  
He had slept with many women, but it had been eight months since someone that mattered had been pressed against him as Veronica had, and he had to admit he missed the feeling.  
  
Then, Veronica had let out this breathy moan that he had forever associated with the sound she had made whenever she was close to coming apart in his arms when they were alone and wrapped in each other. It had brought about all those long hidden memories of love but more specifically lust that had always come with remembering Veronica Mars. It had been agonizing and he had to go off into his mind to escape that place where he felt the least in control.  
  
Control was something he had learned, and yet wasn’t something he had mastered, judging by the way he had noticed Veronica’s cleavage in that shirt she was wearing, or the way Razia’s dress hugged her body. The way he had jerked off in the shower that morning, finishing but realizing that it wasn’t as good as the real thing.  
  
He just needed to get laid. It had been weeks, and he was getting antsy. He needed that specific release that came from sex.  
  
Logan’s gaze drifted around the restaurant, sizing up the women walking around, oblivious to his eyes on them. He hated to be predatory, but maybe that’s just what he needed to be. Select his prey and go for the kill. Get laid and get all those conflicting emotions out of his system.  
  
With a frustrated sigh, he returned his gaze to the table, knowing full well he didn’t want just some random, faceless person to pass the time. He also didn’t want to avoid the truth anymore. Eventually, Veronica was going to have to know everything, and he had to tell her before she found out on her own.  
  
He jumped as his phone started to ring and he pulled it out of his pocket, glancing at the ID. Time to fake it. With a grin, he answered the call. “Hey, baby!”  
  
 _ **Six Years Ago**_  
  
“Come on.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“No- come on.”  
  
Veronica shoved at Piz’s shoulders as she slid to a seated position on his lap, staring down at him with a frown. “What’s going on?” she asked abruptly.  
  
Piz grasped Veronica’s hips, straightening up in his seat. “What do you mean?”  
  
She glanced down at his lap, unable to keep the irritation from her voice. “You’re not even hard.”  
  
He slowly grinned, his hands running up her waist. “I’ll get there.”  
  
Veronica shook her head, moving her head out of the way when he attempted to kiss her. “It’s never taken you this long. Ever. We don’t have that much alone time to begin with, and now you’ve decided to find me unattractive-”  
  
Piz’s forehead dropped to Veronica’s shoulder and his eyes closed shortly, preparing himself for Veronica’s bitterly angry pity tirade, one he had unfortunately gotten used to in the past couple of months. “I don’t think you’re unattractive, Veronica. Not at all.”  
  
“Then what is it?” she demanded, pushing his hands away from her shoulders before he could start to rub them. “Now you don’t want to have sex with me?”  
  
“It’s not that-”  
  
“It’s been almost a month. It’s been almost a month and I finally have a weekend off and YOU’RE deciding to have a change of-”  
  
Piz had finally had enough and he pushed Veronica off his hips before jumping to his feet. The last thing he needed was another Veronica Mars verbal assault, a one-woman guilt trip of epic proportions that always left him confused and a little bit broken. “Maybe I’m just not in the mood,” he said, his voice rising to an uncomfortable level of annoyance.  
  
Veronica sat there, slightly stunned and looking rather idiotic with her mouth hanging open. Then, she seemed to remember where she was and what exactly was happening and she gathered herself together, her mouth twisting into a frown. “What’s going on, Piz?”  
  
He laughed, shaking his head as he turned toward their bedroom. “Nothing’s going on! I’m just not in the mood and you’re practically crucifying me.”  
  
“I’m not crucifying-” she cut herself off, letting out a laugh of disbelief. “Okay, listen. All I know is that we haven’t done as much as touch each other in a month, and when we finally get the chance to, you don’t seem to want to. That’s all.”  
  
“I’m just not in the mood.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
He faced her and she caught the roll of his eyes. “Tired, edgy, in need of a bath, hungry...”  
  
She managed a smile. “I can help you with the edgy problem.”  
  
Piz gave a swift shake of his head. “I don’t work like that, Veronica. Sex doesn’t cure my nerves.”  
  
Veronica’s shoulders started to slouch in defeat, but she quickly straightened herself, looking up at him. “Then what do you want from me, Piz?”  
  
“I want _nothing_ from you,” he said, giving her a hard look before walking toward their bedroom. “I just want a shower.”  
  
She watched him go, unsure of whether to continue their halfhearted fight or to try to smooth things over. She was shaken by his lack of desire for any part of her, not even a good argument. He had just wrote her off in the same way she could remember doing with Logan so many time before. She could feel the anger bubbling inside her and instead of voicing it, she sat there, waiting for her rage to subside. Finally, she settled on “Do you still want me to come to your show?”  
  
“Do whatever you want, Veronica,” he called back, pulling off his shirt. “I know you don’t really want to go anyway.”  
  
Veronica was quiet for a moment, considering what he had just said. Even if it were true, she had still been planning to go to show her support and yet now, she wasn’t even sure if he wanted her there at all. “I do want to go,” she started, but he had shut the door behind him.  
  
A faint smile perked on her lips when Backup made his way over, jumping on the couch to lay his head on her lap. She absently rubbed his back, gazing at the dark television across the room. “Just you and me, boy,” she muttered, listening as Piz turned on the shower.  
  
Piz never returned to the living room that night and Veronica took that as a sign that she was sleeping on the couch yet again. After days turning into weeks, it had become routine and Veronica wasn’t exactly sure if she was disappointed in this not-so-new development. She was starting to suspect her dog was better than the cold shoulder she was getting from her boyfriend, anyway.  
  
As she sat there, stuck in the tension left behind from the non-fight, Veronica felt herself yearning for the days of loud, angry fights and even more passionate makeups, at least something was always accomplished during those episodes, whether it be tears or crumpled clothes on the floor. Regardless, she missed the heart-pounding emotion that was forced out of her, courtesy of the boy she had chosen to forget for the sake of normalcy.  
  
It was too late now, the past needed to stay there. This was where her life needed to be, and she knew that to be true. She needed to grow up and let go of the familiar, even if she felt completely alone even in a room full of people.  
  
Somehow, she didn’t think she was ever going to get used to this kind of loneliness. At least back in Neptune, she knew she had herself. Now, she couldn’t even tell what part of her was pretending and what part of her was still real.

 

 _ **Now**_  
  
Veronica closed her eyes briefly, allowing the slow, steady tapping of Razia’s heels against the leg of the steel table she was leaning against lull her into a calm trance. Her first official day at Talk was as uneventful as it could get, with her biggest assignment being the task of getting Razia’s white chocolate mocha from Starbucks.  
  
She had to admit things seemed more glamorous from the outside, but as she now thought things over, she realized that not even Logan had really hyped up the job for her. Although he did enjoy his work, he treated it as just that: work. She wasn’t sure of what exactly she had been expecting.  
  
At least Razia wasn’t the supervisor from Hell. She was quite decent and Veronica couldn’t help but be slightly miffed.  
  
Although Razia Modi was certainly one of the nicer rich people she had run into in her many years, she was still a virtual mystery to Veronica. She hardly talked about her personal life, much less her family, and Veronica didn’t see how she was going to get some answers about Logan without seeming like some creepy stalker.  
  
From the last two days, there was at least no visible ill will between Logan and Razia. He never seemed to speak unkindly of her, and she never seemed uncomfortable around the various mentions of him. Then again, appearances could be very deceiving.  
  
“So, today’s my birthday,” Razia purred from her spot across from Veronica’s seat.  
  
Veronica snapped out of her reverie, straightening up in her seat as she gave Razia a small grin. “Happy birthday!”  
  
“Thank you,” Razia leaned down, inspecting a black and white proof. “Come here,” she offered Veronica a grin as she approached, handing her the small magnifier. “Do you think the shading is off in this picture?”  
  
“Ah,” Veronica pressed her lips together, peering at the photograph through the lens and she was quite unwilling to admit to Razia that she had no idea of what she was talking about. “Looks fine to me.”  
  
“No, look,” Razia’s finger drifted into the space between the lens and the photo, pointing at a spot behind the model’s arm. “It looks too dark.”  
  
“It looks like a shadow.”  
  
Razia lifted her gaze from the page, her eyes locking on Veronica’s. “You’re not trying to sabotage me, are you?”  
  
Veronica’s eyebrows rose at the accusation and she laughed nervously, at a loss for words. “No. No, no, I’m not-”  
  
“I’m fucking with you,” Razia laughed, leaning against the table. “You’re really gullible, you know that?”  
  
“No, I’m not,” Veronica said with a dry chuckle.  
  
“I never met the Pope,” she grinned at Veronica’s look of shock, giving her a shrug. “You were just _uh-huhing_ me all over the place- I wanted to see if you would call me out on my lie...and you didn’t.”  
  
A frown played on Veronica’s lips, then. “So you lied for fun, or you lied because I wasn’t giving you good conversation?”  
  
“The latter,” Razia tilted her head, gazing at Veronica. “I can’t work with someone who isn’t listening to me. It’s okay to call your superiors out when they’re wrong, babe. Do you want to come to my party?”  
  
Veronica’s brow furrowed in confusion at the sudden shift in conversation, and she bought some time by pushing her hair behind her ears. “Your party?”  
  
Razia lifted her hands, wiggling her fingers. “Happy birthday!”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“Well?” Razia sighed, glancing at the ceiling. “You’re just like Logan. I invited him, and he’s all ‘ _uh_.’ It’s not rocket science- either you’re in or you’re not,” a pout played on her lips suddenly. “This doesn’t really do much for my self-esteem, having people so unwilling to go to my birthday party. I feel like I’m nine again...”  
  
Veronica laughed anxiously, feeling her cheeks begin to heat up in slight embarrassment. “It’s not that I don’t want to go, I’m just really...” she trailed off, trying to think of the right words. “I’m really not a people person. At all. I don’t like social gatherings.”  
  
“Then what are you doing working here?”  
  
“I needed a job,” Veronica admitted with a chuckle. “Really, Logan’s the one that got me the job,” her gaze darted up to Razia’s face, now unnervingly blank. “It doesn’t mean I don’t want to work here! I do, but I guess I just didn’t expect to be part of the group functions.”  
  
Razia nodded, pushing off the table and walking to the mini-fridge by the wall. “Yeah, you’re coming to my party. It’s at Chasm- you know where that is, right?” she looked over her shoulder at Veronica, giving her a wink. “I don’t believe in anti-social behavior.”  
  
Veronica forced a tight smile on her face, hoping it looked genuine. She didn’t really want to go at all, but she felt bad, now knowing both she and Logan had dug their heels at the offer. How suspicious it could be if they both backed out. “So, what time should I be there?”  
  


* * * * *

  
  
“Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a bad person. She’s really actually very nice, but I don’t know. I barely know her, and yet here she is, inviting me to her birthday party! She’s too accessible, but she’s really private, so I don’t know what to make of her,” Veronica laughed, tearing off a piece of bread from the plate on her father’s lap, throwing it into her mouth. “I feel bad, though. She seems really nice.”  
  
Keith stared at his daughter from her seat on the living room floor, watching as she took another piece of bread from his plate and offered it to her dog. She had been talking non-stop since she had gotten home, and he was worn out. The pills were kicking in, but he didn’t want to tell his daughter that all he wanted to do was sleep.  
  
He knew this was Veronica’s way- act like nothing was wrong, act like she hadn’t been gone for nearly eight years, like he hadn’t just had a heart attack, like Harmony wasn’t sitting just a couple of feet away. If Keith didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought Veronica was nineteen again, telling him about her day at Hearst. His daughter; the master avoider.  
  
While it was nice to have some familiarity, it was still extremely daunting- he had just gotten used to not having her talking his ear off. In fact, it was almost irritating, the way Veronica decided to just ignore everything that wasn’t in her favor.  
  
“I know Razia’s a nice girl,” he said wearily once Veronica had stopped talking. “I’ve met her many times.”  
  
Veronica seemed to perk up at this information, leaning against the couch cushion on which her father currently was reclined on. “Really? When?”  
  
“Logan dated her for a couple of years, I saw her as often as I saw him.”  
  
“She was Logan’s girlfriend, then? Officially?”  
  
He sighed, unwilling to play this kind of guessing game. “She was Logan’s lady friend for a while, yes.”  
  
“So they were really serious, huh?”  
  
“Veronica,” Keith groaned, “Ask Logan.”  
  
Veronica nearly pouted, setting Ace on her father’s lap. “He’s being as secretive as the CIA, dad. He acts like I’m going to incriminate him.”  
  
“Why don’t you just read his columns?”  
  
“Dad!”  
  
“Veronica,” Keith said firmly, catching her eye. “Logan has been very, very careful to keep his personal life as private as possible for the last couple of years. I have to respect that. You, being an absent party in his life for the entirety of those years, _must_ respect that,” he paused as Veronica’s jaw clenched. “It’s not up to me to fill you in on his life. When and if he’s ready, he will let you in.”  
  
Veronica laughed, unsure of what else to do. She had no justifiable response to her father’s words. On one hand, he was correct, but on the other, she was still baffled at his loyalty to Logan. “Okay, I know that. But-”  
  
“If you have such a big problem with his policies,” Keith said irritably. “Then maybe you need to talk to him, not me. You’re both adults.”  
  
“Fine,” Veronica said as lightly as she could, straightening up in her seat. “So, what do you want to do tonight? Scrabble? Some movies?”  
  
“Veronica,” Keith said shakily, a deep sigh escaping him. “Get dressed. Go to that party. Have fun.”  
  
“But, dad-”  
  
“Harmony’s here, so you don’t need to worry about me. Go.”  
  
Veronica frowned. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”  
  
“Yes,” Keith laughed, pointing to the hallway. “I’m tired of you. Go be a sociable human being before I have to kill you, my child.”  
  
“Dad.”  
  
He gave her a stern look. “You’ve been invited to a party, so you cannot claim that no one wants to be your friend. Please go and have a good time.”  
  
Veronica finally climbed to her feet, giving her father a smirk. “Understand that I am only going because you want me to have a good time, not because I want to go to this damned thing.”  
  
“Uh huh, damn the man, blah blah blah,” Keith intoned, pointing to the hallway. “Make yourself pretty and have a wonderful time, honey.”  
  
With a forced smile, Veronica gave her father a prim nod before moving toward her bedroom.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
The loud pounding of music was already giving Logan a headache as he pushed his way through the mob on his way to Chasm’s second level. The VIP area. A special club area that had a two-year waiting list for birthdays, anniversary, engagements, and graduations. Another way for Neptune’s elite to keep themselves away from the lower class.  
  
He could make out the red and black balloons as he walked up the stairs, carefully moving past the people crowding the stairwell. Shiny Happy Birthday banners hung around the walls and off the ceilings, along with streamers and some plastic light fixtures.  
  
He remembered the last night he had been in the VIP section, just over two years ago. The memory still sent a surprisingly sharp ache right to his heart.  
  
As he inspected the folks around him clad in jeans and very dressy-casual attire, he suspected his black-on-black wardrobe was a bit too dressed up for this soiree. Unfortunately, Razia’s invite didn’t warn of the dress code, or lack of it. It also didn’t warn of the eyes that were sure to be on him as he reached the top of the stairs.  
  
Two minutes inside her bash, and he was already in a bad mood.  
  
Logan’s eyes darted around the large room, looking for a familiar face, or rather, someone he actually wanted to talk to. A sudden relief, and a smile, came over him at the tiny blonde head he was able to pick out near the bar. He moved swiftly through the crowd, stopping just short of Veronica’s back. A smile was fixed on his face before he tapped her shoulder. “Hey.”  
  
Veronica spun around, giving Logan a surprised, yet pleased smile. “Comrade! I thought you weren’t going to show.”  
  
He shrugged, appreciating the view of Veronica in her coral dress, her hair falling down over her shoulders. “I decided to make an appearance.”  
  
She lifted up her glass. “Want some of my daiquiri?”  
  
“No, I’m not drinking tonight,” Logan scanned the room, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Have you seen Razia?”  
  
Veronica shook her head, looking around the room with him. “No...she’s very popular, apparently. I did however just get here about twenty minutes ago.”  
  
An amused smile played on Logan’s lips as he glanced down at Veronica. “And you’re already drinking.”  
  
“What’s wrong with that? I’m of age.”  
  
“You are, but you were never able to handle your liquor.”  
  
She was silent, considering where to go in their current conversation. She settled for self-deprecation, knowing that Logan would appreciate a joke that wasn’t at his expense. “Um, do we not remember the beach incident? I am hardcore, my friend.”  
  
Logan finally grinned, nodding once. “That’s right, how could I forget that?”  
  
Veronica started to respond, but her words were forgotten when she saw a slender arm wrap around Logan’s waist. He noticed as well, turning, and the bright smile that came upon his face wasn’t lost on her.  
  
“Hey!” Logan exclaimed, giving Razia a tight hug. “Happy birthday!”  
  
“Thank you!” Razia touched his neck, kissing his cheek quickly before facing Veronica, giving her a grin. “You came!”  
  
Veronica nodded, her smile forced and her eyes on Logan’s arm, still wrapped around Razia’s waist and then her hand, still resting on his neck. Their postures alone still bore the signs of a couple, whether they knew it or not. “I told you I would,” she finally managed.  
  
“I’m so glad- your dress is beautiful, by the way,” Razia faced Logan, her hand sliding from his neck down his arm before resting on his wrist. “Sonia is here, but she’s a little bit tipsy,” she spoke loudly and as if she were reciting a script, and it was then that Veronica realized that Razia was well on her way to being a little bit tipsy herself. “You know how she is when she’s tipsy,”  
  
Logan frowned playfully. “I’m pretty sure her public drunkenness is illegal.”  
  
“Funny- you know how she is.”  
  
“I won’t say anything to offend her.”  
  
She rolled her eyes. “Forget offensive, don’t mention school or relationships. Her boyfriend, the violinist? Yeah, he dumped her.”  
  
Logan gave Veronica a quick look before smiling at Razia. “I won’t say anything to offend her,” he repeated.  
  
“Yes, but I know how you are and you like to be passive aggressive rude-”  
  
Logan grabbed Razia by the shoulders, running his hands down her arms. “I won’t say anything to offend her,” he repeated once more. “I promise.”  
  
She gave him a dazzling smile, grabbing his hand in hers. “Thank you,” she paused, shrugging. “So, you wanna dance? I can probably still out-dance you...”  
  
He laughed, glancing at the floor. “You’ve had a couple of drinks in you, so I think I have the advantage here.”  
  
Veronica smiled as Razia laughed loudly, suddenly feeling like the third wheel. She sipped at her drink, glancing around the restaurant. Her eyes fell on the man known as Mark, her supposed nemesis at Talk and now Razia’s current suitor, according to Logan, watching them closely. Watching Logan and Razia very closely. Watching as Razia played with the collar of Logan’s shirt.  
  
This was all getting to be too uncomfortable.  
  
She stepped out of the way as a girl nearly plowed into her, biting back the curse that threatened to break free. She caught Logan’s look of surprise as the girl lunged into his arms, hugging his neck tightly. A smile finally broke onto Logan’s face and he hugged her back, glancing over her shoulder at Veronica.  
  
“Veronica!” Logan pointed down at the dark head, resting on his shoulder. “This is Sonia, Razia’s little sister! Sonia,” he pulled back, gently turning Sonia around to face Veronica. “This is my friend Veronica.”  
  
Sonia gave Veronica a bright smile, offering her a wave, and Veronica noted how pretty she was. She was a near-clone of their mother, with the same thick, dark hair that Razia wore loose. Sonia’s hair was straightened and in that same bob Veronica remembered from her Facebook, and Sonia was dressed as what Veronica could only describe as New York chic. “Hi!”  
  
“Hi,” Veronica gave her a short grin, sizing the expanding group up. Razia stood there elated, still nearly glued to Logan’s hip, Sonia was now chatting with Logan, her arms waving around animatedly, and Logan seemed more at ease in this little group than she had seen him since she had first came back home.  
  
She was being ignored by this group that had existed long before she came back into Logan’s life and he appeared to be more comfortable there than in the present with her. He had a familiar that didn’t include her and she felt, for the moment, like she was back in high school, the social outcast with no friends while Logan was the king of the playground with the beautiful people hanging off his every word.  
  
Veronica was jolted out of her reverie by the sight of Mark moving toward their group. She instinctively stepped closer to Logan, unsure if this guy was either going to be an asshole or punch Logan. The group seemed to notice Mark’s sudden presence, Razia taking a step away from Logan as she gave Mark a smile and Sonia, next to Razia, looked less than thrilled to see the man.  
  
Logan stepped back, standing next to Veronica. “That’s her guy,” he said simply as if Veronica didn’t already know.  
  
“I gathered that,” she said with a weak smile.  
  
“Can I have everyone’s attention please?”  
  
Veronica blinked at the sound of Mark’s booming voice, a tone she automatically associated with _douchebag_. It was the same tone Dick Casablancas took whenever he said something he thought was of significant importance and was almost always followed by the most ridiculous statement. “This should be fun,” she muttered, smirking when she caught the smile on Logan’s face.  
  
A cute blonde waitress stopped in front of the two, giving Veronica a smile as she pointed at her empty glass. “Can I get you another drink?”  
  
Mark wrapped his arm around Razia’s shoulders, pulling her close to his chest as a crowd gathered and the music was lowered. Veronica noted that Razia’s smile was nervous and her shoulders were tense. For someone who was dating the douchebag, Razia looked less than comfortable with him.  
  
“Tonight is a joyous one, being the lovely Razia’s birthday. We should thank whoever’s in charge for allowing her to be a part of our lives, am I right?”  
  
Logan rolled his eyes. “For fuck’s sake- look at her. She’s hating this.”  
  
“This beautiful, wonderful, talented creature had brought light into my life, as she has most of you, so I am pleased to be standing here with her tonight.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes rose. “He’s talking her up, there.”  
  
“She hates it,” Logan muttered. “She thinks this kind of shit is corny. Just keep it simple, dude, you’re embarrassing yourself.”  
  
“His eyebrows are embarrassing him,” she added, biting on her lip as Logan laughed loudly, getting a glare from Mark. She faced the waitress, holding out her glass. “Just half a glass, please.”  
  
“On this wonderful occasion,” Mark continued loudly. “I thought it was appropriate to make an announcement,” he glanced down at Razia, giving her a bright grin. “Razia Modi has quit Talk because she will be published in around a year’s time. Razia will be leaving California for good, traveling around the world doing what she loves, and I will be going with her!”  
  
Veronica glanced at Razia, who seemed to be frozen in Mark’s embrace, her smile tense and her eyes full of panic as Sonia’s face lit up with delight as she pulled her sister out of Mark’s hold and embraced her. Veronica looked up at Logan, whose face seemed to have paled with this news, his smile faltering.  
  
He didn’t know. He had known she was leaving the magazine but he hadn’t known this.  
  
Mark laughed, joining the applause that had started. “So, let’s toast our girl Razia! It couldn’t have happened to a better girl!”  
  
“You know,” Logan turned slowly, giving the waitress next to Veronica a strained grin. “I’ll have a drink, too.”  
  
She nodded. “What’s your poison?”  
  
“You know,” he said curtly. “I really don’t care.”  
  
“Beer? Rum? Vodka?”  
  
“I don’t _care_ ,” he glowered at the waitress as her smile faded and she walked off.  
  
Veronica leaned over, touching Logan’s arm gently. Instead of voicing her concern for his sudden shift in attitude, she decided to keep it easy. “I thought you weren’t drinking tonight.”  
  
Logan’s eyes lingered as Mark hugged Razia’s waist from behind, his jaw clenching. “I changed my mind.”  
  
She stood there uncomfortably, searching the crowd for her waitress who was taking way too long with her drink. She estimated that the waitress had to walk down the stairs to the kitchen and come back up through the crowd, all for Veronica’s specialty drink, so it was definitely going to be a while. She suddenly wished she had just asked for a beer. “Want to talk about it?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Veronica forced a tight smile on her face, deciding that now was a perfectly good time to go get some money from her pocket for the waitress. She needed to get away from the tension radiating from the room. “Okay, I’ll be right back.”  
  
Logan barely acknowledged her and Veronica nearly rolled her eyes, walking past him. She pushed through the crowd, making her way to the hallway near the stairs that led to the same coatroom. The clerk was apparently on her break, so Veronica opened the small counter door, stepping inside the booth.  
  
She moved aside coats and blazers, searching for her black cardigan that she had stupidly checked in. Her eyes fell on it, squeezed between a overcoat and some sparkly shawl that probably cost more than her entire outfit. She jerked on her sweater, muttering a curse as it fell to the ground.  
  
Just then, she heard the coatroom door slam open and she froze, waiting.  
  
“Okay, look,”  
  
Veronica inhaled sharply at the sound of Logan’s voice, shaking and undoubtedly angry. She grasped her sweater, slowly crawling to the counter door, careful that her heels didn’t hit the floor.  
  
“I’m happy for you, I really am-”  
  
“You don’t sound happy.”  
  
Razia. Holding her breath, Veronica slipped further back down against the counter. She peeked around the counter door that was partially open, spotting Logan grasping Razia’s wrist in his hand, held awkwardly between them like a shield.  
  
“I’m very happy for you, I know you want this and I am happy you got it,” he blinked rapidly, throwing down her arm. “But you told me that it was a bust. You were lying to me-”  
  
“I never said it was a bust,” Razia interrupted him swiftly. “I said it was probably a bust because they hadn’t contacted me. Then, surprise, they did and I accepted and here we are.”  
  
“Did you accept it before or after you handed in your resignation?” Logan waited, and when Razia stayed stubbornly quiet, he allowed a bitter laugh to escape him. “Wow...”  
  
“Logan, this had nothing to do with you, or us, okay?”  
  
“Obviously not, because Mark the asshole knew about this before I did. Wasn’t I the one that told you to go for it?”  
  
She sighed heavily, glanced down at the ground. “That was before we broke up.”  
  
“Before you broke up with me,” he corrected her harshly.  
  
Razia was silent for a moment, her jaw clenching. “You know why,” she said shortly. “We’ve been through this.”  
  
He shook his head. “That isn’t what we’re talking about right now,” he laughed abruptly, shaking his head. “So if I hadn’t come to this bullshit party, then I would’ve been the last person to find out, huh?”  
  
“No, I didn’t want to tell you because it would’ve upset you!”  
  
“No, you didn’t tell me because _you_ -” he jabbed a finger in her face before cutting himself off, rolling his eyes as he turned away from her. “Fuck it.”  
  
She stared at Logan sullenly as he walked to the door. “You’re ruining my night.”  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Logan said sarcastically, spinning around to face her again. “You know, for all your talk about loyalty and honesty, you just full of shit,” he grit out, stabbing a finger in her direction. “You’re not even full of _shit_ because I’m sure you believe it deep down, you’re just such a fucking coward.”  
  
“I’m a coward!”  
  
Veronica jumped at the abrupt rise of Razia’s voice, as Razia was jolted to life, storming toward Logan.  
  
“I’m a coward- what about you?” Razia countered, stopping directly in front of Logan. “All you do is sit around and make these little snide remarks- you don’t think I hear you? I hear you perfectly and you’re as full of shit as I am, you asshole.”  
  
His eyebrows rose. “Are my _little snide remarks_ hurting your feelings? Can’t take anyone being critical of you? I’ve never said anything about you-”  
  
“You talk shit about my boyfriend!”  
  
“So? He’s a dick, Razia!”  
  
Razia shook her head. “No- you need to stop.”  
  
“Or what?” Logan snapped. “What are you going to do about it?”  
  
Veronica’s breath caught as she watched the two, inches from each other and in a total stare down and Veronica could’ve sworn that they were seconds from a full on make out. She recognized that look in Logan’s eyes, that look had been given to her many times before she left Neptune, the look where she didn’t know if he wanted to fuck her or kill her. Maybe both. And now he was giving it to Razia and to Veronica’s surprise, Razia was giving it right back.  
  
Veronica swallowed hard, not knowing what she would do if the fight escalated or if they started going at it right in the coatroom. She finally closed her eyes, praying to whoever was listening that something, someone, would come and interrupt this standstill.  
  
Then, as if someone was indeed listening, the door was flung open and right into Logan’s back. Veronica spotted the clerk, her eyes wide as she peered into the room. “Oh, I’m sorry!”  
  
Logan finally ripped his gaze away from Razia, throwing the door open and pushing past the clerk on his way out. Razia waited for a moment before exiting the room, going in the opposite direction. Veronica gasped as the counter door was swung open, giving the clerk a smile as she let out a surprised cry. “Hi,” she managed, climbing to her feet. “Sorry I scared you.”  
  
“What are you doing?” The clerk demanded.  
  
“Getting my jacket,” she held up her plastic number, setting it down on the counter. “Sorry.”  
  
Veronica rushed out of the coatroom, glancing down the hallway for any sign of Logan. She spotted him near the bar, already downing a drink, and she decided to leave him for the time being. She turned in the other direction, rushing for the bathroom.  
  
All she needed to do was check herself for any dust that had clung to her dress. After she was good to go, she was going to grab Logan and get him the hell out of that party before he started another fight. She flung the bathroom door open, rushing inside.  
  
Veronica stopped, staring dumbly at the sight of Razia sitting on one of the sinks, her face buried in her hands. Her sister stood in front of her, her hands rubbing Razia’s knees. Both looked up as Veronica stopped in her tracks, and Veronica caught Razia’s tear-stained face.  
  
“Oh-” she started to back towards the doors. “I’m sorry,” she said for what seemed like the hundredth time that night.  
  
She moved through the crowd and back into the party, everyone seemingly obvious to the drama that had just happened in the coatroom. She started to make her way toward the bar and stopped as Logan downed his second- or third- shot.  
  
Logan glanced at the ceiling before pushing off the bar abruptly, walking through the crowd and down the stairs.  
  
Then, Veronica did possibly the stupidest thing she could’ve done at the moment. She followed him.  
  
Ultimately, Veronica didn’t want to stay at a party where she knew no one and her one contact was already out the door. She also didn’t want to face Razia so soon after she had seen the woman crying in the bathroom. A part of her was also ashamed to admit she was grateful that Logan wasn’t as poised and perfect as he looked.  
  
She followed Logan as he walked down the sidewalk, his back tense and his hands clenched into fists at his side. She licked her lips, trying to keep up with him. “Logan!”  
  
Logan stopped in his tracks, his head turning slightly. “What.”  
  
“Where are you-” Veronica caught up to Logan, sighing as he started to walk again. “Okay, you’re clearly upset and I understand that,” she said swiftly. “Do you want to talk about it? We can go somewhere and talk-”  
  
“Okay,” Logan cut her off as he stopped in front of his car, turning to face her. You wanted me to share? Here’s me sharing,” he exhaled shakily. “I dated Razia for a couple of years. She was my life and now it’s over. I thought we were friends, but apparently, I don’t merit a heads up for her big news. News, mind you, over a job I had fucking _encouraged_ her to go for.”  
  
Veronica frowned, taking all this information in as he flung open his car door. It was more information than he had shared with her in the last couple of months. “Maybe she didn’t tell you because she knew you would react like this.”  
  
He laughed bitterly. “No. No, that’s not the fucking point. The point is this,” he blinked rapidly as he started to sway, holding onto the door of his car for support. “I supported her. She not telling me of something this big is disrespectful. She just didn’t care,” he smiled a ugly, twisted grin that looked more like a grimace, shaking his head. “Three years doesn’t count for anything anymore, does it, Veronica?”  
  
“Are...are you mad at me or at her?”  
  
“This is fucking bullshit,” Logan ignored her, his voice rising to a shout. “And if I say anything, I’m the bad guy! I’m the fucking bad guy and fuck her!”  
  
“Logan,” she said firmly. “You’re going to lower your voice because you’re making a scene.”  
  
“I don’t give a shit-”  
  
“Secondly,” Veronica interrupted him swiftly, slipping on her jacket. “You’re not going to say anything else because it’s her day. You are ruining her birthday by carrying on like this. You’re going to suck it up and let it go.”  
  
“What- you’re a therapist now? Of all people...”  
  
She smiled primly, ignoring his sneering tone. “Okay, you’re angry and I’m done trying to console you. Get over it, it’s not your concern since you’re not dating her anymore. Also? I’m sick of you yelling at me, so cut it out.”  
  
He was silent for a moment, glowering at her and she stared back, unmoved by his aggressiveness. Finally, he nodded, letting out a heavy sigh as his shoulders slouched in defeat. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“No, I’m really sorry. I’m an asshole.”  
  
“I know,” Veronica laughed slightly in relief at his much calmer tone, glancing up at Logan as he tilted toward her. She grabbed his arm, steadying him. Instead of dwelling on the topic at hand, she opted to change the subject. “So, I had lunch with Rita and Dick yesterday afternoon and let me tell you, that was a hot mess-”  
  
Suddenly, Logan’s lips were against hers, his hand pressed against the back of her head. She stood frozen in shock, gasping as Logan’s mouth opened and she found herself responding to him, her hands clutching at his jacket as he swung her around, pinning her against his car.  
  
Her body started to heat up before her common sense could stop it, and she felt that heat as he pushed his hips against hers and his tongue slipped into her mouth and more than anything, she wanted this. She wanted his mouth all over her and that familiar ache and that release after all those years of misery and loneliness. She needed this. She deserved this.  
  
Then as soon as it had started, it was over. Logan pulled away, staring down at Veronica oddly and she could almost see his conscience catching up to him. “Sorry.”  
  
Veronica exhaled, her fingers curling into his jacket as she tried to coax him back to her. “It’s okay,” she said breathlessly, almost ashamed at the arousal in her voice. “Keep going.”  
  
He paled and he shook his head, gently attempting to pry her hands from his jacket. “I can’t.”  
  
Her smile faded as he took a step back and she couldn’t stop the confusion from growing. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“This isn’t...” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I can’t.”  
  
“Logan?”  
  
“I’m sorry, Mars. I can’t,” he looked up at her, and she could see the disgrace in his eyes. “I don’t want to use you like that.”  
  
And then, the rage. The anger grew into Veronica so violently, she was startled by it. She knew that anger was a toxic mix of her depression, their abrupt foreplay not being satisfied, and the shame from being rejected by Logan yet again, and she couldn’t stop it anymore, not after what had just happened, not after what she had seen and heard in that coatroom. She was beyond pissed off.  
  
“What’s wrong with you?” she demanded. “You fuck anything that moves but me...what’s wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with _you_? Look at me!”  
  
“I’m drunk.”  
  
“You are not!” she spat. “You’re an asshole! I knew you hadn’t changed!”  
  
“I have changed,” Logan said quietly, so softly she wasn’t sure if it was anger or shame that was changing his voice.  
  
She shook her head angrily, not willing to hear him. “I am just so sick of your mixed signals and your bullshit- it’s hurtful, Logan! You have no idea how much you-”  
  
“Veronica, you’re hot!” Logan exclaimed suddenly. “I know you’re hot! I saw those guys checking you out in there,” he laughed. “I saw them and it pissed me off but I’m not going to fuck you just because. It was never about sex with you! You know that! I’m not going to use you like that!”  
  
Veronica stood there stupidly, running his words through her head once more. “You think I’m hot?” she paused. “You’re jealous?”  
  
“No!”  
  
She nodded, her lips pressed together at the latest contradiction to come out of Logan’s mouth. “Okay. Why don’t we just get in your car and talk.”  
  
“No,” he said swiftly. “We’re alone. I can’t do this.”  
  
“Can’t do what?” she snapped, her patience waning.  
  
“I can’t be alone with you, Veronica!” Logan said loudly, his voice shaking. “I can’t be alone with you right now. I’m angry and I’m not thinking straight and this can’t happen, all right? I won’t do that to you.”  
  
Veronica glared at him for a long moment before stepping forward, slamming his car door hard before stomping away to her car, several blocks away. She could hear him calling after her but she ignored him, crossing her arms tightly over her chest as she hurried off. She moved faster, not wanting to hear his footsteps behind her, not wanting him to catch up so he could see the tears in her eyes.  
  
She reached her car and she sought the protection of it, slipping inside and locking the doors, enjoying the privacy and the dark of her tiny space. She breathed deeply , blinking back the tears until they were nearly gone. Her head bowed as she started her car, sitting there for a couple more seconds, allowing her anger to dissolve slowly.  
  
Her phone started to vibrate in the passenger seat and she ignored it, knowing exactly who was calling.  
  
 _ **Six Years Ago**_  
  
Veronica smiled at her reflection, patting down a couple of unruly strands of hair from her tightly done up bun. Her hands moved down to her black sweater, pulling it down over her hips. She checked her makeup, making sure her mascara and pale lipstick was perfect.  
  
It was a big night. She had successfully gotten the evening off even though she had been so sure that it wasn’t going to happen, and that alone was enough to put her in a positive mood. Her plans were simple- surprise Piz at his gig at that club downtown, bring him home for some sorely needed alone time. The camera and box of custom guitar picks sat gift wrapped on the bedroom dresser, ready for Piz to open.  
  
She couldn’t think of a more perfect peace offering for Piz.  
  
They were going to be happy again if it killed her.  
  
The drive to the club was remarkably short, and she was surprised that she hadn’t heard of it before Piz mentioned it. Its look left something to be desired, as did its patrons. Everything was loud and smoky and dirty. It wasn’t much, but it was a place that hired Piz’s band.  
  
Stock Market Crash. She would never tell him how fucking stupid his band name was, no matter how much she was tempted. Regardless of Piz’s hints, she still thought she was a good girlfriend. At least she didn’t make fun of his band and their stupid name.  
  
Veronica made her way through the crowd, the loud noise on stage distracting her. Piz’s band didn’t play her kind of music. It was a mess of noise, trying to be punk mixed with whiny love struck ballads and it just wasn’t her cup of tea. However, it kept Piz busy and happy, and she supposed that was the best thing for him.  
  
She smiled as he searched the crowd and she waved, standing a bit straighter. He didn’t appear to see her, walking to the other side of the stage, keeping in beat with the rest of the band. Her smile started to falter as she stood there stupidly, feeling so very out of place amongst the girls in their short skirts and the men in their Converse sneakers.  
  
Her eyes lingered on that curvy redhead right in front of the stage, directly in front of Piz, cheering loudly. If Veronica didn’t know any better, she would think he was playing for her in the way he was suddenly playing with energy, his chest puffed out proudly and a smile on his face as the girl danced and grinned up adoringly at him.  
  
Not once did Piz look around for Veronica. He hadn’t even expected her to come. She waited for the anger to hit, the hurt to overwhelm her. Surprisingly, she felt nothing.  
  
Without another thought, Veronica turned, walking toward the exit.  
  
 _ **Now**_  
  
Logan stared at the ceiling of his living room, his fingers running over the glass resting on his knee. He was done for the night, only water and sleep from this point on. He had to be at work in five hours, and there was no part of him ready for sleep.  
  
He should’ve just taken some random girl home and released some of the tension. He was never going to sleep.  
  
In just hours, he had managed to piss off and possibly destroy whatever relationship he had left with both Razia and Veronica. He had let his emotions and his impulsiveness take over, something Keith had warned him against doing, and it had cost him dearly. He didn’t know how he was going to face either one of them. If he even wanted to.  
  
He was going to make a point to talk to Veronica. He needed to tell her everything. He needed to tell her the truth before it all got to be too much and he was in too deep. She had to know everything. Even if he told her in small doses, she needed to know.  
  
Logan didn’t know the exact reason why he had kissed Veronica. Maybe it was to get some of the tension out before he punched his car. Maybe it was something to shut her the hell up. Maybe it was just something that bubbled over after seven years, even if nothing about that kiss felt remotely familiar. She was still the same Veronica and yet he didn’t feel like himself. He was the problem, it definitely wasn’t her and he had to tell her that.  
  
She also didn’t push him away, which made the night only slightly better. At least she didn’t punch him.  
  
The hard knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, and he lifted his head, glancing at the door and waiting. After a couple of seconds, another knock came, and he stood, setting his glass on the coffee table. “Who is it?” he called.  
  
There was no answer, so he walked to the door slowly, unlocking it. He opened the door, stunned to see Razia there, just inches away. “Hi,” he said shortly, unsure of how to approach her. He was still pissed off and he couldn’t tell what her mood was in the five seconds before he spoke.  
  
Razia leaned against the doorframe, peering up at Logan through her hair. “I was thinking...” she trailed off, her eyes closing shortly.  
  
His brow furrowed as she pushed off the frame, shuffling into his home. Instead of objecting, he shut the door behind her. “Thinking about what?”  
  
“You. Me. This new job of mine. My newest helper,” she turned, facing him as he approached. “The girl,” she scowled, her mouth curling into a frown. “The _mother_.”  
  
Logan blinked, unsure of how to respond to her. She was clearly drunk and he just wasn’t in the mood to argue anymore. “We’re not doing this right now.”  
  
Her brow crinkled in a perceptible attempt to remain focused. “We can’t talk?”  
  
“Not when you’re drunk and all aggressive- I was aggressive for the both of us tonight,” he sighed, his anger and hurt from the party slowly fading. He was too tired to deal with this at the moment. “You should go home.”  
  
She stepped forward, swaying slightly and his arm shot out, supporting her. “He was a dick for doing that.”  
  
“Who? What?”  
  
“Mark. Announcing that...he’s such a dick,” her eyes narrowed as she glanced up at Logan. “Why the hell am I with him? He’s so not my type.”  
  
Logan shook his head, holding her against his chest before she could topple over. “I ask myself that every day.”  
  
“You were mean to me, you know.”  
  
He sighed heavily, not wanting to be reminded of it. “I know, baby.”  
  
“I’m sorry for not telling you,” she mumbled against his chest. “I didn’t know what I wanted to do.”  
  
“I know,” he said softly. “I’m sorry for ruining your birthday.”  
  
She let out a deep sigh, her fingers digging into his forearm. “You didn’t ruin it, Mark did. He’s a dick.”  
  
“I know it.”  
  
Razia lifted her head, a frown on her lips. “Were you lying when you said you and Veronica were just friends?”  
  
He laughed slightly, shaking his head. “There is nothing going on, we’re just friends.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.  
  
Razia inhaled deeply, resting her forehead against his chest, and he closed his eyes, refusing to inhale her scent, refusing to let any of this become too familiar again. He had to be the adult right now, she was in no position to make any sort of appropriate decisions for either of them at the moment. He needed to get her out of here, possibly call her sister or that damn asshole boyfriend of hers to get her out of here. He definitely couldn’t be alone with her.  
  
“Can I sleep with you?”  
  
Logan’s eyes shot open, and he glanced down at Razia, his eyes narrowing in confusion. “What?”  
  
“ _Sleep_. Sleep with you. I can’t drive. You know I can’t drive,” her eyes lifted, locking on his. “Please.”  
  
And just like that, whatever self control he had was gone. It was just sleep. Sleep wouldn’t get anyone in trouble. He could almost see Keith rolling his eyes and throwing his hands in the air over Logan’s obviously whipped stupidity, but Logan didn’t care.  
  
Out of sight, out of mind. No one had to know because no one was going to get hurt. It was just sleep. There went his conscience, dressed as Keith, out of the door that was his head. It really wasn’t anyone’s business, Logan told himself as his imaginary Keith slammed the door shut behind him. He didn’t need to think about anything right now, his problem was that he thought too much. At least sleep required no thinking.  
  
“Okay,” he whispered.  
  
“We’re going to sleep,” Razia murmured, leading Logan to his bedroom.  
  
“We’re just going to sleep,” he whispered against her hair, unsure if he believed either one of their promises.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As she sat there alone, she had the feeling she had stepped into something bigger than she was ready to handle.

“WHAT.”  
  
Logan slouched on the third grade desk on which he was currently perched on the edge of, hating the shame that coursed through him, especially since he was at the receiving end of one of Rita Sumner’s rare scowls. Or, Ms. Sumner, as she was known to her class, currently eating lunch outside. Logan was almost afraid to glance at his watch, he knew if he did he would have a piece of chalk hurled at him.  
  
He inhaled deeply, finally gathering the nerve to look at Rita, seated on her own desk. Her pink and white polka dot dress was pretty, but the glare on her face made her look downright scary. He still wasn’t exactly sure if the black glasses she wore were needed or if she wore them for show, but as she ripped them off her face, he was certain she was about to throw them at him.  
  
“Let me get this straight. In one night, you shoved yourself back into Razia’s affairs, made her feel guilty about that, hit on Veronica and made her feel guilty about _that_ and possibly made her _cry_ , and then you slept with Razia?”  
  
“I _literally_ slept with Razia. Nothing happened.”  
  
Her eyes narrowed. “And you honestly expect me to believe that?”  
  
He didn’t, actually. He didn’t expect anyone to. It was, however, more or less the truth. More on the less side. “We made out. A little.”  
  
Rita’s hand lifted, balled into a fist, and she quickly lowered it, squeezing her fist between her knees. “Are you kidding me?”  
  
“It just happened,” he mumbled, never feeling more like he was ten years old again than he did at that moment.  
  
“It didn’t JUST happen!” she exclaimed, hopping off the desk. “Stepping on Razia’s white shoes is something that just happens,” she walked to his desk, jabbing a finger at him for emphasis. “Spilling your drink on Veronica’s lap just happens- you were making a conscious effort to be a complete and utter prick to both of them, do you understand that?”  
  
Logan blinked as she stopped in front of him, preparing himself for the slap that never came. “Stop yelling at me,” she opened her mouth and he quickly continued. “Look, I came to you for advice. I came to you for a woman’s point of view and if all you’re going to do is yell at me-”  
  
“Why the hell did you wait three days after the fact to seek advice from me? Did you talk to Keith?”  
  
“No. I’m not talking to Keith about this, he would kill me,” he sighed, glancing at the ceiling. “I thought I would get myself together and talk to Veronica but I’m a pussy, apparently. Razia and I, we’re cool. You know how chill she is, right? We’re perfectly fine.”  
  
At least this was completely true. Luckily, Razia wasn’t one to hold a grudge for long and when they had been together, they had never gone more than a couple of hours without talking. She had been, more or less, an easy person to live with. Veronica, however, she could hold a grudge and hold it in that death grip that was her mind. He didn’t want to have Hurricane Veronica hit him, at least not when he didn’t have a dialogue pre-written and ready to go. After so many years, he wasn’t ready to battle like that.  
  
“Do you love her?”  
  
Logan blinked out of his deep thought, glancing at Rita. “What? Who?”  
  
“Razia,” Rita grit out. “Do you love her?”  
  
He laughed breathlessly, glancing down at his lap. This was definitely not a subject he wanted to delve too deeply into, it was all too complicated with too many unanswered questions and unresolved issues. He wasn’t about to get into it in a third grade classroom surrounded by Harry Potter posters. “Of course.”  
  
“Are you _in_ love with her?”  
  
“I can’t be.”  
  
She nodded, seemingly pleased with that answer as she probably knew it was the best and most honest answer she would get out of him. “And what about Veronica?”  
  
“Veronica...” Logan trailed off, giving Rita a wry smile. “That’s way more complicated than anyone is willing to entertain, trust me.”  
  
“Whatever,” Rita frowned, leaning against his desk. “You know, this is something I expected out of Dick. You, you’ve always had your head on straight and you’ve always been so put together. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve never done anything like this.”  
  
He sighed heavily. “You think way too highly of me, Rita.”  
  
“I really do because I’ve seen you and you are a nice, good person, regardless of your current activities and I know, deep down, you didn’t mean to nor want to hurt either one of those women,” she gave him a hard look. “Talk to Veronica because she does not deserve that kind of treatment, Logan. Be honest.”  
  
“I will.”  
  
“Don’t be a pussy,” she added. “I know you’re scared of her, but come on.”  
  
Logan laughed, shaking his head. “I’m not _scared_ of her. I’ve just been through enough death glares and insults with her- the problem with me and her was that I would dive right in, looking to fix things immediately and she really needed time to cool off. I’m giving her that time.”  
  
She shrugged, glancing at her watch. “Whatever, talk to her and don’t lie. I don’t want to see you back here with this bullshit that’s above you,” she straightened up, nodding toward the door. “Now get out, my class is going to be back in five.”  
  
“Fine,” he stood, sighing as he gave her a smile. “What was I thinking, steering you in Dick’s direction? I am stupid.”  
  
Rita rolled her eyes, swatting at his arm before pushing him toward the door. “You’re smooth-talking the wrong girl. Promise me you’ll talk to her. About everything, because if you keep hiding things from her-”  
  
“I know,” Logan cut her off, leaning down and leaving a quick kiss on her cheek. “Thanks for not hitting me,” he smiled slightly. “Do me a favor, tell Dick not to call me until after six. I have some stupid meeting and I will be perfectly fine without his inappropriate observations on trivial crap for a couple of hours.”  
  
She gave him a look, opening the door of her classroom. “Just turn off your phone.”  
  
“You know I can’t do that,” Logan winked at Rita before walking out of the classroom. “Later!”  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Razia stood in front of Veronica, holding her camera up as she explained the best way to shoot a shoe pictorial. Everything out of Razia’s mouth flew right over Veronica’s head; she just didn’t understand what the big deal was. It was just shoes and yet Razia was acting like there was some sort of art to it. Her big brown eyes were wide as she emphasized something and Veronica tried her best to ignore Sonia, who stood behind Razia mimicking her.  
  
Despite the blowup at her birthday party, Razia showed no outward signs of being distressed or even remotely affected by what had happened. She was still as sociable and polite to everyone as far as Veronica could tell, and she and Logan didn’t even seem to be awkward in any way with each other. She noticed he would often call Razia’s extension, or she would disappear to go visit him in his office, or they would joke around outside the studio- very friendly, affectionate behavior for two people who had fought so passionately just days earlier.  
  
They weren’t doing the dodging dance that Veronica and Logan were doing as of late. She always managed to “just miss him.” He knew that building inside and out, he probably knew when she was coming back from lunch before she did. Veronica was slightly surprised that Logan had avoided her for so long, he used to want to get rid of the tension as soon as possible and often stalked her down until she folded. Now, he seemed to either be too embarrassed or afraid to talk to her, or maybe he just didn’t care.  
  
Current drama aside, Veronica was able to catch the gist of Razia’s spiel. She had scheduled the photo shoot on the same day as the big meeting and the company set up the time not knowing Harrison had scheduled Razia for the meeting. It was one big miscommunication and as far as Veronica could tell, Razia didn’t like being forced out of her work.  
  
Or maybe she just didn’t like leaving someone else in charge of said work. Veronica couldn’t really blame her.  
  
“Okay, listen. Don’t be nervous because this responsibility is a good thing. You need to learn how to do this- what if I died tomorrow and _bam!_ you’re in charge?” Razia gave her a warm smile, even though she nervously bustled with the folders she was shoving into her tan Prada bag. “Sonia’s your model today because she’ll work for cheap and our other model got food poisoning which means she’s getting her stomach pumped somewhere. She’s done this before so don’t worry about giving her instructions- just shoot her. The shoes and outfits are next door for Sonia, you have the computer software to print out the drafts for Brenda, and please e-mail me a copy of them when you’re done for the day and don’t forget to clock out.”  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly as Razia continued to ramble on, trying to remember all the tips and instructions that spilled out. Out of all the things she wanted to be left in charge of, this was on the bottom of the list. This was something that was going to be in the magazine, something that was possibly costing the company thousands of dollars to shoot, and she was being left in charge of it.  
  
“Veronica,” Razia said with a heavy sigh, as though she could read Veronica’s mind, or, rather, see the panic in her eyes. Behind her, Sonia seemed to have lost interest in making fun of her sister, opting to fix her outfit for the shoot that Veronica wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t going to run out of. “You’ll be fine. I’ve seen your photographs, this is a breeze. It’s a simple pictorial. At least you’re not shooting Heidi for the cover. Heidi Klum.”  
  
A laugh escaped Veronica as she shook her head, pushing her hair behind her ears. “I know. I know, but this is something that could be an epic screw up-”  
  
“Stop doubting yourself, you’ll be fine.”  
  
“I know, but-”  
  
“If you know, then stop doubting yourself.” Razia gave Veronica a brilliant smile. “I trust you.”  
  
Veronica forced a smile on her face. “Great,” the smile faded as the heavy studio door opened and in walked Logan, smoothing down his dark purple tie as he approached them. She caught the faint surprise in his eyes at the sight of her and he quickly recovered with a half-smile.  
  
She noted with a certain surprising displeasure that Logan and Razia managed to match without even trying, he with his tie and she with her off the shoulder bright purple mini-dress, his hair perfectly gelled and her hair perfectly straightened. They looked like models. “You should go,” she told Razia tersely.  
  
Logan reached the two, giving Razia a grin. “Hey,” his smile faltered as he faced Veronica. “Hi.”  
  
Veronica turned to her camera, tensing at the close presence of Logan. “Hey.”  
  
He nodded once, turning to Razia once more. “Ready?”  
  
She inhaled sharply at the question, focusing on her camera. They were going to this meeting together. They were going upstairs together looking perfect and attractive and they seemed completely at ease with each other. This was definitely jealousy at the moment.  
  
“Hold on, I need my ID card.”  
  
Logan rolled his eyes as Razia took off for her office. “You’re not leaving the building, Zee!” he called after her.  
  
His eyes hesitantly shifted to Veronica as she continued to mess around with the lens and he shoved his hands into his pockets, waiting for her to acknowledge him. She didn’t, of course she wouldn’t, and he let out a heavy sigh. She wasn’t going to give him a break; he was definitely going to have to work for this do-over. “Hey, listen-”  
  
“I don’t want to talk to you right now.”  
  
“Really?” Veronica started for the computer set up across from the white backdrop and he quickly followed her. “Veronica, hold on.”  
  
Veronica set down the camera on the desk, finally looking up at him. “What is it?”  
  
“I’m really sorry about what happened at Chasm. Really, really sorry.”  
  
She nodded, turning to the computer. Maybe she wasn’t ready to forgive and move on. “It’s fine,” she muttered as she logged in to the system.  
  
He chuckled, resting his hand on the camera. She abruptly jerked it out from his grasp and he paused before setting his hand on the table. “No, it’s not. It’s really not- I don’t want things to be weird with us.”  
  
“Nothing’s weird.”  
  
Logan seemed to tense at her short response and the open posture he had adapted disappeared as he leaned in close, invading Veronica’s personal space. “Don’t do that,” he said quietly, just for her ears. “If you have something to say, then say it. Don’t play games.”  
  
She elbowed him hard, waiting for him to back off before speaking. “Fine, you’re a jerk and I want you to get away from me.”  
  
“That’s fair,” he said simply. “I think we should talk about it, then. All of it. Get it out of the way and move on,” he shrugged helplessly. “You don’t think all of this is just childish? It’s exhausting, man.”  
  
Veronica quickly grew annoyed at the calmness of his voice, he didn’t sound offended or angry or even hurt at her words. He accepted them as her opinion and moved on. She wondered for a moment where the hell the Logan she knew had gone. She herself was pissed off and embarrassed and battered and he didn’t seem to be any of those things. It infuriated her.  
  
“Hey, Veronica!”  
  
She glanced up at the man that had just waved at her as he passed. Preston-Something. She had met him at orientation, she remembered he was from Connecticut and she liked his hair. It was shaggy and light brown and it didn’t look meticulously done. He was nice enough and made a point to say hi to her every day. He had also mentioned he didn’t have a girlfriend as often as he could.  
  
A smile came upon her face before she could stop it and she waved back, feeling the blush on her face when he grinned at her before nearly walking into a passing intern. He was a bit dorky but attractive enough, she enjoyed the feeling of his attention. He was what her father would call a “potential suitor.”  
  
Logan followed Veronica’s gaze, his brow furrowing at the sight of this kid now dropping to his knees as he helped some blonde pick up her stack of prints. “Who’s that?”  
  
Veronica glanced up at Logan, catching his eyes narrowing as he stared down Preston. There was that jealous glare she had always hated and desired. Right now, she was troubled by how much it was welcomed. “That’s Preston. We work together.”  
  
“He went out of his way to say hi to you. I didn’t hear him saying hi to the Lady Gaga wannabe over there.”  
  
Her eyebrows rose. “Jealous?”  
  
“No. I’m just saying, he said hi to you all- does he have a crush on you or something?”  
  
“You say hi to girls all the time!”  
  
Logan shook his head, watching as Preston walked out of the studio. “That’s different...you like him?” She didn’t respond, staring up at him impassively and he nodded quickly at her silence, continuing on. “Listen, I have to go to a meeting upstairs. It’s going to take all day, or so I heard. My boss is making me go and unfortunately, no cell phones allowed.”  
  
“Sucks to be you.”  
  
“Not really, I need a break,” he said with a grin, undeterred by her frosty tone. It wasn’t worth it to stress over this Preston guy, definitely not at the moment. One problem at a time. He leaned in once more, grabbing Veronica’s elbow before she could jab him again. “Come over to my place tonight. We’ll talk. I should be home around seven-ish.”  
  
Veronica moved her arm out of his grasp, looking up at him in open disbelief. Now she was really getting pissed off. That proposal had her seething and she didn’t know why his words were sending her over the edge. Maybe it was the way he said it, maybe his relaxed, commanding tone. “Wait, aren’t you the one in the doghouse here? Shouldn’t you be crawling to _me_?”  
  
“I _should_ , but your house is almost never empty and I don’t feel like being stared at there or at some restaurant. Honestly, we both know a thorough discussion is long overdue. Just come over and we’ll talk uninterrupted. I’ll even turn off my phone.”  
  
Her lips pressed together tersely as he stared at her expectantly. She glanced over his shoulder, catching Razia hurrying towards them, and she quickly nodded, turning back to the computer screen. “Fine,” she said hastily. She just wanted him to go away. “Seven o’clock.”  
  
Logan touched her arm this time, getting her attention. “This is me crawling, Veronica.”  
  
She didn’t respond, thrown into a silent shock by the sudden softness of his voice. Then, he had walked away as if the exchange hadn’t happened, leaving her alone with the memory of the moment.  
  
“Veronica!”  
  
Veronica looked over her shoulder, giving Razia a faint smile. “Yes?”  
  
“See you tomorrow!” Razia grinned, tilting to the side and blowing her sister a kiss. “Good luck!”  
  
She gave Razia a weak wave as the girl walked off, Logan right behind her. She watched as he rushed forward, opening the door for Razia in a rather endearing act of chivalry. Then again, it was something she was also able to relate to guys who were gentlemanly in order to get hot girls into their beds. Deep down, she knew this wasn’t fair to Logan- he had always been a gentleman when they were dating.  
  
With a sigh, Veronica turned to Sonia, lifting up her camera. She wasn’t going to think about any of it anymore. She had work to do. “Ready, Sonia?”  
  
Shooting Sonia Modi was an easier task than expected. Razia was right, her sister was trained and knew what to do, all Veronica had to do was capture her in various poses that showed off the shoes she was wearing. It was all a bit too easy and it was amazing that Razia probably got paid very well just to take photographs of beautiful people all day.  
  
Despite the ease of this specific project, Veronica knew full well that if she didn’t take the proper pictures, the entire shoot would be scrapped and it would most definitely be her fault. This was too much pressure. Her job was possibly at stake because of Razia’s stupid meeting.  
  
Then again, nothing was worse than screwing up a mission and losing sight of a mentally disturbed woman who has kidnapped her young son from his father. Nothing was worse than that.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
Veronica blinked at the sound of Sonia’s voice, looking up from behind the camera. “Yes?”  
  
“You, like, froze for a second,” Sonia reclined on the floor of the set, lifting her legs up and pushing herself up into a handstand, her eyes on Veronica. “So are you Hollywood’s girlfriend or something?”  
  
Veronica took the photograph, waiting for Sonia to change positions. “No.”  
  
“But you were. Razia told me- you want him?”  
  
“No,” Veronica responded with a chuckle. “We’re friends. I’ve known him since I was, like, twelve or something. We’re just friends.”  
  
Sonia smirked, falling to a seated position on the floor. She started to remove her shoes, her hair obscuring her face. “You protest too much. It’s okay to say he’s hot, I promise not to tell my sister.”  
  
Veronica laughed, shaking her head. “I don’t care if she knows I think he’s hot- _Logan_ knows he’s hot. No offense, but why do you even care?”  
  
She shrugged, glancing up at Veronica. “I saw the way you acted when he was in the room. It’s pretty obvious.”  
  
“Yeah, well what about your sister?”  
  
Sonia’s eyebrows rose. “Zee and Logan?” Veronica nodded, and Sonia shrugged. “They’re friends. I don’t think they’re going back together. It’s over.”  
  
Veronica smirked, leaning against the computer table, waiting for Sonia to finish up with the newest pair of shoes. “Well, I see them together and I think they’re pretty obvious. Why bother to even break up if you’re just going to fight about not being together?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“What?” Veronica repeated, remembering suddenly that she shouldn’t even be mentioning that fight, she wasn’t even supposed to be in the room. “I’m just saying. They seem pretty into each other.”  
  
Sonia giggled, shaking her head. “Yeah, well, she didn’t marry him when she had the chance, so I think they’re pretty over.”  
  
“Marry?” Veronica froze, attempting to suitably process the information she was given and boy, was it a big piece of info. Logan hadn’t mentioned anything of marriage regarding Razia, he hadn’t even given any sort of indication that their relationship had gone that far. This was a very big piece of the puzzle that was Logan’s past and she was shocked and almost furious that he hadn’t told her. He was going to tell her when he was ready- she was sure it was all a lie. Just mollifying her enough to get her off his back. “Marry?” she repeated.  
  
“Yeah, she totally left him high and dry, I’m actually pretty shocked they’re still friends. I wouldn’t be,” she smiled slightly. “But what do I know? I just got dumped.”  
  
“Sonia,” Veronica said abruptly, setting down the camera and quickly saving the files on the computer. “I think we got enough,” she smiled tightly as Sonia’s face fell and she shrugged helplessly, continuing her task of sending the files to both Brenda and Razia. “See, my dad’s sick and I have to go see how he is. I’ll call Razia and let her know...” she trailed off, sighing. “I’ll see you around.”  
  
Before Sonia could respond, Veronica had turned, walking to the exit. She shoved open the door, moving out into the hallway and she gasped slightly as the cool air from the air conditioning hit her.  
  
Sonia’s words were still spinning around in her head, repeating and coming back and it was all still foreign to her. Logan was going to marry that woman and for some reason she put a stop to it. Eight months ago they were set to be married and now? Now, there was still pent up aggression from whatever had happened between them. This was what Logan had been keeping from her.  
  
She wondered exactly what else in that apartment of Logan’s belonged to Razia.  
  
With a shake of her head, she rushed for the elevators, wanting more than anything to get out of there. She needed to talk to her father before she went to Logan’s place that evening. She needed to be prepared, any more surprises were going to kill her.  
  
“Veronica!”  
  
Veronica inhaled sharply at the sound of Brenda’s voice, spinning around to face her maker. With her luck, Brenda was about to fire her for skipping out early. She forced a smile on her face, throwing her shoulders back in an attempt to look relaxed. “Yes?”  
  
“Playing hooky? That is frowned upon so early into one’s employment.”  
  
“The photo shoot’s finished,” she lied, keeping Brenda’s stare. The last thing she needed was for her body language to betray her.  
  
Brenda’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Good. I have an assignment for you.”  
  
Veronica’s smile faded. “Another one?”  
  
“No, you were doing Razia’s assignment. This one is mine,” she held out the folders in her hand and Veronica was surprised at the toady that appeared, ready to receive the folders and take them away. “As you know, with Razia’s departure, you will be the first in line to take her job. Being that you are more or less her successor at the moment, consider this your first test.”  
  
As Brenda’s icy tone filled Veronica’s ears, she couldn’t help but dread what exactly Brenda was going to ask of her and wonder what exactly would happen if she refused. She wasn’t sure getting fired from two jobs in less than a year would do wonders for her employment chances anywhere else. She just hoped it wasn’t anything too mortifying.  
  
“Since it is Razia’s final year of employment and her family has provided us and society much influence in the arts, I would like you to do a pictorial on the Modi family. Her mother is a well-known model, her father an innovative artist, and even her siblings are in the arts. We want you to chronicle a couple of days in their lives for Talk magazine’s fifth anniversary issue.”  
  
“I just started. How can I get such a big assignment already?”  
  
“Razia recommended you over Mark.”  
  
Veronica stared at Brenda blankly, unwilling to believe she had heard her boss correctly. There was no way this wasn’t some sort of bad karma from something terrible she had done in her past life. At the moment, the last thing she wanted was to hang out with Razia’s perfect family. Despite her reservations, she found herself talking before her brain could catch up. “Fine. Sure. Yes.”  
  
Brenda nodded. “This is an important project for you. Your future at this magazine might depend on it.”  
  
With that, Brenda walked off, leaving Veronica standing there. Veronica nodded, reaching over and pressing the ‘down’ button. “ _Great_ ,” she muttered, her teeth clenching. “Just great.”  
  
With each passing floor, Veronica wondered how she was going to go about this. Logically, she had no reason to be angry with Logan- if he had wanted to marry some girl he had been with for about four years, then that was his decision. What happened to also be his decision was one where he didn’t tell Veronica about said engagement and how it ended. Again, she had to logically admit that he didn’t have to tell her, he didn’t owe her an explanation.  
  
All logic aside, she was still angry over the snub. Maybe it was because she didn’t have anything to counter it.  
  
Her heels clacked on the lobby floor as she headed for the building entrance, the noise mixing with the clacking of other shoes. It, or maybe the stress, was starting to give her a headache and all she wanted to do was get out of there and back to the apartment. She just needed to talk to someone that wasn’t Logan.  
  
The clacking stopped as she spotted an all too familiar blonde head approach. She clenched her hands into fists as Dick walked up to her, a big smile on his face. “Hello.”  
  
“Hey, Ronnie!” he looked her over, giving her a wink. “You’re looking hot today.”  
  
“Logan’s not in his office,” she said stiffly, ignoring his compliment. “He’s in a meeting.”  
  
“Yeah, I know that, my baby keeps me alert,” Dick held up the plastic bag in his hand and Veronica could make out folders inside. “Paperwork for Logan. I forgot to drop it off last night.”  
  
Veronica nodded quickly, trying to move past Dick. Her lips pressed together tightly in aggravation when he tilted over, blocking her path. “I have to go, Dick.”  
  
“Rita likes you, you know,” he said matter-of-factly. “For whatever reason.”  
  
“So?”  
  
“So, I would appreciate if you don’t hightail it out of Neptune any time soon. She needs a girl friend,” a pause. “And I’m trying to convince her to have a threesome which you’re totally welcome to join- in fact, she might do it if she has a friend.”  
  
Veronica blinked, feeling her annoyance start to bubble out of her area of control. “Dick.”  
  
“No, really, she might do it if you’re game,” he shrugged at her glare. “Or, if you want, you can just hook up with Logan and stick around. I figure we’ll get at least three more months out of you before you decide to bail.”  
  
“Who said I’m leaving?”  
  
“No one! It’s just common knowledge that you’re going to eventually bounce. You know how it is,” he leaned in close. “Maybe give Logan some lovin’, you know you’re good for that.”  
  
She inhaled sharply, lowering her head. “Okay, you need to stop and go back to respectful territory, Dick.”  
  
He laughed. “Come on, Ronnie! A blowjob here, some girl talk there- both Logan and Rita will be happy. It won’t kill you.”  
  
“Dick,” Veronica said through gritted teeth, looking up at the man. “You’ve done a lot of fucked up shit to me over the years. A lot of fucked. Up. Shit. Shit that you could’ve been arrested over,” her eyes narrowed as his smile faded. “You might have poor innocent Rita fooled but piss me off and I’ll make sure she knows every single detail of your life before her.”  
  
Dick looked nearly flustered now, giving Veronica a nervous smile. “Hey, listen, I don’t know who you think you’re talking to-”  
  
“Talk to me like that again,” she cut him off, her eyes unwaveringly hard on his, “And I’ll make sure Logan knows you got Beaver to rape me.”  
  
His smile was gone now and he chuckled humorlessly. “Veronica, I don’t know what’s your problem but that didn’t happen and you know it.”  
  
Veronica shook her head, the anger bubbling over now. “I know what happened and so do you, even if you decided to forget about it. Keep pushing me and I’ll tell Rita, and I’ll tell Logan. I will destroy you and you will be alone.”  
  
“I was just joking with you.”  
  
She paused, thrown off by the sudden quietness of Dick’s voice. She had expected indifference, maybe even some anger, but he looked downright scared at the mere threat of exposure. Thinking of all of Dick Casablancas’ close friends that she had seen or heard mentioned throughout her stay, she could recall Logan and Rita being the only ones Dick constantly hung around. She couldn’t even think of a time when Dick hung out with other people unless Rita was there, even the beach party had him constantly seeking out his girlfriend.  
  
With a sudden unwanted dread, Veronica realized Dick Casablancas only had Logan and Rita. They were his social network and she had threatened to take that away, all because of a joke. An offensive one, but a joke nonetheless.  
  
She wasn’t willing to forget what he had done all those years ago, but she could be forgiving to a point. Logan had been forgiven for his part in her rape, and while Dick hadn’t admitted fault like Logan had, he had something to lose. With that in mind, Veronica decided at that moment to let it go, but she would keep it as ammo. Just in case.  
  
“Just leave me alone, Dick,” she muttered, pushing past him. “I’m not in the mood.”  
  
Veronica hesitated for a moment, waiting for the joke she had practically given to Dick, but it never came. She turned around, catching Dick walking toward the elevator, not once looking back at her.  
  
She refused to feel bad about what she had just said, continuing her walk out the door. If anyone deserved to get her wrath, unwarranted or not, it was Dick Casablancas. That wasn’t going to change just because she was gone for a couple of years.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
This was the meeting Logan always hated: the year in review. It was a long and monotonous power point presentation in which the magazine’s “big names” sat down and reviewed what went right and what went wrong with the year’s issues. And that was before the finger-pointing started. Logan managed to have fun during the finger pointing, blaming people he didn’t even know, just to watch their expressions.  
  
He wasn’t the only one bored. Stacey was playing with her bracelet, Leon was checking his phone underneath the table, and even Brenda was inspecting her nails as Harrison talked, getting really excited about something that Logan had completely missed. Razia was usually the one paying attention, and even she was a goner, doodling on the back of Logan’s hand. He was grateful they were sitting near the back, drawing on co-workers was sure to be frowned upon.  
  
His hand currently rested on Razia’s thigh- actually, her palm which lay on her thigh- as she drew what looked to be a sun with swirls for rays below his index finger. They looked like they were pretty much holding hands and an outside party who didn’t know any better would most certainly make that error. At least her stupid boyfriend wasn’t around to glare him to death.  
  
He watched as Razia added a smiley face in the sun, big bubble eyes and all. “Kinda gay,” he said underneath his breath.  
  
She grinned before her hair fell over her face as she looked down, concentrating on her task at hand. “Be glad I don’t have a multi-color pen.”  
  
Harrison tapped on the table, pointing his pen at Razia. “Are you still giving us the exclusive on your book?”  
  
Her pen halted below Logan’s ring finger and she smiled tightly. “Of course. I just need to do the paperwork.”  
  
Harrison nodded, pleased with her answer, before continuing on with his spiel. Razia started on Logan’s fingers and he made a mental note to wash that hand before he went out in public. She turned the hand underneath his palm, spreading his fingers between hers, and they were _really_ holding hands now. It was fucking distracting.  
  
Logan wiggled his hand, trying to free himself from Razia’s grasp, trying to send the message that there was a line that they needed to not cross. It was time to be an adult and he might as well make the first move.  
  
Then, the sharp, burning pain as her pen tore into his cuticle. He had pulled too hard and too swift.  
  
He inhaled sharply, his jaw clenching at the pain rapidly increased. Instead of releasing him, Razia pulled a napkin from her bag, pressing it tightly to his wound and holding the napkin there. He stared at her for a long moment as she wrapped the napkin around his finger. She glanced up at him, giving him a brief smile before she finally let him go, mouthing a “sorry” as she cringed.  
  
He glanced down at his finger, watching the blood seep through the napkin. He finally tore the paper off before sticking his finger in his mouth and sucking. It was a bad habit that his mother had hated, but he wasn’t about to get blood on his suit.  
  
Thanks to the grace of whichever god was listening, Harrison finally ended the meeting a half hour early. As soon as everyone started to stand, Razia reached over, grasping Logan’s hand in hers.  
  
“I’m so sorry,” she said, glancing at the cut. “Does it hurt?”  
  
“Not anymore, I’m fine now,” he said softly, gently taking his hand away from her as he climbed to his feet. The line was being drawn.  
  
Razia sat there for a moment, visibly thinking about what had just happened before looking up at him. She smiled anxiously, uncrossing her legs before putting her bag on the table. “Are you mad at me or something?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Okay...” she trailed off, biting on her lower lip. “What’s up?”  
  
“Nothing,” he glanced around the room, his stomach clenching as Harrison waved him over. “I’ll talk to you later,” he said quickly, moving around the other employees trying to leave the room. He stopped in front of Harrison, giving him a weak smile. “Yes.”  
  
“Gordon from Harper Collins said you turned down the book deal.”  
  
The smile remained frozen on Logan’s face as he gave a short nod. “Yes. I did.” This was absolutely the last thing he wanted to talk about at the moment. “I don’t think it’s for me.”  
  
Harrison’s brow furrowed. “Looking for a better deal?”  
  
“No,” Logan chuckled, giving the man a shrug. “It’s just not for me. I’m happy doing what I’m doing, no additional attention directed at me required.”  
  
“You would make a lot of money, get the magazine a lot of acclaim.”  
  
He inhaled deeply, glancing over his shoulder and catching Razia walking out the door. He looked back at Harrison, giving him another shrug. He was going to keep it short and sweet, Harrison couldn’t corner him any further into this conversation if he refused to participate. “I’m not interested.”  
  
Harrison observed Logan’s expression for a long moment before nodding slowly. “That’s fine, but I think you should seriously consider Gordon’s offer. One book and you’ll probably be set for life.”  
  
“I’m already set for life,” Logan said with a breathless laugh, taking a step back.  
  
“If I’m to be frank,” Harrison continued, taking a step forward. “I think you’re making a mistake and wasting your potential. Your writings have spoken to, and inspired and entertained many over the last four years- I wouldn’t take it for granted. This could be your chance to speak to your masses. This is your chance to reach a new level of success.”  
  
“I’m happy and successful here,” Logan said, a bit too sharply, before taking another step back. He inhaled deeply, setting his shoulders back and relaxing his posture. “Sorry, I have to run. I have another meeting to go to.”  
  
Harrison’s eyebrows rose. “Another editor?”  
  
“An old friend,” Logan muttered before turning and walking toward the exit. He had to get home and prepare for Veronica’s arrival. If he was lucky, he’d be able to get a run in before she showed up. As long as he was out of the Talk building, he would be fine.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Veronica had a good amount of time before heading over to Logan’s place so they could talk. Knowing how they could be together, she had the feeling the talking they would be doing would be more of the fighting variety. She needed a game plan before she even entered his home. A good exit line was necessary, just in case he tried to get the last word.  
  
Hell, she needed to calm her nerves and regroup before she even set foot in her car. She was already planning the fight she wasn’t even sure they were going to have, it was ridiculous.  
  
Even though her brain was telling her to relax and think things through privately, she had ignored her own misgivings and drove right for the Mars Investigations offices, looking for answers. Her father should’ve been at home resting but she knew she would find him at the office- she had caught his casefiles on the kitchen counter on her way out the door. He couldn’t stay away for long.  
  
Ashley: Super Receptionist was seated at the front desk as she usually was weekday evenings, typing hastily as she peered over to an open folder resting to the left of her keyboard. Her shiny brown hair was swaying with each bob toward the computer screen, making her look like she was dancing in her seat. Her eyes lit up as Veronica walked in and for a second, Veronica hated her for being so cheerful and problem-free.  
  
“Hi, Veronica!” Ashley exclaimed, her swaying halted as she straightened up in her seat. “Are you here to see Mr. Mars?”  
  
“Yes,” Veronica said, heading straight for her father’s office.  
  
“Oh, he’s eating lunch,” Ashley called after her. “Let me just ring him up so he knows-”  
  
“It’s _fine_ , Ashley,” Veronica said sharply, turning the doorknob. She forced a smile on her face, throwing the door open. “Thank you.”  
  
There was a certain relief at seeing Keith actually eating lunch at his desk, rather than finding out that Ashley was lying so Veronica wouldn’t barge in like she already had. He lowered his sandwich down at the sight of her, looking almost guilty.  
  
“Hi,” he said, wiping at his mouth with his napkin. “I am working, you can’t stop me,” he said with a grin.  
  
Veronica didn’t return the smile, closing the door behind her. “Okay, enough is enough, dad,” she said, trying to keep her tone even. “I need to know why you and Logan are so intent on keeping his life a secret from me.”  
  
Keith stared at Veronica blankly, lowering his napkin. “It’s not my place to tell you.”  
  
She shook her head swiftly, walking across the room to his file cabinets. “Not good enough,” she tugged on the cabinets labeled ‘E-F,’ looking for a file for Logan.  
  
“Excuse me,” Keith stood, moving right for the cabinet. “ _Excuse me_ ,” he repeated sharply, shutting the file drawer. “You don’t work here- you do not have access to any of these private files,” he paused, his lips pressing together tightly. “What’s wrong, Veronica?”  
  
“Nothing. I’m fine,” Veronica said with a laugh, which came out more bitter than she had intended. “I’m just a bit frazzled,” she faced him, crossing her arms over her chest. “Did you know Logan was going to marry Razia?”  
  
He stared at his daughter questioningly, his brow furrowing as he answered slowly. “Yes, I did.”  
  
“And you didn’t think that was important enough to tell me.”  
  
“As I’ve told you many times,” Keith said with a heavy sigh. “It’s not my place to inform you of Logan’s life after you left. Ask Logan, please.”  
  
“Oh, I will,” Veronica said with a laugh, feeling the bitterness bubble over in her tone, the embarrassment creeping into a flush on her face. She knew she was unreasonably angry, knew that her father was right, but she ultimately couldn’t let it go. They had kept something from her and she was pissed.  
  
Keith watched as Veronica stomped toward the door, hesitating for a moment before starting to follow her. “Veronica, just talk to me. Is that why Logan hasn’t dropped by in a couple of days? Did you two have a fight?”  
  
“No,” she said shortly. “Everything’s fine. Everything’s wonderful. I’m going to go.”  
  
“Veronica, don’t do this,” Keith said, his voice rising with an emotion Veronica couldn’t place. Anger. Hurt. Fear. She didn’t know.  
  
“I just want to leave,” she said sharply.  
  
“No, you’re running away again. Stop pushing me away!”  
  
She laughed, not knowing what else to do. “I’m not pushing you away!” she cut herself off, her lips pressing together tightly as she tried to regain some composure and relax before the fight escalated and her father had another heart attack. She also had to keep in mind Super Girl was in the next room and could probably hear everything that was going on. “I just want to leave,” she repeated, her voice shaking.  
  
Keith nodded, crossing his arms over his chest, his face red. “Where are you going?”  
  
“I don’t know right now.”  
  
“I need to know where you’re going.”  
  
Veronica let out a sharp breath, shaking her head. “I’m not leaving Neptune,” her shoulders slouched as she flung the office door open. “I can’t be here right now,” she muttered, walking out before her father could say another word.  
  
 _ **Six Years Ago**_  
  
Logan’s eyebrows rose as Keith finished up the last line of Van Morrison’s Moondance, the elder man’s hand’s lifting with the final word, and he was finding it hard to keep from laughing in his face. Keith could hold a note like Veronica, but there was something vaguely embarrassing about a forty-something man getting so into a song that was at least thirty years old.  
  
He was sure Keith’s zest had nothing to do with feeling the lyrics and all to do with the six beers he had drunk beforehand.  
  
Keith stared at Logan expectantly and Logan could only shrug, lifting his glass of soda in salute. “Wow.”  
  
“That’s it? That’s all you got for me?”  
  
“I don’t think Harmony would be impressed,” Logan paused. “Get it. Your singing. Harmony. Irony.”  
  
“Ha, ha.” Keith slouched in his seat on the couch, rubbing his hand over his face. “Veronica loved that song when she was a kid.”  
  
Logan’s smile faded slightly at the mention of Veronica. It was a rare comment, Keith never talked about Veronica anymore, at least not to Logan. Even her bedroom door was kept shut, locked away at the end of the hall- it was like the room no longer existed. A year and a half after her exit and Keith had moved on without her, taking Logan with him.  
  
These nights of “bonding” were something Logan was getting used to, as much as he hated to admit it. He liked having someone to talk to. Hell, he just liked having someone there, someone who cared. He could tell Keith was getting attached as well- if he didn’t call, Keith took it upon himself to call first, to show up at the Grand, to invite Logan over. Keith’s closeness made Logan want to run away, to get far, far past any sort of affection or bond, but he never did, knowing full well that if he disappeared, Keith might be devastated.  
  
For whatever reason, he didn’t want Keith to suffer any more than he already had.  
  
“Yeah, well, Veronica also liked the Pokemon song, so there you go,” Logan muttered, wanting to change the subject as quickly and effortlessly as possible without Keith noticing.  
  
Keith didn’t seem to catch Logan’s abrupt change of mood, sighing heavily. “I thought she was my child, you know- the way she talked, the way she acted...” he trailed off, a frown on his lip. “I was scared she wasn’t mine because I wanted her so desperately to be mine.”  
  
Logan’s smile faded completely now as he grew uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. This was getting too deep for his company, too fragile for his ears. He had his own issues with Veronica, he didn’t need to know anyone else’s problems with her.  
  
“Deep down, I think I always knew she was my daughter,” Keith said softly, not noticing as Logan leaned away from him to the other side of the couch. “But as she grew, I saw more of Lianne in her. The way she smiled, the way she always looked sad and far away, the way she got angry, her coldness...she was becoming more and more like Lianne every day.”  
  
Logan didn’t respond, his eyes on Keith’s blank expression.  
  
“In the back of my mind, I guess I was just waiting for her to run like Lianne,” he chuckled sadly, shaking his head. “It took her nineteen years, but she finally did it.”  
  
“Why are you telling me this?” Logan muttered.  
  
Keith finally looked at Logan, meeting his gaze and he suddenly looked sober to Logan, like he hadn’t been drinking at all. “Because you of all people would understand thinking you are like one parent but being completely like the other.”  
  
Logan laughed nervously, giving a quick shake of his head. “I don’t...”  
  
“You might think you’re your father’s son, but you are your mother’s.”  
  
“What are you-”  
  
Keith leaned forward, his glassy eyes still on Logan’s. “The more I watch you, Logan, the more I see you. I see you, and I see your mother. The way you smile when you’re embarrassed, the way you looked at my daughter...even the way you roll your eyes. I look at you, and I see Lynn. You have her eyes, you know.”  
  
Logan swiftly realized that this conversation had turned into a rather uncomfortable, personal one; and probably one a sober Keith wouldn’t have had without a proper introduction. It freaked him out, he didn’t need to know how Keith really felt about either him or Veronica and he just wanted to forget about it. He didn’t need the knowledge that Keith saw his mother when he looked at him.  
  
Logan laughed anxiously, shaking his head and eager to change the subject. “Dude, you are so drunk.”  
  
Keith smirked in a way that was pure Veronica, and the previous conversation was as gone as Veronica was. “You’re not,” he shot back, gesturing at Logan’s glass.  
  
Logan glanced at the cup with a disappointed sigh, leaning back in his seat. “Yeah, this night blows.”  
  
A silence followed that made Logan even more nervous than he already was. Then, he was able to crack a smile when Keith let out a loud laugh.  
  
 _ **Now**_  
  
With each step, Logan could feel his muscles tighten and strain, pulling as he ran faster, lifting the small weights in his hands a bit higher. Sweat ran down his neck, down his back, soaking his t-shirt.  
  
Running was like a religion to Logan now. It kept him calm.  
  
He remembered jogging alongside his mother down the wooded area near their house when he was a child slowly growing into a man. Even if he was hung over from a night of partying with Lilly and company, even if he was running late for school, even if he was functioning on just two hours sleep- he would get up, put on his sneakers, and join his mother on her morning run.  
  
It had started when he was eight and never wanted to leave his mother’s side and she patiently waited for his little legs to catch up with her. As he entered his early teens, he was up and ready before she could drink her orange juice, gently pushing her towards the door. When he started junior high and began noticing Lilly Kane, their runs became less and less frequent. He wished he had noticed the slight loneliness in her eyes sooner, the burden of knowing her one friend was running past her. If he had, maybe she would’ve stayed.  
  
He ran faster now, knowing it was the only way he could get away from his past.  
  
As he approached his condo, he spotted a small blonde head leaning against a silver car in his driveway. With a slight flinch, he realized he was probably late for their talk. He slowed as he reached her, lowering the weights as his heart continued to race. “Hey,” he said, his words coming out a pant as he came to a stop in front of her.  
  
Veronica decided to offer him a weak smile, uncrossing her arms. “Hi.”  
  
“I’m late.”  
  
“No, I’m early,” she shook her head, glancing at his messy hair before returning her gaze to his. “I got into a fight with my dad,” she said, ignoring his heavy breathing. He gestured up the pathway to his front door and she pushed off her car, following him. “We’re both bitter old crones. I’m thinking of moving out.”  
  
Logan paused as he slipped the key into the lock, glancing at her. “Moving,” he repeated.  
  
She smiled tightly, giving a quick shake of her head. Again, it was assumed she was going to run away. “Not out of Neptune. Out of the Cliffs.”  
  
He didn’t respond, pushing the door open and allowing Veronica to step inside before walking in.  
  
“I was looking at apartment ads before you showed up,” she added.  
  
“Razia’s place has a couple of apartments open,” Logan muttered, throwing his keys on the counter before setting the weights down beside them.  
  
Veronica laughed slightly. “Yeah, if I want to pretend I’m one of the Hiltons,” she shrugged at his blank expression, no longer in the mood for small talk. “Not exactly in my price range.”  
  
He finally humored her with a smile. “You made good money as an agent.”  
  
“But I’m not loaded.”  
  
“Duly noted,” Logan ran his hands through his hair, nodding at the dining area. “I need to take a quick shower. Grab something to drink if you want, there’s some food in the cabinets, too.”  
  
She glanced over her shoulder at him as he walked down the hallway to his bedroom, catching his bare back as he pulled his shirt over his head. She immediately turned back around, moving into the kitchen. Her eyes drifted to the living room across the partition, her eyes falling on the Randy Modi painting still hanging on the wall. The Randy Modi painting of his elder daughter. The Randy Modi painting of his elder daughter whom Logan had _almost_ married.  
  
Before she could dwell, she opened the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of water and opening it. She closed the door with her hip, moving over to the cabinet next to the fridge. Curiosity got the better of her and she opened it, glancing around in an odd need to get a hint of his eating habits.  
  
Granola bars. Corn pops cereal. Fruit rolls ups. Chocolate chunk cookies. Potato chips. Lucky Charms cereal.  
  
Her gaze held on the Lucky Charms, her brow furrowing. If she remembered correctly, Logan wasn’t a Lucky Charms eater. In fact, he hated that cereal. It could’ve been Razia’s, but Veronica couldn’t recall seeing Razia eating any sort of cereal in the mornings- it was always fruit, coffee, cigarette, every morning.  
  
“See anything you like?”  
  
Veronica jumped, turning around and smirking at the sight of Logan’s wet hair sticking up in all directions. “Actually, no.”  
  
Logan caught her stare and he reached up, smoothing down his hair before gesturing at the table. “Sit.”  
  
“You showered quick.”  
  
He nodded, taking a seat across from her. “A gift I acquired throughout the years,” he sighed, leaning back in his chair. “So...” he trailed off, shrugging. “Where to begin.”  
  
“How about with whatever it is you’re hiding from me?” Veronica was surprised by her tone, she had intended for it to be sharp and reflective of her current no-bullshit stance, but instead it had come out rather gentle and inquiring and she wasn’t quite sure where that tone came from.  
  
Logan licked his lips slowly, pulling his cell phone out of his jeans pocket and taking a deep breath as he pressed a button before sliding it across the table to Veronica’s side. “She’s mine.”  
  
Veronica leaned forward, unsure of what he meant by that statement until she saw the wallpaper on his phone. A small child, a girl, her hair in pigtails, smiling brightly for the picture, a tiny tiara on her head. She stared harder, recognizing the girl from Razia’s sister’s Facebook album. A little bit older, but definitely the same face. “ _What._ ”  
  
“Her name is Mia,” he said slowly, hesitantly. “She just turned five.”  
  
Her gaze shot up to Logan’s and she could feel the flush of embarrassment, of anger, creeping onto her cheeks for the second time that day. “You and Razia.”  
  
“No. Razia doesn’t have any kids,” he said quietly.  
  
“Then whose? You told me you didn’t have any kids,” she said, ignoring the shake of her voice. “You lied to me.”  
  
Logan shook his head. “No. I told you I didn’t knock anyone up. That’s true.”  
  
She gave him a forced smile. “Okay, you didn’t lie. You omitted some truths- better?”  
  
He ignored her biting tone, continuing on. “It’s such a long story...I guess you can say I am _legally_ her father. She’s mine.”  
  
“You adopted her.”  
  
“Pretty much.”  
  
Veronica let out a shuddering breath, staring at Logan hard. He had tricked her into believing a truth that was also technically a lie- he managed to twist his words around so she couldn’t get mad at him since he technically told the truth. Despite his sneaky, shady ways which she should’ve expected by now, she was surprised by how hurt she was that he had held that extremely important information from her. That her father must’ve known the entire time.  
  
She sighed, defeated and unwilling to pick a fight with Logan at the moment, not after the fight with her father had drained her so. “Why didn't you tell me when we first met up, Logan?”  
  
He was quiet for a moment, frowning. “I choose not to tell anyone who’s not going to be in her life. It’s not cool for her...I think Razia leaving was hard enough- she had been there since Mia was a toddler.”  
  
“Who is her mother?” she frowned at the sudden press of Logan’s lips and she leaned forward, staring at him hard. “ _Who_ is her mother?”  
  
“Parker.”  
  
Veronica laughed, not knowing what else to do. “What- are you kidding me?”  
  
“It was a bad situation for Parker and it kind of worked out for the both of us,” he said swiftly. “I promise I will tell you the whole story-”  
  
“ _When_?”  
  
“Soon. As soon as I’m ready, which is very soon,” he glanced up at Veronica, and it was then, as she looked into his eyes, she realized just how nervous he was. How scared he was to be telling her this. “She’s my little lady and I love her and I promise, I will tell you all about her once I’ve got my head on straight. Just give me time.”  
  
Veronica’s jaw clenched, her gaze dropping to the phone still in front of her. The screen had blacked out but she could still see the little girl’s smiling face. “Where is she?” she asked quietly.  
  
“In Denver. With her mother.”  
  
“The Lucky Charms are hers.”  
  
He smiled slightly. “Yeah.”  
  
“Why aren’t they here?”  
  
“Environment and educational preferences.”  
  
She was quiet for a moment, his legs bobbing anxiously underneath the table. She wanted to scream and yell and throw his phone at him for being sneaky and a general chickenshit, but she stayed silent, remembering the fight with her father. She had to go about this differently. “I am _frustrated_ ,” she said carefully through gritted teeth, knowing it was the best attitude Logan was going to get out of her at the moment. “That you kept this from me for so long. I am _upset_ because I feel you lied to me in a completely underhanded way.”  
  
“Understood,” Logan said quietly. “And I’m really sorry for doing that. If I could do it over, I would’ve told you, Veronica, but to be honest, I wasn’t about to tell you if you were just going to ditch me again.”  
  
She laughed abruptly. “I wasn’t going to ditch you again!”  
  
“The night is young,” he said dryly. “I didn’t know what was going on with you, with us, and then we got distracted and busy and it was too late- I got scared, I guess,” his gaze lifted, locking on hers. “I don’t know what else to say.”  
  
Veronica shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you...”  
  
Logan sighed, glancing at the ceiling before meeting her gaze once more. “I’m honestly sorry, Veronica. If I would’ve known that this was more serious, then I would’ve told you, I swear to God. I just got scared and...” he trailed off, shrugging. “I messed up.”  
  
She inhaled deeply, slouching back in her seat. “What else you got?”  
  
“That is the most important piece of information that I have.”  
  
“Good,” she chuckled dryly, shaking her head. “Because I can’t handle any more shocks.”  
  
“That’s really the only big one I have.”  
  
“Will I meet her?”  
  
“Sure, eventually. When they come to visit,” Logan grew quiet and she could see him deep in thought. Then, he blinked, giving her a nervous smile. “Are we cool, then?”  
  
Veronica seriously considered his question, knowing before she responded what her answer was going to be. She had kept secrets from him before she left Neptune, had snuck around and snooped and she was sure he could’ve brought up any of those dubious moments but he chose not to, taking full responsibility for his stupidity. She could forgive him. “Yeah. I guess.”  
  
He nodded, reaching across the table and bringing his phone back to his side. “Are you still going to the party with me?”  
  
Her eyebrows rose at the sudden change of conversation. “As friends?”  
  
“Whatever you want.”  
  
Veronica’s jaw clenched and she bit back the sharp retort at his vague answer. “Fine. We’ll go as friends.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Can I ask you a question?” And there it was, Veronica’s mouth running off again before her common sense could catch up. She ultimately knew her next question was going to be none of her business, but it never stopped her before, so she didn’t see why it should stop her now.  
  
His gaze lifted from his phone. “Sure.”  
  
“You and Razia- what is going on?”  
  
“Absolutely nothing,” he said firmly. He looked down at his phone, unable to meet Veronica’s eyes for the answer. It was too intimate, something he didn’t want to discuss with anyone, not even Veronica. Not even Razia herself. “We were together for a couple of years. I loved her, she loved me, and then it ended.”  
  
“Why did it end?”  
  
Logan’s smile was brief. “We wanted different things. I wanted to get married and settle down...she’s not exactly the marrying kind. Never was.”  
  
Veronica examined Logan’s expression the best she could, unable to see his face fully as he checked his phone. He was consciously hiding his emotions from her, perhaps too embarrassed to share, and she found that more fascinating than the child reveal. There would be time to quiz him on his daughter- hell, she could even handle a kid running around. What was still unknown was his attachment to this woman whose departure still so clearly cast a shadow over him. “The breakup was mutual?”  
  
“No...but we wanted different things,” he murmured. “I thought I could convince her that marriage was going to be awesome. She’s just not the type to get married. I knew that from the beginning. It was my fault,” he smiled faintly. Sadly. “I guess I pushed her away.”  
  
His words hung there in the silence, he didn’t continue, and Veronica realized that this was the end of their conversation. He didn’t want to divulge anymore, that he had probably told way more than he wanted to, that he had revealed more weakness than he had intended.  
  
He still hadn’t looked at her.  
  
There was something so sad in Logan’s expression, he was indeed as lonely as she was, with as many secrets as she had. He had barely talked about his daughter but she had seen the warmth in his eyes, the shift in tone, when he had mentioned her. She saw the same when he talked about Razia. These were still open wounds.  
  
She wasn’t going to press him anymore. Not tonight, at least.  
  
Veronica finally sighed, straightening up in her seat. This was going to be her effort- she was going to show Logan that she could be open and friendly. Maybe she was just tired of fighting. She needed a friend, and even though Logan had his jackass tendencies, she knew that he honestly and truly hadn’t meant to hurt her. He was protecting himself. “So, are you going to get me some dinner or what?”  
  
Logan’s gaze finally lifted, and there was a genuine smile on his face, albeit a small one. “What do you want?”  
  
“Some Chinese would be _awesome_ ,” she smiled as he nodded, climbing to his feet. “Good Chinese, I mean.”  
  
“I’ll get the menu.”  
  
Veronica nodded, her grin fading as he walked out of the kitchen. As she sat there alone, watching him walk to the living room, she had the feeling she had stepped into something bigger than she was ready to handle.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica hung up with phone with a loud slam, unable to control her exhilaration. She was terrified and thrilled all the same, feeling more alive in the last five minutes than she had in the last ten years.

_**Six Years Ago** _

“Get this,” Logan grinned brightly, his elbow jutting out and holding the elevator door open before it shut. The frazzled mother nearly dragging her son into the elevator gave him a grateful smile. He returned it briefly before returning to his phone conversation. “Someone you know, some handsome, witty, prize of a man, just scored an A on his psychology essay. Since you’ve chosen to turn off your cell on your date with Harmony, you’ll just have to celebrate on your own since I will also be on a date. Be proud of me later. Wear a condom tonight- I will be.”

He hung up his call, shoving his phone into his pocket as he observed the child hopping on one foot in front of him, then the other. The bathroom dance. Bathroom boy’s mother ignored his dancing, continuing to dig in her purse before finally pulling out a room card. She was dressed in a business suit and probably coming from that big corporate convention in the lobby or something. Her son was in khaki slacks and a white button down, his blue tie already being worn as a headband that he pulled on as he danced. On his wrist was a green plastic watch, a familiar cartoon on its face.

“Bradley, stop it,” the boy’s mother hissed, tugging on his shirt. “We’re almost there.”

Logan inched forward, glancing down at the child, still doing his dance. He was risking the title of creeper with this gesture, but he was in a good enough mood to try to alleviate this woman’s stress. “Which turtle?” The boy stopped his dance, looking up at Logan quizzically. His mother gave Logan the same confused stare, and Logan shrugged. “I was always partial to Michelangelo myself.”

It was like a light bulb went off in the boy’s head and his eyes lit up. “I like Donatello! My mommy got me the toys- they’re in my room!”

“Ah,” Logan nodded, giving Bradley’s mother a quick smile. “Do you have the weapons? I used to have a pair of nunchucks- whacked my sister a couple of times.”

The boy giggled, glancing at his mother, and she rolled her eyes. “He’s always hitting his older sister with his weapons. We’ve had to take them away, haven’t we, Bradley?”

Logan found himself responding inaptly, unsure of where to take the conversation at that point without seeming morbid or too creepy. “At least he’ll know how to defend himself,” he said slowly, opting to instead be only mildly inappropriate.

The woman managed to give him a weak smile as the elevator doors opened and she pulled on her son’s arm. “Well, you have a lovely evening.”

“I will,” Logan muttered as the doors closed, a sigh escaping him.

His social ineptitude was almost embarrassing- little kids were one thing; they rarely ever allowed an awkward moment. Girls were also easy, compliments and self-deprecation always did the trick. Talking to actual adults without making them uncomfortable was another level of interaction all together. Even his talks with Keith dipped into a rather murky territory during certain points of conversation. He was learning to be more open, more polite, smile more, stop crossing his arms, stop shoving his hands in his pockets, stop looking away, make eye contact, and everything else Keith said was necessary to operate in normal conditions within society.

He was sure Keith didn’t have room to talk about acceptable social standards, considering his own daughter wasn’t exactly the warmest individual, but he was willing to entertain Keith’s suggestions.

The elevator stopped on Logan’s floor and he stepped out, his eyes adjusting to the dim lighting of the Presidential suite. The floor was oddly comforting- no one ever bothered him, he rarely ever saw Dick, and it was nice and quiet. He couldn’t complain.

His thoughts shifted to his date for the evening. Sasha-something from his psychology class. She had taken the initiative and asked him out, having gotten sick of waiting for him to hit on her after weeks of small talk and flirting. He had to admit he was a bit psyched; she was definitely good-looking, although not his usual type. Ultimately, he couldn’t kid himself- every girl was his type, it had just been an embarrassingly long drought between dates. Or one night stands masquerading as dates. He had just simply been too busy to date. He blamed Keith.

His phone vibrated and he pulled it out of his pocket, checking the text from Dick. Once you go black you can’t go back. I’ll be at leigh’s. Good luck.

He grinned at the sight of the message, quickly deleting it and shoving the phone back into his pocket as he turned the corner, inspecting the cuff of his sleeve as he walked. He wondered how long he had to get ready before his date showed up.

A loud sniff got Logan’s attention and he realized he wasn’t alone. His fortress of solitude was compromised. He froze at the sight of Parker crouched at his door, her pale face tear-stained. Parker who he hadn’t seen in over a year. Parker who had dumped him and left his place in tears like she was now. Parker whose hair was longer and darker and it was all he could focus on even as she sat there crying.

“Hi,” he said dumbly.

Her eyes lifted as she sniffed again. “Your hair is so long,” she finally said, wiping at her face.

Logan stood there awkwardly in front of her as she climbed to her feet, shrugging and suddenly growing embarrassed by his hair, which had grown and now fell over his forehead, a style he had stopped wearing when he was fourteen. Haircuts were another thing he hadn’t found time for until Keith’s life-altering regime. “It’s not that long,” he mumbled, glancing down at the ground. “I guess you don’t like it.”

He frowned as she shook her head, tears welling in her eyes once more. This wasn’t a normal, random visit among friends. Something was terribly wrong with her, he had never seen her so worn, even when they were breaking up and she was a heartbroken girl fleeing from his presence. “Parker? What’s going on?”

Parker’s mouth opened and closed as she struggled to form the words, her lips finally pressing together tightly as she inhaled sharply through her nose. “I have nowhere else to go,” she said, her face crumbling.

 

_**Now** _

“I am so happy you invited me, Veronica,” Rita said loudly, making herself heard over the chatter of teen girls in the boutique. She smiled at Veronica, her right arm trailing behind as she dragged Dick through the store. “I don’t have that many girl friends so this is a treat. All we ever do is hang out with Dick’s stupid friends who just mooch and we both know Logan’s not bad but the rest of them? No thank you. And all their girlfriends are skanks. All the girls at work are married with kids, most of them, so I’m out of luck. Where are you doing, again?”

“Company dinner,” Veronica said, side-stepping to avoid a bunch of running jocks. “Logan said there’s some schmoozing, meet and greets-”

“Oh my God!” Rita squealed, grabbing Veronica’s arm with her free hand. “I’ve been to one of those! Razia, his ex? She came down with food poisoning so he asked if I wanted to go. I fit into her dress perfectly, and it was so much fun.”

Dick pushed his way between the two women, rolling his eyes. “It was fun because you were out of your safe zone, babe,” he glanced at Veronica. “Logan’s always bored. It’s a lot of bullshit, he says.”

Rita picked up a red satin dress, holding it up in front of Veronica, who crinkled her nose as she shook her head. Rita put the dress back, looking through the rack. “Okay, to me it was cool. What size are you?”

Veronica shrugged. “A small, I think. Maybe a medium?”

Rita nodded, continuing on. “So you meet people from other magazines, other areas of media, like radio, movies, books, and so on. All these people wanting to get a piece of the magazine, like a job or a mention or a kind word. And all the while, Talk magazine pats itself on the back for being so awesome and you mingle and it’s great. And there’s excellent wine.”

Veronica shook her head when Rita held up a coral evening gown, taking it out of her hands and putting it back on the rack. “No bright colors. It’s a dinner, not a party.”

“Oh, so you want a little fancy black dress, hm? I get it,” Rita grinned, her tongue sticking out between her teeth as she pulled a dress from the rack with a flourish. “Ta-da!”

She glanced down at the dress in Rita’s hands, shaking her head. “Too sexy.”

“What? No...” Rita glanced down at the black dress, looking almost offended on its behalf. “Welcome to the grown up world, Veronica Mars. This is a beautiful, sexy, adult dress,” she shoved the dress at Veronica, pointing at the fitting room. “Try it on. Own it.”

Getting into the fitting room was simple. Getting herself into the dress required a certain willpower since she was forced to look at herself in the mirror to fix it properly on her body. The dress was definitely black, long with thin straps and a tight, silk bodice, a slit running from the bottom of the skirt up to just a couple of inches below the hip. The bodice pushed whatever breasts Veronica had up without being trashy, just enough cleavage to tease. The dress itself clung to everything she had and it looked too pretty to even wear.

As her hands ran down the expensive material, her gaze lowered, she was unable to properly look at herself. This was definitely a “grown up” dress, accentuating every dip and curve of her body and she was momentarily grateful that she had kept in shape. She turned to the side, allowing her eyes to examine this new angle. At the very least, the dress was stylish enough to help her fit in at the party.

She had worn sexy, elegant dresses like this on cases, to dates that ended with her slipping out on the poor fools who had fallen for her without seeing that wall up around her; she had never felt like she owned those dresses, though. They had always worn her as she played a part: The Escort, The Government Agent, The Partner, The Girlfriend, The One Night Stand, The One That Got Away.

She wasn’t exactly sure what she was for this company party. Logan hadn’t bothered to help in that department. If they were going as friends, then this dress was definitely way too sexy and it was going to give off the wrong impression. If Logan was expecting more, then the dress was a tease, enough to slowly drive him crazy. She knew he liked the mystery, this dress would definitely do the trick.

With a sigh, Veronica flung open the curtain, facing Rita. “Truthfully?”

Rita’s mouth dropped as she stood, her hands flying to the sides of her face. “Veronica! You look so beautiful!”

Veronica gave Rita a look, in no mood for empty compliments. “No, really. How does it look?”

“I swear to you, it’s gorgeous. You’re one sexy bitch,” Rita walked over, gently gathering Veronica’s hair and pulling it back. “Loose bun, keep some strands out,” she grinned at Veronica. “Red lipstick. Dark red.”

“Shoes?”

“Strappy heels. I’ll lend you some,” Rita exhaled, releasing Veronica’s hair. “You’re going to look so gorgeous!”

Veronica stifled her surprise as Rita embraced her, allowing herself to hug the woman back. “Thank you for coming,” she said quietly, unable and unwilling to express the gratitude that lingered just underneath the surface. Rita had been one of the first people to be completely welcoming of her and Veronica had no doubt Rita had heard stories about her and had read the true crime books and she still treated Veronica as if they were the best of friends. It was nice.

Later, as Veronica sat with Dick and Rita at Chasm for lunch, her new dress tucked safely in her car, she found herself leaning back in her chair and saying the words she hadn’t spoken out loud to anyone, even her father, since she had found out. “So, Logan told me about his daughter.”

Even as she spoke, the phrase seemed foreign to her. She couldn’t even imagine the words “Logan” and “daughter” in the same sentence, and yet it was true and it had been true for five of the seven years she had been away. He had been a father since he was twenty years old. He had probably changed diapers, pushed strollers, bought little doll clothes, and stayed up for nights at a time taking care of an infant. She couldn’t make the connection. Not her Logan.

The reality of it probably wouldn’t hit her until she saw the child herself.

Dick breathed a sigh of relief, glancing at the ceiling. “Thank God- it was getting hard to not mention the little monster.”

Veronica’s eyebrows rose. “The little monster?”

“Ignore him, Mia is a sweetie,” Rita said before Dick could respond. “He’s just mad because Logan and Parker don’t allow him to be alone with the baby.”

“How is Parker?” Veronica asked shortly, surprised at herself for being so annoyed at the mere mention of Parker’s name, at the thought that Parker more or less ruined Logan.

Rita nodded, taking a sip of her beer. “She’s a receptionist at some doctor’s office in Denver. She used to work at a dentist here, but when she moved...” she trailed off, shrugging. “She was supposed to go back to school, but Logan hasn’t really mentioned anything beyond that.”

“She’s still hot,” Dick offered. “Her hair is brown, but she’s got her shape back. The baby had her looking rough for a while.”

Veronica gave Dick a look before picking up her fork. “I’m curious- did Razia know about Parker? Is that why she broke up with Logan?”

“No!” Rita snorted, letting out a small laugh. “Parker and Razia were chill- Razia took care of Mia all the time, she loved her.”

“Hey,” Veronica leaned forward, seeing the opportunity opening up for her as Rita and Dick became more open and relaxed as they talked and continued to drink. “What else do you know about Razia?”

Dick nodded. “Razia...she’s hot. Indian chick from England. Or her mom was from England. Fuck it- someone in that family is from England. She grew up in New York or something,” he looked confused for a moment. “Who knew Indians came from England, right?” He was oblivious to Veronica rolling her eyes. “Anyway. Logan fell for her. Hard. He was in love with her and shit, he was totally whipped. He was in love with a hippie.”

“Hipster!” Rita corrected him sharply. “Hipster! And I don’t think hipster means what you think it means. Neither does hippie.”

He rolled his eyes, waving Rita off. “Whatever, she’s a liberal.”

Veronica ignored the bickering, slouching in her seat. “He was into her, huh,” she laughed dryly. “It’s typical, really. Logan has this type and every time-”

“Dude, you can be pissy all you want,” Dick interrupted her, smirking. “But he was embarrassingly in love with her. What’s your problem with her anyway? She’s a cool chick.”

“I don’t have a problem with her!” Veronica said with a laugh. “He just falls in love so quickly, it’s comical! Every time we broke up, he hooked up with someone and magically fell in love with them- I swear he was projecting.”

“What- so you think he only fell in love with this girl because of you?” Dick chuckled. “Please. Logan and Razia were fated or whatever. Even if you had stayed here and continued torturing him for years, he would’ve met this girl. He probably would’ve dumped you and hooked up with her.”

“Fate?” Veronica repeated, blinking in dismay over Dick’s stupidity. “You think it was fate?”

Rita sighed, resting her chin on the heel of her hand. “It’s kind of romantic, the way Logan tells it...”

“What’s romantic?”

Rita grinned, leaning forward. “Their first meeting. There was a Halloween party and he saw her across some table- no, he saw her eyes first, looking back at him,” she waved her hands at Veronica. “I’m no good at telling the story, ask Logan.”

Veronica didn’t respond, instead choosing to glance down at her watch. She was suddenly in a bad mood, and she had no idea why. “I have to get back to work,” she muttered.

* * * * *

 

“Dad?” Veronica called hesitantly as she walked into the Mars Investigations office, her bags knocking into her thigh as she shut the door. There was no response and she wondered for a moment where Ashley was before remembering the girl did attend high school for most of the day.

She glanced at her watch before shoving her keys back into her purse, noting the time as her father’s lunch time and the main reason why the office was locked. She quickly shut the door, knowing full well she shouldn’t still have a copy of the office key to begin with and an open door would probably alarm her dad before he decided to yell at her.

They hadn’t spoken since the night Veronica found out about Logan’s prodigal daughter several days ago, the art of avoiding each other made easier by two full time jobs and different work and social schedules. On the bright side, avoiding her father made Veronica more social at work and with Rita and she was pretty certain she was developing into quite the social butterfly. Drinks and dinner were had with the interns who didn’t exactly have it out for her, she stayed late to help Razia and Brenda out in the studio, and she even allowed Preston to buy her lunch a couple of times.

Notably absent in Veronica’s newly established social circle was Logan, who remained busy trying to meet deadlines and getting dragged into meetings and dinners with his boss and other executives. From what little she had heard from Razia and other gossip, the CEO of Talk was pushing Logan to turn his columns into a book as they had with Razia and had even planned to have a special documenting two of their star employees as their work was published. Unfortunately for them, Logan had other plans.

Throwing her bags on the couch, Veronica walked past the receptionist desk and into her father’s office, looking around. Her father’s chair was pushed back and there was an open file on his desk; Veronica couldn’t resist the temptation, circling the desk and taking a seat in his chair. She glimpsed at the file, a simple background check, and quickly lost interest.

She reclined in her seat, using her hips to swing the chair left, then right, her eyes drifting to the ceiling. The heel of her Rita-approved shoe rapped on the wood floor, halting abruptly when the phone on the desk rung, filling the silent office with its shrill alert. The chair swung in the direction of the phone and she stared at it as it rung a second time, then a third.

Before she could second-guess herself, Veronica picked up the phone, inhaling sharply before she spoke. “Mars Investigations, how can I help you?”

“Yes, I am looking for a Keith Mars,” a low voice came, a trace of a British accent in the woman’s tone.

She found herself reaching for the notepad on her father’s desk, quickly pulling off a sheet of paper. “He’s at lunch, can I take a message?”

“I don’t know, can you?”

Veronica smiled tightly, snatching up a pen from the desk. “May I take a message?”

“I believe my husband is cheating on me. He is a lawyer at the Peyton and Biggs firm in downtown Neptune and hasn’t called me in two days.”

Her brow furrowed as she stopped taking notes. “Shouldn’t you call the police department and file a missing persons report?”

The woman laughed bitterly. “No. He’s still using his credit cards. There was a recent charge for a hotel at the Camelot. And then there are the charges to Victoria’s Secret and I do not wear Victoria’s Secret.”

“Maybe you should-”

“Miss, I’m not asking for your advice,” the woman said crisply. “I am asking for assistance in catching my husband and the whore he’s obviously screwing. I will pay whatever needed to ensure the truth. Can Keith Mars help me? What are your rates? Is he certified to take this case or not?”

Veronica was quiet for a moment, considering what the woman was asking. She reveled in the familiarity of the case and already her mind was racing with ways to catch this cheater, with what camera she would use, which recording equipment, if she would go undercover or follow him; and suddenly, she was excited. “Actually, I think I can help you. I’m Keith Mars’ partner.”

She was stunned into silence at her own boldness, knowing full well if her father caught her, he would be furious. She was most definitely stealing a case from him. She wasn’t even sure if she was still certified in California as a private investigator. Regardless of the technicalities, she felt deep inside that she wanted this case, she wanted to know if she still had it.

“Fine,” the woman said, a sigh escaping her. “What are your rates?”

“Two thousand down, an additional three thousand if I get you your proof,” Veronica said immediately.

“Five thousand? Isn’t that steep?”

“You just said you would pay whatever needed, and if I can’t find anything, you get to keep your three grand,” Veronica said firmly. “I would like to meet with you to discuss your case. Can you meet me at that restaurant in downtown Neptune, Chasm, this Saturday at six?”

The woman hesitated. “Y-Yes. Isn’t it too public?”

Veronica shook her head. “It’s just two girls having a night out. What is your name?”

“Natasha. Natasha Levinson.”

“Okay, Natasha Levinson, I will need you to e-mail me a contact number and a photo of yourself so I can identify you at the restaurant. My e-mail is, I hope you have a pen ready, vmars- that’s v-m-a-r-s, at g mail dot com,” Veronica was almost breathless with excitement as she talked, settling into the familiarity of the scenario. Please e-mail me within the next twenty-four hours so I know you’re still game.”

“Got it. I will be there.”

“Perfect. See you then, Mrs. Levinson,” Veronica hung up with phone with a loud slam, unable to control her exhilaration. A party on Friday and an honest-to-God case on Saturday. She was terrified and thrilled all the same, feeling more alive in the last five minutes than she had in the last ten years.

With a small, satisfied grin, she ripped her notes off the pad, making sure to rip off the next couple of pages so her father couldn’t see the indentations. Already she was thinking of what to wear when she met Natasha Levinson, what to bring. Maybe her resume? Old case photos? A gun? Her FBI ID? She needed to impress.

Her excitement was halted as the front door clicked open and she tilted forward, glancing out the door. A shadow stretched out on the wall, too big to be Ashley’s, too tall to be her father’s. She opened her father’s desk drawer slowly, carefully, pulling out the gun she knew was always there.

They had been robbed once before, when her father first rented out the place, and after that the gun was as much of a mainstay in the office as his certification on the wall. If someone was planning on robbing the office again, they were going to get a surprise in the form of a tiny blonde with a gun and hand-to-hand combat skills.

Veronica slowly stood, moving from behind the desk and towards the lobby, the gun held in both hands in front of her. She swung around the door, holding the gun out, ready to fire. In front of her, Logan jumped, his hands flying up. She lowered the gun with an angry huff, shooting him a glare. “Logan! You scared the crap out of me!”

“Yeah? You scared the crap out of me!” he exclaimed, lowering his hands. “Put the gun away!”

She set the gun down on the receptionist desk before crossing her arms over her chest. “How did you get in here?”

“I have a key.”

Veronica shot him a look. “You. You have a key. To this office.”

“Yes,” he said as if it should’ve been obvious. “Just in case,” he paused, glancing at the gun. “Clearly, the key wouldn’t have defended me against a bullet, but I digress. I didn’t know you still had a key.”

She picked up the gun, carrying it back into the office and putting it back in its drawer. She walked back to the lobby, feeling her pocket to make sure her case notes were still there. “What are you doing here?”

“I saw your car outside,” he started toward the door. “Come with me.”

She frowned, watching him cautiously before following him out the door. “Where are we going?”

Logan walked down the steps hurriedly, holding the front door open for Veronica. “I know you said you were looking at apartments, so I did some grunt work and found this place downtown, near Chasm. They’re relatively new, in a good neighborhood. I spoke with the landlord and-”

She shook her head, already getting an idea of where he was going with the conversation. “No. No, you can’t buy me an apartment.”

He slowly grinned, giving her a look as they walked out onto the sidewalk and toward his car. “Come on, I don’t like you that much. I just found one for you,” she hesitated at the passenger door of his car and he leaned over, opening it for her. “It’s not much, just a studio apartment, but I know how much you like being alone, so...” he trailed off, winking at her as she climbed into the car.

Veronica smiled to herself as he shut the door before walking around to the driver’s side. She was surprised at his motivation and his quickness in finding an available apartment. She already knew if she liked it, she would sign the lease. Out of all the things that were a mess in her life, this was one she could fix easily.

Telling her father the news was another problem all together.

As they drove toward this magical apartment in downtown Neptune, Veronica enjoyed the comfortable silence that had settled between them, watching as Logan drummed along to the song playing on the radio on the steering wheel.

She inhaled deeply, turning to face him. “So you’re a dad, huh?”

Logan slowly grinned, giving her a quick shrug. “It’s a scary thought, I know. I’m still kind of shocked myself.”

“Where’s all her things?” she frowned slightly, realizing from her brief visits to Logan’s place that there had been no indication that a child even lived there. It could’ve been one of the reasons why she still couldn’t grasp the idea of Logan having a daughter- aside from the picture, there was no visible proof of it.

“In her room, pictures are in my office- I need them there the most,” he said quietly. She stared at him quizzically, and he glanced at her, smiling slightly. “I do it for her.”

“Do what?”

“Everything.”

Veronica shifted uncomfortably in her seat, surprised at the sudden intimacy of his response. He seemed more at ease and relaxed now that his secret was out, but she hadn’t expected that kind of candidness from him so soon. She needed to change the subject and of course, she spoke before she thought, going right for possibly the most inappropriate topic at hand. “So you and Razia seem to be cool with each other again. You guys get over your fights easily.”

“Yeah, we’re like that,” Logan said nonchalantly, turning a corner. “The fight was over pretty quick, she came over-” he cut himself off abruptly, his mouth shutting with a click.

Her smile faded. “What?”

He hesitated, clearly, obviously, trying to think of the right words to say. “After the party. She came over and we talked,” he said slowly, carefully. “And she slept over.”

Veronica blinked rapidly, the conversation going in yet another direction she didn’t want it to go and she couldn’t stop the jealousy from overwhelming her. It was unwarranted jealousy, she knew that. She had no say in what Logan did or said with another else, especially his ex-girlfriend, but she couldn’t help but be the slightest bit angry. After all, this was the same guy who made it as clear as he could that he didn’t want to be just friends at the moment, or at least, he didn’t know what he wanted with her. “You slept with her?”

Logan glanced at Veronica anxiously, stopping at a red light. “N-No. Yes. I didn’t fuck her, if that’s what you’re asking. We slept in the same bed. That’s it.”

She sat there silent for a moment, resisting the urge to blow up at him. Here he was winking and smiling and joking and flirting with her in his way that had always made butterflies flutter in her stomach and at the same time, he was having what could only be described as this emotional affair with his ex-girlfriend. She couldn’t help but be miffed. “How long has it been since you’ve done that?” she asked shortly.

“Eight months.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“Would you believe me even if I said no?”

Veronica didn’t respond, noticing how hard she was clenching her fists on her lap. She loosened her grip, wiggling her fingers to release the tension. “Why didn’t you just sleep with her? She was right there, right?”

He was quiet for a couple of seconds longer than needed or expected, his face dulling until it was a blank slate. The light turned green and he sped on toward the apartment building. “Because it would’ve mattered.”

“And me?” she demanded abruptly. “Why didn’t you sleep with me that night?”

“It would’ve mattered,” Logan said softly. “I wasn’t going to do that to you. Or her. Or myself,” he paused, pulling to a stop in front of a white building. “Or us.”

Veronica was stunned into silence by his candor, this emotional honesty that made his feelings toward her and Razia so clear in just a couple of words. He still had feelings for Razia, she could see that from a mile away, but he also felt something for her. Instead of feeling elated at the thought, she felt confused. Nothing in his statement indicated anything other than concern for her well-being. He was revealing and purposely vague all in the same sentence, and she didn’t know what to make of it.

“No,” she said shakily unbuckling her seatbelt as he put the car into park. “You can’t do that. Tell me what that means. This all can’t be in my hands, okay? What do you want of me?”

He glanced at his lap, a look of heavy shame on his face for just a moment. “I don’t know.”

She leaned over, slapping his arm lightly and getting his attention. “What do you want of me?” she repeated.

“I want to be friends again!” he exclaimed with a slight laugh of dismay. He lifted his head, staring at her. “Look, give me a break, okay? I can’t make this decision for us, this is just something I need to play by ear so neither one of us gets hurt.”

“One of us is going to get hurt if we’re not on the same page, Logan.”

“I want us to be friends. And I want to take this slow because I do not know what the hell I want right now,” Logan said firmly. “And that is the truth.”

She nodded quickly, her jaw clenching as she opened the car door. She was getting angry again and it was once again for a reason unknown. Logan wanted to take it slow and that was fine, but she wasn’t in control and it was starting to freak her out. She had always been in control of their relationship and now, the ball was firmly in Logan’s court. She hated it. “Okay. Fine.”

He followed her out of the car, rushing ahead and opening the building door for her. “Don’t get pissy, all right?” he muttered as they walked into the lobby. “I honestly think it’s stupid if we just jump right back into old ways...we don’t even know each other.”

Veronica let out a laugh of disbelief, glancing up at him. “We’ve known each other for years!”

“I don’t know who you are,” he said simply, stopping at the security desk. “And you don’t know me at all.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked quietly as the security guard turned to face them.

“You know exactly what it means,” Logan fixed a smile on his face. “Hi, I’m Logan and this is Veronica. We’re here to see Jeff about a studio apartment- he’s expecting us.”

As the security guard picked up the desk phone, dialing a number, Veronica found herself growing even more miffed by Logan’s assessment of their current standing. It was presumptuous and his words cut, whether he had intended them to or not. A lot of things he said and did managed to hurt as of late.

“You’re right,” she said icily, crossing her arms over her chest. “You don’t know me,” she ignored him as he glanced down at her. “And it’s better if you don’t.”

Logan blinked rapidly, his jaw clenching at her words and yet he decided not to respond. Then, because he knew he just couldn’t get her get the last word in their little pissing match, “You’re assuming a lot about the extent of my interest in you.”

Veronica scowled at his comeback and his triumphant smirk wasn’t lost on her as Jeff the landlord approached them with a smile and a wave, and both she and Logan grinned, the performance already in place.

She had to admit, Logan had an eye for apartments. The studio Jeff the landlord showed them was on the third floor, small but not too small, with wood floors. A large window stretched from ceiling to floor, one side of the wall to the other, and overlooked the park across the street. The bathroom was surprisingly spacious, and there was a large wooden framework near the windows, presumably for the bed. The kitchen was tiny and separated from the rest of the apartment by a counter, but she doubted she would use it that often.

Logan walked around the small kitchen, leaning against the counter as Veronica continued to look around the small space. “How much is it a month?” he asked, his voice echoing in the room.

Jeff grinned at Logan as he followed Veronica as she walked toward the bathroom once more. “Usually it’s twelve hundred, but since our lady here is one of our nation’s finest, I will give it to her for nine.”

Veronica turned, glancing at Logan, and he raised his eyebrows at her. “That’s a steal,” she said, her mind already made up. Minutes from her father’s apartment and her job, in a nice neighborhood, a space to call her own.

Logan nodded. “A definite steal.”

She faced Jeff, giving him a grin. “I think you need to get the paperwork,” she said, reaching for her purse. “How much is the deposit?”

Jeff was already heading for the door, walking backwards as he winked at her. “We figured you were going to love it, your boyfriend took care of the deposit.”

Veronica turned and faced Logan, unable to hide the look of shock on her face. “Logan,” she said sternly. “I said no.”

“I never said I didn’t like you at all,” he muttered, not moving from his spot in the kitchen, the pads of his fingers tapping on the kitchen counter. “Consider this a gift.”

“I’ll pay you back.”

“I won’t accept it.”

Veronica lowered her gaze, allowing the chill from their previous argument to melt away, and allowing herself to accept his olive branch in the form of a deposit. “Thank you,” she replied as her eyes lifted and she found herself flushing as she caught his eyes on her, burning into her.

A ghost of a smile played on Logan’s lips, a curiously sexy smile, a mysteriously alluring smile, and she found herself drawn to it, wanting to kiss it right off his face. As she stared back at him, meeting his gaze and unable to look away, something in his eyes changed. They darkened in that way she always associated with the look before the kiss, the look before he left her breathless and trembling and all she could do was hold her breath as they stood across the room from each other.

He tapped the counter steadily, his eyes on hers and with each tap she remembered. His hands on her skin. Tap. Her gasp as his lips brushed over her neck. Tap. The way her body instinctively moved toward his touch. Tap. His groan as he moved inside her. Tap. The feel of her body heating up, the arch as he brought her to the edge. Tap. Her cries and his moans when they came. Tap.

“Got it!”

Veronica finally ripped her gaze away from Logan as Jeff reentered the apartment, paperwork in hand, and she was shaken by her sudden struggle to breathe. She quickly glanced at Logan, catching as he pushed off the counter, his head lowering as he exhaled sharply.

She closed her eyes briefly, her hand rubbing at her eyes before lifting her head, smiling at Jeff. “I want that nine hundred dollar rent in writing or no dice.”

Jeff laughed, glancing at Logan. “I like your girl.”

“She’s a bobcat,” Logan agreed quietly.

With the paperwork done and the visit taking less than a half hour, Veronica was going to be able to start moving in a week after the party. She had a week to buy her furniture and hire moving people, and she had given herself forty-eight hours to tell her father of her plans.

The ride back to the Mars Investigations offices was silent, uncomfortably so. Logan gripped the steering wheel tightly, quietly and stiffly singing along to some Billy Joel song on the radio. Veronica stared out the window, replaying that look in his eyes at the apartment over and over in her head and unable to stop or ignore the distinct heat boiling low in her stomach, winding down between her legs as she thought of everything that look in Logan’s eyes could’ve meant.

Logan pulled to a stop in front of the Mars Investigations building, putting the car into park as they sat there in silence. Finally, he turned, smiling at Veronica. “Congratulations, new apartment owner.”

“Thank you for the help,” she responded, and she cringed inwardly at how stiff her tone was.

“Maybe we should be a bit nicer to each other,” he said quietly. “Since we’re friends.”

“Right,” Veronica agreed, unbuckling her seatbelt. She just needed to get the hell out of that car, that enclosed space. “Let’s be nice.”

“I’m always nice,” Logan said with a slow, lazy grin.

She blinked at his low tone, cursing her body for responding to it. She grinned tightly at him, hoping he couldn’t see the blush on her skin as she opened the door, exiting the car. His eyes were on her, she could feel them, as she slammed the door shut. Metal stood between them and she could still feel his eyes, the weight of his gaze in the apartment, and it overwhelmed her.

The passenger window of Logan’s truck lowered and he leaned over. “Tell Keith I said hey.”

She nodded quickly. “Will do.”

“See you later.”

Veronica nodded again as he winked at her before pulling out onto the street, taking off towards his condo. “Bye,” she muttered, glancing at the spot where Logan’s car had been before turning and running inside the building.

She couldn’t shake his gaze from her memory, or the fascination over what it had meant.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Am I making you nervous?”

“Listen, I’m just asking. There’s nothing behind the question and you can just stop looking at me with that little smirk of yours as you sip your damn smoothie, okay?” Logan crossed his arms over his chest, his brow furrowing in faint annoyance as he stared at Razia, perched on the edge of his desk. “I’m just asking.”  
  
“You’re _jealous_.”  
  
“Jealous, concerned, whatever. Just tell me.”  
  
Razia nodded, lowering her drink as she pressed her lips together, lost in thought for a moment. “I don’t know what she thinks of him. Veronica’s cool but she’s really...” she trailed off, rolling her hand in front of her body as she tried to find the right word. “Private. Quiet?” she shook her head. “Anyway. He definitely likes her in a _I-wanna-see-her-naked_ way. He finds really silly reasons to ask me questions when she’s around. Just yesterday, Veronica was helping me with some proofs for the upcoming issue and here comes this kid and-”  
  
She leaned forward, a mischievous perk of her lips capturing Logan’s attention. He found himself tilting forward toward her, eager to hear this piece of information. Her perfume invaded his senses and he concentrated on the conversation at hand, refusing to allow himself to be distracted.  
  
“He asked me if Brenda was in my office.”  
  
Logan leaned back, slightly disappointed with the punch line of her story. “That’s it?”  
  
“Sweetie, Brenda was _in_ my office at the time.”  
  
A slow smile grew on Logan’s face and he shook his head as a breathless laugh escaped him. “What? Brenda must’ve been thrilled.”  
  
The grin disappeared completely from Razia’s face as she tilted her head, her gaze dulling to a look of indifference. “Preston,” she said, mimicking Brenda’s monotonous drawl. “The door was closed and I’m sure you’re not as dumb as you are blind...” she trailed off, her eyes lighting up as she gave Logan a smile. “He walked out, then.”  
  
“I’m kind of pissed that I missed that,” he leaned back in his seat, reaching for the half-eaten apple on his desk. Leon and two other co-workers passed by his window, and Leon paused, giving him the good ol’ raised eyebrows of “what the hell” at the sight of Razia. Logan gave him a quick shake of the head before glancing at her. “Hey. Mia’s coming for Thanksgiving, I think.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Yeah...” he trailed off, trying to gather the nerve he needed for the suggestion he was about to make. It was a long shot but it was a gamble he was going to have to take. There was little sentimentality involved, it had all to do with the fact that he wasn’t the only one with an attachment to the woman seated just a couple of feet away from him. “I would appreciate it if you dropped by and said hello.”  
  
She glanced at him through several wavy locks of hair, looking slightly perplexed. “Why wouldn’t I?”  
  
Logan shook his head, a feeling of relief coursing through him. He wasn’t exactly sure what he had been afraid of- out of the two of them; Razia was always the more concise. No dancing around the issue, no delaying the inevitable, she was simply to the point and he still wasn’t sure what exactly had spooked him with that suggestion. A short yes or no, she had given him that, and no blood was shed. “No reason. I just know she loves you. You know.”  
  
“I’m going to my parents’ for Thanksgiving but I would love to see her before I go,” she said, her voice slanted uncomfortably, just enough for Logan to notice.  
  
“Thanks,” he said quietly before the awkwardness could settle, turning the apple in his hands with his fingers. “Do you think he’s a good guy?”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Veronica’s lapdog.”  
  
Razia shrugged. “I guess. What I do know is Veronica would probably eat him alive,” she raised her eyebrows at his slight glare. “After all, she dated _you_ , so she’s probably not some demure flower.”  
  
He relaxed, taking a bite of his apple. “So did you,” he said through a mouthful.  
  
She smiled slowly. “Never said I was demure.”  
  
“Not where it counted,” he said with a grin, but it disappeared quickly as he realized what had just come out of his mouth.  
  
Her smile faded slightly as she glanced down at her drink, the dull awkwardness that had always been there now rising to an almost unbearable level. Finally, she glanced up at Logan; giving him a crooked little smile that she knew always melted him. “When are we going to stop acting like this isn’t completely painful?”  
  
“What is?”  
  
“The forced banter, the uncomfortable silences, the fake smiles- you know, the usual.”  
  
Logan sighed, trying to remember exactly the last time they had been able to have a conversation that hadn’t been at some point awkward, just to prove her wrong. When he couldn’t come up with one in the past couple of months, he grew slightly depressed and not even the sight of her smile could get him out of that funk. Her smile was comforting and she knew him all too well, knew that this change in conversation would most certainly bring him down. “I don’t want us to be awkward.”  
  
“Then stop acting like I’m made of glass. It’s okay to joke with me,” she paused, giving him a smile. “I mean, you’ve seen me naked, so I think it’s all right if you _joke_ about having seen me naked.”  
  
“Yeah, but you’re not the one having to deal with the death glares from Mark, that wonderful beacon of light,” Logan gave Razia a pointed look. “I don’t think your boyfriend likes me very much,” he said matter-of-factly.  
  
“Of course he doesn’t,” Razia muttered, taking a sip of her drink. “You were boyfriend number one, and since we’re still friends, your actions are considered unforgivable,” she frowned. “He’s really jealous, always thinking you’re trying to bang me.”  
  
“Only sixty percent of the time.”  
  
She slowly grinned as he kept a straight face. “What about the other forty?”  
  
“Plastics,” his smirk was sudden, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “Hey, if I had known he was into you back then-”  
  
“Nice try- you _did_ know he had a thing for me and you _still_ hit on me,” she said with a bright smile. She glanced at Logan’s desk phone, now bleeping. “Go ahead.”  
  
Logan pressed the speaker button, leaning forward. “Yeah.”  
  
“Logan?”  
  
He glanced at Razia. “Veronica?”  
  
Veronica let out a huff of breath, anxiety clear in her tone. “Is Razia there?”  
  
Razia leaned forward, her brow furrowing in concern. “Veronica? What’s up?”  
  
“Sorry for bothering you on your lunch, you left your cell in the studio. Brenda wants to see both of us in her office in five.”  
  
“What? Are you getting fired or something?”  
  
Veronica laughed nervously. “Don’t even _joke_ about that.”  
  
Logan grinned slowly. “Yeah, don’t even _joke_ about that,” he mimicked before glancing at the phone as if Veronica could see him. “Veronica, don’t worry. If Brenda were firing you, she wouldn’t wait for Razia to do it.”  
  
“I just don’t want to be fired from two jobs in a six-month span, thank you.”  
  
He chuckled, reaching for the phone. “Go collect your pink slip,” he picked up the phone and placed it back on the receiver, hanging up on Veronica. His eyes lifted and he offered Razia a smile, trying not to let his own sudden anxiousness show. “So, what’s going on?”  
  
Her eyebrows rose as she hopped off his desk. “I wish I knew,” she handed him her drink before picking up her purse, walking towards the door. “Later.”  
  
Veronica let out a sigh of relief as Razia walked into Brenda’s office just under two minutes after their phone call. She never seemed nervous or scared around Brenda, so Veronica appreciated her presence during times like this. Regardless, Veronica knew she wasn’t necessarily scared of Brenda; she was scared of the rejection, of Brenda’s frankness. Honesty wasn’t always the best policy; she was more convinced of that now.  
  
Razia took a seat next to Veronica, giving Brenda a bright smile. “Greetings.”  
  
Brenda didn’t look amused, pulling out a file from the stack on her desk. “You’re late.”  
  
Razia wasn’t fazed, the smile remaining on her face. “I was at lunch.”  
  
“You’re still late.”  
  
“Unless I learn to teleport my way to your office,” she responded smoothly. “My feet will have to do.”  
  
Brenda finally lifted her gaze, her eyes locking on Razia’s. “How is Logan today?”  
  
Razia finally seemed to become flustered and Veronica was surprised by it, turning her head to watch Razia’s expression carefully. Her smile had set into a tight, thin smile as she flushed. Razia definitely wasn’t embarrassed, she wasn’t a woman who was ever ashamed, but Brenda’s question, along with the pointed stare she had given Razia had thrown the woman. Right then, Veronica made a mental note to never make any office romances public- at least not to Brenda.  
  
“He’s well,” Razia finally managed, “Still working on next month’s column.”  
  
“I’m sure he is. Are you a subject this month?”  
  
“I couldn’t tell you. He never lets me read the drafts, you know that.”  
  
A lie. Veronica could see the lie on Razia’s face, clear as anything Veronica knew to be true. Razia’s jaw clenched when she lied, she knew that almost immediately. Her voice also rose when she lied. Razia wasn’t much of a liar, she rarely did it, Veronica could tell.  
  
Her silent FBI-level interrogation of Razia Modi was interrupted when Brenda smiled, a very knowing, icy grin that let everyone in the room know that she too knew Razia was lying.  
  
Razia abruptly leaned forward, resting her hand on Veronica’s wrist. “I was needed?”  
  
Brenda nodded, opening up the file resting in front of her and continuing on as if the schoolyard bullying hadn’t just occurred. “I was taking a look at the shoe spread with Sonia the other day. I hadn’t had the time to really study it and I know you said that Veronica took hold of the reigns this time around-”  
  
Razia nodded. “Yes, I want Veronica to be doing everything I do so when I leave,” she glanced at Veronica, giving her a warm smile. “I’m the intern and she’s the boss. I would like to be getting her coffee.”  
  
Veronica was stunned into silence over Razia’s open approval, managing to give the woman a grateful smile before facing Brenda again. Try as she might, she just couldn’t hate Razia. There didn’t seem to be a malicious bone in her body and she didn’t appear to be in competition with Veronica at all. Veronica knew she needed to stop thinking of it as such.  
  
Brenda nodded, flipping through the photographs. “I like this particular one,” she slid a photo across the table and both Veronica and Razia leaned over, taking a peek at the picture.  
  
Veronica’s eyes narrowed at the sight of the photograph- Sonia seated on that stupid fake ledge, her feet dangling as she gazed at the camera, waiting, in her simple black leggings and white sweater. The picture was a complete accident; it wasn’t even supposed to be in the pack sent to Brenda. She must’ve e-mailed it in her rush to get out of the building.  
  
“It’s deceptively simple,” Brenda continued. “Sonia is just sitting there, staring at the reader, but here’s the high fashion,” she ran her finger down Sonia’s legs, “Her feet are pointed inward and touching, showing off the shoes and the four-inch heels. One hand on the ledge, the other on her hip…it created a lovely silhouette,” her eyes lifted, locking on Veronica. “Nicely done. This is byline material.”  
  
Clearly, Brenda didn’t need to know the photo in question was a fluke. “She was an excellent subject,” Veronica responded, biting down on the inside of her cheek to keep the satisfied smirk from gracing her features. The faint surprise in Brenda’s voice didn’t go unnoticed by Veronica and she couldn’t help but feel smug over this latest change of luck in her favor.  
  
Where Veronica tried to remain modest, Razia was smug enough for them both. “I knew she had it,” she said proudly. “Are we using it? You said it was byline material.”  
  
“I never said it was going to _be_ byline material,” Brenda snatched the photograph up from the desk, putting it back into its file. “And yes, we’re using it.”  
  
Razia’s eyebrows rose. “Is that why you cut my lunch short?”  
  
“Yes and no, I needed you here in case you had any objections.”  
  
“Why would I have any objections? She’s my protégé,” she gave Veronica a smile before facing Brenda once more.  
  
Veronica readily returned the smile, sitting up straighter in her seat. “I know Brenda mentioned a spread on your family-”  
  
“She wanted you over Mark,” Brenda said coolly, giving Razia yet another of her pointed looks.  
  
“I trust you more,” Razia said simply. “My family’s already agreed to it, so when you have the time, you let me know, I’ll let them know, and they would love to have you follow them around for a week.”  
  
Brenda turned her attention to Veronica. “This is a very big piece,” she said tersely. “I wouldn’t screw this up if I were you.”  
  
Veronica held her hands up as if defending herself against Brenda’s glare of doom. “Done.”  
  
Brenda nodded, turning toward her computer. “You both can go.”  
  
As soon as the two women were safely outside, Razia turned, grinning happily at Veronica. “See, I told you there was nothing to worry about! I knew you could do it.”  
  
Veronica nodded, a breathless laugh escaping her. “I really thought I was going to lose my job.”  
  
“Stop thinking like that- negativity is no one’s friend,” Razia winked at Veronica, backing towards her office. “Go eat lunch.”  
  
Veronica smiled as Razia disappeared into her office before glancing around the hallway, realizing how awkward she was just standing there with nothing to do. Then, across the hall, four doors away was good ol’ Preston, pushing a cart full of boxes. He stopped as he caught her eye, holding up his arm and pointing at his watch. He then held up his hand, all five fingers splayed before smiling hopefully at Veronica.  
  
She grinned before she could stop herself, nodding quickly. His smile grew and he turned back to his cart, continuing his trek with newfound gusto. Veronica watched him go before moving toward the bathroom. She had five minutes to decide what exactly she wanted to eat.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Veronica stared at her father, inspecting his expression carefully. There was none, his face frustratingly blank as he stared back at her, probably doing the same intruding examination as she was. She had told him she was moving out in about a week and he had remained silent, continuing to gaze at her and she wasn’t sure if the silence was a good thing or not.  
  
He had seemed as eager as she had to move on past their post-fight silent treatment routine, responding to her “hello” before the big news was dropped with a smile. Veronica would’ve given him an apologetic hug if she had remembered how to. Instead, she sat across from him in silence, waiting.  
  
Keith finally moved, leaning back in his chair. “Are you leaving Neptune?”  
  
She laughed, shaking her head. His question relaxed her immensely, there wasn’t any anger in his tone whatsoever and she was relieved. “I told you no! I’m just moving downtown, ten minutes away. It’s a nice neighborhood; I’ll take you there later if you want to check it out.”  
  
He nodded slowly and she could see him clearly reviewing this information in his head. “I think this is for the best,” he glanced at her. “Are you sure about this?”  
  
Veronica nodded, adjusting the nameplate on his desk. “I’ve thought about it thoroughly and have considered every option available,” she finally met his gaze, a heavy sigh escaping her. “I just don’t want to leave Neptune again.”  
  
This was true; she knew it to be true. She had tried to escape Neptune and run as fast and as far as she could, and ultimately she was left still broken and even more frozen and alone than before. Even this strange new world Neptune seemed way more appealing than being alone in another land, even with these strangers that masqueraded as her father and her friends were better than people she had no intention of knowing because they would just leave once they discovered who she really was.  
  
Keith nodded, glancing down at his desk. “I’m happy you’re not leaving,” he said quietly.  
  
They both allowed the silence to overtake the office until the sharp chirping of Keith’s cell phone interrupted their mutual comfort. He picked up the phone from the desk, glancing at the screen. “Harmony,” he announced.  
  
Veronica rolled her eyes, climbing to her feet and heading for the door. “I’ll be in the lobby.”  
  
“Mars Investigations! How may we help you!”  
  
She stifled a sigh at the sound of Ashley’s perky voice, closing Keith’s door before heading to the couch. She flopped down on it, picking up her laptop and opening it up. This wasn’t exactly the worst way to spend an evening; it beat hanging out by herself in the apartment. Even Ace was sick of her already.  
  
Veronica’s phone vibrated on the Mars Investigations coffee table, tearing her concentration away from Ashley’s sloppy stacking of old files on the receptionist table. She gave Ashley a disapproving look before picking up her phone, checking the text from Logan.  
  
 _Fired yet?_  
  
She bit back a smirk, quickly responding. _R didn’t fill you in?_  
  
After a minute, he responded. _Nah she totally hates me. where r u?_  
  
Veronica paused, trying to think of a witty response to his question. When one couldn’t come to mind, she settled for to the point. _@ the office._  
  
 _Wanna get a super friendly dinner?_  
  
Her attention on the text exchanges was interrupted by a loud slam as Ashley nearly flung one of the file cabinet drawers open. Veronica’s eyes narrowed as Ashley dropped to her knees in front of the open drawer, a stack of files held against her chest as she peeked inside. “Ashley.”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
Veronica set down her phone, her conversation with Logan forgotten, and she leaned forward to get a better look at what the hell Ashley was doing. “What’s going on?”  
  
Ashley glanced over her shoulder at Veronica, giving her a strained smile. “I’m trying to find the right place to put these.”  
  
Veronica jumped to her feet, walking over to the cabinet. “What’s the last name?”  
  
“It’s Rivera-Samuels,” Ashley said breathlessly, nearly falling back as Veronica took the files from her. “But is it Rivera, or Samuels? I’m thinking Samuels.”  
  
Veronica gave Ashley a look, swiftly getting irritated with the girl. “No, Rivera. It would be filed under Rivera. Does the client answer to Rivera or Rivera-Samuels?”  
  
Ashley flushed, climbing to her feet. “I’m not sure, Mr. Mars dealt with him and then told me to file it. I think-”  
  
“Then it’s Rivera. You always go with the first last name when there’s two, it’s common sense.”  
  
The blush on Ashley’s cheeks darkened as she straightened up. “Well, Mr. Mars told me that when in doubt-”  
  
“He’s being nice,” Veronica said with a shake of her head. “Ashley, not for nothing but,” she let out a laugh. “You kind of suck at this. I think I know better than you how-”  
  
“Veronica!”  
  
Veronica glanced at Ashley, slightly alarmed at the girl’s pout before facing her father, forcing a smile. Mortified. She was definitely mortified at the moment. “Yes?”  
  
He gave her a hard look, swinging the front door open. “Stop driving my receptionist crazy and come have dinner with me,” he grinned at Ashley over Veronica’s shoulder. “You’re welcome. You want anything?”  
  
Ashley smiled gratefully at Keith, crossing her arms over her chest. “Just some mushroom ravioli, please.”  
  
Veronica’s jaw clenched and she wanted to knock that smug grin from Ashley’s face but she resisted, primly picking up her bag and following her father out of the office.  
  
Ten minutes later, Veronica and her father walked through downtown Neptune toward some pizza kitchen her father had claimed was heaven on earth. She was surprised at how at ease her father was with her ever since telling him she was moving out, maybe the change of venue really was for the best. He didn’t want her leaving Neptune, but he also didn’t want his twenty-six year old daughter to be living at home, and she could honestly say she felt the same way. Everyone appeared to have won in this scenario.  
  
“When are you moving out, again?”  
  
Veronica glanced down, stepping over a crack in the pavement. “Two days after that company party I told you about. I already called for a truck and I’m going furniture shopping tomorrow if you want to come.”  
  
Keith smiled slightly, looking oddly touched by the suggestion. “I would love to.”  
  
“Good,” Veronica paused, giving her father a look. “Ashley can’t come. She doesn’t even know how to file correctly.”  
  
He glanced down at Veronica, a sigh escaping him. “Veronica. I understand what you’re saying. You did Ashley’s job for years, and you think you have the correct way of organizing the bookkeeping and the office files. I understand that you think she is too young to understand the importance of getting everything just so.”  
  
Veronica nodded. “I’m glad we’re in agreement.”  
  
“However,” he gave her a firm look. “Ashley has been working for me for two years, and she has developed her own method. She does not need you reorganizing her files and taking over her job.”  
  
She laughed, waving a dismissive hand in the air. “I’m not taking over her job! She’s being overly sensitive with my criticisms-”  
  
“You said she sucked as a receptionist.”  
  
“I was being gentle!”  
  
Keith rolled his eyes, stopping at the curb and pulling Veronica back before she got sideswiped by a speeding black SUV. “Just ease up. You’re putting me in an uncomfortable position here.” They walked across the street in silence. “And I want you to be nicer to Harmony.”  
  
Veronica’s brow furrowed. “When am I not nice to Harmony?” he shot her a look, and she gave him the sweetest smile she could manage.  
  
“Harmony’s not going away, Veronica,” Keith said gently, but firmly. “And to be frank, I don’t care what you think of her. She’s my girlfriend, and you’re going to respect her, just as she’s going to respect you, got it?”  
  
Her smile faded, and she glanced at the ground as they walked. “Fine,” she muttered.  
  
“I’m serious, Veronica. I might have disapproved of your boyfriends, but I’ve always respected them for you. You need to do the same for me.”  
  
“Do you love her?”  
  
“Yes. I do.”  
  
Veronica nodded quickly, remembering the conversation she had with her father when she had told him she was seeing Logan again after the whole Cassidy debacle. He had asked her if she loved him and she had responded that she might, and from then on he had left her alone, most of the time. She could extend the same courtesy. “Okay. I’ll try to be nicer.”  
  
Keith smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and giving them a quick squeeze. “Thank you.”  
  
She grinned despite herself, enjoying the brief, unguarded moment of affection. The grin faded abruptly. “Why are you still so mad at me?” she asked quietly.  
  
His arm slowly dropped from her shoulders, and he sighed. “Veronica, I’m not...” he trailed off, looking up and his eyes lighting up. “Good evening!”  
  
Veronica glanced up, her heart skipping a beat and a certain nausea coursing through her at the sight of Logan coming their way, still looking handsome and sexually attractive and put together, now in jeans and a simple black t-shirt. A short, slim woman in a light yellow dress walked beside him, a black Bluetooth earpiece attached to her ear.  
  
She was suddenly aware of the ratty shorts she was wearing, and she hoped her blue t-shirt didn't have any marks on it. She knew she should’ve stayed in her work clothes. There was no way he was going to be falling over himself over her hotness if she couldn’t even keep up appearances, and she wasn’t about to inspect her clothes when Logan and his friend were just several feet away. In fact, she didn’t know what her problem was- what did she care if Logan thought she was sexy or not? “Ah-”  
  
Logan grinned at the two briefly, pushing his sunglasses off his eyes. “What’s up?”  
  
Keith glanced down at Veronica, who was still struggling to speak. “We’re about to have dinner,” he said, and Veronica shot him a grateful look.  
  
“Yeah? Give me a second, I’ll join you,” Logan placed a hand on the woman’s shoulder, his eyes drifting to Veronica for a moment. “Veronica, this is Constance, otherwise known as Connie. Only I can call her Connie,” he said with a grin.  
  
Connie gave him a look, tucking away her iPhone. “I'm your _faithful_ , ever-suffering lawyer,” she reminded him before giving Veronica a tight smile. “Nice to meet you,” she faced Logan once more. “I’ll mail you the papers. I’ve already read them over, all you have to do is sign.”  
  
Logan sighed happily. “This is why I pay you so much of my money.”  
  
“I’m worth every penny.”  
  
“You are.”  
  
Connie's eyebrows rose as she noticed Veronica staring at Logan. “So you’re who got him to shave...”  
  
He grinned tightly as Keith directed a look at him. “It’s not like that, Connie.”  
  
Veronica quickly nodded, shoving her hands in her pockets. “It's definitely not like that. We’re old friends.”  
  
“I know who you are, Ms. Mars,” Connie said coolly. She gave Veronica a smile before facing Logan, giving him a look. “Sign them and get it over with. I’m not going to tell you again.”  
  
Logan nodded, watching Connie as she started to walk away before glancing at Keith and Veronica. “She’s lucky her husband’s as much of a hardass as she is,” a smile grew on his face as he focused his attention on Veronica. “I ask you about dinner and here we both are.”  
  
Keith’s eyebrows rose at the sudden softness of Logan’s tone and he felt almost intrusive of this apparently private moment between his daughter and Logan. “Well, I don’t know about you kids, but I am starving.”  
  
Veronica finally pulled her gaze away from Logan, managing a weak grin for her father. She nodded swiftly, a quick glance at Logan catching him already checking his phone. Trying to look busy. She lowered her gaze before checking him once more, he was still heavily and a bit too interested in whatever he was reading. Her eyes drifted to her father and she felt herself flush when she caught him staring right back at her.  
  
“I’ll get the table,” Logan mumbled, moving past the two into the restaurant.  
  
Veronica nodded, glancing at the ground when Logan walked past her. She waited until he was out of sight before lifting her gaze once more, her eyes on her father, still staring at her, examining her expression. Finally, she rolled her eyes, turning toward the restaurant. “Not a word,” she muttered, following Logan inside.  
  
The dinner had gone off without any left over awkwardness and Veronica was happy to see that she had yet to make a fool of herself. Her father ate silently as Logan and Veronica talked, busying himself with a stack of new background checks from Logan’s boss. While the conversation was thankfully light and completely silly, mostly about the nonexistent dress code over at Talk, what became daunting was Logan’s lack of eye contact. Every time they managed to meet each other’s eye, he quickly looked away or focused on something else.  
  
It slowly became clear that she was making him nervous, and a part of her was downright pleased.  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly as her father reached for the middle of the table and she quickly swiped the salt shaker out of his grasp. “Dad! No salt!”  
  
Keith gave her the faintest of scowls, his hand dropping to his lap. “Veronica!”  
  
“Listen to her, Keith, she knows kung fu,” Logan muttered as a sharp chirping filled the air. He pulled out his cell phone, glancing at the ID before answering it with a grin. “Before you say a word, I totally meant to call you...”  
  
A frown twitched on Veronica's mouth, and she quickly glanced down at her plate of food, trying in vain to not listen to his conversation. For whatever reason that was completely obvious to her in the back of her mind, she didn’t want to hear the sweet talk between Logan and whichever skank he was fucking that week.  
  
“Dick, if you weren't my friend, I would have to kill you for that comment,” Logan paused. “Dude, you’re such a girl- I’m sorry, okay? I should’ve called before I ditched.”  
  
Veronica lifted her gaze, unable to stop the sigh of relief from escaping her. She glanced at her father, who continued to ignore both of them, intently reading his notes. Logan’s eyes fell on Veronica, and he gave her a wink. She grinned before she could stop herself, but as soon as the moment was there, it was gone and he was turning away from the table.  
  
“I sent the contractor the papers, dude. I totally did,” Logan frowned. “Well, he’s lying, because I did it. I even have the confirmation sheet. Considering the building’s for charity, I think he ought to stop giving us attitude.”  
  
Her brow furrowed in confusion as she listened to Logan’s conversation, trying to busy herself with her food. Logan had a partnership of some kind with Dick Casablancas. This was new.  
  
Logan laughed, leaning back in his seat. “Dude, the center’s going up if I have to build it myself- it’s my money too, you know,” he glanced at Veronica. “Dude, I’ll call you later. I’m having dinner,” A pause. “No, a _real_ dinner. With food.” Another pause. “Keith. And Veronica.”  
  
“Dude, shut up-” He pulled the phone from his ear, looking at Veronica. “Dick says hi,” Veronica gave a short, unenthusiastic wave, and he nodded. “She said hey,” he continued. “I’ll call you when I’m done.”  
  
Veronica lowered her fork, giving Logan a smile as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. “What’s going on?”  
  
Logan rolled his eyes, running his hands through his hair as he leaned back in his seat. “The idiot that’s doing this thing for us is flaking. My non-violence vow is going to have to be broken.”  
  
“No, it’s not,” Keith muttered, highlighting something in his notes.  
  
She frowned, her interest piqued. “What thing?”  
  
Logan shrugged. “Dick’s taken over Cassidy’s Phoenix Land Trust crap. Not really Dick...some guy is doing the hard work. Dick’s invested in it. So have I- I’m the bestest friend ever,” he said dryly. After a moment, his gaze softened. “He’s also opening up a foundation in Cassidy’s name. That’s where our problems currently lie.”  
  
“What kind of foundation?”  
  
“For abused and neglected kids,” a look flashed in Logan’s eyes that Veronica couldn’t quite place. “I’m investing in that, as well.”  
  
“Dick,” Veronica said, her voice dulling in shock. “Dick is running a foundation for abused and neglected children.”  
  
“Yeah, Rita threatened to dump him if he didn’t make something of himself so...” he trailed off, shrugging. “Dick’s made something of himself.”  
  
She laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. Dick Casablancas of all people, was involved in a charitable cause that was surely a bit too close for comfort. A part of her was seething that Dick took something that Cassidy held dear and turned it into a wonderful organization that would certainly help many. However, she had to remind herself that regardless of Cassidy’s evil and Dick’s past behavior, they were brothers and surely Dick had suffered a huge loss with the death of his brother. More importantly, despite Cassidy’s wrongdoings, his big investment was now being used for good and she just couldn’t scoff at that, as much as she wanted to.  
  
More surprising was Veronica’s sudden urge to hug Logan. He was actually pursuing some sort of philanthropic effort and without coaxing and without expecting anything in return. Regardless of whatever immature bullshit dance she and Logan were doing at the moment, he really had changed for the better. Something had shifted in him, either through this child that he was now a parent to, or maybe it was her father or even Razia or Parker or maybe it was Logan himself who had decided enough was enough.  
  
“I don’t even know you,” Veronica admitted quietly, her jaw clenching after the words slipped from her mouth.  
  
Logan gave her the gentlest of smiles, glancing down for a moment before lifting his head, his eyes finally locking on hers for the first time in nearly an hour. “I’m Logan, nice to meet you.”  
  
Veronica smiled slowly, starting to answer when Logan’s cell phone rang again. She gestured for him to answer before glancing at her father. She was slightly ashamed to realize that for a moment she had forgotten he was even there. “Having fun?” she asked.  
  
Keith grunted, turning the page of the file he was holding. “I have a lot of research to do when we get home.”  
  
“Well, it’s not done so you need to wait.”  
  
Logan’s voice caught Veronica’s attention and she shot him a sidelong glance before focusing on her food so she didn’t appear to be eavesdropping so obviously.  
  
“Too bad, go bother one of your lackeys.”  
  
She couldn’t resist the urge any longer, and she gazed at Logan as he continued to argue with his boss on the phone. A small smile played on her lips as he let out a low laugh. She hated to admit it, but he was unbearably attractive then, talking intently into his phone, that firm tinge in his voice.  
  
“I’ll hand it in when I’m done writing it,” he chuckled. “I’m so _not_ fired- I write the best column in the magazine. You can’t fire me,” he smirked, triumph in his eyes as his boss talked on the other end. “I’m glad we agree. When I’m done writing it, I’ll hand it in.”  
  
Logan’s stare suddenly softened as he met Veronica’s gaze. He sighed, the sharp edge in his voice vanishing. “I’m fucking with you- the column’s finished. I’ll e-mail it to you once I get home.”  
  
Veronica grinned as Logan started to laugh over what his boss responded with. Logan wasn’t an asshole, he was actually a good guy, and she had to keep reminding herself of that. He still had the same wicked humor, but he was nice. They had their own problems going on, but ultimately, he was what she had wanted and needed him to be seven years ago.  
  
She still couldn’t believe it, how much he had changed in the years she had been gone.  
  
Logan hung up, a smile on his face when he glanced at Veronica. “What?”  
  
She straightened up, picking up her glass of water. “Nothing.”  
  
A half hour later, Veronica felt herself growing impatient as her father took his sweet time ordering Ashley her dinner as she stood out on the sidewalk with Logan. Now was when the awkwardness decided to hit them both even though they tried equally to avoid it at all costs, choosing to comment on the advertisements on passing buses.  
  
Anything to keep that horrible, tense silence from overwhelming them.  
  
Deep down, Veronica knew what that silence was. It was the buildup of too much to say and not enough time or willingness to say it. And maybe there was just a bit of sexual tension, at least on her side. His overt anxiety told her that he might have felt the same way.  
  
Logan shoved his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth and his arm brushed against hers. The contact was enough to make him take a step back, a slightly uncomfortable smile fixing on his lips. He shrugged wordlessly, glancing down at the sidewalk. “So...I should go. I need to finish that article before I _really_ get fired.”  
  
“I thought you said you finished it?”  
  
“Almost. I need to fix my opener, you always need a good opener.”  
  
Veronica gave him what she hoped was a soothing grin, nodding. “Thanks for having dinner with us.”  
  
“The pleasure was all mine. We should take your dad with us everywhere.”  
  
“Oh, don’t give him any ideas,” she muttered, knowing full well she didn’t want her dad anywhere near herself and Logan when they got themselves going on whatever twisted, confusing path which sent them spiraling toward even more disorder and awkwardness.  
  
Logan nodded. “My lips are sealed,” his gaze followed Veronica as she smiled at him before turning back toward the restaurant. Quickly, his arm darted out and he caught her elbow easily in his hand. She stopped, her eyes following as his hand slid down her arm until it rested on her wrist. He immediately noticed the intimacy of the gesture and he swiftly released her. “So, the dinner.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes lit up and her attention was his, she didn’t even bother trying to seem disinterested. “Are we still on?”  
  
“Of course,” he responded, feeling the words become clumsy in his mouth, fumbling out like marbles were rolling on his tongue. “I-I was thinking I could pick you up. At around seven. Or eight. Whenever. We can go together, since it’s a date. Or a friendly get-together. Whatever.”  
  
She couldn’t help but smile at his obvious discomfort and nervousness, finding it cute. Logan Echolls, the man with so many notches on his belt, was finding it difficult to get through a simple conversation with her. It was like he was twelve all over again, trying to talk to Lilly after a soccer game. “Am I making you nervous?” she teased gently.  
  
He grinned, shaking his head. “No, I’m just unsure of how to approach any of this without stepping on anyone’s toes, namely yours.”  
  
“Step away.”  
  
Logan’s eyes lifted at the softness of Veronica’s voice and his gaze locked on hers. “Okay. I’ll pick you up at eight. We’ll make a night of it.”  
  
“As a date?” she tried, needing to know exactly what was going on between them. She wasn’t going to allow him to dance around it forever.  
  
“As friends,” he said carefully, his smile growing. “Who might be going on a date. How about that?”  
  
Veronica laughed silently, knowing she wasn’t going to get any more out of him than that. “You’re such a wuss.”  
  
“Cautious,” he reached over, grabbing her hand in his and giving it a quick squeeze. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, then.”  
  
“I won’t see you at work?”  
  
Logan shook his head. “Nope, Razia’s taking you location scouting. It’ll be fun, you won’t even think about me,” he gave her a grin. “So now I’m leaving.”  
  
She gave him a short wave. “Tomorrow, then.”  
  
“Tomorrow,” he repeated, backing down the sidewalk. “Later.”  
  
Veronica watched him walk off, unable to keep the smile from her face. She realized that she hadn’t told him her good news, that her photo shoot might be in the magazine, but he would certainly find out from Razia sooner or later.  
  
Slowly, but surely, everything in her personal and professional life was coming together. Veronica Mars was bouncing back. The grin grew on her lips as she spun around toward the restaurant, running inside to hunt for her father. Maybe she would make him some cookies before tomorrow’s dinner of the unknown with Logan.  
  
The mystery of it all was starting to appeal to her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And to think I almost didn’t go to this damn thing."

The first thing Veronica felt was the breeze from the central air conditioning. It traveled over her bare back and she welcomed the sensation as she buried herself deeper in the thick, cool comforter...that wasn’t hers. Thinking about it now, the air conditioning in the apartment was much noisier than at the place she was now. Her eyes slowly opened, blinking away the blurriness that filled her vision.  
  
Her gaze drifted to her arm flung over the pillow on which her head lay, her eyes locking on the spot just above her elbow. Teeth marks, very recently made.  
  
She hesitantly turned her head, glancing over her shoulder and her eyes widened at the sight of a mess of brown hair poking out from underneath the black comforter. With a slight grimace, she lifted the comforter, spotting the hand resting just beneath her pillow, the hand that must’ve been touching her just minutes before. Her eyes fell on that familiar silver watch, the same one she had looked at just hours before.  
  
And just like that, the events of the previous night came rushing back, no confusion necessary. Every word, every moment, every indecent exposure, both emotional and physical. She needed to get the hell out of there.  
  
With a sharp breath, she threw the blanket off, launching herself out of the bed.  
  
 _ **Thirteen Hours Earlier**_  
  
Logan smiled at Harmony as he tried his best to pay attention to her story. There was something about grape juice, some painting, and a toddler, but that was the extent of his knowledge before he started to zone out. He knew she was just happy to have someone to talk to, Keith had been working constantly as of late and there wasn’t any love lost between Harmony and Veronica. There was just a lot of art decor bullshit and he wanted nothing more than to put his hand over Harmony’s mouth and shush her like his daughter did when she wanted Parker to shut the hell up.  
  
For a moment, he allowed the thought of Mia the Diva to creep in his head and for that moment, he was at ease. Then, Harmony patted his knee and he was back. So was the annoyance. He shifted in his seat, releasing Ace, who no longer wanted to sit on his lap. The dog raced down the hallway toward Veronica’s room, and he wished he were able to follow. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy Harmony’s company, he just needed her to shut up. He was nervous enough and didn’t need the extra push of anxious energy that came from her.  
  
“ _When’s_ Keith coming back?” he finally interjected, giving Harmony a hard stare and hoping she understood that he wanted the topic of conversation changed.  
  
“Oh, later tonight. So I had to inform the child’s mother that he had nearly destroyed a eight thousand dollar painting-”  
  
He silently begged Veronica to finish getting ready, both out of the need to get the hell out of there and the curiosity over what was taking Veronica so long. He wasn’t worried about being late, that’s why such tardiness was called fashionable. What he was most worried about was finding out that Veronica had changed her mind and he was going to have to go alone or not at all.  
  
Ultimately, Veronica had to go. They had left her car at his place before driving back to Keith’s apartment, just in case Veronica, or Logan, had too much to drink. Logan’s place made more sense to regroup- he was closer to the reception hall and Veronica’s apartment wasn’t ready, so it seemed like the best choice. He would make her pay for his gas, just to be fair. Nothing about the plan was manipulated, nothing at all. It was a reasonable plan.  
  
“Okay, let’s go.”  
  
Logan immediately jumped to his feet as Harmony thankfully stopped talking, turning toward the sound of Veronica’s voice. He halted at the sight of her, feeling as though the wind were knocked out of him.  
  
Veronica stood there in a slinky black dress that clung to just the right curves and showed enough skin to have his complete attention. The slit in her skirt was dangerously high, and so were her black heels. On her wrist was a diamond bracelet he recognized to be Rita’s, as were the diamond studs in her ears. Her hair was pulled into a loose bun, several wavy strands framing her face. Dark red lipstick stained her clinched mouth, making her skin look extra pale. The kicker, of course, was her hands, placed impatiently on her hips as she waited.  
  
He felt his heart jump and it was a strange feeling, it was something that had happened on occasions reserved for a certain few.  
  
Harmony gave Veronica a grin. “You look beautiful, Veronica.”  
  
“Thank you,” She glanced at Logan and huffed loudly at the indescribable expression on his face, her hands falling at her sides. “Breathe, I don’t look that bad.”  
  
He slowly exhaled, giving Veronica a smile. “You look... _great_.”  
  
“You don’t have to kiss my ass, I’m already going with you,” she muttered before her mouth twisted into a crooked, embarrassed smile. “Thank you. So do you.”  
  
His eyes drifted down to his suit before giving her a shrug. “Just something that was laying around.”  
  
“I bet,” Veronica gestured at the door with her black clutch. “Let’s go before we’re not allowed in.”  
  
“That won’t really be a bad thing.”  
  
Sometime during the ride to the reception hall and in the middle of a discussion about the best way to play hooky before a company meeting, Veronica started to realize that Logan was subtly checking her out. He kept his eyes on the road except for those times his eyes drifted to her bare thigh as she sat with her legs crossed, the fabric of her dress slipping and exposing the skin he had currently focused at least sixty percent of his attention on. The first couple of times must’ve gone unnoticed by her but she definitely saw it when he was stopped at a red light, he had lingered a bit too long.  
  
If there was anything she knew about Logan, it was that he was very in tune with his senses. He loved to touch, to see, to feel, to taste things he desired. He was the same with his car, Lilly’s hair, his bed sheets, the soft skin right beneath her breasts. She wondered for a moment what of Razia’s had become his obsession for four years. Before she could allow herself to dwell, she caught his eyes on her legs once more.  
  
Even now, she could feel his curiosity and she could say she felt the same. A part of her wanted to relive the way he used to touch her, right on the exposed skin of her thigh like he used to when they were alone and watching some cheesy horror film. His hand would slide from her knee to her thigh, slipping between and resting just inches from that sensitive part of her that ached and it wasn’t long before he was carrying her to his bedroom.  
  
“How many people did you kill?”  
  
Veronica blinked, almost startled at how swiftly Logan pulled her out of her reverie. “What?”  
  
“In the FBI. How many people did you kill?”  
  
She didn’t respond at first, feeling that heavy weight settle comfortably on her back, digging deep into her shoulders and sinking into her soul. This was the one thing she didn’t want to discuss at the moment and she was annoyed that he would bring it up so lightheartedly as if they were discussing her favorite movie. “Can we not?” she asked shortly.  
  
Logan’s smile faded slightly and he glanced at Veronica, concern clouding his gaze. “More than one?”  
  
“Can we _not_ ,” she repeated, firmer this time. Her eyes lowered to her lap, and she covered her thigh with her skirt, no longer willing to tease him in such a way. “We’re supposed to be having fun,” she muttered.  
  
“We are,” he said quietly, returning his attention to the road. “Sorry if I offended you.”  
  
As they sat in silence, Veronica found Logan’s slight but obvious glances at her off-putting and even obnoxious. He wasn’t trying to hide his curiosity over her sudden change in demeanor and she wished he would just back off. The conversation had gone somewhere it didn’t need to go; she never wanted to talk about that specific topic, ever.  
  
The drive was awkward at best, Veronica finding herself as close to the passenger door as possible with every look Logan sent her way. She clutched her purse in her hands, turning it with the tips of her fingers and she decided then to push the good times ahead, she didn’t need to drag Logan down with her. “So, did you orchestrate this drive to your place, then mine, then to the party deal on purpose or are you that disorganized?”  
  
Logan slowly smiled, grateful for the tease in Veronica’s voice. “It seemed like a great idea at the time,” he said carefully, trying to keep his voice even.  
  
“You get to spend more time with me.”  
  
“It’s not a bad thing.”  
  
“How’s Parker?”  
  
Logan shrugged. “She’s good. You’ll see her eventually. Thanksgiving’s coming up, she’ll swing by with Mimi-” he gave Veronica a weak, almost embarrassed smile. “Mia. We call her Mimi a lot.”  
  
Veronica was taken by how soft his voice got when mentioning his daughter, something in him seemed to shift and relax, a noticeable calmness entering his demeanor. “You seem very in love with your kid,” she finally offered.  
  
“She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said quietly. “I would probably be dead if Parker hadn’t shown up at my door with three months of Mia inside her. I won’t ever disappoint her.”  
  
She let the conversation die there, shocked into silence at Logan’s last statement. This definitely wasn’t her Logan, the boy so convinced he was going to screw everything up. He was more sure of his capabilities, more determined to survive and prevail. Her father always said becoming a parent changes a person; she had no idea of how right he was. Logan was the same in so many ways but there were little moments like this where she saw the man he had become.  
  
Logan’s car pulled up in front of the building and he looked to her, giving her a bright smile, and Veronica wanted nothing more than to kiss him. She didn’t, instead staying frozen in her seat as she grinned back softly.  
  
For a moment, she wondered how long it would take him to see the real her, the dead-inside shell of herself and not the girl he seemed to be looking at. Maybe he already saw the real her and didn’t care. She just wasn’t sure and didn’t want to have that conversation at the moment.  
  
Veronica blinked as her door opened, giving Logan a faint smile as she climbed out of the car. She tucked her hand in the crook of his elbow as he handed the keys to the valet. As they made the trip through the lobby and down the hallway to the reception hall, she could feel the mood of every company party she had ever been to. Fake and nervous smiles from the new employees, the older associates sizing up every other person, the same jazz band playing as waiters walked around with trays.  
  
She snatched up a champagne flute as the gentleman walked back, glancing at Logan and catching his stare. “What?”  
  
He shrugged. “You’re starting early.”  
  
“I need a drink,” she said tersely. “We’re here to have fun.”  
  
Logan nodded, taking the glass out of her hand. He drank half before passing it back to her. “Agreed.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes lit up as the man she remembered as Leon, Logan’s bestest work buddy, approached them. She was grateful when the man grinned at her, slapping Logan on the back. “Hi!”  
  
“Hello...Veronica?” she nodded and he grinned. “See, I remember your girlfriends, bro,” Leon told Logan proudly.  
  
Logan shook his head. “Not my girlfriend. A girl and a friend, but not-”  
  
“Uh huh,” Leon winked at Veronica, giving her a smile. “You look beautiful, Miss Veronica. The best part of this plague is seeing all the beautiful women, right, Logan?”  
  
“Mm,” Logan glanced over Leon’s head at the other Talk employees. “Have you seen Razia?”  
  
Veronica’s smile faded slightly at Logan’s question, more than a bit thrown off at the prompt. He only decided to bring up Razia when Leon mentioned beautiful women, or maybe he had been thinking of her all along. Or maybe he just wanted to talk to his friend. She needed to stop being paranoid, it was probably nothing.  
  
Leon gave a nod at Logan’s shoulder. “She’s running around and schmoozing with Captain Prick,” he nudged Logan, who had started looking over his shoulder for Razia. “See you at the table.”  
  
Veronica followed Logan’s gaze, catching Razia as she walked into the hall, moving ahead of Mark who had a grip on her hand and it was almost as if she were leading him. Her dress was beautiful, a long white and flowing frock, backless with a diamond chain falling down the back. She took a fashion risk wearing her hair in a tight braid with white ribbon woven through it but Veronica had to admit she looked lovely.  
  
“Veronica!”  
  
Veronica was surprised at Razia’s greeting, fully expecting her to acknowledge Logan first. She waved as Razia approached, dragging a less than happy Mark behind her. “Hi, Razia,” she replied, noting Razia’s hand reaching over and squeezing Logan’s wrist in greeting. “You look great.”  
  
“I know!” Razia said cheerfully, gesturing at her dress. “Vera Wang. It was a gift.”  
  
“From Logan,” Mark muttered, unwilling to rid the sour look from his face as he snatched two champagne flutes from a passing waiter.  
  
Razia kept the smile frozen on her face even though Veronica could see her cheeks flush with embarrassment. “It’s a beautiful dress,” she said shortly, as if she were explaining herself.  
  
Logan seemed to have no outward reaction to Mark’s rudeness, but his arm slipped away from Veronica’s hold before winding around her back, his fingertips resting on her hip. Veronica knew that body language, it was aggressive. His shoulders were stiff and his stance was more tense, the hand on her hip meant nothing, it was just a way to busy his hands and still seem cordial. Sure enough, his jaw was clenched as he stared at Mark, his gaze cold.  
  
Veronica blinked, remembering Leon’s parting words. “What table are we sitting at?” she asked abruptly.  
  
“19,” Logan said quietly.  
  
Razia’s eyebrows rose. “Us too!”  
  
“Great,” Mark grumbled, rolling his eyes.  
  
“Pretty sure someone did this on purpose,” Logan mumbled.  
  
Veronica shrugged. “Who said the night was going to be boring?”  
  
“Veronica?”  
  
Veronica froze at the all-too-familiar voice, a voice she never wanted to hear again. She turned around swiftly, pretty sure her stunned expression matched his, Piz in a suit, the heavily pregnant redhead next to him in all black, and she suddenly wanted to get out of there. “Piz!”  
  
“Veronica!” Piz’s gaze drifted to Logan, who had turned along with her. “And Logan,” he forced a weak smile on his face, glancing from Logan back to Veronica. “What a surprise.”  
  
“Indeed,” Logan said with an smirk, glancing at Piz’s date. “Hello.”  
  
Piz cleared his throat, gesturing at Veronica and Logan. “Am, you know Veronica,” he said curtly. “This is Logan...a mutual friend.”  
  
Piz’s sudden unhappiness made Veronica feel just a bit smug and she found herself tilting her hip against Logan’s. Logan’s brow furrowed at the contact, the pads of his fingers digging into her side. “What are you doing here?” she asked Piz, trying to keep her tone cordial as she gave a pointed look in Amberly’s direction.  
  
“Company thing,” Piz said shortly, oblivious to his girlfriend standing beside him, smiling anxiously as she held their drinks. “I’m their rep,” he trailed off, nodding once.  
  
“Of course you are,” Veronica muttered.  
  
Razia’s body slipped between Veronica and Logan’s, wrapping her arms around their waists. “Who’s our guest?” she asked cheerfully.  
  
Logan shifted, allowing Razia more room. He dropped his arm to the side, not needing the assault that would’ve came from Mark had he put his arm around Razia’s hips. “This is Piznarski. Veronica’s ex-boyfriend. He’s a deejay. That’s his girlfriend, I’m assuming,” he gave Amberly a polite smile, which she gratefully returned.  
  
Razia’s eyes narrowed as she silently observed Piz. Then- “Did your parents _really_ name you Piznarski?”  
  
Veronica had to laugh. Out of all the things for Razia to focus on, it wasn’t the ex-boyfriend title, the pregnant girlfriend, not the job occupation. She unintentionally went for the jugular, judging Piz by his given name and for a moment, Veronica loved her.  
  
“No, my name is Stosh. Piz is my nickname,” Piz replied, unable to hide his dismay over the sudden interrogation from this new party.  
  
Razia shook her head shortly. “Neither is the better alternative- I’m Razia,” her arm jolted forward, knocking Logan at his ribs. She rubbed Logan’s side briefly before holding her hand out. “Nice to meet you,”  
  
Piz loosely shook her hand, glancing at Veronica. “Do you both work here?”  
  
“We all work here,” Logan interjected. “I’m a columnist, Razia and Veronica are photographers.”  
  
“What table are you seated at?” Veronica asked swiftly, a feeling of dread coming over her as she spotted the card in Piz’s hand. It was no coincidence that they all just happened to run into each other in the exact same spot, so close to the tables.  
  
“19,” Piz said quietly.  
  
“Us too!” Then, suddenly, the conversation seemed to have caught up with Razia, her smile fading. “And you’re Veronica’s ex-boyfriend!” she glanced from Piz, to Veronica, to Logan, and then over her shoulder at Mark, before finally glancing back at Logan. “How wonderfully awkward this will be,” she said lightly, grabbing a glass from Mark and taking a long sip.  
  
Logan started to laugh, shaking his head. “Not as awkward as it’s gonna be after a couple of drinks,” he smirked as Razia nearly spit out her drink.  
  
Veronica glanced at Logan, then Razia, as they continued to giggle, rolling her eyes. “Okay, then,” she faced Piz, giving him a tight smile before using all her power to glance at Amberly, a forced smile on her face. “Are you guys hungry?”  
  
“Yes,” Amberly said with a groan, running her hand over her bludgeoning stomach. “I could eat a horse right now,”  
  
“Looks like you already did,” Mark snapped, ignoring Amberly’s shocked expression before moving himself between Logan and Razia.  
  
Logan seemed to get the hint, gently grasping Veronica’s wrist and pulling her to his side. “Boy or girl?” he asked Amberly, his hand winding around Veronica’s waist.  
  
Amberly’s eyes lit up and she rubbed her hand over her stomach. “Boy,” she glanced down at her stomach, smiling. “My baby boy- he’s going to be big.”  
  
Veronica’s jaw clenched as she watched Amberly coo at her stomach before allowing Logan to touch her bump. She felt Piz’s eyes on her and couldn’t control the twist of her stomach as she focused her attention on Logan, watching as he pulled out his cell phone, no doubt showing Amberly a picture of his daughter.  
  
Before she could feel left out, she jolted over, wrapping her arm around Logan’s, getting his attention. “Let’s eat,” she said quietly.  
  
He nodded, glancing over his shoulder at Razia. “Food?”  
  
“Please,” Razia gestured grandly toward table 19, allowing Piz and Amberly to pass before grabbing at Logan’s arm. “Don’t fuck with me- is his name really Stosh?”  
  
Veronica bit back a smile, nodding quickly. “We call him Piz.”  
  
Razia shook her head in disbelief. “How is that the better alternative?” She gave them a brief smile, grasping Mark’s arm and pulling him towards the tables. “See you guys at the electric chair,” she hissed at the two before disappearing through the crowd.  
  
“So, we’re actually doing this,” Logan muttered, his hand on the small of Veronica’s back as they made their way through the crowd. “We’re actually going to sit down and break bread with my ex and your ex.”  
  
“And the girl he left me for!” Veronica said cheerfully. “How random is this whole thing, really?”  
  
Logan shook his head. “Piz sitting with us, that’s completely and horribly random. When other companies send reps, they’re spaced out among our people- deals have already been made, it’s just about mingling. Piz’s station probably made an advertisement deal or something with Talk- the company’s dipping into satellite radio, maybe that’s it. Us- me- sitting with Razia, I’m pretty sure that’s someone wanting to get a good laugh.”  
  
She laughed, shaking her head. “Unbelievable.”  
  
“And to think I almost didn’t go to this damn thing,” Logan added with a grin.  
  
The dinner itself wasn’t as awkward as Veronica thought it would be. They all managed to eat without incident, Leon picking up the slack by telling some wild stories about performing in a college band. What were bothersome were the silences, the obvious watching. Logan was clearly watching Mark and Razia, Veronica herself was watching everyone at the table, Piz was watching her, Mark was watching Logan- it was one big clusterfuck of awkwardness.  
  
Leon’s latest story ended and the polite laughter faded. All that was left was the silence, and Veronica was startled when Razia giggled, quickly covering her mouth with her napkin. Logan’s eyes lit up in amusement as Razia continued to chuckle, oblivious to Mark’s glare.  
  
She was nervous, Veronica could see that plain as day. The woman sat between her boyfriend and her ex and she was as embarrassed as could be. Razia’s demeanor was one Veronica hadn’t seen before, and she was certain then that Razia had a couple of drinks before attending the party. Veronica’s reaction to the awkwardness at the table was to be as silent and stiff as could be, Razia’s was to laugh obnoxiously. Logan clearly found it to be cute, Mark wasn’t as amused.  
  
As long as everyone kept ignoring Veronica, she was able to figure them all out.  
  
“So, are you and Logan dating again or what?”  
  
Veronica’s gaze shifted from Razia to Piz beside her, her eyes narrowing. “Pardon?”  
  
“You. And Logan,” Piz’s tone was light and friendly, but his eyes had darkened. Jealous. He was jealous. “You guys are back together.”  
  
She debated lying, just to see Piz’s reaction, but decided against it. Logan was sitting right next to her, a lie wasn’t going to fly. Even if he was deep in conversation with Leon, he was still listening. “No. We’re just friends.”  
  
Piz grinned. “How long is that going to hold?”  
  
She felt herself flush and she allowed herself to smile, glancing down at her plate. Ultimately, she couldn’t be mad at Piz, he knew better than anyone the extraordinary pull between herself and Logan. “We’re just friends,” she repeated. “He got me this job.”  
  
“So you’re not together.”  
  
Veronica frowned. “What do you care?”  
  
Piz shrugged. “I was just wondering if my personal prediction was going to come true.”  
  
“Now that I know that,” Veronica gave him a cold stare, remembering exactly why dating Piz was such a mistake. “We’re still just friends.”  
  
Veronica stilled as she felt Logan’s hand underneath the table, running down her thigh and the conversation she was having with Piz was forgotten. Piz didn’t seem to notice, already turning his attention to his girlfriend. She glanced at Logan’s face, but he wasn’t looking at her, focusing intently on his conversation with Leon. His hand rested on Veronica’s knee, his fingertips running over the material of her dress.  
  
She didn’t move, waiting for him to make the gesture bolder, more sexual, but he didn’t. His hand just stayed there and she wondered if it was a movie of impulse, if that was what he did to Razia when they were together.  
  
“So, what you’re saying is, I should expect to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. If I ever decide to marry you.”  
  
Veronica’s gaze shifted in the direction of Razia’s sharp tone, spotting her in the middle of an intense conversation, or argument, with Mark. Logan’s hand slipped down her knee, a bit lower, as he leaned forward to grab at his glass, and Veronica found herself momentarily distracted.  
  
Mark shrugged, leaning back in his seat. “If we decide to get married, then yes, I expect you to eventually settle down and stop being a teenager.”  
  
“Who the fuck said I’m going to marry you?”  
  
Logan shook his head, picking up his wine glass. “You’re fighting a losing battle, buddy,” he intoned to himself, taking a swig of his wine.  
  
Razia forced a tight smile on her face, pressing both hands against the table. “I’m not having this conversation with you,” she told Mark tersely, throwing down her napkin. “Not here. I cannot _believe_ you’re bringing this up here.”  
  
Veronica glanced at Logan as Razia and Mark continued to argue, oblivious to or not caring about their mixed company. Logan watched them, engrossed, out of the corner of his eye, listening to every bit of their conversation. Veronica’s hand hesitantly rested on his knee and she was surprised at how quick his attention jolted to her. “Hi,”  
  
Logan grinned at Veronica, setting down his glass. “Hey,”  
  
She shifted, removing her hand from his knee upon realizing the intimacy of their positions with his hand on her leg and hers on his knee. “You like my leg?” she joked weakly, nudging him with her knee.  
  
He smiled slightly, and only then did his hand slip away from her knee. “I wanted to check out the material of your dress.”  
  
Veronica’s brow furrowed, perplexed over his weak excuse. “All the way down my thigh?”  
  
“I should’ve paid better attention.”  
  
Razia’s hand slammed down on the table, getting Logan’s attention. “Wanna dance with me?” she asked sharply before glancing at Veronica. It was only then her gaze softened, her eyes pleading with Veronica. “It’s kind of tense here,” she said with a slight laugh.  
  
Veronica nudged Logan, allowing him to stand. Her eyes fell on Mark, sizing him up. “Have fun,” she muttered.  
  
Logan held out his hand, grasping Razia’s fingers against his palm before leading her toward the dance floor. “See you in five!” he called over his shoulder.  
  
Veronica watched Logan and Razia walk to the dance floor, puzzled by his words. Did he know what he was doing underneath the table? His excuse for the move was flimsy at best- was he intentionally trying to seduce her?  
  
Her attention shifted back to the present as she caught Mark staring at her. Her eyebrows rose as she reached over for her wineglass. “Can I help you?”  
  
“You’re wasting your time,” Mark said bitterly, leaning back in his seat. “He’s just killing time until Razia gets tired of me. It’s what she does, she uses and throws away. She did it to him, she’s doing it to me, and she’ll do it again to him. Unfortunately for you, he’s just. Like. _Her_. They’re two of a kind.”  
  
Her jaw clenched as she held the glass to her lips, waiting for the annoyance to pass before taking a long sip. “Considering you keep trying to bite her head off, I’m not sure if I should believe anything you have to say.”  
  
He shrugged. “Don’t believe me? You’ll see, you’re just a warm body to pass the time.”  
  
“I was there first.” It was a weak response, but one nonetheless. This Mark guy was pissing her off, more so than she would’ve been just sitting in silence with Piz, his girlfriend, and Mark the idiot.  
  
“If you can’t see the desperation in his eyes, you’re seriously the most deluded person I’ve ever met,” Mark sneered. “He _pines_ for her. And she doesn’t care because it’s what she does. He’s going to do to you what she’s doing to me.”  
  
“Maybe she’s about to ditch you because you’re an asshole, not because it’s _what she does_ ,” Veronica said icily, giving Mark a grim smile before turning in her seat and gazing out into the crowd.  
  
Logan’s eyes narrowed across the dance floor, his gaze on their table across the hall. “What’s your idiot boyfriend telling my date?” he said softly.  
  
Razia coaxed Logan to sidestep, glancing past his arm at the table. “He’s probably trash-talking me,” she said with a bright, but forced, smile. “He’s been in one of his moods all night,” she leaned in conspiratorially, her brow furrowing. “He thinks you’re still in love with me, that jackass.”  
  
He laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah...”  
  
An amused glint flashed in her eyes. “Yeah you are, or yeah he’s a jackass?”  
  
Logan’s lips pressed together tightly before he managed a tight smile. “Yeah,” he was startled by how quickly her smile faded and he struggled to recover, to fix the poor attempt of a joke. “Option B. Definitely option B. I don’t like you that much at all.”  
  
“I want you to be happy, Logan,” Razia said, her tone serious and there was none of that playful spark that was in her eyes just moments ago.  
  
“I am happy.”  
  
“ _Truly_ happy,” she firmly continued. “I don’t want you to settle or to float by, I want you to be happy.”  
  
He let out a breathless, anxious laugh, lowering his head for a moment before glancing at Razia. “Baby, I’m _happy_. I’ve got my health, money, a good job, and my little girl- I’m all good at the moment,” he shook his head as she continued to eye his expression. The conversation had changed so rapidly, and they had been doing so well. “Hey, I’m cool. Don’t worry about me,” he paused, a smile on his lips. “I’m a little worried about you, though.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“You know why.”  
  
She giggled, rolling her eyes. “Please. I’m a ghost. One day, I’m here, the next, I’m gone and you won’t even remember me, it’ll be like I was never here.”  
  
Logan shrugged, less than amused by her humorous tone. “What, you’re just going to float by? You quit us, you’re quitting this job, you’re leaving Cali...” he chuckled bitterly, already hating himself for going in the worst possible direction for conversation. Things that had never been discussed, and had been avoided for months, were now coming out of his mouth and he wanted nothing more than to go over to Veronica and have some fun. He was trapped between all these bodies dancing around them, trapped by Razia’s gaze, which continued to become equally concerned and panicked as he talked. “You really want to get away from me, huh?”  
  
Razia shook her head, her arm sliding over his shoulder, pulling him closer to her in a weak, one-armed embrace. “I just need to go, Logan.”  
  
“You were never planning to settle down with me, were you?” His head tilted, his mouth grazing over her ear and for a moment he was light-headed as they swayed, her hand a distraction as her fingers dug into his shoulder. “I need closure,” he murmured against her ear, surprised at the shakiness of his voice. “Just give me that and let me go. Give me that.”  
  
She was silent for a long moment, not acknowledging his demand. Then her forehead had lowered to his shoulder and she nearly slumped there. “Veronica is nice. And beautiful,” she said weakly. “Don’t you think?”  
  
“Logan!”  
  
Logan and Razia separated at the sight of Harrison, the bright smile already on Razia’s face, and it was as if their conversation hadn’t happened at all. Logan knew that attitude of hers well: keep smiling. He couldn’t manage the same act, his gaze on her, unable to shake the last moments of their dance from his mind.  
  
He finally forced a smile on his face. “Good evening, sir.”  
  
Harrison nodded, lifting his glass of wine in greeting. “I would like to talk to you about Random House’s book offer.”  
  
Logan fought back the urge to roll his eyes, feeling Razia drift away and he was left alone with Harrison and her perfume. She was gone and he had to fend for himself. Now came the same old spiel, the bullshit that needed to happen to get Harrison off his back. “I’m not interested in a book,” he started, stifling the tired sigh from escaping his lips. “I’m not interested in anything.”  
  
Veronica watched as Logan looked uncomfortably lost as his boss began what was sure to be a huge lecture about something. Her attention shifted to Razia as she passed by the table, not acknowledging her or even her boyfriend as she headed for the glass doors. Veronica stood with her champagne glass in hand as she started to follow her. If there was a chance to find out the truth, this was it. Everyone’s guard was down, a non-professional setting, this had to work.  
  
Razia slipped past the two tall men on the large balcony, avoiding the inevitable crash of their drinks with her long white dress. Veronica’s eyes stayed on Razia's dark hair, on her tan back. A diamond chain hung down over her spine, swaying to and fro as she walked.  
  
Surely, Veronica was insane. There was no reason whatsoever for her to ditch Logan at this big industry party to talk to his ex. No reason at all.  
  
Except curiosity. She had to know the truth, even if it wasn’t hers to know.  
  
Veronica licked her lips as she approached Razia, who was looking over the balcony at the fountains beneath her. Veronica slipped beside Razia, taking a casually relaxed position as she leaned against the stone railing. “Hi. Again,” she said breathlessly, setting down her glass of champagne on top of the stone surface.  
  
Razia’s nose crinkled up at the sight of Veronica before she could stop it, and she quickly recovered, lowering her head. She frowned, resting her forearms on the table as she leaned forward, her eyes scanning the lawn. “What’s up?”  
  
Veronica shrugged. “Nothing, just thought I would check up on you,” she laughed cordially. “Mark’s a jerk, huh?”  
  
Finally, Razia let out a silent laugh, her head bowing. “Oh, yeah.”  
  
Veronica pressed her lips together as she gathered up some nerve, her eyes on Razia’s expression. “He’s jealous of your relationship with Logan, huh?"  
  
Razia shrugged, reaching into her clutch and pulling out a silver case. She opened it, taking out a cigarette.  
  
Veronica hastily reached into her own purse, pulling out a Zippo lighter and igniting it. She grinned, holding out the flame in front of Razia. Years of going undercover had taught her that a lighter always worked with conversation- it gave an in. A sense of immediate friendship. Smokers tended to relax.  
  
“Thanks,” Razia said gruffly, with just a hint of surprise, leaning over and covering the flame with her hand as she lit her cigarette. She paused, taking a puff and never removing her eyes from Veronica. She pulled the cigarette away from her mouth and exhaled, the smoke disappearing into the night. “Logan...it’s complicated. Mark makes it even more so,” her eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Why?”  
  
She smiled sweetly, closing and putting her lighter away. “Think of me as the old girlfriend drilling the latest one for some info and gossip,” Not a complete lie. Not at all. She knew nothing about Logan’s life after her departure and before her return that wasn’t from a pro-Logan source- the lack of information was killing her. “I’m just nosy. What happened?”  
  
Razia sighed, combing her thin fingers through her ponytail. “It was fun, Logan and I. We had a lot of fun,” To Veronica's surprise, Razia smiled fondly at the memory. She seemed to gather herself together, quickly continuing. “We were young and passionate. A lot of fire and love; and it was intense. Then we imploded. End of story.”  
  
“You broke up with him?” Veronica asked quietly, and Razia nodded. “Because of the kid?”  
  
“Listen, it was _never_ about Mia. Everyone thinks it’s about Mia and Parker, and it’s not. Not all of it-” Razia cut herself off and sighed, taking another drag of her cigarette. “It wasn’t about the kid. It was about Logan and I. Us only. We couldn’t-” She paused, trying again. “I couldn’t- he-” Razia smiled grimly, pointing her cigarette at Veronica. “Baby, you have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.”  
  
Whatever traces of the smile that was on Veronica’s face disappeared. Maybe she had stepped too deep. This wasn’t happy, peppy Razia; she wasn’t in a good mood. “What do you mean?”  
  
Razia licked her lips slowly, leaning forward. “I’m not going to lie to you, okay? Logan was a wonderful boyfriend, as long as the kid and Parker weren’t involved. He was smart, very attentive, good with conversation, loved to spend money and sex with him was like _art_ ,” she smirked slightly, looking Veronica up and down. “But I guess you already know that?”  
  
Veronica flushed, forcing a smile. “Yes.”  
  
Razia nodded. “Yeah, well, if you’re expecting to be the number one thing in his world, think again. You won’t be. Ever.”  
  
“You were jealous of his daughter?”  
  
She rolled her eyes. “No. It’s just...” she trailed off, another sigh escaping her. Finally, she grinned. “Let’s just say…if you want to just impulsively take a trip somewhere, just you and him, it won’t happen. You want to go on a weekend vacation spur of the moment? It won’t happen. He has to check, and double-check, and check again, and again. Then he’ll spend most of the time on the phone with Parker, or talking to the baby. Or worrying,” she shrugged. “I wasn’t jealous. I understood, but...” she laughed dryly. “You can only be so understanding. I’m pretty independent, but it was-” she cut herself off again, and Veronica slowly realized that this had been something she hadn’t really talked about, had been holding on to. “I realized that he wanted someone to marry, to join his family, to be a part of the picket fence world he was working for. I’m not picket fence material; he thought he could change me. That’s it.”  
  
Veronica’s eyes narrowed. “That’s it?”  
  
A shrug. “We tried to make it work. We started fighting after years of rarely doing so. I tried to adjust, and he didn’t notice the strain. Things got worse. I was young, and I didn’t believe in compromise. I didn’t want to sacrifice my freedom and I felt like that’s just what was happening.”  
  
“And?”  
  
Razia's eyes darkened slightly. “I walked.”  
  
Veronica stood there stunned for a few seconds, taking the opportunity to pick up her champagne and steadily drink half of it. She lowered her glass, inhaling deeply. “He didn’t try to get you back.”  
  
“Oh, yes. But I didn’t bend,” Razia’s gaze softened ever so slightly. “I was cold. Mean. It wasn’t his problem, it was mine. But we both hurt each other a lot after...we still do, I think, but don’t think I never loved him. I did. Still do.”  
  
“I never-”  
  
“I loved him a great deal. I would’ve married him had I been...” she trailed off, shrugging. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”  
  
Veronica was silent for a moment, gazing at Razia and looking for her lie. Razia met Veronica’s stare, and it was then Veronica saw it, the faint haze of a hurt long buried. It still stung. Razia still felt the blow. She didn’t know what to tell the woman, she had been there herself many times, about half of them with the same man. “Sorry.”  
  
Razia straightened up, the dull indifference already back in her eyes as she forced that bright smile that Veronica was so used to seeing on her face. “Whatever. It’s over. That’s life, right?”  
  
That was it. There was no clean and cut answer. No “he was a jerk” or “I wanted to play the field.” There was no direct explanation. Veronica was used to black and white answers, straight to the point. There was none here. She didn’t know what to say, so she chose to down the rest of her drink. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Why?” Razia smiled warmly at Veronica. “It happens, it wasn’t your fault,” she sighed, putting out her cigarette on the stone edge. “Sorry for venting my issues on you.”  
  
“It was nothing.”  
  
“You say that now, but when I’m drunk dialing you...” Razia trailed off, grinning as Veronica chuckled.  
  
“Veronica!”  
  
Veronica looked up, her eyes falling on Logan as he pushed through the crowd towards their corner of the balcony. She opened her mouth, unable to speak, finally laughing in defeat.  
  
Razia smirked, throwing her cigarette in Veronica’s empty champagne glass. “Best of luck to you,” she murmured, squeezing Veronica’s hand as she brushed by.  
  
“Thanks,” Veronica muttered, licking her lips slowly.  
  
Razia lifted her hand, giving Logan a quick high-five as he held his hand up. “You owe me a cigar,” she told him matter-of-factly as she walked past.  
  
Logan groaned, rolling his eyes. “I thought you forgot about that- I’ll spot you later,” he grinned as she gave him a thumbs-up before walking away from him.  
  
Veronica stepped forward as Logan approached, forcing a smile on her face. “Hey. And here I thought I was great at hide and seek.”  
  
“Mm, it’s a selective gift that only few can master. Mia’s great at it,” he leaned down, peering carefully at her expression. “You okay?”  
  
She nodded. “Yeah. Just talking to Razia.”  
  
He grinned anxiously, glancing over his shoulder at the double doors that Razia had just walked through. “Why?”  
  
His eyes lingered on Razia’s back, and Veronica was suddenly nervous. Razia’s confessions did nothing to ease her worries. They were still roped into their torturous game and she was getting taken down with them. This was a bad, bad idea.  
  
She shrugged, glancing at the ground quickly before looking up at him. “Just wanted to apologize. I had been slacking off at work lately.”  
  
Logan stared at her for a long moment, and she gazed back, morphing her smile into a more relaxed one. He continued to eye her and she held his gaze, realizing quickly that he was trying to catch evidence of a lie on her face.  
  
Finally, Logan relaxed, a weak grin coming on his face. “Okay,” he said simply. He glanced over her shoulder at the fountains before back at her, giving her a slight shrug. “Listen, do you want to-”  
  
“Veronica, may I have a moment of your time?”  
  
Veronica tried not to cringe as she glanced over Logan’s arm, coming face to face with Harrison. He was just attacking everyone tonight. She forced a bright smile on her face. “Yes!” The smile wavered when she saw Brenda standing behind Harrison, warily catching Brenda’s penetrating stare. “Yes.”  
  
“I’ll talk to you later,” Logan muttered, making a quick getaway through the crowd.  
  
Harrison set down his wine glass on the tray of a passing waiter. “Brenda has informed me that Razia has chosen you to photograph her family for the big Modi piece in our anniversary issue,” Before Veronica could respond, Harrison continued. “It’s a big deal; the Modis are a respected family in Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, three of our biggest markets. This anniversary issue will go as far as Australia and Japan since we are looking to expand internationally. This just might get your name out there, and if your piece on the Modi family goes well, you will get a byline on the cover of the issue.”  
  
Veronica’s smile remained frozen, waiting as Harrison stared at her expectantly, a happy grin on his face. She didn’t know how to respond, what he had expected of her. She knew this had to be something major, this was something to be exhilarated about, but she couldn’t muster up the emotion for him. Everything was looking up for her, she saw it all around her, but there was still that nagging feeling that things could go wrong, would go wrong, as they always had. She was terrified of getting her hopes up.  
  
“This is a big deal!” Harrison exclaimed when Veronica said nothing. “Hardly anyone gets bylines on the cover! Logan just started getting bylines this year!”  
  
“Oh,” Veronica finally said stiffly. “Thank you.”  
  
“Thank you?” Brenda repeated, her eyes narrowing. “This is a big, big deal- one that I wasn’t sure you would be able to handle, but Razia has the utmost confidence in you. This is an honor and you’re strongly encouraged not to muck it up.”  
  
Harrison gave Veronica a warm smile. “Brenda’s honesty is like a love letter, isn’t it?”  
  
Veronica allowed herself to relax a bit, nodding briefly. “I will do my best, sir.”  
  
“Not your best,” he replied firmly. “ _The_ best. We do not accept mediocrity for this company.”  
  
“Yes, sir, thank you.”  
  
Harrison grinned proudly. “We only accomplish the best here, Veronica. This is an honor!” he reached over, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “Enjoy yourself!”  
  
Veronica nodded again, giving Harrison a smile before turning towards her table. Logan, Razia, and Leon were gone with only Mark sitting there as he checked his phone. Piz and Amberly had appeared to have ditched the festivities and Veronica couldn’t say she was disappointed. She turned away from the table with a sigh before walking across the balcony leading to the outside level of the reception hall.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much for avoiding Hurricane Mars.

She walked out onto the balcony, spotting the large boisterous group around several circular tables over the large fountain. Logan was among them, seated between Leon and Razia, a cigar between his teeth as Leon lit it. Everyone talked loudly and laughed merrily, with not a care in the world. The life of the rich, artistic, and beautiful. The new generation of 09ers, the rich bohemians, the innovators, the stylish, the future of hip.  
  
Her FBI pantsuits didn’t fit in among their designer clothes. She couldn’t build a carefree attitude from the thick brick walls she had put up for years, she couldn’t laugh and discuss trivial things without it feeling like a sham. She yearned for Wallace or even Rita, someone who was able to mix and take the attention away from how much she didn’t fit into their puzzle.  
  
As good as her life was going; she knew she would never fit in with their group. After nearly fifteen years of trying, she had finally come to terms that this was never going to happen for her.  
  
Logan turned his head, smiling at the sight of Veronica and waving her over. Razia turned in the direction of Logan’s stare, grinning at Veronica as she also gestured at Veronica to join them. For a moment, Veronica wanted to turn, walk out of that damn party and catch the closest cab. She silently ordered her feet to move and they did, right for the group.  
  
As she got closer, she saw the array of plates on the tables, filled with the remainders of appetizers and cigarette butts. Wine and champagne glasses were picked up and downed before another round was poured- someone managed to sneak out a couple of bottles- and there were napkins everywhere, some done into origami figures, some drawn on.  
  
This definitely wasn’t her scene.  
  
She forced a smile on her face; the smile should’ve been frozen now, as she approached Logan’s side. “Hi.”  
  
Logan gave her a warm smile, gesturing at the table with the hand holding his cigar. “Come sit with the cool kids. We just got here ourselves.”  
  
She glanced around, her eyes falling on the silver ice cream bowls also around the table, one that both Razia and Logan were currently sharing. “There’s nowhere to sit.”  
  
Logan pushed his chair back slightly, patting his knee. “Sit.”  
  
For whatever reason, Veronica glanced to Logan’s left at Razia for a reaction as she perched herself on Logan’s knee, and she got none. Razia grinned at Veronica as she sat before returning her attention to the ice cream in front of her. “Where did the ice cream come from?”  
  
The woman she remembered as Trisha Hamilton, Jill of all Trades at Talk, held up her hand. “Benjamin Franklin got us dessert an hour early. We wanna get the hell out of here.”  
  
It was then Veronica noticed Trisha had a slight Jamaican accent and she made a note to pay better attention to her co-workers. She adjusted herself as her ribs nearly pushed into the edge of the table, her hips pushing into Logan’s as she slid back. He abruptly straightened up in his seat and she swiftly moved off, feeling a flush of embarrassment coming over her cheeks over the impromptu lap dance. “Going somewhere?”  
  
Logan turned his head, blowing smoke over his shoulder and out of the way of the dresses on the women surrounding him. “They’re going to a club to get cheap beer thrown on their thousand dollar dresses.”  
  
Trisha gave him a playful glare. “My _three thousand_ dollar dress, thank you.”  
  
His eyebrows rose. “I stand corrected.” He reached over, snatching the ice cream bowl from Razia. “Stop bogarting the chocolate syrup, this is the last time I’m telling you.”  
  
Veronica watched as Razia took the cigar from Logan’s mouth before taking a long draw. “I got offered a byline.”  
  
Logan’s eyes lit up in surprise. “Great!”  
  
“That’s an honor,” Razia said with a pleased, knowing smile. “You’re going to do wonderfully.”  
  
Leon patted Veronica’s knee. “Good job, girl. Don’t fuck it up.”  
  
Trisha pointed at Veronica. “A little birdie told us that you used to work for the FBI. Fact or Logan’s fiction?”  
  
Logan let out a bark of a laugh, glancing at the sky as he threw down his spoon before snatching his cigar back from Razia. “ _Logan’s fiction_? I didn’t tell you people shit, it’s not my fault your roommate in HR has a big mouth.”  
  
Veronica glanced at Logan, slightly surprised when Logan’s free hand drifted as he spoke, the pads of his fingers dragging across her upper thigh before settling on her knee. Then the moment was gone, Logan’s hand lifting and settling on the table. Her eyes fell on Razia by instinct now and she was startled to find not the regular blasé attitude she was used to.  
  
Razia’s eyes had darkened as her spoon lingered on her lower lip, her eyes on Logan’s face for a long moment before she blinked slowly, looking away as her jaw clenched.  
  
And there it was. Razia wasn’t as unflappable and cool as she must’ve liked to be seen. There was the jealousy, the resentment, the bitterness, all in one moment.  
  
Primal instincts now caused Veronica to glance at Logan and she caught his glance at Razia, concern in his eyes for just a moment before the indifference settled in as he leaned back in his seat, his shoulders slouching.  
  
Trisha rolled her eyes. “Aren’t you the one who said your mother knew Mandela?”  
  
“You _assumed_ I was talking about Nelson Mandela. My dad’s driver was Jeff Mandela.”  
  
“Oh, that is such crap!”  
  
Veronica didn’t know how she hadn’t notice it before or even recognize it for what it was. Tension. Their current relationship wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows like they wanted everyone to think. The public version of events was the Hallmark movie version, one they would tell people who wondered just how they did it, how they made it work through a breakup and made it easy and friendly and could they share their secret for the masses? Razia wanted the breakup and Logan didn’t, of course it didn’t end easily. Logan’s cavalier attitude with his casual relationships with women wasn’t a carefree impulse, he was angry. Angry at her, angry at himself He was sticking it to his ex-girlfriend; he was trying to forget her. How could Veronica have missed that?  
  
“Yes,” Veronica said, remembering she was in the middle of a conversation. “I was a FBI agent for a couple of years. Field division.”  
  
Trisha raised her eyebrows, impressed. “What the hell are you doing here, then?”  
  
Veronica started to respond, but Logan cut her off, offering Trisha a smile. “It burned her out. She saved a lot of kids from human trafficking, it takes a toll. She decided to come home and do some mindless work for a while, and she’s just that talented to be able to work for a magazine.”  
  
His rush to protect her from embarrassment both surprised and touched her. She quickly nodded, glancing down at her lap. “I got bored...” she trailed off, shrugging.  
  
Leon grinned. “It had to be killer, chasing down the bad guys with guns. You were all Bourne Identity and shit, right?”  
  
Veronica shook her head, a laugh escaping her as the truth spilled out of her, one that for years she had buried out of stubbornness, out of refusal to believe that she had made the wrong choice. “It _sucked_.”  
  
A burst of shocked laughter escaped the people around the tables and Veronica was suddenly attacked with questions, people she didn’t even know wanting to hear details about her best and worst jobs, how hot the guys were, how tight her abs used to be, and Veronica was happy. She was actually being included in their conversation and she managed to make them laugh once or twice.  
  
“Serious question,” Leon said loudly, shushing everyone with a wave of his hand. “How strong are your thighs?”  
  
Veronica felt her cheeks burn as the table groaned, and she felt Logan’s forehead on her shoulder as he laughed. She grinned, deciding to play along. Three years ago, she would’ve shot this guy a glare and insulted his lack of decency and professionalism, but now she was forcing herself to loosen up. It was all in good fun. “In the field or the bedroom?”  
  
“Okay!” Logan swiftly exclaimed as the group started laughing and Leon high-fived Veronica. “Enough of my date’s thighs and her abs and the bedroom-”  
  
“How _are_ her thighs in the bedroom?” Razia asked abruptly, a smile playing on her lips.  
  
Logan smiled that specific smile that Veronica recognized as an embarrassed one, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t know.”  
  
“I think you _do_...”  
  
“I _think_ you’ve drunk too much,” Logan said, sharper than intended, as he took the wine glass out of Razia’s hand, setting it in front of Leon.  
  
“Ooh,” Trish quickly put out her cigarette, jumping to her feet. “Brenda at eight o’clock- back to mingling with the other companies…”  
  
The group reluctantly, yet swiftly, stood and made their way back into the reception hall. Logan’s fingers dug into Veronica’s hip for a moment before he let go, allowing her to stand. She turned, giving him a smile as he continued to sit there, gazing up at her.  
  
“We should get in,” Veronica said, glancing over her shoulder.  
  
Finally, Logan nodded, jumping to his feet. He sighed before grasping her hand in his and leading her to the doors. “I’m bored. Dance with me,” he whispered in her ear, his lips brushing over her cheek as he pulled away.  
  
The dance floor was surprisingly crowded, and Veronica could see that Piz hadn’t left, he had relocated to another table and was busy giving his girlfriend a subtle foot massage underneath the table. Logan’s arm wound around Veronica’s waist, pulling her against him as the house band began another song.  
  
“So,” Veronica started, glancing up and giving him a smile. “How many of the girls here have you seen naked?”  
  
He grinned, subtly pointing at the blonde standing by a floral arrangement. “Missy Coll,” he whispered in Veronica’s ear. “Blew me four years ago, in the bathroom of the Grand ballroom during a charity benefit. She’s married to the owner of the Sharks, now.”  
  
“And her?” Veronica said softly, gesturing at a black woman having a very animated discussion with one of the women from HR. Her mouth clamped shut as his hand pressed against her lower back, holding her against him.  
  
Logan laughed, glancing at the ceiling. “You sure know how to flirt, this isn’t awkward at all- that’s Jennifer Thompson. We messed around senior year of college...she writes the fashion section of the paper. Still a good friend, she housesat for my cat when I went on vacation with my girls.”  
  
She paused, giving him a look. “You have a cat?”  
  
“Her name is Tops and had,” his mouth set in a thin line. “Razia got custody.”  
  
“Oh,” she mentally kicked herself, trying to think of a way to get back into the playful mood. “Is Tops a black cat? She sounds like a total bitch.”  
  
Logan chuckled, his fingertips pressing into Veronica’s back. “Actually, she is black. Very independent,” he glanced down at Veronica. “Enough about me. Your turn,” he shook his head slightly at her confused look. “You’ve been vague about your FBI life- how many criminals did you catch? What’s your body count?”  
  
Her good mood evaporated swiftly and her eyes dipped down, focusing on his shoulder. “ _Logan_.”  
  
“What?” he said with a slight, tense laugh. “Why the secrecy? I gave you my big secret, show me yours.”  
  
“There’s nothing to tell! The same old.”  
  
He watched her expression closely, a frown on his lips. “What’s your body count?”  
  
“This isn’t appropriate reception hall conversation.”  
  
“Neither is how many girls blew me- what’s your body count?”  
  
“It’s better if you-”  
  
“Ten?” She didn’t respond and his eyes widened. “More than _ten_?”  
  
She met his gaze, shooting him a glare that clearly meant “STOP.” He didn’t press on, getting the hint, and she rested her forehead on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her waist, holding her in a loose hug as he let her dance in silence.  
  
Veronica felt herself give, the assurance she had mustered up falling prey to that dark place she had been afraid of, that she managed to hide with jokes and ice and even awkward rambling. All of it a caricature of whom she used to be, the Veronica Mars that had all but died in that one, blotched mission and had been replaced by the stranger that stared back at her every morning when she looked in the mirror.  
  
She shook her head, her fingers digging into his shoulder. He didn’t appear to notice, his eyes drifting off to the couples around him.  
  
“You have no idea what I’ve done,” she said, the dull monotone of her voice surprising her. Or maybe it wasn’t the voice that surprised her, it was the fact that she was allowing it to make itself known. “The things I’ve done to keep justice and the truth out in the open, for years. I’ve done it for years since I was sixteen and no one cares,” she felt his attention turn back to her and he tensed. “You wouldn’t understand how much shit I’ve stopped, what I’ve done- what I did for you-”  
  
“What did you do for me?” he asked softly, unable to pay attention to the people around them, and it was like they weren’t dancing at all, just swaying along the people around them. Everything stopped, this conversation had turned suddenly and he wasn’t comfortable here. This was an emotion he had thankfully forgotten, that feeling of dread and suspicion that had come with living in Neptune, and now it was back in an instant, thanks to Veronica Mars. He would’ve hated her if he wasn’t so concerned for her at the moment. One emotion outweighed the other, as it always did.  
  
She lifted her head as she smiled wryly, ignoring his question, unable to face it. “It’s too much, no one understands it. You- you just go through the motions after it happens because no part of you is- I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t recognize myself, I’m, like, a-” she chuckled dryly. “A _zombie_ and I can’t fix it.”  
  
“What did you do for me?” he asked again, firmer this time.  
  
Her eyes locked on his. “You don’t want to know.”  
  
“I do.”  
  
A short, bitter laugh came from Veronica’s lips as she lowered her head again. “If they knew, I would’ve been discharged way before I was, so I didn’t say a word,” she lifted her head, inhaling shakily and she was surprised by the tears welling in her eyes. “I don’t know what happened to me,” she said softly, a harsher, unrestrained laugh cutting her words off. “It’s kind of scary. How could you understand-”  
  
His lips moved toward hers, his lips briefly against hers and it forced her rambling to stop. He hadn’t meant to go in but he couldn’t stop himself. Her tears, as sparse as they were in that moment, were beautiful and she was beautiful and he was confused. There were rules to abide by to avoid the dangerous feelings that always complicated shit. Don’t get emotionally involved, don’t fall for the emotionally unavailable, don’t get emotional. Emotions were bad.  
  
He never followed the damn rules, who was he kidding.  
  
Logan’s lips pressed just slightly more until Veronica pulled away, her eyes wide and red and for a moment, he felt ashamed.  
  
“Don’t kiss me unless you mean it,” she whispered, unable to get her voice any higher.  
  
It wasn’t a no. He leaned forward, his lips brushing against hers, waiting until she didn’t move away to continue. The kiss wasn’t anything sultry, in fact, it was quite chaste, a prolonged peck between two strangers and yet, she nearly melted with how tender the kiss was, with how much care he dealt her.  
  
After a moment, he pulled back, swallowing hard. “Let’s get out of here,” he said quietly and she nodded, allowing him to lead her to the exits.  
  
The drive back to Logan’s apartment was horribly silent and Logan couldn’t take it. They had gone through the night with minimal embarrassment and now it was all shot. He couldn’t allow that to happen, they were doing so well. Even with the unease growing over Veronica’s partial confession on the dance floor, he didn’t want her to pull away, it would be like Razia all over again- he didn’t know he still had that desire to protect people that weren’t his daughter. “So, I can cook us something at the house since we didn’t really eat-”  
  
“Logan,” Veronica started, with a heavy, tired sigh. “About what I said-”  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” he said simply, stopping at a red light. He didn’t turn to look at her, instead focusing on the light. He knew if he looked at her, all the unease and questions would come to the surface and he just couldn’t get involved with all that, not then. “It didn’t happen.”  
  
She was silently grateful for his response. If she knew anything about Logan, it was that he was perfectly willing to ignore bad things. Maybe now would be no different. “Thank you.”  
  
“You hungry?”  
  
“God, yes,” she glanced out the window, blinking as drops of rain began to hit the window. “Damn, there goes my nice hair,” she muttered. Logan didn’t humor her, opting to turn on the radio and raise the volume, and she allowed the music to control the silence between them.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Veronica laughed, shaking the rain from her hair as she dashed inside Logan's condo. Even with Logan’s jacket on, her dress was soaked, and the skirt clung to her bare thighs. She dropped her heels on the floor, pulling down her skirt as she giggled. “I think you planned that.”  
  
“I totally did,” Logan grinned, shutting the door behind them and locking it. He yanked his shirt from his pants, unbuttoning it. “The storm cost me a fortune, but it was worth it. God owed me one.”  
  
“Maybe God was telling you to stop talking smack about people,” she teased, peeling off the wet jacket. Logan held out his hand and she passed it over. “Maybe it was God’s way of saying shut the hell up.”  
  
Logan frowned, hanging the coat up on the doorknob. He watched her back carefully as she moved her shoes by the door. He waited for any sign of the morose Veronica he had briefly witnessed at the party, but she was gone and happy, normal Veronica was back in place. “Why would he try to stop me? I don't get it...everything I say is interesting.”  
  
She sighed, pushing her hair back from her face. “Still ever the modest one...”  
  
“Baby, I am perfection itself. It’s about time everyone realizes it.”  
  
Veronica had to laugh when Logan gave her a smug smile, all teeth and puffed out chest. He relaxed, a chuckle escaping him and another sigh fell from her lips as she gazed at him. He was soaked to the bone like she was, rain dripping down his face, and he looked just as he did nearly ten years ago. She could’ve fallen in love with him again, right there.  
  
Logan’s smile grew. “What?”  
  
She shrugged, glancing down at her shoes. “I just really needed this party,” she said quietly. “I had fun tonight, more than I thought I would.”  
  
He nodded, his eyes softening as he undid the first couple of buttons of his shirt. “Me too.”  
  
Veronica watched as he turned, walking into the kitchen. “What are you doing?”  
  
“I was bored yesterday night and made did some homemade salsa,” he opened the refrigerator, pulling out a blue container. He threw it into the microwave, setting the timer for thirty seconds. “Sheila at Chasm gave me the recipe, and I gotta know if I did it right.”  
  
She followed him into the kitchen, a smile playing on her lips. “You’re not a fan of salsa? Since when?”  
  
Logan pulled the container from the microwave, stirring it with a spoon. “I still am, just not when I’m trying to cut back- this is strictly for the guests, which you are. Okay, here,” he held up the spoonful, steam rising up from the sauce. “Try this and let me know how it is.”  
  
Veronica opened her mouth, moving towards the sauce, then froze, frowning. “Wait- how am I going to know if I haven't tried the salsa at Chasm?”  
  
“Who gives a fuck- just taste it and tell me how awesome I am.”  
  
She smirked, leaned forward and tasting the salsa. While it would’ve been better with chips, she had to admit it wasn’t half bad. Presumably, Logan could add master cook to his growing list of achievements.  
  
Veronica closed her eyes, oblivious to Logan's eyes on her mouth as she licked her lips. He watched her clearly enjoying the sauce, rubbing her lips together, and he couldn't help but remember their kiss at the party. She was just here as a friend, but he had forgotten how lovely she was. How intoxicating. How close they were standing at that moment. He was stuck.  
  
So much for avoiding Hurricane Mars.  
  
She swallowed, slowly opening her eyes and his gaze shot up to hers. “Well?” he asked, vaguely anxious as he tried to subdue how flustered he was getting at the moment, as he tried to rid the knowledge that if she licked her lips again, he was going to have to take a cold shower.  
  
Veronica slowly smiled, licking her lips again. “That's pretty good.”  
  
Logan grinned as he swiftly turned away from her, taking a lick of the spoon. He slowly counted to ten in his head, trying to calm himself down. “I’m good.”  
  
She rolled her eyes. Now, he was getting cocky. “Oh, God.”  
  
“Say my name. Go ahead.”  
  
She laughed, quickly lowering her head so he couldn't see her. “Stop.”  
  
“Whose house? Logan's house!”  
  
Veronica rolled her eyes, snatching the spoon out from his hand. “It's definitely your house," she muttered, licking the back of the spoon.  
  
Logan grinned, gazing at her lips. “You got something...” he trailed off, pointing at the sauce on the corner of her mouth.  
  
She smirked, lowering the spoon as she wiped at the side of her mouth. “If you wanted to kiss me again, you could've just done it.”  
  
The second the words were out of Veronica's mouth and the smile disappeared from Logan’s face, she was mortified. She was trying to be witty and just a bit flirty, but it had come out all wrong. She sounded downright desperate, and she didn't want him to think that was all she was after, not after all the progress they had made. She was having so much fun and the friendly banter thrilled her and she just wanted to keep it going. Now, he probably thought she was pitiful. _Please, kiss me! I haven't been kissed properly in years!_  
  
She laughed, shaking her head as she started to turn away. “Okay, I really need to go-”  
  
Logan suddenly touched the sides of her face, forcing her to look at him. He gazed into her eyes for a moment before tilting her head back and kissing her softly. His mouth lingered on her lower lip for just a moment before he moved in again, deepening their embrace. Quickly, the kiss intensified, her hands clutching at his forearms, urging him closer.  
  
The kiss had seemed as long as a lifetime, but in an instant it was over. Logan pulled away, chuckling anxiously as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Sorry,” he muttered.  
  
“Don’t be.”  
  
“I overstepped.”  
  
Veronica stood there for a moment, stunned. He had rejected her for weeks, refused to over-think their “thing,” and now he was making the big move. It was just physical, though. There was nothing behind that kiss. It was just like the one at the party, the one outside of club. It meant nothing. They didn't know each other anymore. She had to keep telling herself that they were strangers- that it was nothing like college. It wasn't the same.  
  
And now, it was awkward.  
  
Veronica nodded quickly, pushing her damp hair off her forehead. “You know, it’s late. Really late. I’m going to go,” she said, forcing a grin as she glanced up at Logan.  
  
He gave a quick nod, holding out his hand for a shake. “Okay.”  
  
Veronica mimicked his nod, pressing her lips together as she shook his hand loosely. “Okay.”  
  
She suddenly lunged forward, grabbing the sides of Logan's face as she kissed him hard. There wasn’t any time for thinking- hell, she didn’t want to think. She didn’t want to hesitate or be uncertain about anything, all she knew was that she wanted him and thankfully, he didn't miss a beat, his hands cupping her face as he opened his mouth for her. She gasped as their tongues danced, her arms wrapping around his neck and her body pressing against his.  
  
The sharp beeping of Logan’s cell phone interrupted their embrace and Logan inhaled sharply through his nose, pulling away from Veronica and turning his back on her.  
  
He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, quickly checking it and responding before turning it off. He chuckled, shaking his head as he put it on the counter. “Sorry,” he said softly. “Just a text from Leon...” he trailed off as he felt Veronica’s hands snake around his stomach, sliding down his hips. “Making sure I got home okay,” his voice caught in his throat as her hands ran over his cock, her fingertips applying pressure. “I don’t want to take advantage of you,” he choked as her fingers worked on unfastening his pants.  
  
“Please take advantage,” she said breathlessly. The ache between her legs was growing, she could feel how hard he was already. There was no turning back, no way, not as her hips were pushing into his ass, coaxing him against her hands. “I want you so bad-”  
  
Logan let out a groan, spinning around and she would've stumbled back if his hands weren’t already around her back. He moved and pushed her against the refrigerator so fast, it was like she was floating. His hands were all over, sliding over her neck and down her arms, winding around her back and unzipping her dress. Her leg lifted and wrapped around his ass and he brought her leg up on his hip, stifling a groan when she started to lift herself up.  
  
Veronica's heart was pounding as Logan scooped her up, slamming her against the fridge and her legs were around his waist now, and she gasped as his mouth dipped down to her neck.  
  
This was happening too soon and it was wrong and they were making a mistake, but his hands and mouth felt fantastic and his skin was still damp from the rain and oh, God, he was sucking on her neck.  
  
She licked her lips, her fingers clutching at his hair. “Wanna know how strong my thighs are?” she teased, her breathing ragged as he pushed his hips against hers.  
  
His mouth froze against her skin and he slowly lifted his head, his eyes locking on hers. “Show me,” he panted, and she smiled, slamming her mouth against his.  
  
The kiss was more urgent now, hard and rough and Logan’s teeth were scraping her lower lip while his hips pushed against hers. She met each thrust, surprised at the audible moans escaping her with each round of friction. He shifted off the fridge, setting her on the counter before sliding down her body, pushing the straps of her dress away from her shoulders, sliding the fabric from her chest with shaking hands.  
  
Veronica pushed the dress to her waist, breathless as she watched him push her strapless bra off her chest before his mouth found the skin of one breast, then the other. Her hands buried themselves in his hair, clutching as his tongue moved over her nipple, teasing before his teeth gently bit down. She gasped loudly, her eyes closing as he started to suck on her breast, his hands pushing the skirt of her dress up her body, yanking it all the way up until her dress was an expensive bundle of fabric scrunched up at her waist.  
  
He moved lower, over the bunched up dress and he stopped at her underwear. She was thankful that she had the good sense to wear sexy underwear and he seemed to be appreciating the lace garment before pushing it aside, his tongue roughly sliding over her clit and she couldn’t stop the moan from escaping her as he wasted no time. Her fingers dug into his scalp, pushing his head down more and he obliged her, moving his tongue harder against her flesh. He wasn’t trying to tease, he was trying to satisfy, no longer interested in torturing her or himself. His hand traveled up her body, feeling for her breasts, her neck, running over her mouth as she groaned against his fingertips.  
  
Her hips thrust out against his mouth uncontrollably, waves of pleasure running through her body and sending that heat up her stomach, down her thighs. Her heart was pounding, her breath coming in pants. She wasn’t going to be able to hold on and she wasn’t sure if he wanted her to- no part of him was taking his sweet time, he was working on her with a certain determination and then, there it was. Explosion. Sharp and relentless, her orgasm washed over her as she shuddered against his mouth, her nails buried against the back of his neck as he slowly eased her down. His mouth slipped away, drifting to her inner thighs and leaving light kisses as he worked his way down to her knee.  
  
A smile played on Logan’s lips as he wiped at his mouth before leaning over and kissing Veronica’s neck firmly. She clutched at his dress shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. He allowed her to discard it to the floor, grinning against her shoulder as she tugged at his tank. “Had enough?”  
  
Veronica’s hands moved back to his shoulders, pulling him into a rough kiss. He kissed her back, coaxing her legs around his hips before picking her up, his arm cupping her ass as he turned them towards the long hallway leading to his bedroom.  
  
He knew this was a mistake. Ultimately, he knew that to be true. He was setting himself up again, he was once again getting too close to someone who was and could be an unreliable presence in his life. He knew better, but he was beyond the point of trying to be a responsible adult. Being an adult was overrated anyway, especially when the blonde wrapped around him was grinding against his hardening cock, her mouth leaving wet kisses on his neck.  
  
Veronica gasped as Logan nearly threw her on the bed, his laughter annoying until he hovered over her, his lips brushing against hers as he yanked her dress from her body, throwing it on the floor. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move,” he whispered before disappearing into the dark.  
  
Veronica blinked as a faucet was turned on somewhere to her left, her vision blurry as she stared up at the bedroom ceiling. Logan’s bedroom. It was a huge room, from what she was able to see in the dark. Big, comfortable bed. A work table and laptop in the corner. A chaise against another corner that stood out within the dark oaks that filled Logan’s room- that had to be Razia’s. She had seen a matching white footrest in one of the pictures in her sister’s facebook page.  
  
No. She wasn’t going to dwell, wasn’t going to sit and count how many things Logan still kept that possibly belonged to his ex-girlfriend.  
  
She liked the feel of his sheets against her skin, and she wanted desperately to melt underneath it. She didn’t move, though, knowing full well that Logan would be back shortly. She flushed as she remembered the encounter that had just happened in the kitchen and her arousal at the thought was welcomed.  
  
The bathroom faucet was turned off and she could hear him enter the room. A drawer was opened, and she could see the long outline of his shadow just above the headboard. She stared at his shadow, unable to clearly see his face while her hand slipped down her stomach.  
  
His voice came low, full of confidence. “Ready for me?”  
  
Veronica’s eyes closed, her right hand slipping down her body before she could stop it. “You’re taking too long,” she said breathlessly.  
  
“Mm, I love making you sweat.”  
  
The faint growl in his voice made her shudder, and her hand moved between her legs. The mattress shifted as he kneeled on it, watching her intently. Her fingers stroked at the inside of her thigh, and she gasped as her fingers brushed over her damp underwear.  
  
“Starting without me?” he whispered against her ear, his breath blowing strands of her hair against her cheek. Her hand halted, and he smiled, his fingers drifting over her collarbone as he sank to his elbows over her. “I didn’t tell you to stop.”  
  
Veronica’s hand moved, finally running over her clit and she let out a soft groan, swallowing hard as she ran her fingers down and feeling Logan’s mouth brushing against her cheek. He slid down her body, his mouth settling over her nipple and sucking hard. Her back arched and her hips jerked out, her feet planting firmly against the mattress. His tongue circled her nipple and she mewed in response, her hand stroking down roughly.  
  
Logan’s hand slipped underneath the band of her underwear and between her legs, settling over her own hand and mimicking her rhythm. Her hips were thrusting out, that familiar ache filling her, her hoarse moans filling the otherwise silent room.  
  
“Stop,” she gasped, clutching at his fingers. “Stop.”  
  
His breath caught in his throat as she sat up, pushing him away. “What?” he asked, stunned. “What’s wrong?”  
  
She was on her knees now, crawling a couple of steps until she was right in front of him, her lips on his chin as she left a kiss there. “Why am I having all the fun?” she said with a grin.  
  
Logan smiled slowly, his hands finding her hips. “I’m having way more fun than you think,” he let out a shaky breath as her hands ran down the front of his pants, tugging them off his hips. He tilted his head, managing to kiss her briefly before her head dipped down.  
  
He froze for a moment as her hands squeezed his cock, stroking the length of him experimentally until he exhaled sharply. His mouth dropped as she slid her mouth over him, her fingers pressing firmly as her head bobbed up and down. A low groan escaped him, his hand gripping the comforter before he could grab her hair. He could feel her suck in her cheeks and he nearly lost it, his hips thrusting out abruptly.  
  
Veronica continued on, licking and sucking, and he had to stop her. This whole thing was going to be over before it started, and he wasn’t about to allow that to happen. He grasped her hair, gently tugging. “Veronica, hold on,” he rasped, tugging harder when she kept going. “Fucking stop.”  
  
She released him, straightening up as her narrowed eyes found his, their faces inches apart. Then, her head tilted as she leaned forward, her tongue running over his lower lip. His mouth opened as she pushed her mouth against his, her tongue slipping into his mouth.  
  
Logan was slightly taken aback by this more aggressive Veronica. He had remembered her hesitation, her uncertainty even when she made the first move; but now, there wasn’t even an iota of disinclination or lack of confidence. She knew what she wanted and she was going to get it and it had to be the hottest thing he could ever remember her doing.  
  
He pushed forward, getting her on her back on the mattress. Her underwear was removed and discarded on the floor, his mouth pressing against hers. She used her feet to push down his pants and underwear, her legs wrapping around his hips as her hands cupped his face, keeping his mouth on hers.  
  
Veronica gasped for air as Logan lifted his head, ripping open a condom wrapper with his teeth. He winked at her before slipping on the condom, his lips brushing over her chest as he did so. A cry escaped her as he thrust slowly inside her, her legs tightening around his waist.  
  
It was awkward at first and Veronica was fearful that whatever spark they had years ago had disappeared. He stilled on top of her for a moment and she waited for the other shoe to drop, for Logan to decide that this all wasn’t working. Slowly but firmly, he clutched Veronica’s thigh, pulling her leg higher up over his hip, dipping his hips carefully before thrusting deep and hard enough to acquire a moan from Veronica.  
  
When her hips jerked out, he pushed again, harder, and again, and there was the friction they had been missing. She lifted her head, her forehead pressing against his as they found a rhythm, all hips and flesh and heat. She had missed the feeling of absolute pleasure, of someone so intensely focused on her and nothing else. Logan’s eyes were on her, she could feel his breath against her chin as his hand ran over her breasts. She pushed her breasts up against his chest as her back arched and he thrust harder, his head dropping to her chest.  
  
His mouth found her nipple, sucking hard as he moved faster and her legs unwound from his hips, her feet planting on the mattress as she met his thrusts roughly. Her hand moved down his back, grasping at his waist and urging him on, trying to get him to go deeper. He obliged, groaning softly as she tightened around him.  
  
There was nothing romantic here, they both knew that much. It was rough and impatient, an almost ten year absence forgotten as they remembered each other’s bodies and moans, every arch and shudder and gasp. Even as it was all the same, it was strangely different, two strangers trying to retrieve a long gone feeling. Instead of the familiarity, there was something new there, new places to explore, more places to touch and bite and kiss.  
  
Logan shifted, thrusting at an angle and he was surprised at the sharp cry that escaped Veronica so he quickly did it again, and again, her moans getting louder and more frequent. This was new. This was definitely new, she was never this loud, not in that way, not that he could remember. Her nails dug into his waist, forcing his thrusts and he could like this new and improved Veronica. His forehead pressed against hers as he moved faster and her free arm wrapped around his neck, holding him against her.  
  
Veronica wished for a moment that he would say something, anything, as he fucked her and then a hissed “fuck” escaped his lips as his head slipped to her shoulder and she felt rejuvenated. She grit her teeth as he pushed harder into her, feeling his mouth against her jaw. His teeth ran over her skin as he groaned, his hand clutching her thigh.  
  
A gasp escaped her as they moved faster and she could feel herself heating up, speeding up, losing control. Her jaw clenched as she felt that wonderful euphoria wash over her and her mouth dropped as she groaned, winding and clutching at Logan’s body. Her orgasm was at once shocking and welcomed, that ache giving way to only pleasure, her hips slamming against his hard as she struggled to keep it going, she didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to lose that feeling.  
  
She had become so focused on her own orgasm that she didn’t notice Logan still inside her, tensing as he came, his face still pressed against her cheek. His mouth trailed over her jaw as he nearly collapsed against her, breathing hard. Her hips kept moving, slower now but still going, wanting to continue and she was faintly disappointed when he didn’t oblige her this time, his damn face still buried in her neck, still trying to catch his breath.  
  
Then, Logan slowly lifted his head and he appeared shell-shocked for a moment before that deliciously naughty grin slipped on his face and he kissed her hard, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist. In that instant before the kiss, she saw her Logan, the eighteen-year old boy who was long gone but for now she could pretend he was still alive, that they were both the same people.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Dazed and completely relaxed minutes or maybe hours later, Veronica opened her eyes after what would be called a quick nap. She froze as she felt Logan’s breath on her shoulder, his nose nuzzling against her skin as she turned, facing him. His eyes were dark with lust, eyeing her like a predator.  
  
Her hand slipped down, grasping his cock, already hard, and she bit back a smile as he grunted against her mouth before pushing his lips against hers. She allowed a moan to escape her when his tongue slipped into her mouth and before long they were together again and his almost-pained moans when he came was music. When their next round was over, she was shaking and she didn’t know why. His mouth drifted over her trembling body, kissing away any fear that lingered there and soon she was his all over again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If things were able to be totally comfortable but completely weird, she and Logan were accomplishing it.

Veronica pressed on the gas, speeding through downtown Neptune. She just had to get back to Sunset Cliffs as quickly as possible. Hopefully her father would be asleep and not notice that she hadn’t come home. She definitely didn’t want him to see her looking as freshly fucked as she possibly could, the awkwardness would kill her.  
  
Mortifying. It was just beyond mortifying. Logan had seen her naked many, many times before, yes, but this was different. It was a seven-year difference, a lifetime of changes, they were different people now, and instead of being older and wiser, she had gotten herself into a big mess. She had just fallen into old tricks, and had taken him down with her.  
  
She had allowed it to happen. She initiated it when he stopped and it had just escalated. A slow, hard, long fuck every which way that lasted nearly all night. She couldn't even say it was an accident. An accident was a quickie. This had gone all night, over and over.  
  
Damn if it wasn't fantastic, though.  
  
Veronica cringed, gripping the steering wheel tighter. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she said through gritted teeth, taking a brief glance at herself in the rear view mirror. Her hair was a mess, her eyeshadow smeared, and bruising had started right below her lower lip. Her mouth was still swollen.  
  
She was sure she still had the outline of his fingers on her hips.  
  
She shuddered as she remembered the delicious sensation as her hips rolled against his and she quickly rid the thought from her mind. Each thrust, each moan, had chipped away at the friendship that had formed between them. Everything had changed, she knew there was no use in thinking otherwise- she and Logan could never be just friends, who were they kidding?  
  
Regardless, it was a one night stand. That was it.  
  
Veronica jumped when her cell phone started to ring and she quickly answered. “Dad, I'm sorry I didn't call,” she said shakily.  
  
“When you run out on someone after fucking them, you should at least leave a note detailing how good they were, on a scale of one to ten. It’s only polite.”  
  
Veronica's jaw clenched at the sound of Logan's biting yet strangely amused tone. He didn’t appear to be upset, but the faint annoyance in his voice was perhaps worse than him nursing hurt feelings. She didn’t have time for this. “Logan.”  
  
“I was going to make breakfast for us, you know.”  
  
She sighed wearily, already slipping into the five words that had been used like clockwork with him so many years ago. “I have things to do.”  
  
He sighed. “Ah, memories. Painful, traumatizing memories. I should be used to seeing the Veronica-shaped cloud by now,” his pause was long and excruciating. Then- “No, seriously, how was I?”  
  
Veronica stopped at a red light, using the opportunity to close her eyes as she remembered their night in quick, hot flashes. “Fifteen,” she said softly.  
  
Logan chuckled, and it sent goose bumps down her arms.  
  
“I really have to go,” she mumbled, speeding off as soon as the light turned green.  
  
“Am I even going to see you again in a way that’s not awkward? And willingly?”  
  
She flinched at the softness of his voice. “Do you want to?”  
  
“Well,” he paused and for the first time, she could hear the uncertainty in his voice. “I want to do what we did last night again. Don't you?”  
  
She already felt her response before the word left her mouth. Shivers down her spine, the heat pooling in her belly and between her legs, the blush settling on her cheeks. “Yes,” she whispered.  
  
“Good. I’ll pick you up tonight at nine.”  
  
Veronica blinked in surprise, already beginning to shake her head. “What? Logan, no. I can’t tonight, and we should really take it slow-”  
  
“Wear something that’ll surprise and titillate me.”  
  
She frowned. “Huh?”  
  
He laughed. “You’re saying that an awful lot lately, you know that?” A pause. “You left your underwear at my place.”  
  
“Logan. Stop.”  
  
Logan sighed heavily, and she could hear him moving around on the other end of the line. “Why can’t you see me tonight?”  
  
The truth and nothing but the truth. “I’m going to start moving into my apartment. The movers are coming in a couple of hours.”  
  
“Tonight, then. I’ll meet you at your place and bring dinner.”  
  
She could hear the intense determination in his voice, the way his tone dipped even as he attempted to act casual. How was she ever going to resist? “Okay. Come after eight.”  
  
“Got it,” he let out an abrupt laugh, exhaling sharply. “Later, bobcat.”  
  
Veronica pulled into the entrance to the Cliffs, swallowing hard at the lightheartedness of Logan’s voice. She didn’t know why she felt so guilty, clearly he wasn’t embarrassed, why should she be? “Bye.”  
  
“Get some real sleep.”  
  
She hung up, throwing the phone in her purse. She silently cursed herself for being so weak. There was no way this was going to stay casual. Maybe if she paid the movers extra, they would put the bed together before Logan showed.  
  
The walk to the apartment was excruciating and Veronica silently prayed that her father had left for the office early. She placed the key into the lock and turned it slowly, as if Keith could hear, before opening the door. She stepped inside carefully, glancing around the apartment.  
  
Veronica blinked at the sight of her father, sitting on the couch, newspaper in hand, frozen as she stared at him. “Hi,” she said softly.  
  
Awkward.  
  
He didn't even look at her, turning the page. “If you're going to spend the night with Logan, you could at least call me before I begin to worry. And before you protest, I’m going to give Logan the same lecture when I call him.”  
  
She felt her cheeks begin to flush. This was getting worse by the minute. “Dad...”  
  
“You're both adults. I don't care what you do privately, but it's cruel for a daughter to let her father worry after being absent from his life for seven years,” Keith stood, setting down the newspaper and finally meeting her gaze. “Your breakfast is in the microwave, the movers will be here in about two hours, and yes, this is as awkward for me as it is for you.”  
  
Veronica stood there, stunned, as her father walked down the hallway and into his bedroom. To her surprise, a laugh escaped her. Things definitely could’ve been worse.  
  
  
 ** _Six Years Ago_**  
  
Logan’s eyes remained on Parker, seated across from him on the couch, and he did his best not to appear like he might have been five seconds away from completely freaking out and kicking her out of his suite. She didn’t need that at the moment. Her face was tear-stained, her nose runny, and her eyes puffy as she told him exactly why she had come back to Neptune.  
  
The story itself was maddening and all-too-typical. She started dating some loser and got careless and knocked up. The way Parker described her now ex-boyfriend was enough for Logan to consider catching the next plane to Denver and beating the shit out of the guy.  
  
He also may or may not have been eying her stomach like an alien was about to burst from it.  
  
Parker finally lifted her head, turning to gaze at him as she wiped at her eyes. “So he said the kid wasn’t his, that I must’ve been whoring it up when I visited Mac a couple of months ago and that’s just not true, I wouldn’t do something like that. He said he was going to tell my parents what a whore I was, and I had known this guy since preschool! So,” she shrugged helplessly. “I ran. Looked for Mac, but she’s gone...”  
  
“Transferred to NYU,” Logan mumbled.  
  
“I-I know, I guess it just slipped my mind...” she trailed off, sighing heavily. “I had nowhere else to go.”  
  
He finally smiled grimly, shifting in his seat. “Good to know I’m a last resort.”  
  
She shook her head. “It’s not like that at all. I mean, I dumped you, it would be pretty ballsy of me to come back here all,” she forced a bright smile on her face, tilting her head. “ _What’s up, guy I dumped because he's still in love with his ex! How’s tricks?_ ” the smile disappeared instantly. “It doesn’t work like that, get your head out of your ass.”  
  
Logan’s eyebrows rose at her sudden shift in attitude. “Mood swings?”  
  
Parker groaned loudly, glancing at the ceiling. “They’re _awful_! I almost swung at the waitress at some dive because she put pickles on my hamburger. I’ve vomited so much, I seriously should’ve lost fifty pounds by now. And look at my face!”  
  
“Your face is fine...”  
  
“NO. No, I’m bloated.”  
  
He sat there, stunned, as Parker crossed her arms over her chest before flopping back in her seat. “Well...what about an abortion? Do that.”  
  
“Not an option.”  
  
The indifference he was trying to maintain began to crumble with how lost she sounded, then. He knew he couldn’t just throw her out with nowhere to go. As silence took over the conversation, he tried desperately to think what Keith would’ve done in this situation. Unfortunately, phantom Keith failed him in his time of need. He was on his own.  
  
“Okay,” Logan shrugged, jumping to his feet. “You’re welcome to stay here until you’ve figured out what you want to do. You can have Dick’s old room,” he crossed his arms over his chest when Parker didn’t respond, nodding at the small kitchen. “You hungry?”  
  
Parker didn’t respond, continuing to pout, and Logan nodded, moving toward the kitchen. “I’ll make you some hash browns.”  
  
As he walked away, he could hear Parker’s soft “thank you,” but he didn’t acknowledge it. He didn’t know what his response would’ve been, nor did he want to find out.  
  
  
 ** _Now_**  
  
Veronica walked out of her new bathroom, holding out her arms as she twirled once. A short fashion show was just what Logan was going to have to deal with after making a snide comment about the new work clothes she had just bought and showed him less than ten minutes upon entering her new apartment. “Well?”  
  
Logan glanced up, carefully inspecting her tan, knee-length skirt and long sleeved white blouse. He nodded, picking up his wineglass and downing it. “It’s very FBI,” he confirmed.  
  
She smirked, pulling the blouse down over her hips. “I’m not asking you if it’s _very_ FBI, I’m asking you if it’s chic enough to wear to work. It’s something I would’ve worn a year ago and I still like the look.”  
  
“Veronica,” he chuckled, picking up the wine bottle and reading the label. “Why is this important? The FBI wasn’t you. Let the so-called fashion go.” He glanced at her briefly before returning his attention to the bottle. “Let’s do something more fun,” he said quietly.  
  
She ignored his last comment, placing her hands on her hips. “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“It _means_ ,” he paused, pouring himself another glass. “That I think you don’t like the FBI look at all and are only shopping in the old lady section because it’s what you’re used to,” he gave her a smug smile. “Not what you want. Have Rita shop for you, please, the FBI look wasn’t you.”  
  
“How are you so-”  
  
“I hate the outfit,” he said curtly. “Everyone at the magazine will laugh you out of the building. Burn it, it’s not you.”  
  
Her brow furrowed and she frowned indignantly. “Excuse me, it was so me. I had been preparing for that job forever. I had wanted to be in the FBI since...from the womb.”  
  
“Well, things change _from the womb_.”  
  
“Fine,” Veronica huffed, moving back into her bathroom. “If you’re not going to be helpful, then I’m changing back into my pajamas.”  
  
Logan nodded, returning his attention to the wine bottle. “Do that.”  
  
When the bathroom door was closed, Veronica breathed a sigh of relief before beginning to change out of the work clothes she would now never use.  
  
If things were able to be totally comfortable but completely weird, she and Logan were accomplishing it. He had arrived at exactly eight o’clock, thirteen minutes after her father and Harmony had left, and three hours after she had paid the movers the extra five hundred bucks to move every piece of furniture to the right places so all she had to do was unpack boxes.  
  
He had met her with a big grin, holding up the bag of Italian food in one hand, a bag of wine bottles in the other. He was dressed casually in jeans and a long sleeve green shirt and hadn’t bought his laptop or any work stuff with him, so that was a good sign.  
  
To her surprise, he had greeted her with a peck on the lips before walking into the apartment. Nothing scandalous, it was an almost chaste kiss if not for the faint “mm” he allowed to slip out before pulling away. Still, he hadn’t touched her since that moment, finding the layout of her apartment, the food, and the wine more interesting than her.  
  
She didn’t know what was going on, he barely looked at her since arriving. If she didn’t know better and remember the night before so clearly in technicolor, she would think they were back to square one.  
  
A couple of minutes later, Veronica walked out in the baggy plaid pajama bottoms and navy tank top she had been in when Logan had arrived, and she walked into the kitchen, ignoring his burning gaze that followed her with each step.  
  
“Are you ready to have some dessert?” she called, glancing into the bag that had held their dinner before pulling the other bottle of wine from the bag. “Hey, you got cannolis!”  
  
Veronica held her breath when she felt Logan behind her, her legs weakening when he gently grasped the bottle in her hand, placing it on the counter. Her eyes closed when his hand slipped underneath her shirt, his mouth pressing against her neck. “Logan,” she managed, unable to stop the goose bumps that ran down her arms when he began nipping at her skin.  
  
“The FBI look isn’t you,” he whispered against her skin, his fingertips running down the flesh on her stomach. “I like you just like this,” he kissed his way down to her shoulder, his free hand sliding down her arm. “Natural, hair messy, in your pajamas. I’d prefer naked, but I’ll take what I can get.”  
  
Her hands clutched at the counter as Logan’s hand traveled up her body, his fingers brushing over her bra. Her arm wound up around his neck, bringing his mouth down onto hers and it was then she moaned, feeling his tongue in her mouth. His fingers pulled down the cup of her bra, pushing it down as far as he could, feeling for her breasts and persisting when she pressed against him.  
  
“What if the natural look isn’t me either?” she asked breathlessly, the back of her head dropping to his chest.  
  
“It’s you, I can feel it in my bones,” he said, his lips brushing against hers. “I see you.”  
  
“Logan,” she gasped, her hand grasping as his other hand slipped under her pants, between her legs. “Wait...”  
  
He froze, reluctantly releasing her. His lips rubbed together as she turned to face him, her clothes in disarray. “What is it?” he asked quietly.  
  
“Maybe we should-”  
  
“I don’t want to talk,” he said shortly. “Not when you’re looking at me like that.”  
  
Veronica shook her head, her fingers curling into his shirt and pulling him to her. Deep down, she knew they needed to talk about what had happened and how they were going to go about it all. Hell, she wasn’t even sure what they were doing, and yet, like Logan, she wasn’t eager to discuss any of that at the moment. She just wanted his body against hers. “Fine. Just stay with me.”  
  
“Tonight?” he whispered, his mouth brushing against her forehead.  
  
She nodded, her eyes closing as his hands slipped under the band of her pants. “Stay with me.”  
  
Veronica let out a shaky breath as Logan pushed down her pants, allowing them to fall to the linoleum. She held on to the counter behind her as he kissed her hard, his hands grasping at her hips as he lifted her up on the edge. His hands ran over his skin, her breasts, teasing and coaxing her to come out and play, to stop thinking.  
  
He smiled against her forehead, the pads of his fingers drifting over her thighs. “Want to test out the bed?”  
  
“I don’t have the curtains up yet.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
Everything was a blur- she could feel his hands and his mouth and she was doing something to make him groan the way he was, but she couldn’t recall what exactly. She knew she felt alive, that the heat pooling in her stomach and between her legs was real, that Logan was solid and alive against her, and soon they were moving in unison, flesh against flesh, and she never wanted it to end.  
  
He had still held the penchant for kink she had gotten to know so well so long ago, making her be on top right in front of the open window. He wouldn’t let her bend down, his hands firmly on her hips to keep her upright and she didn’t fight him, it was almost freeing how exposed she was during those moments.  
  
As silly as she felt admitting it, she hadn’t felt that close to anyone in a long time. True intimacy. The way he touched her, explored her skin with his hands and mouth, the way he looked at her, the way he moved against her, the ease she felt in touching his flesh- it was all as perfect as she could hoped for, nothing was awkward. Just like old times.  
  
When they were both spent, she lay on top of him, her head pressed against his chest as he faintly drew circles over her skin. The quiet comfort of their embrace surprised her, she felt protected and at ease. Deep inside, she knew he had missed her for all those years as well. He would probably never admit it, but she could feel it in the way he touched her. His hand would still, flat on the small of her back, before continuing its path. It was as if he were making sure she were still there, that she was real. She had missed that part of him, always touching and feeling and it didn’t bother her as much as it had when they were eighteen.  
  
“I'm still avoiding Keith.”  
  
Veronica bit back a smile, her eyes closing momentarily. “It's going to be awkward no matter how long you wait to face him.”  
  
“I know, I know,” he paused. “You need to paint your ceiling some awesome tie-dye color.”  
  
She smirked. “Duly noted. Tell me something about yourself,” she said with a faint smile as his thumb trailed over her shoulder. “Something I don’t know.”  
  
He thought about her command for a moment, staring at the lighting fixture attached to the ceiling. “I was born in New Mexico.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
Logan nodded, his fingers sliding over her bare back. “New Mexico. Aaron was filming some movie there and mom's water broke at some couture store, or so she said. My maternal grandparents live in New England.”  
  
“Do you ever see them?”  
  
“No. Mom hadn’t talked to them for years. When she died, they just wanted to know if they were in the will. So fuck them.”  
  
Veronica nodded briefly, glancing up to see his expression. She saw the outline of the tip of his nose, he was still staring at the ceiling and refusing to look at her. She decided not to press on, preferring to keep their good mood in tact. “How’s Trina?”  
  
He finally lifted his head, giving her an amused raise of his eyebrows and a smile. “Good. A better aunt and more supportive than I ever could’ve imagined.”  
  
“ _Really_.”  
  
“Yeah, really. I'm shocked as well, believe me.”  
  
She cuddled closer to him, putting on her most charming smile. “Since we're talking, tell me more about what happened between you and Razia.”  
  
His smile faded slightly before he seemed to catch himself and it was then he chuckled, almost anxiously. “Yeah, I'm not falling for that- we're not discussing this while naked. No way.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“And don't give me that innocent, confused look you do when you're caught in a scheme- not falling for it,” he winked at her. “Nice try, though.”  
  
Veronica was silent for a moment, a frown playing on her lips. He was too coherent for the talk, she had to sneak it on him. Later. “Damn.”  
  
He nudged her shoulder with his knuckle. “Listen, don’t be intimidated by Mia when you meet her. She’s five and stubborn and wants me with Parker. Or Razia. They’re really all she knows and she doesn’t do well with new people. Just don’t let her scare you.”  
  
Her grin wavered at his sudden warning, at the faint anxiety in his face. “Should I be worried?”  
  
“No. Just be prepared. She's a little princess and a product of nature by Parker and nurture by me. She's a handful,” Logan shrugged. “I'm just warning you in advance. 'Cause I like ya.”  
  
“Oh?” Veronica leaned forward, taking the moment to nuzzle her nose against his cheek. “Do you love me?” she whispered, smiling against his cheek. He exhaled and her grin faded as she lifted her head up to look at his expression, which wasn't exactly at ease. “What?”  
  
His brow furrowed. “Are we really going to go there now?”  
  
She nodded curtly, rolling on her back and away from him. “I guess now we don’t have to.” She turned her head to the wall, not willing to have him see the flush burning on her cheeks. She was so stupid- a momentary lapse of judgment resulted in a blunt rejection. It was too soon to be discussing the L-word anyway, she didn't know what the hell she had been thinking. She had gotten too caught up in the moment, too comfortable, too willing to fall into old habits.  
  
They weren't eighteen anymore. They weren't teenagers stuck on stupid and stupid in love. They were in their mid-twenties and way too old and jaded for such bullshit. What the hell was she thinking?  
  
Logan sighed, turning on his side to face her. “Veronica, listen,” she didn’t move and he ran his hand over her stomach, the pads of his fingers digging into her hip as he tried to coax her to look at him. “Were you serious with that?”  
  
“No.”  
  
He chuckled slightly. “You were, but that's okay. Let's talk about it?” A pause. “Before this gets even more awkward?”  
  
She laughed bitterly, turning her head to look at him. “Talk about what? About how you're not willing to say you love me?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Why? Is it because I left?”  
  
“What? Where's this coming from?” Logan shook his head, burying his face against her shoulder. “No, it’s because I’m not ready and I’m not going to get myself hurt in the process.”  
  
Veronica nodded slowly, her jaw clenching. “So you’d just rather hurt me?”  
  
“Stop. We were having a good night,” he murmured against her skin. “Do you love me?”  
  
She lifted her head, staring down at him as if he had grown as second head as he peered up at her. “Excuse me?”  
  
He shrugged. “Since you're so eager to discuss it...do you love me? Since this is so important to you. If it is, we'll discuss it,” she snorted and he laughed. “See? Listen, you've just majorly uprooted yourself and had a bunch of life-altering events happen to you- you're in an equally inconvenient and unwilling position to be saying anything heavy at the moment.”  
  
“Don't bring your adult logic into this,” she muttered, her eyes closing as he pulled her to him, her hands pushing at his chest. “Logan, stop.”  
  
“We've known each other since we were twelve, of course I love you.”  
  
Veronica grimaced as he went for the safest answer possible, that good ol' “I love you, but I'm not in love with you,” but nicer and without malice. He wasn't in love with her, why would he be? It had been seven years during which he had moved on and had another serious relationship. “Okay.”  
  
He shook his head, kissing her neck softly. “Come on, Veronica,” he chuckled against her skin. “You know better than I do that neither of us are ready for that crap,” his hand slipped down her hip as he attempted to move between her legs. “There's more...productive things we could be doing instead of wasting our time thinking way too much about bullshit.”  
  
Her eyes closed as his head dipped down to her neck, her breath catching as he started to suck on her skin. “I didn't mean it, you know,” she said breathlessly. “The love thing. I was just-”  
  
“Caught up in the sentiment, I get it,” he interrupted softly, lifting his gaze so their eyes met. A small grin played on his lips then, “I'm more than familiar with inserting my foot in my mouth.”  
  
Veronica smiled slightly, lifting her head and kissing him firmly. The old Logan would've been over the moon over her asking him about the love he had for her, would've immediately began to declare all-too-familiar clichés in a desperate attempt to keep that moment and affection near. This new Logan didn't really seem to mind either way, and even sought to not delve that deep into the discussion, at least not when they were both equally interested in other things. She appreciated it.  
  
“I'm sure we can find better ways to keep your mouth busy,” she whispered against his lips.  
  
A flash of emotion pass by Logan's gaze that Veronica couldn't quite place. Confusion? Pain? She couldn't tell, and for a moment, she wondered if what she had just said was something Razia used to say. Before she could stress, Logan's lips had pressed against hers and before long, she was lost in pure ecstasy.  
  


* * * * *

  
  
Natasha Levinson wasn't paranoid. Her husband was indeed having an affair, as far as Veronica could see from her parking spot in front of a Camelot hotel room. Currently, the man she discovered was Peter Levinson was busy screwing some blonde thing he had picked up at Chasm an hour ago. He was dumb enough to get his kicks in broad daylight. Veronica considered herself lucky for deciding to 'work' during her lunch break.  
  
But that was going to be the least of Natasha's worries. Peter wasn't a practicing lawyer at the local firm. No, Peter was living a double life. He would leave the Levinson residence at 5:45 every morning and not return home until after eight every night. There was no consistency with his daily activities, either. Some days he would rent a hotel room and disappear, others he would drive to the beach and hang out, some times he went directly to his mistress' house to have fun.  
  
Unfortunately, Veronica's job was keeping her from diving head first into the case.  
  
Natasha wasn't a very pleasant woman, Veronica noted five minutes into their first meeting. A housewife whose big event every day was spending the money that Peter was surely earning illegally. A lot of debt, a lot of loans, a lot of gambles.  
  
It felt odd to be where she was at that moment. In a black rental car across the street from the hotel, camera at her side, thermos of coffee on the passenger seat. The only change was the ten-year age difference and the lack of Backup. It was like she had traveled back in time, all she needed was her physics textbook on her lap.  
  
It was an odd thing, to be back where she had been seven years ago. So many things reminded her of the past- her current position, being an outcast, being in Logan's bed- and yet the pink elephant in the room kept popping up, reminding her that, no, Veronica, everything wasn't the same and would never be. She wondered how deep her cynicism, and alternatively, her denial, was going to go.  
  
Peter sure was taking a long time with the wannabe porn star...  
  
Beyond every emotion running through her right now- disgust toward Peter, confused over her current lifestyle choice, sheer boredom, hunger- the one that continued to ebb and flow was a strong desire. Logan had left her sleeping early that morning to go home to shower, then he was going to hit the gym. Even imagining Logan working out and getting flushed and sweaty got her all bothered. It was like college all over again.  
  
The past love faux pas aside, Veronica had no problem keeping their current situation friends first, physical second, and everything else third. She thought Logan preferred it that way as well- he could growl in her ear to fuck him harder one minute, then make fun of her for some stupid reason the next. No fuss.  
  
She didn't know what they were doing. Playing with fire? Having fun? Repeating past mistakes? Taking another chance on each other? It thankfully didn't feel like it had years ago. There was no intense yearning, no soul-crushing pain, no underlying tension. Maybe things would be better this time around.  
  
Or maybe they would crash and burn like they had before.  
  
Veronica wished it weren't noon, at least she didn't have to worry about people staring into her car at night. She also wished she had Logan's work schedule at the moment- the only responsibility he had today was dropping off some laptop and then he was working out. She, on the other hand, was using her lunch break to stalk.  
  
She jumped as her phone chirped beside her, and she swiftly answered it. “Yes?”  
  
“How is it going?” came Nastasha's voice curtly.  
  
“Working on it, you should know your fears are warranted.”  
  
Natasha paused, a sigh escaping her. “When can you show me the proof?”  
  
“Let me get it and then I'll call you. I have to go,” Veronica hung up on the woman, growling in irritation when the phone rang again. She glanced at the phone, her annoyance fading away at the sight of the caller. She answered with a smile. “Hi.”  
  
“So I was thinking,” Logan said, and she could almost see him grinning. “Tonight. You, me, dinner, conversation, good sex...not necessarily in that order.”  
  
Veronica let out a slight laugh, keeping her eyes on the motel door. “Didn't we just spend the night together? Doesn't absence make the heart grow fonder?”  
  
He chuckled. “You were absent for seven years, we gotta make up for lost time,” he was quiet for a moment, a sigh escaping him. “So...what d'you say?”  
  
“Your place or mine?”  
  
“Mine. I'll cook...and I have handcuffs.”  
  
She smirked. “So do I...”  
  
“Ah, we'll have to compare toys. Is that a yes to a night in?”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
“Okay. I'll see you tonight.”  
  
Veronica hung up on Logan, biting back a smile. If anything, Logan could charm the crap out of anyone, and she supposed she wasn't exempt from his smooth talk. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to be, she had missed it. Hell, she had missed him. It was nice to finally allow herself to admit it.  
  
She jumped as her phone rang once more and she muttered a curse, answering quickly. “Hello?”  
  
“Veronica!” came Razia's voice on the other end. A clearly frazzled Razia.  
  
Veronica straightened up in her seat, her eyes on the hotel door. “What's up?”  
  
“I know you're on lunch and I shouldn't be bothering you, but I need you to do me a solid. You can have the rest of the afternoon off if you just do this for me, please?”  
  
Her brow furrowed in concern. “What is it?”  
  
“I have a meeting with my publisher this afternoon, I was supposed to bring some prints but lo and behold, I forgot them at my apartment. Since Brenda is a bitch, there's no way I'm going to be able to leave early, run to my apartment, grab the book and go to the meeting on time. Please, can you go to my apartment on your way back and get it for me?”  
  
“I don't have a key to your place.”  
  
“Got it covered- I already called the landlord- he'll let you in as long as you lock my door before you go.”  
  
Veronica nodded to herself, glancing at the hotel door. “Got it, I won't let you down.”  
  
Razia sighed happily. “Thank you so much, you're a godsend.”  
  
“I'll see you back at the office,” Veronica hung up on Razia, tossing her phone on the passenger seat before starting her car. “Congrats, Peter- your philandering ass will be safe for another day.”  
  
True to Razia's word, the landlord was waiting for Veronica when she arrived, leading her up to Razia's apartment. When you pay a two thousand a month rent, the landlord was clearly willing to go above and beyond the usual call of duty.  
  
Razia's apartment was massive. Large flat screen television, large couches, large kitchen, large paintings and mirrors on the walls...everything was huge. Nothing too gaudy at all, it was a home that was obviously designed by an interior decorator. Stylish, clean, and expensive. It made Veronica think of all the 09ers she still held disdain for and she had to remind herself that Razia wasn't one of them.  
  
Razia said the prints were on her coffee table.  
  
The prints were definitely on her coffee table- in a nice leather case, even- which really didn't explain Veronica's move toward the hallway. Her curiosity was never far behind at any event in her life and it wasn't going to magically disappear now. She was in the apartment of her ex-boyfriend and now renewed lover's ex-girlfriend, why wouldn't she just peek around a bit?  
  
It really wasn't a horrible thing, it wasn't like she was looking for anything bad, she just wanted to look around.  
  
There was a guest bedroom, a guest bathroom, and another bedroom that Razia had converted into a makeshift office with two computer screens, a large whiteboard and a small file cabinet labeled with “photos,” “papers,” and “accts.”  
  
And then there was the master bedroom.  
  
A huge king-sized bed was covered with many pillows and yellow and white sheets. The furniture was white and impeccable. The bathroom was uneventful. Quite similar to Logan's, from what she had seen. Tub, shower, counter with three sinks. The usual.  
  
Veronica noted that the entire apartment wasn't exactly kid-friendly.  
  
She carefully opened up the closet, unsurprised to see the space full of clothes and shoes. Razia, like Logan, had the good taste of someone who never had to understand the value of money and bought massive amounts of expensive items just because. Some of her things still had tags on them, some clothes were still stuffed in shopping bags.  
  
Her brow furrowed as she ran her hand over the clothes, feeling the softness and the sleekness of the fabrics. The gorgeous woman had gorgeous clothes. She wouldn't say that she was jealous, exactly, but...  
  
On a whim, Veronica dropped to her knees, pushing aside the bags. She always had a hiding spot in her closet and she wanted to know if the Perfect Photographer had a similar spot. It wasn't snooping, just curiosity.  
  
Sure enough, Veronica's hand hit against something hard deep in the closet, near the back wall. She reaches in, fingers sliding over cool metal and she grasps what is surely a safety deposit box, pulling it out from its hiding spot. There was a “L&R” in tiny print on the corner of the box and she frowned, trying to open the box. Locked. Sealed.  
  
A shrill chime echoed in the room and Veronica jumped, muttering a curse as she realized it was her phone. She yanked the cell from her jacket pocket, answering. “Yeah?”  
  
“Are you coming?”  
  
Veronica flinched at the sound of Razia's voice, her lips pressing together tightly. “Yeah! Got the prints, I'm coming right now, don't worry.”  
  
Razia breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks so much, you're the best.”  
  
Veronica hung up on her, sitting on her knees for a moment as the wave of guilt rushed through her. Common sense told her to put the damn box back in the closet and leave. But common sense wasn't as loud as her old friend curiosity and she stood, metal box clutched to her chest. She made sure the closet was left as she found it, carefully closing the door and quickly exiting the room.  
  
She nearly forgot the prints on her way out and ran, snatching them up and shoving the box in her bag before walking out of the apartment. She made sure the door was locked and made her way to the lobby, ignoring the pounding of her heart.  
  
“Found what you needed, ma'am?” The doorman spoke up with a grin as she passed him.  
  
Veronica gave him a brief smile, nodding quickly. “Sure did.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was angry at herself, truly.

Razia made Veronica's snooping efforts remarkably easy.  
  
The lock on the box was simple to undo, and inside were letters and CDs. Once Veronica realized the CDs were full of photographs and videos, it was just a matter of burning the discs to her laptop. As the CDs burned, she scanned the letters carefully.  
  
Yes, Veronica knew these were the actions of a crazy person. No sane person would be sitting at their kitchen counter at nearly one in the morning, documents and files spread around their laptop. It was crazy. She knew that. She knew it and yet the need to know the truth overwhelmed every bit of morality in her body. As it had always been, she was in the midst of that self-destructive hurricane, too consumed with knowing every piece of truth involving Logan. No lies, no secrets, only truth.  
  
Or maybe she was trying to catch him fucking something up.  
  
She knew how horrible of a person she was. This woman trusted her. Logan trusted her. And yet...she couldn't stop. How easy it would've been to just ask Logan, they were already sleeping together regularly, she could see his walls coming down, he was becoming more and more comfortable, and yet she couldn't do it. It wasn't just her inability to communicate, she was frozen by Logan. She could see the look in his eyes whenever Razia was brought up or she walked by- this was a fresh wound, still.  
  
And oh, the hypocrisy. A part of her didn't want to know about Logan's life before she reentered, didn't care to know for years, what a coward she was. Too scared to find out the truth then, unwilling to know when her own life was spiraling slowly but surely to hell. Now, she was back and aware and she had to know.  
  
She demanded trust and loyalty from everyone and couldn't even give it in return. What a fucking mess she was.  
  
Luckily, Logan had been too busy to drop by or in since the other day since his boss had been working him with some project, and Razia had dismissed her after she delivered her files. Maybe she could avoid them both for the next year until her guilt had evaporated.  
  
So here she sat. Alone with Razia's box and her own guilt and maddening thoughts.  
  
Plane tickets, concert admission bracelets, shot glasses, and letters. The letters were a mix of written notes, post-its, printed e-mails and random stuff written on napkins, matchbooks, and so on. About four years of memories. Razia kept everything. He had clearly meant something to her. Of course he did.  
  
Some of the letters were rather silly, simple smileys and inside jokes (“APPLE!” “APPLES!”) on napkins and playbills. Some were eight pages of things that were deeply emotional and personal and she felt the guilt stab into her through these the most and these were the ones she carefully folded and put away. And, of course, some were purely sexual. E-mails detailing fantasies and plans and promises and Veronica could remember when he would write her such e-mails and letters and how they used to make her flush.  
  
Veronica jumped when her laptop pinged at her- the last of the discs was burned. She straightened in her seat, pulling the laptop in front of her and opening the first file. Vacation photos. Logan and Razia on beaches, in cafes, in the snow, in front of famous landmarks. Some had Parker's daughter in them, waving happily at the camera, some had Parker herself.  
  
Parker. Parker with dark hair just like her daughter. Parker with her arms flung around Logan's shoulders in front of the Disney castle as he carried her on his back. Parker sticking her tongue out with Razia at some beach party. Parker with little Mia in the ocean, swinging her over the water. Parker, Logan and Mia, all smiling brightly in front of that water fountain Logan loved so much, Mia wearing Logan's sunglasses.  
  
One big happy family. He actually _looked_ happy.  
  
Veronica found herself slightly surprised by the photos of Parker- for some reason, she hadn't expected Parker to be so... _visible_. Logan barely mentioned her now, had no pictures of her that she could see at his place, but she was very much a part of his life. There was no visible strain, no forced affection, they seemed to really enjoy each other's company and she seemed very comfortable with Razia.  
  
The next folder was all of the little girl Logan loved. Mia. Mia in varying ages and sizes. Mia sleeping, Mia happy, Mia crying, Mia with paint on her hands, Mia drinking from a bottle. Logan with Mia on his lap. Veronica was momentarily stunned by the pure adoration in Logan's eyes for the child, she had never seen anything like it in his eyes. Frankly, she wasn't aware that he were capable of it with a child. There was pure love in his eyes in several of pictures, as he held her, as he kissed her, as he lifted her over his head.  
  
For a moment, Veronica allowed herself to think of the horrible time she was afraid she was someone else's daughter. Her father, even with these doubts, had still loved her dearly and still raised her as his own. Absolutely nothing had changed his mind or the depth of his love for his daughter and she saw that in Logan. He actually _loved_ this little girl.  
  
Even her father and Harmony were in some. At barbeques, at parties, at Christmastime and Thanksgiving. In her absence, everyone she had loved had created a nice support group, a new family. Her void had left enough space for them all to find each other and she couldn't place any emotion that ran through her except a certain grief. With all the years gone, she couldn't think of any valid excuses for not keeping in contact with the people she loved, other than paralyzing fear.  
  
She was angry at herself, truly.  
  
Next folder. This one was purely Razia and Logan. These were more intimate than the vacation photographs. Razia indeed photographed nearly everything- Logan's bare back as he stood in the shower, his hand on her thigh and her hand over his in a shot that showed off her engagement ring, Logan asleep in bed, herself in a Disney Jasmine Halloween costume, herself in another full-length mirror, her eyes on the mirror as she held up the camera and Logan behind her, his arms around her waist as he kissed her neck, his eyes closed.  
  
It was all so normal. Logan had lived this fantastically normal life for years, a life she never thought him capable of, a life she was so sure he never wanted. The life _she_ had wanted, or at least she thought she did.  
  
The final object in the box was one she had been avoiding, mainly because she knew exactly what it was. A small box, dark red in color. She picked up the box, swiftly opening it and there sat the engagement ring in the one photograph. It wasn't gaudy, in fact, it was surprisingly simple. She plucked it out of the box turning it around and noticing the inscription on the inside.  
  
 _Forever we'll be_  
  
With a sigh, Veronica gathered the ring box and all the discs and papers, putting them back in Razia's box. She would have to get the box back in Razia's apartment by tomorrow. She knew that wouldn't be a hard task, all she had to do was tell the doorman she was Razia's assistant like before, it was going to be easy.  
  
The guilt she would have to live with, however...  
  
Veronica stood, taking the moment to stretch before picking up the box and putting it in her bag. Her phone buzzed and she picked it up, smiling at the caller before answering. “Hi.”  
  
“Oh, good, you're awake. I'm outside, mind if I come up?”  
  
Compartmentalize. That's the watchword and what she was great at. What box? What betrayal? She was just getting a call from her ex-maybe-current-boyfriend-lover, no big deal.  
  
She smiled slowly, silently grateful she had given Logan one of the spare keys, just in case of an emergency. This could count as an emergency somewhere. “It's a bit late...”  
  
“I promise it'll be worth it.”  
  
She raised her eyebrows slightly. No quip, no jokes. He meant business. “Come on up.”  
  
“Be completely naked by the time I get up there. Counting down.”  
  
With a slight grin, Veronica hung up on Logan, glancing around the room. She closed her laptop before walking to the kitchen and turning off the light and leaving only the lamp by her bed on. She moved to her bed, pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it on the corner of the bed before moving her hands down to her shorts. A smile grew on her face as she heard the key in the door, feeling her body already beginning to heat up in anticipation.  
  
She turned, smirking as Logan locked the door behind him, already undoing the buttons of his shirt. He raised his eyebrows at her as he tossed the keys on the small table by the door before making his way to her.  
  
Logan grinned as she beckoned him over with her finger. “Get on your hands and knees on the bed,” he ordered softly as he stopped in front of her. His eyes traveled over her nude body for a moment before meeting her gaze. “Please.”  
  
Her eyes flitted to her laptop before focusing on Logan once more. The heat of his gaze was so strong, she hesitated before responding. “Only because you said please.”  
  
He glanced at her counter for a moment, giving her a faint smile. Of course he would notice the briefest of looks. “What's over there?”  
  
“Nothing,” Veronica grabbed Logan's belt, pulling him toward the bed. “You wanted me on my knees?”  
  
 ** _Five Years Ago_**  
  
Parker chewed on her popcorn slowly, a frown on her lips. She had no reaction to the zombie being sawed in two by the screaming blonde on the large television, glancing at Logan. “What if it’s a boy?”  
  
Logan shrugged, reaching over and taking a handful of popcorn from the bowl resting on Parker's swollen stomach. “Then I’ll play catch with him. Or something.”  
  
“What about a girl?”  
  
He glanced at Parker, unable to hide the irritation from his voice. “Then _you'll_ play catch with _her_. Or something.”  
  
She gave him a look, yanking the bowl out of his reach when he started for another handful. “We need to talk about this, Logan. We don't have that long to go.”  
  
“Well,” he sighed, slouching back on the couch. “Then you should've thought about that before you decided you didn't want to know the sex.”  
  
Parker rolled her eyes, returning her attention to the television. “We don't have to talk about the gender, we can talk about other things. Considering this was _your_ idea to begin with, it's fucking bullshit I've been doing this alone,” she glanced down at her stomach. “Sorry, baby.”  
  
Logan didn't respond, taking a swig of his soda.  
  
Five months had flown by. Five months since Parker's parents demanded Parker return to Denver, five months since he watched Parker get berated and defeated over the phone, five months since he snatched the phone out of her hand to inform her parents that he was the father, thank you very much, and he and Parker would be making the decisions from now on.  
  
Five months since he and Parker sat in a stunned silence before Logan gathered the strength to call Keith.  
  
Five months since Keith had yelled at him on the phone for making another stupid, impulsive decision that would ruin his life.  
  
Five months since he asked Keith for the number of a good lawyer. Five months of Keith and Parker asking him “Are you sure about this?” on a daily basis.  
  
No, he wasn't fucking sure. But he couldn't leave Parker hanging, he just couldn't. God, he was so fucking stupid. Damn his White Knight complex.  
  
Parker's parents hadn't handled the news well, specifically because they thought she had been dating someone else and yes, they were right, but there was a small window where she visited Neptune that they made work in their favor. They demanded Parker bring Logan to Denver and she did, surprised that Logan had so eagerly agreed to go. While there, Logan took a drive to the dive her ex-boyfriend drank at and had a “talk” with him.  
  
Logan had promised Keith he wouldn't get violent with anyone unless his life was in danger. Keith didn't have to know the specifics of his Denver trip. Neither did Parker. The less they knew, the better. He was good at keeping secrets, anyway.  
  
God, five months of quietly freaking out as Parker's stomach got bigger. Five months of throwing himself head-first into his schoolwork so he wouldn't fail before the baby came and he would have to work harder. Five months of driving Parker to doctor appointments and buying baby shit. He was so detached from it, he didn't know why Parker didn't slap him and run back to Denver.  
  
If there were one thing he was grateful for, it was that the media had finally decided to leave him alone once they realized he wasn't fucking up anymore. At least there was that.  
  
But Parker and this baby, as Keith had reminded him over and over, was going to be forever. Forever. And not forever like he thought he and Veronica would be, this would actually _be_ forever.  
  
“I like Alexander for a boy,” Logan muttered. “Emilia for a girl.” Parker's gaze jolted in Logan's direction and he met her gaze, relaxing as he felt her soften before his eyes. “I-I know you like Mia for a girl...”  
  
“I do.”  
  
“Whatever you want, Parker,” he smiled slightly. “You're the one creating a thing in there.”  
  
“Look, you can back out at any-” Parker suddenly gasped, grabbing at Logan's hand. “It's kicking! Here-” she placed Logan's hand on her stomach, holding his hand flat. She looked at Logan, giving him a smile. “Feel it?”  
  
Logan's breath caught as he felt the faint thump against his hand. Barely there, but something. And something stirred in him, something he couldn't place and didn't really want to. Another reminder that there was something really in her and that something would be in their vicinity oh-so-soon. “Okay.”  
  
“You should talk more,” she continued with a happy grin, the terseness of their previous exchange forgotten. “It should hear your voice more since you're going to be its...” she trailed off as she met Logan's gaze.  
  
A knock at the door startled them both and Parker lifted herself off the couch, handing Logan the bowl of popcorn. “I'll get it!”  
  
Logan watched as Parker did her best waddle to the door. She was so eager for visitors, it was always her and Logan, sometimes Dick. He knew she felt trapped in the suite, she always rushed to volunteer to go to the store, to run out for pizza- she hated the suite.  
  
“Hi, Keith!”  
  
“Hello, Parker. How's the little one?”  
  
“Oh God, it's moving around, I feel like I have an alien in there.”  
  
Keith laughed. “That's what happens!”  
  
Logan sat up in his seat, setting the popcorn bowl down on Parker's spot and peering over to the door. He smirked at Keith touching Parker's stomach gingerly. “Hey, Keith!”  
  
Keith glanced over Parker at Logan, giving him a warm smile. “Logan,” he allowed Parker to walk ahead of him and Logan didn't miss the concerned look he shot at Parker. “Having a night in?”  
  
“We're having a movie night,” Parker said with a wide, nervous grin, gesturing at the television. “Wanna join us? I can get you a beer or a water...”  
  
Logan's brow furrowed as he watched Parker continue to smile at Keith sweetly. Even Parker wanted to impress Keith, as if Keith were Logan's father. Parker Lee, always desperate to make friends. A part of him wanted to scoff at her but that part of him was fading away, nearly gone, to the part of him that just wanted to protect her like he did his mother, Lilly, Veronica. It was a confusing feeling.  
  
“I won't be staying long,” Keith said, giving Parker an apologetic shrug. “I have a dinner date with Harmony.”  
  
Parker nodded quickly, her lips pressing together. “Okay!” she glanced from Logan to Keith, her smile growing tightly. “I need to use the restroom,” she flushed, pointing at her stomach.  
  
“Baby,” Keith said with a comforting grin. “Got it,” he watched as Parker made her way to the master bedroom, waiting until he heard the bathroom door close to face Logan, the smile fading. “Parker is almost due, Logan.”  
  
Logan grinned, shaking his head as he paused the movie. Of course. “I know, Keith.”  
  
“You can still back out if you want...”  
  
He shook his head. “Negative.”  
  
“Once Parker puts your name on the birth certificate, that's it, Logan.”  
  
“I know,” Logan said softly. “I know. Did you talk to Connie about Parker's parents?”  
  
Keith's brow furrowed. “What about Parker's parents?”  
  
Logan shrugged. “As far as her parents are concerned, I am her ex-boyfriend that knocked her up. But I don't want them popping in a month trying to get custody and claiming we suck as parents. They treat Parker like shit, Keith.”  
  
Keith nodded, his gaze softening. “You've been a model citizen for nearly two years. Stay on this path and we won't have to worry,” he sighed. “I still think you're in over your head, but I'm proud of you, Logan. For everything.”  
  
Logan nodded slowly, relaxing. He decided to ignore Keith's last comment, the conversation was already awkward enough. “Could you...be more cool with Parker, too? She's really trying to impress you and it's making me uncomfortable.”  
  
Keith chuckled. “I'll try. She's a nice girl, I just barely know her...” he trailed off, giving Logan a look. “I spoke to Veronica yesterday.”  
  
“Yeah?” Logan slouched in his chair, picking up the bowl of popcorn. “What's she up to?”  
  
It had been a good couple of months since Keith had mentioned Veronica to Logan and he was actually liking not having the reminder out in the open, as if Veronica wasn't still lingering in Keith's apartment and in the shirt or book or earring Logan would find in the most random of places in the suite. Slowly, that ache too would fade away completely, like all the others.  
  
Keith shrugged. “The same...finishing up school, she's already got a possible job offer in the works. She's doing good.”  
  
“That's good. I'm happy for her.”  
  
“Okay, stop talking about me,” Parker sang, moving her way back in the room. “I'm back,” she grinned at Keith, shoving her dark hair behind her ear. “Are you sure you don't want a drink, Keith?”  
  
Keith glanced at Logan, smiling slightly at Logan's raised eyebrows. “You know what, Parker? I'll have one drink.”  
  
Logan smirked as Parker let out the tiniest of squeals, rushing to the tiny kitchen the best that she could. He gave Keith a smile before lifting up the remote, starting up the film again.  
  
 ** _Now_**  
  
“Yeah, so,” Logan licked his lips, a hint of a smile on his face as his fingers twisted with Veronica's. “This publisher guy is really selling this deal on me, promising huge book tours, a television show inspired by my book, interviews talking about my transformation from juvenile delinquent to...” he trailed off, his eyes lifting and locking on hers. “Me.”  
  
Veronica bit back a smile, glancing down at her plate of food. Logan had been in a weirdly affectionate mood all throughout their lunch, giving her these little smiles that made her light-headed and touching her fingers in a way that made her heart race. It was like freshman year all over again and it was kind of nice. Weird, but nice. She could forget the breach of trust and privacy, just for a little while, because it was nice.  
  
“You should do it,” she said softly.  
  
“I don't want it.”  
  
“Then why even entertain it?”  
  
“Boredom,” he said with a grin. “Pressure from higher-ups, the usual,” he shrugged. “So I don't have anything to do after work, wanna hit up a movie? There's this cool theater that plays old black and white films.”  
  
Veronica's eyebrows rose. “Wow, that sounds like a date.”  
  
“And?”  
  
It was her turn to shrug, twisting her fingers so they were resting over his palm. “I thought we weren't giving our _thing_ labels...”  
  
Logan smirked. “We've been sleeping together-”  
  
“We don't sleep over.”  
  
“We've been sleeping together,” he repeated, ignoring her comment. “We eat together and hold hands, like we are right now,” he squeezed her hand gently before bringing her hand up and kissing her fingers. “I kiss your hand, like I just did...I would call all of that a part of dating. And our lunch right now is counting as a date.”  
  
Veronica smiled uncomfortably, shaking her head. “What's with the sudden change of heart?”  
  
He frowned. “What- I can't be romantic?” he released Veronica's hand, picking up his glass of wine and taking a long sip. “We don't have to do the movie, forget I mentioned it.”  
  
She started to speak, becoming distracted as her phone began to ring. “Hold on. To be continued,” she plucked her cell phone from her bag, glancing at the caller ID before gesturing at her phone. “My dad,” she answered the call, shrugging at Logan. “Hi, dad.”  
  
“Hi, honey- are you at work?”  
  
“Nope, just eating lunch with Logan,” she smirked as Logan rolled his eyes, swiping a french fry from her plate. “What's up?”  
  
“Can you run by the office and make sure the door is locked? I had to meet a client and Ashley's at school so-”  
  
“On it,” Veronica said quickly, her mind already working. Her father had to have a file on Logan somewhere in that office. She had nearly slapped herself when it occurred to her- that file wouldn't be out in the open where anyone could get to it, he would keep it in the safe, away from prying eyes. If he hadn't changed the house locks in her absence, his hiding place for the latest combination shouldn't be that hard to find. She would just send Logan out of the room for a moment...  
  
Logan raised his eyebrows as Veronica hung up her cell phone. “What?”  
  
She grinned at him. “Wanna come with me to the office? Just a quickie?”  
  
“Not the quickie I want, but fine,” Logan threw down his napkin, jumping to his feet. “I'll pay the bill, meet me outside.”  
  
Veronica found her smile fading at the warm grin Logan gave her before he made his way to the front counter. The universe was really throwing everything at her lately to show what a fucked up person she was. She already had guilt from what she was doing and of course this was when Logan decided to be affectionate and romantic. She could safely say the universe was totally out to get her.  
  
Just over ten minutes later, Veronica found herself cursing karma again as Logan followed her into the office and trailed behind as she began to search for the combination for the safe.  
  
“I thought we were just locking the door?”  
  
Veronica sighed heavily, looking up from her place behind her father's desk. “Logan, just shut up and help me find it.”  
  
“You're snooping, aren't you?” Logan moved behind the desk with Veronica, looking through Keith's appointment book. “I'm taking a stand and saying I'm not a willing accomplice.”  
  
“Whatever, just help me.”  
  
“I'm expecting payment.”  
  
Veronica spun around, her eyes narrowing. “Payment? What kind of payment? I'm not giving you money.”  
  
His eyebrows rose. “You know what kind.”  
  
She sighed. “Fine,” Logan grinned, pleased, and she rolled her eyes. “You could just _ask_ for it...” she mumbled, looking under Keith’s desk before opening his drawer. “Found it!” she said with a grin, tapping the penciled intention on the corner on the drawer.  
  
Logan stepped around, leaning down and planting a quick kiss on Veronica's neck. “It's better when you just...do it. I shouldn't have to beg.”  
  
“I already said yes,” she muttered, stepping out of his grasp and moving to the safe. She quickly got the safe opened, looking around as Logan crouched down beside her.  
  
“Well I don't want it if you're not going to be enthusiastic about it.”  
  
“Oh, I'll give you enthusiasm- oh!” She grinned, grabbing the handle of a safety deposit box with two hands, starting to lift.  
  
Logan reached over, grabbing the box out of her hands and putting it on the desk. “What is it?”  
  
“Dad always puts his sensitive cases in a safety deposit box, just in case something happens to him, so I can go to the police with the info,” Veronica frowned slightly. “My teen years were really traumatizing.”  
  
“Clearly,” he stepped behind Veronica, leaving another kiss on her neck. “What are you looking for, anyway?”  
  
“Just something I remembered investigating in the FBI,” she said quickly. It was going to be simple. Find Logan's file and snatch it up before he could see. Done and done. “Recognized the name, just wanna double-check.”  
  
“I really dislike the FBI part of you,” he mumbled against her shoulder. “Makes me uncomfortable.”  
  
Veronica grinned up at Logan, momentarily tilting back against his chest as his fingers rubbed against her hip. Her eyes closed as his lips met hers and she swiftly pulled away before the embrace could intensify. She inhaled deeply, composing herself before smiling brightly. “Shall we?”  
  
Logan's eyes widened. “Here?”  
  
Her smile disappeared swiftly. “God, Logan, get your mind out of my underwear- the box!”  
  
He rolled his eyes, moving around Veronica. “Open it,” he said at her side, peering down at the box. “Hurry up and get what you need before we get shot.”  
  
Veronica gave a pleased smile at the box as she opened it and lifted the cover. “Easy as pie-”  
  
Veronica's scream cut off her victorious last words, the blue dye hitting her, and Logan, square in the face. Her hands flew from the box to her face, wiping at the dye. She glanced over at Logan, who continued to stand there, mouth open, face and shirt completely stained blue.  
  
Keith grinned wide at Veronica and Logan from his place on the couch as they exited his office, both looking like rejects from the latest Avatar movie. “Problem?”  
  
Veronica shook her head, smiling grimly as she stopped in front of her father. “I've destroyed people for less.”  
  
Keith laughed, taking out his phone and aiming it at the two. “Say 'gotcha!'”  
  
Veronica chewed on the inside of her cheek as her father took his victory picture. She glanced at Logan, who still looked slightly shell-shocked. “Funny. We can't go back to work like this.”  
  
“Well, then I guess you shouldn't sneak around when I asked you to lock the door,” he gave Logan a grin. “Welcome to the family. How does the blue dye of shame feel?”  
  
“It tastes like shock and burning disgrace,” Logan said dryly, resting his hand on Veronica's back before walking to the door. “I'm waiting in the car.”  
  
Keith sat silently, waiting for Logan to leave the office before facing Veronica. His eyebrows rose. “So you and Logan...”  
  
Veronica smiled tightly, yanking several sheets of hand tissues from Ashley's tissue box and attempting to wipe the dye off her face. “Are Logan and I what?”  
  
“Together? Again? I heard...” he trailed off, giving her a slightly embarrassed shrug.  
  
“Tawdry kissing noises? Then yes, we're kind of together,” she said shortly, her grin fading. Keep it simple. The embarrassing conversation didn't need to happen, there was no need to get into how her father probably heard her and Logan making out and talking about sexual enthusiasm in his own office. They didn't really need to get into anything, considering how secretive and closed off her father was with her anyway. “It's nothing serious right now.”  
  
He slowly nodded. “He has a daughter.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“You should really make sure both you and Logan are on the same page with whatever you're doing at the moment,” he paused, finally looking away from Veronica and she could see how uncomfortable he really was with the conversation. “It's only fair.”  
  
Veronica gave him a brief, grim smile. “Well, then maybe you should be having this conversation with Logan,” she said. “Since he's obviously the adult here. Why are you even here, I thought you had a client?”  
  
“It was cut short, they had to pick up their sick son at school,” he sighed. “I don't want you to think I'm against you...being with Logan. He's not the same person that he was ten years ago but you both have-”  
  
“He's waiting in the car,” she cut him off. “I should go.”  
  
“What were you looking for?” Keith asked, eying Veronica as she walked past him. “In the box?”  
  
She turned, crinkling her nose at him in a weak attempt at looking relaxed. God, she just wanted to get out of there. “Nothing much- just something on a name I remember, saw it again during my FBI days-”  
  
“Logan's file isn't in there.”  
  
She laughed. “I didn't-”  
  
Keith stood slowly, grinning at Veronica. “You, my dear child, are not as clever or sneaky as you think you are and I would never keep Logan's file with my public files. You will find nothing in his file to justify what you're doing, which I'm assuming is without his knowledge.”  
  
Veronica stood there for a moment, her jaw clenching. Just when she thought she was in the clear, there was her father, chipping away at her already delicate walls. “I'm sure you did the same to me while I was away.”  
  
“No. It wouldn't have been fair. Or respectful,” he was quiet for a moment, staring at her. “Veronica, we haven't really talked much since-”  
  
Without another word, Veronica turned, walking out of the office.  
  
The conversation left her shaken in more ways than one. Her father seeing right through her and not giving her the father-daughter gentleness she was used to, giving Logan more care, his statement about her not being as clever as she thought she was. She hated that he was more on Logan's side than he was hers. She hated being so upset about it.  
  
“Everything okay?”  
  
Veronica blinked as she turned, catching Logan leaning against his car and still very blue. She forced a smile on her face, walking back toward his car. “Deep in thought. You need a shower.”  
  
Logan grinned. “So do you,” he gestured at his face. “I've done paintball and kiddie parties- this is nothing.”  
  
“We can't go back to work like this.”  
  
“Already got it covered. I have food poisoning and Razia is writing you an excuse form for a family emergency as we speak,” he winked at her, opening the passenger door for her. “I know people.”  
  
Veronica climbed into Logan's car, giving him a faint smile before the door shut. Her fingers tapped her bag anxiously, silently thankful she managed to get the box back in Razia's apartment earlier in the week. The last thing she needed was that extra burden. She glanced up as Logan slammed his door shut, starting the car. “So, how's that shower sounding?”  
  
 _ **Five Years Ago**_  
  
Her hands couldn't stop shaking.  
  
Veronica nearly sat on them as she stayed frozen on the couch, watching as Piz hurried back and forth from their- no, _her_ \- bedroom. Black trash bags full of shit sat by the front door and she was tempted to set fire to his possessions, as if it would come close to doing the same amount of damage Piz had to their relationship. To _them._  
  
Her name was Amberly Griffin. A hostess at some restaurant. Piz said he was spending those nights doing some work at the station when he was in fact doing Amberly.  
  
It's funny, really. She thought she would've felt nothing, like she had for the past year. And yet...this enraged her. She had snooped and investigated and this floored her. She did the finding, she found the cheaters- she was never the one being cheated on. That's not how it went. Worst of all, he had the nerve to try to blame all of that mess on her.  
  
Like he just happened to fall into that woman's bed. She was so sick of people disappointing her.  
  
Her inhale was sharp and sudden. “Does she know who I am?” she said loudly, her voice shaking.  
  
Piz's glare as he walked past her infuriated her all over again. He was done fighting with her, only silence met her words now.  
  
God, she missed fighting.  
  
Veronica flinched as Piz's keys landed on the coffee table, skidding across and hitting her shoe which rested on the edge. He didn't look at her as he picked up his trash bags, opened the door and made his final exit.  
  
She sat in silence for what seemed like hours but was probably only seconds before she kicked out, her foot connecting with the box on the edge of the table, Piz's guitar picks that he had forgotten. Backup lifted his head from his spot by the refrigerator before going back to sleep.  
  
With a shake of her head, she picked up her phone, going to her contacts. Her finger floated over her father's number and she inhaled sharply, trying to gather the nerve. Then, with a sigh, she lowered the phone.  
  
There would be no moping, no crying in the shower. There would be no recounting the tale to her father before assuring him she was all right and going to bed, no listening to weepy music as she put away all the tokens of a relationship now gone. There would be no sadness because all that was left was anger and after that, nothingness.  
  
She picked up her laptop, opening up her web browser. She scanned her living room for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip as she thought about the past two years, as she tried to think of a time in those two years when she was truly happy. As she tried to think of any reason to stop herself from running back to Neptune, to her father.  
  
She missed her father so much. She missed Wallace so very much. She missed Mac. She missed...  
  
With tears welling in her eyes, Veronica found herself typing before she could stop herself. _Logan Echolls._  
  
Swiftly, she deleted the search before she could press enter. She couldn't. She just couldn't. She didn't want to know what she would find if she searched his name. It was best to just suck it all up and move on.  
  
Alone. She would deal with this alone like she did everything else.  
  
Veronica closed her laptop, setting it on the coffee table before climbing to her feet. With a sigh, she walked over to the front door, locking it. She couldn't even think, it was as if static had invaded her ears and made it impossible to hold a steady stream of thoughts. No matter. It didn't matter anymore.  
  
 _ **Now**_  
  
Veronica smiled slowly as Logan held a coffee mug in front of her, leaving a kiss on her shoulder. “Wow, we should play hooky more often, it gets me special treatment.”  
  
He walked around the couch, settling in the loveseat across from her. “Just a token of my appreciation for the excellent performance earlier,” he smirked as she rolled her eyes, focusing on her laptop again. “What are you doing?”  
  
“Working on a case.”  
  
Logan's eyebrows rose. “A case? Like a private eye case?” she nodded happily and he chuckled. “Nice. Who's the victim?”  
  
“Some poor schmuck, cheating on his wife,” her eyes narrowed as she focused on her computer screen. “He's not going to know what hit him.”  
  
“That's my girl.”  
  
He took the moment to enjoy the view of Veronica there, her hair still wet from their shower, wearing one of his shirts, curled up on his couch and working. A part of him was almost stunned by the image, something he had imagined at eighteen when they were stupid in love and he thought she was his future.  
  
And yet here she sat, his fantasy at eighteen, now solid. Older, wiser, curvier and better than he ever could have pictured. Nothing he thought up at eighteen could have matched what was in front of him and he liked it. Funny how life managed to work out like that.  
  
“This is nice,” he mumbled. “You and me.”  
  
She smiled at him, her head tilting slightly and he could feel his heart start to race. “It is.”  
  
“We should do something crazy. Like skinny dip or something. We should stop being adults for, like, an evening. It'll be fun.”  
  
Veronica smirked. “Tired of being responsible?”  
  
“God, yes,” Logan said, glancing at the ceiling. “Wanna go to the beach tonight? Just you and me? We can do that romantic thing you hate so much.”  
  
“I don't hate it! I just thought that wasn't what you wanted.”  
  
He gave her a playful grin. “Maybe I do. Maybe I'm feeling like a Nicholas Sparks movie.”  
  
She nodded, closing her laptop. “Okay, we'll go skinny dipping tonight. It'll be fun,” she shrugged. “It's no skinny dipping in Italy, but it'll do.”  
  
Logan froze, staring at Veronica. “What do you mean?” Her face began to fall and he felt his stomach begin to tighten. He laughed, confused. “How did you know I did that?”  
  
“I didn't.” Too quick.  
  
“That was super specific, Veronica.”  
  
Veronica blinked, shrugging, and he could see it on her face, see her trying to come up with a lie. “It seems like something you'd do.”  
  
“Bullshit. Are you snooping on me?”  
  
She inhaled deeply, sitting up. She blinked again, faster. She was panicking. “Just a little.”  
  
He laughed, setting down his mug on the coffee table as he stood. She started to stand with him and he shook his head, moving to the hallway.  
  
“Logan!” Veronica called, jogging to catch up with him as he stomped toward his bedroom. “Hold on. It wasn't anything major, I was just curious-”  
  
Logan let out a breath, spinning around to face her. “Are you fucking serious, Veronica? Nothing major? How in the hell did you even find that out? Why would you- when are you going to trust me, huh?”  
  
“Logan-”  
  
“What about you, huh? What did you do for me in the FBI?” he said, his voice shaking. “You think I forgot? How many people did you kill, huh?”  
  
“Don't,” she said sharply.  
  
“What, why not?” he laughed. “Isn't that what you do? Tell me, how many people did you take out-”  
  
“Don't,” she said through gritted teeth. “Don't.”  
  
Logan halted at the roughness of her voice, almost startled by it. “Last time I did coke was right after I left Neptune, seven years ago,” he said quickly, choosing to ignore their previous exchange. For now. “I haven't gotten into a fight or been arrested in years. Last time I did pot was six years ago, second-hand from Razia maybe three years ago. The only things I do now is smoke occasionally and drink,” he glared at her. “Is drinking and smoking a crime?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Boom, there are my secrets. That and the kid,” he snapped, turning back toward his bedroom. “Do that to me again, and we're through. For good.”  
  
Veronica inhaled sharply behind him. The goodness of the afternoon was ruined, all from her stupid mistake. It was all coming out, might as well go all the way. It would be a relief, really. “That's not all I did.”  
  
Logan froze, his head turning toward her slightly. “What else could you have possibly done.”  
  
She chewed on her lower lip, shaking her head. “I was in Razia's apartment....she had a box-”  
  
He spun around, a shocked laugh escaping him. “Okay. I- just- don't say anything. Give Razia back the box. I didn't hear this.”  
  
She blinked rapidly. “But-”  
  
“Veronica, if I acknowledge this, I'm going to fucking break up with you and it's going to stick this time for us both, so...” he trailed off, nodding before turning and walking to the bathroom.  
  
“Logan!” Veronica said firmly, following him into the bedroom. She grabbed his arm and was thankful when he didn't jerk away. “I am so, so sorry. As soon as I did it, I was sorry-”  
  
“Why are you even telling me this?”  
  
“Because I feel guilty!” she said, her voice shaking. “I kept going and I felt guilty- I don't know what's wrong with me.”  
  
He relaxed slightly in her grasp, his shoulders slouching. This was new. The old Veronica would never have been this open with him. She was trying, he had to give her that. “You...you just can't do things like this, not anymore. I won't-”  
  
“I know. I know. I just, I still have a lot of trust issues,” she nodded when he sighed. “It's...if you hadn't been so damn secretive-”  
  
His eyebrows rose, the tension overwhelmingly back. “So this is my fault?”  
  
Veronica's jaw clenched. “You hide things. You don't tell me-”  
  
“Veronica...”  
  
“No. No, this isn't right. It isn't fair,” she said, unable to stop the trembling of her voice. She didn't know if it was from anger or frustration, but it was pure. “Everyone's hiding things from me, telling me to read your column- I shouldn't have to do that, Logan! It's me, not some random person from high school. You can't act all romantic and affectionate with me and keep holding back things from me- I don't work like that, you know this.”  
  
“You never ask!”  
  
She laughed shortly. “Because you said you didn't want to know about my life. Because it gets me angry. You became this different person, as soon as I left-”  
  
Logan rolled his eyes. “It's not like I decided to personally stick it to you by becoming a better person after we broke up, are you even listening to yourself-”  
  
“No! No, Logan- you don't understand,” she could've screamed at the look of indifference he shot her, then. She could feel her anger bubbling to the surface, all the emotion she had been stifling for months. “Why couldn't you have done it for me?" she exclaimed, blinking back sudden tears as she released his arm. “You- you changed! You did it for Parker, for this kid, for Razia- why couldn't you do it for me?”  
  
His gaze softened and he took a step toward her, freezing when she moved away from him. “Veronica...”  
  
Veronica shook her head, her hands clenching into fists. “I needed someone stable! You didn't give me that but you give it all less than three years after I left to them.”  
  
Logan shrugged, not knowing what else to do. “I wasn't ready, then.”  
  
“All I wanted,” she said, her voice shaking. Every thing she felt since coming back to Neptune and seeing him in that restaurant, everything that had stayed with her when they dated years ago, all coming back. God, she wanted to run. “All I wanted was for you to be okay, Logan. I wanted us to be together and for you to do something with yourself because I loved you and I cared. You didn't change and I needed you. Look at me, I actually needed you! It's not fair!”  
  
“What do you want me to say, Veronica?” Logan said, his tone sharp. “I can't change it now. If I could go back, I would be different for you, for us.”  
  
He reached for Veronica, flinching when she jerked her arm away.  
  
“I spent years regretting what happened between us, going over and over in my head what I had done wrong and how I could have changed it,” he inhaled deeply. “But...” he met Veronica's gaze. “I don't regret how it happened, not anymore. We weren't good for each other then. It had to happen this way to make me who I am now.”  
  
“Aren't you enlightened?” Veronica said bitterly.  
  
“Just aware,” he snapped back. He didn't move, staring at her. “You can stay upset,” he said slowly, his voice even. “Rewinding the past and being angry...or you can move forward with me. It's a new beginning. It had to happen this way, Veronica. All of it.”  
  
She covered her face with her hands, sighing before pushing her hair off her face. “I fucked my entire life up,” she said softly. “And you saved yours.”  
  
He smiled slightly, brushing a strand of hair from her forehead. “Twilight zone, right?” He paused, running his thumb over her check. “I still fuck up, Mars. All the time. Stop being hard on yourself.”  
  
She shook her head as yet another nugget of wisdom left Logan's lips, her shoulders slouching. “Just...who are you? You're not Logan,” she muttered. “You're mature and...” she trailed off, sighing.  
  
His eyebrows rose and he couldn't stop the smile from playing on his lips. “Do you want me to be a fuck-up? Want me to go beat up some guy at a bar? 'Cause I can go do that.”  
  
Veronica smiled before she could stop herself and she quickly ducked her head. “No,” her eyes closed as he embraced her carefully. “I'm not used to us...not fighting.”  
  
“We were fighting,” he mumbled against her hair. “And we can fight. But I'm just over the torture and the pain,” he titled his head, gazing at Veronica. “I never want to stop fighting, though,” he grinned slowly. “No one fights like us.”  
  
She met his gaze, leaning in and she was relieved when he kissed her back. “I'm sorry,” she whispered against his mouth.  
  
“Me too. I'll answer anything you want to know. No more secrets. I promise,” he paused, pulling away from her and sitting on the edge of the bed. “What was in the box?”  
  
Veronica chewed on the inside of her lip, shrugging. “Letters. Mementos. Pictures. Video.”  
  
He nodded, his face blank. “Did you look at them? Watch them?” he swallowed slowly. “Read them?” She nodded and he closed his eyes briefly. “I loved her, Veronica. I really did.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“She can fire you for this, you know that?” he said softly. “She could fire you.”  
  
Veronica nodded again, sinking down beside him. “I'm well aware. I'm going to tell her. Get it out in the open.”  
  
Logan's eyebrows rose. “Yeah? That's big of you.”  
  
“I'm...I'm going to take your advice,” she continued slowly. “I'm going to let the past go. I'm going to move forward.”  
  
He smiled, leaving a kiss on her forehead. “Good. I think we just crossed into a new level of understanding or something. Keith would have a better word for it,” his eyes closed as Veronica leaned forward, pressing her lips against his. He returned the kiss, inhaling sharply when Veronica's phone began to ring in the other room. “Don't answer that,” he muttered against her lips. “Don't.”  
  
Veronica sighed, jumping to her feet. “Duty calls, I bet that's the client,” she said with a grin, rushing for the living room and leaving Logan alone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Neptune hasn't changed at all, it's just more hidden. Why did I believe you?”

**_Five Years Ago_**  
  
Parker was crying.  
  
Logan knew she would have turned her back on him if she wasn't so exhausted and with that IV needle sticking out of the back of her hand. The heart monitor beeped steadily beside her bed and the television propped up on the wall playing some sitcom helped cover the horrible tension and Parker's sniffling.  
  
She didn't bother to hide her tears from him, which seemed to alternate between angry and sad tears. Her eyes remained on the wall and he stayed by the door, his fingers fumbling along the frame. There wasn't much he could say to her to make any of this better.  
  
She wiped at her wet cheeks, sighing heavily. She looked so very tired, her dark hair nearly matted to her forehead with sweat. Her skin was pale and her eyes red and this wasn't how it was supposed to be.   
  
She was also seven pounds, four ounces lighter.  
  
A girl, the doctor said. Dark hair like her mother and a set of lungs to match. And Logan had stayed in the lobby like a coward, making Parker go it alone. He didn't even call Keith, resorting to texting him with the news that had startled him at two in the morning with a panicked Parker scared and in pain and yelling from the living room.  
  
By nine-twenty, Mia Lee Echolls had entered the world and he had missed it, opting to sit with Keith and Harmony in the waiting area. God, even the nurses were judging him when he finally showed up in the room. He didn't know what to say.  
  
“I don't want you here.”  
  
Parker was going to say enough for the both of them, he guessed.  
  
“What's the point of you being here?” Parker continued shakily, swallowing hard. “If...if I wanted to give birth alone, I would have stayed in Denver. You left me. You let them take me and I had to do it by myself.”  
  
Logan nodded, unable to even look at her. “Parker, I'm so-”  
  
“Don't,” she interrupted sharply, turning her head away from him and staring at the window. “At least take a picture of her and send it to my parents. Can you at least do that?”  
  
He nodded again before remembering she wasn't looking at him. “Yeah. The doctor said you can go home in-”  
  
“What's home?” she said with a bitter laugh. “The _Neptune Grand_?” she paused, her lips pressing together tightly as she attempted to hold in the new tears threatening to come. “This is such a joke.”  
  
Logan nodded quickly, taking a step back. “I'll...I'll be right back, Parker.”  
  
“We'll see.”  
  
The hard iciness in her voice made him flinch. It was just like when Veronica was really pissed off at him, when he could feel his insides begin to clench from the shame of it all. This was worse than when she dumped him in tears, this was so much worse. He wondered when he was going to stop disappointing people he cared about.  
  
Most of the people in the hospital ignored him, thankfully. Logan Echolls was no longer a hot topic since going over to the straight and narrow and he loved it. He- or his lawyer, rather- had already worked out the deal with _People_ magazine. A small story every couple of months and they would be left alone. On Logan's terms, not the press'. It felt good to have some sort of control.  
  
Keith greeted Logan as he approached with a huge grin, one Logan couldn't even replicate. “Finally ready to see her? How's Parker?”  
  
Logan swallowed hard, for a moment remembering how hard Parker had clutched his hand when he had set her in the wheelchair, how she had looked at him when the nurse started to wheel her away. How her gaze had hardened when it was all over and she barely looked at him from her bed. “She's fine. Tired.”  
  
“Get ready to be tired for the next couple of months,” Keith slapped Logan's arm with a laugh, gesturing to the window. “The doctor said she'll be moved to Parker's room in a few hours. Come look at her. Ten fingers and toes- I counted for you.”  
  
“Keith-”  
  
“Beautiful head of hair. I had no idea Parker wasn't really a blonde-”  
  
Keith was cheerful enough for the both of them, like he hadn't been waiting for hours and been up for just as long. Logan felt incredibly guilty, then, like he was ruining the party. Here Keith was, so happy for him and the new arrival and Logan couldn't even muster the enthusiasm.   
  
“Keith,” Logan interrupted again, nearly faltering when Keith stopped, starring at him. With a shake of his head, Logan voiced the worry that had plagued him unspoken for months. “What if I fuck this up? What if I'm just like Aaron-”  
  
“You are _nothing_ like Aaron, Logan. Nothing,” Keith said firmly. His gaze was hard but strangely almost gentle, and Logan found it hard to get used to. Concern. Genuine emotion that wasn't anger or suspicion or anything else that was ugly. “Come look at your daughter.”  
  
His daughter.  
  
This was truly it. The time he was so curious about and even dreading was finally here, he was finally going to look at this little thing that had sat in Parker's body for months, making her miserable. Now she was here to make them both miserable. How a little person could have so much power, he didn't understand.  
  
Logan blinked as Keith pointed Mia out, fast asleep and without a care in the world. She had no idea what kind of horrible world she had been born into. He stared at the little face sticking out of the onesie, a small smile coming on his face. She was actually really cute in a baby sort of way.  
  
He barely acknowledged Keith patting him on the shoulder before walking away and leaving him with this child. He watched as the infant inhaled deeply, her tiny chest rising and falling. He knew he wasn't ready to hold her but he didn't mind looking at her from afar. His eyes didn't stray from her as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He finally looked away, getting the camera ready and pointed at the child. Her hand clenched and he grinned slowly. “Hi,” he whispered.   
  
_**Now**_  
  
The silence was excruciating.   
  
Razia wasn't even looking at Veronica now, her brow furrowed as she focused her gaze on her neon green coffee mug. Her white sweater contrasted beautifully with her black hair and red lips, which had settled into the slightest of pouts as she sat there, silent. She picked up her pen, uncapping it before covering it once more and setting it on the desk.  
  
Veronica sat in front of Razia as she had for the last five minutes, her fingers curling nervously into the fabric of her pants as she waited for Razia to decide she wanted to speak. Announcing to her supervisor that she had stolen a personal item from her home was hard enough, the silence was on another level of painful all together. Razia had walked in just twenty minutes earlier with a bright smile on her face and now, that was gone.   
  
The guilt was definitely worse than anything. That surprised her, how guilty she felt. She wished she didn't care so much but it was something she couldn't help, it just grew and bubbled over as Razia finally lifted her gaze. Her eyes settled on Veronica, a heavy sigh escaping her.   
  
“You know,” Razia began shakily. “Logan never really liked to talk about his past, said he wanted to leave it be and move forward, so when he _did_ talk, it was nice. When he felt _particularly_ giving, he talked about some things like his mother, and he talked about _you_ ,” she paused, giving Veronica a brief once-over. “He told me years ago you had a lot of trust issues, that you would dig. I always shushed him, thinking he was just being petty about his ex...” she trailed off, looking at Veronica. “Did you find anything interesting in your travels?”  
  
Veronica found herself stunned and ashamed by the clear hurt in Razia's eyes, then. She shook her head, unable to say anything.   
  
“You could've asked me,” Razia continued quietly. “Logan likes his secrets but I'm not Logan, you didn't have to steal my things.”   
  
“I'm sorry.”  
  
“No questions? At all?” A bemused smile played on her lips, then. “Since you resorted to theft.”  
  
Veronica licked her lips slowly. The entire conversation was so awkward, she just wanted to run out of there. “Why are you still holding on to it all?”  
  
Razia's gaze softened and she shrugged, running her fingers through her hair absently. “I'm debating on using some of it for the book they're making me work on. There's also a lot of good memories there, happy ones. Memories I don't want to forget. That's it,” she turned to Veronica. “Do you like working here? With me?”  
  
Veronica nodded, even though it wasn't entirely true. She liked Razia, yes, but working at the magazine...she couldn't say she loved it. But one thing at a time. “I'm not normally a crazy person...” she trailed off, catching the blankness of Razia's expression. “I just don't like secrets.”  
  
“You should be fired for this.”  
  
Veronica nodded again, surprised at the tears forming in her eyes as she pulled at her ID badge clipped to her black sweater. It wasn't the loss of the job, it was the shame. Someone had trusted her blindly and she had betrayed that trust. She never thought she would, ever again, feel guilty for investigating but here it was, twice in one week.   
  
“I'm not going to do that, though.”  
  
Veronica frowned, looking at Razia. “What?”  
  
Razia shrugged, leaning back in her chair. “I like you, Veronica, I really do. I think you're a great person...and I'm willing to look past this,” she glanced at Veronica's chest briefly. “What are you doing- put your ID on before you get in trouble.”  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly, robotically clipping the badge back on her shirt. “What- why are you being so nice to me? Don't you know who I am?”  
  
Razia nodded. “I know exactly who you are...and Logan loved you very much so you can't be all that bad,” she sighed, smiling slightly. “And from the stories he told, I...kind of liked you. I thought we could be friends if we had ever met and here we are.”  
  
“Okay, stop,” Veronica let out a confused laugh. “Who the hell are you? _Really_! I'm Logan's ex-girlfriend. I just stole from you. You should be having me arrested, you should never have hired me,” she shook her head wildly. “On principle, you should hate my guts-”  
  
“What is hating you going to accomplish, Veronica?” Razia interrupted. “I can't and won't hate you. You're his ex, so am I, and we're all adults here. You, other than the stealing, are pretty fucking cool.”  
  
Veronica shook her head. “I don't...”  
  
Razia straightened up in her seat, her eyes lighting up. “Come on, Veronica! You were a teen detective! Who _does_ that? You solved murders and went spying,” she leaned forward, their previous discussion forgotten. “Logan tried to downplay it,” she said in a hushed tone, her eyes wide with excitement. “But that was the coolest fucking thing I've ever heard.”  
  
A small smile came on Veronica's face and she gave a nonchalant shake of her head. “It's not _that_ cool...”  
  
“It sure is, I'm kind of hyped you think I'm interesting enough to investigate,” Razia laughed slightly, giving an embarrassed shrug. “I mean, you totally shouldn't have done that and I'm upset but also...” she trailed off, cringing. “ _Kind of_ happy I don't have to avoid talking about this anymore?”  
  
“You could have just asked...”  
  
“And get Logan on me for discussing things he told me privately? Please,” Razia stared at Veronica, nearly fidgety with a mild fervor. “Do you miss it? I would love to photograph you.”  
  
Veronica laughed slightly, taken aback by Razia's sudden adoring attention. It was the last thing she expected but it was sort of nice, she had grown so used to no one really caring about what she had done or who she was over the years and here was this cool, calm and collected woman, renowned in her own right, nearly wide-eyed with awe over her. Veronica Mars. It was nice. “I...”  
  
“You had to miss it.”  
  
“I...” Veronica trailed off, debating for a moment whether she should lie or not. The truth ultimately prevailed, no more lies. “I missed it a lot. I-I started on a case recently and it's weird to get jump back in after not doing it for so long but it's kind of like riding a bike-” she paused, glancing at Razia, who stared at her expectantly. “I go on stakeouts-”  
  
Razia's eyes widened in excitement. “I would love to go on a stakeout with you! Just text me the next time you go, we'll get drinks after.”  
  
Veronica froze, a confused smile forming on her face as she sat, staring at Razia. Treating a stakeout like a girls' night out wasn't good. She didn't get it. This wasn't good. “That's not how it-”  
  
“Oh, why not? I won't be a bother, I just want to see how it goes- can I take pictures?”   
  
“Absolutely not.”  
  
* * * * *  
  
Logan chewed on the last of his sandwich, glancing back at the computer screen and catching Parker's dark hair as she did something off screen. “Still with me?”  
  
“Always!” Parker popped back on screen, giving him a bright smile. “Dropped a file. So we're coming this weekend, I expect you to have the house clear of any indecencies,” she paused, allowing Logan a roll of his eyes. “Mia's hair is so long, wait until you see it. She wants you to take her for ice cream.”  
  
“It's a date. I'll get her nice and sugared up.”  
  
“Oh, you better not-” Parker cut herself off, her eyes narrowing. “What's wrong with your face?”  
  
He grinned slowly. “That's just my face. You're rude.”  
  
She squinted, getting closer to the screen. “No, you look tired.” she frowned. “Upset? What's wrong?”  
  
“Nothing!” he shook his head, letting out a laugh. “Parker, I'm fine. I promise,” he licked his lips, inhaling deeply. Getting to the point was now more urgent than letting Parker get into mommy analysis mode. “Listen, I have to tell you something-”  
  
“Shit, my lunch was over five minutes ago- why didn't you tell me?”  
  
Logan glanced down at the clock, hesitating. Somehow, he didn't think telling her he had ignored the time on purpose would put him on her good list. “Slipped my mind.”  
  
Parker nodded, wiping at her mouth with her napkin. “I'll call you tonight. Thanks for eating lunch with me.”  
  
“My pleasure,” Logan cleared his throat, shifting in his chair. “Hey.”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
He shrugged, unable to keep his body completely still. “I miss ya. And the kid.”  
  
Parker slowly smiled, the affection pure on her face. “I miss you too. _We_ miss you. We'll be home soon.”  
  
“I wish you hadn't taken that job.”  
  
“Yeah, but I'm a pawn of my parents...gotta go,” she blew him a kiss before giving a short wave. “Talk to you tonight. Be good.”  
  
Logan held the smile until Parker signed off, only allowing himself to slouch in his chair with a sigh when the screen went black. A moment of weakness was allowed to pass by without much fuss, he was thankful Parker didn't dwell on it.   
  
He sat up as Razia's boyfriend passed by slowly, engrossed in his paperwork. The urge to fuck with the guy was overwhelming and he had proudly matured and changed and become a better person but sometimes, he had to feed the demon.  
  
“You're on the wrong floor,” Logan called out of his office door, giving Mark a grin.  
  
Mark froze at Logan's door, returning the smile almost politely. “Just passing through.”  
  
“Razia's not here,” Logan said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. It was too easy.  
  
His smile faded slightly before returning, colder than before. “I have a secret. A good one.”  
  
Logan's smile remained, in fact, it grew. This guy was such a tool. “What's that?”  
  
Mark shrugged. “You'll see,” he started to walk away and then paused, glancing back at Logan. “By the way, I had to take a message for Razia since her little assistant was off doing whatever. Some guy called, asking about _you_! Chris...something?”  
  
Logan froze, his grin fading. He wasn't able to recover his cool demeanor fast enough because Mark winked at him, the smirk in place before he walked off. Logan sat there in a dull shock for a moment, licking his lips as he felt the panic begin to rise in him and he started to reach for his cell.   
  
Veronica rushed into Logan's office, closing the door behind her. “I only have five minutes, Brenda wanted to do some evaluation and I told her I was going to the bathroom- your ex just invited herself on a stakeout with me.”  
  
Logan smiled slowly, his hand sliding off his phone. A nice enough day had just taken two sharp turns toward the swiftest drop in mood ever. “And how exactly did she do that...”  
  
“We were talking about my P.I. work, since, you know, the stealing, and she somehow took me talking about this case I'm working on as me inviting her on a stakeout. I can't tell her no.”  
  
“Yes, you can,” Logan said, sharper than he intended. One thing he had been careful about was keeping his new life far, far away from his old one. Razia was kept far away from places he used to frequent, people he used to hang around, everything was carefully compartmentalized. He liked it that way, and here was Veronica, his old life, crashing right into his new one. He was severely annoyed.  
  
“I-I already made arrangements for tonight-”  
  
“Tell her it's canceled,” he didn't bother to hide his irritation anymore. “Keep her the hell away from your _work_.”  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly at his sharp tone, her jaw clenching. “ _Don't_ talk to me like that.”  
  
They glared at each other for several tense moments until Logan finally broke the hold, nodding once. “Fine. I'm coming too.”  
  
She laughed, shaking her head. “No, you're not. This isn't a field trip.”  
  
“Now, it's a group project. What time am I meeting you at your place?” Logan smirked coldly at Veronica's glare, knowing full well she didn't like being put in a corner. She ruined his day, so he was about to ruin hers.   
  
“Ten,” she said stiffly.  
  
Logan nodded, leaning back in his chair. “It's a date.”  
  
 _ **Five Years Ago**_  
  
“So, you used to be a detective, huh?”  
  
Veronica fought the urge to roll her eyes or check her phone, picking up her rum and coke. This pub was buzzing with people and chatter and she really shouldn't have been as bored as she was. She was just so sick of polite chit-chat. “Yes. Years ago.”  
  
Alan, Alex, Adam, whatever his name was, grinned at her, leaning forward and grasping her free hand. She stiffened, her mouth pressing together tightly and he quickly released her. He was nice enough, if a bit boring. Straight out of college from Michigan, too friendly to be an intimidating agent, but then again, he was only twenty-two. He was also the only person to give her a pleasant smile since the internship started.  
  
“Sorry,” she tried, giving him what she hoped was a relaxed smile. “I'm just really tired. It's been a long day.”  
  
It _had_ been a long day, but mostly, she just wanted to get away from her roommate. Judith, a bartender at a nearby club who didn't believe in small talk. Veronica didn't mind, she appreciated Judith's bluntness and desire to keep to herself because she felt the same, but she also felt trapped- Judith worked weird hours, so did she, and she didn't want to accidentally wake her when she was trying to sleep. It was Judith's night off so she figured a drink with Alan Alex Adam would give Judith some time to herself.  
  
She was also lonely, but she wasn't about to admit that to anyone, especially herself.   
  
“-and so my mom said, 'Alex, you need to call more,' like, how old am I?”  
  
Alex. Oh, thank god he said his name.   
  
“My dad's the same way,” Veronica offered, straightening up in her seat. “I think it's implanted in them once we're born.”  
  
She froze as Alex reached over, gently brushing a strand of hair from her forehead. She let out a shaky breath, remembering the last time Piz had done that, before she started sleeping on the couch. She remembered the last time it had really mattered, when Logan had done it years ago as she had straddled him, trembling as they caught their breath.   
  
“Sorry, I didn't mean...” he trailed off, giving her an awkward smile. “I just really like you,” he glanced up at her expressionless face, shaking his head. “Listen, I have to head back, it's getting late.”  
  
Veronica blinked, watching as Alex stood, running a hand through his blonde hair before throwing down a generous twenty dollar tip on the table. In that moment, as the loneliness crept over her, she could feel her words flying out ahead of her rational thinking. “Can I come with?” she paused as Alex turned, staring at her. “My roommate...she needs the rest and it isn't _that_ late...there's still time for fun, right?”  
  
One time wouldn't hurt. It was normal, everyone did this.  
  
Alex grinned slowly and she could see him trying not to show how flustered he was. It was kind of cute, it reminded her of a fourteen year old Duncan when he saw her in a bikini for the first time. It was familiar. “Y-Yeah. Sure. If you want.”  
  
Veronica nodded, smiling as Alex offered her his hand as she stood. She picked up her purse, making sure her taser- just in case- was there before following him out of the bar.  
  
 _ **Now**_  
  
“It's going to be quick, I promise,” Veronica murmured as she and Logan walked up the stairs to the Mars Investigations office. Her father had closed down shop at eight so as long as they were in and out, there would be no problems.   
  
Logan was looking incredibly good in his jeans and dark green sweater, his hand on her lower back as they reached the top. If she didn't have a job to do, she might have just turned around and dragged him back to the car.   
  
She smirked as he leaned against the door, pulling the office keys out of his pocket. “Gonna play nice now?”  
  
“I'm always nice,” he replied, not returning the smile as she approached him. “Let's just go back to your place. Call Razia, cancel, and we'll watch some TV. Do other things.”  
  
Veronica smiled, leaning against Logan as she kissed him softly. She pulled the keys out of his hand as she broke their embrace, smirking as she turned toward the door. “I am nothing but set in my ways.”  
  
“Oh, I know.”  
  
Her jaw set and she ignored his comment, pushing the door open. She didn't bother to turn on the light, walking straight for her father's office. Logan was right behind her as she moved behind his desk, opening drawers.  
  
Logan strolled around to the other side of the desk, glancing at the top of Veronica's head briefly before looking through the papers on Keith's desk. “How long have you been depressed?” he mumbled, sorting through the office mail.  
  
Veronica frowned, glancing up at Logan for a moment before grasping her father's gun, tucking it into her coat pocket. She didn't plan on using it but it was good to have protection. “What?”   
  
“You heard me.”  
  
She chuckled, closing the drawer and straightening up. “You're in a _mood_ , aren't you?”  
  
“The only time you show any kind of passion is when we're fucking. Or when you're talking about detective work,” he eyed her. “Do you know you have nightmares?”  
  
Veronica snorted, grabbing Logan's arm as she passed and pulling him to the door. “You are so weird.”  
  
“Veronica.”  
  
“Come on, we have to go.”  
  
Veronica drove to Razia's apartment, thankful Logan hadn't tried to continue the conversation in the car. She hated when he got into one of his moods where all he wanted to do was talk, especially when he had a reason for doing so much talking. She didn't want to talk, didn't want to discuss the nightmares, so she would gladly take his silence.   
  
She sighed as she pulled up in front of the building, taking out her cell phone and texting Razia. “Everyone is staying in the car,” she muttered. “I'm going to take some pictures, Razia gets her kicks, we bring her back and then go to my place,” she lowered her phone, glancing at Logan. “What do you say, pal?”  
  
Logan didn't respond, reaching over and gently pushing Veronica's hair behind her ear.   
  
Veronica's eyes fluttered shut for just a moment and she quickly moved her head away, smiling down at her lap. “ _Don't_ ,” she said softly. A knock at Logan's window got her attention and she looked up, grinning at the sight of Razia there as she lowered the window. “Hey.”  
  
Razia gestured down at her black pants and black shirt before looking at Veronica and beaming proudly. “Am I ready for a stakeout?”  
  
Veronica forced a smile, glancing at Logan, who looked less than happy with the current situation. “Totally.”  
  
Razia opened the passenger side door, swiping at Logan's shoulder. “Sit in the back.”  
  
Veronica bit back a grin when Logan glanced at her, adjusting her mirror. “Go sit in the back.”  
  
Logan's mouth turned down in displeasure before he climbed over the center console to the back. He watched as Razia climbed in and patted Veronica's knee, his eyes narrowing. His ex and whatever Veronica was being BFFs. No, not Veronica, he knew Veronica well enough to know better.   
  
Veronica was keeping Razia close to watch her, it was what she did. He knew that much hadn't changed in seven years. Out of everything, he know Veronica's trust levels were impossibly low, she didn't trust anyone, probably not even him.   
  
He closed his eyes briefly as Razia chatted idly with Veronica, talking about some mild drama at work and he tried to will her to be quiet. She was nervous. This was new for her and she was excited but nervous. His gaze shifted to the back of Veronica's head and she wasn't even nodding at Razia's story, making a sharp turn into a gas station. He tilted his head, trying to get a look at Veronica's face. “Problem?”  
  
“I need gas,” Veronica said shortly, stopping the car and climbing out.   
  
Logan frowned slightly as Veronica slammed the door shut, leaving the two of them in the car, just because Logan's day hadn't been quite awkward enough. Razia was sudden uncharacteristically silent, sitting sideways in her seat as she gave him looks which he was sure she thought were discreet.   
  
“So...this is what you did in high school,” she intoned, giving Logan a more obvious sidelong glance.  
  
“Not all the time.”  
  
“But some of the time?”  
  
He shrugged, not wanting to get into this conversation at the moment, not while Veronica was just outside, almost done filling the tank. “When Veronica allowed me to go,” he frowned, finally looking at her. “Why are you here?”  
  
It was Razia's turn to shrug. “Just wanted to see what you were into before me.”  
  
He laughed dryly. And so it became clear. “Detective work wasn't really my thing, it was Veronica's...”  
  
“I know,” Razia tilted her face towards Logan's, fluttering her eyelashes at him as a smirk played on her lips. “Wanna have a threesome?”  
  
Logan shook his head, his bad mood rising to almost dangerous levels. “That's not funny.”  
  
A pout played on her lips. “It's not funny because you thought I was _serious_ , or...”  
  
“Stop fucking with me, and I'm not that stupid. What's your problem tonight?”  
  
Razia's eyes widened slightly and she turned her back on him, pulling on her seat belt. “What's _your_ problem? I was just joking. We always joke like this, chill out.”  
  
“I'm chill,” Logan muttered, glancing out the window. He jumped as Veronica got back into the car, getting slightly angry at himself for being so jumpy. “Ready?”  
  
Veronica's brow furrowed slightly at Logan's sharp tone, glancing at Razia briefly. “Yes, Moody, we're ready to go.”  
  
The Camelot was unusually empty for that time of night and Logan had to sigh in relief. This might all be over sooner than he had thought. There weren't even any cars really passing through. This might all work out in his favor after all.   
  
Logan's eyes narrowed as he watched Veronica eagerly show Razia the best way to photograph someone obscured by a curtain. God, that made him so uneasy, watching Veronica tell Razia her tricks and Razia so eagerly eating it up.   
  
Veronica lifted her head as a car drove past, pulling into a parking spot. “That's our guy,” she said in a hushed tone, taking the camera out of Razia's hands. She froze as another car drove past hers, pulling into a spot several feet away from the other car. “That's new.”  
  
Logan leaned forward. “What's new?”  
  
She watched as Peter Levinson got out of his car, his mistress following from the passenger seat and they both walked to the hotel room across from his vehicle. After a moment, the doors of the other car opened and several men got out, walking toward the now open hotel room door.   
  
Veronica's brow furrowed and she started to unbuckle her seat belt. “Stay here,” she said quietly, opening her door.  
  
Logan laughed, swiftly undoing his seat belt. “Like hell,” he glanced at Razia, who was now looking confused and more than just a bit worried. “Stay here,” he said, watching as Veronica shut the door, walking toward the hotel. She had lost her fucking mind. “Listen, get behind the wheel. If Veronica and I aren't back in ten minutes, you floor it out of here.”  
  
Razia's head jerked in Logan's direction and there was panic in her eyes now. “Logan- what-”  
  
“Don't worry,” he said softly, giving her what he hoped was a comforting smile. “It's a stakeout, remember?” She nodded quickly and he gave her a wink before climbing out of the car and jogging after Veronica.   
  
Veronica inhaled sharply as Logan grabbed her arm, pulling her to a stop in the parking lot. “Let go,” she hissed, jerking her arm away.   
  
He tried to take her arm again, growing frustrated when she pulled herself away once more. The look in her eyes was determined but she had a nervous, almost excited energy about her, it wasn't exactly instilling confidence in him over the mission. “What the hell are you doing?”  
  
“There has never been other people before,” she said quietly, glancing at the door. “Never. This guy's probably in danger.”  
  
Logan chuckled. “Then we call the cops and _leave_.”  
  
“ _Or_ , I can take care of this myself, give them a good scare,” she gave him a quick lift of her eyebrows and she looked so pleased with herself then.   
  
“What-” he grabbed her arm as she started to move. “Are you fucking crazy?”  
  
Veronica grinned, pulling her arm away once more. “Come on, Logan, this is old hat. No big deal, right?”  
  
Logan muttered a curse as she walked, shaking his head before following her. She kept her hand in her pocket, moving swiftly and gracefully. He could see the FBI training in her, in her posture, the firm clench of her jaw as she walked.   
  
She walked up to the slightly ajar door, her hand flying out and stopping Logan as she leaned in close, listening. She could hear the woman talking, then a man. There was no tawdriness happening, they were talking about a drug deal. She frowned, trying to get closer. This wasn't what she was expecting.  
  
She inhaled sharply as one of the men near the door turned his head suddenly, freezing at the sight of her shadow. Shit.  
  
“What the fuck-”  
  
Veronica stiffened as the door was flung open and one of the men grabbed at her and she could hear Logan shouting behind her. Something clicked off in her, she could almost feel herself stepping out of her body and watching from the sidelines. She just moved, no thinking. She swiftly reached into her pocket, pulling out the gun and aiming it at the guy grasping her arm.   
  
She could remember the last time it happened like this, the sound dropping and it feeling like there was nothing but white noise. Like everything was moving slow. And she remembered the time before that, when Mercer tried to kill her. And before that, on the roof. Surely, she shouldn't have had so many events to relate this to.  
  
“Hold on! Hold on!” Logan yelled as he ran into the room, lifting his hands in the air as one of the other men pulled out his own gun, pointing it at Veronica. “Wait!”  
  
“Put the gun down!” the man barked, his gun aimed at Veronica's head.   
  
“V,” Logan inhaled sharply as Veronica flinched, the gun jerking slightly in his direction, even as her eyes remained on her potential attackers. “Hey,” he said softly, his gaze moving from Veronica to the gunman and back again. “Give me the gun.”  
  
Veronica was frozen, her eyes on the man, then Peter and his mistress behind him, both looking stunned and just more than a bit scared. She could hear Logan behind her, it felt like he was underwater, speaking those fucking words she had tried so hard to forget from years ago.  
  
“Give me the gun, Veronica.”  
  
Logan let out a breath of relief when Veronica suddenly seemed to snap out of it, passing the gun to him almost zombie-like and he quickly put the gun in his pocket before holding up his hands again. “We're cool, no one's going to do anything,” he felt another round of relief course through him as the man slowly put his gun down.  
  
Peter glanced from Veronica to Logan. “What the hell are you people doing?”  
  
Logan forced a grin on his face, shaking his head. “Wrong room,” he grabbed Veronica's wrist, jerking her toward the door. “My girl's owed some money but this isn't the room. Keep doing what you're doing, this is none of our business. We were never here.”  
  
Peter nodded slowly, watching as Logan backed for the door. “You're damn right you were never here.”  
  
Logan nodded, tightening his hold on Veronica's wrist as he stepped out of the door, pulling her with him. The door slammed shut in his face and he immediately turned to Veronica, giving her a hard look. She started to breathe hard through her nose, presumably trying to contain herself and he shook his head in confusion, gently pushing her toward the car.  
  
He reached the car before Veronica did, throwing the backseat door open. Razia turned as Veronica nearly flung herself in the backseat, concern on her face. She watched as Veronica straightened up in her seat, inhaling shakily before burying her face in her hands. Veronica's hands trembled as she breathed deeply, her shoulders slouching and Logan slammed the door shut. He walked over to the front passenger side, climbing into the car and Razia's gaze shifted to him.   
  
“What happened?” Razia demanded.   
  
“Nothing. Drive.”  
  
“What do you mean nothing? Veronica's-”  
  
“Razia,” Logan said sharply, shooting her a hard look as his jaw clenched. “Drive.”  
  
Logan was scared. For the first time in years, he was genuinely scared, he was still trembling as Razia parked in front of her apartment, even as he assured her everything was fine. She kept looking at Veronica, still silent in the back and he kept repeating everything was fine. She had believed him- at least he hoped she had- and watched as she glanced at Veronica, starting to speak before thinking better of it. She wished them good night when Logan stopped reassuring her and quickly made her exit.   
  
That would probably be Razia's first and last stakeout and he was grateful for that. Nothing like scaring the intrigue out of someone.   
  
He moved into the driver's side seat, glancing at Veronica through the rear view mirror. She sat silent, her entire body stiff and he exhaled sharply. “Veronica...”  
  
“I lost my touch.”  
  
Logan blinked at the sound of her hoarse voice. “I-”  
  
“Neptune hasn't changed at all,” she interrupted, her voice so incredibly sad. “It's just more hidden. Why did I believe you?”  
  
He didn't respond, backing the car up before heading for Veronica's place.   
  
Veronica was silent the rest of the way, silent as they reached her apartment, silent as they made their way inside. She locked the door, clicking all the locks into place silently and only pausing when she felt Logan just behind her. She turned, clutching at the bottom of his shirt and pulling him to her, her hand wrapping around the back of his neck and pulling him down.  
  
Their lips met roughly for a couple of moments until Logan pulled away with a gasp, his hands on her shoulders. “We don't have to do it like this,” he said breathlessly.  
  
She ignored his hands pushing at her shoulders, starting to undo his pants. “We always do it like this.”  
  
“I don't want to.”  
  
Veronica froze, looking up at him. “You don't want to?”  
  
Logan shook his head, gently grasping her wrists. “I want to talk about what the hell happened back there.”  
  
She rolled her eyes, pulling her hands from his hold and moving away from him. She ripped off her jacket, throwing it on the counter. “Nothing happened.”  
  
“Then what the hell was that?” he followed her, removing his own coat and placing it carefully on the counter, the coat feeling so heavy with the gun in the pocket. “You pulled a gun on those guys! You almost pulled a gun on me-”  
  
“Stop.”  
  
“Veronica, I have a fucking kid. You can't just do crap like that- what's wrong with you? Why would you-”  
  
“I don't want to talk about it!” she yelled abruptly, spinning around to face him with anger in her eyes.  
  
He froze, stunned at her sudden display of rage. He lifted his hands between them slowly. “You need to relax.”  
  
“You want to talk?” Veronica snapped, ignoring his last comment. “Let's talk about you, that bullshit job-”  
  
Logan's eyebrows rose. “Okay, we'll talk about me but when we're done, we're jumping right back to you. My job isn't bullshit, I like it.”  
  
“You fucking _liar_ ,” she laughed bitterly. “How long are you going to lie yourself?”  
  
“Fine. I don't like it,” he said icily. “I'm there because Keith got me the job. I am suffocating and I hate it. You're absolutely right. Are you happy now?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Yeah, I fucking bet,” Logan stalked around Veronica, his jaw clenching when she turned, following his path. “What the hell happened tonight?”   
  
Veronica shook her head, starting to walk away. He grabbed at her arm and she jerked away, inhaling sharply when he stiffened, almost as if he were scared of her. It was almost humorous. “I'm going to bed.”  
  
“No, you're not.”  
  
“Yes, I am.”  
  
Logan watched as Veronica moved to her bed and started to remove her shoes. “I'm sleeping over, then.”  
  
She paused for a moment, registering his announcement before continuing to remove her shoes and socks. “You never sleep over.”  
  
“I am now.”  
  
She had nearly scowled at him but didn't fight back any further, turning her back on him as she pulled her shirt over her head.  
  
Several hours later, Veronica found herself lying in bed, still staring at the ceiling as Logan slept beside her. He wasn't touching her, and she didn't know whether to be put off or relieved. Maybe he was afraid to touch her. Maybe he was unsure of what she would do if he tried.  
  
Turning to her side, she picked up her cell phone off the side table, checking the time.   
  
3:07am.  
  
She turned her head, glancing at Logan's still form in the dark. She didn't want to think. She didn't want to talk about her feelings or whatever stupid crap Logan wanted to talk about. Life was more complicated when she had to really think about how fucked up everything was. How fucked up she was.   
  
With a sigh, she turned to Logan, running her hand over his bare stomach. He didn't stir and she slid over to his side, kissing his shoulder softly. “Wake up,” she murmured against his skin.  
  
Logan finally roused, his eyes opening slowly as Veronica's hand slipped under his underwear. “What-” he blinked slowly, trying to focus. Confusion was etched on his brow and he grasped her wrist loosely. “What are you doing?”  
  
“I want you,” she breathed as she started to stroke his cock. He stared at her questioningly and she shook her head, leaving a quick kiss on his lips. “I'm tired of fighting.”  
  
He was silent for a moment and she just knew he was thinking about what she had just said, he was always fucking thinking about what she had to say. She didn't want to tell him how tired she was of fighting every damn thing. Her past, her present, him, Neptune. She just wanted to forget for a while. She didn't want to talk.  
  
“Are you okay?” he murmured against her mouth, pushing her hair behind her ear.  
  
“Don't ask me that.”  
  
“Why-” he cut himself off as she slid on top of him, leaving a wet kiss on his throat. He started to stop her, faltering as she ran the nails of her free hand down his chest. “Hold on,” he whispered, his hand running down her naked waist, his fingers digging into her hip. “I”m not-”  
  
“I'll wake you up,” she interrupted swiftly. It should have been a humorous comment, but she couldn't muster the lightness to her voice and she hated herself for it.   
  
Logan's mouth fell on Veronica's neck, shuddering when she let out the slightest of cries. He applied pressure, baring his teeth against her skin and she gripped at his hair, pulling. “Be nice,” he whispered against her neck before turning her over on her back.  
  
“I'm always nice,” Veronica said faintly, her feet sliding on the mattress as she bent her knees, Logan slipping down her body. She swallowed as he pulled down her underwear, her mouth opening as his tongue found her, found that spot, her fingers tangling in his hair.   
  
Her back arched as he worked,his hand sliding up her stomach and down. He gave her two fingers, then another, slowly and tortuously working her up. She tried to push his head down but he wouldn't let her, taking his time. Soon her thighs were spread, her hips grinding, trying to find that friction with his tongue, his mouth, his fingers as his free hand squeezed at her breast.  
  
When she was wet enough, he started biting her inner thighs, taking his sweet time with release and Veronica could have screamed in frustration. She shoved at his shoulders, sitting up as he leaned back, wiping at his mouth. With a faint groan, she slid on his lap, balancing herself on her knees as she pushed down his underwear. His hands grazed at her breasts, his thumbs running over her nipples, teasing them even as he panted beneath her, as she rubbed against him, gasps falling from her lips.  
  
She kissed him hard, moaning as his tongue slipped in her mouth and she was able to taste herself there. She inhaled sharply as she slid him inside her, her teeth gritting as he groaned, his hands clutching at her hips. They stared at each other for a long moment, the hold only breaking when Veronica jerked her hips and Logan's eyes shut over the sensation.   
  
Veronica moved her hips hard, listening to Logan groan beneath her. Even as pleasure ran through her, even as Logan clutched at her as their hips moved in unison, it felt oddly detached. It wasn't like the other times, there was nothing in it, there was nothing at all and she could feel the rage bubbling in her. She grit her teeth, refusing to let it happen, wouldn't let it happen. There wasn't supposed to be emotion now, it was just sex. She didn't have to feel anything for once.  
  
“ _Fuck_ ,” he hissed, kissing Veronica roughly. She whimpered and he kissed her harder, wanting that emotion from her, needing that emotion. She clutched at him and his hand pressed against her lower back, holding her against his chest.   
  
She returned the kiss, moving her hips harder. “Tell me you love me,” she whispered against his mouth, a faint moan escaping her.  
  
She felt his mouth open against her jaw as he hesitated and then he exhaled shakily. “I...”  
  
Veronica pressed herself against Logan's body, her hand coaxing his face to hers, his mouth falling on hers in a brief kiss. “ _Tell_ me you love me,” she repeated as her hips moved steadily, harder, faster.  
  
He was swallowing hard as he met her thrusts, his grip moving to her ass. “Veronica...” he panted as she moaned.  
  
She stifled another moan, her nails digging into the skin of his shoulders as he started to fuck her harder, his ragged breaths hot on her neck. “Lie to me.”  
  
“Not like this,” he said shakily. He lifted his head, his nose brushing against her cheek as he left quick kisses on her jaw. She threw her head back and he groaned, clutching her tighter. “Look at me.”  
  
Veronica's eyes shut as she moved faster, her nails digging into his skin and he grunted his demand again, harsher this time and she ignored it, her hips slamming against his roughly.   
  
“Look at me, Veronica,” His hand grasped her throat roughly and she nearly came right then, a sharp cry escaping her as he squeezed for just a moment before jerking her to him, kissing her hard. Her hand flew out as he tilted forward, her back hitting the mattress and her legs wrapped around his ass as he kept moving, harder now. “Look at me.”  
  
She grasped at him desperately as they fucked harder, her forehead pressed against his, unable to tear her gaze from his now that she gave in to his demand. In that moment, she wanted to tell him everything and she wanted to shove him away and tell him to get the fuck out. Instead, she clutched at his back and the back of his neck, pushing her mouth onto his and moaning in his mouth when she came.  
  
Veronica stared at the wall blankly long after they were done, Logan's steady breathing beneath her almost soothing as he slept. That hadn't changed, Logan could sleep anywhere. He was a light sleeper, he would surely wake up if she removed herself from his chest, so she stayed put, finally allowing her mind to work and race toward that ugly place.  
  
“Six,” she whispered to no one in particular, certainly not Logan. “I killed six people.”  
  
* * * * *  
  
Veronica sat on the edge of the bed, fingering her cell phone as Logan dressed in front of her. Six in the morning and Logan looked like shit and she was sure she did too. He had said something about putting her father's gun back before going home to change. Before her father got into the office. Protecting her yet again.   
  
She removed her gaze from Logan for a moment, glancing down at her phone screen. To the e-mail she had written to Wallace which she had been trying to send for the last couple of minutes. Finally, she erased the entire message, leaving just the opening.  
  
 _Hi._  
  
Before she could really think about it, she hit send and set her phone down as Logan approached. She inhaled deeply, trying not to flinch as he gently touched her chin, lifting her head up so he could look at her. “Hi.”  
  
Logan ran his hand over Veronica's hair, leaving a brief kiss on the top of her head. “You didn't sleep?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“You should,” he said softly, turning and walking to her kitchen. He opened the refrigerator, pulling out one of her smoothie bottles and opening it. “I have to change, then go to the airport. You should come by later, meet my kid.”  
  
“Maybe.”  
  
Logan nodded, taking a sip of his drink. They weren't going to talk about what had happened last night beyond what they already had. He had to accept it and move on. This was Veronica, for better or for worse. He didn't know how long he could ignore the dullness in her eyes, though.   
  
“During the prom, you were drunk and you said something about us being epic.”  
  
He froze, his brow furrowing at Veronica's sudden statement. He lowered the bottle, glancing at Veronica as she stood, tugging on the bottom of her shirt. Actually, it was his shirt, a shirt he had left one night. His shirt that hung off her and made her look smaller than she already was. “What?”  
  
“Epic. You said you and I were epic,” she continued with a faint sense of longing that nearly broke his heart and made him want to remember. “That we would go through all this crap- ruined lives and bloodshed. Because we were epic.”  
  
Logan shook his head, the frustration in him growing. “What are you talking about, Veronica?”  
  
“I've only killed six people in my four years as an agent in the FBI,” she said, her voice dulling to a flat tone. “Six people.”  
  
He paused, his body clearly tensing up. “In self defense?”  
  
“I picked them off.”  
  
Logan felt a chill run down his spine at the rather flippant way those four words came out of Veronica's mouth, the lighting of the apartment making her look almost ghoulish. “Up front?” he asked shakily  
  
She smiled grimly. “And personal.”  
  
“Know them?”  
  
She slowly nodded.  
  
“Do I know them?”  
  
“One of them.”  
  
Logan was silent, waiting for her to continue. She didn't, gazing at him solemnly, and he let out a nervous chuckle. “Well, are you going to tell me, or you're just going to let me shit myself a little bit more?”  
  
Veronica's gaze didn't waver, but she crossed her arms over her chest, sighing deeply. “I came back to Neptune once. On a case.”  
  
He frowned slightly, trying to recall if Keith ever told him. No, he would have remembered that. “You didn't tell anyone? Your dad?”  
  
She shook her head. “It was a drug bust. A raid. I wasn't allowed to.”  
  
“And?”  
  
 _ **Three Years Ago**  
  
Agent Foley had told her to wait, but she was never good with direction..  
  
It was the case she was waiting for. Gorya and his connected ilk, working with a Brazilian drug pin. Said drug pin was captured and awaiting trial, thanks to Foley and his quick thinking. Now, they had to take down the rest of the scum.  
  
Veronica insisted on coming along. Private research had showed Gorya and his crew were keeping tabs on Logan. A snitch had shown her pictures he had taken, black and white pictures of Logan at the beach with Dick one Sunday morning. They were going to wait until Logan had stopped looking over his shoulder, had started getting comfortable, and they were going to kill him, the snitch had said, and Gorya wanted to be the one that pulled the trigger. Gorya held grudges, but unluckily for him, so did she.  
  
Foley told her to wait, but she needed to see this for herself.  
  
The apartment was fairly nice, better than anything at the Sunset Cliffs. Everything white. Nice and clean, too good for the dirt that lived there. It made her sick.   
  
She moved swiftly through the living room, glancing around and walking over to a desk against the wall. Black oak and completely out of place in the apartment.  
  
Veronica opened the drawer with the pen, peering inside. She pushed aside envelopes and papers, and there it was. A brick of heroin, and underneath it, what looked like a client list. That was enough for her. She reached for her cell phone to call Foley, he would be pissed, but she thought the evidence would overshadow her disobedience.  
  
“Who the fuck are you?”  
  
Veronica spun around, gasping as a fist connected with her face. She flew into the desk, groaning painfully but reaching up, stopping the man's arm from swinging into her stomach. She clutched his wrist, bringing her other arm into his elbow and the crack of his elbow was loud and startling.  
  
He yelled in pain and she delivered another blow to his knee, feeling him give and she immediately jumped out of the way, dodging the next blow from another man, her arm hitting his wrist and knocking the gun out of his hand. She shoved him into his partner before diving for the gun, gasping as one of the men grabbed her. She let out a cry as he grasped her by the hair, yanking her up before delivering a blow to her stomach and knocking the wind out of her.  
  
“Well, well, well.”  
  
Veronica's jaw clenched at the sound of that familiar voice as she struggled, scowling as Gorya walked to her, but not before picking up the gun.   
  
“Veronica Mars. Couldn't mind your own business, huh? Or did you come to watch the show?”  
  
She didn't respond, waiting for it. An opening. Gorya may have had connections but he himself was a fucking idiot.   
  
And then, it happened. Gorya glanced at one of his men and she grabbed his wrist, twisting and getting him to release the gun. She managed to grasp it and swing around, slamming the handle into Gorya's lackey's forehead hard enough for him to release her and she dropped to the ground, the gun falling from her grasp.   
  
Veronica scrambled for the gun, panting heavily as she heard the footsteps behind her. She felt the coolness of the gun on her fingertips and she snatched it up, throwing herself on her back and aiming the gun, one finger on the trigger, her left hand gripping her wrist and holding her arm steady.  
  
The man didn't move, and she fired.  
  
She blinked as the blood spattered like rain behind his head, and he dropped to his knees before slumping over. There was another shout, and she got herself to a seated position, her feet planted on the floor as she fired again, then turned, and fired again.  
  
Three down.  
  
There was a loud crack, and she ducked, gathering herself to her knees and nearly throwing herself behind the couch. Another shot nearly took off her ear and she inhaled sharply, lifting herself up and she aimed, firing directly at the other guy's chest.  
  
The room was silent, except for the heavy breathing of Gorya on the floor, clutching his broken arm.  
  
Veronica slowly climbed to her feet and moved towards him, wiping the blood that had splattered on her hand over her shirt. “Gorya,” she said quietly.  
  
“You're dead,” he said through gritted teeth. “You're so fucking dead- you killed my dad...I'm going to kill everyone you love- your boyfriend, your father-”  
  
She lifted the gun, aiming at his forehead. He continued to talk, hushed threats and an angry glare, so she put a bullet into his brain. No thinking, no hesitation.  
  
As soon as Gorya's head dropped to the floor, Veronica's knees gave out, and she exhaled sharply, falling to her knees. She let out a soft cry as the pain in her torso finally slammed into her, and she was certain her ribs were broken.  
  
“Mars!”  
  
Veronica glanced up at the door, Agent Foley rushing inside, his firearm drawn. “Foley...” she muttered.  
  
“I told you to wait for back up!” The anger faded from Foley's eyes when he saw the scene around the room. “Oh, my God.”  
  
She winced, painfully pulling out her leg out from underneath her. “They...they attacked me. I had no other choice,” she intoned. “There's heroin in the drawer, I'm sure there's more in the safe under the table. I think my ribs are broken.”  
  
He nodded, pulling out his cell phone. “Don’t move. I'll call for a medic,” he said quietly, walking over to her. He rested a hand on her shoulder, waiting for his superior to pick up. “You did good, Mars.”  
  
Veronica nodded, her shoulders slouching. The pain began to dull, and she closed her eyes.  
  
 **Now**_  
  
Veronica laughed at Logan's stunned expression, a tired sigh escaping her. “Ruined lives and bloodshed, right?”  
  
“You didn't have to do that,” Logan said urgently. He felt like the world had just frozen. No noise, no sound, no movement. Nothing. Just Veronica and her secrets. All of her ugly secrets.   
  
“Yes, I did.”  
  
He blinked fast at her eerie calmness, her quiet serenity over the current conversation. It was like they were discussing the weather. He felt like throwing up. “I didn't tell you to do that. I didn't tell you to kill anyone.”  
  
“No, you didn't,” she agreed quietly. “But they would've killed me first.”  
  
“They would've killed you,” he muttered, her story running through his head in a loop, over and over. “They would've killed you,” he repeated, for moment wondering if he was trying to convince her, or himself.  
  
Veronica nodded. “They would've.”  
  
Logan swallowed hard, keeping his eyes on her face, looking for any semblance of guilt or regret in her eyes. “Were you upset about having to use your gun?”  
  
“Counseling services said I was,” Veronica finally lowered her head, exhaling deeply. “I don't really remember...I never told anyone about that. Not even my dad,” she shook her head, blinking as she heard Logan's footsteps, heard him get closer. “It feels good to finally tell someone.”  
  
Logan carefully embraced her, running his hand over her back. “You're not a bad person,” he whispered. “You did what you had to do.”  
  
“I know,” she muttered against his chest, her hands gripping his jacket.  
  
“I'm...I'm so sorry you had to do that, Veronica.”  
  
“I had to. They would have killed you. They would have killed me.”  
  
He didn't respond, unsure of what to say to that. It sure as hell wasn't “thank you,” that definitely wasn't going to be the words that came out of his mouth. Thank you for what? For killing people for him? For ruining herself for him? She was practically dead inside and the thought made him both horribly sad and angry. He didn't know what to do.  
  
“You have to go,” Veronica said suddenly, pulling away from him. “Go.”  
  
Logan shook his head, stepping forward and his hand slipped over the back of Veronica's head. He grasped the back of her hair tightly, pulling her into a firm kiss. “We're going to talk about this,” he muttered against her lips before kissing her again. “We are, baby.”  
  
Veronica nodded, even though she knew they wouldn't. She wouldn't allow it. It wasn't going to happen. She watched as Logan moved away from her, heading for the front door. She sank to the edge of the bed, her arms resting limply at her side.   
  
Logan opened the front door, hesitating before glancing over his shoulder at Veronica. She sat perfectly still on the bed, staring at him blankly. He swallowed hard, ripping his gaze from her and forcing himself to escape from the apartment.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The panic began to surge in Logan quick and he inhaled sharply, turning in a circle like a caged animal, unsure of where to go or what to say.

_We're playing I spy w u so act conspicuous_  
  
Logan smirked as he slipped his phone in his back pocket. Parker was a cheater, they both knew Mia could spot both of her parents miles away and the only way Parker would be able to win _I Spy_ was with help. He sighed heavily, pushing up the sleeves of his white sweater and raising his arms in the air in a long stretch, twisting his wrist and feeling the ears of the stuffed dog in his hand hit his forearm.  
  
It was nice not to think- no, worry- about Veronica for a little while. She had been heavy on his mind as he made his trip to Keith's office, then his home and to the airport. He had resisted the urge to call or text her, knowing the possibility was there in which she would snap at him. A selfish part of him wished she had never returned, that he had never allowed her to get close, had never lowered his guard to care about her again. That tiny, selfish part was overpowered by fact that he was worried, he did care and he just wanted to protect Veronica from whatever the hell was going on in her head. Never did he think their roles would be reversed like this, nearly ten years later.  
  
“There's daddy!”  
  
Logan slowly smiled as he lowered his arms at the sound of his little girl's shriek. He spotted Parker first, her mouth scrunched up in slight displeasure at losing yet another round of _I Spy_ , and the smile grew as Mia dashed past bystanders' legs. He crouched down, holding out the hand holding the dog as he waved. Parker's mini-me practically threw herself into Logan's arms and instead of having the wind knocked out of him, he felt he could breathe again. He loved this simplicity.  
  
“Hi, daddy!”  
  
Logan's eyes closed at the sound of Mia's high voice. He buried his face in her dark hair, for a moment just enjoying the feel of her little arms around his neck and forgetting all of his worries. “Hi, baby,” he murmured, glancing up at Parker, who was busy taking their picture with her phone. He gave her a faint smile, scooping Mia up in his arms as he straightened up. “Had a good trip?”  
  
Mia nodded, planting a kiss on his chin. “Mama said we are going to have breakfast.”  
  
He raised his eyebrows, glancing over her shoulder at Parker. “Are we?”  
  
Parker smiled primly at Logan, giving him a quick kiss on his mouth. “We are. And then we are all going to take a long nap!”  
  
“Sounds like a great plan for us all,” Logan said, handing Mia the stuffed animal before taking Parker's luggage from her. He followed her toward the parking garage, moving his head as Mia tried to put the dog on his head. “Hey, guess who's back in town?”  
  
Parker glanced over her shoulder, grinning. “Tell me it's Dave Franco...”  
  
Logan fixed a tight smile on his face, trying to muster up some semblance of contagious excitement. “Veronica!”  
  
She nearly stumbled as she stopped in her tracks, looking at Logan over her shoulder, her brow furrowing and mouth dropping slightly in shock. “ _What_?”  
  
He walked past Parker, starting to pull his car keys out of his pocket. “Yeah, she came back. In August. She's home now.”  
  
Parker walked fast behind Logan, forcing a smile on her face when she caught Mia staring at her. “ _Honey_! Why didn't you tell me this _months_ ago?”  
  
Logan nearly cringed at Parker's tone, he knew that tone. That 'I don't want to yell at you in front of the kid but I am pissed' tone. “Slipped my mind?”  
  
“For almost _four_ months, it slipped your mind? What is she even doing back here, I thought she was working for the FBI?” Parker watched as Logan opened the backseat door of his truck, gently helping Mia into her booster seat. “Logan. That's pretty big-”  
  
He shut the car door, taking a step toward Parker and embracing her tightly. “Can we talk about this later?” he mumbled against her forehead. “It's a long story and I just want it to be us for a little while.”  
  
She frowned, reluctantly nodding. “Fine. But we're talking about this later,” she pulled away slightly, her nose scrunching up. “You look like shit.”  
  
“Thanks, honey,” he said sarcastically, releasing her. He picked up their luggage, packing it into the trunk. “I had a rough night.”  
  
“Do I even want to know?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Parker crossed her arms over her chest, watching Logan. “You look weird, what's wrong?”  
  
Logan closed the trunk, moving around to the driver's side door. He was silent for a moment, trying to think of how to approach the question without Parker freaking out on him. He didn't want to talk about Veronica so he would dip a toe into the other topic plaguing him. No big deal. “Let me ask you a question. Did you speak to your ex when you were in Denver? Chris.”  
  
She snorted, opening the passenger door. “Hell no. Never again,” her eyes narrowed. “ _Why_?”  
  
He shrugged, opening the car door. “Just wondering. Kid-friendly breakfast or mimosas?”  
  
 _ **Five Years Ago**_  
  
Logan leaned his head against the bathroom door, closing his eyes. He inhaled deeply as the baby in the next room continued to shriek, her cries now getting audibly scratchy as she wore out that tiny voice of hers. She had been non-stop for over two hours and three calls from the front desk. For the last hour, Parker had been crying along with Mia, leaving her in her crib by Logan's bed. Right before he ran into the bathroom, Parker had curled into a ball on his bed, covering her face with his pillow.  
  
One month in and he knew he couldn't do this. They couldn't do this. They were both too young, too impatient, too fucking stupid to do this. Mia didn't want to be fed or changed, everything made her cry. Her face was red and she was probably going to die from screaming so much, he was sure of it. He nearly lost it and fled before he could and that was probably his biggest accomplishment of the night.  
  
Logan slowly climbed to his feet, staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He didn't even recognize himself, pale and worn with dark circles under his eyes. And he had to fucking go to class in five hours. With a deep sigh, he turned on the faucet on its coldest, waiting a moment before splashing his face. He had to get it together. Months ago he had promised to be there for Parker and this baby and he would. He had to.  
  
With a heavy sigh, Logan opened the bathroom door, finding Parker on the floor against the bed, her knees pulled to her chest. “Parker.”  
  
Parker sobbed, covering her face. “She won’t stop screaming...”  
  
“I know,” he gently slipped his hands under her arms, lifting her up to the edge of the bed. “Stop crying. Keith is going to be here soon.”  
  
“I don't want her anymore,” Parker cried, her breaths coming in uneven heaves. “She hates me and I don't know how to fix her.”  
  
Logan shook his head, trying to resist the voice in his head telling him to agree with Parker and call the nearest adoption agency. “You love her and she can't hate you, she's a baby. Just cowboy up-”  
  
She shook her head, her shoulders slouching. “Logan, I can’t. I can’t raise the baby here- it’s dark and depressing and there’s no sun...I’m suffocating in here. Mia is depressed.”  
  
“She’s a month old,” he said sharply, blinking rapidly as Mia let out a shriek. “She can’t be depressed, she doesn’t know how to be depressed.”  
  
“She cries all the time- this place is totally messing up her good vibes. Maybe that's why she hates me, I'm forcing her to live in a dungeon. This is child abuse,” Parker lifted her head, her eyes wide. “We need to move out, Logan.”  
  
“I hear a baby!”  
  
Logan's eyes closed at the sound of Keith's voice and he silently congratulated himself for having the foresight to give Keith one of the room keys. He left Parker on the bed, walking over to the bedroom door as Keith approached. “She's an asshole.”  
  
Keith stared at Logan for a moment, stunned, before biting back a smile. “An asshole or really upset because she's not being _heard_?” he said with a grin before walking past Logan. He moved to a still crying Parker, gently squeezing her shoulder before stepping over to the crib. He picked Mia up, holding her against his chest and rubbing her back as he walked around the room.  
  
“She doesn't have a fever. She doesn't want a bottle. She doesn't need to be changed. I even checked on the internet,” Logan said dully, leaning against the wall. “She just wants to cry.”  
  
“She just wants to be held,” Keith said quietly, continuing to rub Mia's back as he moved around. “Hanging in there, Parker?”  
  
Parker didn't respond, simply shaking her head.  
  
Keith walked over to Logan. “Here's a tip from me to you both,” he said, giving Logan a pointed look before looking over his shoulder at Parker. “The baby can feel your anxiety. You have to be patient and calm. Count to ten,” he smiled down at Mia, whose cries had died down to a faint whine. “See?”  
  
Logan stared down at the baby, never feeling more like a failure than in that moment. “I can't do that.”  
  
“Sure, you can. You have to let her get to know you, Logan.” Keith ran his hand over the top of Mia's head before nodding down at her. “Here, take her.” Logan shook his head and Keith gave him an aggravated look. “Relax and just take her.”  
  
“How did you do it?” Logan asked quietly as Keith carefully placed Mia in his arms. “How did she get so quiet?”  
  
Keith smiled, picking up one of the baby's face towels from the dresser and wiping her cheeks gingerly. “Veronica cried a lot as a baby,” he murmured. “And I didn't sit back and let Lianne take care of her on her own.”  
  
Parker had appeared by Keith's side, staring down at Mia warily. “Can you live with us?”  
  
“No,” Keith laughed. “It's trial and error, kids. You'll learn. You'll develop your own methods.”  
  
Logan met Parker's gaze before glancing down at Mia, now asleep in his arms. “I can't believe she's asleep.”  
  
“She'll probably be up in an hour or so,” Keith said, walking to the front door. “It's almost three in the morning, so I am going back home. Just take it easy and don't stress out. Support her head.”  
  
Parker followed Keith out of the room, leaving Logan alone with Mia. He stood still for a moment, listening, and he could hear Parker quietly talking with Keith and Keith's response. They were too quiet for him to hear exactly what they were saying but he hoped she was asking for more baby tips. Slowly, he started to walk toward the crib, careful to not make any fast movements. Just as he placed Mia in the crib, careful to rest her the way Keith had showed them, Parker walked in, stopping at the door.  
  
Logan glanced at her before looking back to the baby, carefully covering her. He quickly backed away from the crib before carefully laying on the bed. After a moment, Parker crawled in beside him, sighing deeply as she closed her eyes. He looked at her, licking his lips. “I'm here, Parker.”  
  
“For now.”  
  
His eyes narrowed as he lifted his head. “What do you mean for now?” he whispered, not wanting to wake the baby.  
  
She opened her eyes, meeting his stare. “You're here _for now_ ,” she said softly. “We'll see in a month. Two months. A year. Five years.”  
  
As Logan stared at Parker, something in him set off at the look in her eyes. That icy judgment Veronica and just about everyone else used to always train his way was now in Parker's and God, was he sick of it. “Look, are you going to keep holding what happened at the hospital over my head?” he nearly hissed, propping himself up on his elbow. “If you are, this isn't going to work. I fucked up and I've been apologizing since. Let it go.”  
  
“My faith in you totally went to zero after the hospital so _earn it_ ,” she shot back with fire in her eyes, turning on her side, her back to him. “Prove you're going to stay by doing it. Help me.”  
  
“I _will_ ,” he said firmly.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
Logan sighed, flopping on his back. The chill that had taken over the room had made him tense and he lay there, waiting for Parker to continue the fight. She didn't, keeping her back to him and remaining silent.  
  
He inhaled deeply, hesitantly reaching over and resting his fingers on Parker's bare arm. “I'm here,” he murmured, closing his eyes. “We can move out of the hotel.”  
  
A faint jolt went through him after several seconds as he felt Parker's fingers slide along his before resting. They lay silently like that, fingers touching and neither saying a word and Logan found himself drifting away, allowing a much needed sleep to take over.  
  
 _ **Now**_  
  
Veronica watched Natasha Levinson eat her dinner, trying to stifle the annoyance threatening to escape. She blinked, trying to block out the annoying pop music Chasm was currently blasting. The woman had been eating the dinner that Veronica had stupidly offered to pay for, refusing to answer Veronica's questions to requests to get to the point. God, she hated trophy wives.  
  
Veronica was feeling almost back to normal, or rather, the closest she could get to normal. Logan hadn't called or texted, probably too busy with his fake family. A hot shower had helped her mood and she even put on some noticeable makeup for an extra kick. She decided on a dark red lipstick which Razia had gifted to her one day with the wise words of “even on bad days, there's always red lipstick.” Razia wore a lot of red lipstick lately. Veronica wondered just how many truly bad days she had in her life.  
  
“Natasha,” Veronica finally said, straightening up in her seat. “It's late. I have to work tomorrow. Can we please discuss your case?”  
  
Natasha lifted her head, her green eyes locking on Veronica's. “Go ahead, then,” she said curtly, lowering her fork before picking up her wine glass.  
  
Veronica inhaled deeply, gathering up her nerve. It was a difficult topic and she had to show restraint, patience and compassion. Natasha might even cry and she had to prepare her poker face, stay professional and strong for the client. “Natasha, yes, your husband is cheating on you. I'm sorry. There's something more alarming, though.”  
  
Concern flashed in Natasha's eyes as she lowered her glass. “What is it?”  
  
Veronica inhaled through her nose, wondering for a moment if she should offer her hand for Natasha to hold and decided against it, not wanting to jerk away from the touch instinctively. “He's involved in a drug ring.”  
  
Natasha blinked, shaking her head. “Okay, but what about the woman?”  
  
Veronica's brow furrowed. This was unexpected. “You _don't care_ about your husband being involved in a dangerous drug ring because _that_ would concern me, personally.”  
  
“God, Miss Mars, I knew about that, I'm asking you about the cheating. Is she prettier than me?”  
  
Veronica stared at her drink for a long moment before nodding, her eyes meeting Natasha's. “I'm ending this arrangement,” she said firmly, leaning over and picking up her purse from her feet. “I'm keeping the deposit as payment for the work I already did. Forget the rest of it. We're done here.”  
  
The moral switch in Veronica's head had clicked on in those ten seconds as she spoke. She felt thoroughly disgusted by Natasha Levinson and her only concern being whether her pride was about to be hurt or not and Veronica was just ready to wash her hands clean of it all.  
  
Natasha shook her head, a stunned look on her face. “I am paying you! You _have_ to do it!”  
  
“No, I don't,” Veronica said, her jaw clenching. “I did what I was meant to do, I found out your husband was cheating. I will not continue, my moral compass isn't that skewed.”  
  
“I don't-”  
  
“You have my silence, okay?” Veronica stood, setting her bag on the table as she pulled out her wallet, throwing down five twenties. “You have the info you wanted. We are done here, have a wonderful life.”  
  
Natasha's face was red and she leaned forward. “I am paying you,” she said through gritted teeth. “You cannot do this!”  
  
Veronica nodded, grabbing her bag and heading for the front door before Natasha could continue her rant. She dodged the oblivious people, making her way out of Chasm and her mouth opening as she nearly slammed into Dick. “Excuse me...”  
  
“Veronica Mars!” Dick exclaimed, holding up his small Victoria’s Secret bag. “I should thank you- you going to the Secret with Rita last week had her inspired...check it out!”  
  
She forced a smile, pushing the bag away as she silently counted to ten. The last thing she needed was Dick's bullshit, her tolerance level was currently at negative five. “No, thanks.”  
  
He shrugged. “Rita showed me what you bought- Logan's going to love the red one,” he smirked at her perplexed look. “You two are _super_ obvious. How many times is he going to help you fix something in your apartment, anyway? He's gotten lazy with his lines.”  
  
Veronica grinned tightly, leaning forward. A prime chance to get information from Logan's best friend. “So...tell me the truth. How many girls is Logan seeing? Really.”  
  
“Currently?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Dick frowned, thinking. “I think it might just be you. He said something about being bored with the randoms, so he purged.” He met Veronica’s gaze, his eyebrows rising. “Between you and me, if I were him, I would’ve kept fucking Carmen.”  
  
Veronica rolled her eyes, ignoring his dig. “Well, I think mankind breathes a sigh of relief that you are two different people.”  
  
He raised his eyebrows, a slow grin forming on his face. “Damn, you still don't trust Logan? He's Mister Straight and Narrow these days- _boooooring_. I blame Parker. All you women do is ruin him.”  
  
She laughed dryly. “It’s not my fault that he was a slut, Dick!”  
  
“Wait a minute- aren’t you banging him now? Shouldn't you be nice to him now? What’s with the insults? Is he not doing you right or what?”  
  
She scowled, ignoring his last comment. “I might be _with_ him, but I know how he is. Against my better judgment...I know how he is. Eventually, the girls and the sex and the-”  
  
Dick snorted. “What- you think you have him all figured out after being naked friends with him for a couple of weeks?” she didn’t respond, and he rolled his eyes. “If you would stop jerking off to your own reflection for a second, I’ll fill you in.”  
  
Veronica’s mouth clamped shut, and she chose to once again ignore his vulgarity. “Go ahead,” she said through clenched teeth.  
  
“Logan's got a lot of feelings, go figure. He got his heart broken by Razia, so he fucked the pain away,” Dick fidgeted impatiently. “I haven't heard about him doing anyone else, it's all you. For some reason,” Dick paused, staring down at Veronica. “That's my good deed for the day. Try not to tear his balls off next time you see him.”  
  
She was silent for a moment, breathing deeply. She finally smiled, giving Dick a shrug. “Listen, just forget this conversation ever happened. I'm in a bad mood and I'm taking it out on Logan and I don't mean any of it, okay?” her smile faded slightly. “Don't tell Logan we had this conversation, Dick.”  
  
“I won't...if you take Rita for a mani-pedi.”  
  
Veronica nearly stomped her foot, silently cursing for getting herself pulled into this blatant blackmail so easily. “Fine.”  
  
“You're paying.”  
  
“I _said_ fine.”  
  
Dick grinned, “I knew you were nice under that ice bitch shell,” he gave her a nod, starting to walk away before glancing at her over his shoulder. “Make sure you take her somewhere nice, not one of those trailer trash places you're used to.”  
  
Her eyes narrowed as she watched Dick walk off, making a mental note to slash his back tires on a day she was bored. She walked to her car, glancing at her phone. One missed call from her father. She dialed his number, climbing into her car. When he picked up, she allowed a brief smile to come on her face. “Hi.”  
  
“Hi, honey,” she could hear the television being lowered on the other end. “Have you paid the fee to take your dog to your apartment?”  
  
Veronica cringed, fastening her seat belt. “No, I completely forgot, I'm sorry. I'll do it soon. Want me to bring some dog food over?”  
  
“Please. Ace keeps looking for you. Are you coming for Thanksgiving dinner?”  
  
Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “I'm actually invited?”  
  
Keith let out a slight laugh. “Why wouldn't you be? We eat at six.”  
  
“Who's we?”  
  
“Harmony and I, Logan and his family, you.”  
  
Veronica blinked rapidly at her father's flippant mention of Logan and his family and quickly ignored the mention. “Okay,” she responded slowly, unable to keep the shock from her voice. “Dad...I have to go. I'm about to drive.”  
  
He was quiet for a moment before, “Have a good night, Veronica.”  
  
“Bye,” she hung up, frowning. She should have been elated at the conversation, happy that he had invited her but she was still troubled. She could still feel the distance. Maybe she would use the dinner to talk to him, set things straight.  
  
With a shake of her head, she started her car. Or, at least tried to. A click, and then nothing. Her mouth turned downward as she tried again, and the car remained stuck. She muttered a curse, picking up her phone again and quickly dialing.  
  
Logan was breathless when he answered, “Hello!” he let out a sharp breath. “Mia, time for bed.”  
  
Veronica froze at the sound of a tiny voice on the other end protesting loudly. “H-Hi.”  
  
“Hey,” she could hear the smile in his voice and then he let out another breath. “I knew you shouldn't have napped- I promise to take you for breakfast before I go to work tomorrow. Now go with mommy,” he coughed. “How are you feeling?”  
  
She frowned. “Me?”  
  
“Yes, you. Sorry about that- good night.”  
  
“Me?”  
  
“No, I'm talking to the kid. I'm really- she had a nap, now she's hyper and won't go to bed,” she could hear Logan moving about on the other end and then a television was turned off. “Talk to me, I'm here.”  
  
Veronica inhaled sharply, trying to push aside being thrown off by the very clear one-two punch of Logan being a father finally shoved in her face. “My car broke down, can you pick me up?”  
  
She was surprised at Logan's immediate willingness to help her out, even more so by how quick he made it out to her. As soon as she climbed into his car, he reached over and gently cupped her face. Her eyes lowered as his focused on her. “Hi.”  
  
“Hey. Come here,” he leaned forward, kissing her softly. “I've been worried about you. Doing okay?”  
  
She nodded, leaving a quick kiss on his lips before pulling away and fastening her seat belt. “I just want to move on,” she could feel his eyes still on her and she busied herself with her bag. “I'll call the tow truck in the morning. I think I want to trade it in, actually...not really feeling it anymore.”  
  
He eyed her for a moment before pulling out into the street. “Yeah? What did you have in mind?”  
  
She shrugged. “Something black, maybe.”  
  
Logan nodded, turning the radio up slightly. “Whatever works for you,” he paused, glancing at her. “You didn't come over today.”  
  
Veronica glanced at him, surprise on her face for a moment. “Did you really want me to?”  
  
He slowly grinned.“If I have to say it outright...yes, I want you to since we're doing whatever we're doing. If you're going to stick around, I'd like you to meet her. Are you planning on sticking around?”  
  
She was stunned at his abrupt willingness to let her in, she had been expecting him to continue hiding his makeshift family, to continue holding her at arms length. “Is this the adult equivalent of you giving me your Letterman jacket?”  
  
Logan's smile grew and he reached over, squeezing her knee. “It can be whatever you want it to be. No pressure,” his grin faded slightly. “You know, you never ask me about my columns. Or Mia. Or Parker. Nothing. No questions at all.”  
  
“So?”  
  
“Kind of odd. For you.”  
  
Veronica glanced down at her lap, watching as Logan removed his hand from her knee. She was both relieved and disappointed by the gesture, familiarizing herself with the memory of loss and longing. She yearned for him and didn't quite know where it was all coming from, or if it had always been there and was just hidden. She wasn't willing to dig into her own emotions or where the complexities in them lay.  
  
“I've had a lot on my mind,” she said softly, deciding then not to elaborate, deciding not to tell him she didn't ask because she didn't want to know.  
  
He nodded, his lips pressing together at the sudden awkward silence between them. He focused on the music filling the silence, gripping the steering wheel tightly for a moment. “I like this song,” he mumbled.  
  
She nodded, glancing out the window. “Me too. This was high school...what's it called?”  
  
“Ocean City Girl.”  
  
“Music sucks now.”  
  
Logan let out a breathless laugh, nodding to himself. “We're officially old,” he paused, his smile fading. “Look, are you really okay? You can tell me if-”  
  
She sighed wearily, her eyes closing for a moment. “Please stop asking me that.”  
  
“Listen, you can talk to me, okay?”  
  
“I don't want to talk about the past anymore, Logan,” she said simply. “I've been stuck for years and I just want to move forward, like you said. Right now, I want to sit here with you in a very comfortable silence that will end with us making out for a couple of minutes, okay?”  
  
A faint grin played on his mouth and he shrugged. “Always planning ahead.”  
  
“Always.”  
  
He nodded slowly, licking his lips. He gave her a sidelong glance, catching her gazing out the window. Her expression was almost sad, not quite there but the ghost of it lingered. His mouth opened, starting to speak but then he halted, unsure of what exactly he was going to say. _“It's going to be okay?” “I'm here even though you'll inevitably push me away?” “Please be happy?” “Even though we're seriously fucked up, I still want you?”_ There wasn't exactly a sentence generator for this kind of thing.  
  
“Watch the road.”  
  
Logan's gaze swiftly returned to the street, his jaw clenching. “Still haven't lost your spidey-senses...”  
  
“You're burning a hole in my head,” Veronica muttered, jerking forward as Logan pulled the car to a stop in front of her apartment building. “Thanks for the ride.”  
  
He forced a smile as she undid her seat belt. “I can pick you up tomorrow. If you want,” she glanced at him, nodding briefly and he returned the nod. “We can continue the uncomfortable silences in the AM, it'll be great.”  
  
Veronica sat there silent for a moment, staring at Logan. He continued to grin at her stupidly, faintly fidgety with awkwardness and she couldn't help the faint smile that played on the corners of her lips. She inhaled sharply in a moment of hesitation and a quick gathering of nerves before leaning forward and kissing Logan's cheek. He turned to look at her and she pressed her lips against his. Logan returned the embrace, tilting his head to better accommodate their positions and she gasped as he deepened their kiss.  
  
It went on for several seconds, the heat of it remaining at the current level, not rising, not falling, until Veronica coaxed herself to pull away. She sat there for a moment, her forehead against his, and she could feel it, then. Stirring and making her just slightly light-headed. She pulled back and when their eyes locked, her breath hitched. He began to speak and she reached up, touching the sides of his face as she kissed him again.  
  
“Do you want to come up?” she whispered.  
  
Logan grinned against her mouth as she left another kiss just beneath his lower lip. “I would love to but it would be impolite on this, the day of my kid's arrival.”  
  
She bit back a smile, lowering her head. “Five minutes.”  
  
“It won't be five minutes and you know it,” he kissed the corner of her mouth. “Come over. Sleep over. Whatever.”  
  
“I don't want to intrude on this, the day of the kid's arrival,” she whispered against his lips.  
  
“Go on, intrude. Break in. Take all my things. Just come over,” She shook her head slowly, pulling back. He sighed heavily, leaning back against his seat. “Ignoring it isn't going to make them go away, Veronica.”  
  
Veronica opened the car door, climbing out of the car. She chose then to disregard his last comment, bending down and giving him a forced smile. “See you tomorrow,” she didn't wait for him to respond before slamming the door shut.  
  
 _ **Five Years Ago**_  
  
Veronica kept her gaze steady on the projection of the dead girl, her head split open and her fixed eyes staring at the room currently staring at her. The girl was sixteen, Veronica recalled, murdered by her older boyfriend and dumped across state lines. She was still wearing her school uniform.  
  
“Slide sixteen of the recovery...”  
  
Her fingers curled, her nails digging into her palm and she swiftly lowered her hand to her lap, trying to hide the shaking. Fellow special agents took notes around her or remained focused, none of them having any visible reaction to what was on the screen and she inhaled deeply, trying to will her body to stop imagining the room tilting.  
  
She spotted Alex as soon as she left the meeting, pushing a cart of files down the hallway. Their thing was relatively new. Dinners, drinks, sex, deep conversation kept at a minimum. It had been this way for about seven weeks and she enjoyed the simplicity of it. It was nice to have easy and there was the bonus of being too busy to get bored.  
  
Veronica bit back a smile, following him down the hallway. “Hey, you.”  
  
He turned and her grin faded slightly when she saw the strain in his. She recognized that strain, it was the same strain Lilly would give her after Duncan broke up with her. The same strain her father had after her mother had ditched them. The same strain Duncan had after finding out Meg was carrying his child. The same strain Logan had after her head was shaved. The same strain Piz had for the last fucking year of their relationship.  
  
“Hey,” he said, stopping in his tracks. He turned to face her, clapping his hands once. “What's up?”  
  
“Just wanted to say hi, hadn't seen you in almost two days,” she shook her head, hesitantly wrapping her arm around Alex's. “Today was a really tough day for me. I'm honestly glad you're here.” Alex stiffened against her touch and she quickly removed her arm from his. “What's wrong?”  
  
Alex laughed slightly, rubbing his face. “I don't think this is working out...”  
  
“What? What isn't?”  
  
“Us. You. I've been thinking and we should stop seeing each other.”  
  
Her eyes narrowed, unable to fully believe what she was hearing. All she could hear echoing in her head was his “you,” “you,” “you.” He was saying she was the problem. She could immediately feel her body tensing, her breath hitching. “Are you seeing someone else?”  
  
His eyebrows rose. “I wasn't aware we were exclusive. This was just sex-”  
  
“Don't do that,” Veronica said firmly. “You don't want to do that.”  
  
He laughed, shaking his head. “Veronica, it's over. Just-”  
  
“I will destroy you.”  
  
Alex froze, his smile faded as she stood there, her jaw clenching. “Are you threatening me?”  
  
Veronica inhaled deeply, feeling as though she were watching this entire conversation play out from several feet away. She could see her clenched fists, her steely eyes on his alarmed ones, feeling Neptune seeping into her pores once more as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket. “You're a star intern, a future agent. How do you think the FBI would react to all the voicemails you left me? They were pretty saucy,” she glanced down at her phone, letting out a knowing chuckle. “Really dirty- even I blushed and I've heard it all.”  
  
“Who the hell do you think-”  
  
“Do you want to hear the one from last week again? Something about wanting to spread me open-”  
  
“Stop!” Alex stepped away from Veronica as if she were diseased. “You're a fucking psychopath.”  
  
Veronica watched Alex scurry away, not lowering her gaze until he was out of sight. She blinked rapidly, gathering herself together and she wondered where the hell that sudden edge in her had come from. She wasn't in Neptune anymore, she didn't need to be like that.  
  
A small voice told her to go after Alex and apologize but the rational voice boomed for her to just forget it, to be glad such a weak person was out of her life, to cut her losses. She turned, walking down the hallway toward the elevators, quickly sending a text to her roommate. She remembered her mentioning she would be marathoning Breaking Bad that night, Veronica decided to offer her company. It wouldn't be so bad, anything would beat what had just happened.  
  
 _ **Now**_  
  
“Veronica?”  
  
Veronica lifted her head at the sound of a slightly anxious voice, freezing at the sight of the tiny mob of five young girls looking straight out of college. Three blondes, two brunettes, all staring at her with nervous energy. She recognized at least three of them as the catty orientation girls who had whispered about her. “Yeah?”  
  
The tallest blonde stepped forward, her hand shooting out. “I-I am Jenna. This is Lucy, Anna, Liz-”  
  
Veronica glanced down at the girl's outstretched hand, lowering the slides in hers. “I'm really busy.”  
  
The girl glanced over her shoulder at the others and one slapped her arm. She turned back to Veronica, inhaling sharply. “We know you work with Razia-”  
  
“Razia's at lunch,” Veronica mumbled, returning her attention to the slides.  
  
“We know...” Jenna trailed off, digging her toe into the floor. “We _also_ know you are a detective.”  
  
Veronica stifled a sigh, lowering her slides once more. She remembered her botched case, how Razia now looked at her with worry, how she hated that look. “I don't do that anymore.”  
  
A brunette stepped forward, alarm in her eyes. “Really? We heard things.”  
  
“What did you hear?” Veronica found herself asking before she could stop herself.  
  
“You work for a fixed fee, shit like stolen money, hardcore shit like murders...”  
  
She kept the tight-lipped smile on her face, wondering then if they heard things as in actually heard things or heard things as in just read one of the many unauthorized true crime books around. “I don't-”  
  
“A frat is blackmailing us,” Jenna said shrilly. “We went to one of their parties, it got wild, the pictures are going to go viral and we need someone to kill them.”  
  
Veronica stared at the girls, shaking her head. “Yeah, I'm not going to do that.”  
  
Jenna fidgeted impatiently. “Not _really_ kill them, but kill the pics, make sure they don't do it again. Scare them a bit- we'll pay you. Five paychecks.”  
  
Everything in Veronica was telling her to say no, to reject their offer and to go back to her normal job. Yet, as she sat there staring at these girls staring at her, the utter excitement bubbling in her at the possibility of taking down some assholes was just too tempting. This wasn't as bad as the Levinson case, not at all. This was something she could have done in college with her eyes closed. “Seven hundred. Each.”  
  
The girls were unfazed and glanced at each other, nodding. Jenna turned back to Veronica, grinning brightly at her. “Okay! Do you accept checks?”  
  
“Sure. If the checks bounce, I want an extra three hundred added on. Cash only.”  
  
“Okay!”  
  
Veronica smirked at the girls, lowering her head. Of course it was okay, surely their daddies paid for everything they needed. This would be no different. “Vmars at gmail. E-mail me your info, the frat, the names of the guys I'm looking into- anything I'll need. I'll contact you eventually.”  
  
She glanced up, catching the girls still standing there. “Okay, leave before Brenda fires all of us.”  
  
Logan stepped out of the way as the mob came at him. He turned his head, watching as the gaggle of girls rushed off after thanking Veronica. “Doing your part as a trusty and kind employee?” he intoned, walking over to her desk. “Or side job?”  
  
Veronica bit back a smile, glancing at him. Instead of going to lunch with Razia like he always did, he chose to lurk around. Just like old times. She couldn't say she minded. “Column b,” she sang quietly.  
  
“Can't stay away, huh. Do you think you can handle-”  
  
“It's just a blackmail case with some dumb frat kids, I won't even have to get super close. Don't waste your time worrying, pops.”  
  
“Pops? Really?” He nodded slowly, moving around the desk and leaning against it. After a moment, he nudged her with his knuckle. “Hey. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?”  
  
She dropped the slides to the table, finally accepting she wasn't going to get her work done. “Excuse me?”  
  
Logan shrugged. “What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?”  
  
Veronica blinked, shaking her head. “I don't know, what?”  
  
“Milk and quackers,” he smirked as Veronica's brow furrowed. “Milk and quackers. Mia's greatest hits. She was really pleased with that one.”  
  
She laughed slightly, shaking her head. “Razia's not here, Logan...”  
  
“It's a good thing I'm here to see you and not her, then,” he leaned forward, his body jerking in hesitation for a moment before reaching over and pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I just came to say hi.”  
  
Veronica moved out of the way of his touch. He was being too tender for her comfort, especially in public. She hoped this wasn't all because of her confession but she didn't want to have to think about the meaning of his gestures if it wasn't, either. Her own feelings were complicated at the moment, she didn't want to even factor in his. “Wow, you must really want me to come to dinner. You're overselling it, Logan.”  
  
Logan sighed heavily. “I also wanted to do something, I forgot to do it this morning.”  
  
“What's that?”  
  
He leaned down, cupping Veronica's cheek as he kissed her firmly. He pulled back, giving her a slight smile. “Now I can stop thinking about it.”  
  
She lowered her gaze, shaking her head. “We're going to get in trouble, Logan.”  
  
“I'll take the write-up,” he released her, pushing off the desk. “What time do you get off? I'll drive you home. I'm assuming you don't want to detour to my place.”  
  
“You _assume_ correctly. I get off at four-thirty but don't worry about it, I have to take Rita to get a manicure so she's picking me up,” Logan's eyebrows rose and she shook her head swiftly, holding up her hands. “Don't even ask.”  
  
“Mr. Echolls, did you get lost again?”  
  
Logan cringed at the sound of Brenda's voice, turning to face her. He searched her face for any sigh of having seen the kiss with Veronica but the woman simply looked annoyed with him. “Those hallways sure are tricky.”  
  
Brenda shot him a look, opening her office door. “You're interrupting my employee from her work. I know you don't have a real job around here other than coasting as the son of actors but my employee actually has a job to do.”  
  
He slowly grinned, glancing back at Veronica, who continued to smile at him primly. With a quick nod, he tipped his imaginary hat to Veronica before walking past Brenda. He resisted the urge to congratulate her on not choking on her lunch, that would definitely get him into a ridiculously long battle with HR.  
  
Logan jumped as his phone started to buzz as he walked down the hallway to the elevators. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, frowning at the unlisted number before bringing the phone to his ear. “Hello?”  
  
“Is this Logan Echolls?”  
  
“Yeah, who's this?”  
  
The man on the other end chuckled. “What- do I sound that different when I'm not spitting out blood? Come on, bro.”  
  
Logan slowed, glancing at the intern passing him before turning and walking past the elevators toward the staircase. “How did you get this number?”  
  
“Phone book?”  
  
“I'm unlisted,” Logan said tersely, opening the heavy door and ducking into the stairwell. “You've been calling my job- what the fuck do you want?”  
  
The man known as Chris Holtz, the man whose mere name had Logan seeing red, sighed. “If you're going to be this combative, I'll just call Parker-”  
  
“Don't you fucking even _breathe_ near Parker,” Logan snapped, glancing down the stairs for any surprise visitors before lowering his voice. “And you better stop calling my girlfriend, you don't talk to her-” he caught his slip of habit, shaking his head. “Stop fucking calling my ex.”  
  
“Some tabloid is offering me a lot of money, man. We're talking seven figures. They put two and two together, figured some shit out, wanna see if their hunch is right. I was calling your hot piece of ass to see if she wanted in on the action.”  
  
The panic began to surge in Logan quick and he inhaled sharply, turning in a circle like a caged animal, unsure of where to go or what to say. “Listen-”  
  
“My little girl is five, Logan Echolls. I haven't seen her in five years, all because of a psychopath who forced me to sign away my rights after beating the shit out of me. The papers will have such a field day with that!”  
  
“What, you want money?” Logan hated how stilted his voice was, how small he sounded.  
  
He scoffed. “ _Money_? Are you serious? I want justice for me, this beleaguered father-”  
  
“Bullshit. What do you want?”  
  
“I want to talk to my baby and Parker-”  
  
“Negative. It's not happening.”  
  
Chris was silent for a moment. “My funds are running low.”  
  
Logan laughed bitterly. “Of course they are. It's not my problem you blew through eight hundred grand in five years, you fucking- I will destroy you-”  
  
“You know what, man? I'll call you back when you're calmer. We'll talk about this like men.”  
  
Logan stood there in silence, the phone still at his ear. He blinked and abruptly inhaled, licking his lips slowly. The panic was buzzing through his veins and filling his lungs. “Fuck,” he muttered.  
  
* * * * *  
  
“Dad! Oh-”  
  
Veronica froze at her father's office door, her eyes locking on Alicia Fennel sitting across from her father. “Ms. Fennel! Hi.”  
  
Alicia smiled warmly at Veronica, giving her a nod. “It's been a long time, Veronica.”  
  
Veronica glanced at her father, whom to her surprise looked almost sheepish. She eyed him for a moment before turning back to Alicia, holding up the bag in her hand. “Sorry to interrupt, I was just bringing over some food for my dog...”  
  
“No, you're fine, I was just leaving,” Alicia stood, buttoning her jacket. “Your father and I were just catching up.”  
  
Keith grinned at Alicia, reaching over his desk to take her hand. “It was a pleasure, Alicia.”  
  
Veronica stepped to the side, allowing Alicia to pass and she smiled briefly at her father. “Didn't mean to barge in. Your little assistant wasn't outside and Rita was dropping me off- are you and Alicia friendly again?”  
  
“It's...” Keith trailed off but continued to stand, watching as Veronica set the bag of dog food on his desk. “She was just saying hello. We're getting coffee tomorrow.”  
  
“Oh? Good! Harmony's going?” her mouth closed at the sight of Keith's expression which told her, no, Harmony wasn't going. She blinked rapidly, nodding quickly as she turned toward the door. “Well, enjoy your super-friendly coffee with Alicia.”  
  
“A very angry woman called me this afternoon, ranting about my _partner_ ,” Keith said suddenly, sighing as Veronica froze in her tracks. “She says my partner didn't finish a job for her and she was considering hiring a lawyer. Do you know anything about that, Veronica? Ashley doesn't remember taking a call for a Mrs. Levinson.”  
  
Veronica turned to face her father, her shoulders back and she fixed a blank look on her face, preparing herself. “You weren't in the office one day and the phone was ringing so I picked up-”  
  
Keith shook his head, a mixture of shock and anger on his face. “You _stole_ a client from me?”  
  
“No,” Veronica said firmly, holding out her hands as if it would halt the conversation. “No, I was going to solve the case and tell you about it,” she paused, letting out a breathless laugh. “Dad, I just wanted so badly to show you I could do this again, that we could be partners-”  
  
“You obviously can't because you couldn't even finish a case. You stole a case from me, Veronica,” Keith said, his voice rising. “You stole it from me- how would I trust you?”  
  
“She- her husband was involved in a drug ring,” Veronica continued, her fingers curling into her palms. “I couldn't in good conscious finish the case. It was almost done. I did it and I just wanted to show you-”  
  
Keith moved around the desk. “Are you listening to me, Veronica? You stole a case from me, I don't trust you, why would I even want to work with you?”  
  
Veronica shook her head, her fingers uncurling as she ran her hands through her hair. “I didn't mean to- I just wanted us...” she trailed off, her eyes closing tightly for a moment as she reminded herself to remain calm. He wasn't attacking her, they were both calm and they were just having a conversation. “Dad, I've just had such a hard time and I wanted us- I got fired and I came home and nothing was the same-”  
  
“You were fired?” Keith asked, stunned.  
  
She shook her head once more. “It- it doesn't matter anymore. I just want things to go back to normal with us and I came home, dad. I came home and-”  
  
“The only reason you came back was because you had nowhere else to go, Veronica!” Keith exclaimed and he stopped when Veronica stepped back as he got closer. “You didn't want to come back for seven years.”  
  
“Yes, I did!” Veronica said with a helpless laugh. “I fucking did. Every day of every year for seven years but I just couldn't.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
She shook her head, blinking rapidly at the sudden, so clear hurt in her father's voice. “I don't know,” she said, hating the way her voice shook then. “I just know I want to go back to normal and Logan doesn't hate me anymore. But you still hate me and I can't take that you hate me-”  
  
“I don't hate you, Veronica,” Keith said, moving toward her. Before she could stop him, he embraced her, running his hand over the top of her head. “Honey, I don't hate you at all.”  
  
Veronica inhaled deeply, forcing back the threat of tears that she was afraid would come at the feel of her father's arms around her. Thankfully, the tears never came but the strong relief remained. She had missed this so much and for the first time in months, she felt her father's warmth without the steel walls around it. “I am so sorry for stealing that case. Please don't be mad at me,” she said softly. “You can't be mad at me anymore. Please.”  
  
“You have to earn that trust back, Veronica,” Keith said softly, pulling away from Veronica. He gave her a weak smile, gently pushing her hair off her face. He gaze at her, her brow furrowing at the indescribable look in her eyes. “I know you don't want to talk but there's obviously something wrong. What's going on with you?”  
  
“Please don't ask me that,” she said shakily, trying to move away from his touch. “I'm sick of people asking me if I'm okay...I'm fine. I promise. It's just been a really tough year,” she inhaled in surprise when he reached over, pulling her head down and kissing the top of her hair. “Dad?”  
  
“I love you, Veronica,” he murmured, embracing her once more. “I want us to be as close as we were.”  
  
“I love you, too,” she whispered, allowing herself to return the hug. “I want us to be close too.”  
  
Keith nodded. “Thanksgiving. We'll talk and drink and eat some turkey, that'll be fun, right?”  
  
Veronica stared up at her father, catching his almost-hopeful smile and she forced what she hoped was a similar one. “Yeah. Let's do that,” she relaxed slightly at the warmth in his eyes and she nodded. “I'm really sorry-” she gasped suddenly, pulling away from him. “Shit.”  
  
“What's wrong?”  
  
“I forgot about Rita- I left her in the car, she's supposed to drive me home, I have to go.”  
  
Keith nodded, grabbing Veronica's arm and pulling her into a quick hug. “So this isn't you trying to get out before I start asking about Logan and his intentions with my only daughter?”  
  
She laughed, hugging him tightly for a moment before shaking her head. “Please, don't.”  
  
He grinned, releasing her. “I'll see you on Thanksgiving, honey.”  
  
Veronica nodded, surprised at the genuine smile that fell on his lips as she stared at him. “Have a good night, dad.”  
  
Veronica drowned out Rita as she chatted happily as she drive her to her apartment. Rita was as hyper as a puppy and Veronica realized she didn't get out much, at least not with people she liked. It felt odd but Veronica actually found herself pleased that she was someone Rita liked hanging out with.  
  
Her phone buzzed and she pulled it from her pocket, her breath catching at the sight of the text. From Wallace.  
  
 _Hey._  
  
It was small, but it was something. She inhaled deeply, feeling like a certain weight had been removed from her shoulders. A small boulder but it was enough to make her feel a bit lighter.  
  
She thanked Rita for the nice evening and was surprised at how much she meant it. It had been nice to just be silly and get her nails done like she would have years ago. The security guard grinned at her as she walked through the lobby and she found herself smiling back tightly before getting on the elevator. Slowly but surely, she would get back to a normal she recognized. She could feel it in her bones.  
  
Veronica slowed at the sight of Logan standing in front of her door and she smiled slowly, making her way toward him. “Hello, you,” she couldn't stop the genuine happiness from making its way into her tone and she wasn't sure if she cared at that point. “Are you here for business or pleasure...” her grin faded at the sight of worry in his eyes and she stopped in front of him. “What's wrong?”  
  
Logan glanced at the floor briefly before meeting her gaze. He inhaled deeply, shaking his head. “I need your help, Veronica.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the familiar things becoming unfamiliar and then back again.

_**Then** _

The music in the bar was loud, too loud, the steady bass already giving Logan the beginnings of a headache just above his right eye. Still, he remained focused, his attention on the dark-haired guy standing by the closest pool table to the entrance. Almost a caveman brow, thick lips, jackass smirk. God, he hoped that kid looked like Parker, he wasn't going to be able to take that idiot's face for the rest of his life.

He blinked in slight shock at the thought of Parker and her child's stay being permanent and even more so at the fact that he wasn't exactly terrified. It was just accepted, it was his life now. He was going to remain on the straight and narrow because there was no other option now. Do or die. He was going to take this seriously, he had to. It was either continue to be a fuck up or finally do something worthwhile. He was going to be a good man.

_After tonight._

Parker had told him all about her ex-boyfriend during the many crying jags that occurred early in her pregnancy. An emotionally abusive prick who claimed she cheated on him when Parker was probably the most loyal person Logan knew. Monitored what she ate and questioned her intelligence- she was better than that- than him. She sure knew how to pick 'em. 

Chris Holtz pushed off the pool table and Logan watched as he made his way toward the back exit. Logan jumped to his feet, slowly following the man outside. He ambled behind Holtz as the man stumbled through the alley, waiting for Holtz to pick a spot on the alley wall to make his move. 

The man had barely unbuttoned his jeans before Logan had fixed a saccharine smile on his face, hopping on his toes. “Chris? Chris Holtz?” 

Holtz turned slowly, his eyes narrowing. “Yeah? What do you-”

Logan delivered a swift punch across Holtz's face, watching with satisfaction as he hit the wall and the blood left behind. He didn't wait for Holtz to straighten up before continuing his assault, hard and unrelenting blows. As Holtz crumbled, he added kicks and muttered curses, each hit getting harder remembering each insult Parker said he had thrown her. Stupid bitch, cunt, slut, he wasn't going to talk to another woman like that again, not with all that blood currently choking him.

He stopped abruptly, lowering his fist as he stepped back. The muffled music and Holtz's pained groans mixed with Logan's heavy breathing as he swallowed hard, waiting for his heart to slow down. His eyes narrowed as Holtz attempted to get on his hands and knees and Logan coughed, stepping forward. 

Logan pressed his foot against Holtz's neck, bringing him back down to the pavement. “You don't know me,” he muttered, digging in his back pocket. “And you don't know Parker Lee anymore. Understand?”

Holtz grunted painfully as Logan bent down, jerking him on his back. “Who are you-” his last word was cut off by a sharp groan as Logan yanked him to a seated position against the brick wall. 

“Doesn't matter. You're going to sign these papers right here,” shoving the folded up manila envelope in Holtz' face. The lawyer Keith had hooked him up with did good work. He supposed he could have let her deal with it but he found it more satisfying to do his own dirty work. “And she's out of your hair, got it?”

“What-” Holtz blinked slowly. “What's that-”

Logan pulled a pen from his coat pocket, clicking it and holding it and the papers out. “These are papers that are going to get Parker Lee out of your life for good. I'll give you some money and you _are_ going to disappear,” he leaned down, face to face with the very bloody man in front of him. “You _will_ sign them.”

Holtz shakily grabbed the pen. “Who are you? Did Parker-”

“Parker didn't send me, I'm a free agent,” he shoved the papers at Holtz. “Don't bleed on these or I will fucking kill you,” his lips pressed together impatiently as Holtz's hand hovered. “ _Sign. It._ ” he growled.

_**Now** _

“That was a long time ago. That's not me anymore.”

Veronica lifted her head, staring at Logan, who sat across the room on her bed. She kept at her place against the kitchen counter, running her fingers through her hair. Stunned wasn't the right word for how she was feeling at the moment. Neither was surprised. “Unfortunately for you, the law doesn't care if _that's not you anymore_ , Logan.”

“Hey, can you spare me the heat and just tell me what I'm looking at, here?”

Veronica's jaw clenched. “At best, you'll pay damages, serve minimal jail time or maybe just probation, Mia will probably be taken from you and you'll be restricted from having contact with her and possibly Parker. At worst, Mia will definitely be taken from you, you'll serve jail time, and Parker will probably get in trouble too.”

He smiled tightly, giving her a drawn out thumbs up. “You're a great help, Mars.”

“What the fuck do you want me to say, Logan?” she snapped, pushing off the counter. “You beat the shit out of Parker's ex in order to _force_ him to give up custody of his child, do you know how stupid that is? You are going to get _nailed_ if he goes to the cops.”

“He's not going to the cops, he doesn't want Mia, he wants money.”

Her eyebrows rose as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh, the money you initially paid him off with wasn't enough? That's odd. Why don't you beat him up again? I hear that's worked out for you once before.”

Logan glared at her, straightening up in his seat. “You must be so pleased, you were probably just _waiting_ for me to fuck up, weren't you?”

She could feel her shoulders tensing and she readied herself for the fight. “No, but you hitting people to get your way? It's super familiar, I had almost forgotten how dumb you could be.”

“This was years ago!”

“You keep saying that like it means something...”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay, if I had known this was going to be you dancing for joy over my current fuck up, I wouldn't have bothered.”

“No,” Veronica said abruptly, surprised at her own quick reply. “N-No. I'm just...this could get really bad, Logan. I'm not dancing, I'm just...” she trailed off, shrugging. “Worried. For you.”

He sighed, his shoulders drooping. He suddenly looked very tired, the severity of what was happening seemed to hit him right then. “He's willing to destroy Mia's life for seven figures, Veronica. I don't know what I'm going to do.”

Veronica froze at the quietness of Logan's voice then. “I need to think about this.” It wasn't a yes. It wasn't an offer to help. She had to properly assess the situation and decide if she could be of use here. 

That seemed to appease Logan some and he nodded slowly, his gaze locking on her as she walked over to the bed, pulling her pajamas from under him. He grabbed her wrist, his thumb running over her skin. “Veronica...I didn't mean to be ungrateful. I'm just really stressed. This could get really bad.”

She nodded, giving him a faint smile as she released her pajamas. “I get it,” she said softly. “Look, don't stress, nothing's even happened yet. Next time he calls, find out what he wants. How much he wants. We'll go from there.”

“I don't want you to do any detective work here, I just want legal advice.”

Veronica didn't respond, her lips pursing together at his words. Of course he would have to add that postscript, she hadn't forgotten that ill-fated drug bust, why would he? He held on when she tried to pull her arm away, and her breath caught as he brought her wrist to his lips. Of course he would decide now to be inappropriately romantic. “I said I'll help you, Logan.”

“I'm not doing this out of gratitude,” he murmured against her skin, “I'm going this because I want to,” he left one last kiss on her wrist before releasing her and climbing to his feet. “It's getting late. I should go.”

She followed him to the door, her fingers locked with his as his arm trailed behind. Loosely, but still secure, that hold wasn't breaking unless she pulled away. It was nice- it felt safe. “I guess it's futile to ask if you can sleep over...”

Logan glanced at her over his shoulder as he grinned. “If you have an itch you need scratched, just text me. We can pull a summer '06- what did we call it?”

The grin was on Veronica's face before she could stop it. The summer of sneaking around to have sex without her father finding out, although in hindsight, they probably weren't as covert as they thought they were. Handjobs in cars, 3am booty calls, getting Mac to cover for her- it was actually really fun. She missed that happiness...she hadn't known at the time that's what it was. Happiness. “The Big Buff. We were idiots.”

“You think we're idiots, you haven't seen me quoting _Peppa Pig_ with Mimi. You'll never fuck me again.” He either didn't notice or ignored the way her smile faded as he turned, wrapping his arms around her waist as he walked backwards. “I think your dad misses her, he called asking if she was coming for Thanksgiving.”

She smiled grimly, running her hands over his arms. “I think the Mars family impulse of playing with fire has circled to my dad once again,” her eyebrows rose in her best attempted at appearing relaxed. “He's going somewhere with Wallace's mom. Without Harmony.”

Logan frowned. “You think that's a smart idea? They used to date, right?”

“Yes. And it's about as smart as you and me in high school.”

He cringed slightly. “Ah. Want me to talk to him?” The question was stilted. Awkward. He didn't really want to but he was trying. It was almost sweet. 

“ _God_ , no. I just hope he isn't still holding on to feelings. It's been years. He can't be, right?” Her brow furrowed as she glanced up at him. “Right?”

“I don't think I'm the right person to judge.”

She smiled slowly as he stared down at her, her eyes closing briefly as he kissed her forehead. This, this was nice. She liked this. Was this them falling back into a relationship again? “You smell good,” she whispered.

“Yeah?” he smirked against her forehead. “You smell good, too,” he ran his fingers through her hair. “Look at us being pleasant.”

“Yeah,” she grasped his jacket, pulling him down for a quick kiss. “Go home before I make you stay.”

“Mm,” he grinned against her lips, kissing her once more. “That's not exactly a punishment for me...” he paused, his hands running down her back. “Or you could just come with me and sleep over. Since I'm already driving you around until you get a car-”

Veronica shook her head, pulling back slightly. “You don't need me around right now. Go hang with Parker and her kid.”

Logan's smile faded and he nodded, leaving a fleeting peck on her cheek. “Good night,” he whispered against her skin. “And thank you.”

She nodded, her fingers loosely clinging to his as he opened the door. “Let me know what's going on.”

When he was gone, Veronica picked up her laptop and bottle of beer from the counter, settling on her bed. She found herself writing a quick email, letting it flow out of her and refusing to delete. Deleting wasn't an option, she told herself firmly as she typed. 

_Wallace-_

_Don't ask how I got your email, you know better. I know it's been a long time and I suck. Long story short, I'm back in Neptune and working as a photographer, even though the siren call of the private eye sings. We'll see. I don't know how to say what I need to say and it won't matter anyway, so I will stick with I'm sorry. And I really miss you._

_Are you coming back to Neptune for Thanksgiving? We should hang if you want to._

_-V_

Like before, she sat for a few moments after hitting send, staring. Just staring. It didn't even qualify as lost in thought, she just stared at the email page. She wanted to feel something close to the tiny happiness she had felt at the sight of Wallace's text but it wasn't there, she couldn't risk hope and anticipation- what if he didn't respond? She couldn't dwell.

With a sigh, Veronica rolled on her back, resting her bottle on her stomach, her fingers running over the mouth. She can feel that familiar electricity buzz through her veins, the nerves, the shakes. This hadn't happened in months, it wasn't a welcomed return. She doesn't want to close her eyes. She doesn't even have Logan as a distraction. And so she lays still, perfectly still, waiting out the nerves. She doesn't even try to think about anything, she knew what thinking did when she was like this. 

Her hand drifted slowly to her phone, trying to will herself to call Logan before she gave up, setting her hand down inches from the phone. She didn't need to let Logan hear her anxiety. He was stressed out enough as it were and still watching her out of the corner of his eyes with caution. He wouldn't understand anyway.

God, it was times like this she wished she was still with her ex, he knew the breathing exercises, he wasn't an “are you okay?” person, he just took care of business in that firm, professional manner of his. His soothing voice. If she closed her eyes, she could see his serious face with the corners of his mouth curled up from one of her jokes. 

She can't close her eyes.

With a sharp intake of breath, she snatched up her phone, hastily searching her contacts and calling. Her jaw started to clench as she waited, and then-

“Hi, sweetheart.”

She exhaled, her eyes closing. “Hi, Garrison.”

Garrison Lloyd. Even after time apart, he was still a kind man. Loyal and trustworthy. Just as busy and driven as she was, but he was always open. Much more open. She didn't pine for him, not totally. She missed the moments of contentment and comfort he provided the times they were able to be together without a phone ringing or one out the door. She liked how she was still able to call him for sanity or relief from boredom or just to rant and he would take the call. He had loved her, and she wished she had loved him the same. He had deserved that. God, she had a lot of regrets.

“Hi. Are you busy?”

“About to go to bed,” and before she could respond, “Don't run, I always have time for you, even after months of no contact whatsoever. But I'm not bitter. Having the jitters again?”

He was a good friend.

She smiled slowly, sighing in relief as her nerves started to dull. “I'm okay, now. It's been a really weird couple of months. How's your mom?”

_**Four Years Ago** _

Logan's eyebrows rose as Mia teetered on her spot in the middle of the living room- the coffee table cleared out so she could practice her walking- her bare feet moving forward one step and her green eyes lighting up before she plopped on her bottom. He laughed, holding out his arms and she grinned, crawling to him. He glanced up at Parker, sprawled out on the couch above them. “She's hysterical, dude.”

“Isn't it weird?” Parker said, turning on her side and grinning brightly at the child smiling up at her. “She's one, she doesn't get what's so funny, and yet she sees us happy and is happy because of it? All we gotta do is keep her alive, clean and happy. Why did we think this was hard?”

He considered her comment as Mia crawled on his lap. The first year _had_ been hell. Trying to finish school while dealing with Mia and trying to find a place for them to live. While dealing with Parker, who had suffered silently with some depression until Logan noticed and got Harmony and Keith involved. It all worked out, though. He barely graduated, but he graduated. Parker got through her dark period and was now back to the Parker he knew and loved again. And Mia stopped shrieking and kept growing, and they stopped being afraid of her. Keith was right, it all worked out in the end. 

Logan even had to admit, moving out of the hotel was the best move. He had sulked at first but he really liked their place, even if the neighboring wives and moms were too friendly with him. The place was in the middle of Neptune, pretty much, and close enough to the elementary school for when Mia was old enough. Parker said she was going back to school when Mia started pre-K, and Keith actually got him a job at some new magazine as a writer. He pulled a favor and for that, Logan was kind of grateful. Of course, being the child of Hollywood actors didn't hurt, either. 

But it was all working out. He was actually being cautiously optimistic about the future now. 

“We're like a Hallmark movie,” he said, holding up a purple sippy cup. Mia whined and he shook his head. “No bottle.”

Parker's fingers appeared in his line of vision as she rubbed playfully at the top of Mia's head, who immediately looked up at her fingers. “When are you going to tell me about your first day? I'm stuck here, I need to live through you.”

He shrugged, glancing down at Mia as she started to blow raspberries. “It was boring. My cursed family name got me an office out the door, which pissed off some of the older robots. Met this dude who kind of followed me around.”

“What do you mean?”

“His name's Leon-something. Vega? He was like a puppy, really excited and hyper,” he sighed, leaning against the couch as Mia gnawed on his loosened tie. “He called the hot girls at orientation exquisite, I grunted, and he decided we were going to be the best of pals. The hallmarks of friendship,” he glanced over his shoulder at Parker. “Followed me around the whole day,” he droned.

Parker smirked, smoothing down the back of his hair. “You could use some friends.” She rolled her eyes as he stayed stubbornly quiet. “Anyway. See anyone you want to bone?”

Logan's lips pressed together tightly.

She had stood with a gaggle of New York City types during orientation, meeting his gaze when she had caught him staring at her. Thick, dark chin-length, curly hair, big eyes and full lips. She was gorgeous. And young. Not usually his type, but he shamelessly kept staring until a smiling guy who kind of looked like Weevil with better fashion sense had nudged him.

When he focused on her again, he was surprised to find her gazing at him. His brow had furrowed when she smirked at him before returning her attention to the front. He had watched her leave, eyeing her pleated skirt swaying over her bare thighs as she walked and felt something stir in him. During his lunch, which the smiling bald guy, Leon, had invited himself to, he had caught her loud laugh as she walked across the parking lot with her girl gang. He found himself looking for her out of the corner of his eye for the rest of the day which, of course, didn't work out in his favor as he didn't see her past that lunchtime sighting.

“Not really,” he mumbled. “Too many people running around, too much chaos, couldn't get a good look.”

Parker gathered herself on her elbows, smiling. “ _Well_ , I got asked out at Whole Foods. He wasn't even turned off by Mia.”

Logan lifted his head, staring up at her. “Yeah?” he asked, trying his best to seem nonchalant. “Who's the guy?” 

“Lucas. He seemed really sweet, he's apparently a firefighter and Mia smiled at him so that's a good sign, right?” She swung to a seated position, lifting Mia from Logan's lap and standing. “I hope you don't have plans on Saturday because I'm going out on a date and need you to watch...” she trailed off, her eyes and mouth wide as she broke into a grin, looking at Mia. “This pretty lady!”

Logan watched as Parker bounced Mia as she walked to the kitchen, his mouth curving down in displeasure as he reviewed Parker's news in his head. She was going out without him, and on a date, no less. Sure, they had both flirted around but neither had really dated since Mia was born. As strange as it was, he just never thought about it. It had been just the three of them and he was too tired and too busy to really think about dating. 

They had Mia, he had a new job, and Parker was going out on a date. He wasn't ready for this. He had grown comfortable- maybe too comfortable- with his little bubble. And now that was changing. He wasn't ready. 

With a sharp inhale, he jumped to his feet, walking to the kitchen. “Let's go to the beach for dinner tonight.”

_**Now** _

Logan’s eyes slowly opened, and he inhaled sharply, rubbing at his eyes. He licked his lips as he glanced to the side, spotting the tiny curled up ball that was his daughter buried in blankets. He tugged at his t-shirt, the bottom of it curled in her hand and she whined in her sleep, hitting the pillow with her head twice before falling back into a deep sleep. 

Parker padded into the room, bleary-eyed and her hair unruly as she flopped on the bed, resting her head on Logan's stomach. “ _Dude_.”

“Dude,” he repeated, resting his hand on her waist. “Good morning,”

“Morning.”

He closed his eyes as the A/C kicked on. “Not really complaining, but Mimi's not sleeping in her bed anymore?”

Parker rolled on her side, bringing her knees to her chest. “She is, she just missed you.”

“Hm,” Logan patted Parker's hip, carefully removing himself from his spot and sliding out of the bed without interrupting Mia. Parker took his place on the pillow, wrapping her arm around Mia and he squeezed her ankle before climbing to his feet. “I'm going to make coffee,” he muttered, taking the moment to stretch. “And shower. Then we have to get ready.”

Time to start the day.

He stumbled through the living room, tripping over a stray Barbie left on the floor. He glared at the offending doll for a moment before continuing his walk to the kitchen. There wasn't even the noise that came from kids playing and dogs being walked outside, no shouts or bells or barks. How early _was_ it?

He yawned as he prepared the coffee, glancing at the oven clock. 7:04am. 

With a sigh, he rubbed at the bridge of his nose before turning and walking back through the living room. His foot slipped underneath Mia’s jacket and he kicked up, catching it as it jolted up towards him. He tossed it to the couch, continuing his journey. He pushed open Parker's bedroom door fully before turning and making his way back to his bedroom and to the bathroom. Mia's presence was even there in the toys lined along the bathtub edge, insisting on bathing in the “big tub” even though the second bathroom was just a bit smaller than his. 

As he showered, he rested his forehead against the tile, running through the day. Drive to the in-laws, let Parker mingle and Mia play while he worked, try to somehow ease Veronica into coexisting with his kid, maybe Parker could help with that, go home, try not to think about the pink blackmail elephant in the room...

It'll be an easy day.

Parker was showering by the time he got out of his bathroom, he could hear muffled music over the water. Mia still slept, her hair poking out from underneath the comforter. She continued to sleep as he dressed, jeans and a sweater, wondering if Parker had set out Mia's clothes or if he had to do it. Then again, Mia could just pick herself...

He dropped on his elbows on the mattress, leaving several kisses on Mia's shoulder. “Wake up, Mimi,” he whispered. She whined and he rubbed her back firmly, trying to rouse her. “Come on, we gotta go see grandma and grandpa,” she swatted at his hand and he kissed her cheek quickly. “Hey, grandma said she was getting the cake pops for you.”

Mia slowly opened her eyes, grinning and Logan met her gaze, smiling back.

* * * * *

“And right there, Jude broke his wrist trying to be a manly man, climbing the tree,” Razia gesturing at said tree as she drove down the dirt path toward the Modi residence. The area was clearly one of wealth, sprawling estates and acres of land and luxury cars and tall metal gates.

Razia had spent the last fifteen minutes being a tour guide, showing Veronica sights accompanied with happy memories with her rich, beautiful family and her rich, beautiful friends and her rich, beautiful ex-fiance. Veronica listened politely, even feigned amusement, but she couldn't help but be envious. This woman hasn't had a day of struggle in her entire life. Razia giggled as she told Veronica about a “quick trip” to Paris on a whim, how a statuette of a naked woman ended up in the New York townhouse, how Logan's hoodie was still in Jude's Los Angeles apartment, forgotten after a two-day party. 

She was so used to her wealth, she had no idea how ridiculous rambling about her family's many houses sounded.

The work assignment was simple- take photos of the Modi family in their home. Natural photos, aside from the one family photograph together. Razia assured her it wouldn't take all day and she would drive her back to her apartment whenever she wanted while also adding her mother was insisting they stay for dinner. Somehow, Veronica didn't think she would have a say on whether she was staying or not.

Razia pulled into the stone pathway leading to the large Spanish-style house. The area was beautiful. At least a sprawling acre, fountain, lanterns, flowers everywhere. Paradise. Veronica recognized some shots of the house from Razia's files- Logan in sunglasses posing in front of the fountain, Razia in a bikini grinning brightly in a kitchen, Razia's sister Sonia doing cartwheels on the grass. Snapshots were now becoming real as she scanned the space around her.

A tall, beautiful woman with long auburn hair streaked with silver walked out, older but still recognizable as Penelope Howard, former international fashion model. She beamed happily as Razia turned off the car and rushed for them, her bare feet slapping on the stone ground. Veronica picked up her camera, readying herself for the shot. Penelope didn't wait for Razia to get out of the car before hugging her tightly.

“Hi, mom!" Razia said, her voice muffled by Penelope's sweater. She pulled back slightly, gesturing to the passenger seat. “This is Veronica, our stalker for the day! Veronica, this is my mom, Penelope Howard. Modi. It depends on how mad dad gets her.”

Penelope laughed, moving out of the way so Razia could get out of the car. “It's Penelope _Modi_ today, Veronica,” she said, her English accent like silk. “It's a pleasure, ZeeZee has told me so much about you.”

“All good, I hope!” Veronica said, stepping out of the car and taking Penelope's hand.

“Of course. Razia adores you, I'm sure today will be fun. Now, Randy- Mr. Modi- is working-” she said with a playful sigh, and the slight roll of Razia's eyes wasn't lost on Veronica, “But he promised to leave the studio by late afternoon. Sonali probably won't be in until tonight so you'll likely miss her unless you decide to stay over and don't worry, we would love to have you. Jude is inside....”

“Mom, Veronica knows how to shoot intimately, you don't have to set this up for her. Just be natural,” Razia smirked, nudging Veronica with her shoulder. “No posing.”

Veronica was taken by how warm Penelope's smile was as she laughed at Razia's comment, how she hugged Razia to her side as she shook Veronica's hand. How she continued to hold Veronica's hand as she talked, how openly affectionate she was. Penelope Howard-Modi was far more beautiful than she appeared in Lilly's old magazines from Celeste, age only seemed to deepen her good looks. She could see where Razia got her eyes and the way she laughed with her whole body. Penelope finally let go of Veronica's hand to hug Razia again and for the moment, Veronica was envious.

She decided to let the two have their moment, taking pictures of the house and the fountain in the pathway.

“We live an hour away, you still don't visit-”

“Mom. I'm busy, I work. At least you're not living in London anymore.”

Penelope frowned. “Yes, you have a point. When's Logan and my baby coming?”

Veronica lowered her camera, blinking rapidly. “What?”

Razia didn't seem to hear her, bunching up her hair on top of her head and holding it. “He said around one or two? Logan and Mimi...I think Parker's coming too, that's cool, right?”

“Yes! I love Parker. I'm so happy they still have such a good relationship, so many couples-”

“Mom.”

“ _What_?” Veronica tried again, her grip on the camera tightening.

Razia and Penelope both glanced at Veronica, and Razia grinned slightly. “Logan's coming to do the piece, you know that. And Mia wanted to see the family so he's bringing them along. No biggie.”

Veronica forced a smile, nodding quickly. She didn't know what her plan had been- wait it out? Hoping she could just avoid the pink elephant for the duration of their visit? She knew Logan was right, ignoring it wasn't going to make them go away, but she wanted to definitely try her damnedest. Well, this year wasn't going in her favor to begin with, what was one more ordeal?

“Well, if it isn't the prodigal child!”

Veronica turned toward the male voice as Razia squealed and rushed for the house entrance. Jude Modi grinned happily as Razia nearly jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly. Veronica captured the moment, continuing to take shots as Jude lowered Razia and the two began to engage in a very animated conversation.

“Two peas, since she was born,” Penelope murmured beside Veronica.

Razia pulled Jude down the pathway by the sleeve of his gray sweater, holding her hand out like a game show model. “This is Veronica! Veronica, this is Jude, my brother.”

“Her _older_ brother,” Jude corrected as their mother tugged at his hair lightly before moving into the house. He smoothed down his hair before hooking an arm around Razia's neck and holding his other hand out to Veronica.

Veronica caught the once over Jude gave her and wow, Jude was _hot_. Thick, wavy dark hair which came to his ears and big eyes like his siblings and the same mischievous mouth. Taller than Razia, with the same warm demeanor. He smiled at her politely and holy shit, he was hot. She had seen him in photographs but, he wasn't in many, sometimes only in the background. But like Razia, photographs only did so much for he was simply stunning in person. 

“Hi,” she said shortly, busying herself with her camera.

Jude blinked, glancing at his sister before turning back to Veronica. “You're a germaphobe?”

Veronica frowned, looking up. “Huh?” she glanced at his still outstretched hand and smiled, embarrassed, shaking his hand. “Sorry. I'm just...”

“ _Working_ , Jude. She's working,” Razia scolded, pushing him toward the house. 

There was a honk of a horn and Veronica turned, spotting Logan's car coming to a stop behind Razia's. Her stomach started to twist as Razia stepped forward, waving. This was happening sooner than expected. She didn't even bother to lift her camera up, swallowing hard as she attempted to gather herself.

“You're early!” Razia called as Logan climbed out of the car and he shrugged, walking to the backseat and opening the door. She tilted her head, squinting as she glanced at the passenger seat, and then waved. 

Veronica watched, feeling like an outsider as Parker appeared from the vehicle, grinning brightly as she was hugged by a running Razia. Parker, even more beautiful than she was in college, dark hair pinned up messily but still cute, and a screaming cacophony happened. 

Parker spotted Veronica over Razia's shoulder, her eyes widening. “Hey!” She let go of Razia, making her way to Veronica. “Veronica Mars!”

Veronica managed a smile. “Hey, Parker.” She allowed Parker to pull her into a hug, looking over her shoulder at the tiny human that climbed out of the car.

“You look great, it's been years!” She pulled away. “I guess Logan's told you about the Lifetime movie that is his life?”

“He sure has.”

“You must be so weirded out, don't worry, you'll get used to it.”

Mia Lee Echolls was all Parker in the face, clutching a stuffed dog as she grimaced in the sun. Logan bent down behind her, fixing her dress carefully. He pointed at Veronica as he spoke in her ear and Mia ignored him, flapping her dog's ears until he gently touched the top of her head, lifting her face in Veronica's direction. “This is my friend Veronica,” he said loudly. “Say hi.”

Mia waved at Veronica halfheartedly and Veronica forced a smile, waving back. The little girl turned her head, beaming at Razia. “Hi, ZeeZee! Where's grandma?”

Razia grinned at Mia, kissing the top of her head. “Let's go find her, she's been waiting for you!”

Parker squeezed Veronica's hand before following her daughter and Razia into the house. Before she did, she turned, pointing at Veronica. “We need to catch up!”

Veronica nodded, giving Logan a sidelong glance as he approached. The sleeves of his long, dark green shirt were stretched out over his hands as he motioned to the house. “Cute kid.”

It was all she could manage, really. Hearing that child call Razia's mother grandma, feeling the closeness and familiarity between everyone that wasn't her, having it drilled in her brain once again that everyone had moved on without her. That she didn't have a place here.

“We're keeping this neutral?” he sighed when she didn't respond, his thumb rubbing against her lower back as they moved in the house. “She thinks she's cute, too,” he continued with a grin.

“I wonder where she got that from...”

Logan leaned forward, his lips brushing over Veronica's cheek and Veronica found herself smiling and leaning into his touch. “Don't submit any pics of my kid with your finals, okay?” he murmured, patting her arm before walking past her into the Modi family kitchen.

Veronica's brow furrowed, unable to keep the confusion from her face as he eased into the loud, busy atmosphere. That was weird, she hadn't expected him to be so formal. She hadn't known what to expect, really. A kiss? A warm smile? Some sort of acknowledgment of them? Maybe she did. And why the hell had she been so eager for it?

The kitchen was busy with energy when Veronica walked in and she readied her camera, silently wondering how the hell she was going to get pictures without Parker's daughter in them. Parker and Razia were near the porch door, comparing Razia's brown sweater with Parker's purple one for some reason while Logan looked on, his brow furrowed. Penelope was busy hugging Mia while the cook busied herself around them. And Jude, Jude was seated on the counter, chewing on something as he caught her eye. 

Veronica smiled quickly before aiming the camera at him. To her surprise- and amusement- he leaned back, raising his eyebrows in a halfhearted pose. She lowered her camera and he grinned. “You think I'm not already used to this with those two?” he gestured at his mother and Razia. “Try to get me unaware.”

Logan turned his head at the sound of Jude's voice, his eyes narrowing as he spotted Veronica's smirk at Jude's challenge. He watched Veronica snap photos of the row of pictures above the entrance before eyeing Jude, who was busy trying to look like he wasn't watching Veronica. Huh.

“Veronica, I hope you haven't eaten because we're having brunch,” Penelope lifted Mia to the counter, kissing her forehead before helping the cook with a plate. “Do you drink?”

Veronica nodded, giving Penelope a smile as she snapped her picture. “Yes. I drink.”

“Excellent, we have mimosas.” 

Mia scrunched up her nose when Jude swatted at her hair, pushing his hand away. “Grandma, can we go see the swans later?”

Penelope smiled, giving Mia another kiss. “You can go with your mummy, darling, I have to talk to your father later for work.”

Veronica lifted her camera. “Can I walk the grounds?” It was easier this way. No accidental shots of Parker's daughter, no having to stand around watching this happy family environment. 

“Go on!” Penelope said, shooing her off. “Just stay away from the last door down the hallway- that's Randy's studio and we don't need to interrupt him while he's working.”

Razia snorted, taking a sip of her drink, which appeared to be juice and something else. “Yeah, it's not like his _kids_ are here or anything,” she glanced at Jude. “Have you seen him at all?”

Jude grinned slowly as he was put on the spot. “I've been here almost two days, saw him once,” he lowered his voice, dramatic and intense, “Passing by each other like two boats at sea.”

“We have guests,” Penelope gave the two a hard look before facing Veronica with a warm smile. “Please go on, darling. Brunch will be ready in ten minutes," she glanced at Razia. “Is your little boyfriend joining us?”

Veronica paused at the door, catching Razia's quick “No. That's over.”

She walked slower as she turned the corner, getting Penelope's “Logan, Razia told me you're friends with Veronica too? She's very nice.”

Logan's response was slow and full of hesitation and Veronica couldn't help the sting when he said “Yeah. We're friends. Just friends.”

That was enough for her and she quickly moved down the hallway, turning into what turned out to the sprawling family room. Everything looked expensive, from the couches to the huge television to even the coffee table. The furniture was a tan color but the room was colorful, the pillows and paintings on the walls bright. Pictures also adorned the ledge above the fireplace and the windowsills, artistic achievements proudly displayed. 

She slowly walked around the room, taking photographs of the paintings and pictures. She could easily distinguish which photos were taken by Razia and which were taken by her mother. Penelope photographed exclusively in black and white, Razia was less stringent. There were pictures of the siblings as children up until recently, from what she could see, the Modi siblings didn't go through awkward phases, which didn't surprise her. A lot of their parents as well, one frame held two photographs, one of Randy and Penelope in their twenties and one current, with same pose, his arm around her shoulders, hers around his waist.

One big happy family. 

On one table was a series of smaller photos, one of Logan and Razia at some event and dressed up nice and fancy, three of Mia at various ages, and one of Parker holding Mia. 

Those pictures made her uneasy. This family had fully welcomed Logan and his makeshift family, to the point that there were pictures of them in their family room which hadn't been removed after the break up. She wondered for a moment if they knew Logan's secret. 

Veronica moved out of the room and back into the hallway. Loud chatter and laughter was still coming from the kitchen so she walked past the entrance quickly, heading for the window at the end of the hallway. A table was right below the window ledge, and of course with photos. This family certainly wasn't camera shy.

She raised her camera to take a photograph of the fountain and stopped at the figure in her view. She bit back a smile as she spotted Jude's form in the window's reflection, pacing aimlessly in her vicinity. He lingered for a moment, looking around and scratching the back of his head. A seemingly rare moment of nerves, he didn't seem to know what to do with himself.

Finally, he seemed to gather some nerve, walking behind her and crouching down so his mouth was near her ear. “How are you doing?”

She shrugged, keeping her eyes on the table as she fingered a framed picture of the Modi siblings as children in front of a French cafe. “Your family's got a nice home.”

He grinned, staring at her face in the window. “Years of absentee parenting paid for this. And the London flat. And the Brooklyn townhouse. Sonia and Razia's places. My apartment in LA-”

She lifted her gaze, meeting his stare in the window. “Are you trying to impress me?”

“No,” his smile faltered faintly. “That's just what people say. Sure, your dad was never around, _but look at everything you have_!”

Veronica nodded, turning to face him fully. This was easy, he was making the talking easy. She had been nervous during the car ride and she wasn't really sure why now. “My mom ditched my dad and I, I get it.”

Jude shrugged. “I don't know...I think I would've preferred outright abandonment,” he said with a laugh. “There's something... _bittersweet_ about your dad being some mystical figure until your youngest sister turns five and he suddenly decides he wants to give a shit. I mean, I was already a teenager and Razia wasn't far behind, the damage was done. But he's trying, and he's been trying,” he paused, reflecting on his own statement. “And we had mom.”

“Penelope seems wonderful.”

“She _is_ wonderful,” he licked his lips slowly, shrugging once more and Veronica could see the gesture was a way to busy himself. “Razia told me what this project was for the magazine and we had a good laugh about it.”

She laughed, not knowing what else to do. While talking to him was easy, she hadn't expected him to be so forthcoming. “Why are you telling me this?”

Jude smiled a faintly pensive smile. “Photography has a tendency to show emotions you may not want the observer to see. It's just not something I want you to see when you look at the prints. At least this way, you can figure out a way to get the most heartwarming shots. Don't get me wrong, we love our dad, our family is really close now but we're also not really down with what the magazine is trying to _sell_.”

“Did Razia send you over here to tell me that?” she asked softly, growing uncomfortable with the way he was describing the Modi family way. It hit too close to home with trying to sell the powerful FBI agent for years when all she wanted to do was bury herself in her covers at her darkest moments. Putting forward an image because there's no other choice. No, she wasn't a public figure like this family but she could relate. Not that she would ever tell him, though.

He tilted his head, his nose scrunching up. “Conflict of interest. Out of her, it'll be unprofessional," a smirk formed. “Out of me, it's just bitter. I'll take one for the team.”

“ _Are_ you bitter?”

“No...” he trailed off as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “If I'm still going on about it tomorrow, an hour into dinner, then yeah, you can call me on it.”

Veronica found the words coming out before she could stop them and the boldness almost surprised her. “Is this you asking me out on a date?”

Jude appeared gobsmacked for a moment before he recovered, giving her a quick shrug of his mouth. “Now that you mention it...”

Veronica decided not to respond and lifted her camera, smirking when he allowed her to take a photograph. “See, that wasn't so bad.”

He nodded, tapping her camera. “Says the one stealing my soul...”

“Brunch is ready.”

Veronica quickly looked down to her camera at the sound of Logan's voice, almost feeling silly for the brief shame that coursed through her. “Okay.” 

Jude leaned in conspiratorially as Logan approached. “I would love to take you out to dinner,” he whispered, a grin forming as Veronica started to smile. He straightened up, winking at her before moving toward the kitchen.

Logan's gaze panned from Veronica to Jude, his eyes narrowing. He seemed to relax briefly when Jude playfully elbowed him as he walked past and he pushed him away. When Veronica glanced at him, he raised an eyebrow and her mouth pursed together. “What are you doing?”

Veronica shook her head. “What?”

He grinned, not knowing what else to do. She could recognize that face, it was the face he unconsciously made every time they were broken up and trying to be friendly. “You're getting really...friendly with Jude.”

She smiled tightly, feeling the tension in the hallway become nearly suffocating. She also recognized that overtly casual edge in Logan's voice. He wasn't happy. “He's easy to talk to. We're just talking.”

“Talking, flirting, tomato, tomatoe- aren't you here to work?”

Veronica raised her eyebrows at the sharpness of Logan's tone. Okay, he _really_ wasn't happy. “Are you jealous?”

“ _No_.”

“You sound _considerably_ jealous,” she shook her head, as if trying to rid some of the hostility between them. “Besides, what do you care? Unless we're completely alone, I'm your friend, aren't I? In front of _her_ family, I'm just your friend, _right_?”

Veronica paused, her lips pressing together after the words left her mouth. She definitely hadn't meant to say all of that. She hadn't meant to let it be known how much Logan's behavior and words bothered her or how much she had wanted him to acknowledge them as a unit. How important it was to be acknowledged as more than just his friend. Hell, she hadn't realized that was what she had wanted. 

He laughed nervously, his brow furrowing. “I didn't know you wanted to be exclusive-”

Veronica held up her hand, attempting to silence him. “Logan, we don't have to be exclusive. We really don't. But I just know you had no hesitation in calling me your friend-”

“You _are_ my friend.”

She ignored him. “And with Razia, you have to hesitate in labeling me after you find out she dumped her boyfriend, which is fucking bullshit. You say one thing and do another and don't think I'm going to be cool with that. I'm not taking scraps.”

Logan rubbed at his brow uncomfortably. “I just need to figure this out.”

“And that's perfectly fine, Logan,” she said, trying to keep her voice even. “You figure it out, I'm going to continue to talk to Razia's incredibly hot brother.”

He sidestepped in front of her as she tried to pass. “That's my _brother-in-law_ , Veronica.”

“No, he's not, Logan. This isn't your family,” she said, her tone icy as she moved past him as quickly as she could. 

_**Four Years Ago** _

“We're going to have a great time, man! Trust. Look at this place!”

Logan feigned a smile, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets as they came to a stop at the bar entrance. Halloween night, a costume got you half-off drinks. The bar was raucous and crowded, the bodies radiating a stifling heat Logan had almost forgotten. It had been years since he had been in this kind of environment. Strangely enough, even after Keith had given him permission to mix it up once more, he opted to stay in and watch TV or go to Keith's for dinner. He chose quiet over the familiar. Now the familiar was strange. 

He was slightly edgy. Parker's face when he said he was going out had stuck in his memory, along with her slightly surprised “oh.” She had wished him a good time but her excitement from seconds prior had depleted visibly, made even worse by the fact that she had half-assed a mouse costume with eyeliner nose, whiskers and dollar store ears to answer the door. She had even dressed Mia up as a rabbit and clearly, had thought they would answer the door for trick or treaters together. 

He hadn't even wanted to go out, for fuck's sake. He only agreed to it because Parker had gone out on that date weeks ago and he had been feeling cross about it ever since. For about a day after, she had managed to bring up Lucas several times and she was just elated he wasn't freaked out by Mia or even the fact that she was a single mom living with her ex. Deep down, Logan knew he should've been happy for Parker, she was lonely, she had admitted as much during the drive to Mia's doctor's appointment. He didn't know why he had expected it to be just them but Parker's date had thrown off his little safety bubble and he had swiftly agreed to go out with Leon to get away from Parker and his self-imposed awkwardness for an evening.

“So, your ex. Parker? Is she-”

Logan shook his head, stepping to the side as two Roman emperors pushed past. “No. She's off limits, man.”

Leon's protest was cut off by a cloud of glitter covering the two of them. Logan coughed, slowly brushing at the glitter on his white shirt as Leon laughed. He blinked, focusing on the woman in front of them. 

She was in a shiny pink fairy costume, obscenely tight where the tutu-type skirt didn't cover, glittery makeup on her eyes and her chest and arms. Big eyes and hair and nice tits. The girl from work with the stare and a wicked smile on her lips. She was, without a doubt, the sexiest fairy he had ever seen.

“Did you just glitter bomb us,” Logan managed, allowing himself a rather obvious once-over of her body.

The girl smirked as his eyes scanned her, lightly tapping both men on the chest with her silver wand. “Don't wear a costume,” she said, her eyes locking on his as she took a step back. “Get punished.”

And then she was gone, disappearing back into the crowd.

God, she was definitely punishing him. He wanted to talk to her and he sensed she knew that and made every effort to keep away from him. Or maybe it was all in his head. A couple of hours of staring at each other from across the room, from feet away, as he subtly ran his hand over her back as he passed her to order another drink, as she stared right at him as she sucked on her straw as her friend talked while Leon demanded he just fucking go talk to her, he had enough, finally approaching her.

He waited for her friend to get into her conversation with some guy in a Pope outfit, leaning against the wall beside her. “You work at Talk too.” Already, he was cringing inwardly, he had been better than that at flirting. He was so rusty, this was mortifying.

A slow smile formed as her straw rested on her lower lip. She didn't look at him, continuing to watch a shots game at the bar. “Is that an observation or a question?”

“Definitely an observation,” Logan gave her a sidelong glance. “I _definitely_ remember you.”

She turned her head, meeting his gaze. “Good.”

He grinned, leaning in. “Aren't you too young to be in this bar?”

“I am twenty-two, sir,” she reached under her skirt and he didn't bother not looking, catching a sparkly pink garter on her upper thigh as she pulled out her thin wallet and produced an ID, holding it up with a flourish.

The smile grew at her playful indignation, snatching her ID up. Fake, just as he had suspected. New York City ID. She even looked like a teenager in her photo, this bar's doorman clearly didn't give a fuck. “You couldn't even get a local fake?” he glanced at her name. “Raza. If that's your real name.”

“Give me a break, I'm going to be twenty-one soon. And it's _Rah-zee-uh_ ,” she intoned, plucking the ID from his fingers. “Razia. And that is indeed my name.”

He held out his hand and she shook it. “That's a name...”

“It means happy,” she said, releasing him as she slipped her ID back into her wallet and under her skirt. “Or secret, depending on who you ask. My mom says it means happy secret.”

“Are you someone's happy secret?” he laughed as her brow furrowed. That was also a pretty lame line but she didn't roll her eyes, she looked almost amused by it. “Are you with someone?”

“Do I _look_ like I'm here with someone?”

He nodded at a guy trying to discreetly watch them from a pool table across the hall. “He's been trying to get in all night.”

Her eyes met his. Challenging. “ _In_?”

Logan started to panic slightly. He knew that look, that stare that was seconds away from being followed by the cold shoulder. “He's been trying to chat you up. All night.”

“Like you?”

Okay, there was no way around it, he needed to fix it. He could see her beginning to ice over. An apology was going to have to do, he could do an apology- “Listen-”

Razia handed him her drink, frowning as she picked up her wand. “Where is your costume?”

He blinked at her question, watching as she adjusted the straps of her top. “I don't have...”

“I told you, no costume, get punished,” she sighed at his baffled expression before laughing. “You're taking too long, all the dudebros have already asked me to blow them right after the hello. I wasn't expecting you to try to have an actual conversation with me, I mean-”

Logan grinned at her bright smile, quickly becoming taken by it. God, she had been fucking with him. And she wanted to fuck him. He was definitely about to get laid if he wanted it and he absolutely wanted it. Dick hadn't been around as much since Mia was born but he had given him some blunt, if unhelpful, advice one night- _“You are stuck with that brat now so get laid, dude. By someone. Anyone.”_ Maybe it wasn't so unhelpful. 

He leaned forward, his mouth brushing over her ear and she froze, tilting her head up. “Would it be too bold to say I've been thinking about your body all night?”

Her fingers trailed over his belt, running the tip of her wand down his chest. “Yes. Maybe we should go somewhere.”

He exhaled sharply, looking her over, taking in her body and her mouth, imagining that body wrapped around him, that pink-stained mouth contorted in pleasure. “ _That's_ bold.”

“I like bold,” she bit on her bottom lip, a smile curling as she caught his eyes flitting down to her mouth. “So. Are you coming?”

Logan's fingers curled to her palm as she pulled gently. “Not yet,” he set down her drink on the edge of a nearby table as she started to lead him to the exit. He caught Leon's eye, who gave him a proud thumbs up, and he bit back the smile, following his new friend out into the cool night. 

She pinned him against the wall just outside the bar's door, ignoring passerbys and the doorman as she kissed him hard. His fingers dug into her hips and he inhaled sharply through his nose as she pressed her body against his, the star of her wand uncomfortably against his cheek. When she pulled away, he exhaled, licking his lips and tasting her lipstick as she grabbed his belt and led him down the sidewalk.

They ended up in his car in the open parking lot across the street. He was never more thankful for tinted windows and a spot near the back of the lot. She had reached over, snatching his keys out of his hands and messed with his radio before finding an old soul station and blasting it. She had explained for some reason there was a James Brown night like he actually cared.

Their first kiss was messy and clumsy and she laughed at the awkwardness of it so he did as well. This was easy, she was making it easy. She was playful and giggling as he pulled her to the backseats, feeling her skin, her body, her hair. She had whispered “don't stop touching me” before kissing him deep and he moaned as he sank back against the seat. It had been too long without some sort of physical contact. 

She kept her costume on, the skirt of her fairy dress bunched up over her waist. Her short hair kept tickling his face so he finally grabbed a handful, yanking it back. That appeared to turn her on more, her hips jerking out harder. His other hand clutched helplessly at her thigh as she gave him no mercy, rolling her hips against his. It was too difficult, it had been too long, he wasn't going to be able to hold out and that was mortifying.

“Hold on, it's been a while-” he breathed.

“Really?” she panted, her brow furrowing. 

He nodded and she grabbed at his wrist, leading his hand between their bodies and he didn't need to be told twice, rubbing as she cried out. His arm wrapped around her waist as she kept thrusting, feeling himself lose it. She kept her hand on his neck, watching intently as he groaned and he pressed his forehead against hers, not breaking eye contact. He didn't let her go, letting her move, trying to help her get there and when she did, he cupped at the back of her neck, holding her against him, shuddering as she moaned against his lips, her nails curling into his chest.

She smiled, licking her lips as she relaxed against him for a moment. “Fuck,” she said breathlessly, pushing her hair from her face.

He sighed, grinning as she leaned back, pulling the straps of her top up. He reached over, smoothing down her hair. The gesture was awkward, it was too familiar and intimate and he could see the way she paused when he did it. And so he quickly removed his hand, resting it on her thigh. “I'll take that as a compliment. I'll do better next time, I promise.”

“Who said there's going to be a next time?” she smirked as he stared at her. “Maybe. What's your name again?”

“Never gave it. It's Logan.”

She smiled, a relaxed one with none of the previous naughtiness attached to it as she held out her hand. “First impressions.”

He took her hand, shaking as he grinned back. “How did I do?”

“You clearly haven't flirted with a girl in a long time. But you're a great kisser, you look like you could be great in bed and I like your eyes,” she ticked off with a bright grin as she slid off Logan's lap, plopping down next to him. “Me?”

“You're amazing,” he said before he could stop himself, his smile fading as her eyes narrowed. “Just now, you were amazing just now.” Razia rolled her eyes, opening the car door and he grabbed her elbow, stopping her. “Wha- wait, where are you going?”

She tugged at his jeans, yanking them up. “My friends are going to start looking for me,” she grabbed his chin, kissing him firmly. “Thanks for the conversation. See you at work. Maybe.”

Logan blinked rapidly as she closed the car door behind her, leaving him alone. His head tilted back and he swallowed hard as he glanced at the car roof before glancing down at his shirt. Most of her glitter had rubbed off on his shirt and there was even some of her makeup too. 

All the familiar things becoming unfamiliar and then back again, and there was the empty disappointment of being alone after sex. The Talk offices were a big building, he was pretty sure he could avoid her without much awkwardness, that unfamiliar familiar was something he could recall pretty easily. 

He glanced at his cell phone. Almost one. He sighed loudly, starting to text Leon to tell him he was going home. 

_**Now** _

Barring her argument with Logan in the hallway, Veronica's time with the Modi family had been pretty easy and actually fun. A very kind, chatty and clever family, they were all quick with a quip or a warm smile. She could see why Logan probably had a hard time letting go. They were also all great with Parker's daughter, and the kid was clearly comfortable with running around the house and climbing on people's laps. Even Parker seemed very comfortable with them.

Razia's mother was just lovely, Veronica had to admit. She could see where the children got their sparkling personalities from. She was constantly warm, constantly making sure everyone was doing well. It made her slightly envious, her own mother had never been so eager. Penelope had been a popular model in her day, a photographer after her star had faded, but she could see how happy she was in a caretaker role. She loved to host, and clearly loved being a maternal figure- she took a seat next to Logan as they all ate brunch, taking it upon herself to help feed Mia even though both Logan and Parker were right there.

Veronica was also taken aback by how comfortable Logan was in the father role. Of course he was- why wouldn't he be? He had been doing it for the last five years- but it was a shock to the system. Silently watching Logan hold that tiny human, opening his mouth as she attempted to feed him some of her bacon, helping her with her cup of juice. There was a gentleness to the way he handled her, the way he gingerly wiped her mouth with a napkin and kissed the side of her head before taking a bite of his eggs.

She was glad she was seated on the far side of the table, to be honest. She didn't have to make small talk with Parker about the last couple of years or attempt to talk to Parker's daughter or deal with Logan's cold shoulder.

He had set up his phone on the table beside the plate of eggs, explaining to everyone it was for the piece only, and he will seek permission if wanting to put anything said in the feature. Veronica chose not to talk unless spoken to, unfortunately both Razia and her brother didn't seem to be comfortable unless everyone was talking and coerced her into conversation as often as possible.

The most curious moment happened about thirty minutes into brunch when Randy Modi finally strolled in, and it didn't escape Veronica how abruptly silent the Modi family became. She couldn't place if it were a surprised silence or a cold one, however.

Penelope finally smiled, holding out her hands toward her husband. “Well, it's about time, darling!”

Randy smiled a charming, genuine smile, the same wide smile Jude and Sonia had, moving around the long wood table and returning Penelope's embrace, kissing the top of her head. “My apologies, sweetheart. I got caught up.”

Penelope faced the table, inhaling with a smile, and Veronica knew another factoid was about to come up. She tended to inhale with a mild excitement or pride when speaking, almost like a peacock. “Logan, you can have the exclusive for the article- Randy is coming out of retirement. He's starting a new series!”

A frown played on Veronica's lips as she watched Parker grin and congratulate Randy as he picked up Mia for a hug and shook Logan's hand firmly. He had yet to greet his own children but he was fine to interact with Logan's makeshift family. Razia wasn't even watching, a tight smile on her face before she took a drink of her mimosa and Jude sat with his eyebrows raised as he chewed on his toast.

Perhaps she jumped the gun because Randy then turned his attention to his own kids, grinning brightly as he handed Mia back to her mother. “Look at my beautiful children!”

“I saw you yesterday,” Jude muttered before smiling and lifting his head. “Hey, daddy-o!”

Razia shot Jude a look before standing. “Hey, dad,” she met him halfway, giving him a tight hug. “We thought you weren't going to show.”

He kissed the top of her head. “Of course I was going to show,” he glanced over her shoulder at Veronica. “You must be Razia's friend, Veronica!”

Veronica paused at the label. She had expected assistant, coworker, or even associate, but not friend. She hadn't expected something so personal. She smiled, holding out her hand. “I sure am. Do you mind me taking some photographs of you later?”

Randy raised his eyebrows at Razia. “A go-getter like you, very good," he nodded, giving Veronica a warm smile. "Of course. Perhaps later in the afternoon? I just came to say hello before I went back to work.”

Penelope swallowed the juice in her mouth, waving her hand at him. “We have a sit down with Logan, do not forget.”

“Let's do it now, then,” Randy said simply, rustling Razia's hair as she scrunched up her nose.

Logan nodded, climbing to his feet and grabbing his cell phone. “Let's go.”

* * * * *

The trio were gone long enough that Parker's daughter had grown restless and so they took her outside and Veronica followed. She found herself waiting for Jude to join them but he stayed inside, helping the cook with the dishes. The front lawn was huge and perfect for kids to run around on or to have a huge party, which from Razia's stories, was something her family did often.

Veronica watched Razia being chased by Mia on the grass, unable to hide her faintly amused smile at the child's breathless shrieks. She was a cute kid, that Veronica had to admit. She didn't even seem particularly bratty, just very social, which, knowing Parker, wasn't all that surprising. Veronica lifted her camera, waiting for Razia to pass before snapping a picture of Mia. She waited, Mia stopped and brushed her hair from her eyes, and Veronica took another picture.

“What are you doing?”

Veronica lowered her camera uncomfortably as Parker took a seat beside her on the steps. “Taking pictures. Of Mia. For Logan. And you.”

A look of pure, happy surprise fell on Parker's face. “Aw, that's really nice, thank you!” she shifted in faint discomfort as Veronica nodded with no verbal response, glancing down at her camera. “How've you been?”

She smirked, giving Parker a knowing sidelong glance. “I'm sure Logan's told you...”

Parker frowned. “Vaguely. You left your job, came back home, now you're working with him at the magazine,” she turned to Veronica, grinning. “I'm shocked the FBI could be so boring but here you are!”

Veronica blinked in surprise before lifting her camera in an attempt at stalling. Once again, Logan chose to protect her dignity. He had too many chances to tell people the truth and yet he rewrote history to her advantage. Even though she was still kind of annoyed with him, she made a note to thank him later.

“That's pretty much it,” she said in faux cheerfulness, taking a photograph of Razia laughing. She glanced at Parker, who continued to stare at her with a tight smile. “Do I have something on my-”

Parker laughed as she smacked Veronica's arm. “No, I'm just surprised you're back! It's been years!” she exclaimed. “So, are you home for good?”

“Y-Yeah, I think so.”

Parker's smile faded slightly. “You think so,” she parroted flatly.

Veronica eyed Parker before focusing her attention on the camera. There it was, this was an interrogation. Parker forgot whom she was talking to. “For the time being.”

“Are you and Logan dating again?” Parker asked abruptly. At Veronica's stare, she inhaled sharply, giving a slight shrug of her shoulders. “Sorry for being blunt but he's being cagey with me and...”

Veronica laughed, embarrassed as she ducked her head. “We're...something.”

“Are you?”

Parker's eyebrows were raised and Veronica could see the horrid attempt at being casual. And after years of not talking, it was especially odd. It annoyed her. “How is this any of your...” she trailed off, laughing, unsure of what else to do. 

“Well, it kind of _is_ my business because we have a kid an-” Parker cut herself off, eyes closing as she openly cringed. “Okay. Let's start over,” she threw her hair over her shoulder, smiling. “Hi, Veronica! Long time no see! A lot has changed!”

The smile was on Veronica's face before she could stop it and she shook her head. “Parker...”

Parker sighed, glancing at the sky. “I'm sorry, Veronica, I'm just a bit edgy,” she rested her hand on Veronica's wrist, not noticing when she tensed. “I don't want another repeat of the last year. Mia has had a really hard time adjusting to the move and not having Razia around. We have to keep reminding her Razia can't come to the phone or on Skype or isn't going to be there on Christmas and I really need to know how I'm going to ease Mia into whatever it is you have with Logan since he's suddenly gone mute.”

Veronica didn't respond, staring at her. Oh God, Parker was actually a _mother_. She wasn't snooping or asking out of jealousy, she wanted to know out of concern for her child. She swallowed hard, shaking her head. “I guess we're friends? I'm sorry, Parker, I wish I could help you more.”

Parker's eyes widened as she leaned in. “Wait, so you're just fucking? I thought Logan was being avoidey because he didn't want it to be _awk_ in front of the Modis.”

Veronica smiled grimly. “If that's what he's doing, I really wish he'd fill me in,” she glanced at Parker before climbing to her feet. “I have to go take more photos...for work.”

“Oh! Yeah, totally!” Parker looked up at her, prim with her hands on her lap. “All awkwardness aside, we should really catch up. I understand now my breakup with Logan was all his fault so we should totally be friends again!” She gave Veronica a proud smile. “I kinda rehearsed what I wanted to say in the car.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “It's fine, Parker. We'll talk later. It's really nice to see you.”

Moving back inside the house, Veronica gasped as she nearly bumped into Razia's father. He almost dropped his tea and she steadied the cup at the same time he did. “I am so sorry!”

Randy shook his head, giving her that dazzling smile which seemed to run in the Modi family. “You're fine, Veronica.”

She held up her camera. “May I?”

“I'm actually heading back to the studio, I'd prefer not to stop.”

Veronica was taken aback by his tone- it was friendly but there was an underlying bluntness to it, almost cold. To the point. Polite, but there was no room for protesting or convincing. There was an inkling of what Jude had alluded to earlier, she wasn't even sure if Randy knew what kind of demeanor he was giving out. “Okay, that's fine,” she said with a weak smile. “Maybe later?”

“Perhaps,” he nodded at her cordially before walking down the hall. 

That was a no. She didn't need years of FBI training to figure that out.

Finding out the house sun room had incredibly thin walls, however, was found out by complete accident. She had walked around, taking pictures of pictures and paintings, maybe hoping to run into Jude, looking for Penelope for a portrait, when she stopped just before the glass doors of the sun room. She could hear both Logan and Penelope, their voices muffled in the narrow hallway. 

“I apologize for Randy. You know how he gets when inspiration strikes...” There was Penelope's breathless tone again.

“I know. We can stop now if you want and I can call you tomorrow to finish? It's not a big deal, I can interview Razia and Jude individually, Skype with Sonia, cut it together to make it seem coherent and like you all were in the same room.”

It was odd, hearing Logan all professional-like. He was altogether in business mode as he arranged an appointment time with Penelope for tomorrow as Penelope continued to apologize.

“I know I've asked often today but,” Penelope's voice had risen slightly and Veronica could recognize it in Razia's voice when she was uncertain about whatever she was talking about. “But how are you really?”

“Mom.”

Veronica paused at the jolt in her at Logan's voice. That, that was something she never, ever expected to hear.

“I'm _fine_. I promise.”

“Do you want me to talk to Razia?” And then over his protests, “She's acting foolish over this, I'll just talk to-”

“Penelope,” Logan's voice was firm, almost aggravated. Frustrated. “Mom. It's been almost a year, it's not happening. I am fine-”

“Randy and I separated for over a year as he went to Dubai to find himself and I worked in Paris. Soon after, we reconciled and now we have JuJu-”

He laughed. It wasn't a particularly amused one, more baffled. “One, you said Jude wasn't planned-”

“But he was the best thing that happened for us at the time-”

“Two,” Logan continued quickly. “I can't reconcile with someone who doesn't want me. The police usually arrest people for that.”

“Razia _loves_ you, Logan. She just needs a push. I'll talk to her.”

“Don't,” Logan's voice was sharp and panicked now. “Don't. The last thing she needs is a push. You know that. Just leave it alone.”

Veronica's eyes closed momentarily, her grip tightening on her camera. It seemed like every fucking thing was working against her and Logan today. A part of her wished Logan hadn't even shown today, she could have lived in delusion a bit longer. 

_*** * * * *** _

Logan smiled slightly as he watched Veronica make a crack about politicians which had Penelope doubled over in laughter, effectively ruining her pose. Veronica seemed at ease with Penelope for the most part as she took portraits of her in the house's family room. Logan could say he was enjoying snooping on this session more than he was at the Jude one, where Veronica blushed and smiled entirely too much for his liking. 

He enjoyed this, just watching Veronica like this. She wasn't tense like she had been earlier, she hadn't noticed him, and her guard was down. He liked seeing her smile. 

“What are you doing?”

Logan glanced over his shoulder at Razia's whisper, nodding at the room. “Your dad won't let me watch him paint,” he murmured, turning his gaze back to Veronica and Penelope. “So I'm watching other artists work.”

“ _Ah, je vois_..” Razia pinched Logan's arm, getting his attention. “I was talking to Alisha in editing...you told people we met at a mutual friend's Halloween party? Instead of that shit bar?”

Logan shot her a look. “Hm, what would have sounded better in People magazine and at the wedding? The son of two Hollywood actors met the daughter of influential artists when their eyes locked at a festive party. He was uncharacteristically nervous but approached her and the whirlwind romance led to the most romantic and emotional wedding at Catalina Island.”

He leaned back against the wall. “ _Or_ ,” he lowered his voice, and her eyes narrowed. “The son of a murderer and a drunk and bitter daughter of a neglectful father fucked in the backseat of the fuck up's car after about five minutes of talking, were fuck buddies for a couple of weeks until they decided they liked each other enough to try out a relationship, fell madly in love-”

“Okay, I get it,” she interrupted. The irritation faded as she began to smile. “I think the real story was kind of romantic in a modern way...”

His smile faded slightly. “My feelings for you were always genuine. I really just wanted to talk to you before we fucked in my backseat.”

She laughed slightly, lowering her head. “Ditto,” she paused, glancing up at him from between strands of hair. “You're pretty close with Veronica, what's going on with her and my brother?”

Logan's brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“He asked me for her number, he said he wanted to surprise her,” her eyebrows rose as she continued in a quiet voice as to not interrupt the portrait session. “Is that happening? Kinda incestuous...”

He let out a breathless laugh. “She's my- my ex or whatever, you think he would do that?”

Razia shrugged. “It's not like you're dating...” she trailed off and he could've sworn she paled slightly. He definitely caught the brief turn of her mouth. “ _Are_ you dating her?”

He fought the urge to snap at Razia, turning his attention back to the room. “Where's my kid?”

“Seeing the swans with Parker,” she was silent for a moment, watching his back. “So are you-”

“No. Yes. What do you care?” he whispered, turning his head to her. “You're leaving.”

Logan's eyes closed as he listened to Razia walk off without another word. Immediately, the guilt, and the need to apologize hit. He hadn't meant to snap at her, hadn't even meant to be rude about it just hadn't been the best of days. All he wanted to do was go home with his family and watch _Frozen_ for the ten thousandth time, not be suffocating in this house of memories.

He wanted to go apologize to Razia, or to find Parker and Mia, go hang out with them and have it easy for at least ten minutes. Instead he remained still, watching a lingering piece of his past and present mixing it up with a future he'll never have. No more maternal figure, no more Christmases with a huge family like in the coffee commercials, there was just uncertainty and fear.

He'll make it work. He still had Parker and Mia, for now. He still had Veronica, for now. Still had Keith and Dick and the rest. He could make it all work.

With a sharp intake of breath, he turned, shoving his hands in his pockets as he made his way to the kitchen.

* * * * *

Veronica didn't know what she was thinking, agreeing to let Logan drive her back into town. At almost seven, she tapped out on the family festivities and Razia was offering to take her back when Logan chimed in, ready to go. Maybe catching fireflies and talking and drinking on the patio wasn't everyone's idea of a good time. Penelope had given her a strong hug and thank you, which was surprising, and Veronica promised to email her the negatives for her collection, which seemed to please her.

The almost forty minute drive was horribly silent and awkward. Logan hadn't even turned on the radio, he was just letting them both sit there. She was sure she wasn't giving off the most welcoming of vibes by sitting with her arms and legs crossed, but that had never stopped him before. 

Finally, she decided to break the ice. “Thanks for driving me.”

“No problem,” he said coolly. “When are you going to get a new car?”

“Hoping dad can drive me tomorrow to look at some used cars.”

“Ah,” he inhaled deeply, switching lanes. “So.”

She glanced at him, shaking her head. “So...”

“You're going on a date with Jude, huh.”

She smiled primly. Of course he had heard her conversation with Jude in the kitchen a bit before they left. He wanted to take her out to dinner, something fun. She could have used some fun and agreed. Logan had been especially frosty with her since, and now she knew why. “We're just friends, aren't we? I'm allowed to accept a date since we're _just friends_.”

His jaw clenched. “I can't believe you're still mad about that, I didn't even know you wanted-” he cut himself off when she chuckled dryly. “Do whatever you want.”

Veronica rolled her eyes, turning to face him completely. “What's your problem?”

“What's my problem? What's your problem?” he snapped back, shooting her a glare. “You're mad at me because of some miscommunication and then you go out with my fucking _brother-in-law_ -”

“He's not your brother-in-law!” she said sharply. “That would require you being married to his sister, which you are not, and I can date whomever the fuck I want-”

Logan clutched the steering wheel tight. “Do you want to fuck him?” 

“Excuse me?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You heard me, Veronica.”

Veronica glanced down at her lap, shaking her head. “Maybe I do. And if I did, it doesn't matter because we're not together, are we? That's what you want, isn't it? I'm allowed to fuck-”

“Of course you're allowed to _fuck_ whomever you want,” Logan interrupted, his voice dripping with a barely contained vitriol. “But fucking forgive me for thinking this specific _fuck_ is kind of pointed and personal. You didn't have to pick someone close to me, Veronica.”

“This has nothing to do with you, Logan!” she exclaimed, feeling the anger in her growing. “I didn't pick him because he was close to you- I picked him because he was nice and funny and actually wanted to _be around me_ in public. He didn't fucking act like he was ashamed to be seen with me-”

“I am not ashamed to be around you!” he exclaimed before inhaling sharply. “I'm driving, let's talk about this later.”

“No, we're talking about this now!” Veronica said through gritted teeth. “We're talking about this now since you decided to bring it up. I am sick of fighting and doing things on your time, and I am sick of you!” she said, her voice rising. “I am sick of your games, your hot and cold bullshit- everything out of your mouth is bullshit!”

Logan's body jerked in Veronica's direction for a moment before seeming to remember he was in the driver's seat and he turned back to the road. “I'm bullshit? I'm _bullshit_?” he repeated and she felt her entire body stiffen at the complete lack of restraint in his voice, the semblance of rage there. “Tell me what you fucking want! Do you want a relationship? Did you just want to fuck around? What, am I just a fucking dildo for when you need to feel better about yourself?”

Veronica laughed, not knowing what the fuck else to do, hitting her lap with the palms of her hands. “It doesn't really matter what I want because you clearly want something else, Logan!” 

He breathed out a chuckle, shaking his head and muttering something under his breath. Her eyes narrowed and she tilted her head, glaring at him. “Yes?”

“Why would I want this, Veronica?” he said, his voice shaking and unable to lower itself to an appropriate level. “You haven't even attempted to get to know Mia, you keep avoiding it and her and us and she's fucking important to me, okay? I keep trying and trying and you keep pushing me away- you have nightmares and you think I don't see you counting to ten and shaking? Why won't you let me help?”

“Yeah, you'll be amazing help, what with the whole blackmail situation.”

“Knock it off!” he barked, making her jump. “Stop the smartass comments- I'm telling you your fucking indifference to my fucking family is hurting me and do you even care?”

She faced him, her hands clenching into fists. “Do you care? You can't even admit we're involved in something, especially not when your ex is around- do you know how much you make me feel like crap?”

“I didn't mean to, Veronica!”

“But you did.”

As the car stopped at a red light, Logan faced her, pure anger in his eyes now. “All I know is that you're basically fucking this all up. You won't make an effort with my kid, you're going on this date and I can't fucking believe I'm here with you, arguing about this.”

Veronica blinked, staring at him. “All of this is my fault? It's _my fault_?” her voice rose to a shout as Logan started to drive again. “Do you know what a jackass you are? If you want to be with me, then tell me! Don't go all Jekyll and Hyde and expect me to just put up with it!”

He shook his head, his jaw clenching. She could see his hands shaking on the steering wheel. “I can't even fucking look at you.”

“Good, 'cause I don't want to look at you either,” she crossed her arms over her chest. “Drop me off at my dad's, I don't want to even be around you.”

As Logan pulled up in the Sunset Cliffs apartments, Veronica gathered her things hastily for a quick getaway. She didn't need to get into another screaming match in front of her father's apartment. When he pulled to a stop, she jumped out of the vehicle, resisting the urge to bitingly tell Logan to enjoy the rest of his family get-together. As she slammed the door shut, Logan sat for a moment as she stomped to the door before speeding off. 

Veronica swallowed hard, started to knock and was surprised when the door was flung open and her dad greeted her with a huge smile. “Hey.” 

Keith grinned at Veronica, holding up his hands. “Check your old man out!” he coaxed her to the parking lot. A few steps, and they were in front of a shiny, relatively modern black LeBaron. “I know you were having car problems and you don't want to tell me anything but Logan did so-” he rapped the hood with his knuckles. “It's not the newest model like your boyfriend's, but...”

She sighed, walking over to her father and hugging him. After her day, and the fight, and her quick run-in with the complete opposite of her own father, she was never more grateful. Yes, she had her problems with her father, but he was the best she could ask for. He was always there. It was invaluable and she was just so happy to have him. “Thanks, dad,” she whispered. “I'll pay you back.”

“Eh, don't worry about it,” he grinned, rubbing her back. “Consider this a seven years late Christmas present since those dvds and appliances were easier to ship than a car. And thank your boyfriend, he got us a nice deal.”

She inhaled painfully, shaking her head. “Logan's not my boyfriend. But thank you.”

Keith's smile faded and he glanced down at her. “What?”

“I don't want to talk about it,” she mumbled, hugging him tighter. “Thank you so much. I'll pay you back, I promise.”

“I'm sorry, honey,” he murmured against her hair. “Want me to talk to him-”

“No. We need some time apart,” she was silent for a moment, thinking about the fight and Razia's own parents, how the complete warmth of her mother outweighed the coldness of her father and how much Veronica could relate, even as she envied the relationship Razia had with her mother. But she had nothing to envy, did she? She had her father. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he looked at her, his brow furrowing in concern. “Are you sure you're okay, Veronica?”

Veronica gave him a weak smile, nodding. “I am. Can I sleep over tonight?”

Keith nodded, leading Veronica to the apartment. “You don't even have to ask, daughter of mine.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The night's still young...wanna go for a ride?”

Veronica allowed herself one moping day. She stayed home. Listened to depressing music, lay in bed, curled up on her tiny couch and watched television. Pouted and checked her phone for calls to ignore. Even though the rage told her to just tell Logan Echolls to fuck off and leave her alone forever, she wasn't ready for revenge, she just wanted to be left alone.

She couldn't shake their last interaction from her memory. They were actually screaming at each other. It had been years since they had both done that, at the same time. This wasn't just an argument, it was a _fight_. She could make the deduction that Logan's sudden and puzzling anger was a result of feeling more for her than he let on, but she refused to let him slide. If that was the reason, he was going to have to tell her. Until then, it was over.

What exactly was over? The sex? It wasn't like they were actually dating, even if they were doing more “datey” things. They were talking more, joking around more, becoming more affectionate. Kissing more, holding hands more, just days before he had trailed off in conversation as he stared at her. It had felt weird but there were also butterflies, a fluttering shut of eyes when his fingers pushed her hair from her eyes. She hated to admit it at that moment but something _had_ shifted in their relationship, even if they hadn't acknowledged it. 

Maybe they should've talked more and stopped letting other parts of their bodies fill that silence. 

Veronica wasn't going to dwell beyond that day, though. She wasn't going to sit there and actually pine for someone who didn't want her and who actually treated her like crap. That wasn't who she was going to be. He was going to have to work for it this time, for anything resembling a relationship, whether it was friendship or romance. Even through all the emotions swirling through her, she knew she was one hundred percent done.

Such freedom and enlightenment should've made her feel lighter. Instead, she just felt that all-too-familiar, dull ache. No, she wasn't dead inside as she had thought for years but maybe it was preferable in times like this, armed only with liquor, junk food and spurts of anger. A part of her was even pissed off that Logan hadn't even tried to call to apologize, and so she drank and cursed his name some more.

In the middle of hour five of her _Breaking Bad_ marathon, her phone buzzed with two texts. She glanced at the time- 9:42pm- before frowning at the unrecognizable number, opening up the messages.

_Is it incredibly pathetic to tell my mom my little sisters are being mean to me?_

_IDK I think a date with you might make me feel better about the girl gang next door._

Veronica bit on her lower lip as she started to respond. She got the feeling Jude the Flirt was a talker and even though she wasn't, it was something which had suddenly began to look appealing.

**_Three Years Ago_ **

Veronica blinked slowly before shutting her eyes, the bright artificial light too intense. She felt like she was drowning, her vision blurry, her body felt almost numb, she didn't feel like herself. Her head hurt. Among the laundry list of confusing aliments was the needle sticking out of her arm, the nasal cannula, the beeping, the pulse oximeter, the pain...

Her eyes opened slowly and her gaze shifted to the side, catching the tall man slouched in the chair by her bed, his phone loosely held between his thigh and fingers. Garrison Lloyd, her on-off boyfriend of a year, currently on for the last four months. She remembered that, that was good. 

“Hey,” she managed, blinking back the room light. Her voice came out a rasp, the mere gesture hurting her throat. She licked her lips with a dry tongue- she needed water- and inhaled sharply through her nose, trying again. “Gary.”

He didn't move and she shifted painfully, gasping at the sharp ache from her ribs. “Garrison-”

Garrison finally stirred, his motion abrupt as the sound of her voice seemed to slam into his senses. He straightened in his seat, his eyes widening briefly at the sight of her. “Hey,” he said softly, reaching over and taking her hand. “There she is,” he said to no one in particular with a warm, if noticeably shaken, smile. “Hi, baby.”

“Water-”

He picked up the yellow plastic pitcher from the table, pouring a bit into a cup. The first sip was hard but then she was gulping it down, only stopping when the sharp ache hit her ribs upon inhale. She nodded quickly and he took the cup away as she caught her breath, setting it down on the table before taking a seat beside her. They sat in silence for a moment, Garrison's hand on her forearm, his thumb tenderly running over her skin. 

Veronica looked down at the pulse monitor, lifting her finger. “Kind of a stupid question, but where am I? Location.”

“Virginia. You've been in and out since Wednesday. Doctors said you had a concussion, in addition to the broken ribs and wrist,” his thumb stilled. “You also had some internal injuries, they've been sedating you because you tried to leave the hospital before they could treat you.”

Her brow furrowed as she stared down at the cast on her right forearm. “I-I don't remember.” That was true. Everything was a fog after the incident. She must have passed out from the pain since she woke up in the ambulance. After that...nothing. Garrison was supposed to be at a meeting in New York, and yet he was here. She was the reason why he was here instead of doing his job. He had been excited for the meeting, it was a great opportunity...and he was here with her. For her. 

Just as the guilt began to seep in, a swift panic hit her and she attempted to sit up. Her body came alive in pain over the fog of medication and she fell back on her pillow. “My dad. You didn't call my dad, did you?” she felt for the wires, readying herself to yank the needle from her arm and Garrison's hand firmly set on hers, stopping the violent act. “Did you call my father?”

“Of course not, I don't even have his number, Veronica,” Garrison said softly, the concern dripping from his voice. He was worried, she needed to relax. “I was actually surprised you put me as your emergency contact,” he paused, a smile twitching on his lips. “Our superiors know we're dating now, by the way.”

She forced a weak smile. “What, they didn't realize who _G Lloyd, partner_ was? The FBI is so overrated.”

“There's many _G Lloyds_ in the world, dear.”

The smile faded from Veronica's lips as sudden, tired tears began to well in her eyes. “Can we go home?” she asked him softly. “Take me home, I don't want to be here.”

Those were good, mature words. Saying 'I want my daddy' probably wouldn't fly as appropriate agent speak. She didn't want to worry him, not with what happened, not with what she had to do, but she still wanted his comfort. She wanted him to tell her everything was going to be okay, everything hadn't changed. 

Regret filled Garrison's eyes, the look of having to disappoint someone one loves. She knew that look all too well. “Babe, you know we can't go home until you talk to...” he trailed off, glancing down at his hand on hers briefly. “Do you remember anything?”

Veronica blinked, buying time by swallowing. Of course she remembered. What came after was a blur but she definitely remembered picking off Gorya's men. And Gorya. That, she couldn't take back. There was no magic rewind button. Oh _fuck_. The memory made her stomach churn and she pressed her lips together, shaking her head and trying to rid herself of the memory.

“Nothing?”

She froze, looking up at Garrison. “They attacked me,” she whispered. “And I protected myself.”

He nodded slowly. “Cut and dry, right? Bastards.” He gave her arm a squeeze before standing. “How are you feeling? You want to rest for a bit? I can hold off on calling-”

“No, call them,” she cleared her throat the best she could, trying again. Stronger this time. “Call them. I want to go home, I don't want to be here anymore.”

As Garrison nodded and walked out of the hospital room, cell phone in hand, Veronica began to realize with an ice cold dread she didn't know if she meant home was her apartment or Neptune. If _here_ was the hospital or Virginia, the FBI, this life. The dread, the realization was a quicksand, quickly rising too close to her neck, ready to suffocate her. 

She blinked rapidly, resting her head on her pillow and watching Garrison's back as he spoke on the phone. It was nothing, this was nothing. The nerves was an aftereffect of the trauma. She would do her meetings, rehabilitate, get back to work. This was nothing, she had surely been through worse. 

This was nothing. 

**_Now_ **

Veronica stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, combing her fingers through her hair. She went simple for this date- form-fitting crimson sweater and black jeans. She put on her favorite boots with heels, just to give her some height, and light makeup.

Expectations weren't high for this one. The thirty year old only son of the Modis was overly nice and flirty, she wasn't expecting anything different now. She wouldn't set herself up for anything, fun was the only objective. Their last physical conversation and subsequent texts were short and playful, the last being where and when their date would be.

He chose the boardwalk, which was surprising. Yes, there were restaurants and bars, but she had expected something more...formal? Dates for her were usually restaurants and she had expected someone of his background would've been more fancy. From his date choice to his “I'm here!” text, this was clearly going to be a casual affair and she started to relax.

Jude's car- a black Mercedes- was idling right in front of the building when she walked outside. Headlights on, she could hear the locks click open as she approached. It was a beautiful car, one she was sure Logan would openly admire if he were there. And as soon as she had thought it, she regretted it, annoyed with herself for even sparing Logan a precious thought.

Veronica whistled as she climbed into the Mercedes, trying to ignore the racing of her heart when he gave her a subtle once over. “Nice car.”

“Nice everything,” he countered, gesturing at her body. “I like the sweater.”

She bit back a smile, knowing what that meant. That was guy speak for 'I like your tits in that sweater.' Still, he didn't stare and was polite about it. “Thanks. Did you have a hard time finding the place?”

“Nah, GPS is a gift,” he smiled at her, shifting the car into drive. “Show me how you Neptune folks have fun.”

She cringed playfully. “I don't know...our idea of fun is a bit on the seedy side.”

Jude gave her a sidelong glance and a smirk. “Sounds promising.”

She turned her gaze to him, a slow smile growing on her face. She was certain he wasn't interested in anything at all seedy in any part of Neptune, but for the night, she could pretend they ran on the same side of the tracks.

* * *

Veronica grinned, taking a swig of her beer. “I've never seen anyone be so passionate about hot dogs before.”

Jude swallowed, shaking his head. “I was a ten year old being dragged around dad's galas and being forced to eat caviar and celery and hummus- franks are _soooo_ unhealthy, it's great. You think this place has salsa? We need some with the fries, it'll change your life.”

An hour and two servings of hot dogs, fries and beer in, and Veronica could safely say she was having a great time. Jude was an amazing talker and listener, and he wasn't about being serious all the time and had the same carefree demeanor of the rest of his family. It was just a nice change of pace, to talk to someone so genuinely good-natured. It was the complete opposite of her own demeanor and she hoped some of his rubbed off on her.

The boardwalk was busy around their outdoor table at the tiny burger joint he picked out. Right by the beach and under some swaying lanterns, it was quite atmospheric and what she'd bet Logan's mom would've called “quaint.” Families and groups of friends walked about and yet Jude's gaze managed to always find hers after moments of scanning passersby.

She laughed, Jude's pure joy becoming infectious as he took another bite. “You were deprived, you poor thing.”

He gestured at her with a fry. “You know what my weakness is? Candy bars. Mom said they were too processed so now I crave them all the time. My teenage rebellion was lame.”

Veronica picked up a fry from the large plate they were sharing. “What do you do for a living?”

“I direct," he said after taking a drink. “Mostly fashion shows, it started as an actual job to get dad off my back but I actually enjoy it. I've started to dabble in music videos, I will have got four under my belt by next year.”

“Anyone I would know?”

“I don't know. You know alt-J? That's my biggest one. I'm doing FKA Twigs next month.”

She smiled slowly. “I know the first one, not the second.”

Jude leaned in. “You will, I'll email you some dailies,” he paused, wiping at his mouth. “You'll have to give me your email if you're actually interested,” an almost self-conscious smile graced his features, then. “You don't have to be interested, we're just bullshitting-”

“I'm interested!” Veronica said with a slight laugh. Her smile faltered when he met her gaze and she quickly looked down to her plate. “I'm interested.”

He leaned back in his chair, winking at her. “Good.”

She straightened up in her seat, wanting to fill the threatening silence between them. She wasn't comfortable enough yet to just sit in silence with him, she didn't know him well enough. “I noticed at your parents' place...you guys seem really, really close.”

Jude licked his lips, lost in thought as he nodded. “We _are_ close. We're very close and protective of each other, so if we love you, you're golden.”

“Like the mafia!”

“Hah, yeah. You don't mess with our family, ask Guillaume Tête,” he stood, wiping at his hands with his napkin. “I'm going to pay the tab, be right back.”

A frown turned on Veronica's lips as Jude walked away. 

With a shake of her head, she pulled out her phone, quickly googling 'Guillaume Tête Modi' and she blinked, stunned at the results. Guillaume Tête was a photographer sued by Randy Modi over ten years ago. Further digging found the files sealed for eleven years, opened only two months ago without much fanfare, the scandal already long forgotten in the art world. A thirty-seven year old Guillaume Tête had an inappropriate relationship with a family member of Randy's- Girl A. Girl A, who was a minor of fourteen. 

Quick math put Razia's age eleven years ago at fourteen.

She jumped as Jude took a seat across from her and he sighed deeply as she put away her phone. Her poker face was clearly off. “Hey.”

“ _Man_...” he shook his head. “I _really_ had hoped you hadn't caught that.”

Veronica forced an innocent expression on her face, holding her hands up in mock surrender. “Do you have to kill me now?”

He laughed, but it didn't hold the same merriment as before. “No...it's just something we're told to forget. Which we _can't_ forget. We don't talk about it. He was an associate of my dad's, decided to get too friendly with my sister. She was in an angry, rebellious stage, he took advantage of that...the therapist said. She's never considered it wrong...but he took pictures of her, too. I wanted to fucking kill him,” he sighed heavily as he met her gaze. “It was bad. Really messed up mom for a while.”

She felt her heart start to drop closer and closer to her stomach as Jude- rather reluctantly but accepting of the change of events- filled her in on that particular skeleton in the Modi family's closet. He recounted it blandly, perhaps trying to distance himself from it. She began to think about the evil men do, how men began to look at her and Lilly - nice and long when they were eleven - and Lilly began developing, what Aaron Echolls did to her. 

They all weren't bad, she had to tell herself. There was Jude across from her. Logan. Leo from lifetimes ago. Garrison. Her father. Always, her father. “He should've gone to jail.”

“Nah, can't sully dad's public name, right? Tête quietly settled, we got a restraining order until Zee was eighteen...” he trailed off, a forced smile on his face. “Two days after her birthday, he called looking for her. Luckily, she was on a plane to Switzerland with mom,” he finally looked away from Veronica and she could she the shadow of rage cloak his expression for just a moment as he shook his head. “Fucking prick.”

She frowned, busying herself with a discarded straw. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snooped.”

He waved her off before rolling his shoulders, clearly trying to rid himself of the tension which had settled in his form. “It was my fault, I hadn't meant to bring it up, I guess I got too comfortable with you so please, don't mention it to anyone. I shouldn't have even said anything.” He must have noticed how uneasy she looked for he gave her a warm smile. “Enough about me. How long have you been a detective?” He laughed at her look. “Razia tells me everything. And I decided to tell you that stuff before you really started to do that...” he trailed off as their eyes met and he smiled. “That detective voodoo that you do.”

Veronica shrugged. Unlike Jude, she was going to keep the conversation as basic as possible. There was no way to fit in an intentional killing of some mafia guys in between a round of beers. “I helped my dad with it as a teenager, it was a way to make money,” she decided to keep it as simple as possible, he didn't need to know the ugly details. “Then I went to college, joined the FBI, left the FBI, and now I do photography full time, and some detective work when I have a free minute. Mostly cheating spouses,” she chuckled weakly, shaking her head. “It's boring...”

“When do you have time to date?”

She smiled, lowering her head as her fingers trailed along his wrist and he paused, watching her hand. “I'm here, aren't I?”

Jude's fingers lifted as her own dragged over his. “Someone else's loss is my gain.”

Her smile grew. "It sure is."

* * *

“Wanna play twenty questions?”

Veronica smiled at Jude's suggestion, taking a lick of her ice cream cone. They were walking along the boardwalk, side by side but not really touching beyond arms bumping into each other. She wanted him to touch her. Badly. There was a purity in her need- usually, she needed to convince herself or let it play out but here? Here, she knew she wanted less conversation, more physicality. Did that make her a bad person? She was pretty sure it didn't, she just refused to ignore or question her desires anymore. Hopefully he was on the same page. “Sure.” 

“Ladies first.”

“Okay, this has been bothering me since we've met,” she looked up at him and he stared at her questioningly. “Sonali...Razia...Jude?”

Jude laughed, nodding as he swallowed his ice cream. “Mom and dad wanted more...unique yet traditional names, but I was their first and they're huge Beatles fans, so...” he trailed off, grinning as he peeked down at her. “It's boring, I wish I could say there was a more interesting story.”

“So you're different.”

“I _hated_ it as a kid, believe me. It's never cool to have your mom calling for _JuJu_ in front of your friends,” he paused, slowly grinning as he gave Veronica a sidelong glance. “Now, I like the way it sounds off beautiful women's lips.”

Veronica smirked. Maybe they were on the same page. “Okay, _Jude_ ,” she bit back a smile as he bumped her lightly with his shoulder. “Your turn.”

“Quiet or loud?”

“Environment or in the bedroom?”

He chuckled, taking a bite of his cone. “I meant environment but now I want to know the latter.”

 _Definitely_ on the same page. “Quiet environment, the latter depends on my mood.”

Jude was quiet for a moment as they stopped in front of a taffy shop. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, nodding to himself before peering at her under a lock of hair that had fallen over his eye. “What's your mood now?”

She looked up at him, a smile playing on her lips as she reached up, pushing his hair back. “Ask me in an hour.”

* * *

“What makes you blush?”

Veronica gave Jude a squint-eyed glance before finishing the reapplying of her lipstick, enjoying his discreet eyes on her mouth. “Nothing. I've heard it all.”

“Okay, challenge accepted,” he locked eyes with her as the bartender set down two beers in front of them. “You are stunning. Just beautiful.”

She gave him a prim smile, putting her lip crayon away. “Thank you.”

Jude shook his head as he cringed playfully. “Yeah, that wasn't going to work, you know you're gorgeous.” He leaned in, his lips brushing against her ear. “You can punch me anytime,” he whispered and she nodded, resting her hands on his shoulders in a loose embrace when he touched her hips, holding her against him. “Nervous?”

Her eyes closed at his low voice in her ear, his breath hot against her cheek. She couldn't have anticipated the way her body reacted, the heat pooling and her imagination started to run. She wasn't going to let _him_ know that, though. They were having a contest and besides, she had to scope out whether this was all an act from him. “We're playing a game, aren't we?”

“I would like to see you naked,” he murmured in her ear, his fingers rubbing her hip. “I would like to run my tongue all over your skin...”

She took care to keep his words from getting a physical reaction, even as his voice vibrated down her spine and nearly made her shudder. As much as she hated to admit Logan was still hiding in the corner of her mind, she had to acknowledge she missed that with him, that playfulness they both hadn't seemed particularly willing to jump into full force again. Of course, there was a reason for that. She and Logan had baggage, together and apart. Jude was, for the most part, wonderfully baggage-free. It made the games a lot more fun.

“I want to hurt you until it feels good, until you're begging me for more...” he trailed off, staring at her blank expression. “Really?”

Veronica shrugged, grasping his shirt. As far as she could see, it wasn't an act- it was all fun for him. Even if it didn't go anywhere, he really seemed to like having fun. “I've heard it all. Although hurting me until it feels good is pretty enticing.”

He winked at her. “That's my favorite kind.”

Jude leaned in and Veronica's fingers slid up, pressing against the back of his neck as their lips touched. He started to pull away after the remarkably chaste kiss and she held her grip, deepening the kiss. The bar was uproarious and the music booming, she was certain he couldn't hear the moan that escaped her when his tongue slipped in her mouth. 

She only roused from their embrace when her back hit the bar, realizing they had stumbled against it. He didn't move back, letting his lips brush against hers while her hand trailed down his arm. Finally, he pulled away, grasping his beer in one hand and her hand in another. She leaned over, awkwardly holding her purse and beer against her palm as he led her to the exit. 

She wasn't sure what she had been expecting when he led her to the beach and they sat on the sand near the boardwalk. It had been nearly a decade since she had been to the beach with someone else, excluding that time with Rita and Dick's friends. The time before that was with Mac and Piz, but she always associated it with surfing. Logan had loved to surf and she would sit and read or photograph or whatever until he got tired of it and lay next to her to talk or make out. Mostly made out. The beach always brought about memories of salt and wetness and hands.

And a part of her had been waiting for it now. Instead, they sat, drinking their beers quietly. Veronica was puzzled by it, just slightly, and she started to speak, just to fill the silence, when Jude spoke up.

“Full disclosure- I needed this,” his lips pressed together as he ran his finger over the mouth of his bottle. “I just got out of a relationship a couple of months ago, so...”

Veronica nodded, grateful he was talking about himself and not trying to get information out of her again. “How toxic was it?”

Jude gave her a look, his brow furrowed in confusion. “What? No, no, it wasn't toxic at all...Candace and I just parted ways. She's her sister's personal assistant- models- and my work keeps me moving around. Too much time apart, we were fighting, it got to be a bear. We decided to cut our losses before we really started to hate each other.”

She frowned slightly, unsure of why she was so surprised by the conclusion of his story. “That's really mature. I was in kind of a...I don't know,” she laughed uncomfortably, shaking her head. “Friends with benefits situation? It went badly, we hadn't really discussed the specifics, there was confusion and hurt feelings, I guess.”

He nodded. “That's your mistake. You always make it clear.”

Another silence fell between them as she mulled over his words. He wasn't wrong and she knew that had been her and Logan's mistake. Then again, she needed to stop thinking about Logan, especially when he was making no attempt to contact her and she was currently on a great date. “So, _totally_ hypothetical,” she smiled, looking over at him. “If you were my friend...”

Jude slowly grinned. “Totally hypothetically, I would say...” she laughed as he made a big show of facing her. “Friend, I really want to fuck you but I'm not ready for a serious relationship. If you think you can handle it, we should help each other out. As friends.”

Veronica leaned forward, smirking when his head tilted forward, ready for another kiss. “And so, _hypothetically_ , I should say...friend, I want the same and think we should test it out as soon as possible. Should I take off my clothes now?”

“Please do,” he whispered before pressing his lips against hers. 

She exhaled as he leaned away, her eyes opening slowly. “Well, I'm glad we're in agreement,” her eyes fluttered shut as he kissed her again and she pushed him away gently before it could get heated. ““So you live in LA.”

“I do.”

She shrugged, glancing down at his fingers, trailing down over her necklace. “The night's still young...wanna go for a ride?”

Jude's eyebrows rose, his fingers freezing on her chain. “Yeah?” she nodded slowly and he nodded in return. “Let's go.”

**_Three Years Ago_ **

It sounded like static. All of it. The cars driving below the apartment window,the rustling of her new puppy Ace, the mere sound of her father's voice. She sat on her couch, which really seemed plenty larger lately, and listened to her father tell her about his mundane life. It felt like he had been talking for hours but a glance at the clock told her he had only been speaking for less than five minutes. It was actually torture.

It had been a week since the Neptune incident. She had met with her superiors and was on medical leave until the doctors and psychiatrists gave her the okay to return to work. It was also her first day alone, Garrison had gone back to work after she had convinced him that she was absolutely fine and could handle eleven hours by herself.

Perhaps she overshot her levels of fine.

“But today was all right. Since we're already talking, I need to tell you about L-”

She felt like the walls were closing in on her. She needed to get out of there. “Dad, I have to go.”

Her father was quiet for a moment, and the silence between them was cutting. Brutal. “Can we just have one conversation without you rushing off? I think it's been years since we've had a proper conversa-”

“I am very busy.”

Veronica was surprised at the sound of her voice, the icy dismissive tone of it. She could hear her mother in her own voice. Her breath caught for a moment and she shook her head as if the movement could shake the Lianne shadow cloaking itself over her.

He cleared his throat, trying again. “Veronica, please. I have a lot to tell you.”

She finally jumped to her feet, running a shaky hand through her hair as she paced in front of the coffee table. Her chest felt tight as the floor tilted slightly. She just needed to get off the phone before her father could hear the difference in her voice, hear the panic in it, the chaos currently in her head. “Dad, I'm going through a lot of things you can't possibly understand. Okay?”

A silence that lasted for a lifetime was broken with his monotone “Okay, Veronica.”

Veronica nodded quickly, again and again and again as she made her way on unstable legs to the dark bedroom. She suddenly wished she had accepted the offer of benzodiazepines from the doctors. “I'm just busy. This job is busy.”

“Okay.”

Her hand shook as it threw the bathroom door open and she started to breathe deeply through her nose. “I'll call you when I have a free minute. We are so busy here.”

“I'll be waiting,” he sighed as she continued to fumble. “Are you okay-”

“Fine!” She said shrilly, her eyes squeezing shut. “I'm just so busy. I've ignored three calls from my boss to talk to you. I have to return the calls.”

“I love you, Veronica.”

Veronica cleared her throat before trying to swallow, her throat felt so dry. “Love you. Talk later.”

She hung up before her father could say another word, dropping the phone on the floor mat before lunging forward and turning on the shower. She breathed deeply through her nose, her count to ten grit out shakily through clenched teeth and barely audible over the stream of water. She gasped as she stepped into the stream, ungraceful as her shoulder hit the tiles and she slid to the floor.

She counted past ten, twenty, fifty and it was only at one hundred and thirty-eight when her nerves began to settle. Her body continued to rock, her clenched fist held to her chest and nails buried in skin as she finally exhaled through her mouth. Her eyes finally closed as her heart began to slow to a normal rhythm, letting the cooling water hit her face.

When Garrison visited at one in the morning after getting out of work, she was pretty sure he noticed her damp hair and puffy eyes and still, he didn't mention it. She was grateful.

Veronica let him hold her when he joined her on the couch after eating- actually, he ate while she watched and feigned interest in his update on the investigation of the Neptune case. It didn't really matter, the danger was gone, the rest of this was technicalities. Gorya's family couldn't take out the entire FBI, it was all taken care of. Her mind had drifted enough that his brown eyes finally lowered to his plate and he stopped talking. After a couple of minutes of silence, she moved to the couch.

“How was your day?” he murmured against her temple as she leaned against his chest.

“Good,” she said, her tone soft. There was no reason to be on edge, they hadn't been dating long, he still didn't know her all that well and there wouldn't be any persistent inquires about her well-being. The knowledge of that was at once strangely comforting and almost terrifying. “Really good.”

“Excellent. You'll be back at work in no time.”

She nodded, not bothering to force a smile on her face for his benefit. He couldn't see her, it didn't matter. “Great.”

“Mind if we go to bed? I have to be in at ten.”

Veronica nodded, climbing to her feet and crossing her arms over her chest as she walked to the bedroom. She tried not to flinch when Garrison rubbed her arms from behind, relaxing her fists as she lowered her arms to her sides. “Hey,” she stopped at the door, letting the corners of her mouth lift in an imitation of a genuine smile. “Can you get me that material you talked about? The things about coping with...you know. The stuff with the breathing exercises and the Tony Robbins bullshit.”

Garrison returned her smile, nodding. “Whatever you want, baby.”

“Thanks,” she grasped his hand, pulling him into the room. “You're a life-saver.”

**_Now_ **

Veronica watched Jude take a drag of his cigarette before continuing his story, some tale about getting into an altercation in college and having his teenage sisters rushing to defend him. His eyebrows rose in amusement and maybe embarrassment as he talked, a smile twitching on his lips and she was reminded of Razia when she told a story, the same mannerisms. She listened as best as she could, trying to ignore the voice in her head asking when exactly he was going to kiss her again, when she was going to feel his body against hers again. She shifted a bit closer and he wrapped his arm around the back of the couch, his fingers trailing over her shoulder.

It was almost agonizing. 

His incredibly nice and incredibly expensive loft was on the top floor of a converted warehouse, and she had ignored the snide voice in her head which had wondered how many people and jobs were displaced to make room for this luxurious living space. He only put on the lights he needed- in this case, the tall lamp in the living room and the kitchen, got them both drinks and escorted her to the couch to talk. And that had been it. She wondered if he had actually been joking with all of his signals or if he was knowingly torturing her. 

“And it was just horrid. To this day, I've never been in a fight.”

She smiled, watching him as he watched her. “I like that you've never been in a fight.” He fought back a grin, taking another drag of his cigarette and she leaned forward, her eyes narrowing playfully. “So how long did it take you to perfect the smoking while sexy routine?” She bit her lip as his smile grew. “Check your ego, buddy.”

“It's checked,” he said, leaning over to the coffee table and stubbing out the cigarette in a black ashtray. “Are you sure you don't mind the smoking? I can pretend to not have this addiction for a couple of hours...”

Veronica shook her head, tilting slightly closer. “No, it's fine. My ex, he used to smoke. It's kind of comforting.”

He looked over his shoulder when her body shifted against his back, a chuckle escaping him. “Comforting?”

She tilted back, shrugging. “Yeah. I guess.” As the words left her mouth, she inwardly cringed. She hadn't meant for it to come out as icy as it sounded and she mustered a smile when he raised his eyebrows at her. “Habit.”

Jude picked up his champagne flute, downing the little that was left. “I can't figure you out.”

“What do you mean?”

“I _mean_ , I can't figure you out.”

She tightened her smile, unsure if she was imagining the chill in the room. Busying herself, she jumped to her feet, making a show of stretching. “That's how I pull you in.”

He nodded as he glanced up at her, the corners of his mouth curling into a grin. “It's working.”

Veronica relaxed, lowering her arms while glancing up at the skylights. “Mood lighting and champagne, you do this for all the ladies?”

He refilled her glass before following her gaze. When she turned, he stood, holding out her glass. “Only the ones I really like- you were the one who said you wanted to see my apartment, this was a joint adventure.”

She didn't respond for a moment, silently noting the only space between them was occupied by the champagne bottle. “Do you have a skylight in your bedroom or...”

Jude's eyebrows rose and she found herself starting to smirk when he began to grin. “That's smooth, I like that,” he set the bottle down. “I actually don't, I work late and like to sleep in and I'm not crazy,” he paused, exhaling sharply. “But I get the feeling you're a person that needs to see something to believe it so...you can. If you want.”

Veronica took a long drink, keeping her eyes on him. If he was going to hesitate, she'd take the initiative. She wanted something and she was going to make sure they both knew it. There wasn't any patience left in her for dancing around anything, she had enough of that with Logan. Hell, Lilly would be proud, not an awkward moment in sight. “I think I do, I just don't believe you.”

He laughed, handing her the bottle before backing up. He stopped suddenly, holding out his hands. “Wait here, I think I forgot to clear out some storyboards and I'm all about the entrance so give me sixty seconds.”

“I'm counting.”

She smiled as he left a kiss on her cheek before walking up the small flight of stairs and down the hall. Her eyes lingered on his back, broad shoulders sharp in that blue sweater, fantasizing for a brief moment of what was inevitably to come. She stole another look before turning away, walking around the living room and sipping on her drink. 

Jude's apartment was really a nice place, perfect for adults, no kids allowed. It wasn't a suburban jail for 2.5 kids and a dog and white fence, toys and noise everywhere. It was a hang out for drinking and privacy and very adult things. He was a minimalist, maybe because he was hardly home. She could relate.

A laugh escaped her as some sort of instrumental started to play in the apartment. “Corny!” she called. 

“Accidental! My files are huge!” he yelled back, and the music stopped. 

“Ooh, a euphemism!” Another laugh escaped her at his playfully eager _“ow!”_

This could happen, couldn't it? It didn't mean anything, he was fun, he wasn't putting any pressure on her, this was fun. She didn't need baggage and history and grudges and secrets and pain- she needed fun.

Veronica stopped in front of the refrigerator, her eyes stopping on the small whiteboard magnet, scrawled writing there in blue.

 __ **Call lady @ Nep Sen back re: LE  
NAG! BiG NO!!!  
483-1008**

She lowered her glass, her brow furrowing while she read the message again. And again. It was gibberish except for the first line, so very clear and so very alarming. Setting the glass down, she rushed to her bag and pulled out her phone and did a u-turn. Her gaze drifted to the hallway, catching Jude's shadow as he walked around the bedroom before returning her attention back to the refrigerator. She licked her lips, taking a photo of the message.

Veronica lowered her phone just as Jude walked back into the room, giving him a weak smile and an apologetic shake of her head. She gestured at her phone, letting out a dramatically heavy sigh. “I have to go.”

She shifted her eyes as his grin faded, refusing to let his clear disappointment catch up to her own.

* * *

“Are you _sure_ I can't convince you to work at my place?”

Veronica bit on her lower lip, trying to hide her smile as Jude pulled up in front of her building. “Do you really think _any_ sort of working was going to be happening at yours?”

He put the car in park, giving her a sidelong glance. “How are we going to be partners in crime if you're not even on my level?”

She sighed dramatically, unbuckling her seatbelt. “You can't _handle_ my level, _JuJu_.”

He didn't bother to hide his dismay, shaking his head. “ _No_. Don't do that, that's a mood killer.”

She smirked, giving him a quick nod. “Only because you've been so nice.” Her body jerked in hesitation when she caught him also undoing his seatbelt. Did he think they were just moving the action to another location? ”I guess I owe you one.”

Jude cleared his throat, shifting over to her. “I'm definitely holding on to that IOU,” he muttered, tilting his head toward her.

Veronica's hand pressed against his cheek as he kissed her, all uncertainty forgotten as her eyes fluttered shut and her mouth opened for him. Heat pooled down her body and for that moment, she hated the distraction that was that refrigerator message. There was no way she could have concentrated and dammit, he was so attractive. Fate was definitely working against her lately.

Jude grinned as he pulled back slightly, his fingers rubbing along her thigh. “It would be ungentlemanly to ask to come up...”

She sighed, tilting her head toward him. “I have to work early. Also, you're very confident,” she murmured, pulling his head down for another kiss.

“I can't help it, you're very sexy,” he continued, his lips brushing against hers. 

Veronica smiled slowly, her fingers drumming on his neck for a brief moment in a flurry of sudden nerves. “You think I'm sexy?”

“Very much so.”

She found herself, much to her own annoyance, thinking of Logan once again. Of how much she missed that kind of straightforwardness from him, how much contempt she had for the pod person he had sculpted himself into in her absence. No, this wasn't a smart move, she was right to back out of the evening. She was still angry at Logan, she couldn't do something she'd possibly regret, even if a part of her was dying to. She needed to give it a couple of days. “Maybe next time?"

Jude finally pulled away, leaning back as Veronica opened the car door. “Yes. Definitely. Call or text me whenever,” he sighed deeply, buckling his seatbelt. “I had a good time.”

Veronica gave him a warm smile and a quick nod. “Me too. I really needed this. Really, really needed this. It was fun.”

“I'm thrilled to have amused you.”

Her smile grew as she stole one last glance. “Good night.”

She looked down, almost bashfully as he blew her a kiss and she exited the car before she decided to ask him to come up. As soon as the safety of the car door was between them, she leaned down, giving him a quick wave. The passenger window rolled down and Jude gave her a grin and wave. She straightened up, backing away as he pulled out into the street. 

After her shower and a just about requisite back and forth over her regret and impulsive and not so impulsive choices that evening, Veronica lay in bed staring at her phone, trying to will herself to call Logan, or at least to text him the picture. 

It was pretty late to be calling or texting anyone. Logan never turned his phone off even when he says he does, he always puts it on silent so if he happened to be awake and saw his phone light up...she didn't know if she could have any sort of conversation with him at the moment which wouldn't result in another screaming match. Years ago in high school, she and Logan were able to have exhausting two or three day long fights, making breaks to eat and talk shop if needed. In college, deepening feelings had made those fights harder to uphold, especially when they could've been having sex instead, and when the fights did last, it was agonizing. Fights now were different, there was more at stake mutually and separately. There were more communication issues and hurt feelings and she just didn't know how to go about it.

A part of her knew she could just ignore the note, just let Logan drown in the mess of his own making but she knew that was never an option. She couldn't and wouldn't allow that to happen, no matter how angry she was at him.

They needed to define _them_ before they did anything else, she was realizing. If Logan wasn't willing to do that, she didn't know what else to do. But she wasn't willing to hang around waiting- if there wasn't going to be a solution reached, she would just move on. When they were ready to talk, they would. 

She finally set the phone on the side table, turning away from it. It was highly unlikely Jude would call anyone during the Thanksgiving holiday, much less some reporter from the Neptune Sentinel, especially not when he was shuttling between family get-togethers and work. There wasn't a need for worry yet. She told Logan not to worry about Parker's ex yet, so she could chill out on this. For now.

They had time. And she needed to think it through.

* * *

Thanksgiving at the Mars household used to be a day Veronica looked forward to, a day with just her father and food, it was all she needed.

This day, however, was different. There were four extra people, and now a small child shrilly talking over everyone. She feigned happiness when Harmony greeted her, reveled in her father's welcoming hug, and managed to escape to the bathroom when she heard Logan's car pull in. She knew full well she couldn't stay in the bathroom for the entire night, but she could run the faucet and kill five minutes to find some nerve.

A smile perked on her lips as a text chimed on her phone and there was Jude's response to her _too many people, s.o.s_ text.

_Wanna watch my dad totally ignore R? Long story but there's gonna b blood u can get here b4 the binge drinking!_

_Tempting!_

“Veronica! We have guests! Dinner's ready!”

Veronica muttered a curse, slipping her phone into the pocket of her sweater before turning off the faucet and opening the bathroom door. “On my way!”

Her jaw set as she caught Logan quickly looking away from her as she approached the table. She slipped into her seat next to her father as Parker continued to happily converse with Harmony about _Orange is the New Black_ , giving her father a weak smile as he continued to cut up the turkey. His grin was warm, he was happy to have her there, and that was a nice feeling.

Less of a nice feeling was Logan's insistence on ignoring her, instead focusing on being Super Dad to Mia, who was annoyingly restless. Mia tried to stand, he pulled her on his lap. She wanted to play with her fork, he fed her. She wanted to go to Keith, he hugged her to his chest and kissed her cheeks until she forgot about it. Mia was enough of a handful, Logan didn't seem to have enough time to chat like Parker was. Maybe he wasn't exactly ignoring her, he was just too busy being a dad. For a moment, Veronica remembered Razia's words at the company party, that Mia was always first in his world. She understood it now. 

It was still so odd to see Logan doing parental things. He was incredibly at ease with it, no annoyance, infinite patience, completely hands-on. This continued to be a Logan she wasn't used to, a total stranger. She supposed she had to eventually get used to it, this little girl wasn't going anywhere, was she?

“Mimi,” Parker said during a lull in conversation, putting down her glass. “Come to mama, let daddy eat.”

“Nope,” Logan said quickly, taking his beer bottle before Mia's fingers could grasp it. “This is bonding time.”

“You gotta eat,” Keith said, winking at Mia. “She'll be there when you're done.”

Logan handed Mia off to Parker with the slightest of reluctance, giving the child a wink before returning to his food. He listened to the conversation at hand as Keith recounted his current case, a runaway teen. As the story began to run long, Logan's gaze shifted to Veronica, and irritation prickled at her when he turned away as she met his stare. He could be such a child. 

“Veronica!” Parker exclaimed, turning to her when Keith's story had ended. “You're super quiet- what's going on? What have you been up to?”

Veronica's mouth opened and she grinned, giving the group a shrug. “Nothing much, living the boring life...”

“Oh, don't be so secretive, you're with friends- _Veronica_ ,” Logan spoke up suddenly, holding up his fork with a flourish. “Went on a date with Razia's brother.”

Her mouth dropped in astonishment for a moment and her eyes narrowed as an uncomfortable silence fell over the table. There was the immature Logan she knew so well, not even a kid could take that away. “ _Really_ , Logan? Really?”

Keith's brown furrowed as he lowered his fork. “Razia's brother? The guy we met at that barbecue?”

“That's him,” Logan said, his insincere cheerfulness making Veronica want to slap him. “How was your date, Veronica? Had a good time?”

“Logan,” Keith warned, his gaze shifting to Veronica before returning to Logan. “Maybe get us some more soda from the fridge.”

Logan shrugged. “I'm good here.”

“That wasn't a suggestion,” Keith said, cutting up a piece of chicken. “Get some maturity while you're over there too, eh?”

Logan's jaw clenched but he didn't respond, climbing to his feet and walking to the kitchen. As the refrigerator opened, Parker sat up in her seat, giving Veronica a wide smile. “I don't blame you, he's hot. Ignore Logan, he's been grumpy all day.”

Veronica returned Parker's grin weakly, nodding. “It's really not that big of a deal,” she glanced at her father, giving him an exasperated look at the concern on his face. “It wasn't! He's cool, we had fun. That's it. It was one date, not a big deal.”

Harmony nodded, brushing Mia's hair from her eyes. “He was very nice the one time we met him. Very charming.”

Logan plopped back in his seat, setting the liter of coke on the table. “He is charming,” he muttered, avoiding Veronica's gaze. “I clearly made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry.”

Her eyes narrowed as she stared at him, wondering where the hell that apology came from. Was this a trap? “No, you're fine.”

He gave her a brief nod before turning his attention to Harmony. “I hate to talk shop at dinner, but were you able to find that painting I told you about?”

After dinner, Keith and Harmony settled in the living room with Parker and Mia to watch _America's Funniest Home Videos_ as Logan put away the extra food into Tupperware containers. Veronica made her way into the kitchen, silently picking up a container and filling it with mashed potatoes. She could feel his gaze on her every so often and tried to ignore the jolt through her when his arm brushed against hers as he set down a plate in the sink.

“Sorry. Again,” he said, so quiet she almost missed it. 

“It's fine,” she replied shortly. “Thanks for the help with my car.”

“Not a problem. I like your sweater,” Logan mumbled, turning on the faucet.

Veronica glanced down at her shirt, a blue knit sweater she had thought to be raggedy, before looking up at Logan and giving him a brief smile. And with that, the lingering anger in her had almost faded. Not completely gone, but the chill had definitely thawed, if only slightly. “Thanks. I like yours too.”

He looked at his navy sweater, shaking his head. “We're better than this kind of small talk.”

Her jaw clenched as she reached over, turning off the faucet before grabbing his arm and leading him to the front door. “I need to talk to you.”

Keith's head tilted as they moved to the door, a frown on his lips. “Where are you going?”

“Making a phone call!” Veronica called back, stepping outside. 

Logan glanced over his shoulder as he shut the door before raising his eyebrows at her. “Yeah?”

Veronica dug into her pocket for her phone, inhaling deeply. Sure, Thanksgiving dinner probably wasn't the best time to bring it up, but the olive branch had been extended, and she had decided this was probably something best to deal with quickly. “I think a journalist contacted Jude, something about you. They want to talk to him and I'm wondering if it has to do with a certain blackmailer.”

His brow furrowed as she pulled out her phone. “He told you this?”

“No,” she faltered slightly before her lips pressed together tightly and she lifted her head, staring at him as she lowered her phone. This wasn't going where it needed to. “I saw it. In his apartment.”

Logan stood there in a seemingly frozen state of surprise, staring at her. Finally, he nodded, inhaling sharply. “Okay.”

Veronica blinked as he started to turn back to the door and she made a move to grab his arm. She got a hold of his sleeve before he moved his arm away and she pulled her hand back. Out of all the reactions she had expected, this wasn't it. Snark, maybe. Attitude, definitely. Not a complete lack of reaction. And she hadn't even wanted a reaction to the Jude thing, she wanted to give him the information he maybe needed. She didn't know how to approach the conversation anymore. “Okay? Just...okay?”

He gave her a grim smile, tight and so very forced. There was something she couldn't place in his eyes, then, but everything about him was tense and even his breathing had become taut. She couldn't tell if it was because of the news or the fact that she had been in someone else's apartment which was making him so...rigid. _Fuck_ , she didn't like this, she couldn't read him.

“Just okay,” Logan said, his tone terse as his smile slowly weakened. “ _Okay_ , Veronica?”

She shook her head, impulsively moving to touch his arm again and she faltered when he pulled his arm from her grasp again. He didn't even want her to touch him. “Well, what do you want me to do about-”

“Don't do anything,” he muttered, opening the door. He paused, the sound of their families' laughter ringing out from the apartment. “I don't want you to do a thing,” he paused, his head lowering as he inhaled deeply. “Thanks for the heads up.”

An almost silent laugh of confusion escaped her. “I don't know what you want me to say about-”

He finally looked at her, and even that seemed to be too much for him, for he quickly looked back down. “Veronica, I don't want to talk about any of this right now. It's Thanksgiving. We'll talk about this tomorrow or something. Okay?”

Veronica shook her head again, watching Logan walk back into the apartment. She stood there in her own helplessness for a minute, fingering her phone. Finally, she put her phone back in her pocket, moving toward the apartment. She was going to give Logan a few days to get his shit together and then, she was going to take control of the wheel. There was no way she could ignore this development now. 

She paused at the door, inhaling deeply as she relaxed herself before walking back inside.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wanted to leave. She wanted to run. It was swift, that desire, she could have tumbled over with the force of it. The mere thought, for just a moment, to turn and walk, to keep walking, to get in her car, to drive, to keep driving, far and away. To disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has continued to stick with this sucker. It's so greatly appreciated. <3

“Hold the door!”

Veronica froze at the sight of Logan there, obediently holding the open button and expression shuttering blank at the sight of her. She let out a breath, rolling her shoulders back before entering the elevator. Logan released the button and the doors closed, leaving the two with a smooth jazz soundtrack for their tension.

They hadn't spoken since Thanksgiving, nearly a week ago. Luckily, she had been too busy to even fully stress out about it all beyond a recurring annoyance, exacerbated by her father occasionally bringing up Logan's visits with Parker's daughter. She couldn't say the radio silence from Logan was from anger...it just seemed awkward. He wasn't really looking for her, she wasn't looking for him, and that was the end of that. Two relative strangers. Back to where they started.

Less awkward was her still growing friendship or whatever with Jude, who had become her regular texting and phone buddy when both had a free moment. It was quite like when she first started seeing Garrison, no pressure, no stress, and always a good time. It was familiar. The thought had crossed her mind, fearing history was repeating itself with an easy admirer after a tense relationship. Trading Logan for Piz, Piz for Garrison and others, Garrison with Logan, Logan for Jude. She had found herself several times over asking why was that, why she would run and constantly settle back into an environment which was more familiar, knowing it wouldn't end well, but would quickly think of something else before she could dwell.

She couldn't ignore Logan in their little prison box, though.

Finally, she took the chance, giving him a brief smile. “Hey.”

Logan met her gaze, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Hey.”

She caught the once over he gave her. It was almost a sizing up if not for the way his eyes lingered on her pencil skirt ever so briefly. Logan could say a lot with just a look. God, she still wanted him. She missed talking to him. She missed fucking him. She missed his smile, his presence. She actually missed _him_. It was something she hated to admit, and yet...

“Photography or elsewhere?”

“Where I always go,” Veronica glanced down at the bag in his hand. It was too final of an answer and she decided to make another attempt, to see if he'd keep talking. “Lunch?”

He nodded. “Razia wanted Thai...” he trailed off, his brow furrowing. “What?”

She blinked, turning to face him as the elevator began to move. “What?”

“You just made a face.”

“No, I didn't.”

Logan chuckled, not exactly a kind laugh, shaking his head. “You did. I mentioned Razia, and you made a face, you did-” he cut himself off, pressing his lips together tightly as he raised his eyebrows, his eyes widening.

Veronica laughed, feeling the fight- many fights, many problems unvoiced for so long- bristling between them, feeling the edge in Logan's voice. Maybe it was time to sidestep the fight, they weren't in any sort of emotional safe place for an argument. “Wasn't my intention.”

“What's your deal with Razia, anyway?”

“What's _your_ deal with Razia?” She shot back, feeling a week's worth of aggression bubbling to the surface. Things she had imagined telling him in her head, now coming out of her mouth, and she wasn't regretting it one bit. “On what planet do you think you can have any sort of healthy, romantic relationship with anyone when you're still attached to your ex? Your _ex_ -fiance. Get back together or let it go,” she looked down at her wrist and adjusted the strap of her watch, thankful for the opportunity to not look at Logan's fading hostility. “ _I'm_ sick of it, I can't imagine how people who've known you two for years feel. It's pathetic.”

A look of discomfort grew on Logan's face at Veronica's remark, and he clearly hadn't been anticipating it, as he tried to get back on track. This was actually unexpected. She had anticipated a nasty comeback, an argument. Not a near sheepish reaction. “It's...complicated,” he said softly. “She used to be my girlfriend, and now she's my friend-”

Veronica turned away from him, jaw clenching as she stared at the ticking numbers. Spineless. She hated how completely spineless he had become. “So am I.” she muttered.

“We're different.”

She snorted, her eyes narrowing. “ _Are_ we? So-called friends that see each other naked...that's about right. _Real_ complicated.”

“I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as your boss' _brother_ but-”

Veronica's mouth dropped in a shocked smile as she looked at him. “Are you still upset about this- he has no relation to you, none of this is your business.” Her brow furrowed as she glanced at Logan, still standing there with a look of displeasure on his face. Facing him made the realization click, she could see it all over his face. “You don't like him, do you?”

Logan laughed bitterly, glancing up at the ceiling. “The fact that he's pompous and in love with the sound of his own voice is irrelevant, the golden child was going to be my brother-in-law-”

“Oh my god, you don't like him at all, I don't know why I didn't-” her eyes narrowed. “Are you _jealous_ of him? Logan, why didn't you just tell...” she trailed off at his stubborn silence.

The elevator stopped and neither moved as the doors opened. Logan made the first move, stepping past Veronica. He turned as he exited the elevator, sighing heavily. “Look, Veronica. Don't act like you care about my opinion or us-”

Veronica's jaw set as she followed him out, unbuttoning her jacket. “You don't get to play the shame game with me, Logan,” she said softly. “There is no _us_. This is what you wanted,” her gaze lifted to his, almost cautious. “It _is_ what you wanted. Right?” He didn't respond and her lips pressed together, nodding as she turned. “Okay. You figure it out.”

He took a step toward her before stopping in his tracks. “Why do _I_ need to figure it out?”

She stopped, sighing heavily before looking at him. “Because the ball's in your court, Logan,” she said wearily, yet her voice got stronger as she spoke. There was clarity as the truth came from her lips, a realization for them both, she supposed. No amount of pre-written speeches could have been better. “It's always been in your court, and I think you have always known that. So you decide, and maybe I'll be here when you do. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'd have taken my toys and gone home,” she shrugged, shaking her head as she looked down at the carpet. “Maybe this was all a mistake.”

“This isn't fair.”

“I didn't say it was. I'm just tired of running. I'm sure you're tired of chasing.” She turned away from him for the last time. “Maybe we'll meet in the middle or something. Or not.”

* * * * *

Logan found himself still thinking about Veronica's words over a half hour later as he listened to Razia chew on her noodles and talk about nothing. A completely familiar setting, and one comforting in its intimacy. He could predict most of the meal- how much of her food she would eat before taking a drink, what she would eat first and what she would save for last, how she would cut her food. Things he had found endearing and was happy to be able to predict, he now found painful and almost annoying. It was all reminders of loss.

Veronica's rather blunt assessment had made him wonder how right she was, if he really was pathetic to still be as close to his ex as he was. It _was_ pathetic. Relying on that comfort of the predictable and familiar was pathetic, especially with no safety net, not when Razia could run so easily. When she had run so easily. Maybe he did need space.

“Where's your car?”

“Parker has it,” Logan mumbled. “They're picking me up.”

“Hm. So. JuJu seems to really like Veronica,” she said with a smile as she pushed the last of her curry onto his plate. “He said they had a great time.”

“I'm sure he liked a lot of Veronica on that date,” Logan muttered, tossing down his fork.

Razia's smile disappeared abruptly. “Jude's doing what now?”

“Pretty sure he's banging Veronica,” Logan rolled his eyes, the beginnings of a pout settling on his face. “Picture of virtue, that Veronica...”

Her eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”

“I'm just saying-”

“You're saying _nothing_ , do you remember how we met?” She scowled at him before picking up her phone. “Look in the mirror, asshole.”

Logan paused, licking his lips slowly and beginning to play with his phone in a weak attempt to keep from meeting her withering gaze. “You're right, I'm sorry.”

“Cool it on the shaming, I am not dealing with your so obvious jealousy right now. You're better than that-” Razia swiped on her phone and a dial tone rang through speaker in the now silent room. Logan's finger stilled on his phone screen, listening.

“ _Bonjour, ma soeur_...”

“Just how many of my friends are you going to fuck, Jude?” she said irritability, crossing her arms over her chest.

There was a silence, then- “I am at _work_ , Razia.”

“I don't _care_. What is this, nine of my friends now? Are you completely mental?”

“Excuse me?”

“ _And_ Veronica's my friend _and_ my employee-” she let out a bitter chuckle and Logan bit back a smile, keeping his gaze on his phone. “You are so fucking messy, I swear-”

“One, as of right now, I'm _not_ fucking her, not that it's any of your business. Two, you don't know anything about what's going on between Veronica and I so kindly zip. Three, who the hell told you I was sleeping with Veronica?”

“That is so beyond irrelevant,” Razia huffed. “Is this going to be like Alana all over again?”

“ _No_ , because Veronica isn't a psycho. Thanks for your concern but we know what we're doing, we were both clear on that. It was one date and texting. That's it.” he laughed at her silence. “Weren't you okay with this a week ago? I made sure to ask you.”

“I'm telling mom.”

“What?”

“I'm calling mom and I'm telling her what you're doing.”

“Why are you escalating this? Don't tell mom.” He exhaled at her silence. “Razia, I'm already on strike two, don't tell mom. Are you crazy?”

“If Veronica comes to me with a damn disappearing Jude complaint, I am telling mom.”

“It's not happening because Veronica isn't crazy, Razia. Don't tell mom-”

Razia hung up on him, pushing her phone away. She glanced at Logan, a smile slowly gracing her features at the smirk on his face. “That'll put the fear in him.”

“I don't think we should hang out anymore,” Logan said softly, his smile fading. The words came out before he could gather a gentle proclamation, a mature speech full of reason. The look in her eyes began to shift from confusion into something more horrible and he swallowed hard, deciding to tread carefully. 

“Why?”

“Because I think we both know how unhealthy this is, me and you, being this close. Still.” He inhaled deeply. “We're too attached to each other and I think maybe we both need the chance at another life. Without each other.”

Razia stared at Logan and he could see the distinct hurt in her eyes, an emotion he had vowed to never be intentionally responsible for, even after she did it to him seven hours before their wedding. He held on strong, however, keeping his eyes on hers. He held on until she looked away, her fingers coming to the bridge of her nose. 

“I...” he licked his lips, looking down to his plate. Somehow, this felt more final than their first break up, the first felt like a window was still left open. Now, it felt like he was shutting it. It didn't make him feel any more lighter, or happier, he didn't know what he had expected. He just felt sad. “I think we both deserve the chance to move on. Because we might be unintentionally sabotaging each-”

“You're right,” she said shortly. “You should go, then. Let's draw the line. Right now,” she licked her lips slowly. “Maybe we should've done this months ago.”

He nodded, taking a moment before standing. “Are you still coming to see Mia? You didn't come by on Thanksgiving...”

Razia gave a quick nod before turning away from him, gathering her to-go boxes and tossing them in the trash. “Just to say hi, we shouldn't let this get any more...”

“Awkward,” he finished for her, reaching over and squeezing her wrist before he could stop himself. “I love you, you know that, right?”

She smiled weakly, patting the back of his hand. “Call me when Parker and Mia pick you up.” She mimicked his nod before her eyes caught his. “One of the only times you decided to be honest with me the first time out, hm?”

Logan's hand slipped off Razia's wrist, and he lowered his gaze as he gave her a brief nod. 

_**Then** _

Logan licked his lips before releasing Razia's wrists, a smile curling on his lips before leaving an open mouthed kiss on her bare shoulder as they both caught their breath. Her hips rolled slowly and he mimicked her movements, hands sliding down her stomach until she let out a slight whimper. “Better than an early dinner at Marco's Bistro and Grille.”

She laughed, resting her chin on her forearms. “I still desire shrimp.”

“I told you I’m allergic.”

“You don’t have to eat it.”

“Yeah? Are you aware you can't kiss me either?”

She eyed him, watching as he brushed his mouth over her skin. “Are you really allergic?” He nodded and she shrugged. “I guess our little affair is over, hm?”

He straightened up, pulling up his pants. His current view wasn't bad, this hot little coworker of his bent over her kitchen table, her mint-colored dress thrown somewhere a while ago, her lacy underwear at her knees. She wasn't one for modesty, quite comfortable laying there almost completely nude, as if she were still waiting, like they hadn't just had this intense, hard quickie, unable to make it to the bedroom.

With a smirk, he leaned over, grasping her short hair and jerking her up. She gasped loudly and he grinned, biting her neck gently. “Give me some time and I'll make you forget about that too. I need to clean up; don't move.”

“What if I want to clean up too?”

“I seem to recall using enough precautions and I want you to stay just like this...” he trailed off, releasing her hair and smoothing it down. “If we had gone to dinner, that would've counted as a date. Right?”

Logan had expected the silence from her and yet it still stung. He nodded quickly as she started to pull up her bra, running his hand over her lower back before making his way to her bathroom. 

Razia Modi had said she didn't want anything serious and so he had settled for sex every other day or so, sometimes in his car in the parking garage, most of the time in her apartment. It was fun, she was fun, and yet the more he got to talk to her, the more he liked her. She was aloof yet kind, genuinely so in a way he wasn't used to, excluding Parker. Smart and darkly funny, and an actual creative, not a con artist like his father. And he had her, every which way, and he wanted her to want him too. To fall for him like he could feel himself falling for her. She was beautiful and wonderful and he kept finding reasons to text her, whether it be with a joke or a booty call request. Luckily for him, she wasn't ignoring his attention, so he remained convinced he still had a chance.

The fuck buddies label did have its advantages, though. No explaining his families, past and present, or having her meet his sister, or her finding out about the bum fights or murders which seemed to follow him around. He made a conscious effort not to talk about his daughter with random people and while Razia was no longer random, he didn't want her running for the hills just yet. Hell, he didn't want the problem that was _him_ making her run.

It was nice having near anonymity with someone.

He finished the quick clean up in her bathroom, lifting his gaze to the mirror. His hair was messed up and his hands flew to his head, smoothing it down. With a sigh, he ran his hands under the cool water one last time, eyes scanning the thin corner shelf next to the sink. Typical stuff, toilet paper, hand towels, perfume, deodorant...and on the top shelf, a Glinda the Good Witch bobble head. He smirked, returning his gaze to the mirror. 

Logan smiled at the sight of her on her couch, clad only in her underwear as she flipped channels. He plopped down beside her, trying to resist the pleased smile threatening to break as she shifted, swinging her legs on his lap. A small step toward actual intimacy, he supposed. She hummed as he stroked her calf, watching her consider a cartoon, then moving on. “My favorite food is spaghetti.”

Razia grinned slowly, lowering the remote. “I'm a steak girl.”

“I thought you were a shrimp girl.”

“I can be both,” her smile faded slightly. “Let's say we _do_ go on a date. Dates. Let's say we get serious. You'd always be honest with me, right?”

He stared at her, feeling the mood shift and the hope rise in him. And then, dread. Honesty wasn't his strong suit, he was brought up to lie, to deceive, and yet here was this woman, asking for honesty directly. He understood- she wanted honesty in exchange for her own sacrifices. She was trying, though, and he'd eventually have to bring up his family. Somehow. “Of course.”

She bit on her bottom lip, obscuring her smile with the remote. “We can go on an official date if it means that much to you. I _suppose_.”

Logan grinned, gently pulling down her wrist. “Thank you,” he whispered against her mouth before kissing her.

_“But it was his son's murdered girlfriend who would actually come back to haunt Aaron. Rumors of Echolls' sometime-actress daughter...”_

Logan could feel the sudden cold panic grow in him as that familiar drone filled the room. That fucking Tinsletown Diaries episode had stopped airing regularly several years ago and he had been happy for it, but he had clearly forgotten about the occasional marathons the channel still did when there wasn't enough reality shows to fill the schedule.

This wasn't exactly the way he wanted Razia to find out, not as she turned her head at the mention of his name and her hand slipped from his knee as she listened. This was something told after five dates or after she googled him, not right after she'd agreed to go out with him.

Gently, he took the remote from her hold, turning off the television. When she turned to him, he gave her a grim smile. He supposed honesty was coming sooner rather than later. 

“My dad killed my girlfriend,” he said softly. “I know you said you didn't really have any clue who my parents were but my dad was a terrible actor and an even shittier person. He killed my girlfriend and my mom killed herself.” He inhaled deeply, finally looking away from her. “I was a piece of shit as a kid and I organized bum fights and said a lot of fucked up shit. I also hooked up with my dead girlfriend's best friend, who was my best friend's ex-girlfriend. Maybe because we were both really fucked up at the time,” he turned back to her, his stomach twisting at the sight of her stunned expression. “I'd tell you more, except I can't really read you right now and I don't know if you're looking for the exits. There. Honesty.”

Razia was silent for a moment, watching as Logan fidgeted. Finally, she rested her hand on his wrist, her thumb rubbing along his skin. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

His eyes fell on her hand, strangely moved by the softness of her voice. The tenderness of her touch. It wasn't the empty sympathy he was used to from strangers, this was so very new. It was going to happen now, he supposed. “I have to tell you something else,” he muttered, licking his lips slowly as he turned to her. “I have a kid.”

She looked shocked for just a moment before her expression shuttered blank, and she inhaled sharply, jumping to her feet. “Oh my god.”

The panic this time hit hard and he started to stand. “Razia, it's not that big of a-”

“You're married. You're fucking married,” she shook her head, bending over and picking up the lilac fleece blanket off the couch, wrapping it over her body. “You tell me this after we fucked how many times, while I'm in my _underwear_? I fucking knew it was too good to be true.”

Logan froze, his brow furrowing. “N-No. Razia, I'm not married.”

“A girlfriend-”

“ _Ex_ -girlfriend. The kid is older than our relationship lasted...” he trailed off, pulling out his phone. “Mia is two. That's her mom Parker. We're still friends.”

Razia eyed the phone cautiously, like it were a weapon, before snatching it up. She glanced at the picture before handing the phone back. “She's cute. So is the baby.”

Logan smiled slightly, putting his phone away. “I kind of like them,” he paused, watching as she continued to stand there, the exasperated look fading but still there on her face. “You can meet them if you-” he cut himself off when she shook her head and quickly nodded. “Want me to go?”

“No,” she exclaimed, running a hand over her hair. “No, I don't want you to go. Fuck. Got anything else?”

“No, I think that's it,” a grin played on his lips. “Got any super secret things you want to tell me?”

She threw her hands in the air, a helpless laugh escaping her. “I flashed my brother's friend one time,” she let out a huff as he smiled. “I am so-”

“I can go if you want,” he said, wishing a denial. She didn't respond and he held out his hand, hoping. She didn't seem completely mad, this was good. “I can stay a bit longer...”

Razia took his hand, allowing him to pull her to the couch. She didn't speak for a long moment, not reacting when he leaned over to kiss her shoulder. “I really,” she started, grimacing. “ _Really_ wish you had told me this shit a month ago. I wish you had told me before I started...” she trailed off, closing her eyes. “I feel misled. That's what I feel.”

“Not...misled. Just, I wanted to make sure this- us- was...something,” Logan smiled against her shoulder, “And, hey. Are you saying...” he kissed his way to her neck, pausing before opening his mouth and leaving a wet kiss on her skin. “Are you actually saying you might have feelings for me? A little? Beyond the feelings in my back seat-” she chuckled and he grinned. “A tiny bit?”

“I,” she licked her lips, biting back a smile when he glanced up at her. “I have been _appreciating_ you more as of late but- I didn't...” she trailed off as his hand slipped between her thighs. Her fingers dug into his wrist and he smiled as her head dropped back. “Logan, I'm not happy.”

“Let me earn your forgiveness,” he smirked against her mouth, sighing as she opened her mouth for him. “Work on our communication,” he whispered before kissing her hard.

* * * * *

Keith moved into the kitchen, biting back a smile as Logan continued to talk a mile a minute, following him around slowly. The kid hadn't shut up since Keith asked him how his day was ten minutes ago, but it was nice. It was really nice to have a familiar voice in the apartment. He hadn't seen much of Logan since he started working at the magazine so his unexpected visit was welcomed. He actually missed Logan, as surprising as the thought was.

“So I take you like the job?” Keith said when Logan took a moment to breathe.

Logan snorted, taking a seat on the counter, which Keith promptly pushed him off of. “Hell no, the job sucks.”

Keith shooed Logan away from the oven, opening the door to check on his chicken. “Welcome to adulthood,” he glanced up at Logan, nodding at him. “You're clearly enjoying _some_ of the job- wipe your chin.”

Logan's hand flew to his face and he rubbed at his chin, giving Keith an almost sheepish grin. “There are some benefits...”

“Fun or...?”

“It's something,” he shrugged, glancing at the ceiling. “I think I'm wearing her down. She's pretty great. And beautiful. And she's chill. And,” he swung around, taking a seat on the island counter as Keith closed the oven, turning to face him. “She had no idea who I was until today. And she doesn't care, she knows about Mia too,” he smiled slowly, twirling his finger over his nose. “When she gets embarrassed, she does this scrunchy thing with her nose-”

“Logan,” Keith interrupted, crossing his arms over his chest. “I'm glad you've finally met someone, I really am. But I'm going to have to kill your buzz and remind you that you are no longer having to think of yourself, you have a child. You can't act as impulsively as you used to.”

Logan's smile faded and he gave Keith a quick nod. “I'm not. I mean, I'm not acting impulsively.”

“And you _cannot_ put this girl on a pedestal. Like it or not, you're coming in with baggage and this is something she might not want and you can't hold that against her if that eventually happens.”

“I know I have baggage,” he said, irritation creeping into his tone. “But I've found someone I really like, who likes me. We can work around the baggage.”

Keith stared at Logan for a long moment before a quick smile graced his face and he squeezed Logan's shoulder. “I hope so, kid. And I _am_ glad you found someone,” he paused, releasing him. “Just think rationally,” he returned Logan's nod before gesturing to the door. “I love your company, but you have a family to get home to.”

_**Now** _

“Hey, good morning,” Veronica murmured as she walked into Razia's office. She held out the coffee cup and held up her own. “They didn't have white chocolate mocha so I got you hazelnut crunch,” her eyebrows rose as Razia looked up. “Where's Superman, Clark Kent?”

Razia shrugged and sheepishly pointed at her glasses before taking her cup. “ _Haaa_. I've needed them for a while. The headaches are too much now and...” she trailed off, giving Veronica a prim smile. “You don't care. I'm getting Lasik on Friday, so three-day weekend for you, you're welcome.”

Veronica's brow furrowed at Razia's demeanor. Down. She was down. Sad, almost. “Are you sure? I can pretend to run things for a day...”

“Take the day. Do you really want to deal with Brenda by yourself for a whole day?”

She smiled slightly. “Okay, I’ll take the day.” She eyed Razia as she sat there with a smile which didn't quite reach her eyes. “I do care. Are you okay?”

Razia nodded, holding her coffee with both hands. “I'll get there. Are _you_ okay?”

Veronica returned the smile, for the first time not feeling the mental puppeteer strings pulling the corners of her mouth. “I actually think I am getting there.”

“ _Qui n’avance pas, recule_.”

She grinned wryly. “We should have that tattooed on our necks, huh.”

Razia finally turned away from Veronica, clicking her computer mouse as she stared at the computer screen. “Can you please call Julian from Elite and have him fax over Tuesday's itinerary?”

Veronica stared at Razia for a moment, stunned by the sudden urge to tell the woman she wanted to quit. She wanted to leave. She wanted to run. It was swift, that desire, she could have tumbled over with the force of it. The mere thought, for just a moment, to turn and walk, to keep walking, to get in her car, to drive, to keep driving, far and away. To disappear. The feeling was sudden, yet utterly familiar. Comfortable.

With a weak smile, Veronica turned on her heels, walking out of the office.

* * * * *

Veronica found herself disregarding the radio as she kept her gaze on the front of the Talk building. Her knee bobbed, knocking into her keys, stuck in the ignition as she watched Razia chat with Parker. Mia played with Razia's hair, both she and her mother seemingly unaware Razia was struggling a bit with holding the child. Logan stood to the side of the group, hands buried in the pockets of his slacks as he stared off into space, although he could've been watching them or even have his eyes closed since his sunglasses obscured his eyes.

As the work day had ticked by, the urge to run faded, slipped away to something else. To belong. To will herself to talk to the other employees, or even to Razia, at length. Even now, as she watched the scene in front of her. She was feeling more like herself, or at least a self she could vaguely recognize, but she still felt like a stranger in the land which was Neptune. And yet this was a familiar feeling, albeit a feeling she didn't welcome. She didn't want to feel alone, as comforting and recognizable that feeling was.

She tried to coax herself out of her own trance, force herself to grab her keys and get out of the car, to walk over to the group and say hi. Easily insert herself into the conversation, compliment Parker's hair, ask her daughter what kind of cartoons she liked so she could bring her something nice the next time she saw her. 

She didn't. She didn't do any of that. She instead plucked her phone from her purse and pulled her sunglasses over her eyes. Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes after pressing to dial Jude's number, biting on her lip. If he didn't pick up, no big deal. 

“Hey!”

She smiled at the sound of his cheerful voice, surrounded by whatever bustling chaos was going on the other end. It was nice to have someone sound happy to be around her, it was _really_ nice. “Hi. Guess who has a three-day weekend.”

“Congratulations! Razia's surgery?”

“Yes,” she chewed on her lip, glancing at her lap. “And so I was thinking, since I have three days off and a little rain check debt, maybe I could drive to LA Thursday night...”

“Yes,” his reply was instant and agreeable even though there was a distinct surprise in his tone. “Definitely. I- _ahh_ -"

Her brow furrowed. “What?”

“I have to work late Thursday, Friday run-through, then a show Saturday evening, though. Might be a wash.”

Veronica shrugged, mentally running through the blackmail case she could grind out in hours. “I can amuse myself.”

“Then, yes, come. You can stay at my place.”

She smirked, her bobbing foot slowly settling. “Your couch _does_ look pretty comfy...”

“My bed is also _pretty comfy_ ,” he let out a nervous chuckle at her silence. “Easy, t'was a joke. I'll take the couch.”

“It's your home.”

“You'd be my guest.”

He was dancing and weaving, perhaps feeling for her response. This wasn't working, she'd have to go bold. “It'll be rude to make me sleep alone...”

“Calling me rude, that I cannot take,” he sighed. “But really, I'd love to have you. I'll probably be doing the late run-through for the show, so if you want to cut straight there and then we'll drive to mine, I'll leave your name for security so they'll let you in. Or you could just go hang somewhere and I'll call when I'm out?”

“I'll let you know,” she couldn't let it sit so cordial. The last couple of years had been nothing but cordial. She and Logan had gotten in trouble with overly cordial. “So that settles it, we're becoming bed buddies.”

Jude chuckled. “I began looking forward to it about thirty seconds ago. Listen, I gotta go. Work shit. Text me when you're on your way.”

She bit back a smile, nodding. “Will do. See you soon.”

Veronica hung up on Jude before he could respond. Leave them wanting more, always get the last word. Let the anticipation build.

Her eyes drifted over to the scene still happening on the sidewalk, except now Logan was holding Mia and Razia and her car were gone. Parker and Logan stood there talking, Parker fixing the back of Mia's dress as Logan shrugged, responding to whatever she had said. Parker pulled her sunglasses over her eyes, linking her arm through Logan's and leading them towards his car.

Veronica set down her phone, shifting her car into gear. It was time to start planning her trip. 

_**Then** _

“Hey, sweetheart, it's Garrison. I've landed in Moscow. Should be back on schedule in a week. Just wanted to hear your voice but you're probably sleeping. I love you, honey, I hope you're well. Call me any time, I wish I was there with you.”

Veronica set her phone down before she could listen to the voicemail for a fourth time and slouched down in her seat on the couch. She tried her best to ignore the urge to call her former boyfriend, six months strong until the separation seventeen hours ago, just to hear his voice. To allow his voice to soothe her nerves, to make her feel as safe as he was able to. It wasn't much, but it was something.

They were supposed to be on a break until he returned but neither were acting like it.

Things hadn't gotten better, she and Garrison had just decided to pretend it had. At the very least, she had decided to pretend. It was easier this way, much easier than being asked over and over if she was okay; if she had been doing her breathing exercises; if she had any nightmares or panic attacks in the last ten days. All she wanted to do was be back on the field, doing her regular job. Only then could things finally go back to normal. 

She turned on her side, bringing her knees to her chest. Almost instantly, she straightened up, inhaling sharply before jumping to her feet.

Fifteen minutes later, she found herself in the bar down the street, finishing off her first glass of beer just as the bartender set down another glass. She gave him a faint smile and nod, her fingernail digging into the wood counter. 

The bartender leaned on his forearms in front of her, offering a friendly grin. “Finally got rid of that boring boyfriend of yours?”

She chuckled, shaking her head. “I'm going to need three more drinks before I answer that question.”

He held out his hand. “I'm Daniel.”

Veronica stared at his hand blankly before taking a drink. “I'm not interested.”

His smile faded. “Still with the boyfriend, then?”

“Still uninterested.”

With a roll of her eyes, Veronica turned away from Daniel, staring ahead at the wall. Her eyes drifted down to her drink, eyeing the liquid for a moment before setting the glass on the counter and pushing it away. She couldn't even remember being carefree and even careless. Not anymore. Not ever again. It's nothing but a mirage, that blissful youth of hers which never was. 

“Veronica?”

Veronica blinked out of her reverie, her eyes focusing on the woman walking toward her. “Judith?”

Her former roommate hadn't changed one bit- well, except for the hair. Her thick braids were replaced by a purple pixie cut, and she was thinner than Veronica had remembered. She hadn't seen her since Judith moved out with her girlfriend, and Garrison all but moved in. And never-smiling Judith was actually grinning and looked almost happy to see her. Veronica managed to mimic Judith's grin as the tiny woman approached. 

“Veronica fucking Mars! I knew it was you!” Judith didn't move to hug Veronica, and Veronica was both thankful and thrilled over the familiarity of Judith's demeanor. “Are you here alone?”

“Yes,” Veronica discreetly nodded at the bartender. “Getting hit on. Are you still with...?”

“Siobhan? Yes, she's paying the tab, we're leaving,” Judith was silent for a moment, nipping at her lip ring. “Do you want to come with? We're going to a house party. Unless you have to work tomorrow.”

Veronica laughed a bit too loud, startled by how foreign the noise sounded in her ears. “No, no work!” Her own hesitation brought the realization that she didn't exactly want to be alone tonight. She didn't want to sleep in an empty bed. Maybe if she could make it to morning, she could close her eyes for a few minutes in the daylight without imagined gunshots jolting her awake. “I'm down to party.”

Judith didn't hide her surprise and she shook her head, grinning at the pale redhead who wrapped her arm around her shoulders. “Siobhan, you remember Veronica? She's going to get into trouble with us!”

Siobhan grinned at Veronica, her eyebrows rising. “Girl, yes! It's about time, let's go!”

Veronica stared at the two women, her eyes drifting up to the Santa hat on Siobhan's head, on the elf hat she was putting on Judith's head. That's right, it was Christmas Eve. The smile tugged on her lips as she slid off the stool, following the women out into the cold. 

She trailed behind as the women walked down the street to the train station, pulling out her cell phone. She clenched her jaw to stop the chattering of her teeth as she pressed the screen before putting the phone to her ear. She stood a couple of feet behind Judith and Siobhan at the sidewalk corner, her eyes pausing on them for a moment as they began to kiss. She quickly looked away, glancing at the sky as her call went to voicemail and she couldn't stop the sharp disappointment from shooting through her heart. 

“Dad. It's Veronica. I know it's late, I'm sorry I didn't call earlier. But I'm free now. I think. Merry Christmas. I love you. Okay. Bye.”

_**Now** _

Getting to Jude's loft was easy. A quick GPS input and a call to her dad, telling him she was visiting a friend- technically not a lie- and she was off. A nice surprise was the text from Jude a third into her journey, telling her to text him upon her arrival so he could send a driver to pick her up.

The chatty driver handed Veronica a visitor pass before taking her to another renovated warehouse deep in LA. People ambled about, some carrying clipboards and boxes, others with construction equipment. Lights and stands being set up, signs everywhere, catering table untouched. Lots and lots of people, all busy.

She fixed the visitor pass on her t-shirt, thanking the driver before stepping out of the car. Jude had said he would be inside in a makeshift room running through calls and to just find him. Security wasn't as strict as she assumed they would be, the one guard by the entrance giving her badge a quick glance before waving her in. Simple enough.

For a moment, she wondered how easy it would be to snoop around. Everyone was so caught up in their own bullshit, she guessed she could do some serious damage before anyone even questioned who she was.

The tiny room Jude mentioned was an actual box, walls with felt lining right out of Ikea. His voice faintly echoed from the ear pieces of the crew who turned lights, and a guy in a loose tank looked bored as he walked up and down the runway still being built. The door of this Wizard of Oz box was partially open and so she slipped inside without bother.

Even in a basic blue t-shirt, jeans and messy hair, Jude was still an attractive sight. He tilted back in his rolling chair, eyes straight ahead as he sighed "yes" to someone in his headset. Veronica  finally caught Jude's line of sight when he glanced over and she waved as his eyes lit up. He motioned her over before turning back to the stage. She smirked, slowly sauntering over and dropping her purse on the floor beside his chair.

“Light four,” Jude grasped Veronica's wrist, pulling her to him without missing a beat. “Slow fade on apple lights, follow the models, light one head on...” as he talked, he pulled her on his lap, wrapping his arm around her waist.

She watched the test run go on, Jude's low, clear voice coating her spine. He leaned forward around her body, writing on a notepad as his eyes stayed intently on the screen and she reached over before she could stop herself, smoothing down his hair.

“Lights run complete, review music and walk cues with _Cass Cassie Cassandra_ , buzz me when finished so we can do a full run through.”

Jude whipped off his headset, turning off the small television before leaning over and kissing Veronica firmly. “You're a sight for sore eyes.”

She smiled against his lips. “I could say the same-” she cringed slightly. “It's a bit cold...”

“Yeah, sorry, I run hot,” he rubbed her arms with his hands before leaning back. “Are you hungry? Catering should be here in fifteen.”

“I am,” Veronica smiled as he gave her a shrug of his mouth. “Thanks for having me.”

He grinned slowly. “The pleasure is all mine, my dear.”

There was a sharp rap on the door and both turned. A tall woman stood at the frame, giving Veronica a brief smile. “Jude- chicken, beef, or fish?” she said, her faint southern twang echoing in the room. Her purple-stained lips quirked as she glanced over Veronica at Jude. “And for your friend?”

Jude grinned when Veronica glanced at him, tilting his head to look at the woman. “Cass, this is Veronica. Veronica, Cass. I will take beef with vegetables, Veronica will have...” he trailed off, pointing at Veronica.

“I'll have whatever he's having,” she gave the blonde a prim smile. “Thanks, Cass.”

As soon as Cass stepped away from the door, Veronica could feel Jude press against her back, his lips brushing over her hair. “I'm so glad you're here,” he whispered.

Veronica lowered her head, a faint smile coming on her lips as he ran his hands over her arms once more. “Me too,” she murmured.

* * * * *

Surprisingly, hanging around a fashion runway wasn't the most dull thing in the world. Veronica had figured she would be working on the frat boy blackmail case and ignoring everything else but found herself walking around, taking pictures as Jude worked. As suspected, everyone ignored _her_ , except for the handful of crew members who playfully posed for her camera. It wasn't bad at all, it was almost fun.

Night came before she knew it and the building's occupants thinned out until it was just a security guard, the last crew member, and of course herself and Jude.

She stood in the booth, eyes lifting as the upper lights were turned off and she could hear uproarious laughter between the men and the female crew member. She leaned on the table, watching the lively conversation happening several feet away, their forms illuminated by the fruit-shaped lights on the stage.

If there was one thing she had to do during her little mini-vacation, it was to investigate that message on Jude's refrigerator. She hadn't forgotten about that. Sure, she could have done it back in Neptune, but maybe if she asked extra nice, Jude would help her out. 

“Go get something to eat,” Jude called, kissing the crew member on the cheek as the security guard stopped at the door. “I'll lock up before I go.”

Veronica turned away from the opening as Jude approached the box, smiling as he slapped the frame before walking around. “Finally alone...”

“And tomorrow we do it all again,” he grinned, walking into the room. “So, ready to get out of here?”

“Night's still young,” she said, straightening up as he got closer. He pressed his hands on either side of her body, resting his forehead on hers briefly.

“What do you have in mind?” he murmured, his gaze drifting down to her lips for a moment.

Just as the words left his mouth, she knew the answer. Going to Los Angeles was an impulsive, temporary escape. A Shangri la. Two days of no pressure, no worries, no stress. All fun and pleasure.

Lilly had said once years ago that she was going to go to France, take a lover for the duration of the trip, and then go back home without a care in the world. She had it planned, it was supposed to happen after freshman year of college. She never made it. 

It was something which had stuck with her, daily at seventeen, less so as she got older. She had accomplished many things for Lilly over the years, like bungee-jumping. Dying her hair jet black. Getting a tattoo, albeit, a fake one. Mix drinks behind a bar. Twirling- okay, one twirl- in the middle of a snowstorm. Silly things, she completed for Lilly. 

Veronica knew Los Angeles wasn't France, but she could scratch another one off from Lilly's long gone bucket list.

She could forget about her own darkness for the light violently snuffed out years ago, for just a little while.

She lifted her head and kissed Jude, tentative at first then with more intensity.

Veronica shuddered as Jude deepened the kiss, his hands sliding under her shirt to her waist. She pushed his jacket off his shoulders, her leg lifting on his hip when he pushed her back on the table. He picked her up easily, undoing the buttons of her shirt. It was nearly dark, shadows stretching across the walls and their forms as he set her down before sliding her shirt off her shoulders and down her elbows. Her eyes fluttered open as he kissed his way down her breasts, undoing her jeans.

She lifted her body as he pulled her pants from her hips, gasping as he fit himself between her thighs. This, this was easy. Simple. No pressure. And with fumbling hands, she tried to undo his jeans and stroke him through them at the same time, rasping out, “My bag. Condom,” her head falling back as he kissed her neck and reached for her bag at the same time.

When it finally happened, Veronica closed her eyes, letting her body move freely as the approving moan escaped her. Her fingers curled into his shirt as he moved firmly, one hand against the small of her back, the other pressed against the table. A pure, tangible pleasure. No emotions, no despair, nothing except a physical, real thing. No thinking.

Her jaw clenched as she swallowed Logan's name impulsively trying to break free. She was so used to saying, moaning, gritting, screaming it, it was pure habit now. She began to grow frustrated, her mind not allowing her to escape. Or her body, maybe. So used to one constant, one person, unable to let her forget. Her eyes opened and she focused on the man pressed against her, tightening over him and shuddering when he groaned.

She blinked at Logan's name on the tip of her tongue, instead pushing her mouth on Jude's, keeping herself there, in the present.

* * * * *

The Arctic Monkeys played low on Parker's phone in the kitchen and Logan's head bobbed to the music as he continued to mix the drink in front of him. His arm wound around his back, and he wiggled the glass of Midori Sour at Parker. She grinned, accepting the glass as she leaned against the counter.

He turned, taking a long sip of his beer. “Long night.”

“I hear that,” she muttered, clinking her glass with his bottle before drinking.

Parker continued to be a comforting presence in Logan's life, five years after they embarked on this misadventure together. She was a welcomed point of view on problems he didn't feel comfortable talking to Keith about, able to kick his ass when he needed it and softening the blows with a sweet smile. He was long indebted to her for her loyalty, perhaps an undeserved closeness. Her absence over the last couple of months was brutal, both hers and Mia's, and he had missed them every day. Even when he felt tired of the responsibility, the knowledge that Parker and their kid was still around was always reassuring. He knew with conviction he loved Parker. It wasn't a romantic love, it went far beyond that. She was someone he looked at and saw warmth. Trust. Happiness. 

Even with his current troubles, he had her. He had Mia, who still looked at him like he held the stars. He had Keith. He had Dick, for what that was worth. He had Razia, who had loved him unconditionally, even if it hadn't lasted. Veronica. He had more people in his life who cared about him now than he had ever before and it was sometimes overwhelming. 

He was lucky, truly. He knew that. 

“Thanks for listening to me vent,” he said softly. “About everything.”

“Absolutely no problem,” Parker said, stifling a yawn. “Thank god the little diva is finally asleep. And thank God for an afternoon flight.”

Logan lowered his gaze, leaning back against the counter. “Is that Montessori school you love so much mad you took her out a couple of extra days?”

“No,” she gave him a grin. “I just explained she was going to see her daddy,” her smile grew when Logan mimicked her expression. “Oh, hey, my parents want to take Mimi to some ranch as a late birthday present. Ride some horses...”

“Sounds like fun.”

“Yeah, so I get to have some alone time. Harmony wants to hang, so I'm definitely coming back to Neptune for a couple...” she trailed off, giving Logan a sidelong glance. “Are you coming to Denver for New Year's?”

He frowned. “ _Why_ am I going to come for New Year's if I'm coming for Christmas?”

She laughed slightly, not bothering to hide the shock on her face. “Because you can _afford_ it?” He didn't budge, and she sighed. “Come on, Mia wants you to see there.”

“Why don't you and Mia just move back to Neptune?” he muttered. “It'll be easier.”

Parker shook her head quickly. “I just can't take her away from her grandparents, Logan,” she laughed, a bit angrier this time. “Besides, Mac and Keith are her godparents- are we going to have everyone move back to Neptune to make your life easier?”

“Don't pick a fight with me,” he said evenly, staring at his bottle. “I'm just as tired as you are.”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” Logan sighed as the tension came thick, and he took another swig of his beer. “What do you think of Veronica?”

Parker frowned. “As a person? An FBI agent? A girl- what?”

He sighed heavily. “As a potential _girlfriend_ , Parker. As someone who's probably going to be around the kid a lot. We just spent the last hour talking about it, keep up.”

She eyed him warily, taking a long sip of her drink. “Promise not to get mad?”

“I asked for your opinion, didn't I?”

She nodded shortly, plucking the cherry from her glass. “Honestly, and with the guarantee that you won't get mad, I think you should be prepared.”

Logan's eyes narrowed. “For what?”

“For Veronica to run away. Again.”

He laughed, rubbing the corners of his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “Fuck, Parker- that was seven years ago...”

Parker shrugged, setting down her glass on the counter and crossing her arms over her chest. “I know it was; I just don't think she's changed that much. She hasn't even really tried to talk to me- I tried to start conversations and she just clams up.” She glanced at Logan, a sigh escaping her at the sight of his annoyed expression. “Logan,” she said gently. “I know you and her have this thing, but she got kicked out of the FBI for doing what she wanted, when she wanted. She had a really bad breakup with Piz. Apparently, she can't have long relationships. She's constantly fighting with Keith-”

Logan's brow furrowed in confusion. “What exactly does that have to do with me...”

“I'm just saying,” Parker said firmly. “Let's say everything you're telling me is true. Let’s say you both decide to try a relationship. She might like this situation _now_ , but she's also just been through a traumatic experience. She lost her job and immediately ran back home. And immediately ran back to you. She's going through the motions, and I don't think Veronica is really thinking about this logically. This is all impulsive and reaching. One day, she's going to wake up, look at you and the toys and Neptune, and she's going to haul ass before you can even open your eyes.”

Logan's jaw clenched. “I don't think that's going to happen. Not now.”

“Of course you don't,” she rested her hand on the side of his face, getting his attention. “But you should be prepared. We can't have you falling apart again, okay?”

His gaze softened as he met her eyes. “I wouldn't-”

Parker shrugged, giving him a warm look. “I also think you're still healing from your own traumatic experience and maybe you should take it slow. She's a flight risk but you're not exactly mister emotionally stable so I need you to stop acting like a complete dickhead and be the good man I know you can be. Okay?” She paused, glancing down at the ground for a moment before looking back at him. “I'm just concerned and I can't risk Mia again, okay?”

Logan sighed, leaning over and kissing Parker softly. “Thank you for your honesty.”

She smiled, running her thumb over his cheek before moving back. “No problem. I just want you to be careful and get your damn heart off your sleeve, all right?”

He gazed at the ground, lowering his beer. “I think I'm falling for her, Parker. I think I'm really falling for her again.”

Parker's smile faded, and she quickly picked up her glass, taking a long drink. “Just be careful,” she said shakily.

Logan nodded, handing her his drink. “I need to fix this.”


End file.
